May 16
Tumblr is a home to so many misunderstood people.
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Tumblr is a home to so many misunderstood people.
The Wedding Specter
There should always be a specter at a wedding. He sits in the back of the room, looking. Watching. He observes the union of two happy people without being happy himself. That is the role I fill.
I have three friends at this wedding. And the girl I came in with isn't one of them. It's a lovely day full of happy couples. Full of children, and grandchildren, and aged grandmothers having a chance to smile at the new future these two get to make. But I don't get that luxury. It's my job.
My place is to look. To listen. I see the beginnings and endings unfolding in the room. I make small talk with the outliers. I encourage them to come together with their new families, but I am not part of the family.
I know the bride. I know the goom. I once had a crush on one of the bridesmaids. Her brother is the only other friend I have in the room. My date is awkward. She's cold and lonely. She doesn't know any of these people. And she doesn't understand their importance to me.
I created this wedding. I made it happen. I worked in the background. The photographer is never photographed, the caterer never gets to eat the dinner. So too I never take the spotlight. I don't resent this. I like it this way. I have power. I ensure my friends are happy.
I can't help but wonder about my own wedding. Some days I am sure it will never happen. But sitting in the room of happy people and seeing love so prominently displayed... I can't help but feed a tiny spark of hope. I look at my date as she makes small talk with the new family and I consider what future may lay in wait for us. But I doubt my own hope.
The reception drags out. The music kicks in. I stay for one dance. And then I leave. That too is part of my job. A good specter leaves the light, the fun, and the love. I am not made for those things tonight. Now is the time for couples, for love, and to stop thinking about the future. That is why the specter goes. He takes the darkness with him.