After his breakup, Buck decides to explore a bit and maybe slightly return to Buck 1.0 (except one-night stand dates) until one of those throw him into some uncertainty that Hen helps him out with.
AO3
***
Sometimes, Buck wonders why he even bothers trying to get in a relationship. He’s so lost when it comes to making a relationship work. He keeps wanting to find his forever person, but it seems like they keep alluding him. Hanging around for a while before they get annoyed with him.
Bobby would say that he’s looking in all the wrong places.
Especially since he’s decided to explore his sexuality in an almost Buck 1.0 way. True, he does at least ask them for coffee or dinner, first, which is a step up from hooking up in the firetruck for a quickie.
So, he doesn’t tell him this.
He doesn’t tell anyone this, actually.
He loves his team, really, he does, but they’re a bit judgy about his relationships – which admittedly is fair, he doesn’t have the best luck – so, he doesn’t tell them.
The team knows that he’s single, so they try to make an effort to invite him to do things off-shift.
Which, normally, would be a great thing – he appreciates it. Especially since his last relationship had seemingly been great… until it hit an expected end, but… he wants to explore… and he can’t do that when Hen and Karen invite him to some kid-event with Denny and Mara, or Chim and Maddie invite him out to dinner or Bobby and Athena host a BBQ that may or may not be about getting him, May and Harry to visit as a family.
Even Ravi gets in on it – inviting him out to drinks. Eddie does the opposite, choosing to make him babysit Chris, which Buck doesn’t exactly mind.
But Buck’s single and he wants to explore, not always be surrounded by happy couples and happy families – although, to be fair, Ravi was single, too. But it was mostly happy couples and happy kids and that’s just not what Buck needs right now.
So, maybe he starts to cancel on them.
He starts going out and planning one-night-stand type dates. He’s perfectly okay with that being all it is.
It seems like that’s the best thing he’s got when it comes to relationships – even if that’s not exactly what he wants.
***
It takes a few weeks before Buck finds himself in a rather unique position.
One of his … one-off dates wants to see him, again. And he kind of wants to him, too.
It’s just, well, he’s promised himself that he wouldn’t do more than one date anymore.
He just … doesn’t want to get attached and heartbroken, again.
He’s afraid to take this step.
What if a second date becomes three? And four and then, six months goes by and he’s on the verge of I love you and … well, it all comes crashing down?
He can’t – doesn’t – want to do it, again.
He gets a follow up text that he’d originally ignored when he started to cook dinner at the station.
look, i – i know that we agreed it was just one date, but i – it doesnt have to be a date. it could just be friends… with blowjobs (or more).
The winky face at the end of the message has him smiling. He did have a great time with Alex, and it was… he was a good man. Attractive, charming, fun. He seems to understand Buck’s struggles at the moment. He really listened to Buck; he loved his mentions of research spirals. Alex does those, too, and he had his own little spiral that had their dinner lasting way longer than his other one-date-stands.
So, it’s possible that Alex would be open to just a friends and benefits thing, but Buck knows his heart and he won’t be able to handle that for long.
Is it possible that maybe he could give another relationship a try?
“You okay there, Buck?”
Hen’s voice breaks through his thoughts.
“Uh, yeah, of course,” he says, pocketing his phone and focusing on the stew he’s making. “Why?”
Hen moves opposite him at the island. “Well, it’s just … you seem a bit lost-in-thought.”
Buck shrugs. “Guess I’ve been a little lost, yeah. Got something on my mind.”
“Maybe you should let it out?”
Buck hums. “I – it’s about relationships… and well, everyone gives me a hard time about my dating life so…”
Hen frowns. “I know that we tease you, but we just want you to be happy, Buck. You just deserve someone better than your last couple of long-term partners.”
Buck shrugs. “Alright, I can admit the bashing of my recent partners’ sessions hasn’t exactly helped and makes me a bit self-conscious.”
“I promise that I will keep whatever you tell me to myself and just offer advice as you ask.”
Buck hums. Hen does usually give solid advice and teases him less if it’s just the two of them.
“I’ve been one-date-only for a while. Not exactly like Buck 1.0, but not terribly far off. I just – I don’t want to get too attached, you know? I keep getting attached and then, getting heartbroken,” Buck admits.
“Buck, you – it’s not your fault that you fall for people that clearly don’t deserve you. It’s not your fault that people aren’t realizing how amazing you are, how having someone like you in their life makes it even better.”
Buck shrugs. “I think some knew that … for a short time before I became too much.”
Hen frowns. “You didn’t become too much, okay? Abby was looking for a boytoy to distract herself and was too terrible to be honest about that. Ali couldn’t handle the job and that’s… okay. It’s not for everyone – hell, Karen still has issues with it, sometimes. It’s hard knowing that your loved one might not turn from work one day. Taylor was more interested in her career, which is also fine, and she was always going to put that first. If you two were honest with each other, I think you both knew that. It’s amazing you lasted as long as you did. Natalia was… you were going through a lot with the lightning thing and … you know that your first boyfriend was complicated. You weren’t afraid to make your first boyfriend something serious, and you’d think given the age gap that he would want something serious, too, but like with Abby, that wasn’t what he wanted. I’ve gone more in depth on that in the last few months, but Buck, the problem isn’t that you’re choosing the wrong people, exactly…”
“Then, what’s the problem?” Buck interjects, feeling dejected. He doesn’t like it being laid out like that – especially the first and the last. They meant so much to him – changing his life in ways that he hadn’t even realized were possible. “Because you’re kind of making it sound like I’m the problem.”
Even if he should have realized his bisexuality sooner, he knows it wouldn’t have changed much.
“You’d think it’d be obvious, but … you have to talk to the people you want to date.”
“I do!” he states. Not necessarily about looking for something long-term because he doesn’t want to scare them off, but it’s not just sex. “I don’t just sleep with them! I talk to them.”
“About what you want,” Hen states, plainly. “It’s okay to be like – I want a relationship; I want something serious. Just like it’s okay to say – I want just sex or a one-time thing. And if you’re up front with them, maybe you’ll have a chance at happily ever after.”
“I don’t want to scare them away or give someone else my heart just for them to crush it.”
Hen reaches over and squeezes his hand. “It’s okay to be afraid to put yourself out there and it’s okay if you need time to be ready again, but you’re never going to find your forever person if you don’t try.”
He let's her words wash over him and looks down at Alex’s message.
He was definitely the one Buck connected with the most, and the only one that reached out afterwards.
Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to try for more.
Alex, any chance you’d want to meet up for a real second date? Something that might go well beyond friends with BJs?
He glances up at Hen, who gives an encouraging nod when his phone chimes.
id be delighted. just let me know when and where.
I will.
Hen catches his smile at his phone. “Someone special?”
