#wisdom nugget

[bramwellbern]

[imdoingwhateverisnext]

Authenticity or Likability

These days a lot of focus is placed on people and things that are liked and disliked. I used to want everyone to like me and I wasted a LOT of energy fretting over people who didn't like me. It sounds silly and counter productive, and it is. Trying to be well-liked caused me to develop a sort of alter ego. I was being disingenuous. I eventually became the type of person I don't care for at all; a person who is inauthentic and fake.

I became an anxious people-pleaser. I wasted so much time and energy keeping other people happy, I literally forgot what I liked and enjoyed. Even worse, I attracted and was surrounded by people and personalities that I didn't enjoy. In a way, I forgot who I was. It has taken years of solitude, inner work and soul-searching to remember how to make myself happy.

I place the people in my life into two different categories; the drainers and the fillers. If my goblet is full, I want to share it with someone. I will even empty my goblet completely for someone I really care about. Fillers will refill my goblet with ease. Drainers will empty it and walk away without a thought; often quickly returning when they see my goblet is full again. Miraculously, the drainers always seem to know the status of my goblet, even if I haven't seen them or spoken to them in years.

I had a misguided belief that if I treated people a certain way, they would in turn do the same for me; aka the Golden Rule. As a result, I was keeping these leech-like people in my life. They would suck up every thing I would give them, and leave me feeling empty and unfulfilled and exhausted.

Leeches as well as fair weather friends will abandon me and disappear at the first sign of trouble. They can't be bothered by my needs. As soon as I stop being beneficial to them, they are gone. For better or worse, as I learn to like myself flaws and all, I prefer to lean into my own genuine personality as much as I can.

I used to hate to be alone. Now I prefer my own company to exhausting people who wouldn't even be bothered to piss on me if I was on fire (unless it somehow served their needs). Being alone and being lonely are two totally different things. The saddest type of loneliness I have ever experienced was while I was in a committed relationship with another. Believe me, if choosing between them being alone is preferable. If I knew back then that loneliness is a state of mind that I have some control over, I would not have wasted so many lonely years with someone else.

In addition to learning to like myself, I have given myself permission to like and to dislike things. This sounds simple and logical, but it isn't easy for a people-pleaser to have negative opinions. I was taught growing up, 'If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all'. Now I embrace my own negative opinions and feelings as long as they are honest and thoroughly considered. Why would I try to entertain those who don't care for my company? Why would I cater to leeches? Why would I continue to fill the goblets of the drainers? I don't like them.

[long-leg-larry]

Me: *does weed while standing on a kitchen counter* It’s not illegal when the drugs are over the counter.

[yokaitoybox]

Treat me like a dog, and I’ll act like a bitch.

[nikkaeliakim]

Wisdom Nugget # 5

Stop planning your life. That's God's job. Your job is to obey, follow, and execute it.

[nomadmanager]

I don't think there are apathetic people, only people who haven't learned / realized personal reasons to care. I think deep down, everyone really cares about something, it's just about finding the bridge between that and social good.

Yours truly on Twitter (@nomadmanager)

I want to remember that I said this so I thought I should post it on Tumblr lest this little wisdom nugget disappear forever on Twitter. :P

[ijustwannabeakidagain]

Dreams come true more than you would think...

Did you know the reason you have that " Deja Vu " feeling? Your subconscious never sleeps. It is always playing scenarios. So when you feel that feeling it is one of those scenarios coming to life; making you think it has happened before. Makes you wonder right?