#skrit

[tw0scar]

my special child and how he sees himself

[askspades]

This was a difficult question to answer. 

Why do we do what we do? Our actions define us, what and who we are. They are the means to communicate that which is most important; they are how we change the world around us. 

Why do they tell us to dance like nopony is watching? To sing like nopony can hear us? With whom do we share our stories - our grief and our joy when we are alone? We are social creatures by nature, and all that we do, we were meant to do together~

When I am alone, before I turn to sleep, I will take the time to write, if only to help craft my thoughts into something more coherent, to shape them into something easier to share. When my writing is done, I will read the works of others, so that the voices and lessons of those before me can have an audience once more. Sometimes brother will keep my company, so that I have somepony to read to.

And sometimes I will paint my hoofs, because nopony minds if I make a mess in the barn. Hoofpolish stains are conspicuous and not the easiest to clean.

[brb-cuddles]

[theoneandonlyfangirlofpower]

Bluebrarry Day Six- SHIPPING Nope, no boats in here. We all ship someone with Blueberry.

I SHIP DARKBLUE! I”M SORRY I”M JUST DOING FALLEN ONES BUT I SHIP DARKBLUE

Blueberry belongs to @popcornpr1nce Fallens Ones and Dark and the DarkBlue/Dark Blue ship belong to me The Bluebrarry Challenge belongs to @nekoitzer

[tw0scar]

the worlds best orc with his weapon

[kifu]

I lost inspiration for writing Theo temporarily, but I finally found the nudge I needed to finish this piece I started a couple months ago. This will take some time after Bullywugs, about a year after the two parties met and converged.

Seb talks about their sex life. A lot, non-explicitly.

Master List

“Okay, it looks like the next step is … this dwarven city,” Wyst said. She pointed at the map for Gabe to beside her. “I cannot pronounce that. It’s like they’re allergic to vowels.”

“Does it need to be a dwarven city?” Gabe asked with a bare undertone of dread.

I leaned against Seb’s legs, picking at some of the leftover foods we had that weren’t holding up to time as well. They shifted subtly towards the conversation, a fraction of their tranquility slipping away.

“What do you have against dwarves?” Wyst asked suspiciously.

“Nothing! Absolutely nothing. There simply has to be another way through.”

“Of course there’s over or around rather than through,” Wyst conceded. “We don’t have the supplies to make it to here.” Wyst pointed at a point on the map. “And over is deadly. We’re not equipped for going over a mountain range.”

“Trying to go over the mountains would take us weeks if not months even if we were properly prepared,” Alice pitched in. “Skrit and I can’t support us in that kind of environment, especially for so long.”

Gabe traced a finger over the map. “It doesn’t need to be over. It can be around. This is an open trade route. It’ll be easily traversed and well traveled to be relatively safe.”

Wyst studied the man seriously. “That’s still going to add three weeks minimum to the trip.”

“It should be supplied well enough along the way we wouldn’t need to forage,” Alice said.

“Are we in a hurry?” Gabe asked.

Seb tapped me. “Get up.” I shifted enough to support myself and allow them to stand. “You are not adding a month to our travel because you’re jealous, love,” Seb chided. They joined the three of them around the map.

Alice took a nervous step back. “It wasn’t because you didn’t want to go through the underdark?” she asked rhetorically toward Gabe.

Gabe gawked at Seb. “I’m not – I’m avoiding the situation.”

“Fucking shit,” Skrit cursed with amusement. “You fucking whore. How many detours did Gabe put us on because of you?”

“Don’t call me a whore,” Seb said with enough disdain to make me flinch. It brought a shame to my chest I didn’t know I had. Seb couldn’t feel ill towards whores, knowing that it was all I’d ever been before this group. They couldn’t treat me well when that identity defined me to them.

“Why not?” Skrit sneered. “Does it make you feel bad?”

“I love whores,” Seb said. “It does them a disservice to call me one.” Oh. It was the opposite; Seb had the utmost respect for whores. That made more sense. Considering … them.

“It’s only dwarf land I steer us away from. We don’t typically have reason to intersect with them, so it’s never been so … monumentous before.”

“You’ve fetishized dwarves?” Skrit asked Seb incredulously.

Seb turned to look her in the eye. “People say that devils know how to fuck. Obviously, the scant humans in my lineage thought so. There are more than a few devils in my ancestry. I’ve never fucked a devil, but I’ve fucked a couple dwarves. They’re the best lays I’ve ever …” Seb trailed off, eyes sliding back to Gabe. “Um. Dwarves know sex. It’s not a fetish, it’s – I need to stop explaining this to you,” Seb said, wavering under Gabe’s ferocious glare.

“Are we of an understanding why I’ve considered this a necessary aversion?” Gabe asked Wyst, voice clipped.

Wyst buried her face in her hand. “I’m not adding weeks to the road and camping without a bed because Sebazin – because Sebazin.”

“I’m not going to try and jump the bones of every dwarf we see,” Seb grumbled. “This is purely Gabe’s jealousy, not because I can’t control myself.”

“How can you even be jealous after all the people you’ve let them sleep with?” Skrit asked Gabe, clearly having fun with the new information.

“There’s more to it,” Gabe said, “that we will not be unpacking as a group, thank-you.”

“I’ll tell you later,” Seb mouthed to Skrit with a nod. Skrit grinned in acceptance and went back to what she had been doing before curiosity over the mounting drama ensnared her. I vaguely wondered if I could be included in the promised explanation, but not only did I not know how to ask, I didn’t think anyone would appreciate me butting in. Seb and I already pushed Gabe’s boundaries as it was, with lack of erroneous information.

“I’m sorry, Gabe. We’re going through this city and the underdark,” Wyst said.

Gabe’s face twisted into cringing disappointment.

“The underdark is going to be way different than we’re used to,” Alice said quietly. “Gabe, have you ever gone there?”

“No. You?” Alice shook her head. “You know, Alice and I are incapable of seeing in the dark like the rest of you. Like dwarves. We don’t know what this terrain is like and our map here is incomplete.”

“Gabe,” Wyst said gently. “We’re going through the underdark. We’ll get the information we need once we’re in the city.”

Seb turned back to the group. “You always want to experience new things, love,” Seb said lightly.

“No, I endeavor to learn new things,” Gabe corrected. “Experience is not required for raw knowledge.”

Seb leaned over the map, closer to Gabe. “Experience is the best part.” They lowered their voice, but not enough that we all couldn’t hear: “Have you ever read erotica?”

Gabe rolled his eyes and threw his hands helplessly in the air. Alice’s face immediately reddened. She turned away, but it couldn’t hide the glow of her ears.

Seb brightened, straightening up. “Shit!” they whooped. “The fucking human girl has! Was it any good? Really pales in comparison to the real thing, doesn’t it?”

Alice did her best to hide away, shrinking but considerably failing to conceal the furious blush.

“Aw, don’t tell me you haven’t tried it yet,” Seb said.

“Seb, leave her alone,” Wyst rebuked. “What is wrong with you?”

“What’s stopping you?” Seb asked gently. They shifted a step back, looking between Alice and Wyst. “It doesn’t need to be a big deal if you don’t want it to be. I’ll buy you a prostitute in … where? Vog Bohdhn? Woman, man, your preference so long as I can find one that’s not a dwarf. My treat.”

“Sebazin,” Gabe hissed crossly.

“What? It’s gold well spent. I could have offered personally instead.” They crossed their arms, looking Alice up and down. Their tail flicked. “If I thought that could ever be an option.” Gabe’s glare could have killed. “What? I can be gentle.” They could. Even if they had to clarify for Gabe, I knew how gentle Seb could be. I was grateful for the fact my skin was already red. It wasn’t a case of embarrassment for me, but that extreme and vivid longing for something I could never have again. Alice was lucky for the thought to have crossed their mind.

“That is not what is wrong with this situation,” Gabe grated.

“With your permission?” Seb guessed.

“That’s still not – forget it,” Gabe sighed. “Go away.”

“What’s the problem?” Seb asked genuinely. They shrugged their arms open, but didn’t receive a response from the three around them. Shaking their head, they turned from them, heading to their pile of things. They started grabbing their clothing and armor to get ready to move. Skrit snorted back authentic laughter, stuffing her hand into her mouth for help.

Wyst and Gabe exchanged exasperated looks. “What did they call the city?” Wyst asked to get them back on track.

“Vog Bohdhn,” Gabe said with a trace of defeat.

“We’re going there. We can get there by tonight. Do you really think Seb can be any worse than they already are?”

“Oh yes,” Gabe said, “absolutely.”

When my teammates said dwarven city, I expected something like the cities I’d grown up in or one of the bigger cities we’d visited together. I did not expect to enter into a mountain and find every surface made of polished stone. Everything was immaculate and precise. I grabbed on to Seb’s hand to guide me so that I could stare.

Carved into the stone as it was, the dwarves had full mastery of every dimension. They could build their city as tall or as deep as they wished. It didn’t need to sprawl horizontally to accommodate for its population. Most everything looked similar and difficult to differentiate, relying on signage to signal intent. It left navigation a little confusing, but it was a fair puzzle for Wyst and Gabe to figure out.

We found lodging first, with the help of a random citizen. It turned out that I couldn’t read any of the words not because I was a poor reader, but because none of it was in the common alphabet or language Gabe had taught me in. Everyone else was almost as lost as I was. It did them well to struggle every now and again.

Seb stopped us in the door. “Do you want your own room tonight?” they asked Alice.

Wyst shoved them forward. “Knock it off,” she scolded.

Seb dug in their feet. “I’m being serious!”

“You are doing the opposite of helping,” she said firmly. “You need to stop.”

They stared at her a moment, processing with a vaguely alarmed expression until they relaxed back to normal with a nod. “Our usual arrangements?” they asked softly. They didn’t need an answer before they ducked inside to let money talk.

The room Seb led Gabe and I into was carved out of stone, much like everything else in the city. Glowing gems grew into one wall, illuminating the interior with a calming blue light. The space didn’t allow for much more than the bed, which appeared lush but overall small.

I threw my travel pack beside Seb’s and closed the door behind us as Seb began doffing their armor.

Gabe set his pack on the bed, sitting down beside it. “Wyst and I will go back out to search for a new map and supplies we’ll need for travel through the underdark,” he said. “I’d like it for you to stay in our room.” These words he directed solely to Seb. I unbelted my weapons, weaving them into my pack to hold them in place.

“What did I do?” Seb asked. “Why are you angry with me?”

I crept behind them to stay behind the conversation.

“You’re sexually charged in a city of dwarves,” Gabe said. “I only want to get what we need and leave this all behind.”

“Sexually – I’m always sexually charged! You don’t trust me.” Hurt laced Seb’s voice. “What did I ever do to deserve that?”

Gabe ignored Seb’s question. He turned his eyes to me. Seb began ripping at the ties at their armor, throwing it to the angle between the floor and wall once free of it. “Malxir, I want you to stay here with Sebazin. Wyst and I will have enough to do finding what we need without keeping an eye on you.” I understood Seb’s offense. I hadn’t done anything to deserve that, either.

“Oh, but you trust the two of us together alone?” Seb huffed.

Gabe side eyed them. “I’m going to ask Skrit to keep you company.”

Seb began to step to Gabe, aggression in their frame and fury on their face, and then thought better of it. They had enough armor off to make movement awkward but not easy. “Jealousy doesn’t look good on you,” they growled.

“This is easier, Sebazin,” Gabe replied dismissively. He left the room without closing the door behind him.

Seb sat heavily on the edge of the bed. “He’s never been like this before,” they said absently. “I don’t know what’s going on.” They ran a hand over their face. I crawled across the bed to sit beside them. “I don’t care if the others treat me like something less. But I can’t take it from you or Gabe.”

I reached over to help undo the straps holding on the bulk of Seb’s armor they hadn’t yet doffed. “Have I ever made you feel like less?”

“No. You’re my supportive little shadow with bite, but no bark.” Seb lifted off the armor as I freed it from them, movements languid. As soon as the most uncomfortable piece of armor from around their chest was gone, they grabbed me against them with an intentional kiss to my forehead. “What do I do when the man that grounds me throws my footing? What did I do, Mal?”

“Most people don’t like whores, Seb,” I said softly. “It’s why I’ve never told anyone else we work with.”

“I’m not a -!” Seb let go of me, but allowed me to lean on them. “Whores are a respectable working class. More than half the work we do. I’ll accept being called a slut, but calling me a whore is slander to sex workers.”

“I wasn’t calling you a whore,” I clarified, petting over one of the seams across their chest. “What do you mean respectable?” I’d never once felt respected in any interaction I could remember. Not until Seb.

“I really need to put my foot in my mouth for the rest of the night.” Seb pushed me off of them to finish undressing. “It should be a more respected profession. I’m sure you had the worst of the worst clients, without a choice and … all. I wish it could have been different for you.”

Wyst showed up in the doorway around the time Seb guided their shirt over their horns. “We’re going to need the party gold,” she said.

“You don’t know where it is?” Seb asked bleakly.

“I’m not touching your things.”

“Even if I tell you to?” Seb grumbled and shuffled onto their knees to dig through their pack. “I don’t care if you know everything I have. What do you think you’ll find that you don’t already know?”

Skrit pushed into the room from behind Wyst to lean against the bedside next to me. “How are you supposed to go in public undressed like that?” she asked as Seb moved some gold into a pouch for Wyst. “How are we going to eat?”

“We can wait until Gabe and Wyst are back,” Seb said with tired patience. They held up the pouch to Wyst. “That enough?”

Wyst took it, weighing it in hand. “This isn’t all of it? How much funds do we have?”

“Enough,” Seb replied. “Everything I’ve ever made and don’t spend. Plus whatever Skrit and Mal contributed since joining me since they both don’t take cuts from bounties.” They stood, stepping back to give her space. “There are not separate party funds. It’s too much work to keep track of.”

“We spend your money?”

Seb shrugged. “I get the most out what we do, I think. I don’t need pay. Consider it my wages to you for putting up with me for it.”

Wyst looked to me with confusion. “Why aren’t you taking your share?”

“Why?” I asked. “What’s the point? Seb feeds me.”

Seb snorted. “Mal and Skrit are on separate contracts for when they decide to leave.” They sniffed. “A kind of severance payout. Mal’s negotiated through Gabe.”

“When did this happen?”

“As soon as Seb let me,” I said. “I don’t want to carry that.”

“It does keep them more agile and light on their feet,” Seb agreed. “I’m the muscle. Skrit is the speed and Mal the stealth. It works for us. And you wizards get to keep your gold close in the moments you briefly have it.”

Wyst pressed her lips together in thought. “You three should go eat,” she said after a long moment.

Seb chuckled. It wasn’t out of amusement. They turned their back to Wyst, pacing towards the wall and away from her. “Nope. We’ll wait here.” Skrit groaned.

“Why? What is the point of waiting? We can get food while we’re out.”

Seb spun. “You need to lay off me when it’s not your business,” Seb growled, pointing at her. “I took it over the human, but here you’re out of line.”

“She has a name,” Wyst scoffed.

“Yeah? I’ll use it when she realizes I’m more than a flesh shield for you all,” Seb barked.

“What’s going on here?” Gabe asked from the doorway.

Seb dropped their hand, curling it into a fist at their side. “Gabe, I’m reaching my snapping point,” Seb said tightly.

“You’re being a giant asshole!” Wyst lamented.

“Because I’m waiting for you?”

“What did they do now?” Gabe asked with resign.

“Why do you assume it’s me?” Seb snapped. No one had a chance to answer them. “Leave. I need you to leave now.” Wyst sniffed haughtily, but left at Gabe’s silent beckon.

Seb visibly deflated the moment Wyst and Gabe disappeared from the room. They threw themselves on the edge of the bed, shifting it sharply beneath me, and curled up with their hands around their horns. They breathed out deeply, with seemingly no intentions of refilling their lungs.

“You alright, big guy?” Skrit asked.

“The fuck makes you think I could be?” Seb asked after a sharp inhale. “I’m not going to hurt anyone, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“No.” She pressed her lips together, contemplative.

Seb’s fingers scrubbed into their skull at the base of their horns. “Skrit, take Mal and go eat. You don’t need to wait for me.”

Skrit looked over to me with a flat, wordless question. I shook my head to the side, just enough to get my point across: I wasn’t going without Seb. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust being alone with Skrit. It simply felt … boring.

“Nah.” Skrit jumped onto the edge of the bed, putting me between her and Seb. “I’m not that hungry.”

“That’s a load of shit,” Seb scoffed.

“Hey, you were going to explain why Gabe’s being a giant dick about this,” Skrit reminded them. “Besides the fact you’ve fetishized dwarves.”

“I didn’t -” Seb sniffed, wrenching their chin away. “Seems kind of stupid now, after all this.”

“‘Kind of stupid’ has you pretty miserable,” Skrit pointed out.

Seb sniffed a humorless laugh. “The dwarves I slept with have had huge cocks,” they said. “I haven’t made it a secret from him. He’s jealous. Doesn’t think he can contend. That’s it. That’s all it is.”

“You’re a bottom?” Skrit sputtered.

Seb slowly swiveled their full attention to her, clasping their hands together at their knees as they leaned harder on their elbows. “I’m a verse, but I exclusively bottom for Gabe,” they explained.

“You do not.”

Seb shrugged. “Pretty stupid thing to lie about. I prefer bottoming, most of the time.”

“Bullshit.”

“Skrit, I’m his sub.” Whatever that meant.

Skrit’s jaw dropped, too shocked for words. She got what it was about.

I had about as hard of a time believing Seb as Skrit did. In the night I’d had with Seb, they automatically fell into the role of top with no questions asked it asked. They were incredibly good at it. Not just the way they fucked me, but guiding me mentally as well. A solid year later, I still fantasized about that night. I couldn’t imagine them in any other role.

Skrit blinked the bulk of her incredulousness away. “So you’re stuck here because you’re Gabe’s bitch.”

Seb’s eyes fell back to their hands. “Yeah.”

“Holy shit,” Skrit snorted. “There’s no way.”

Seb shrugged again. “I do enough to piss him off. Now isn’t the time to antagonize him.” They breathed out noisily. “I do love him.”

“Right. Sure.” She turned to eye me. “Fuck, why not? You flirt with the kid every day.”

“Yeah? Mal’s not a threat to him. Leave Mal out of it.”

Wicked plots marched through Skrit’s eyes. She pulled her legs from the edge of the bed and crossed them before her to completely face Seb. “I bet you twenty gold you can’t bed a dwarf.”

Seb’s eyes snapped to her. “We already established your gold is my gold is the party’s gold. That’s betting myself.”

“I’ll find you different gold,” Skrit dismissed. “Not that I’ll need to.”

“We don’t need more gold, Skrit,” Seb sighed.

“You’re a coward.”

Seb’s nose wrinkled. “No. It’s not worth Gabe holding out on me for weeks because he’s pissed at me.” Seb’s eyes darted to me. “The last time was two and a half weeks. This is worse.”

“Fucking a dwarf is worse than lying about fucking the kid, yeah, but you get something out of it this time. It’s not like abstinence kills, slut.”

“No, but I don’t like it. I don’t go weeks without a lay. Not since I started having sex twenty years ago.”

“Maybe some time to cool off isn’t such a bad idea,” Skrit suggested.

“No.” Seb brought a leg up to face her, their back straightening out. “Look, this arrangement is already less than optimal. The only reason I sleep with so many people is because he doesn’t want me to take a second partner. The sex is fine, but I’d prefer the connection. That’s the part that scares him.”

Skrit’s eyes wandered back to me.

“Yeah, that’s why it’s supposed to be one night stands,” Seb scowled, looking away.

I got it. I was a problem because we’d fucked and I didn’t go away. The feelings of needing Seb’s attention never went away. Gabe treated me well, but I liked Seb in a way that could be construed as a threat despite Seb’s insistence contrary. I couldn’t do that to Gabe. I pretended my heart didn’t flutter. My dick didn’t react. I pretended the thing I felt toward Seb was normal. For Gabe. Because I couldn’t disappoint him.

Heat rose to my cheeks. I had to curl into myself further to hold my composure.

“Then fuck a dwarven woman,” Skrit said. “I bet you can’t bag a dwarven woman.”

Seb snorted. “Yeah, I can’t. I know what I have and no dwarven woman would look at me.”

“It’s not just about your penis,” Skrit snickered.

“I know that. Hey, give me some credit, asshole. All I’m saying is you don’t think a dwarven man knows how to treat his, uh, woman?”

I thought what Seb had was nice. They were judging themselves too harshly.

“Okay, you’re a coward,” Skrit said, circling back to an earlier insult for added impact.

“I don’t think it’s cowardice if the outcome is inevitable,” Seb sniffed. “I can’t convince a dwarven woman to sleep with me. It’s not lack of confidence; I fucking have enough of that. It’s not going to happen.”

“A dwarven man, then.”

Seb held Skrit’s eyes, their intensity just short of a glare. “I’m not doing that to Gabe, Skrit. If you want to call me a coward because I respect my lover, that’s fine. I’m a coward. But at least I’m getting laid as soon as we leave this damn city and Gabe gets rid of the bug up his ass.”

Skrit broke the eye contact with a snort. “I almost could believe you’re a sub when you act like this.”

“Notasub. Not anymore.Hissub.” Seb drew their fingers over the scars on the inside of their leg.

“Shit.” Skrit gave up on her pushing and her teasing. That had been a word of suspended acceptance at some great cost. It didn’t make any sense to me, but it hadn’t really been my place to understand. I’d wanted to be around for Seb’s explanation when they’d promised it to Skrit, but even though I’d failed to ask and ended up in the middle of it anyway, I was only a bystander. I really shouldn’t have been around for any of it. If it hadn’t been for both of them looking at me in different points of the conversation, I’d have thought they’d both forgotten I was there.

Seb shifted back until they were laying over the bed, arms propped under their head. “You don’t need to wait with me. Gabe told Mal to stay, too, but I think you’ll need Mal to get any service. Bring us back some food, Skrit. To fuck with hoping they’re hungry enough to go out again when they get back. I’m fucking starving.”

Skrit poked them in a fat roll on their side. “Yeah, so starving.”

Seb didn’t react. “I weigh more than you two combined and that’s before the armor I wear and the pack I haul. It takes a lot of energy for me to exist. Yeah, I’m starving.” They sniffed. “Please, Skrit?”

“I don’t want to go,” I mumbled.

Seb slapped me gently with their tail. “You need to go. She’s a goblin, Mal. You think the racism we experience is bad?” Seb nudged Skrit with their knee. “And you need to go so that Mal doesn’t get lost.”

Skrit rolled her eyes and jumped down from the bed. “Fine. Since you asked so nicely, you big bitch. Come on, Mal.”

I grumbled, but slithered off the bed to grab a couple pieces of gold from Seb’s bag. Wyst had the bag we used for smaller amounts of money, but my hands would do well enough if I was only to be around to keep people from attacking Skrit for existing.

[kifu]

A quick little idea I wanted to put some words to. Takes place vaguely after a piece I haven't fully written yet, but really later in the full group's travels.

Master List

“Okay.” Wyst scoured over a map with a finger held over her lips and her eyebrows pulled together in intense concentration. Gabe stood opposite her, watching her as she worked through a solution to the problem only the two of them understood. A wizards’ problem was best left to the wizards, even if Alice remained by Wyst’s side like a permanent shadow. “Our best bet is to head west.” She removed her hand from her face and gestured vaguely at a point on the map. “We shouldn’t have a problem at all over here.”

“That’s not going to work,” Gabe mumbled slowly.

“No.” Seb stood stooped across camp bullshitting with Skrit, but stopped what they were doing to butt in. Gabe winced, immediately tensing.

Wyst’s attention immediately snapped across to them. “‘No’?” Wyst repeated. “What do you mean no?”

Seb straightened up. “I mean no,” they replied tersely. Skrit crossed her arms and rolled her eyes, scooting away from Seb when they completely disengaged from their shenanigans and got serious.

“What do you think gives you the – you can’t just say no, Sebazin,” Wyst snapped. “What’s your problem?”

“Wystralei,” Gabe said gently in an attempt to gain her attention back.

“No, this is ridiculous,” Wyst said to Gabe. She stalked across camp to confront Seb in their space. Seb watched her approach with harsh eyes. “I’m tired of catering to your stupid whims. What’s the reason this time?”

“Wystralei,” Gabe repeated a little more insistently. He went ignored.

“Fuck off,” Seb spat down at Wyst.

Wyst poked a finger into their chest. “You volatile, selfish piece of work. Do you realize how often you inconvenience us? What is the point of bending to you?”

“I won’t go west,” Seb said with narrowed eyes. “Go if you wish, but I’m not coming. Who’s going to be your hit sink without me?”

“Wystralei. Sebazin,” Gabe tried again, his voice approaching exasperated.

“You think these three will go with you if I stay behind?” Seb asked a little more cruelly, gesturing at me and Skrit. Gabe’s inclusion was inherent. “Is that worth going west, Wystralei?”

“I’m sticking with the big guy,” Skrit supplied casually with a shrug.

“Skrit,” Gabe begged. “We’re not splitting up. We’re not going west. There are other ways.”

“Less convenient ways,” Wyst added.

“It’s okay,” Gabe insisted. “I don’t want to go that way, either, okay?”

Wyst turned her back on Seb, trusting them to hold back. They always did. They never touched her, no matter how angry they got. “Coming to Sebazin’s defense, Gabe?”

“Look, we have the rest of the continent at our disposal. We’ll find a way. There isn’t enough to the west to justify -”

“Isn’t enough, Gabe?” Wyst asked incredulously. “Over half the population is to the west. The biggest cities are on the west coast.”

“Kind of the problem, don’t you think?” Seb scoffed.

Wyst cast them one more disgusted look before returning to Gabe and the map. “Fine. What else do you suggest?”

Gabe’s shoulders relaxed. He ran a hand over his forehead and then gestured at a new point on the map. “Here.” He launched into a full explanation, relevant only to him and Wyst.

Seb watched the two of them with residual frustration, shaking the head to rid themselves of it when Wyst didn’t turn back around to berate them. “Going to go for a walk,” they mumbled to Skrit, and then stalked off into the woods.

“Have fun freezing your tits off!” she called after them. It wasn’t that cold, Seb just failed to dress warmly. They didn’t care.

[kifu]

I've been sitting on half of this one for a while. I wanted a piece without Seb. They're still central to it, of course, but there's really no getting around that.

This is the turning point after Gabe's death.

Master List

“Malxir, we need to talk.” Wyst stood with her hand on her hip and her back clearly to Seb as they ran through their morning stretches. Alice waited at the edge of camp, fidgeting with nervous energy. She was involved in the “we”, too.

“Talk,” I said without bothering to get up. I was upright, but only sitting. The air was too chilly and the morning too young to justify climbing out of the warm bed roll yet.

“In private,” Wyst amended.” She pursed her lips.

“Why don’t you send Seb away?” Skrit suggested. “Like we don’t know what this is about anyway. ‘Oh no – Sebazin is acting like Sebazin and Mal isn’t a strong enough buffer for scared little Alice. If we bring this up in front of them, they’ll snap or hold a grudge for sure.’” She scoffed. “We all know you’re looking for a clean exit.”

Seb growled low in their throat, but didn’t have anything to contribute. They straightened up and left wordlessly, slinking off in the direction opposite of Alice. I heard their passing through the dry underbrush faintly, until the dormant forest swallowed them whole.

“There. Problem solved,” Skrit announced.

Wyst threw Skrit an unamused glance. “A little more tact would have been appreciated.”

“Why?” Skrit asked. She picked casually between her sharp teeth. “What is the point? It’s too much effort to save face when you’re leaving as soon as we reach the next town anyway. You were here for Gabe. Gabe’s dead. There isn’t a reason for you to stay.” Skrit looked to me. I knew what it meant. But I stayed for Seb. I’d promised Seb I wouldn’t leave them. I thought we could all stay together, but Seb had been so mean to them. Wyst was barely holding back from retaliation and head-on physical confrontation.

Wyst turned from Skrit, staring down at me. “Mal.”

“Seb knew you’d leave,” I muttered. Of course they did, if they actively orchestrated it. And I’d done nothing to stop their cruelty. I let them push Wyst and Alice away for me.

“They’re burning and taking everyone down with them. We need to save ourselves.” Wyst wasn’t into the battles like Seb. Their goals had always been just short of incompatible.

“I’m not leaving them,” I said firmly. I held Wyst’s eyes. I followed her for so long because I needed to, but I loved Seb. The obligation I’d once had to Wyst paled to that.

“You’re sleeping with them again,” Wyst accused with no little hurt.

It gave me a second of pause. “So?”

“Do you think that’s smart?” Wyst demanded. “Do you think they really care about you? That they can care about you?”

“You’re sleeping with Seb?” Alice asked softly. She’d drifted closer until she almost stood beside Wyst. A mote of disgust plagued her face. I ignored her. I had to.

“You’re rebound, Mal,” Wyst continued. “Eventually, they’re going to treat you like they’re treating us.”

“You treat them like a monster,” I said. “Not a person.” I looked to Alice. “You ignore them and run away from them.” I turned back to Wyst. “You only treat them like an equal when it benefits you. Skrit’s always fighting with them and still has more respect for them that you do. So maybe we’re fucking, but that’s not why they’re being nice to me while they’re lashing out at you.”

“Have you ever been on this end of their temper?”

“Yes!” I nearly shouted. “Multiple times.”

“Seb hit her, Wyst,” Alice remembered. No matter how vitriolic their words, no matter how threatening Seb made themselves, they’d never touched Wyst, Alice, or Skrit in their rage. The beating they’d given me, blacked out beyond recognition, had been a special occasion.

“And you still defend them?” Wyst asked me.

“They loved Gabe,” I said. “They’d been together for fifteen years. They’re hurting, Wyst. They’re not handling it well. Why are you making it worse?”

“Is that what you think I’m doing? Mal, I’ve tried to offer them comfort. Do you know they wake up with nightmares? Sometimes they wake up crying now, without Gabe. They’re quiet enough about it they don’t wake you, but I don’t sleep like you do. Seb’s pushed me away every time I’ve tried to help, so now I get to hear them most nights while I keep the fire warm for you all to sleep. And when we’re all awake, they’re worse. I don’t care if they’re hurting anymore. I’m not putting up with it.”

“It’s dangerous of them,” Alice added. “More than they already are.”

I’d wanted so badly for it all to work out. For Seb and Wyst to figure out how to get along without Gabe to play intermediary. I could fulfill my obligation to Wyst. Get to keep Seb to myself. But Seb had manifested this outcome regardless. I’d ultimately let them. I told them how I felt. That I would give up my responsibility to Wyst to stay at their side. I really was going to give up Wyst to keep Seb.

I didn’t understand why they couldn’t get over their differences. They’d each come to each others’ aid enough over the couple of years we’d traveled together. Wyst wasn’t all that different from Gabe. She was physically affectionate where Gabe had been touch averse. She tended to insert into the middle of things where Gabe would correct after the consequences had been rendered. But they had been morally aligned. Their life goals had been nearly identical. Except Gabe had actively included Seb and their life into his, while Wyst fought Seb nearly every step. Seb’s existence had been their defining difference.

“You realize Seb’s not doing this by accident, right?” Skrit asked in the moment of silence. “You’re not what they need anymore. Just fucking leave. It’s what you all want.”

“What have they told you?” Wyst asked.

“Nothing. They’re pretty fucking transparent,” Skrit snickered. “They’re chasing you off. You’ve seen them do it to strangers before.”

“Are you going down with them?” Wyst asked Skrit.

Skrit shrugged. “I definitely don’t want to third wheel with them again. They’re not as bad with Mal, but they’re still fucking and I don’t like how comfortable Seb gets about it around others. But what else am I going to do? Go back to my temple and study books? That’s not how I serve my god.”

“Come with us?” Alice suggested. Wyst nodded her approval.

Skrit chuckled. “And leave Seb high and dry here?”

“If you wanted,” Wyst said. “I was going to wait until we made it out of the forest.”

“What are your plans?”

Wyst’s hand fell from her hip. “I might continue Gabe’s pursuits.” She looked to Alice. “Maybe we can find other druids for Alice to train with. I don’t know. Whatever we want, for a change.” Wyst had been fairly directionless before Gabe. Alice and I were worse.

“I-I’m okay,” Alice squeaked. “I’ve come this far without them.”

“We’ll see,” Skrit said.

“Mal, you’re coming with us,” Wyst said.

“No.”

“I can’t leave you behind with them.”

“You won’t be leaving me behind. I’m not going anywhere without Seb.”

“What do you see in them?” Seb asked sadly. “I’d have given you everything they’ve promised you, if you’d have let me.”

Alice crossed her arms.

I took a moment to process Wyst’s words. Did she mean -? “It’s not about what Seb’s promised. It’s about what they’ve done for me.”

“What?” Wyst barked. “Punched you? Strung you along for over two years? Used you over and over again? Gabe kept them in line, Mal. Even he feared Seb sometimes. You can’t do what Gabe did and you shouldn’t have to. You deserve someone that can care for you.”

Alice glanced sidelong at Skrit before pursing her lips at Wyst.

After three years, it finally made sense. “Like you?” I spat, staring petulantly up at Wyst.

Wyst grabbed for Alice’s hand. Missed, on account of them being tucked away in her arms. Alice’s perturbed expression didn’t drop, but she offered Wyst her hand with reluctance. “It’s a little late for that,” Wyst said.

“Wow. And they say lesbians are clueless,” Skrit snickered.

“They can’t love you, Mal,” Alice said softly. She relaxed into Wyst’s hand. “There’s something wrong with them.”

“Why do you think I’m stupid?” I glared between Wyst and Alice. “I don’t need them to love me. Why do you think so lowly of me that you think I haven’t figured out what Seb’s like after nearly three years?” I concentrated on Wyst. “Why do you think so poorly of Gabe’s choice in lover and partner of fifteen years? Skrit doesn’t have a problem with me and Seb together.”

“That’s not my problem to have,” Skrit said casually. “If you want to deal with their idiocy and temper, that’s all on you.” She scratched at her nose. “You know, I think I will join you two,” she said to Wyst. “I don’t think I want to be responsible for Seb anymore.”

“That’s what Seb wanted anyway,” I muttered.

“Oh, well, so long as Seb gets their way,” Skrit mocked. “They’re a fucking asshole.”

Wyst’s face contorted against tears. “I know Seb’s only half devil, but they still have your soul.” So that was how Wyst could tolerate the thought of Gabe with Seb? Seb controlled him until his dying day?

“You know I’m part devil, too,” I said defensively. It wasn’t fair to bring up blood when we didn’t have any options in the matter. The hells in my lineage only made my life more difficult. I didn’t get a choice in how I was born.

“Not nearly as much as Seb,” Skrit said. “You might look a little like a devil, but Seb -”

“The hells compel them,” Wyst murmured.

“Their eyes burn with fire,” Alice added.

I glared at Skrit. “You’re going to discriminate them for how they were born?” I demanded. “You?” She experienced enough malice for the way she looked. She should have been above it.

Skrit held up her hand. “I was just pointing out -” She sighed. “You’re right. It doesn’t matter if you’re more or less mixed than them. It doesn’t matter how much or how little devil you have in you. It doesn’t change you in any significant way.”

“Thanks,” I said softly. Skrit nodded to me.

“Seb’s blood lust?” Alice asked Skrit sharply.

“Not from their devil blood,” she said. “Are you going to start blaming my attitude on the fact I’m a goblin now?” Alice looked sheepishly away. “You’d be right, but not because my race is predisposed to be assholes. It’s from a lifetime of putting up with shit exactly like what you just put Seb and Mal through. Only Seb wasn’t here to experience it. You’re lucky Gabe always treated me fairly or I could start making generalizations of humans.”

“That’s enough,” Wyst said. She tugged lightly at Alice to bring her closer. “Skrit, when do you want to leave?” She looked sadly to me. “We’re not going to convince Mal the error of her ways, are we?”

Skrit snorted. “Especially not like that.”

“I promised Seb I’d stay with them,” I whispered. “I’m not leaving them. Especially not alone.” They couldn’t handle being alone. I couldn’t go back to feeling alone even with others around me, either.

“I think you’re going to regret that,” Wyst said. Whether she meant it ominously or not, that’s how it came across.

“We can leave now,” Skrit answered Wyst’s previous question almost cheerfully. “No point in drawing it out, right?”

I hugged my arms over my knees and rested my chin. I’d gone through with my promise to Seb, but it still hurt. We’d been a group for so long. I had thought it would be forever. Losing them shouldn’t hurt like it had losing Gabe, but Wyst and Alice were the first people I’d chosen in my life. Maybe it hadn’t been a perfect fit, but that had to account for something.

I watched them miserably from my seat on the ground as they packed together their things. It didn’t take them long. They had a brief discussion about their immediate goal, and they left without waiting for Seb.

“Good luck, Malxir,” Skrit said before she turned away.

The morning wasn’t getting any warmer. The fire had gone out some time during the night and no one had thought to remedy it. The woods were quiet except for the faint moaning of wind through trees.

I didn’t want to move. It was easier to feel sorry for myself for whatever reason. To feel the abandonment I’d brought down on myself. Without Seb there to offset the misery, it was too easy. I felt irrevocably alone. Seb’s armor and pack waited for them, but what if they never returned for it? Returned for me?

I let the tears come. The helplessness to permeate. Without them, I was nothing. I was nothing.