I love all the medieval weaponry jokes and shitposts on here, and in case folks are interested in trying out historical European martial arts (HEMA) but aren't sure where to start, you're in luck! There are a lot more opportunities to learn swordfighting than you might think (or related weapons like spear, polearm, axe, and dagger, but swords are definitely the main) (sword pun intended).
First: How does one buy a sword and essential gear? Unless you're at a tournament, the answer is usually online. There are a lot of vendors, and in terms of price point, safety (blades need some flex to not hurt the other person), and being up to tournament standards (so if you ever want to enter one, your sword has you covered), my go-to is Purpleheart Armory: https://www.woodenswords.com/
In general, you can get a longsword or rapier for somewhere between $200 and $300. There are a ton of decisions to make, like what length works for your height? What weight? Ring guard, complex guard? Schilt or no? Do you want to venture into dussack, messer, saber, buckler, parrying dagger, greatsword? There's a vast number of opinions, and asking around (see info on joining a group below!) or checking out people's thoughts on Reddit can be incredibly helpful. It is possible to get sharp blades, but you have to be so. goddamn. careful, and don't even think about using it near anyone else. I'll just recommend the usual steel that you can get, where it's historically accurate and properly weighted and wants to move, but the "edge" is more like the handle of a butter knife than anything else.
When choosing what to get started with, feel free to go with whatever seems coolest or most fun to you, or what you can find guidance for. Longsword and rapier are what you'll run into most often (especially if you misgauge your distance HEYO). While people may assume that it's heavy and slow, only for big and buff people, a longsword is just ~3.5 lbs, which is lighter than a lot of my favorite doorstopper fantasy books (and they're just so f'in cool). And once you're familiar with one weapon, it's amazing how much translates over to others, and even between one-handed and two-handed ones.
If you want to just do solo cuts and drills, a sword is all you need! But as soon as you want to study techniques and historical fencing, the next things you want are head protection and hand protection. These are incredibly important, and depending on your partners/group and how careful they are and how hard they hit, more or less intense gear may be needed. And then a fencing jacket and leg protection get you all the way there. Some jackets are more intense but hotter and limit mobility more, and others are more comfortable but less protective- historical fencing is full of these kinds of tradeoffs and decisions. Note that no amount of gear, no matter how expensive and well-made, can leave you fully protected. You need to be able to trust your partner to keep you safe and keep them safe in turn. And even then, accidents can happen, so it's important to have a plan and a just-in-case first aid kit on hand.
Second: What materials can you learn from? There are historical treatises and manuals out there (Liechtenauer, Meyer, Fiore...), modern books that cover the same bases with visuals added in, and a number of people have put their own guides and lessons online. Especially helpful for more intuitive visual learning, there's a lot on YouTube. For getting a feel for longsword cuts and solo drills, I love Björn Rüther's channel:
Drills to improve your weapon-control.
Third, while it's possible to have a great time and develop some skills solo: There's nothing like learning from other people. Joining a club or at least stopping by and trying it out is a game changer. This site catalogs every documented HEMA group: https://www.hemaalliance.com/club-finders
Look at this! It's crazy, right?? There are so many clubs! Note that some are full-on businesses with a full-time rented space and professional coaches, lots of classes every week, and dues to cover those expenses. Others may be just people who regularly gather to learn from and teach each other and spar, which keeps costs low but may limit how often or where you can practice. For a number of groups, you can drop in to try it out without needing to invest money in equipment first.
But very importantly: Groups vary a ton. Many are full of the kindest people you've ever met who will be so excited to show you the ropes. But some may have a gross atmosphere of toxic masculinity, some may encourage hitting hard to "teach people a lesson" about failure, and some may be really into glorifying European culture in a way that gets white supremacy-y. So when you're seeing what groups are around you and checking them out, pay attention: Is this a group where women feel comfortable? Queer folks? People of color? People of varying ages and mobility? And: Is there a member conduct policy or agreement? Is there a protocol for what to do if someone makes others feel unsafe or hurts them? Being ready to answer the hard questions to protect everyone's safety and following through are a green flag for a group.
And lastly: You don't have to be crazy fit to get started! Whatever may feel like a barrier to entry, something you think you have to be able to do first- "No, I need to be able to run five miles and do 50 push-ups before I could ever start something like that" - NOPE! It's important to listen to your body, not push to the point of pain, and rest and stretch as needed, but you can always start. And there's nothing like doing something incredibly fun and that requires a lot of focus to make exercise joyful as hell.
