#working-moms

[silkmum-blog]

wearable-breast-pump-guide-for-working-moms-modes-usage-comfort-explained

Real Problems

You're in a meeting. Your breasts are full. You're uncomfortable. You have two options:

Option 1: Excuse yourself, find a bathroom or pumping room, and spend 30 minutes struggling with tubes and bottles while your productivity tanks.

Option 2: Pump discreetly at your desk while answering emails. Nobody notices. Your supply stays up. You move on with your day.

This isn't fantasy. This is what hands-free breast pumping actually offers.

If you're a working mom, you know the reality: traditional pumps demand your time, your space, and your dignity.

Wearable pumps solve this.

This guide explains everything you need to know to decide if a wearable pump is right for you—without the fluff, with the truth, and built for moms like you.

What Is a Wearable Breast Pump?

A wearable breast pump is a small device that clips into your regular bra and pumps milk while you move freely.

That's it. No tubes. No sitting still. No visible equipment.

How It Works:

Device fits inside your bra (under your shirt)

Motorized suction mimics the baby's natural rhythm

Milk collects in cups inside the device

You unclip when done, empty milk, and move on

Takes 15-20 minutes total

Key Difference from Traditional Pumps:

Traditional pumps = you sit, hold the pump, watch the time, wait for milk, store bottles separately.

Wearable pumps = you clip in, forget about it, come back 20 minutes later, unclip, empty, done.

Why Wearable Pumps Matter for Working Moms

The Workplace Reality:

You're not getting proper pumping breaks. Even with legal protections, the reality is:

Your office culture doesn't support it

Finding private space is awkward

You feel rushed and anxious

Your supply drops from stress

Result: Many working moms quit breastfeeding by 3 months.

Wearable Pumps Change This:

Pump at your desk invisibly

Zero workplace judgment

Lower stress = better milk supply

Continue breastfeeding while working

How a Wearable Pump Actually Works

The Components:

Soft Silicone Flanges (17mm–24mm sizes)

Fits your specific nipple size

Right fit = comfortable, no pain

Wrong fit = discomfort and poor output

Battery-Powered Motor

USB-C rechargeable

Lasts 2-3 pumping sessions per charge

Operates at 30-45 decibels (whisper-quiet)

Collection Cups

Holds 5-7 oz (150–210 ml) of milk per cup

Sealed to prevent leaks

Can be stored in the fridge/freezer directly

Valve System

Controls suction rhythm

Creates two phases: stimulation + expression

Prevents milk backflow

Two Phases of Pumping:

Phase 1 - Stimulation (First 1-2 minutes):

Fast, gentle cycles (120+ per minute)

Triggers your let-down reflex

You feel the "tingle," and milk starts flowing

Phase 2 - Expression (Minutes 3-20):

Slower, stronger cycles (60-80 per minute)

Draws milk out efficiently

This is where you get most of your milk

Most pumps automatically switch. You just start it, and it does the work.

Know Your Pump: The Parts That Actually Matter

You don't need to understand pump engineering. You just need to know what each part does and why it matters for comfortable pumping.

The Flange: Your Critical Fit

What it does: The soft cup that goes directly on your breast. It creates the seal that makes suction work.

Why it's non-negotiable:

Your flange must fit your nipple, not your breast size. A mom with large breasts might need 17mm. A mom with small breasts might need 24mm. Breast size ≠ nipple size.

Wrong flange = pain, poor output, hating pumping

Right flange = comfortable, efficient, invisible pumping

Quick sizes:

17mm = small nipples 19mm = medium-small 21mm = medium to medium-large 24mm = large Most working moms use 17-21mm, not the default 24mm. If the included size hurts, try a smaller.

Valve & Membrane: The Tiny Parts That Control Everything

These rubber/silicone pieces control the rhythm and prevent milk from backing into the motor.

What matters: They wear out (6-12 months). If your pump used to feel strong but now feels weak, worn valves are the culprit. Replacing them (₹300-500) gives you another 6 months of pump life.

Pro tip: Check them after 6 months if you pump regularly.

Collection Cups: Where Milk Lands

Holds 5-7 oz per cup. Make sure they seal well (prevents backflow into the motor).

Choose cups that screw directly onto the motor if possible saves you an extra container and wash.

Motor Unit: The Signal Sender

For wearables: Battery-powered, operates at 30-45 decibels (whisper-quiet), lasts 2-3 sessions per charge.

The myth: More power = better milk.

Reality: Level 6 suction at the right flange size beats level 12 at the wrong size. Comfortable + effective beats maximum every time.

Buttons & Controls: Don't Overthink

Most wearables have:

Power button (on/off)

Mode button (switches between modes)

Suction dial (low to high)

That's it. You don't need 20 settings.

Real Benefits: What Actually Changes

1. You Get Your Time Back

Traditional pump schedule:

Setup: 5-10 minutes

Pumping: 25-30 minutes

Cleanup: 10-15 minutes

Total: 40-55 minutes per session

Wearable pump schedule:

Setup: 2-3 minutes

Pumping: 15-20 minutes

Cleanup: 5-10 minutes

Total: 25-30 minutes per session

At 3 sessions/day for 6 months: You save 30-60 minutes daily = 150-300 hours of your life back.

2. Pump Anywhere Without Shame

Wearable pump = invisible pumping:

In your office chair

During video calls (muted)

In meetings

While walking

While doing dishes

In a coffee shop (in your car)

On public transport

Traditional pump = everyone knows what you're doing.

3. Better Milk Supply

Lower stress from discreet pumping = better hormones = better supply.

Plus, you're not skipping sessions because you can't find a private space.

4. No Workplace Awkwardness

You don't have to:

Explain to male colleagues

Find a designated pumping room (that smells weird)

Feel guilty about taking breaks

Hide bottles in the bathroom

Face comments or judgment

5. Mobility and Freedom

You can:

Walk, work, eat all while pumping

Everything stays under your clothes

Breast Pump Modes Explained (In Simple Words)

Understanding modes changes everything. Once you know what each does, pumping stops feeling confusing.

Massage Mode (Stimulation Mode)

What it does: Fast, gentle suction (120+ cycles per minute) that triggers let-down.

How it feels: Tickling or light pressure sensation. Not powerful. Gentle.

When to use:

Always start here

First 2-5 minutes of every session

If milk slows mid-session, switch back briefly

What happens:

Minutes 0-2: Nothing (that's normal)

Minute 2-3: Tingling (let-down reflex)

Minute 3+: Milk flowing

Pro tip: Don't skip this, thinking it's "not real pumping." This mode does all the hard work for you.

Expression Mode (Collection Mode)

What it does: Slower, stronger suction (60-80 cycles per minute) that draws milk out.

How it feels: Drawing sensation. Firmer pull than massage mode.

When to use:

After 2-5 minutes of massage

When milk is actively flowing

For 10-15 minutes total

What happens:

Most milk comes in minutes 4-12

Flow gradually slows

That's when you stop

Pro tip: Don't crank to maximum. Start level 3-4. Increase every 15 seconds until it feels firm but comfortable. If it hurts, you're too high.

Lactation Mode (Auto Mode)

What it does: Automatically cycles between massage and expression for the whole session.

Who benefits:

Tired moms who don't want to think

First-timers who don't know when to switch

Anyone multitasking at work or home

Pro tip: If your pump has this, use it. That's what technology is for.

Pulse Mode (Relief Mode)

What it does: Very gentle, light suction. Basically a squeeze.

When to use: Only if you're engorged or sore. Never as your main mode.

What to expect: Comfort, not milk output.

Hands-Free Pumping Sounds Good. But Is It Really Better?

What Wearables Do REALLY Well:

✓ Discreet office pumping ✓ Pumping while multi-tasking ✓ Quick sessions (15-20 min) ✓ Portable and lightweight ✓ Quiet (won't disturb anyone) ✓ Easier cleanup ✓ For working moms specifically

Where Traditional Pumps Still Win:

✗ First 2-3 weeks (establishing supply) ✗ Exclusive pumping (need maximum suction) ✗ Very high output (12+ oz per breast) ✗ Battery management issues

Smart Mom Strategy:

Many lactation consultants recommend:

Weeks 1-8: Use traditional pump at home (builds supply)

Month 2+: Add wearable pump for work/mobility

Best case: Have both for different situations

Step-by-Step: How to Use a Wearable Pump Correctly

Before Your First Session: The Setup That Changes Everything

Most moms skip prep and wonder why pumping feels awkward. Don't be that mom.

Prepare Your Parts (The Day Before)

New pumps have manufacturing residue.

The steps:

Warm soapy water, gentle scrub, thorough rinse

Air dry completely (never assemble wet parts, mold risk)

Assemble gently when completely dry

If parts don't click smoothly, you're forcing them. Stop. Smooth clicks = correct assembly.

Choose Your Flange Size (Critical)

If you haven't measured: Measure your nipple diameter (not breast size) when not pumping. Use a ruler.

Nipple under 16mm compressed = 17mm flange

17-18mm = 19mm

19-20mm = 21mm

21mm+ = 24mm

If you've measured: Buy a flange size kit (₹400-800). Test each one. You'll know immediately when it's right, it feels right. Not painful. Not loose. Just right.

Find Your Sitting Position (Comfort Matters)

Best:

Slightly reclined (gravity helps milk flow)

Relaxed shoulders

Feet flat or supported

Comfortable for 15-20 minutes

Worst:

Hunched (blocks milk flow)

Rushed or anxious (your body knows)

Standing (gravity works against you)

Uncomfortable position = less milk. Position matters.

Mental Calm (2 minutes before actually important)

Your mind directly affects milk flow. This isn't woo. It's oxytocin.

Quick calm:

Three slow, deep breaths

Think of something that makes you smile (not baby-related, your brain knows that's pressure)

Phone on silent

Tell yourself: "My body knows how to do this."

You don't need meditation. You need permission to relax.

How to Pump Correctly (5 Simple Steps)

This is simpler than you think.

Step 1: Position & Secure

Center your nipple naturally in the flange (don't force it)

Should feel comfortable immediately

Clip the device into your bra, adjust the straps

Check: Comfortable right away? Yes = good positioning. No = adjust or try a different flange size.

Step 2: Start Low, Increase Slowly

Press power, start suction level 1-2

Every 15-30 seconds, increase by 1 level

Stop when it feels firm but comfortable

The feeling you want: Firm pressure, gentle pulling. Not painful. Not ticklish. Just firm and pleasant.

Most moms pump at level 5-8. Trust your body, not the number.

Step 3: Wait for Let-Down

Now in massage mode, waiting 1-2 minutes.

What happens:

Tingling in the breast (most common)

Milk starts flowing

Pump automatically switches to expression (or you switch manually)

If nothing happens after 2 minutes, you might still be stressed. Relax your shoulders. Take a breath. Let-down takes 1-3 minutes. Normal.

Step 4: Let It Work (12-15 minutes)

Milk is flowing. The pump is doing its job. You:

Check email

Drink water

Scroll

Read

Literally anything

Stop when the flow slows to drops (not streams). Most milk comes in the first 12 minutes. Pumping longer = soreness, not more milk.

Step 5: Remove Gently & Clean

Press OFF

Gently tilt to break suction (don't yank)

Rinse immediately with cool water

Wash with warm, soapy water

Rinse thoroughly, air dry

Store:

Room temp: 4 hours

Fridge: 4 days

Freezer: 6 months

After Pumping:

Store milk properly:

Room temp: 4 hours

Fridge: 4 days

Freezer: 6 months

Clean immediately:

Rinse with cool water

Disassemble parts

Wash with warm, soapy water

Air dry completely (prevents mold)

⚠️ Important Warnings:

❌ Don't oversuck (starts at low level for a reason) ❌ Don't pump while sleeping (risk of spills, damage) ❌ Don't bend suddenly while pumping (milk spills) ❌ Don't ignore discomfort (get a different flange size) ❌ Don't forget to charge (carry charger to work)

Wearable vs. Traditional: Quick Comparison

Bottom line: For working moms, pumping part-time = wearable wins. For exclusive pumping = traditional wins.

Who Should Actually Use a Wearable Pump

Perfect For:

✓ Working moms (office, corporate, any workplace) ✓ Moms with limited time ✓ Moms who travel regularly ✓ Moms pumping discreetly ✓ Moms with established supply (past 6 weeks) ✓ Moms pumping occasionally (not exclusively) ✓ Moms doing household tasks

Not Ideal For:

✗ Exclusive pumpers from day 1 ✗ Moms in first 2-3 weeks (supply building) ✗ Moms with very high output (12+ oz) ✗ Moms in NICU situations ✗ Moms who forget to charge things

The reality: If you work and pump occasionally, a wearable is perfect. If you exclusively pump, use traditional as primary.

Honest Challenges You Should Know

1. Learning Curve (3-4 Days)

First sessions feel awkward. By day 5, it's natural. Most moms complain about the first 2-3 days, then love it.

2. Flange Size Matters

Getting the wrong size = discomfort and poor output. Right size = everything clicks. Worth testing.

3. Battery Management

You must charge daily. Becomes routine quickly. Keep the charger at work.

4. Lower Initial Suction

Some have slightly gentler suction than hospital pumps. For an established supply? Not a problem. For building supplies? Use traditional first.

5. Spillage Risk

If you bend dramatically or move carelessly, milk can spill. Solution: move mindfully.

6. Not for Sleeping

Can't pump while sleeping (spill risk, safety issue). Pump only while awake.

SilkMum: Built for Indian Working Moms

We created SilkMum specifically for moms like you. Not designed by engineers who've never pumped. Designed by Indian moms who've pumped in corporate offices.

Why SilkMum Stands Out:

Quiet enough for Indian offices (30-45 dB)

Affordable compared to imports

4 flange sizes (fits diverse body types)

160ml collection capacity

Fast USB-C charging

Indian customer support (in your language, your timezone)

Why This Matters:

Pumping isn't just about the pump. It's about comfort, support, and having everything you need. SilkMum gives you the complete ecosystem, not just a device.

Explore the full range at silkmum.com

The Questions Every Working Mom Actually Has

Q: Can I really pump at work without anyone knowing?

A: Yes. Completely. The device is invisible under your clothes. Motor is whisper-quiet. I've pumped during video calls, in meetings, and at my desk. Nobody had any idea.

Q: How much milk will I actually get?

A: 5-7 oz per breast on average. Some get 4 oz, some get 8 oz. Depends on hydration, stress, flange fit, and frequency. 5-7 oz is normal and plenty for one baby feeding.

Q: What if I have low milk supply?

A: Wearables work fine for maintaining an established supply. For building supply initially (first 6 weeks), use a traditional pump. Once supply is stable, wearables work great.

Q: How long should I pump?

A: 15-20 minutes is ideal. Most milk comes in the first 12 minutes. Pumping longer doesn't get more milk—just causes soreness.

Q: Can I use it while traveling?

A: Yes. It weighs 250g (lighter than your phone). USB-C charges anywhere. TSA-approved for flights. Perfect for travel.

Q: Is it safe?

A: 100% safe. FDA-approved. Hospital-grade technology. BPA-free. Used by thousands of moms daily with zero issues.

Q: What if I can't find the right flange size?

A: Order a size kit. Test each one. You'll know immediately when it's right—comfortable, good seal, milk flows easily.

Q: Can I sleep while pumping?

A: No. Risk of spilling, damaging the device, and safety issues. Pump only while awake and alert.

Q: Will my output be lower than traditional pump?

A: For established supply? No, typically the same output. For building supply (first 6 weeks)? Traditional pumps are stronger. Use both for best results.

Q: How often should I clean it?

A: Quick rinse after each session. Deep clean once daily (boiling, steaming, or dishwasher). Takes 5-10 minutes.

Is a Wearable Pump Worth It?

The Math:

One-time cost: ₹3,000-₹12,000 (Avg price)

Time saved: 15-30 minutes per session

Sessions: 3 per day

Duration: 6+ months

Total hours saved: 150-300+ hours

What's 150 hours of your life worth?

For most working moms: priceless.

Beyond Time:

Better mental health (no stress, shame, or anxiety)

Maintained milk supply (thanks to less stress)

Continued career momentum

Your dignity intact

Work-life balance becomes possible

The Real Question: Is This Right for You?

You need a wearable pump if:

✓ You work in an office or public setting ✓ You need pumping breaks but hate the inconvenience ✓ You want to maintain supply without sacrificing your day ✓ Your milk supply is already established ✓ You pump 2-4 times daily (not exclusively) ✓ You value your time and mental health

You might want a traditional pump if:

✗ You're exclusively pumping from day 1 ✗ You're in the first 2-3 weeks (supply building) ✗ You need the absolute maximum output ✗ You hate remembering to charge devices

Smart approach:

Many moms use both. Traditional at home for efficiency. Worn at work for convenience.

Your Next Step

Stop sacrificing your career and mental health for your milk supply.

A good wearable pump isn't a luxury; it's a necessity for working mothers. It's the freedom to pump without stopping your day. It's maintaining your supply without shame or stress. It's proving you can be both a working mom AND a breastfeeding mom.

You deserve that freedom.

Ready to Try?

SilkMum offers wearable pumps specifically designed for working Indian moms. Same quality as imports. Local support. Affordable price.

Visit silkmum.com to explore your options.

Or have questions? We're here. Real moms answering real questions.

Because your job shouldn't mean you have to stop breastfeeding.

And your breastfeeding shouldn't mean you have to sacrifice your career

[oneilljennifer-blog]

Ivanka on Growing Up With Donald Trump, How He’s an ‘Incredible’ Role Model to Grandkids

Ivanka Trump is a busy woman. In addition to working full-time as executive vice president of development and acquisitions at the Trump Organization, she spearheads the #WomenWhoWork initiative, founded the Ivanka Trump Collection, is an entrepreneur, a mother of two young children — and is expecting her third in two short months. Trump spoke to Yahoo Parenting about why she doesn’t like the “having it all” conversation, how her husband, real estate developer Jared Kushner, is a hands-on dad, and how her father, Donald Trump, has been an “incredible” role model for her children. Ivanka, who spoke to Yahoo Parenting the day before the Jan. 28 Republican debate, which her dad has bowed out of, does joke, though, that her kids are still too young to really know much about his presidential run. But that doesn’t mean he’s not priming them to follow in his footsteps: Between summers spent together at their New Jersey golf club, driving around the streets of New York City with 4-year-old Arabella, and teaching her how to point out potholes, the grandpa is “really, really amazing with the kids,” she says.

Yahoo Parenting: How are you feeling this pregnancy? Ivanka Trump: I feel great. Our house is in a constant state of chaos but I feel great. Arabella is very excited [too]. Joseph is less excited and is now just constantly reminding me that he’s my baby. ... He’s very excited though that I moved him in to share a bedroom with his sister. They’re thick as thieves and it’s the most fun thing to ever have happened to them in their lives.

STORY: I Never ‘Do it All’ — and I’m OK With That

Photo: Instagram/Ivanka Trump

You’ve spoken often about hating the “Can you have it all?” question. Why does it bother you so much? It implies that there’s only one right way to live your life, and that’s just not true. Having it all means different things to different people. In the arc of our own lives, even, we have different priorities at different times. What’s incredibly important and fulfilling today is very different from what I thought was important and fulfilling at 22. So the definition of happiness and fulfillment evolves. You have to discover for yourself what your priorities are and what’s important to you. That’s how I like to think about my life.

STORY: Donald Trump’s Troubled Brother: When One Sibling Doesn’t Fit In

What’s your priority right now? It’s really the individual time with each of them, spending one-on-one time with them. ... Arabella loves reading. Joseph always wants to play with cars and trains with me on the floor. I make sure each day I spend like 30 minutes doing something with each kid.

Photo: Abbey Drucker

What’s the secret to balancing that priority with your career demands? I think about balance only through the lens of scheduling. If I’m away from the kids two nights in a row, I won’t schedule a dinner out the night I’m home. ... And I try to be really reflective of how I spend my time and think back at the end of the week and ask myself questions about it. If my kids need me, I’m with them. They’re my top priority, and I’m unequivocal about that, but it doesn’t mean that they’re always the only thing I focus on.

How do you make that happen, though? I’m thinking about life in slightly longer increments than making sure everything is right every minute of the day. [It’s about making] sure you’ve orchestrated and set up life in a way that you’re actually where you want to be. I feel like I’m getting better at that. Part of it is a bit of experience. I was much more reactive and critical of myself with Arabella. By the time Joseph was born, I became a little less critical of myself because I had the comfort of knowing I had created a solid bond with my daughter and I could create that relationship. Hopefully that will continue.

Photo: Instagram/Ivanka Trump

What does your time with the kids look like? Because I can’t be there for everything, I focus on the high-impact moments as a family, the traditions. For me, that’s being there at the anchors of the day. I almost never have plans in the evening. I go to dinner later. It enables me to read to the kids and put them to bed prior to going back to work or out to dinner or to a workout. Mornings are very important to us and we have breakfast together. Weekends, I almost never schedule things.

Photo: Instagram/Ivanka Trump

I also think, as family, it’s really fun for us to develop our own traditions and activities. In fall we’ll go apple picking then make apple pie and give apples away to soup kitchens. ... In winter we try to take the kids skiing, the train show, the Nutcracker. The circus is always coming to New York. And every summer we go with Arabella’s cousins to the ballet. Joseph is going to his first monster truck show. He’s very excited about that.

Sounds like you’re pretty intentional about the family bonding. I spend a lot of time thinking about what kind of traditions we want to keep as a family. I keep lists of the things we’ve done that would be fun to do again. I try to repeat the ones the kids enjoy. [That’s because] working as much as I do, it’s really important to be engaged with the kids when I’m there.

Photo: Instagram/Ivanka Trump

What do you do for childcare? We have a nanny. I’m very grateful to her. I wouldn’t be able to do what I do without knowing my children are well cared for by a loving, warm, capable person. That’s critical. And how do you and your husband split parenting duties? Jared is incredible, so hands-on, and an amazing father ... and he accepts any form of delegation I send his way. During weekdays I’m more present — he’s often working later into the evenings — but during the weekend we’re always together as a family. But he’s actually taught me a lot about parenting. When Arabella was younger, I’d try to focus on what I wanted to do with her. I’d come home from work and be so tired I’d be like, “Cuddle with me!” but she’d be running around and not interested. I learned from watching Jared that you have to really subrogate yourself to play with them in a meaningful way. You can’t force someone to color if they’re not interested. 

Ivanka and Dad then. (Photo: Time Life Collection/Getty Images)

What traditions did you do with your father and family growing up? Lots centered around the holidays: Thanksgiving together, cutting down trees at Christmas. We just had a lot of things that we’d do as a group, different games we’d play inside and outside.

And now. (Photo: Jaime McCarthy/Getty Images)

Are there things that your father did or said raising you that you find yourself doing now as a parent? My father always encouraged us to come into the office and experience what it is he does every day and is passionate about, and I think that’s why my siblings and I are involved in the Trump Organization and are working in real estate. His passion and enthusiasm ultimately became infectious for us. So, instead of compartmentalizing my work and home, I love when Arabella and Joseph come into the office. ... Arabella and I have had weekly lunch dates. I think involving them in a natural way into my passions is important. Now Arabella knows her way around a floor plan, the color coding. I think it’s really fun to expose them to the cool things I do.

Photo: AP Photo

Do your children know that Grandpa is running for president? The kids are a little bit young to pick up on that, but they love him.

He’s gotten flak for disparaging comments he’s made about women. What kind of a role model would you say your dad is to his granddaughter?  Incredible. He’s really, really amazing with the kids. They see him most weekends during the summer. We’re together in New Jersey with one of our golf clubs. They spend a lot of time rolling around with him on golf carts. They adore him. It was funny, I was walking down the street with Arabella and she saw a large pothole and said, “Mom, Grandpa would not like that!” She gets that from driving around with him. I just thought that was such a cute comment. [Because of him,] she’s paying attention to New York City infrastructure!

(Top photo: Instagram/Ivanka Trump)

Please follow @YahooParenting on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest. Have an interesting story to share about your family? Email us at YParenting (at) Yahoo.com.

[oneilljennifer-blog]

New Law Gives Parents More Flexibility at Work

For California parents, the days of having to choose between their jobs and tending to childcare or school-related needs are over. 

As of Jan. 1, a new law in the Golden State allows working parents to use their paid sick days to care for a child during a childcare or school emergency — and to take job-protected time off to find and enroll kids in childcare or school — without risking discrimination or termination. 

Story: Meet the Man Who Sued His Boss to Spend More Time With His Kids

Per Senate Bill 579, which was signed into law by Gov. Jerry Brown on Oct. 11, employers with more than 25 workers must provide up to 40 hours per year (not to exceed eight hours a month) for parents to attend to family emergencies such as tending to a sick child or a school closing because of a terror threat. Under the new law, the pool of eligible employees is also expanded to include stepparents, foster parents, grandparents, and other persons who essentially act as a parent to a child. 

Story: ‘You Can Have It All, but Not All at Once’: Words of Wisdom From Single Mom (and President Obama Confidant) Valerie Jarrett

“Existing law allows workers the ability to take time off to participate in activities of the school or licensed child day care facility of his/her child; however, this time must be either unpaid or taken using a vacation, personal leave, or compensatory time off,” according to the state’s Senate Floor Analyses report of the bill, issued in July. “The author and proponents of this bill believe that more flexibility is needed. … Proponents argue that parents need assurance they will not lose their job when they must leave work to attend to the well-being of their child. They believe that by allowing working parents to take time off for these important reasons, the Legislature will strengthen its support for working mothers and fathers by helping them keep their jobs while fulfilling their parental obligations. Proponents argue that this bill also benefits employers by strengthening employee morale and job retention for working parents.” 

A few other states have laws like this, including Vermont and Louisiana, but the California statute is broader than others because it requires the employer to make leave available for any form of unscheduled school closure (think snow day) and provides for leave if a child is sent home from school for reasons other than illness, such as suspension, Elizabeth Tippett, an assistant professor at the University of Oregon School of Law, tells Yahoo Parenting. “Other state sick-leave laws only honor school closures where the closure relates to a public-health emergency.”

Employment law expert Jeffrey M. Hirsch, a professor at the University of North Carolina School of Law in Chapel Hill, tells Yahoo Parenting the law is also unique in that it’s “a pretty significant expansion of what the federal FMLA [Family and Medical Leave Act] provides.” 

And while he says there’s not much likelihood that California’s move will create a domino effect of other states enacting similar laws, Hirsch has hope that individual companies may follow suit. “I see this as part of a trend that includes some private-sector employers providing better leave,” he says. “As more people experience and expect such leave, there may be more of a national push to give similar leave to more employees.” 

Companies, in fact, may opt to follow California’s lead simply for administrative purposes — to make policies uniform for workers in all of the states in which they have offices, Marcia L. McCormick, director of the William C. Wefel Center for Employment Law and professor of law at St. Louis University, tells Yahoo Parenting. “They’ll go with it just so it’s easier,” she adds.

But no matter how or why the protected time off is administered, McCormick says it’s an important achievement that it’s offered. “Generally speaking, it’s impossible, more than at any other time previously seen, to maintain some kind of moderate middle-class life,” she says. “Both parents often have to work, and the only way they can do it is to have childcare or kids in school. That makes figuring out childcare and getting kids established in school really essential to being able to make both parents able to work and keep the family going. So making sure that employees can take the time they need when they cannot have childcare or kids in school — or even to arrange those things — makes a lot of sense. Working parents can therefore maintain their job, their standard of living.” 

Even with the risk of the new law reinforcing gender stereotypes (McCormick thinks women will be more likely to take advantage of the policy and then perpetuate the idea of mothers as primary caregivers), she says the law is “really just smart in terms of economic stability.” 

Top photo: Kelly Knox/Stocksy

Please follow @YahooParenting on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest. Have an interesting story to share about your family? Email us at YParenting (at) Yahoo.com.

[oneilljennifer-blog]

Mom of 5’s Staggering Cost to ‘Do It All’: $18K a Month

Laundry, dishes, packing lunches, paying bills: Running a household may be full of necessary chores, but one working mother doesn’t think she necessarily has to be the one doing them — so she doesn’t. Mother of five Bridie Nolan is a lawyer in Sydney, Australia, who recently divulged the details of how she outsources most of the tasks for her family — for the whopping cost of more than $4,600 a week or $18,000 a month in U.S. dollars — and has zero regrets. 

"I simply could not do it all, maintain a practice and be nearly human," Nolan told Australia’s Sydney Morning Herald on Tuesday about how she and her husband (above in a family photo) have hired a live-in nanny, three once-a-week cleaners, an executive assistant (for her bookkeeping and client scheduling), and a researcher to help with her casework. "I know outsourcing to the extent to which I do is not for everyone, but when what you have to sell is your time, there is not really any other option." 

STORY: How Daughters Benefit From Working Moms

Nolan’s goal isn’t to have more time for tennis, the spa, or some such, she insists; it’s to get enough sleep and exercise so that she can give proper attention to her family. "There are only 24 hours in a day,” she explained. “I have learned in my older years that I need to sleep eight of those hours, exercise for one of those hours, and travel to and from work for another hour. That leaves me with 14 hours.” Allotting 11 to 12 of those hours working, she said, the remaining two are for parenting. “I need to spend [them] with my girls and my husband, not cleaning, doing my accounts, following up emails, washing or tidying the house." (Yahoo Parenting was unable to reach Nolan for comment.)

STORY: A New Era of Daddy Shaming and Chasing Work-Life Balance

Bridie Nolan’s children. (Photo: Facebook/Bridie Nolan)

And the arrangement doesn’t benefit only her. The whole family reaps the reward, she maintains. “I have time to sit with the kids and watch movies on rainy weekends, get out and spend hours outdoors,” noted the mom. “I also have time to spend, although not as much as I would like, with my husband. It has freed me to be a better version of me." 

Faced with a frustrating number of balls to juggle each day, every day, many working mothers “end up throwing up their hands in exasperation and saying, ‘I can’t live this way!’ and quit their jobs,” Stanford Graduate School of Business economist Susan Athey told the New York Times in an article about the wisdom of outsourcing household responsibilities. “You have to start from a point where you say: What is necessary for me to be happy with my decision to be a working mother?” 

If possible, it’s well worth the effort to change things up, psychotherapist Amy Morin tells Yahoo Parenting. “A lot of parents struggle to be fully present during their tasks,” explains the 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do author. “When they're cleaning, they feel guilty they aren't spending time with the kids. Yet when they're playing with the kids, they feel rushed because they think they should get back to work. It can be a vicious cycle that leaves moms and dads feeling overburdened and unproductive.” 

Licensed family therapist Paul Hokemeyer recommends that a parent looking to make a change take 10 minutes and list his or her priorities, rate each from one (the top focus) to 10, then look at everything below priority three and consider how they might be delegated to someone else. 

“The notion that we can effectively multitask is fiction,” he tells Yahoo Parenting. “The stress and frustration of trying to do it all is incredibly corrosive to the integrity of a family's emotional and physical well-being. It robs a family of quality relationships. The key to a happy and healthy life is to focus on what's important and either delegate or let go of the rest.”

Top photo: Facebook/Bridie Nolan

Please follow @yahooparenting-us​ on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest. Have an interesting story to share about your family? Email us at YParenting (at) Yahoo.com.

[oneilljennifer-blog]

The Rise of 24-Hour Childcare Centers

Children at Dee’s Tots Childcare in New Rochelle, New York. Photo: Alice Proujansky

The first time I saw a nanny pick up Kaley, a little girl in my son’s daycare, running in just like me at 6:30 p.m. as the center closed, I thought nothing of it. I knew the 2-year-old’s mother and father often worked long hours. The second and third time that week, I started to feel badly for Kaley. Like my son, with whom Kaley often ate dinner at daycare, she probably hadn’t seen much of her parents in a few days. But Kaley and my little one have it made compared to an increasing number of kids in 24-hour childcare who aren’t even able to sleep in their own beds most nights.

Children at Dee’s Tots Childcare in New Rochelle, New York. Photo: Alice Proujansky

“Many Americans now can’t necessarily choose when to work and when to parent,” writes Alissa Quart in her article, “The Rise of Extreme Daycare,” published November 10 in the magazine Pacific Standard. In fact, nearly 40 percent of Americans have non-standard work lives, often with unpredictable hours making child care a real challenge – especially for the 28 percent of children living with a single parent in 2013. STORY: Daycare vs. Nanny

Such is the story of Marisol, a woman Quart interviewed about putting her two young girls in day-and-overnight care at Deloris Hogan’s Dee’s Tots Childcare in New Rochelle, New York, one of the rising number of childcare centers open seven days a week. The mother is “raising the girls on her own, working at a supermarket from 8 a.m. until 2 p.m. and at Home Depot from 6 to 10 p.m., six days a week,” writes Quart. “The girls are at the Hogans’ for both of her shifts, and she’s with them between 2:30 and 5:30 p.m. each day.” Marisol tells Quart: “I worked one job 29 hours a week, so I got a second job, as I can’t afford to take care of my kids — I need more money to be surviving.” STORY: Hefty Annual Cost of Raising a Kid

And she is not alone. The average American adult now works one and a quarter jobs, all too many capped at 29 hours because if an employee works more hours, employers are required to provide health insurance. “Working people who live below the poverty line are particularly afraid to say no to these unusual schedules,” reports Quart. “They may have no one to say no to, anyway — those schedules might have been created by computers, rather than human managers, in the hopes of saving corporation money. Many companies now use data and algorithms to schedule employees so fewer hours will be spent sitting around.The software doesn’t care if a shift falls in the middle of the night. Or that it might tear a big hole in an employee’s family life.” The New York Times also tackled the complications this situation can cause in their much-publicized August profile of a Starbucks’ employee.

And of course, these situations have an impact on the children. “Research shows that family routine and rituals reduce anxiety in kids,” child psychologist Dr. Alan E. Kazdin, Director of the Yale Parenting Center, tells Yahoo Parenting. “I hesitate to spell it out, because you have a bunch of moms running around feeling guilty already, but we know that the quantity and quality of time parents spend with kids makes a difference in the child’s development. It teaches them impulse control and aids in emotional development.” Remove the stability of a bedtime routine and sleeping in the same bed every night, he says, and it may seriously stress children out, not to mention exacerbate any behavioral problems they may already be having. “You want as much contact as you can with your child,” he says. “And while good care is necessary, of course, and can be great, it isn’t contact.”

Children at Dee’s Tots Childcare in New Rochelle, New York. Photo: Alice Proujansky

Left so often away from home without their parents, Quart reports that a few of the kids at Dee’s Tots seemed “parentified,” in other words, wise beyond their years. She writes, “One night, the Hogans played the film Coraline, a dark fantasy about a child whose real mother is replaced by a fake one, replete with buttons for eyes. One of the kids turned to me and said, ‘Why do children think parents are going to save them?’ She paused. ‘That’s stupid.’”

A parents’ overnight absence can be offset by a loving relationship between children and caregivers, Dr. Tovah Klein, Director of the Barnard College Center for Toddler Development and author of How Toddlers Thrive, tells Yahoo Parenting. But it’s still an inherently stressful situation for kids. “For a child, knowing where they will be and who will take care of them, with some predictability is an important piece of feeling safe and taken care of,” she says. “If the reality is that a parent has to work a night shift, then a child needs love, comfort and continuity in their nighttime care.”

Therein lies the rub: Parents at the mercy of ever-changing work schedules, with no family to help or means to bring a caregiver into their home, simply can’t provide continuity because of the nature of their jobs.

“It’s a terrible situation,” Jennifer Owens, Editorial Director of the Working Mother Research Institute, tells Yahoo Parenting. “Having a schedule set just a week in advance is really hard on everyone. What parents have to do to support their families, in this economy with such low wages, it’s unconscionable.” The fact that 24-hour childcare centers exist is a godsend, she insists. “It’s an awful situation to be in but I’m thankful there is someone coming up with a way to help.”

Helpful or harmful, round the clock care is ultimately still just a Band-Aid for the bigger problem. “We need to create worker-focused schedules,” Owen says. “Team-based flexibility, often practiced among nursing staff, is one answer.” But what it really comes down to, she says, is the phrase, “schedule stability.”

She adds, “This whole phenomenon of working two jobs and so many schedule changes puts undue pressures on working families.” 

[astoriaparents-blog]

I'd take Astoria any day over the happiest place on Earth

Yesterday, I was on plane, on the way home from a 6 night long business trip in Orlando.  It was the longest I have yet been away from my son and my husband since my son was born.  It was rough.  More so because I had been working crazy hours leading up the the trip, and spending less time with my family and friends.  I am exhausted.  Spent.  Finito.

I had a few moments to think and be unconnected from the world on the plane, and I finally acted on my urge to write a post for this blog.  (By scribbling my thoughts into Evernote on my phone.) I often hesitate to write because when things are really, really crazy with work and with home (which seems perpetual these days), I don't want to sound like I am complaining.   I know we all have our struggles from many fronts.  But here's mine. 

Sometimes I think I don't have time to run this group (Astoria Parents Meetup)... that it's crazy to even try.  And I feel so much guilt for not doing enough as mom, as a friend, as a worker, as a group leader, as a wife. But I love this group. It has brought me more friendship and support than I ever could have hoped for.

So I will keep coming back.   I will keep running this group.  I want to write more.  I may not plan as many things as I would like.  Or even be able to attend many of the ones that the other group members plan.   I hope you can forgive me.  I am so thankful to have you all in this wonderful community.

Also, I want to publicly thank Carrie for stepping up as an amazing Assistant Organizer.  She is tremendous.

Anyway, I am back now in good, ol' Astoria.  It is summer in NYC, and I'd better take a quick nap so that M and I can run around the park when he gets up! 

See you around.

For more about Jorli, check out our Contributors page.

[astoriaparents-blog]

City Baby Journal: The Commute

By Carrie Meconis

I am a mommy who works fulltime and decided on a family daycare that is near my workplace in the city.  What this means is that from the time I went back to work when my little one was a just under 3 months, I have done the Astoria to Manhattan commute with baby.  Here the travel in a nutshell, on a good train day…

- Leave house at 7:35am

- 13 minute walk to the train, hoist the stroller up the stairs

- 40 minute train ride (N train to 8th Street in Manhattan – can’t take the Q, 8th is a local stop…), hoist the stroller up the stairs

- 12 minute walk from train to daycare, drop off child

- 12 minute walk back to work (yes, the train stop is literally right across from my building)

- Work 8:45am to 5:00pm

-12 minute walk to daycare, pick up child (usually stay there for 5-10 minutes to chat)

- 12 minute walk back to train, hoist the stroller down the stairs

- 40 minute train ride (N train to Astoria – or R train to 14th Street to transfer to the Q train to Astoria.  OH the joys of working on a local train stop, not express), hoist the stroller down the stairs

- 13 minute walk home

- Arrive home usually somewhere between 6:10pm-6:35pm depending on trains

At this point I will sometimes have to walk the dog, which means convincing the toddler to stay in the stroller just a little bit longer to get the dog out for a 15 minute potty walk.

I’m sort of tired just looking at that list.

All that aside, I wouldn’t change it for anything.  Would it be “easier” if I found a place in Astoria, probably.  Would it be “easier” if I lived in the suburbs and drove everywhere instead, probably.  But I love having my daughter with me on the commute and I love having her close to my work, just in case.  Here is just one story out of a million why I love it –

My little lady at 20 months old is a better New Yorker than I am after living here for almost 14 years.  Because she listens, she pays attention, and she understands what city living really means.  Every day just after I stand in line and politely ask the agent to open the gate to the subway, she looks up, smiles, giggles and tells me what I used to tell her “No R choo-choo (meaning train) … N choo-choo Mommy,”  Already she knows what train to take to get home. Amazing.

Read more about Carrie on our Contributors page.