Baby Girls & Baby Sea Turtles
I’m wondering why my daughter, when born, won’t have the same skills to hit the ground running like other baby animals. Wouldn’t that be awesome? She can immediately start paying us back for all the organic food, doctor visits, prenatal yoga classes, paraben-free lotions, and alcohol-free vacations we’ve spent on! Well, I guess she saved us money on the alcohol.
Baby sea turtles know they have to make it to the sea, and quickly. It’s a matter of life and death. Behind all the cuteness, these baby animals are introduced to the world with an adventurous, solutions oriented, and go-getter approach to hitting the waves. Why won’t my daughter know how to crawl and find a job as soon as my wife gives birth to her? Imagine, I cut the cord, she showers, obviously, slips on the interview outfit we’ve picked out, and off she goes! A job, which is the open ocean in my metaphor, is also critical for survival. I guess the difference is instinct.
It’s true that our brains will develop light-years beyond a baby sea turtle’s. Amongst other things, we’ll learn; to love, to hate, to not care, to think critically, how to save the planet, how to destroy the planet, and even how to compare baby girls to baby sea turtles. The latter is an advanced skill which comes after learning how to use, at least, 43% of your brain like Lucy.
Baby sea turtles learn how to eat, take dumps, swim, mate, and hide. That’s it. The only human that has achieved this level of living is Donald Trump. Well, in his defense, he also knows how to viciously offend everyone, so we’ll categorize him as a “sea turtle plus.”
Just found out that baby humans are born earlier than other animals. According to Scientific American, “a human fetus would have to undergo a gestation period of 18 to 21 months instead of the usual nine to be born at a neurological and cognitive development stage comparable to that of a chimpanzee newborn.” Maybe that’s what separates us from other animals, in the long run.
My baby girl’s brain will be incredibly vulnerable to external stimuli, after she’s born, and just as vulnerable to toxic chemicals, when she’s in the womb. So even though, she won’t be ready for life immediately like a baby sea turtle is, keeping her away from toxic crap may give her the boost she needs to be all she can be! Just not a princess, I don’t want her to be a Disney princess!
I say this all in jest. It was something that Charlie P. and I were randomly discussing at the office. I wouldn’t want to miss her baby years for anything. But, if she could somehow still be a widdle baby and earn income, voilà double bottom line!
