Tonight. The Eve of my late husband's "DeathAversary." 11 years gone. And the guy didn't even to collect his hard earned Social Security. I've I'm not fond of the "late" descriptor. But it feels a big gentler than "dead." How else would you say it? Do tell.
I'Have you seen the ever popular Emotion Wheel-- you know the one your therapist has in their office. Kind of like the color wheel artists use -- 12 colors in a standard wheel and more as you move to outer rings: Primary, Intermediate, then Tertiary. Warm and Cool.
The emotions core feelings: Sadness. Calm. Love, Joy, Surprise, Anger, Disgust, Fear. and a host of others as you move to the second and third rings. And boy do they dig in. So many to choose from. If you're feeling sadness, move to the next ring and you mibht be lonely, despairing,. remorseful or head to the outer ring and you might be more than sad, you ight be heartbroken, or depressed.
So, tonight I"m feeling calm. In spite of the fact Steve quite inconsiderately died and left me to deal with, well . . . things on my own.
Which brings me to this photo. It is somewhere in Ireland. It felt like the passageway to a secret place. A Fairy Tale setting. A place you might be reluctant to step through. Or excited. (What would the emotion wheel say? Would you change as you moved through. One world to another. Maybe it depends on which side you're starting on.
Of course, I'm overthinking this.Me?
After he died, stepped through a secret place. To different life. Took me awhile to recognize what was happening, to turn and see the unkempt, wild vines and tiny flowers(or are they berries?) absolutely exploding with life. Sooner or later I'll catch up with him. but for now, I choose life. And soon, I hope a wild garden.
