When Lan Xichen wakes up in the middle of the night, he keeps his eyes closed. The sleeping rules of his Clan are too engrained in him normally, so something must be wrong for him to wake up before five in the morning.
He listens closely, but he can only hear the soft breathing from Jiang Cheng next to him in bed, and Lan Xichen relaxes.
But then Jiang Cheng starts to gently drag the tips of his fingers over Lan Xichen’s face and into his hair and Lan Xichen can just imagine how Jiang Cheng paints the way his eyes take. Lan Xichen doesn’t move, doesn’t want to disturb Jiang Cheng in his exploration, free in a way he rarely is when Lan Xichen is awake, and the soft motion lulls Lan Xichen to sleep again.
He almost drifted off completely, when Jiang Cheng finally stops and instead curls closer to Lan Xichen. He brings his arms around him, holding Lan Xichen tightly—almost too tightly—and rests his head on Lan Xichen’s chest, right over his heart.
Lan Xichen frowns slightly, because he can almost feel the desperation coming off Jiang Cheng and he doesn’t like it one bit, but he also can’t ask without blowing his cover.
So instead he adjusts slightly and presses his face into Jiang Cheng’s hair, hoping that this will soothe whatever worries he has.
~*~*~
After that night, Lan Xichen pays a little bit more attention to Jiang Cheng. It’s not that he didn’t pay attention to him before, but now he specifically looks for the small things.
And it doesn’t take a lot of looking for him to notice something.
Lan Xichen doubts he would have noticed it at all, if he wasn’t already so sure that something was wrong, but now that he looks for it, it’s easy to see.
How Jiang Cheng clings to him harder than normally, like he fears Lan Xichen will slip through his fingers. How his face falls when Lan Xichen turns away from him, like he doesn’t believe Lan Xichen will come back to him. How he doesn’t like to say “I love you” especially in front of an audience, like he fears Lan Xichen won’t say it back.
But it happens outside of their relationship as well.
Every time Wei Wuxian bounds over to Lan Wangji, something in Jiang Cheng’s face falls. Every time Jin Ling snipes something at him, Jiang Cheng’s hands tremble in fear.
And every time Lan Xichen notices something like this, his heart thumps painfully in his chest.
He has thought he made it clear that he loves Jiang Cheng, but maybe he isn’t doing enough. Maybe they all aren’t doing enough.
Lan Xichen has to think about that for a few days, because he doesn’t know how else to communicate to Jiang Cheng that he’s here to stay, because he was the one who started the courtship and he already moved into Lotus Pier, permanently handing the duties as Sect Leader over to his uncle, who will pass them to Lan Jingyi once he’s ready, and he tells Jiang Cheng he loves him at almost every opportunity.
But maybe it isn’t enough.
And there is only one more thing Lan Xichen can offer him.
“Jiang Cheng,” he calls for his partner and now that Lan Xichen knows to look for it, he can see the slight tension in Jiang Cheng’s shoulders.
Like he expects Lan Xichen to tell him that he’s leaving.
Well, he’s in for a surprise, then, because Lan Xichen intends to do the exact opposite.
“What?” Jiang Cheng asks, trepidation clear in his voice, even though he snaps the question out like he normally does and Lan Xichen reaches for his hand, before he guides it up to his forehead.
Jiang Cheng curls his fingers inwards, and tries to jerk back, but Lan Xichen won’t let him.
“Xichen,” Jiang Cheng chokes out and his voice is panicked enough that Lan Xichen does let go of him. “What are you doing?”
“I’m trying to do something here,” Lan Xichen gives back and when it becomes clear that Jiang Cheng won’t reach for the forehead ribbon, Lan Xichen reaches up to undo it himself.
“It’s for family and spouses only,” Jiang Cheng presses out when Lan Xichen offers it to him and Lan Xichen pulls him closer until he can rest their foreheads together.
“And I’m trying to make you one,” Lan Xichen gently tells him and he can feel how Jiang Cheng trembles against him.
“Make me what?” Jiang Cheng asks, like Lan Xichen’s actions need any verbal confirmation, but Lan Xichen simply gives him a short kiss before he tells him.
“I’m trying to make you a spouse, my heart. I’m asking you if you will marry me. If you’ll do me the honour of becoming my cultivation partner.”
Jiang Cheng is silent for an almost worryingly long time, but he doesn’t move away from Lan Xichen, so it must be a good sign.
“Do you really mean it?” Jiang Cheng asks and he hesitantly reaches for the ribbon, which Lan Xichen offers again without hesitation.
“Of course I mean it, my heart,” Lan Xichen immediately tells him.
“You really want that?”
“There is nothing I want more,” Lan Xichen reassures him and it’s almost not even a lie.
The only thing he wants more is for Jiang Cheng to believe that he’s going to stay, but getting married is a big part of that, Lan Xichen is sure.
Still, Jiang Cheng hesitates, his fingers just barely not grazing the forehead ribbon, and Lan Xichen patiently waits him out.
In the end, Jiang Cheng does reach for it and Lan Xichen smiles at him, happier than he could ever put into words.
“I accept your proposal,” Jiang Cheng says, though him holding the ribbon is already answer enough, and Lan Xichen tugs him in for a kiss.
He hopes this will put Jiang Cheng at ease.
~*~*~
Jiang Cheng continues to be skittish until their marriage day, like he believes Lan Xichen was under a spell and will wake up any second now to take it all back.
Most of the days he desperately clings to the forehead ribbon as if holding on to it tight will also keep Lan Xichen at his side.
It breaks Lan Xichen’s heart to see that he is still not fully believing that Lan Xichen is going to stay, but it just means he’ll have to do even better after the wedding.
It’s put together rather quickly and only a few people are invited; Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian of course, as well as Jin Ling.
Lan Xichen wanted to invite Lan Qiren as well, but his uncle gave them his blessings already, and opted to stay in the Cloud Recesses.
So it’s a small gathering, when Lan Xichen and Jiang Cheng complete the three bows, but it’s all the family they need anyway.
Lan Xichen can’t tear his eyes away from Jiang Cheng; he looks radiant in red and Lan Xichen is happier than he can put into words.
Jiang Cheng too, seems more relaxed and at ease than he has in some time and it makes Lan Xichen love him even more.
They complete the three bows in silence, the last one to each other, and when it’s done Lan Xichen catches Jiang Cheng’s hands in his.
“Husband,” he starts and enjoys the way Jiang Cheng blushes at that. “Will you now please believe that I won’t leave you?” Lan Xichen asks him, voice low so as to not alert the others to this, but he realizes it’s a futile effort when Jiang Cheng’s eyes fill with tears.
“What?” he croaks out and Lan Xichen leans close to kiss the tears right from his eyes.
“I know you still believe I will leave you. Can you now trust that I won’t?”
“Is this why you married me?” Jiang Cheng asks, and Lan Xichen smiles helplessly at Jiang Cheng.
“I married you because you are my heart, and my love, and the most important person in my life. From the moment I proposed a courtship I never wanted to be parted from you, but you didn’t trust it, did you?” Lan Xichen gently asks him and Jiang Cheng shakes his head in answer.
“I know, my love,” Lan Xichen soothes him when new tears spill over. “But now only the Gods can separate us, and even then I won’t let them. I always wanted to be yours, just like I wanted you to be mine, and now that I have you, I’m never going to let go of you again. Will you believe me, my heart?” Lan Xichen asks him and Jiang Cheng falls into him, now freely crying.
Lan Xichen holds him, and he’s relieved to find that Jiang Cheng isn’t clutching to him with the desperation he so normally wears close under his skin. This time, Jiang Cheng is simply resting against Lan Xichen, trusting him to stay and be close and Lan Xichen has no intention of ever betraying that trust.
“Everyone always left,” Jiang Cheng whispers, careful to net let Wei Wuxian hear, and Lan Xichen presses a lingering kiss to his head.
“Everyone except Jin Ling,” Lan Xichen reminds him. “Everyone except me,” he then goes on and Jiang Cheng shudders in his arms.
“Jin Ling will leave eventually as well,” Jiang Cheng mutters and before Lan Xichen can tell him how stupid that is, someone crashes into their side.
“Like hell I will,” Jin Ling decidedly says and hugs them both. “You’re my favourite uncle, and the only father I ever knew, and like hell will you get rid of me,” Jin Ling tells Jiang Cheng who turns slightly in Lan Xichen’s arms and drags Jin Ling further into this hug.
It isn’t long before Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian step closer as well, not outright joining the hug, but simply letting them know they are there as well, by a hand to their respective brother’s shoulders and it’s a long time before they all untangle each other.
Jiang Cheng still has tear tracks on his face—and Lan Xichen is sure he does too—but he is smiling at them and he looks unburdened in a way Lan Xichen has never seen before.
“I love you so damn much,” Jiang Cheng mutters and leans in to brush a kiss over Lan Xichen’s lips, much to Jin Ling’s clear disgust.
“I should hope so, husband,” Lan Xichen says with a smile and Jin Ling mimes gagging, but he doesn’t let go of Jiang Cheng.
“Because I love you a whole lot, too,” Lan Xichen goes on and now Jin Ling does move away.
“Ew,” he says as he stands up. “I heard there would be food,” he then says and Jiang Cheng shakes his head at him.
“Behave, brat, or you’ll go hungry.”
“You wish, old man,” Jin Ling snipes back and drags Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian off to the hall, where indeed a feast has been prepared.
“He loves you,” Lan Xichen lowly tells Jiang Cheng, just in case he still has doubts. “And he won’t leave you.”
“Like you?” Jiang Cheng asks, but he’s smiling as he voices the question.
“Like me,” Lan Xichen agrees and pulls Jiang Cheng up so they can join their family in the hall.
He knows it will likely still take some time for Jiang Cheng to fully believe it, and to completely let go of his fear, but Lan Xichen has hope.
Characters: Lan Xichen, Jin Guangyao, Nie Mingjue, Lan Wangji, Wei Wuxian
Tags: Post Canon, Character Study, Seclusion, Depression, Hallucinations, Past Relationships, Angst With a Happy Ending (I swear to god I just want him to be happy okay)
Summary: Weeks, months, perhaps years after having ended the life of one of his sworn brothers, after burying both for good, living in self-imposed seclusion, Lan Xichen is being haunted. The passage of time blurs before his eyes, and the faces of those he loved plague his dreams and waking hours alike. The long and arduous journey towards some sort of redemption, some semblance of forgiveness, starts out deceptively simple - his brother knocks on his door.
Chapter I | Chapter II | Chapter III | Chapter IV | Chapter V | Chapter VI | Chapter VII
