[I think]The reason I have a visceral reaction to the idea of bringing someone into memory as a way of "showing your side" is because it reflects the suffocating complexity of someone acting with 'unhealed wounds'
-and I already have enough of that in my life-
I have a reflexive frustration to the idea of forcing someone to [experience what you have experienced]
it's totally valid and worthy of consideration to bring your own perspective when trying to repair/confront mistakes, harm, abuse(including traumas and wounds)
-But
The level of intimacy and force that comes from (supernaturally) inducing experience in someone, feels like manipulation with projection. And specifically enmeshed manipulation
Where you are put in a position, where you can't differentiate between you and them properly. And you are forced to be(feel) responsible in a ways that people can't be(that you somehow can control other people/their feelings/what they do and your own intrinsic automatic reactions/feelings/thoughts).
It forces you to register the person who is hurting you as yourself and- if you are asked to do that enough- (in my experience) it kinda breaks your brain. The brain doesn't really like, even the concept, that it can hurt itself.
There's some amount of denial that happens to. These things are constantly in conflict, and severely muddy the waters on what or where the sources of things(including but not limited to pain) are.
this is my favorite, this is peak to me, it scratched an itch that taught me things about myself, and I like it just the way it is
To me it is the epitome of yearning and respect. Which, I have found, theoretically fulfills a fundamental security that I need for intimacy. Therefore, there is the possibility for romance or eroticism.
The original story LiuShen feels predominantly about LQG. Which is good, when something is one sided.
In the original text and the unfulfillment in it is necessary. Key. It is the ultimate test of respect- they never get together- one that is unrewarded.
"How would you react if your feelings are not reciprocated?"
Restraint or being content in the face of rejection is an important part of my definition of love. Care that is not dependent on reciprocation is secure.
There are different pieces of a relationship that are give and take or are dependent. That is not what I call love. There are different words for those.
It can fade; it can change, but if I call something love it needs to be more than attraction and benefit. It is the part that's more deeply rooted.
LQG shows no desire to push his feelings onto SQQ(Y) and he still finds acceptable ways to show that he cares. That is ideal stuff
Good man, would feel comfortable
If something were different...
fanfic is where it can be about both of them.
Because of this, in fanfic I go into the story knowing that LQG is the type of person that would wait forever if asked. I am no longer concerned about... Consent(?), basically. This means denial can be complete and assured. The only thing to worry about is actually communication.
The result is, the foundation worked from is inherently comfortable. The reading tends to be lighter, or softer, or more steady.
I want a LQG and I am him. Real this is how I love and how I want to be loved sitch.
- I don't actively pursue social ties
- I read/am functionally ace
- I prefer bluntness and simplicities
- I'd rather be spending my time working on my skills
I love to my core, and I am content even simply being lesbian sheep together.
