#wrote some shit

[purrincess-chat]

I have finally cleaned out my AO3 inbox! This bitch is empty, yeet! 👏

[yoyoyowassup4]

Afraid

I am afraid. You may ask me, “Why are you afraid?” I don’t know. But I am still afraid. Maybe I am afraid because fear is an overpowering emotion. You may love, but you may also fear love. You may hate, but you may also fear hate. Fear itself is something to be afraid of. Perhaps I am afraid because I know nothing can be avoided. No matter what you fear, you will always be exposed to it, in one way or another. You may ask me, “What are you afraid of?” I don’t know. Not exactly. But I am still afraid. I know I fear spiders. When I see one of the creatures, tears form in my eyes. My heart races, my mind goes blank, my body shakes. I don’t know why I am so afraid. But I am still afraid. I know I fear commitment. It isn’t that I fear the process, and it isn’t that I don’t want to commit. I want more than anything to commit to a person, to have someone to love forever. Someone to laugh with forever. I crave love. But I am afraid. Afraid of letting the person down. Afraid of my own feelings. Afraid that I will never be good enough. I don’t know why I am afraid. But I am still afraid. I know I fear my mind. There is no way that I can make the jumbled thoughts and words that float around behind my eyes clear. I’m often not sure what I am feeling, or what I am thinking. My mind is a mystery that I am scared to solve. I don’t know why I am afraid. But I am still afraid. You may ask me, “How do you deal with being afraid?” I don’t know. I barely manage. Seeing a spider leaves me frozen. Attempting to commit leaves me trapped in my own feelings. Thinking for too long gives me headaches, makes me sick. I am afraid to deal with the things that leave me paralyzed with fear. So I am still afraid.

[awavyybabyy-blog]

Fuck.

I’m so fucked
This love shit sucks
I just want your hugs
Kiss your face and be in love I’m just so fucked
You don’t want my love
Is it cause I’m too much
Or am I just not good enough Maybe I’m just caught up
I’m thinking bout you too much
Dreaming of your touch
You make me feel like love Warm my heart with tea and hugs
Tell me I’m the only one
Let’s be cliche and roll some bud
Sorry I’m just thinking too much

[ohthistown-itssoelectric]

For once it my life it seems I have experienced what it is like to live in a movie. Getting out of work at 10 pm on a Sunday bursting with excitement at the the thought of being in a pool in less than 5 minutes with a bunch of friends. Upon arriving I barely even got my apron off before jumping in and I still had my shoes on. That was always something I dreamed of writing about but I never thought I would have a chance to make it real. I spent the next 90 minutes in what I could only explain as movie-like. To try explaining it would just turn it into something unworthy of the feeling it gave me. I let myself be a person who was not afraid of experiencing life in the cliché manner of the phrase but I wanted to be a part of it. 

[ohthistown-itssoelectric]

Sometimes I wonder what it is you see when I have your eyes looking back at me. Do you see the bits of me that never want to see you leave or the part that begs for you to never look away. What I see when I have your eyes looking back at me is something that reminds me of the world I came from, the world in which we all came from, the world with which God made man. I see the depths of the oceans and and the surface of a stream. You are made of what we all are made of but for some reason you have it so visibly imprinted on your skin and in your eyes, on your tongue and through your lips you show me what it means to be of this earth and of our God. You show me that person I want to be but make me feel okay about not being there just yet. You make me feel exposed in the safest way. Take from me all that you need because I find myself weeping over what I have already stolen from you. I’ve stolen the things I wanted and thought I needed. I never heard you weep and I never heard you cry. You never will tell me what it is like in your mind. You don’t have to because we are one in the same. We are both of our God and we need not change. 

[fabulaceae]

i've done a million things today and not a single one of them is what i should be doing