"Change come fast and change come slow, but change come.”
I got my confirmation.
First rehearsal for the next show I’m doing, “Caroline, or Change” (normally I don’t reveal plays I do, but this is important) was last night. It’s a fantastic show that I’m happily doing for a second time. I’ve loved it for awhile, but I was struck by some lyrics I saw...
“[F]olk can’t just surrender to their fears. I know it hurt to change. It actually hurts, learning something new, and when you full-grown, it’s harder, that’s true. it feel like you got to break yourself apart, it feel like you got to break your own heart, but folk do it. They do. Every day, all the time, alone, afraid, folks like you. You got to let go of where you been. You got to move one from the place you’re in. Don’t drown in that basement. Change or sink. Let go, forget, move on. This ain’t time for prayin. You got to think.”
And additionally, this passage:
“Nothing can ever make me afraid! you can’t hold on, you nightmare men, your time is past now on your way get gone and never come again!”
There it was, plain as day. I felt a rush of comfort and warmth as I read the words. It was the confirmation I was seeking.
The first time I did this show, I was preparing to move to the area I live in now. It was my last show with my old theatre and a perfect segue into my new life. I had already decided on moving before the show ended, and the confirmation came a month or so later.
Now, this show is the confirmation. It gives me hope that what I’m doing is scary, but necessary. It washed over me and gave me strength and courage. I’m still a little nervous, but not as much as before. This is the path I need to be taking to make life better.
I’m still hoping for a pregnancy to solidify my leaving this job, but I’ll be out for sure my September. I don’t think I can wait much longer than that without a good reason (like pregnant and can get maternity leave).
Time to dive into this show and embrace it. I’m not at all upset that my role is double cast and am delighted with the person I’m sharing it with. I know a few faces in the cast, but most are new to me. What a delight indeed.
With the fears I’m facing, this is just the show I needed and going back into a show is just what I needed to do. I do have other projects to work on, but I’ll find time for them somehow.
I have received my confirmation.
Now, I have a phone call with Tanya to anticipate. She didn’t specify what she wanted to talk about, but I am curious indeed. I’m calling her later this afternoon...maybe she got a call from the school? We shall see.
Day 8 of this year, and it’s already been a rocker! Lots to plan, lots to look forward to. Lord, what else do you have in store for me and us? I look ahead to my path and walk it with joy.