T A S K # 0 1 - INTRODUCTION.
Alright uni gang, I'm gonna need y'all to listen up and take notes. Auntie Snix has some words of wisdom for all you loners and rejects out there who need my help fitting in while also uniquely standing out. If my 22 years on this planet have learned me anything, it's that you're never too much of a bad bitch to learn some new tricks. So pop a squat, get your popcorn ready, and pay attention because I'm only going to say this once. And trust me, these are invaluable life lessons that will stick with you throughout your extended time here at wmu.
๐๐๐ง๐ญ๐๐ง๐'๐ฌ ๐ช๐ฎ๐ข๐๐ค ๐ ๐ฎ๐ข๐๐ ๐ญ๐จ ๐๐ฌ๐ฌ๐๐ง๐ญ๐ข๐๐ฅ ๐ฉ๐จ๐ฉ ๐๐ฎ๐ฅ๐ญ๐ฎ๐ซ๐ ๐๐ง๐ ๐๐๐๐จ๐ฆ๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ข๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฎ๐ง๐ ๐ญ๐จ ๐๐ฏ๐๐ซ๐ฒ๐จ๐ง๐ ๐๐ฅ๐ฌ๐'๐ฌ ๐๐ฎ๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ฌ๐ก๐ข๐ญ :
๐. Your college years are the time to be selfish. Now you may be thinking, "Santana, you've always been self-centered." While there may be some validity to that, college is an excuse to not feel guilty about it. Step outside your comfort zone, act on your own desires. Just don't get arrested for public intoxication.
๐. Never show up early or empty-handed to a party. The goal is to appear cool and indifferent, not make yourself look desperate. Frat parties aren't really my scene, but they typically have the best alcohol if you're looking to drink away your problems.
๐. Real Housewives is priceless entertainment. If you haven't watched it yet, you need to start. They show reruns on Bravo. If you have watched it and it wasn't your cup of tea, I'm sorry to inform you but you have terrible taste. I bet your favorite show is Breaking Bad or Grey's Anatomy. How unoriginal.
๐. Dress hot for a job interview. Practical? No. Effective? Hell yes, unless you're Rachel Berry. It's a miracle how far thigh high boots and a tight-fitted camisole will get you in the bartending biz.
๐. Crocs with socks should be a federal offense. If you own a pair, please burn them. Sincerely, everyone.
๐. Online shopping is both addictive and cathartic. Just ask my mom. After she found out about my dad's affair, she started buying up those 5,000 piece jigsaw puzzles that take weeks to complete. Not to mention she put all of the funds on his credit cards. That's the kind of petty behavior I admire.
๐. Street food in Lima, Ohio is not the same as it is in Miami. I need a lot of spice in my life. If I'm not legitimately delirious and sweating from the heat on my plate, I don't want it. Lima's version of that is buffalo chicken wings smothered in Taco Bell diablo sauce. Check, please.
๐. SZA's comeback was the highlight of the 2022. Five years between albums is wild that I have to admit my girl had me stressing for a minute, but her new music delivered. Shoutout to Kehlani for also releasing another banger.
๐. Relationships ain't shit, delete your dating apps. If I wanted to be cheated on, I would've set the bar higher and aimed for someone rich like those gold diggers on Real Housewives do. At least then I wouldn't have to foot the bill at the end of the night.
๐๐. Guys lie to you but girls will destroy your psyche. Not all girls, obviously. Just the evil ones I'm attracted to and date. Consider this my vow to stay single forever.
That's all for now, kiddos. I hope you weren't expecting some profound insight into societal norms or anything like that. It's too early in the morning and I haven't had my daily dose of caffeine yet. I'm just here to keep it real. If you're in the market for any more helpful tips or tricks, hit me up on my socials. And if I have you blocked, best believe it's for a good reason and I would appreciate it if you never contacted me again. Deuces.