Do You Even Doubt It On Your Lips?
// Ayca Lushephard DiAicara/Imperial Calypso
// Synnove(Reaper)/Ayca Lushephard DiAicara
You love her, it’s over.
Ayca takes Synn’s hand and brings it to his lips, kissing her knuckles chastely. She looks up at him, her troubled face melting into something of affection and faux annoyance. Ayca says something to her and she says something back, but it’s mostly inaudible from where Imperial was standing. He turns away.
He doesn’t want to hear what Synn said to make him laugh, he doesn’t want to see him melt beneath her touch, he doesn’t want to even think about the amount of times he’s kissed her (He thinks about the amount of times he’s kissed Him all the time. Imperial doesn’t want to think about how much he thinks about that either).
Imperial’s head snaps up as Ayca walks away from her and towards him. He zhuzhes the hem of his shirt a bit as he walks up. There’s a soft smile on his lips and pure endearment in his eyes, big and warm with affection.
Imperial knows it’s not for him. He won’t pretend it is. It still makes his heart skip a beat, though.
Ayca’s neck is twisted back to watch Synn walk away. He’s so smitten it’s almost impossible to watch without getting nauseous.
Imperial doesn’t do anything to interrupt Ayca. He just waits for him to realize that he’s waiting for him to speak.
Synnove FINALLY vanishes from view and now Ayca diverts his attention from his first priority to his second (from his second choice to his first, Imperial thinks darkly). He has the courtesy to look embarrassed about it, at least. His hand slides down from the back of his neck down to his side. Imperial lets himself stare.
“Sorry, I know she can handle herself, just, y’know, I don’t want her to get hurt,”
Imperial hums noncommittally, biting his lip uselessly. It’s the most he can do without scowling.
Ayca’s lips twitch a bit nervously.
Shit. Imperial’s probably making a scary face right now. He clears his throat and attempts a neutral look (before, Ayca’s confessed that he gets a little scared of him when he’s upset. Imperial relished in it before. He doesn’t now).
Imperial taps his forearm with his index finger, keeping his arms crossed tight against his chest.
“She wouldn’t like hearing that,” Ayca brushes his hair aside, breathing out in relief (it burns him to know how much he affects Ayca. Does it burn him to know how much he affects Imperial?)
“Well, yeah, ‘s why I didn’t tell her. I just wished her luck and told her to not do anything I wouldn’t do,”
There’s a glint of mischief that sparks behind his eyes that always manages to seize Imperial’s attention.
It makes him sick that he’s not the reason for it now.
Despite himself, he raises an eyebrow and quips,
“Nothing you wouldn’t do? I didn’t think that there was anything you wouldn’t do,”
Ayca smiles and shrugs, a laugh on his lips.
“Well, yeah, that’s why she didn’t completely kill me when I said it. She knows I believe in her,”
There’s another small stretch of silence after his laughter dies out.
It feels so unnatural, to have nothing to say between the two of them. Ayca would usually try to keep up the conversation enough for the two of them.
Now it’s up to Imperial to keep the conversation going.
“Yeah. Synn’s… capable,” Capable enough to hold her own in battle and potentially capable enough to be an issue if she had actually tried to kill him.
Ayca nods proudly, a look of pure admiration on his face.
Fuck, he can’t take this for much longer.
“So…” Imperial trails off (because he hates himself, apparently), his eyes fixing themselves to the side. He’s opening his mouth and closing it again, trying to make a decision on what to say.
What does he want to say? He wants to talk to Ayca, be around him, but he’d rather chew off his arm than to see his lovesick face when talking about Synn for one more second.
Ayca’s staring at him. He knows he is. He wonders what he thinks he’s going to say.
“Do you.. love her?” Imperial bites the inside of his cheek and looks up at Ayca. Gods, his skin is crawling with heat. He’s never been more embarrassed in his life, he feels so exposed. He always feels that way with him.
Ayca looks a little taken aback to hear the question, and he tilts his head a bit, chewing on his next words.
“I think so. I mean, I care about her a lot,” He brushes his hair back again, turning his whole body to the side. “Isn’t that what love is? I mean, like, I’ve loved people before, but I don’t know if I’ve…” he trails off, his face shifting into something more.. fragile.
Vulnerable would probably be a better word for it, but Imperial feels like if he so much as breathes out he’d break apart.
Ayca’s eyes flick over to Imperial. He says slowly,
“I don’t know if I’ve ever really.. been in love,”
Imperial attempts to swallow down the lump forming in his throat.
“Oh,”
It looks like Ayca wants to say more, but he doesn’t.
This time, Imperial’s more than happy to let the silence ring between them.
He leans against the wall next to Imperial. His fingers drum on the concrete rhythmically.
“Have you?” Imperial’s eyes snap up to look at him, his heart pounding.
“What?”
Ayca looks at him now, studying his face.
“Y’know. Been in love,”
Imperial’s nose twitches as he barks out a laugh. An ugly, angry feeling rises in his chest. He rubs the side of his face with his hand and lets his linger on his neck. Gods, he’s so miserable.
“Yeah. Once,”
“How’d it end up?” Imperial’s head snaps up to look at him before he can even process what he said to him. It’s not his fault and he fucking knows it but knowing doesn’t stop the ugly rush of heat and anger from erupting from him.
“Don’t you fucking ask me that,” Ayca’s eyes widen as he flinches back (he doesn’t move away. Why isn’t he moving away?).
“I didn’t-“
“Cut the shit, you know exactly what you’re doing,”
Deep down, Imperial doesn’t think that he’s trying to antagonize him, because that would require him to be aware of his feelings for him (but honestly, how could he not be? Imperial is awful at hiding anything he feels).
He wants to cry or kiss him or throw up or punch him but really he shouldn’t do any of that so instead he’s yelling at him.
Push it all down and just be angry. It’s the easiest thing to do.
“Imperial, I-“
Imperial turns over his shoulder and walks away quick. He doesn’t look back or wait even for a second. His face is hot with shame and his nails are digging in his palms and he doesn’t even know where he’s even going to go he just knows he needs to get out.