I'm starting to doubt my ability to follow t'an sahat. My emotions are strong. May I please get some second opinions before I make life altering decisions?
Do I subdue the emotions which cause me to desperately chase after love which I will never have in the pursuit of pure logic or do I continue my emotional path of destruction because it makes me human?
I can't be constantly rejected if I don't try, but I'm already a suppressed pervert and if I go through with t'an sahat, I'll be denying that side of myself. But what's the point if my emotions only hurt me, and I can never even explore that side of myself.
I still want calm love, I still want passionate lust, but where is the logic in yearning if I'm never perceived that way? If I'm always alone. Kolinhar, if achieved on a journey of t'an sahat, could purge these pointless wants from my life bringing me peace... Finally accepting the fate I hate.
But why do I even ask? This is the only logical path and I see no alternatives. No hope. I have no control whether I am loved or not, so I must accept that if I'm not loved or flirted with or seen or heard, that it's pointless to want those things and to pursue a path of logic.