(っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ Oddly Enough I'm A Half Closeted Witch ♥
Its lowkey kinda hard to explain how I'm a half closeted witch but at the same time not?
Basically heres the gist: My parents are well aware of my craft, I practice it but I don't bring it up. I only talk about it when my parents ask, or when joking.
Its honestly frustrating because I can't fully express my witchy interests around them. For example: My mom wanted me to help her manifest a house to rent in for a while, I aided in a spell which I made her preform using my tools and she got it. But I can't practice a lot of candle magic or burn many things.
I can do tarot readings but I can't do anything that deals with elemental spirits even though I believe that the elements themselves are spirits.
I'll make jokes with my dad about how putting bay leaves in your wallet increases money flow and abundance, but then he will interrogate me on what I'm writing on paper and leaves and burning them.
I gift spell jars to my family and tell them what the purpose of those jars are, but when my family believe that theres a possible spirit in our house messing with us I'll tell them that I'll make a simmer pot to cleanse the whole house but then my dad barks at me telling me no.
He often says hes 'done these things before' and has done 'summoning's' but literally he was using a fucking Ouija board (idk if he did but knowing him I'd say he has a fare few times) while I'm over here doing tarot readings to see if I will pass my exams or not.
The only thing I hade in my practice is that I work with Lord Apollon but thats about it...
My situation is better than most which I do acknowledge but even when I explain to my mom "Mom this is my (Apollo's) alter you can't let people touch it" or "I don't have to but I want to set up wards mom, besides they're a good thing" or if I explain what every herb or candle color and the entire process of a ritual means and does its a no if it goes outside tarot readings, bay leave spells, the 369 method or spell jars.
Its pretty frustrating but I'm slowly expanding my craft. Though I wish it was faster and had more resources so that way I can do more to experiment with my craft and see where my calling is from.
So, to anyone reading this, you might be a little confused about what I mean by that. Long story short, a while ago, I made a post titled “Oddly Enough, I Am a Half-Closeted Witch.” In that post, I explained how even though I technically practice witchcraft openly, it’s not something I talk about explicitly with my family.
My parents are aware that I practice, but the moment I try to branch out into new areas, they tend to shut it down. For example, if I mention wanting to explore elemental witchcraft, they immediately tell me not to because they think I’ll attract spirits. When I told my mom I wanted to start deity work, she discouraged me, saying she didn’t want me to “end up like one of those people in hospitals who think they’re talking to ghosts.” I know she doesn’t mean it in a rude way, she’s just worried.
My grandparents on my dad's side used witchcraft in really fucked up ways, and it led to some terrible things, especially with fertility problems between them (my grandparents) when they were practicing. Because of that history, my parents carry a lot of fear around anything magical. But it still hurts. I wish they could see that what I’m doing is nothing like what my grandparents did. I mean I literally just make smell jars and thats all I do!
My dad, on the other hand, believes witchcraft automatically means “summoning rituals.” Once, when he thought there were spirits in the house, I offered to make a simmer pot to cleanse the space. He immediately shut it down, saying, “I know what those summoning rituals are, I’ve done that stuff before.” I tried explaining that a simmer pot is literally boiling herbs on the stove for cleansing and intention-setting, but he refused to believe me.
That night, he even made my younger brother sleep in my BED for a few nights to “protect me.” It wasn’t the first time, either. And honestly? It really ticks me off. Not because of my brother, but because I’m seventeen, and he’s fourteen. I’ve always wanted my own space and privacy. I’ve done the protections, cleansed my room, and even locked my mirror. I know I’m safe. But they don’t have faith in me or my craft and that really hurts.
Recently, I’ve also had to hide something from them: that I work with Lord Apollon. I did tell my mom once that he reached out to me and wanted to work with me, but she instantly told me not to go down that path. She said I’d lose my mind if I did. But I followed my heart anyway, and months later, I’m still sane, stable, and more spiritually grounded than I’ve ever been. I understand her concern, but she takes it to extremes. She and my dad are both overprotective, and I know it comes from love, but it makes things so hard.
I want to expand into more advanced areas of my craft. Things like candle magic, elemental magic, and even working with nature or water or air spirits. But in this household, I can’t do that without drawing suspicion. So unless I go full closet witch, I don’t think I’ll ever get the freedom to practice the way I truly want to.
And to be clear, they’ll still know I’m a witch, but they won’t know what exactly I’m doing anymore. Like… they’ll know I’m “in the closet,” but not what’s going on inside the closet, if that makes sense.
What frustrates me most, though, is that my parents will still use my witchcraft when it benefits them. My mom, for instance, once asked me to help manifest a house for us to rent, and not long after, we found the one we live in now. Later, she even asked me to help manifest a house to buy. Whether she used what I taught her or just had good luck, it still shows she believes in it when it’s convenient.
Same thing with my dad. He’ll joke about spells but ask me for witchy favors when it suits him. Like, “Oh, they say bay leaves bring money? Maybe I should keep ten of them in my wallet and get a billion-dollar deal.” It’s always half-mocking, half-serious. And that fucking stings because if my craft is good enough to help when they need it, why isn’t it good enough to be respected when I’m doing it for myself?
That’s really why I’ve been thinking of going full closet witch. I just want to practice freely, without being watched, mocked, or misunderstood. I want to be able to do my spells, my rituals, my devotionals acts without feeling like I’m being treated like a kid playing with fire.
They can know I’m a witch.
They just don’t have to know what goes on in the closet <3
It’s the necessary law of relationships. Even my witchcraft doesn’t work on this. They won’t message you or give you attention until you least expect it. And I think this was for my own good too because this was the Mourning Moon aka cleansing yourself of things that no longer serve you. And I have to learn how to be happy with myself and for myself in order to fully function, fully live, and fully explore myself. I think I’m slowly but surely learning this. I’ve been performing my poetry every week for the past month, I’ve been spending lots of time with friends, and I’m quitting meaningless encounters because they bore me. I’m weeding out the weak in my life.
I spent the entire Monday with a longing dull pain in my chest. I just wanted to hold him again but the divine spirits know what they’re doing. They’re pulling me away from all distractions so I can be my best self.
I did my ritual, did a cleansing spell, a justice spell, and grounded myself Sunday midnight. I danced to Stevie Nicks and I fell fast asleep and woke up feeling level. I tried performing some past life regressions but I felt scared. I tried again and I ended up seeing myself as an Indian woman on the beach and a 40 something year old Jersey woman going through cancer and as a young Jon Benet Ramsey lol. I didn’t get farther than that.
I’m going to try working out tomorrow, writing, centering myself, after watching a play. I need to practice more self care after this election. I spent all of yesterday painting, I spent today resting, and tomorrow I’ll sing and watch a play. Tonight, I met with a woman who has cried every time I performed and I met a woman who’s in charge of a non-profit who wanted me to perform my poem on Monday.
It’s currently 2:16 AM and I’m trying to prepare for my presentation tomorrow.
