green bella

31yo fairy of the forest with a dog

[greenbellala]

I deep cleaned the bathroom (bathtub, toilet, sink, walls, floor), did my laundry, deep cleaned the kitchen (cupboards, stove, floor, dishes), cooked and ate, started doing my tax return (carried the heavy box with my folders full of documents three floors from the basement into my apartment), mediated for one hour, walked my dog two times and still feel like shit. I had to cry desperately at the end of and after my evening walk

[greenbellala]

Today I did some guided meditations, but I couldn't concentrate, my thoughts went on a journey or I fell asleep. I couldn't meditate while sitting because my whole body hurt. Even when laying down the pain continued. I got very bad at meditation. All I could think about was "ah I can't sit still, ah my leg hurts, ah my back hurts" and so on. I meditated for one hour straight. Do I feel better now? Hell no! Nothing makes me feel better, that's the tragedy. I'm going to take a shower and walk my dog now. Bye.

[greenbellala]

I'm slightly happy and excited because my boyfriend got a new job. He had been working as a hotel porter and now he's becoming the facility manager of an international company, which means more financial freedom for both of us. Also I'm proud of him.

[greenbellala]

I slept 10 hours last night but it was just one big nightmare. The kind of nightmare where you get buried alive and other fun things that felt pretty real. I woke up with a massive pain in my left ear and shoulder and the pain continued for half of the day. I need recovery from my sleep almost every day, isn't that strange? What happens to me at night besides nightmares and obviously bad sleeping positions?

[greenbellala]

blessed

because my love life finally seems to be going well for good, physical attraction continues and we both have a lot of orgasms that hopefully won't lead to a pregnancy

[greenbellala]

Me and my boy stayed at a luxury eremitage "hotel" with a crazy concept: a small historical old town house with 6 floors just for ourselves. Check-in, check-out and breakfast required the housekeeper but besides that we were all alone there as "temporary owners" of the place. It's a small building with a big history but I don't want to spoil it here because it's a hidden gem and I feel like I have to gatekeep things more, and I don't want to share my exact locations online in this era... yes I'm kind of paranoid and naive at the same time because I'm already made of glass with all my online and offline presences, I know I know but shh shhh let me believe I could hide.

[greenbellala]

I hate my job and get half a panic attack every time the phone rings. So I'm the average adult now, yey great!

[kamscorn]

no i dont want to ‘ask chatgpt’ i want to go to a wikipedia page and spend half an hour reading an article like a real person

[greenbellala]

We really need to put away the damn phone.

The future is digital, but happiness is analogue.

[greenbellala]

How do people just wake up and feel happy? Or feel at least not unhappy? And how do people have energy to do anything except to survive the day? On my days off I literally could do anything but all I can do is household chores, taking care of my dog and trying to calm down. Every morning I need to recover from the night before.

[greenbellala]

I just want to do art but I just can't do art, you know?

[blackbluecherryblossom]

i’m tired. but not just “didn’t sleep” tired. soul tired. bone tired. like my body keeps going but nothing inside knows why.

[ventras-world]

Learnt something on that from Hartmut Rosa (german sociologist) yesterday: We don't recover energy from 'wellnessing' or 'relaxing'. We regain 'social energy' from being 'in touch' with the world. By talking to others, by doing things, by experiencing things. Just doing 'nothing' won't fix this kind of feeling tired.

Smell grass. Feel wind on your skin. Taste good food. Have a deep talk (in person please).

This will refuel what sleeping and relaxing can't.

[greenbellala]

Talking to others, doing & experiencing things drains me. I'm smelling grass, feeling wind on my skin & tasting good food everyday, and sometimes I'm deep talking in person. Still tired of everything + physically tired on top because I don't get enough sleep.

[greenbellala]

glamour talk

diarrhea day 5 (?) I'm not quite sure why, is it a virus or just my period? my tummy hurts a lot 🥲

[greenbellala]

I'll tell you something: doing household chores in a big beautiful house is more fun than doing the same work in a small and not so nice apartment. Or maybe it's just because usually I don't live here everyday and cleaning someone else's home feels better than cleaning your own home. It's much easier for me although cleaning a smaller place is generally easier than cleaning a big place. But a bigger place offers more chances for organizing, having special rooms like a laundry room in the basement and a boiler room where it's warm and dry to dry the laundry indoors so it doesn't need to dry in the living room and of course you have an outdoor area which can be also used in many different ways. Cooking is more fun in a nice kitchen as well and gardening in the garden is better than on the balcony.

[greenbellala]

29 June 2026

I'm coming straight from the dentist (professional teeth cleaning, x-ray and check up). I was expecting cavities but nope, my teeth are good, my gum was bleeding a lot (which I knew would happen) and the medical professional reprimanded me a little bit (it was still ok). Now only my gynaecologist appointment is left but I couldn't reach my gynaecologist (they're the busiest doctors for sure, at least in my area, usually I would have to wait 2-5 months to get an appointment and even with an appointment I'll have to wait 1-3 hours in the waiting room, just to get told that everything is fine). I don't need any medication or hormonal treatment from them. But ok, it's still important to go there for check ups, I know.

Now I'm strolling through the historical old town back home. I'm feeling like a tourist in my own city amongst all the other tourists. My city looks slightly mediterranean although it's located in Germany but it was built by Romans. I'm wondering if I should meet someone for lunch or just go home and eat my leftover rice. It feels illegal to eat and drink after the dentist.

Tomorrow is my 31st birthday yay!

Edit: I met a friend for lunch (thai soup) & iced coffee.

[greenbellala]

This heat is killing everything.

[greenbellala]

Actually it's too hot to cook.