Lots of people plan their wedding or kids from a young age. I planned my retirement and death instead.
Most people have milestones they like to plan wayyyyy in advance or at least look forward to. The majority of these, according to just about every list of common milestones I could find online, are related to falling in love and having a family. (First date, first kiss, marriage, kids, grandkids, etc.) It’s fine, I guess, but for those of us who may not want some or all of that, it can make our futures seem pretty empty.
I remember an online friend of mine (who is also aromantic) saying that they always imagined what their wedding would be like, planning details like flowers and colors and the dress, but they had never pictured their future partner. Just them, their friends and family, and a big party with lots of cake. Seems nice. I’m sure people will tell them it’s impractical and expensive (which goes for regular weddings too btw) but it honestly seems like a fun way to celebrate life with everyone you care about.
Another online friend found it sad. She’d looked forward to all the stereotypical romantic stuff and a beautiful wedding, and was heartbroken that being aromantic meant that she probably wouldn’t get that in the way everyone else did.
I’ve never been interested in weddings or kids, but I know there are many people nowadays who are deciding that maybe they don’t want to have kids. It could be freedom, mental health/generational trauma, socioeconomic factors like inflation or debt, or just… not wanting to. (Valid) The point is, there might be a bit of overlap here with the aro/ace folks who may find that some of the milestones they’re meant to work towards have disappeared.
Once you rule out all of the milestones related to love and/or kids, there aren’t too many left.
Born ✅
First steps ✅
First words ✅
First day of school ✅
Learn to drive ✅
First job ✅
Graduated high school ✅
Graduated college (if applicable) [almost]
Full time adult job [ ]
Retire [ ]
Die [ ]
…
The small ones happen fast, but after that? There isn’t much left to look forward to. It can feel a bit… pointless. So, what to do?
In my case, I planned out my retirement. I’m going to start a bakery that I’ll live above so I have no commute, and it’ll be kinda like a library with free Wi-Fi and a couple of public use computers (or equivalent) in a college town or something. Mayyyybe a city, but if so, a smaller one because I’m not a huge fan of cities. People can drink coffee and read and do homework or whatever.
Other than that, I suppose I’ll just have to find some new milestones to look forward to. Getting a house or apartment is already on the list for most people, maybe getting a pet, maybe traveling… who knows?
Ultimately, the world is full of possibilities. The common milestones may not be for me, and the absence of such may be a bit of a downer sometimes, but I’ll just walk a different path with my own goals and values in mind.
