Hiiii I'm bored. Also that kidfic idea sounds INSANELY ADORABLE do it.
it's set in wtfjh 'verse, so derek has offspring with Stiles and Stiles's boyfriend Drew--Drew is also Derek's boyfriend but Derek perpetually thinks of himself as the outsider to the relationship. like, i mean, fuck knows he practically lives with them by this point and by practically we mean he let Stiles punch a hole in spacetime between his and Drew's place in LA and the restored Hale house in Beacon Hills so Derek doesn't have to spend so much time driving considering he comes out like three days out of every week anyway. but Derek, yes, Derek is still in his own head you know, just tolerated. Like there was this one time Drew and Stiles came out to Beacon Hills and stayed with Stiles's dad on winter break and the Sheriff snagged Derek to have a word with him and Derek totally expected that word to be along the lines of "if you break my son's heart you will have parking tickets from here to eternity" and it turned out to be more along the lines of "welcome to the family" and "would you like a hug" when he started freaking out.
but so Derek, when they were discussing the getting of offspring--they asked him what he thought about kids and he said he liked them and sort of expected to be peripheral to the whole process like, uncle derek or something, and then when it came time for genetic donations Drew donated his sister's ovaries and Stiles looked at Derek and said "I'll flip you for it" and Derek said, "you... can have it?" and Stiles said, "I don't want it, I mean, I want the kid, I don't wanna do the deed though"
so in fact the parentage of Sprog 1 (we'll name her eventually) was determined by who LOST a round of rochambeau.
(sprog 1 does not process this fact for years. well, sprog 1 doesn't figure out that actual sex was involved in her conception until about age 12, when it horrifies her utterly; she thought she was done in vitro/surrogate like her younger siblings, sprog 2 and 3, the twins, whose creation she got to hear a lot about when she was like, 5.)
The Disney trip is actually directly related to sprog 2 & 3--by the way we'll name them eventually too, but right now all we know for sure is they are NOT named Flora and Fauna (in the tradition of Cora, Laura, et al), as Drew suggested, because Derek put his foot down about cutesy names for twins. Stiles was more philosophical about it, since kids will choose their own names anyway, but Derek, Derek who had been the most laidback parent and totally willing to let Stiles and Drew do all the heavy lifting with sprog 1, suddenly had OPINIONS
as it turned out, because he and Laura had been twins. they had consecutive birthdays--before and after midnight--he was the baby--and as a kid it always annoyed the shit out of him to have a) a joint birthday party on b) HER birthday. So Derek has all the opinions about twins
and Sprog 1 is super confused because the twins aren't even biologically his, they were cooked up from again Drew's sister's ovaries, and this time Stiles's contribution (and the reason they were doing in vitro/surrogacy this time is because Drew's sister said I REFUSE TO BE PREGNANT EVER AGAIN). Like why does her daddy care so much more about THEM, also they're not even BORN YET and they're RUINING EVERYTHING oh my god, 5 yo sibling drama
I mean, how the fuck could she know about Derek being a twin, like, he never really talks about his family and how they're all dead, so
anyway they promised Sprog 1 the Disneyland trip as a "look! we still love you honey!" thing. except they made her wait until she was tall enough to ride most of the rides, so there was a long summer of measure me! am I tall enough now! how about now!
I suspect both Stiles and Derek were sneakily doing sneaky magic things to make her grow faster. Drew figured it out and was like so we'll introduce her to caffeine as a teenager and stunt her growth, it'll be fine. you dorks. I mean, I think Derek was operating out of a real sense of guilt, like, he really wanted to make Sprog 1 happy sooner to make up for it seeming like he didn't care. I think Stiles just wanted to go to Disneyland sooner.
but so Sprog 1 makes Derek wear the pinkest sparkliest mouse ears in the ear shop. Derek nixes the bridal veil on principle but has no objection to the sequined frou. Drew makes grabby hands at a pair of purple cat print ears with a FEATHER, and Stiles gets an R2-D2 ear hat. She makes Derek ride all the scary rides with her and wants to do the coasters with Stiles and then like halfway through the afternoon gets tired in that way kids do where she doesn't want to leave but she's too tired to walk and she makes Derek carry her and Derek, you know, werewolf strength, it's not actually a big deal, so he's just got her snugged up on his hip, arm around her, walking around half the park, and occasionally being like wake up honey do you wanna ride the ride we got to the front of the line, and Stiles is like, I thought we agreed she had to STAND in line if she wanted to ride the rides, and Derek says that's a dumb rule and does Stiles plan to stand in line with her again because Derek is not going to and refuses on principle to enforce rules that only punish him
(random things about Sprog 1: when she was very young she wanted to know why she couldn't be a werewolf like her daddy and Derek told her she could if she still wanted to when she was older, so she's happily announced to her preschool teacher that her daddy is a werewolf and she will be too when she grows up. when her teenage years are actually looming and they can tell how much like Derek she is in personality--and i mean, some of the way Derek is, is trauma, and some is just innate pessimism, and Drew pointed out that even if they protected her from all trauma, she'd have ennui, so Derek decided to hand her a focus for her angst by offering her the werewolf choice again, with all the problems that went with it laid out in detail. so she could spend a while angsting about if she actually wanted to do it and if she did she could spend a while trying really hard to werewolf good. also she grows up to be freaking gorgeous because, genes, and Derek is kind of terrified of that upcoming period of her life; he remembers--he tends to block of some of his own issues, but he remembers what it was like for Laura.)
