seen from Hong Kong SAR China
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seen from T1
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Malaysia
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seen from South Korea
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
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Stephen Davies, genius that he is, decided to varnish to wood floor at bloody 4.30pm and now no one can go anywhere. All I’ve wanted all day is to go to bed ffs and now it’s bed time and we’re all confined to three rooms in the house and going next door to pee 😂 Drinking vodka and watching captain marvel to cope 👍🏻 He’s says I’m giving him the evils and I absolutely am 😂 #wtfdad https://www.instagram.com/p/CNsjK9JB6w1/?igshid=1b28r771qf05j
y’know i thought quarantine couldn’t get any worse, but today my dad has decided to watch laugh track shows during breakfest and honest to god this is my breaking point.
I would just like to say how much I love it when I fuck up a little bit and my dad turns to me saying “You're in the smart kid classes right?”
Once a quarter I get together with my Dad for an awkward lunch where we discuss the weather, books, and depression, usually in that order. This quarter we were celebrating both our birthdays, so neither could pull a last minute cancelation.
If pressed, neither party would be able to accurately guess the others age. Although to his credit, he knows the day of my birth. Not so for my only brother and his first born son.
Dad showed up with flowers and a card. As I didn’t even trouble myself with a gas station effort, I bought the meal.
He said earlier in the week that he wanted Sushi, which is unusual. My dads a creature of habit—we get pizza, steak or Detroit Greek food—so I expected some bad news. Turns out he’s not dying, he just got sushi confused with Hibachi.
My dad is the most unintentionally funny person I’ve ever met. He makes things weird in surprising ways.
Last summer we went to see John Wick 2. During the previews there was a trailer for a new Alien movie with a scene where two people were taking a sexy shower together. An alien tentical phallically went up the women’s legs. This scene is uncomfortable enough to view with ones father, but no, Dad makes it even worse by leaning over and whispering, “I have a welding job for you.”
Wtf, Dad.
1.) during a movie is not the time to discuss business opportunities.
2.) As he only has 10% hearing in one ear, he doesn’t have the ability to whisper. It’s like, an uncontrolled whisper-yell.
3.) Again, a sex scene is not the time to whisper-yell things to me. Nothing was learned from The Thomas Crown Affair.
4.) He never told me about the welding job anyway.
Back at the birthday lunch Dad cuts me off and suddenly says, “Oh! I have a question for you.” I reply, “Sure,” bracing myself for the weirdness to come.
Dad asks, “Can I borrow your cat?”
My dad has a cat.
“No, I don’t think she’d like that.” I’m not going to deny that my curiosity was piqued. “What do you need a second cat for?”
“I want to see how Max gets along with other cats.”
Surprised by the normality of the situation I still say no because Mikey would not like that.
“Its okay,” my dad concedes “I could probably just rent one.”
Annnnnnd, there it is. That’s the weirdness.
Totally normally cat rentals.
My dad sent this to me with no explanation. Are you expressing your acceptance of me or are you trying to tell me I need an oil cooler for my car?
The betrayal! #pitbullsofinstagram #WTFdad (at Central Park)
Now to wake up the spawns !!!! Lol #wtfdad #sonsofzon #letsplay #bcfu
The Ultimate Dad Joke
Oh my god I just stubbed my toe on the coffee table and instinctively I yelled, “MotherFucker!” and my dad calls from the other room, “What do you need?”
