#worlditsmeem

[worlditsmeem-blog]

Skipping Forward

Shooting a little farther into the story brings us to 2011. Freshman year had approached and summer dwindled behind us like drunken memories. I’d spent the summer with my grandmother helping her recover from a foot surgery she needed. My summer (while I liked being at my grandmothers’) had been isolated and friendless. Unless of course, it happened to be a time where I could escape to the small town in which my dad lived. There are more details about this interesting place in a future post.

This part of our story is about Aaron.

For some reason, I looked back at past Facebook messages between himself and me tonight. Honest to god I was just searching for an answer to a simple question I had:

Was he the one that caused my resentment in sending dirty pictures to my fiance?

For the record, the answer is perplexing and I don’t understand it, either. Maybe these blogs I’m sharing will help me find this answer (along with many more about myself). I found so much more than I had been looking for. I can’t throw the full blame across his shoulders; we were completely toxic for each other. Being as mentally unsound as we both were, I’m quite shocked that it took so long for one of us to implode.

We met in biology-botany to be exact. That is about the only sound fact I can give you about that class because every moment of my time that year was dedicated to him. The beginning of our relationship was subtle and immature. We goofed around, teased each other, and acted like dorks. For some reason, my mind couldn't rid the thought of him and if I heard his name brought up in conversation it gave me shivers.

First love is deep and unique. After a few weeks, we’d ended up announcing our “love” for one another right after the homecoming game. The beginning of our relationship was wonderful, unfortunately, it only lasted about six months. Gradually,  small details surrounding the air between us began to change.

“Promise not to show any cleavage at all baby....please promise me?” “Promise me to not flirt with any guys, ever.” “Don’t talk to anyone after nine pm on your phone, because you need to get some sleep. If you don’t then I won't be able to sleep.”

It was so small and insignificant at the time that I hadn't allowed it to bother me. I had actually convinced myself at one point that he loved me so much. That he honestly wanted to make sure I was well rested and taken care of.

So started a point in my life I refer to as “Promises Kept?”

Lovely.

[worlditsmeem-blog]

How young is too young?

Not by any means am I saying my whole life has been dark and dreary, nor am I saying that is has been kittens and rainbows. 

How young is too young to start feeling miserable? My mom and dad used to fight a lot and as a toddler, I remember going to a next door neighbors house quite frequently. The fighting was especially bad one night and I could hear them all the way across the hall. (apartment complex) 

I slipped past my babysitter's legs and despite her best efforts I flung the door open just in time to see my mom fling a shoe at my dads head. Rubbing the knot on the back of his head he looked over and shot a large overly-fake smile at me. Upon seeing me they both froze.

“I’ll be back home soon, Em.” He said, before turning to my mom with teary eyes and heading out the door. Unfortunately, this was a lie. 

Thankfully he is still largely a part of my life and I will always love him unconditionally, but he did not return home. To my child perspective, it seemed almost immediately that my mom was remarried and we moved out of the only place I’d known as home and into the country. This was all fine, and I was going to my fathers’ house on the weekends. 

Don’t get me wrong, I love my mother unconditionally as well and always will. We have had our own relationship problems but that’s a story for another time. My problems with the male species began with my stepfather. His probation for drinking and driving had ended and he hadn't a care in the world. 

Not even for his family, and especially for my brother and I.