Building Self-Confidence and Assertiveness: 30 Exercises (Sort of 30 Day Challenge?)
this is my main blog post about this but these exercises are good so I thought I’d share them here too - check out the page on my ‘real’ blog for the full post.
Do something you haven’t done before - tell an employee that this is your first time and ask them to show you the ropes. They’ll probably be glad to show you; everyone likes to show people what they know! Besides which, it’s their job :P
Say no to something someone asks you for. If you can, try not to make up an excuse - just say no.
Go somewhere people don’t usually go alone, alone - a restaurant or a tourist attraction, etc. Don’t try to make it look like you’re waiting for someone, just be alone.
Take up space - use a shared armrest on public transport, stretch your legs out, sit your bag somewhere that’s not your lap or between your legs, anything.
Treat yourself - spend your money on you, ignore all whispers of conscience.
Tell someone something about yourself that you haven’t told them/anyone before. Don’t worry about what they might think. You can even do it on social media.
Ignore an opinion/piece of advice someone gives you. Nothing dangerous, hurtful or health related! Just make a decision by yourself, going against what someone else thinks - it’s your life and other people don’t know better than you what’s right.
Be honest all day. No lies, no concealment, just saying what you really think, what you really want, who you really are.
Ask someone for a little extension on a deadline - a teacher, a bill provider, a boss, a client.
Haggle with someone at a market. Not for much, just maybe get fifty cents/pence off something.
Ask someone at a store or library to help you find something. Again, they’ll probably be really happy to help, especially if they aren’t busy.
Spend a day, a week or just or a conversation without mitigating anything you say unless you really aren’t sure of something. No adding ‘I think’ or ‘maybe’ or questioning inflections unless you actually don’t know; and if you do, state it with assurance.
Talk about something you’re an expert in, or know a lot about. Don’t be afraid of arrogance; show your knowledge with confidence. Say, ‘I’m really good with [...]’.
Do something you’re great at at a beginner level. Impress people. Impress yourself.
Do something you’re bad at. Accept that you’re bad at it, admit it to others, be okay with that. Know you could get better if you practiced.
Make a mistake, do something wrong. Nothing dangerous! Laugh, file it away for future reference, then brush it off and go on with your day.
Ask a waitress or food provider to edit an item on the menu for you - add extras, substitute things, remove bits etc.
Wear something you wouldn’t normally wear, especially if it’s something that might get ‘looks’. Rock it!
Speak up in class or at work - add your voice, your opinion, make a suggestion.
Do something that scares you - admit to anyone you’re with that it scares you.
Be pushy. Campaign for something. Make something happen. Want a pay rise? Want real soap in the work bathroom? Want a better equality policy at school/work/the gym? Want something from your local government? Go ahead and ask for it. Argue your case.
Disagree with someone. Respectfully. Preferably not about anything personally or demographically sensitive
Take time off. From anything. Use it however you want.
Take time on. Make yourself do something you want to do, without coming up with any reasons not to. Apply for something you probably won’t get, try something you might be bad at, just put yourself out there even if you might not gain anything.
Allow yourself to look silly in public. Turn suddenly around on the street and walk the other way without fake-checking your phone. Go back to stare in a shop window. Walk funny. Jog badly. Hum to yourself. Stop to examine a flower, or chivy a beetle off the path. Act like you would alone.
Try something new at a restaurant. Don’t feel guilty or force yourself to eat it if you don’t like it - just say ‘sorry, I wanted to try it but it wasn’t for me,” when the waiter comes. If you love it, great!
Compliment someone out of the blue - not your best friend, someone you don’t know too well, or don’t know at all.
Reject someone outright. Say ‘no thanks’ to the salesperson, charity ambassador, the guy hitting on you, the person trying to strike up conversation on the bus, anyone you don’t want to talk to for any reason. Be polite, but firm. Stop being polite if they do! This applies to everything. If someone is treating you without respect, you have a right to defend yourself without respect.
Talk to someone you haven’t spoken to before. Imagine (although it isn’t imaginary, it’s true!) that you are equal to them, you are interesting, charismatic, and you are worth talking to, and they want to talk to you - of course, don’t choose someone who clearly doesn’t want to talk. Practice good conversation skills and praise yourself afterwards.
(If it’s a month of 31 days, a bonus - write down a list of things that you’re good at, or are great about you.)
Celebrate and reward yourself for your progress!
