i cannot be fucking bothered to deal with this rn
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i cannot be fucking bothered to deal with this rn
24 July 2025
The coffees I consumed on my way to work.
I have to admit, it does feels good to be back in the office, but the 1.5 hour car drive to get there didn't.
I think I'm gonna write some application letters soon:
to work at the university and/or
to write my doctoral thesis at the university
to work at my home city's administration
to work at a local telecommunication company
(I've already been working for all of them)
Other ideas I'm having for my future:
becoming a professional dog trainer
becoming a consultant for women's health, natural family planning & birth control, since I'm practicing this method as contraception myself successfully since 2022 and you can be a certified trainer for it
becoming a carpenter and joiner
working in the forest (poor salary)
I have many ideas but little confidence that a change in profession would really work out for me.
You know...
I am not sure about how many people mentioned this about Spider-Man, but I am sick of the unstable job situation Marvel has dealt him for the past almost 20 years. He gets job after awkward job, which they change his job for kicks. I know I say this in vain since with the situation I don’t buy comics to save money, but still, the whole unstable job situation is something that has gotten old for Peter Parker. It would be nice if they got him to work at Horizon Labs or something, I mean even back when he had the teacher job, then living with the Avengers, his unstable job situation had become fairly unrelatable and as I am becoming irritated, it has gotten worse.
Even for myself, it was a phase when I went from job to job, and eventually I was able to settle on one that would stick for at least a while. Peter Parker having a stable job is also key for how people see him, especially when his job at the Newspaper is kind of dated and people need some job for him to do that can stick and make an impression, and as most of us know, lasting for a while is key to making an impression in serialized fiction. So something for the writers and editors to think about regarding Spider-man is his job situation, I know I have other beef with what they do with him, but this is specifically about his work, because jumping from job to job is getting old and unrelatable for Spider-Man, IMO.
26 June 2025
I'm hungry and tired and bored at work. My knee hurt the last few days, but today it's finally better. My nose stopped bleeding some weeks ago, yay!
I'll take some days off, again, after working from home tomorrow, since it's my 30th birthday next Monday and I don't want to spend the week between my birthday date and my big birthday party 130 km far away in another city at work. I deserve better than that, lol. Luckily I have enough holidays left. We get a lot of paid holidays generally here in Germany, plus I don't do real vacations, where I would be off for two or more weeks, I always take like 3-4 days off, mostly around national holidays or other special events, just to chill at home (130 km apart).
This working situation has to change soon, I feel how the motivation leaves my body and my mind. I could reduce my working hours to only 19,5 hours per week and try to work and be present only 2 days per week (2x10 hour shifts). That's not much fun, but I could afford it financially. I'll reach the next salary level this November and my salary is pretty good already.
My dream job? Working from home without any professional contact to the outer world, what would that be? probably a farmer, or a nun. A lot of people would like to be "famous" and work as influencers /streamers nowadays, but I could never relate. I'd like to be as private and unknown as possible. My current job already brings me too much attention as I'm working in public service.
I just don't know, man, someone make me a rich trad wife, please? (my boyfriend is poor & doesn't want to marry me 🥲)
My colleagues have a superpower: they are so good at whispering when they want to be discreet in the office that they somehow manage to speak without any sound coming out their mouth. I swear they don't disturb the tiniest bit of air.
Sometimes, I'm on the receiving end of such whispers and inevitably find myself in the very uncomfortable situation where I can't for the life of me hear anything they're saying to me.
They must have had some sort of silent-whispering training I inexplicably skipped, and as I can't possibly ask them to repeat louder I choose to pretend I have supersonic hearing like everybody else (right?).
I've never liked whispering anyway. At work I mean. ASMR is still pretty much appreciated.
Corporate Red Flag
It's been a week and I've been 100% demotivated to work. I haven't worked as hard as I used to. After the "long vacation" between Oct 30-Nov 03, going back to work on Nov 06 felt oddly nonchalant.
I am, and have been, a very highly motivated corporate rat. But this week is the total opposite, I'm an absolute corporate red flag - hiding behind the Do Not Disturb status, pretending to work. It feels guilty. But what can I do? This week isn't my best. It is my worst week, in terms of work.
Crazy how our emotions, our feelings towards something, change so radically.
Just a few months ago, I harbored such deep excitement and love for work.
It’s only been a few months, but now I’m crying almost every night. Sometimes even as I type work documents. It’s upsetting at how much time this work demands of me.
I’m losing part of me, I’m also losing most of my time doing work.
To file for resignation is not such an easy choice to make, that’s why I'd have to endure this grief for a few more months. Or maybe a year. I don’t know. And it’s not that I want to leave, but I just...... (sigh)
Knowing how fast feelings and situations can change, I pray that there can be (even just a glimmer of) hope in the months to come.
Someone from work sent me a wrong email. (I wasn't supposed to be in it.)
Her message was something like, she was handling a lot and got the email mixed up.
I wanted to respond with, "It's okay. Please don't overwork and take care always." But I ended up simply saying, "It's okay. No worries."
Concealing my concern in fear of being misinterpreted. Work is such a tricky situation.