A little piece of Seb in love. Somewhere near the beginnings of their adventures.
Master List
Night slowly fell around us. Seb sat at the fire beside Wyst and Gabe as the two of them continued their extensive debate. The two remained friendly, of course, but the topic was heated. Whatever it was. It was wizard stuff. I didn’t care.
I crept up behind Seb and pet down the hair over their back to gain their attention. Seb turned their chin to find me, and then returned their eyes to Gabe.
“Aren’t you bored?” I asked in a roundabout way for attention.
Seb hummed softly before shushing me even more gently. Gabe entranced them without paying them any notice. A content smile hovered at the corners of Seb’s lips. “I’m listening.”
“What are they talking about?” It wasn’t that I suddenly cared because Seb did. I wanted to prove that Seb didn’t need to be there. Or, at least, could talk to me instead.
“No idea,” Seb admitted. “Something magic.”
“Then why are you listening?” I asked flatly. Better to do something that interested them.
“Because look at him,” Seb said, that smile growing to something with real substance. “This is what he lives for.”
To me, Gabe looked concentrated, bordering on irate. It was clear him and Wyst didn’t see eye to eye in their discussion, only just on the side of civility.
“Gabe tried to teach me magic,” Seb explained, voice far away but black eyes present and swimming in the reflective firelight. “I lack the subtlety for the kind he knows. I can’t connect to the power or energy without him.”
“Don’t you use magic?” I crawled over the tree Seb sat upon to sidle up beside them. If they weren’t moving, I’d join them. It was better than staring into the woods on my own.
“Yeah, just a little blood magic.” Their arm settled over my shoulders, pulling me into their side by sheer weight. “Like your green fire, but different. That’s our connection to our devil heritage. To the hells. It’s not the same as the magic Gabe and Wyst learned.”
“How are you not bored when you don’t understand and can’t understand what they’re talking about?” I grumbled.
Seb hummed again, though I felt it more than heard it, pressed against their chest. “Before we ran into you three, it had only been me, Gabe, and Skrit for a while. Skrit’s smart, but her interests don’t really overlap with Gabe’s. The two of us get along better than she does with him. And before it was us three, we’ve never grouped up with another wizard like him. Other magic users, sure: Warlocks, clerics, rangers.”
“How long have you been traveling around?” Seb made it sound like years.
“Doing merc work like this? Since around the time I met Gabe, before we started fucking. Gabe was, uh, an idiot outside of academia, but he got better.” Seb chuckled softly, pure contentment on their face. Their attention lapsed, defaulting back to Gabe as he executed a long winded explanation.
“Anyway, Wyst is his first intellectual match in his area of expertise. I love what it’s doing to him.” I believed them, their bottom eyelids drawn up, the weight of their cheeks lifted.
“I don’t get it,” I mumbled.
Seb sniffed a small laugh, hugging me in tighter with a rub over my chest. “I can’t be his everything, little one,” they snickered. “But I want to be around for it.”
I felt a little pang at that. There was a depth to their relationship I had never before seen. The likes of which I’d never have, even if Seb didn’t let me go anymore, either. It was silly to feel like I was missing anything, considering Seb had done more than stay like they’d promised. I had their attention whenever I wanted it. But beside Gabe, I stood in his shadow.
I was lucky, anyway, to have these three at my side. Skrit and Alice had my back when it mattered, too. The group was sometimes more than I knew what to do with. It was good.
Dusks like this really highlighted how far I’d come.
Feeling some sort of bad way and taking it out on Seb again. Post-Mal's death. Mostly angst.
Master List
“Sebazin!” A familiar voice called down the road. Seb stopped mid-sentence in confusion, trying to glean why they were called to before turning to the source of the call. An elf and a human Seb once knew approached.
“Just Seb, huh?” Michael snickered.
“It wasn’t always just Seb,” Seb said offhand to him. Their eyes remained glued to the elf, watching as she approached.
“Who’s she?” Michael asked.
Seb didn’t hear his question. “Wystralei, Alice,” they greeted when the two made it to Seb’s porch. They startled when Wyst didn’t stop, but pulled Seb into a hug. It took a moment for Seb to return it, wrapping the arm that would respond around her. “What are you doing here?”
Wyst pat them over the back of the shoulders before stepping back and looking them up and down. “We heard you settled down here. It looks like a slow life is treating you well.” Her eyes hovered on Seb’s middle for a second longer, flicking back up to their somber face. “Where’s Mal? You two didn’t break up?”
“No,” Seb said with irritation. “Fuck, thanks for reminding me how much I don’t like you.” Seb turned to scan the small crowd of children, all staring at the newcomers with varying levels of curiosity. Michael looked smug. “Mal’s … I’ll take you to Mal.”
“Skrit told us you two got married,” Wyst said as Seb reached for the door to their home to close it. “Congratulations.” She didn’t sound sincere, but rehearsed, like she had to force sentiments where they didn’t exist.
“Yeah, thanks,” Seb said without looking at her. “Time to go, guys. You can come back tomorrow,” Seb told the kids.
“You were in the middle of a story,” Elias complained softly.
“Yeah? Well, I’ll run out of them eventually,” Seb said emotionlessly. “Sorry, kid. I’ll finish it tomorrow.”
“Aren’t you going to get dressed?” Wyst asked at Seb’s state of undress. They wore their underwear, nothing more.
“Wearing more than I usually did, aren’t I?” Seb asked back. They tugged on a sleeve to pull it better in place.
“When did you start wearing a shirt?” Alice asked.
Seb jerked their attention to her, surprised to hear her voice. “When Mal and I decided to live here. I didn’t need people talking about me.”
“Is it because of your scars?” Michael asked.
Seb scowled, turning on the kids with a sharp wave of their hand. “Go on. Get. I told you to leave.”
“What scars?” Elias asked.
Seb glared at Michael to receive a shit eating grin in response.
“What’s up with the children?” Wyst asked Seb.
“They just kind of show up,” Seb grumbled. It wasn’t worth mentioning that it started because Seb fed them, encouraging them subtly to come back. They were like stray dogs in that way. Seb turned, stepping off the porch with bare feet to lead Wyst and Alice away. The children didn’t fully disperse, but the two adults followed.
“What have you been up to?” Wyst asked conversationally. She fell in step beside Seb, looking to them even as they avoided her eyes.
“This,” Seb grunted. “I’m retired. Can’t do the job anymore.”
“Lost it, actually. Just carry it in different places.” Seb pat their belly, shoulders pulling out of their typical perfect posture.
“How long have you lived here?” Alice asked, noting their stilted acknowledgments to others as they walked through the streets.
“I don’t know. A few years.” Seb paused at a silver-scaled dragonborn woman tending a small bed of flowers. “Kenberry,” they greeted.
The woman, Kenberry, looked up and smiled sadly before plucking off a flower head. “Going to see Malxir?” She held up the flower to them in offering.
“Yeah.” Seb took the flower, twirling the stem between their fingers absently.
“Tell Mal Drix and I said hi.”
“Thanks, Kenberry.”
Seb moved to step away, but Kenberry brushed her fingers over theirs in a tentative gesture to get them to pause. “Seb? Don’t be a stranger. Come by for supper.”
“I’m busy tonight,” Seb excused without looking at her.
“Oh!” Wyst exclaimed. “We don’t plan on staying that long. We’re only passing through and Skrit said we could find you here.”
Seb didn’t amend or elaborate, but continued through the city. Startled at the blatant avoidance, Wyst hurried to catch back up. “Who was that?”
“Kenberry?” Seb asked. “She’s Mal’s friend. Her and Drixamus are married. Mal slept with them sometimes after falling for Drix. I helped with the kids sometimes, but they all stopped coming by.”
“Aren’t you two married?” Wyst asked in stark confusion.
“Yeah.”
“Mal slept with another couple?”
“Look – we talked about it. I’ve always been poly. It made sense to us.”
Wyst pursed her lips, aborting before they fell back into their familiar banter. “I didn’t know you liked kids so much,” she commented after a quick exchange of expressions with Alice.
“They’re just people with less experience,” Seb said with a shrug. They brought the flower to their nose. “Tend to judge less.”
Wyst sucked in on her lip, discomfort settling into her posture. “Sebazin, I’m sorry for the way I treated you. I think we misjudged you.”
“You didn’t.”
Wyst’s expression tightened. She waited for a better explanation for them blowing off her apology, but none came. “Where are we going?”
“Mal’s this way,” Seb said.
The city gave way to rural homes and rural hills. Still Seb continued. Wyst gave up trying to engage Seb in conversation, their answers more clipped in every attempt. Eventually Seb detoured from the path to climb a hill through a copse of trees.
Wyst looked uneasily at Alice before following them, staring at their bare feet as they plowed forward. “Sebazin?” she prompted nervously.
Seb didn’t respond, moving like they’d gone off to their own world and only borrowed space in this one. Before long, they came to a stop, staring at an impressive pile of rocks. Alice stamped her feet with a gasp of shock, recognizing it for what it was.
“Hey love,” Seb said, their voice thick and heavy. “I brought old friends to see you.”
“Sebazin …” Tears sprang unbidden to Wyst’s eyes. She tiptoed to Seb’s side as they carefully balanced the flower they’d carried from the city to the cairn.
“I didn’t know what Mal liked,” Seb said, a quality of grief Wyst had never heard before in each word. Even after they’d lost Gabe, they hadn’t sounded like this. “I spent all that time with Mal and I think Mal hardly saw itself as a person.” Seb stared off over the lake, the same one their house perched on. “So I brought Mal to a place I’d like to visit. Where I can come often to see Mal.”
The day was too nice. The sun shone brightly with only a few stray, fluffy clouds in the deep blue sky. The breeze off the lake was uncharacteristically warm for the time of year.
“How …?” Wyst barely managed to choke. She grabbed on to Seb’s back for lack of other things to hold.
“I think Mal’s heart gave out,” Seb explained hollowly. “I got to hold Mal as …” Their hands squeezed into fists over their thighs as they hunched into their pain. “Fuck, I still can’t handle this.”
“Mal always looked haunted by something,” Alice said softly. “Did that ever get any better?”
“No,” Seb sobbed. “No, Mal had it so shitty before us. I did everything I could to – it wasn’t enough. I don’t know why Mal loved me. Me. I couldn’t – I tried, but I’m too fucked up -”
“Shh,” Wyst hushed, petting over Seb’s shoulders. “It’s okay.”
Seb twisted sharply to buck her touch. “No, it’s not. I fucking deserve this, but Mal did not. Mal didn’t even live thirty years and most of that time was shit.”
Wyst took a step back. “Sebazin, was Mal happy before she died?”
“Mal died scared.”
“No, I mean with you in this city.”
Seb chewed on their words, closing their eyes slowly in defeat. “Yeah.”
“Then you did enough. Thank-you for taking care of her.”
The breeze played gently at their clothes, rustling the leaves threatening crispy in the canopy. It licked at the tears on Seb’s cheeks, cooling the salty trails. “Leave us alone. It was nice of you to stop by.”
“You can come with us,” Wyst said.
“And leave Mal behind? No. I left Gabe because that’s who we were. Mal was terrified of being forgotten. I won’t do that.”
Alice bit her finger, leaning into a sapling enough to make it buckle.
Wyst sniffled, staring hard as the petals of the flower shuddered in the air current. “Is it alright if we pay our respects?”
“Of course,” Seb said weakly. Wyst was the one that ultimately saved Mal. At least, got Mal to trust someone outside of itself. It wasn’t true trust, but some sort of clingy devotion that took Seb a couple years to sort out, but it was a great step above where Mal started. There were much worse people than Wyst to cling to anyway. Seb and Wyst fought, but Seb understood it was because they were a bad person. Not Wyst.
In their time, Wyst and Alice said their pieces and hesitantly left Seb and Mal behind. Seb vaguely heard Wyst insist on find them if Seb ever changed their mind, but Seb knew the words were empty. Sebazin would never leave Malxir as long as they lived. They knew it was to be a long time yet as some sort of cruel joke. Death would be too easy of an out for Seb, even with the promise of Loviatar’s arms on the other side to welcome them. Life was suffering and they were too much of a coward to move on.
I wrote fluff. This takes place at the verrrry beginning of the party merge. Less than week after they'd all met. So mere days after Join Us. I really want to make this into a series of novels at this point. I need all the filler events I can get for it. I mean, that's not going to happen, but I can try.
Master List
The time of evening after supper, when everything was clean and ready to go for the next day, was always a peculiar time to me. I never knew what to do with myself. Neither Wyst nor Alice really seemed to have much to say when it was just the three of us. Even doubling the size of our adventuring group, joining up with Gabe and his people, didn’t seem to fix the level of awkward. Skrit left us all alone. Gabe and Seb usually had something to do with each other, disappearing in the cover of the forest. But when the trees we traveled through gave way to meadows? We could see for miles under the sun. A little less with the night.
We set up camp before supper, taking care of our mending and weapons first after settling down. Seb had the added task of tending their armor to maintain its effectiveness. Alice and I wore armor, too, but we applied oil as needed to keep it intact and that was all it really needed. Leather was easier to care for than a leather and steel combination.
With all of the necessary chores finished, Seb still turned to Gabe, even though they couldn’t fuck off. It started with a kiss. A nuzzle. Their usual. Then Gabe tucked Seb between his knees and ran his fingers through Seb’s hair. I watched from my bedroll with fascination. Wyst, Alice, and I took care of our own hair. I didn’t pay too much attention to my own besides periodically chopping it shorter when it tangled too much, generally keeping it about shoulder length. Seb, on the other hand, seemed to care about their hair more so than the attention Wyst put into hers. It was longer, for sure. Seb’s hair reached past the base of their tail when let down. It was entirely impractical.
Gabe had a comb to aid his endeavors with Seb’s hair. He started at the very ends and worked his way slowly up. He was careful. Gentle. Incredibly thorough. Seb’s tail wrapped loosely around Gabe. Their mouth moved, their voice much too low for me to pick up the sound of their voice. The two of them were happy, the connection they shared obviously more than the sexuality they immediately gave off in the first few days with them.
It left a kind of ache in my chest that I couldn’t well explain. I knew I shouldn’t stare, that I should mind my own business like everyone else seemed to do, but I couldn’t stop. I wanted what Seb had and no matter how clearly I could remember them telling me that I only had the one night with them, that want didn’t go away. Gabe was so tender with them as he gradually worked every little knot and kink out of Seb’s hair. Seb was so content with him. Happy. I’d never seen anything like it before.
Seb reached around their body for Gabe, wrapping him up in an impromptu kiss. Gabe had reached Seb’s scalp, digging the comb’s teeth effortlessly through every bit of hair it touched. When Seb withdrew again, their eyes caught on me. Gabe reached for something on the other side of them as Seb paused and then waved for me.
I felt like I’d been caught. The urge to run had me scrambling to the balls of my feet before I realized I’d done it. Tension squeezed at my lungs, at my heart, and seized up my spine to halfway down my tail. And then Seb smiled to beckon again. I swallowed, but no spit was left to swallow.
Gabe returned to his position at Seb’s back, confusion flashing over his face for him to follow Seb’s line of sight. They made it obvious, the way they supported their weight with their hand to lean in my direction. The edges of his lips turned up, his eyes closed, and he jerked his chin for me to join them.
I sought out Wyst before I moved from my flight position. She combed at her own hair, the bulk of it pulled over her shoulder to more easily work at it. She had no reason to pay attention to me or the two lovers we’d decided to follow. More importantly, she wasn’t going to tell me no.
Remaining in a crouch, I crossed the camp to hover at arm’s reach beside Gabe and Seb. From there, I wasn’t sure what to do.
“Hey,” Seb said softly. They straightened out on my way over, their back square to Gabe again. They patted the bedroll in front of their spread legs.
Gabe grabbed at their hair, gathering it into the palms of his hand to run them down its entirety. He reached the end and gathered it all up again to repeat, entwining his fingers in the middle as he brushed down.
“Sit,” Seb prompted when I didn’t move to their silent invitation. It got me to move, tearing my eyes off of Gabe’s administrations. I turned my back to Seb, climbing into the space between their thighs. The air didn’t come easily to my lungs.
Seb’s hands touched to my hair, first running over the surface of it from the top of my head to its end. “Gabe, comb?” they asked. The next time they touched, it was to hold my hair to run the comb through the knots. They worked little bits at a time, ensuring they never tugged. It took them getting through half of my head before I could breathe again.
“I think I can only have long hair because Gabe helps me with it,” Seb explained nearly under their breath as they worked. Their finger pads drew over my scalp. “It feels good, doesn’t it?”
I nodded gently in their hands. It did. There was a relaxing quality to it, with the soft push or pull of their fingers. It didn’t feel at all like my fingers when I fished out tangles. It was better when Seb combed through it.
“Sleep with us tonight,” Seb whispered.
“What?” Gabe asked, surprise sharpening his word.
“You’ve been so lonely. It doesn’t have to be that way.” Seb’s fingers purposefully parted through my hair.
“Sebazin, what are you doing?” Gabe asked.
“Nothing funny, love,” Seb promised. They pulled lightly at certain parts, drawing in a little more hair at a time with each little tug.
Gabe said nothing in response to Seb’s insistence. I heard him shuffle to his feet. When I tried to turn to look, Seb’s hands only tightened on my hair to keep me in place.
They finished what they were doing before long, releasing my hair with a soft “there”. I reached a hand up to pat the back of my head. It wasn’t loose anymore, but twisted up in gentle patterns that hugged my skull. “It’s a braid,” Seb explained when I held my hand over it. “It’ll fall out overnight, but it’ll help keep your hair from knotting up so bad again while you sleep.”
I twisted to look at them. “Why?”
Seb shrugged. “Because I could.” They tapped my arm for me to move as they gathered their legs into their body. We both got off the bedroll for Seb to open it wide. I turned to Gabe to find he’d brought mine over.
“We’ll need cover for when the temperatures drop,” Gabe said to my stuck words. He nodded down at Sebazin as they sprawled out across their bed. “Get comfortable.”
So I was to have another night with Seb. Perhaps it wouldn’t be sex, but I could work with this. It was their attention. It was still closeness. My movements were hesitant, especially under Gabe’s watchful eye, but I curled into Seb’s side, immediately feeling their arm wrap around me. Their bicep became my pillow. They told me this would never happen again. Gabe draped my bedroll over us and fell into place at Seb’s other side. His arm gripped over Seb’s middle, his hand lightly touching me on the ribs.
I didn’t understand what this was, but Gabe allowed it, so it must have been okay.
A quick little idea I wanted to put some words to. Takes place vaguely after a piece I haven't fully written yet, but really later in the full group's travels.
Master List
“Okay.” Wyst scoured over a map with a finger held over her lips and her eyebrows pulled together in intense concentration. Gabe stood opposite her, watching her as she worked through a solution to the problem only the two of them understood. A wizards’ problem was best left to the wizards, even if Alice remained by Wyst’s side like a permanent shadow. “Our best bet is to head west.” She removed her hand from her face and gestured vaguely at a point on the map. “We shouldn’t have a problem at all over here.”
“That’s not going to work,” Gabe mumbled slowly.
“No.” Seb stood stooped across camp bullshitting with Skrit, but stopped what they were doing to butt in. Gabe winced, immediately tensing.
Wyst’s attention immediately snapped across to them. “‘No’?” Wyst repeated. “What do you mean no?”
Seb straightened up. “I mean no,” they replied tersely. Skrit crossed her arms and rolled her eyes, scooting away from Seb when they completely disengaged from their shenanigans and got serious.
“What do you think gives you the – you can’t just say no, Sebazin,” Wyst snapped. “What’s your problem?”
“Wystralei,” Gabe said gently in an attempt to gain her attention back.
“No, this is ridiculous,” Wyst said to Gabe. She stalked across camp to confront Seb in their space. Seb watched her approach with harsh eyes. “I’m tired of catering to your stupid whims. What’s the reason this time?”
“Wystralei,” Gabe repeated a little more insistently. He went ignored.
“Fuck off,” Seb spat down at Wyst.
Wyst poked a finger into their chest. “You volatile, selfish piece of work. Do you realize how often you inconvenience us? What is the point of bending to you?”
“I won’t go west,” Seb said with narrowed eyes. “Go if you wish, but I’m not coming. Who’s going to be your hit sink without me?”
“Wystralei. Sebazin,” Gabe tried again, his voice approaching exasperated.
“You think these three will go with you if I stay behind?” Seb asked a little more cruelly, gesturing at me and Skrit. Gabe’s inclusion was inherent. “Is that worth going west, Wystralei?”
“I’m sticking with the big guy,” Skrit supplied casually with a shrug.
“Skrit,” Gabe begged. “We’re not splitting up. We’re not going west. There are other ways.”
“Less convenient ways,” Wyst added.
“It’s okay,” Gabe insisted. “I don’t want to go that way, either, okay?”
Wyst turned her back on Seb, trusting them to hold back. They always did. They never touched her, no matter how angry they got. “Coming to Sebazin’s defense, Gabe?”
“Look, we have the rest of the continent at our disposal. We’ll find a way. There isn’t enough to the west to justify -”
“Isn’t enough, Gabe?” Wyst asked incredulously. “Over half the population is to the west. The biggest cities are on the west coast.”
“Kind of the problem, don’t you think?” Seb scoffed.
Wyst cast them one more disgusted look before returning to Gabe and the map. “Fine. What else do you suggest?”
Gabe’s shoulders relaxed. He ran a hand over his forehead and then gestured at a new point on the map. “Here.” He launched into a full explanation, relevant only to him and Wyst.
Seb watched the two of them with residual frustration, shaking the head to rid themselves of it when Wyst didn’t turn back around to berate them. “Going to go for a walk,” they mumbled to Skrit, and then stalked off into the woods.
“Have fun freezing your tits off!” she called after them. It wasn’t that cold, Seb just failed to dress warmly. They didn’t care.
One would think after all this time, I'd have made up complete character sheets for this entire party. But no, one would be wrong. Plus, everyone leveled up one since the last battle I wrote, so I'm pretty sure I'm missing fourth level spells for Gabe and maybe third level spells for Alice. But I lent out my book, so it's too much effort to look up.
This takes place directly after Infidelity. I was going to write the continuation of Gabe and Seb's fight, but spent hours trying to make it work to no avail. So we're not getting into it.
Master List
“Just up the hill in the treeline there,” the man from the night before said with a point. “He’s not there now, but you don’t have to wait long. He always shows up. We all try not to go near there. Who knows how much rot or weeds is going on without us tending to it.”
“Thanks,” Seb grunted. “We’ll take care of it.”
“Oh, thank-you so much, sir!”
“Not a sir,” Seb grumbled, stalking off in the direction we’d been pointed to. Skrit followed without a second glance. I chased after Seb almost like I thought they’d leave me behind if I didn’t. Gabe, Wyst, and Alice took a moment longer, but eventually fell in behind us.
A lone bullywug jumped out of the brush at the treeline as Seb approached. Seb took their sword from off their back, tucking the strap out of the way.
“Leave, mercenaries,” the bullywug demanded.
Seb snorted. “Cute,” they muttered. “This isn’t a negotiation.”
Seb powered ahead while the rest of us slowed, dispersing ourselves enough to give each other enough room. None of us believed the bullywug to be acting alone. We expected some sort of ambush. Giving them an easy, solid target was counterproductive. Gabe branched off far to the left. I stalked forward in an effort to take my place at Seb’s side. Skrit drew closer to the trees on our right, yet remained mostly center. Wyst and Alice stayed back, Alice holding her staff in her hands at the ready.
The bullywug shouted. More croaked, really. It was obviously a word, but none like I had ever heard before. It launched itself at Seb, stabbing at them with a flimsy sword. Seb sidestepped easily and retaliated with a backhanded swing, decapitating the fey with a single stroke. They turned around with a bored expression.
It didn’t take long for the expected ambush to arrive. Nearly a dozen bullywug and their giant trained frogs leaped out of the brush, surrounding us all. I had four bullywug and a frog approach me alone. I was still far from Seb. I was cut off from nearly everyone but amphibious creatures. Each bullywug held a rapier. From my closer standpoint, I could see different bugs fashioned into their grips and their blades. They looked so real, I could have mistaken them for real insects. I dodged all of their pokes, but the frog grabbed me in its mouth and crushed my shoulder. I batted it off, lunging for the nearest bullywug and missed for my lack of balance.
My teammates shouted around me. I heard Skrit spitting curses behind me. Gabe shouted his spells more often than not, and hot flashes of fire soon followed. Seb gasped an exclamation and I saw them tangled with a large creature unlike anything I’d ever seen. It had a faintly bovine structure, but long neck and tail. Its head almost perfectly resembled an ugly hog, long tusks poking out from its mouth.
A blade pierced through me, stabbing through my armor like it didn’t exist. I spun to strike back, but misjudged where the frog creature had been, missing with both blades in each hand. It invited another stab through, puncturing straight through my middle. Heat flared after the sharp pain, topped off with the intense need to vomit. Poison coursed through my body, numbing me until I fell. I didn’t register my body dropping to the ground.
A blinked my eyes in what felt like a moment later, still hearing the sounds of battle. I reached up gingerly to the perforation through my stomach, pressing against the freely bleeding wound. I could barely see past the pain. I couldn’t move to get up and help. Seb’s armor moved. One of the fey creatures croaked. And a noise that couldn’t have belonged to anything but that terrible monstrosity bounced off of the trees.
I rolled gently to watch, bending against the pain in my gut. I didn’t feel like I could breathe. Seb dodged the tail of the quadrupedal creature over and over, swinging their sword between each dodge. Nearly every one of Seb’s attacks hit until the creature’s tail finally landed. Seb stumbled, eyes emptying for a moment.
Skrit’s body lay on the ground beside them, barely visible above the tall plants of the townsfolk’s crops. I couldn’t find anyone else from where I lay. Only Seb. They were the last one of us standing.
Their eyes focused again to slam their sword down on the monster. They heaved, lurching with distinct lack of balance. “Fucking coward,” they barked at the remaining bullywug. The fey balked and jumped into the woods.
Seb left their sword, falling forward and crawling to Skrit. “Skrit,” they worried, flustered and panicked with the lack of enemies to fell. “Please, please wake up.” They shook her lightly, nearly falling over top of her.
I stirred with a groan. I had a sense of direction again, but the pain radiating from my middle was terribly hard to ignore. Everything hurt into my lungs. My limbs shook.
Seb’s attention shot up to me. “Mal. Alice. We need Alice.” A shiver racked their body, a woeful moan following. “Gabe … she needs to help Gabe. Please.” They sounded on the verge of panic, their words barely coherent.
It took everything I had, but I managed to get up. I was bent over more than I thought possible to keep moving, but I made it over to where she had fallen. Her skin was pale, almost a sickly shade of green. I didn’t notice her bleeding, so she should have been better off than me. How was I supposed to wake her up when I didn’t know what her problem was? I shook her, my vision dark except for a narrow pinprick. “Alice,” I mumbled, my voice far away. “Alice, wake up.”
Alice hovering above me suggested I’d lost some more time to unconsciousness. She still looked terrible and pale, but she was awake and alert enough to use magic. “You were really lucky where the bullywug stabbed you,” she said. “My magic stopped the bleeding. Anything damaged inside should be put back together.”
“Gabe?” I asked faintly. Gabe was the last person I remembered thinking about. I didn’t know why.
“He’s … okay.” I didn’t like the way she said that.
Alice helped me up into a sitting position, allowing me to reassess my team about me. Wyst weakly used Alice’s staff to hold herself upright. Seb had completely lost their composure in Gabe’s arms while Gabe stared off into middle space over their back. Alice walked jerkily over to Skrit doubled over on the ground to kneel down and pat her back. The easy battle Seb had anticipated nearly killed us all.
The townsfolk slowly encroached on us, excitement building as they got closer. Cheers broke out in time for them to swarm around us. Hands steadied us, helped us to our feet whether we were ready or not. Alice protested momentarily, but only to wrench a staff from the hands of a dead bullywug. After that, she followed the people readily.
Seb growled at anyone that neared them and Gabe, but followed the general crowd. They pushed a farmer off of me after he’d gotten me to stand, adding me to their other side opposite Gabe. It was a rough trek back to the town, and I didn’t remember most of it, but soon enough that was where we were.
“To John’s!” the nearest farmer crowed.
“You’re joking?” Seb sneered. “I’m taking these two to bed. We’ll square up tomorrow.”
I rolled my head to the sky, but the day was too overcast to judge the time. We’d set out in late morning. Surely it couldn’t have yet been late. Much too early to retire, despite the fact that I still felt like my lumbar region was on fire even with Alice’s healing. Gabe had been uncharacteristically quiet the entire way back and I had a suspicion that Seb was the only reason he could move along with us at all.
No one argued with Seb. No one would, in their right mind. Alice and Wyst followed the townspeople, but Skrit grabbed on to the belt that held on my sword. Her step was unsteady, her eyes cast down. “I’m not in the mood to deal with people.” Seb led us all back to the building loaned to us.
Skirt stalked off to her own bed roll, where she laid down and didn’t move again. Seb let go of me to guide Gabe to the ground, kneeling before him when they coaxed Gabe to sit. Their hands held his, worry clear across their face. “I really fucking hate magic,” Seb grumbled, their voice low. “You’re the sole reason we won that fight, love, but that thing had a – had a death ray. That’s what it felt like. Alice’s healing should have brought you back. Where are you, love?”
“What was that?” I asked. I curled up on Gabe’s bed roll with him, too nervous to actually touch him. Not after the night before and the furious whispered conversation he had had with Seb in the morning.
“The monster?” Seb asked distractedly.
“Yeah.”
“It’s a – they’re called catoblepas. They’re a natural creature of this dimension. Fairly territorial. I-I think the bullywugs were worshiping it?” They sniffed. “It’s a weird combination, but it should mean that this town’s worries are behind them.” Seb lifted Gabe’s hands up to kiss his knuckles. Their eyes never left his, faraway as they were. “They, uh, apparently have some magic. Necrotic magic. Gabe and I both got hit with it, separately, but it took Gabe completely out. I thought with Alice … I thought he’d be back.”
“We just need some rest, Seb,” I said.
Their eyes flashed down to me. “How are you holding up? You came back to on your own.”
“My stomach hurts so much breathing hurts,” I said. “But I guess that’s what happens when a sword pokes through all your guts.”
“Seb?” Skrit said, her voice fairly even given her behavior.
“Yeah?”
“I’m sorry I couldn’t take down that fucking mage,” she said. “I hit that fucker so many times and it wouldn’t go down.”
Seb snorted softly. They guided Gabe down to his back, their fingers tender as they pet over Gabe’s skin. “It’s okay. That shit had terrible aim. Didn’t hit me once no matter how much it tried. I don’t think. I already felt sick just being around that catoblepas. The bullywug ran away, though. Think it’ll cause issues for these people?”
“Only if it’s not the last one,” Skrit said.
“Pretty sure that was their best attempt at driving us off.” They glanced up at Skrit, though Skrit hadn’t budged. “And I guess if it does come back, we’ll already be long gone. We were only hired to take care of one bullywug, after all,” they added with faint amusement. They shuffled noisily and reached over to me. “Your armor, Mal,” they said gently.
I whined at them without moving to take their offered hand. I’d almost found a position that didn’t radiate pain across my entire torso. Moving would put me back to square one.
“If you sit up, I’ll do it for you,” Seb offered quietly. “I can’t do it with you curled up like that.”
“This is almost comfortable,” I mumbled.
“Put up with the pain for a little bit and I’ll make sure you’re more comfortable when I’m done, okay?” Seb grabbed at my arm, tugging me upright and into them, almost hugging me in place. “Shh, you’ll be okay.” They worked dexterously, guiding the leather off of me without wasting any time. They tossed it aside to remove my gambeson underneath. I cried softly at each movement, but didn’t pull away. I felt any sharp movement would break whatever healing Alice’s magic had accomplished. My insides pulled and clenched at any adjustment. Seb was doing their best to be gentle and succeeding fairly well.
Seb pulled up my shirt, and I pushed away with a small protest. “Shh,” they hushed again. “You can keep it. I want to see.” Reluctantly, I let Seb do as they pleased. As promised, they lifted my shirt enough to see the exiting side of the puncture, and then they tipped back to assess the front. “She healed you a fair amount,” they commented. Their fingers brushed lightly around the stab wound right before flitting to the ties of my chausses. “This okay?” I nodded, letting them undress me further.
Seb left me beside Gabe, helping me settle down horizontally, and then pushed up to their feet to doff their armor. It took them forever. They finished in their braies, hair tumbling down their back as they released it from its tie.
Without another word, Seb settled on Gabe’s other side, reaching over him to settle a hand on my arm. Their fingers held me in a tiny display of possession. I wasn’t tired, the pain was almost overbearing, yet I didn’t have a problem falling asleep to Gabe’s deep and even breaths.
I've been sitting on half of this one for a while. I wanted a piece without Seb. They're still central to it, of course, but there's really no getting around that.
This is the turning point after Gabe's death.
Master List
“Malxir, we need to talk.” Wyst stood with her hand on her hip and her back clearly to Seb as they ran through their morning stretches. Alice waited at the edge of camp, fidgeting with nervous energy. She was involved in the “we”, too.
“Talk,” I said without bothering to get up. I was upright, but only sitting. The air was too chilly and the morning too young to justify climbing out of the warm bed roll yet.
“In private,” Wyst amended.” She pursed her lips.
“Why don’t you send Seb away?” Skrit suggested. “Like we don’t know what this is about anyway. ‘Oh no – Sebazin is acting like Sebazin and Mal isn’t a strong enough buffer for scared little Alice. If we bring this up in front of them, they’ll snap or hold a grudge for sure.’” She scoffed. “We all know you’re looking for a clean exit.”
Seb growled low in their throat, but didn’t have anything to contribute. They straightened up and left wordlessly, slinking off in the direction opposite of Alice. I heard their passing through the dry underbrush faintly, until the dormant forest swallowed them whole.
“There. Problem solved,” Skrit announced.
Wyst threw Skrit an unamused glance. “A little more tact would have been appreciated.”
“Why?” Skrit asked. She picked casually between her sharp teeth. “What is the point? It’s too much effort to save face when you’re leaving as soon as we reach the next town anyway. You were here for Gabe. Gabe’s dead. There isn’t a reason for you to stay.” Skrit looked to me. I knew what it meant. But I stayed for Seb. I’d promised Seb I wouldn’t leave them. I thought we could all stay together, but Seb had been so mean to them. Wyst was barely holding back from retaliation and head-on physical confrontation.
Wyst turned from Skrit, staring down at me. “Mal.”
“Seb knew you’d leave,” I muttered. Of course they did, if they actively orchestrated it. And I’d done nothing to stop their cruelty. I let them push Wyst and Alice away for me.
“They’re burning and taking everyone down with them. We need to save ourselves.” Wyst wasn’t into the battles like Seb. Their goals had always been just short of incompatible.
“I’m not leaving them,” I said firmly. I held Wyst’s eyes. I followed her for so long because I needed to, but I loved Seb. The obligation I’d once had to Wyst paled to that.
“You’re sleeping with them again,” Wyst accused with no little hurt.
It gave me a second of pause. “So?”
“Do you think that’s smart?” Wyst demanded. “Do you think they really care about you? That they can care about you?”
“You’re sleeping with Seb?” Alice asked softly. She’d drifted closer until she almost stood beside Wyst. A mote of disgust plagued her face. I ignored her. I had to.
“You’re rebound, Mal,” Wyst continued. “Eventually, they’re going to treat you like they’re treating us.”
“You treat them like a monster,” I said. “Not a person.” I looked to Alice. “You ignore them and run away from them.” I turned back to Wyst. “You only treat them like an equal when it benefits you. Skrit’s always fighting with them and still has more respect for them that you do. So maybe we’re fucking, but that’s not why they’re being nice to me while they’re lashing out at you.”
“Have you ever been on this end of their temper?”
“Yes!” I nearly shouted. “Multiple times.”
“Seb hit her, Wyst,” Alice remembered. No matter how vitriolic their words, no matter how threatening Seb made themselves, they’d never touched Wyst, Alice, or Skrit in their rage. The beating they’d given me, blacked out beyond recognition, had been a special occasion.
“And you still defend them?” Wyst asked me.
“They loved Gabe,” I said. “They’d been together for fifteen years. They’re hurting, Wyst. They’re not handling it well. Why are you making it worse?”
“Is that what you think I’m doing? Mal, I’ve tried to offer them comfort. Do you know they wake up with nightmares? Sometimes they wake up crying now, without Gabe. They’re quiet enough about it they don’t wake you, but I don’t sleep like you do. Seb’s pushed me away every time I’ve tried to help, so now I get to hear them most nights while I keep the fire warm for you all to sleep. And when we’re all awake, they’re worse. I don’t care if they’re hurting anymore. I’m not putting up with it.”
“It’s dangerous of them,” Alice added. “More than they already are.”
I’d wanted so badly for it all to work out. For Seb and Wyst to figure out how to get along without Gabe to play intermediary. I could fulfill my obligation to Wyst. Get to keep Seb to myself. But Seb had manifested this outcome regardless. I’d ultimately let them. I told them how I felt. That I would give up my responsibility to Wyst to stay at their side. I really was going to give up Wyst to keep Seb.
I didn’t understand why they couldn’t get over their differences. They’d each come to each others’ aid enough over the couple of years we’d traveled together. Wyst wasn’t all that different from Gabe. She was physically affectionate where Gabe had been touch averse. She tended to insert into the middle of things where Gabe would correct after the consequences had been rendered. But they had been morally aligned. Their life goals had been nearly identical. Except Gabe had actively included Seb and their life into his, while Wyst fought Seb nearly every step. Seb’s existence had been their defining difference.
“You realize Seb’s not doing this by accident, right?” Skrit asked in the moment of silence. “You’re not what they need anymore. Just fucking leave. It’s what you all want.”
“What have they told you?” Wyst asked.
“Nothing. They’re pretty fucking transparent,” Skrit snickered. “They’re chasing you off. You’ve seen them do it to strangers before.”
“Are you going down with them?” Wyst asked Skrit.
Skrit shrugged. “I definitely don’t want to third wheel with them again. They’re not as bad with Mal, but they’re still fucking and I don’t like how comfortable Seb gets about it around others. But what else am I going to do? Go back to my temple and study books? That’s not how I serve my god.”
“Come with us?” Alice suggested. Wyst nodded her approval.
Skrit chuckled. “And leave Seb high and dry here?”
“If you wanted,” Wyst said. “I was going to wait until we made it out of the forest.”
“What are your plans?”
Wyst’s hand fell from her hip. “I might continue Gabe’s pursuits.” She looked to Alice. “Maybe we can find other druids for Alice to train with. I don’t know. Whatever we want, for a change.” Wyst had been fairly directionless before Gabe. Alice and I were worse.
“I-I’m okay,” Alice squeaked. “I’ve come this far without them.”
“We’ll see,” Skrit said.
“Mal, you’re coming with us,” Wyst said.
“No.”
“I can’t leave you behind with them.”
“You won’t be leaving me behind. I’m not going anywhere without Seb.”
“What do you see in them?” Seb asked sadly. “I’d have given you everything they’ve promised you, if you’d have let me.”
Alice crossed her arms.
I took a moment to process Wyst’s words. Did she mean -? “It’s not about what Seb’s promised. It’s about what they’ve done for me.”
“What?” Wyst barked. “Punched you? Strung you along for over two years? Used you over and over again? Gabe kept them in line, Mal. Even he feared Seb sometimes. You can’t do what Gabe did and you shouldn’t have to. You deserve someone that can care for you.”
Alice glanced sidelong at Skrit before pursing her lips at Wyst.
After three years, it finally made sense. “Like you?” I spat, staring petulantly up at Wyst.
Wyst grabbed for Alice’s hand. Missed, on account of them being tucked away in her arms. Alice’s perturbed expression didn’t drop, but she offered Wyst her hand with reluctance. “It’s a little late for that,” Wyst said.
“Wow. And they say lesbians are clueless,” Skrit snickered.
“They can’t love you, Mal,” Alice said softly. She relaxed into Wyst’s hand. “There’s something wrong with them.”
“Why do you think I’m stupid?” I glared between Wyst and Alice. “I don’t need them to love me. Why do you think so lowly of me that you think I haven’t figured out what Seb’s like after nearly three years?” I concentrated on Wyst. “Why do you think so poorly of Gabe’s choice in lover and partner of fifteen years? Skrit doesn’t have a problem with me and Seb together.”
“That’s not my problem to have,” Skrit said casually. “If you want to deal with their idiocy and temper, that’s all on you.” She scratched at her nose. “You know, I think I will join you two,” she said to Wyst. “I don’t think I want to be responsible for Seb anymore.”
“That’s what Seb wanted anyway,” I muttered.
“Oh, well, so long as Seb gets their way,” Skrit mocked. “They’re a fucking asshole.”
Wyst’s face contorted against tears. “I know Seb’s only half devil, but they still have your soul.” So that was how Wyst could tolerate the thought of Gabe with Seb? Seb controlled him until his dying day?
“You know I’m part devil, too,” I said defensively. It wasn’t fair to bring up blood when we didn’t have any options in the matter. The hells in my lineage only made my life more difficult. I didn’t get a choice in how I was born.
“Not nearly as much as Seb,” Skrit said. “You might look a little like a devil, but Seb -”
“The hells compel them,” Wyst murmured.
“Their eyes burn with fire,” Alice added.
I glared at Skrit. “You’re going to discriminate them for how they were born?” I demanded. “You?” She experienced enough malice for the way she looked. She should have been above it.
Skrit held up her hand. “I was just pointing out -” She sighed. “You’re right. It doesn’t matter if you’re more or less mixed than them. It doesn’t matter how much or how little devil you have in you. It doesn’t change you in any significant way.”
“Thanks,” I said softly. Skrit nodded to me.
“Seb’s blood lust?” Alice asked Skrit sharply.
“Not from their devil blood,” she said. “Are you going to start blaming my attitude on the fact I’m a goblin now?” Alice looked sheepishly away. “You’d be right, but not because my race is predisposed to be assholes. It’s from a lifetime of putting up with shit exactly like what you just put Seb and Mal through. Only Seb wasn’t here to experience it. You’re lucky Gabe always treated me fairly or I could start making generalizations of humans.”
“That’s enough,” Wyst said. She tugged lightly at Alice to bring her closer. “Skrit, when do you want to leave?” She looked sadly to me. “We’re not going to convince Mal the error of her ways, are we?”
Skrit snorted. “Especially not like that.”
“I promised Seb I’d stay with them,” I whispered. “I’m not leaving them. Especially not alone.” They couldn’t handle being alone. I couldn’t go back to feeling alone even with others around me, either.
“I think you’re going to regret that,” Wyst said. Whether she meant it ominously or not, that’s how it came across.
“We can leave now,” Skrit answered Wyst’s previous question almost cheerfully. “No point in drawing it out, right?”
I hugged my arms over my knees and rested my chin. I’d gone through with my promise to Seb, but it still hurt. We’d been a group for so long. I had thought it would be forever. Losing them shouldn’t hurt like it had losing Gabe, but Wyst and Alice were the first people I’d chosen in my life. Maybe it hadn’t been a perfect fit, but that had to account for something.
I watched them miserably from my seat on the ground as they packed together their things. It didn’t take them long. They had a brief discussion about their immediate goal, and they left without waiting for Seb.
“Good luck, Malxir,” Skrit said before she turned away.
The morning wasn’t getting any warmer. The fire had gone out some time during the night and no one had thought to remedy it. The woods were quiet except for the faint moaning of wind through trees.
I didn’t want to move. It was easier to feel sorry for myself for whatever reason. To feel the abandonment I’d brought down on myself. Without Seb there to offset the misery, it was too easy. I felt irrevocably alone. Seb’s armor and pack waited for them, but what if they never returned for it? Returned for me?
I let the tears come. The helplessness to permeate. Without them, I was nothing. I was nothing.
I wrote this entire thing today. This was the idea I started with in the woods. I got a lot of time to write at work today. Which is stupid because we're on Saturday overtime because our production wasn't meeting minimum and my leadership decided to call off today about it. I enjoy being a peon, but I would much rather be home on the weekends.
Enough bitching. More Gabe. I really, really, really wanted more Gabe.
Master List
Gabe handed the writing slate Seb had picked up in the city for me and a stick of chalk. “How much of the alphabet do you remember?” he asked.
I grumbled as I situated the chalk in my fingers; I still didn’t know how to hold it right. Gabe made it look so natural. Even Seb didn’t seem to think about it when they’d written my name on the slate for Gabe. I had no clue how to spell my name and Gabe didn’t want to guess, so he deferred to Seb for the closest possible approximation. Seb was confident in their choices of letters. I didn’t understand how it was controversial.
“I don’t see why I need to learn this,” I said.
“You’re significantly less susceptible to deception and grifting when you’re literate, Malxir. It’s easier to lie to you than it needs to be.”
“Just because I can’t read? When is the last time I’ve needed to read something?”
Gabe gently shook his head. “It’s not only about when you need to read. It’s much easier for you to stay informed and safe when you can absorb information for yourself.”
“I’ve been fine so far.”
“You’ve been lucky,” Gabe said seriously. “And the next time you’re alone without me or Wyst around? Your luck may not hold out. Humor me. Learn this to make me feel better.”
It was different for Gabe. He liked to read. To write. He did it all the time. It was easy for him, so of course he thought that it was a necessary skill that I needed to learn. In all my experiences, he was wrong. I fiddled with the chalk in my fingers, unable to find a comfortable way to hold it. I didn’t care to.
Gabe sat down beside me with a weary sigh. “What’s the problem, Malxir?”
“I don’t want to,” I mumbled.
“Why not? Is it difficult?”
“Yes.”
“I know. And I appreciate you for acknowledging that. You were meant to start learning this about ten years ago, so you have much to catch up on.” He reached his hand over top the slate. “It’s okay if we need to go slow. You’re welcome to travel with us as long as you need. As long as you want.” He tapped the slate with his finger. “Can you remember the first letter?”
I shook my head. “Gabe, I can’t. I’m dumb. I’m not going to figure this out.”
“Malxir, you are not dumb,” Gabe said firmly. “Look at me.” I didn’t want to do that, either. I couldn’t take Gabe being mad at me for my stupidity. “Malxir, look at me, please.” He sounded sad. I lifted my eyes. “You are not dumb,” he repeated. “You are learning so much, and much of it rapidly. You are unlearned and I’m working on help you with that.” He leaned in, soft brown eyes locked on mine. “What can I do to better help you?”
I felt a pit form in my throat. He was so earnestly invested and I wanted nothing more than to ignore not only the problem, but my inability to read as a problem in itself. He didn’t need to go through the trouble, but he wasn’t backing down. Yet the way he interceded wasn’t irritating. It made me feel like I needed to do it.
“You don’t need to do this,” I moped.
“No, I don’t. You are absolutely correct,” Gabe agreed. He ducked his eyes to meet mine again. “I want to. You are stunningly brilliant and deserve to learn how to make things better for yourself. I really want to help you with that.” He gently pried the chalk from my fingers. “Do you need a refresher? That’s okay. You’ve only seen these letters once before.”
“Gabe?” Skrit poked her head around the tree I used as a back rest. “You need to control your partner. They’re about to beat Wyst into the ground.”
“What?” Gabe barked. He hastily pressed the chalk back into my palm and scrambled to his feet. “What happened?”
“They’re an ass?” Skrit supplied.
“It irritates me immensely when they do this,” Gabe grumbled. “Malxir, write down all the letters you can remember. I’ll be right back after I take care of Sebazin.”
I wasn’t about to sit around and rack my brain for all the letters Gabe had tried to teach me while he went off. I placed the slate and chalk aside to follow Skrit right behind him to see what scene Seb was causing with Wyst. Either Gabe didn’t notice me following or didn’t care, for he plowed ahead after Skrit without stopping me.
Seb and Wyst stood face to face, both cross with no intentions of hiding it. It wasn’t the showdown I was expecting. I stopped at the very edge of the clearing to stay out of the way.
“Sebazin,” Gabe called.
Seb rounded on Gabe with a bare snarl before locking eyes with Skrit. “You bothered Gabe? Really?” Skrit shrugged.
“What are you doing?” Gabe asked patiently.
“Nothing,” Seb snapped. “Fuck all nothing.”
Gabe pressed his fingers to his forehead. “Are you? Why are you bothering Wystralei about it?”
Seb narrowed their eyes at Gabe, the red swallowed by all the black. “I’m not the one fucking bothering.” Their glare turned back to Wyst. She didn’t shrink back. She held firm against them, chin lifted in the air. “Everything I do, she criticizes. And you’re going to take her side?”
“You’re rash and dangerous,” Wyst said evenly. “You’re purposefully putting us in peril when Gabe’s not here to stop you from doing it, so I’ll step in before you do something that permanently gets one of us hurt.”
“Then get. Better,” Seb growled.
Gabe set a hand on Seb’s shoulder to turn them from Wyst. “Okay. I see. That’s enough, Seb. Go back to town and find someone to play with. I don’t care what you do so long as you come back to me tonight intact. Okay?”
Seb blinked. “Are you too good for me?” They looked briefly to me before back to Gabe. I felt a sharp twinge in my chest.
“No. I only set you off further when you’re like this. You know that. This is your permission to fool around and calm down.” Gabe let go and put his hands on his hips. “I’ll wait up for you to come back.”
Seb’s fury dissolved away. They shrunk back and swallowed. “I’m sorry.”
“No you’re not,” Gabe chuckled. “You’ll continue to be a problem until this out of your system. So go do that.” Gabe waved at them while turning around. “Wystralei is the one you need to apologize to. Can you do that?”
Seb bristled up again. “Not happening.”
“Which is why you’re not sorry and you’re going to go talk to strangers. We’re running out of daylight, Seb.” He motioned at Seb to Skrit. “Make sure they leave, please?”
She scoffed. “Only if I get to beat them.”
“If that’s what it takes,” Gabe agreed easily. Seb sniffed. Skrit grinned.
Gabe touched my shoulder to prompt me into spinning much like he had with Seb. “You were supposed to keep busy, Malxir,” he chided.
“I thought they’d be fighting.” I stubbornly stayed in place, facing into the woods where Gabe had pointed me.
“Sebazin knows better than to do that,” Gabe said darkly. “They physically out class every single one of us.” He pushed me forward to where I’d left the slate. “People like us would need to aim to maim or kill them if it came to a true altercation.”
Gabe bent down to pick up the slate and chalk, handing it casually over to me. “What is the first letter of the alphabet?”
“Does it matter?” I muttered. I flopped back to the ground, nestling between two roots at the base of the tree trunk.
“You’re not going to work with me tonight, are you?” Gabe asked. “Malxir, this is important.”
“Why did you send Seb away? Aren’t they going to be dangerous to strangers if they are to us?”
Gabe sighed. “What Sebazin is doing is not important right now.” A little desperation underwrote his voice. “You know, they want to start teaching you maths once you’ve learned the basics of reading and writing.”
I groaned, throwing the slate to my lap and the back of my head to the tree. “I don’t want to learn any of this.”
Gabe hummed halfway between irritation and thought. “They hold back your share of the bounties we earn until you understand how gold works. Wyst and I know how much you’re owed. You’ll receive the gold in due time, but until then they keep it safe for you.”
“I don’t care.”
“What can I say for you to put some effort into this?”
“Nothing.”
“Okay. Alright. We’ll try this again tomorrow, then.” He sat down beside me again, touching my leg with their arm. “What’s going on, Malxir?”
“This is pointless. Stop trying.”
“You know as well as I that isn’t true.” He pushed his arm into my leg enough to move it. “This is difficult. You’re going to struggle for a while, but I know you’ll pick it up. There isn’t a reason to be disappointed in yourself.”
“I was fine before you.”
“No. You weren’t.”
I clenched my jaw, teeth dragging into one another. “How much did Seb tell you?”
“Nothing,” Gabe assured me. “Only how they act about you. So I know you were not fine before we met you.”
I tilted my head away, staring through the canopy at the sky.
Gabe waited to see if I’d reconnect with them before switching tactics. “Will talking about Seb help?”
“Whatever.”
“You two connected hard and fast,” Gabe observed. “You’ve never had anyone in your life like Sebazin before, have you?”
“No,” I said without any of the fierceness.
“They’re a good listener. I can be, too.”
“It wasn’t just that,” I said even more softly. My voice barely carried.
Gabe’s hand settled over my knee. I jerked my head down to stare at it. Gabe wasn’t as tactile as Seb or Wyst. “Sebazin is dangerous,” he said, answering my question he’d ignored before. “More so than they let on. There’s a small chance of them accidentally turning on any one of us. They’ve hurt me before. I’ll deal with them when it gets that dire. I know how.”
“Then why did you send them away?”
A smile teased at the corner of Gabe’s mouth. “That spat with Wyst wasn’t bad. Talking with strangers will give them something to do before they figure out what they need.”
“What’s that?”
“I won’t know until they return,” Gabe said.
I pulled my legs in a little more. “What do you mean they could accidentally turn on one of us?”
“Seb … isn’t like you and me. They don’t have the guilt of actions poorly chosen. They’re impulsive and rash without any regard to how it affects the future. When they’re angry or frustrated, if the easiest way for them to escape that is through you, they’re going through you. We’ve been working on it, but I can’t help them break the habit completely.”
“Is that why they said I shouldn’t trust them?”
“I can’t know for sure, but that’s a good guess.”
“They don’t scare me.”
Gabe’s smile stretched a little wider. “That’s probably why they’ve taken a liking to you.”
“What? They’ve spent half our travels mad at me,” I grumbled. Stared off into the brush away from Gabe to avoid looking at him.
“The boots?” Gabe chuckled. “No, that wasn’t them mad at you. They were breaking you.” He poked me in the side with two fingers. “To help you. You are stubborn.” I had to be. My tenacity kept me alive when nothing else seemed to want me to. “You’re aware you’re a part of a team now?”
I grunted.
“Okay, okay.” Gabe grabbed the slate and chalk from my lap. “Take some time for yourself. I’m going to whip up supper for all of us.” He groaned lightly as he pushed to his feet. With a gentle pat between my top horns, he left to the direction of camp.
He didn’t take too long in making food, somehow. Seb didn’t show back up in time to eat and Gabe didn’t bother saving anything for them. It left me with extra enough food to feel stuffed by the time I finished. Gabe and Wyst spent the remainder of the daylight pouring over their magic studies, and then night slowly took over with the chorus of crickets and frogs.
We took to our bed rolls in quick succession, though Gabe kept his word to Seb and remained upright and awake. I didn’t let myself fall asleep, but I curled up and didn’t move. Eventually, the bare sound of Seb’s footsteps approaching caused Gabe to stir.
“Feeling better?” Gabe asked softly. Their lips smacked in a kiss. Seb hummed to the sounds of them settling beside their lover. I had my back to them and kept up the facade of slumber. “I’ll take that as a yes.”
“Yes,” Seb confirmed, the word breathy.
Gabe was quiet a moment. "I think I made a mistake in letting you sleep with Malxir," he whispered. He must have figured I'd fallen asleep.
"Hmm? Why?" Seb was quiet, but not near so as Gabe. Gabe made a soft noise, and Seb's next words were muffled: "It's a schoolyard crush. Mal will get over it."
"No," Gabe said in a strained voice. "It's not as simple as that anymore. Maybe it once was."
"Gabe, don't worry about it," Seb begged.
Gabe grunted. "Get off my neck," he hissed. "Would you sleep with Malxir again?"
"I don't know. Maybe." There was a pause. "Probably," they said a little more begrudgingly. "I would. Mal ... Gabe, love, it's not - Mal is ... different. That was not ..."
"What?" Gabe asked flatly.
"Mal said it was a mistake." Gabe made a noise of surprise. "Well, not a mistake, but ... " Seb trailed off again. "I want to hold Mal close while they stick around. Is that okay?"
"What is it about Malxir, Seb?"
"Oh, like you haven't adopted Mal."
"It isn't just Malxir," Gabe protested. "It's also Wystralei. I'm sure I'd appreciate Alice's company, too, if she'd converse with anyone but Wyst."
"Right," Seb scoffed. "You definitely treat Wyst and Mal similarly." They groaned. "Are you going to fuck me?"
"Haven't you had enough tonight?" Gabe asked, exasperated.
"No. She wasn't you, love."
Gabe brokenly moaned. "You don't mean here."
"Absolutely. They're all asleep. Or, Wyst is doing whatever elves do, at least. Fuck me, Gabe. Please?"
"You're insatiable," Gabe snickered. "You're already hard?"
"I know, right?" Seb chuckled. "What do I need to do to get you there?"
“Like you don’t know,” Gabe laughed. “Get your face down there.”
I've been missing Gabe lately. Seb misses him enough. This was my compromise. Besides, I need more ideas from these couple years anyway. The forging of the Gabe/Seb/Mal thing they had going for a couple years. This would take place mere weeks after Gabe talked to Wyst in Join Us. Gabe and Seb have adopted Mal well enough, but Mal hasn't learned to trust anyone yet.
Master List
I pulled my boot off with a wince, lightly tracing over the places that I knew had been rubbed raw. The fabric of my chaus didn’t feel wet, so whatever damage I picked up couldn’t have been too bad. I elected to ignore it as I had been, switching to the other boot to begin untying it and loosening up the laces. I wished I could have said that I felt relief after pulling off the second boot, but I didn’t.
I’d built up calluses from the months of walking around, following Wyst around for her quest. I’d gotten used to the pain of these boots. They got a lot better after the first few weeks. The leather softened or my skin hardened. Whatever it was, I’d reached a certain harmony with my tools.
Joining with Gabe’s party made everything worse tenfold. Gabe was happy to let his previous teammates make the decisions, and that was part of the problem. They were accustomed to moving. So much more than the leisurely pace that Wyst set for me and Alice. Skrit was impatient to get places. She covered an uncanny amount of ground, considering how short she was compared to the lot of us. And Seb, they were just as restless. If Skrit wasn’t demanding enough, Seb’s itch for activity made up for it. Seb was not content with slow. They maneuvered us into danger for their own benefit.
At first, it exhausted the three of us. Gabe made plenty of remarks about how difficult it was to gauge how much food he needed to prepare for the journey as our bodies adjusted. He made me help him each day in preparation, which I found I didn’t mind. I knew Gabe saw me eat ingredients during prep, but he never said anything about it and had no problems playing pretend. He simply added my casual theft to his calculations. Some nights, Seb helped as us well, but they usually had some other thing to attend to instead. Alice acted like she wanted to help me and Gabe at first, but eventually gave up when Gabe’s attention was centered on teaching me.
I stood with a wince, adding a couple limping steps to limber back up without the boots on. I should have taken my chausses off, but I didn’t want to see the damage. I didn’t need anyone else to see. On my feet, accustoming myself to the way the rubs settled against the fabric of the chausses without the leather of the boots pressing in, I worked on pulling off my armor and padded shirt beneath. It wasn’t until I’d taken it all off did I notice that Gabe was waiting for me.
“Ready?” he asked.
I nodded. Gabe didn’t have armor and weapons to doff and tend to. He started the fire and began the set up to begin making food. Meanwhile, Wyst gathered around what needed fixed and worked on it, both through physical and magical means. Alice, of course, was never far from Wyst. Seb and Skrit were the wild cards. I had no clue where Skrit went off to.
Seb worked on polishing up their armor this night, situated rather close to our area of work. Gabe tapped them on our way over, working some inexplicable sign language before settling at the supplies pack and handing things over to me. I looked between Gabe and Seb with questions thick on my tongue, but I knew better than to ask. Neither of them would tell me anything. It was a waste of breath.
It wasn’t until we were nearly finished putting everything together that I noticed Seb’s attention was completely on me. They had most of their armor off, leaving only a few pieces they wouldn’t have had a problem moving in. I jumped, entering into Gabe’s space like he would protect me from Seb’s scrutiny.
“Pay attention,” Gabe chided.
“What -?” I gestured in Seb’s direction.
Gabe didn’t follow my movement. He already knew Seb’s intentions and what I was asking. The two of them were hardly separate entities. They functioned smoothly as one. Of course Gabe already knew. “Do you have something to tell us, Malxir?” Gabe asked gently.
“No.”
Gabe emptied my hands and turned his back. It was some sort of opening for Seb, it seemed. Seb shoved forward and grabbed me by the ankle, pulling me into them and nearly crashing me to the ground. It took my entire balance to keep from falling. “Take off your chausses,” Seb demanded.
“What?” I couldn’t help the panic. This was unusual. And wrong.
“How long have you had those boots, Malxir?” Gabe asked absently. He turned just enough so that he didn’t need to raise his voice over his back.
“Since-since I left where I grew up.”
“So they’re stolen,” Gabe clarified. I didn’t detect any disappointment in this statement. Not this time.
I bristled despite myself. “Yes.”
“They don’t fit you, do they?” Seb asked. They tapped their fingers against my leg without letting go. “Chausses off. Now.”
“What are you going to do?” I demanded. I didn’t care that I was being petulant. It wasn’t their business. I wasn’t about to take off more of my clothing for them because they decided it was necessary.
Gabe stepped away from the cauldron and wiped his hands together on his way over to us. “How bad is it, Malxir?”
I tried to pull away from Seb, to disappear until the girls were around to stop them from making a scene, but Seb of course held fast. I couldn’t break their hold when they didn’t want me to leave. “It’s not bad,” I snarled. “I’ll be fine. Just like I was fine before you.”
Seb pressed their fingers into the skin below my ankle, eliciting an unwitting hiss from me. Asshole. Rather than say anything, they looked up to their boyfriend, letting him take the lead.
“Let us help you,” Gabe said, like he was talking to a frail and scared animal.
“Fuck you,” I spit. I wasn’t sure how I did it, but I managed to dodge Seb’s grip and stand up on my own two feet without their hands on me. “I’ve taken care of myself my whole life. I don’t fucking need your pity.” I ducked into the woods around us and did my best impression at disappearing.
“You could have done that better,” I heard Gabe comment to Seb, not waiting for me to get far. Seb chuckled. “It’s not funny.” I didn’t catch Seb’s response by the time I was out of their range.
I stopped once I was certain no one would be able to find me. I had no doubt I’d find my way back to camp, but I didn’t want to run into Skrit, wherever she went off to. I didn’t want Wyst or Seb to come looking for me. I wanted to be alone. I didn’t want to be pestered. I didn’t want to be coddled.
I waited for the sun to sink. For the shadows to engulf the world. The dark didn’t bother me. I could see well enough, night or day. I knew the longer I waited, I missed my chance at supper. Logically, I knew Gabe wouldn’t punish me by giving away my rations, but in practice … it’s what I was used to. I was stupid and self-serving and I deserved it.
By the time I could bring myself to return to camp, night had fallen completely. Considering how close we were to the height of summer, I could only imagine how late it really was. Alice and Skrit were asleep. Wyst meditated over top her bed roll. Gabe slept on his side with his back to Seb while Seb petted him. Waiting up. For me. They locked eyes onto me as soon as I slunk into view. I sauntered over, dropping to my knees in front of them without looking at them. I should have gone to bed.
“You don’t want Gabe’s sympathy,” Seb said, their voice low. I watched their hand slide over the fabric of Gabe’s shirt, back and forth and in circles. Absent-minded patterns. “Fine.” Their hand paused and they leaned forward into my space. I didn’t flinch. “But how long until this becomes a problem? When is it going to get so bad that you falter in battle and you can’t have our backs? You’re not acting alone anymore, Mal. You’re not playing a silly little game with Wyst. You’re on my team. You’re working directly with me.I can’t have you walking around with festering wounds. I can’t have you running off when someone confronts you with something that affects all of us. Do you fucking understand?”
“It’s not that big of a deal,” I mumbled. It wasn’t like they’d noticed until Gabe brought it up anyway. I could do my job.
“The fuck it isn’t,” Seb spat. “Show me.”
“No.”
“Then you’re out,” Seb said simply. The words punched me. I blinked and looked up at Seb. “I won’t trust our lives to you in battle. You’re done.” They leaned back and returned to petting Gabe as he slept. “Can you imagine how disappointed Wyst will be in you? Gabe?” I twitched. They weren’t trying to be nice. They were trying to find what hurt me most, using only words. “You don’t want to disappoint Gabe.” Seb said it like it was some sort of revelation. They sniffed, resetting into careful cruelty.
“Gabe left you a bowl. Eat it and get to bed,” Seb commanded. Cold. “I volunteered for first watch since we couldn’t put up the alarm perimeter with you gone.”
I winced, but staggered to my feet to find the bowl of promised food. It was as cold as Seb’s attitude, but it was food. It didn’t take long for me to finish. To lie down and fall asleep. I didn’t want to disappoint Gabe. I didn’t want Seb to hate me. I didn’t want Wyst’s worry.
That’s what I got for wanting.
When we got ready in the morning, Seb made sure to stop me specially during our preparations. “Don’t bother armoring up,” they said. They stooped down to grab my sheathed weapons, acting like it was some kind of afterthought. “Pack up what you’re not wearing already. Except your boots, of course.” Their eyes trailed over them appraisingly, but I wasn’t sure what kind of information they could get out of the boots just sitting there. They returned to Gabe, the two of them as handsy as ever. I stared hard at Seb’s back while they pretended everything was normal. Gabe didn’t look at me.
“What’s going on?” Wyst asked me. She followed my gaze over to Seb and Gabe.
“Seb’s mad at me, that’s all,” I said miserably. Maybe Gabe, too. I didn’t know. Gabe wasn’t turning around.
“Why?”
“We had a little fight. It’s fine.”
Wyst pressed her lips together, her eyebrows pulled together. “Why did they take your weapons?”
My shoulders slumped. “That’s part of the fight.”
“Mal, you need those.”
“They’re not going to let me fight, Wyst.” She needed to shut up and leave me alone.
“And what if we’re ambushed?” Wyst demanded.
“I guess I fucking hide. I don’t know.” My face flushed with irritation. It was bad enough that I’d pissed of Seb and Gabe. Wyst riding me for something out of my control was too much.
“How is -”
“Shut up,” I snapped. “Just shut up.”
Wyst shut up. She also turned around and stomped right over to Seb and Gabe.
I dashed forward a couple steps before grounding in my feet. “Stay out of it!” I barked. My words didn’t pass through her ears. My shrill demand was enough to grab Seb’s attention, halfway through putting on their armor. Gabe remained facing away, unreadable. Seb’s expression dropped to stony as Wyst approached. They weren’t going to be any better for her.
Skrit, for her part, looked positively overjoyed. She strode over to me with a wide grin. An expression quite imposing, considering her pointy goblin teeth. “What did you do?” she asked with entirely way too much amusement.
“I didn’t do anything,” I seethed. “They’re being unreasonable.”
“Possible,” Skrit said. “But unlikely. Why are they taking you out of the equation? They like you, so this is juicy.”
“Fuck off,” I snarled.
Skrit shrugged. “I’ll get Gabe to tell me. He’s feeling guilty about it.” Why the fuck could these three read each other so well? She sauntered off, but didn’t go for Gabe. Gabe was busy talking to Wyst while Seb silently tuned in to the conversation and finished donning their armor.
Eventually, Wyst came back to me. Her frustration had evaporated. She was somber. “Sebazin makes the battle decisions and they’re not going to budge until you talk to them. Gabe’s concerned, but he won’t tell me why. Mal, you need to figure this out before we move. I don’t think Seb’s being safe about this.”
“They’re both overstepping and Seb’s being an ass.”
The look Wyst gave me told me that she didn’t believe me. Damn wizard and his words. “Just talk to Gabe. Please.”
“There’s nothing to talk about.” I threw my pack onto my back, feeling it dig in harder than I was used to without my armor. I felt naked, even though I wasn’t. A few short months of having it and it felt like a second skin.
So that was how it went. For days. Gabe explicitly ignored me. Seb kept me away from him, helping him prepare suppers so that I didn’t come near. Wyst begged me to make things right, like this was my fault. Skrit regarded me like some piece of comedy. Alice ignored me, which wasn’t unusual. But when it came to skirmishes, Seb specifically shoved me out of them if I didn’t do it myself. They covered me if I couldn’t get completely away. I was aware of that, as subtle as it was sometimes. And if it was a planned battle, where Seb strategized an ambush, I was left behind with express orders and detailed consequences.
I couldn’t have talked to Gabe if I wanted to. Seb made sure of that. They also ensured I felt ostracized. Why would I want to talk to Seb if they treated me poorly in the meantime?
It took about a week for me to break down. I wanted to approach them at night, the darkened sky and the stars offering a kind of comfort the day could never. But nighttime was for sleep. Or for Seb and Gabe to go off to fuck. Without my select choice of when to approach, it felt like the time spiraled out of control. I ended up confronting Seb after the group returned from a planned battle. Seb looked abnormally rough, but tired rather than disdainful.
“How long are you going to keep this up?” I stared down at the ground. At their bloody feet.
“Until you do what I asked or until I can find a safe place to pawn you off.” They tossed their sword to the ground unceremoniously.
“It’s not a big deal,” I mumbled.
“Then fucking show me your feet.” Seb didn’t say it with malice, like before. They were drained. “That’s all I asked of you, Malxir.”
“Can we go somewhere else?”
“Yeah.” Their gauntleted hand fell onto my shoulder. “Give me a few minutes to get this off first.”
The armor didn’t come off easy. Seb didn’t wince or drag their feet over any part of it, but I could still read the pain certain movements caused them. I couldn’t tell if the blood that stuck their clothes to them was theirs or someone else’s that had snuck through the cracks, but it was more than what was usual. They didn’t bother removing the clothing, only the leather and the metal. They smacked Gabe with their tail, alerting him to my defeat in the battle of wills. If he spoke, it would be the first time I heard his voice since we last cooked together. “Go,” Seb ordered simply.
I didn’t lead us far away, but somewhere I didn’t think Skrit would apply her greedy ears. I sat, marking the decision. Both Gabe and Seb followed suit.
“How bad does it have to be for you to put up such a fight?” Seb asked, their voice so gentle compared to the venom I’d gotten all week.
I untied my clothes and removed my chausses without answering. Seb grabbed my foot with an unexpected tenderness, turning it over to inspect. I’d been avoiding looking at my feet. They weren’t as bad without battling alongside everyone, but the healing sores and disturbed calluses were unmistakable even around the still open wounds.
“You know we could have fixed this if you told us about it,” Gabe said.
I wanted to collapse into a puddle and not hear Gabe’s cautious distress. He was disappointed in me. He was the only one that could be. He was the only one that could make me feel bad. I didn’t know how he did it, but it hurt so much to hear his voice like that.
“That’s what it’s like to wear boots.”
“What?” Seb said so sharply, it made me jump.
“Malxir … no,” Gabe said. He sounded sad.
“It’s always what it’s been like.”
“You took them off a stranger, Mal,” Seb said. They set my foot down. Didn’t drop it. Purposefully put it on the ground. “They don’t fit.”
“Yeah they do.”
“Boots that fit won’t take off your skin, Mal.” Gabe needed to cut that out with his voice.
“Why are you so stubborn?” Seb lamented, but they lacked the energy. “We’re not – Malxir, we’re going to help you when you let us. Please fucking let us.”
“Why do you care?” I asked quietly. I stared between them. They didn’t care this much about Wyst or Alice. Seb and Skrit had a weird hate relationship that Gabe merely orbited around. They only doted on me.
Seb licked their lip and glanced to Gabe. “Because no one else has before,” Gabe said softly.
“You’re the one that cried on me.” Seb sniffed a laugh. “You begged me to stay, remember?” They leaned forward, gently touching my ankle with their fingertips. “I’m getting you new boots next town we’re in with a cobbler, but you can’t do this to Gabe again, understand?”
My eyes settled on Gabe. “Do what?”
Gabe rolled his eyes and hooked an arm around Seb’s. “Sebazin wouldn’t let me speak to you. They were afraid I’d cave to your petulance.”
“My what?”
“You’re a brat and Gabe doesn’t have the tenacity to put up with you,” Seb said. They untangled themselves from me and Gabe, standing. “Damn this was a waste of time, Mal. Seriously. Listen to us the first time. We’re on your side.” Their eyes flicked to my damaged skin. “Gabe, can you do something about that in the meantime?”
“That?” Gabe looked Seb up and down. “What about you?”
“Just more scars for the collection. I’m fine.” So it was Seb’s blood. They dragged a hand down their face. “Fuck, this was exhausting.” They didn’t say another word, but turned back the way we’d come, footsteps heavy.
Gabe shifted to his feet and offered his hand to help me up as well. “You worry Seb, you know,” he said. “You worry us both.”
“Why?”
“Because you don’t know what you’re doing even though you’re trying so hard to act like it. It’s okay. You can ask us for help. We’re not going to judge you.” He held open his arms, inviting me in for a hug. I debated, but accepted. It felt good to have Gabe’s attention again. I didn’t realize I’d missed it. He wasn’t big on touching, which I appreciated, so the hug was special. “Okay?”
