In my previous post I’ve been addressing those who benefit from the patriarchy, yet I feel like it’s necessary to address those who don’t benefit from the patriarchy, but continue to perpetuate it, either consciously or unconsciously. I’d like to reiterate that I speak from first hand experience. Having to face this every single day, I’ve picked up on how it’s been internalized by the muxeres in my family. I’ve also had conversations with other members of the community, and sharing how we experienced the internalized machismo.
1. Mothers need to stop teaching their daughters to clean the house because a ‘good’ womxn needs to know how to wash the dishes. Teach all of your children how to keep a clean household because nobody likes to live in a dump. Why does this have to be a gender associated trait? First of all, gender is a social construct.
2. Coddling your son until he is 32 years old, as if he was a 2 year old, at the expense of a daughters labor? That has to stop. Of course you can show affection to your children, but when you make your son his plate, wash his clothes, clean up after him, while in the same breath you tell your daughter, she can do all of the above herself; you’re only hurting everybody in this situation.
3. Querida Mama, when you teach your daughters to be sexually reserved, or maintain their purity, for the sake of their future ‘husband’ (heteronormative culture is odd). You are implying that our body does not belong to us, but rather the person we marry. Yet, at the same time, you encourage your son to date, and gain experience to be a ‘good’ husband.
By reinforcing the above, we take part in maintaining the patriarchy, and internalize machismo in our families. I know my mother was brought up this way, and has never been taught different. I can see how my sisters have separated from her way of thinking, and have influenced me to challenge some of my cultural ideals. I also see how my brothers have thrived in this system, and live by it. Only now, when they tell us to serve them, to be quiet, or to learn to be a ‘good’ womxn, we fight back. Sure, it causes tension, but day by day, I see their guard resolve, and understand that we deserve to be equal to them.
