→ summary: Damn right, you peaked in high school. It’s true, seven years later, things just aren’t the same between you and Jimin. And you know exactly why. One teensy weensy problem though: ᴶⁱᵐⁱⁿ ᵈᵒᵉˢⁿ'ᵗ ᵏⁿᵒʷ.
→ warnings: profanity (because yn and jimin smfh), implied sex, dirty jokes, a healthy dose of kissing, depictions of suicide attempts, depression and infidelity, also a lot of yelling :((
→ summary: Damn right, you peaked in high school. It’s true, seven years later, things just aren’t the same between you and Jimin. And you know exactly why. One teensy weensy problem though: ᴶⁱᵐⁱⁿ ᵈᵒᵉˢⁿ'ᵗ ᵏⁿᵒʷ.
→ warnings: profanity, dirty jokes, implied sex, making out, slight mentions of overdosing
→ wordcount: 4.7k
It's a typical morning.
His coffee in his Wattbucks thermos sits slanted on his wooden podium, and the screen behind him is illuminated with PowerPoint slides filled with numbers, expressions and equations.
It's a typical lecture day. At the typical university. In the typical classroom. With the typi—
Ding!
Stopping his lecture mid-sentence, Jimin announces an apology to his students as he quick-as-lightning fishes out his phone. A worried frown is etched on his face. His hands fumble to turn the screen upright.
Thank god.
It's a text from you.
My Light: what do u want for dinner?
Momentarily, Jimin forgets he's in a classroom full of horny young adults where he should probably keep things PG.
Jimin: You (;
My Light: lmao u & me both
My Light: but thEn aGaIn u pErV wE JUST did it last night
Jimin's about to furiously text back a slightly sexual and snarky reply when he realizes he's in a classroom. His peripheral vision is filled with innocent students staring curiously at him. Oh good god. He flushes a shade of tomato red as if his phone screen had been broadcasted around the whole university.
"Sorry, my girlfriend had a bit of an emergency." The lie falls off his tongue suspiciously easily. And with the mention of a girlfriend, it takes a moment for his female students to settle down from their childish chortling.
"Dammit. I thought he was single."
"He's your professor, Bertha."
"I know, I know... Is it bad to dream of such things?"
"Bertha, please."
"Oh, shut up, Helga. You just want him for yourself."
"Bitch, please. He's taken!"
"Ahem, guys, settle down. Now, where were we?"
Normally, Jimin would pause his lecture for a little while longer just to see what his students had to gossip about. But today, he feels extra productive. Maybe because he might get his favorite for dinner. You.
"Hey." You greet your boyfriend from your spot on the couch, snug around an avalanche of blankets and pillows. "Want fried chicken for dinner?" Your eyes are glued on the television as Jimin comes over to kiss your cheek.
"Whatever's fine if I can get you for dessert," he purrs in your ear. Jimin's eyes shift over to the dinner table where a box of fried chicken already sits patiently. "Hey, you already ordered it!"
You nod, finally looking over at your boyfriend with a pout on your face. "I kinda got hungry... I'm sorry!" you squeak, looking guilty. "I'll make it up for you. Why don't you get washed up, and I'll pour us some wine?"
"Sounds good, Y/N!" Jimin grins, loosening his tie before flying upstairs to your shared bedroom. You chuckle at his excitement as you heave away your cozy companions to make your way to the kitchen. It's always been quite obvious that Jimin loves to spend all of his downtimes with you, although it isn't much. A simple dinner with wine is enough to make his week.
If only you can fucking remember where you put the wine glasses.
You clumsily open cabinet after cabinet only to be faced with plain dishes and ceramic cereal bowls. Finally, finally, when you catch sight of your favorite crystal wine glasses, you nearly squeal in joy. Except a certain realization hits you like the city bus. You're too fucking short to reach them.
Curse Jimin for putting these away last time.
But you're not one to lose due to your height. Instead, you heave yourself up on the marble counter, balancing on your wobbly knees as you reach for the glasses. You grasp the skinny stems, screaming victory! in your head, as you then try to climb down.
Except you kinda forgot Jin had come over a few days ago and had cleaned every fucking corner and crevice of your shared home with Jimin. Which means he also waxed the counter, which means it was hella slippery.
And slip you did.
"W-Woah!" you yell, throwing your hands to catch whatever material that they could grasp. Luckily, you're able to balance yourself, but the wine glasses aren't as fortunate. They crash onto the stone floor, creating an earsplitting shatter that makes you cringe and look away. The glass shards stretch from the kitchen all the way to the living room. What's left of the delicate, ornate design stares sadly back at you.
Frustration surges through your veins. You had just wanted to have a nice wine night with Jimin, to laugh a bit after a long day of work. It just wasn't fucking fair. How were you going to get down on this counter now? You're barefoot and the ground is a battlezone just asking to pierce through your feet. You don't want to imagine the look on Jimin's face when he comes down to relax with you but instead has to clean up a foolish mess. Why can't I do anything right?
Another look at the demolished crystal glasses makes you angry. At yourself.
"Goddammit!" You run a vexed hand through your hair. "Oh my GOD, I wanna die!"
"Y/N?!" Jimin shrieks from upstairs.
"No! Wait, no, I'm fine! Take your time!" you yell, hitting your forehead repeatedly with your hand. "Stupid, stupid, Y/N! Stop blurting out random shit!"
But before you know it, Jimin's practically leaping downstairs screaming, "Y/N? ARE YOU OKAY?!" He skids to a stop as soon as he sees the glass disaster.
"No, I'm fine. I'm fine," you mutter, sitting helplessly on the counter. "I just... Well, we have to drink our wine from our mugs now."
Jimin laughs, running a hand through his hair. "God, I really thought something happened. I heard something shatter... you screaming... and I just—"
"I'm sorry..." You look awkwardly around yourself. "Okay, I'd go and hug you right now, but I'm kinda stuck here."
Jimin chuckles softly. "Hey, you're good. Wine in mug cups sounds great. Totally classy. I'll help you clean up, alright? But just please don't use that phrase again..."
You lower your head. "Yeah... Sorry, it slipped from my mind. I won't."
"Are you guys really eating fried chicken for dinner?" Jin huffs as he sets his leather satchel down on the floor. "And... drinking wine from mugs? I'm really starting to question your lifestyle."
"Hi to you too, Jin," you snort, stuffing another drumstick in your mouth.
"How was the playmaking?" Jimin asks with his mouth full.
"Long." Jin pulls out a chair and grabs a chicken wing. "Speaking of long... Remind me to never open the third drawer of your bedroom cabinet again." He shudders. "I have seen things a cousin should never see."
You flush as Jimin nearly chokes on his wine.
"That's what you get for cleaning a house that's not yours," you mumble, sipping the wine to hide your face with the mug.
"Well, I'm sorry you two are so passionate about baby-making," Jin spits right back, crossing his legs and folding his hands. He looks so proud of his comeback. "Especially baby-making with acquired gadgets."
Your eyes enlarge and you quickly duck your head into your mug again.
"Don't you want us to get married already?" Jimin snorts.
Your eyes grow even more if that was even possible. Marriage?????
"Oh no, Jimin. Isn't it too early?"
"Y/N, it's been 7 years."
"But it could be 8?"
"Alright, alright!" Jin interrupts. "Discuss this on your own time. I didn't come here to eavesdrop about future plans."
"Yeah you came here to borrow our sex toys," you mutter under your breath. Next to you, Jimin nearly spits out his wine.
"What was that?"
"Oh, nothing." You smile convincingly. "I just said you came here to check up on us!"
You've gotten better at lying over the years.
Your relationship with Jimin has had its ups and downs. Some years were full of daily doses of morning kisses, afternoon dates and late-night sex (on the beach if you got lucky).
But some years were dry. When work decided to release all havoc on you, you'd come home stressed; sometimes Jimin would solace you, sometimes he wouldn't, depending on how stressed he was. Those were the worst times. Neither had enough energy to shower the other with affection nor did you feel the particular need for it.
This year has been fairly mundane. Not amazing, not horrible but pretty neutral. It was surely better than the dip in your relationship that had happened three years prior, but certainly not on par with the pure love you felt for him in your senior year of high school.
But dates were slightly more frequent these days, and Jimin was actively asking you questions about work.
Maybe a bit too many questions.
"Really? So what did Hyori say?" Jimin asks, staring intently into your eyes as you try to slice your steak.
"I dunno," you mutter as you rearrange the linen napkin on your lap for the hundredth time. It was one thing to answer simply work questions, but you didn't enjoy anyone intruding on your work gossip. It was called work gossip for a reason, it was meant to stay in the office.
"Oh." Your boyfriend chews on his piece of asparagus. "But do you like your office members?"
"They're alright."
"That's good."
Silence. Well, not exactly silence. You can still hear your thoughtful chewing and Jimin sipping his wine.
"Careful with that," you warn, nodding towards the deep purple shade of alcohol. "You're driving home tonight."
"I know." Jimin sighs, fiddling with the silver set of silverware splayed neatly before him. "Are you sure you're okay with your office? What about Hyori? Is she giving you a hard time again?"
"I'm fine, I'm fine," you say, brushing off the topic with the sweep of your hand. "You don't have to worry so much."
"I'm sorry... it's just... It's hard to watch you be stressed about work." Jimin leans across the table, reaching for your hand. You give it to him to hold, yet a frown forms on your face. "You can tell me everything, you know."
"But I'm not stressed about work," you protest as Jimin softly squeezes your hand. "Jimin I'm really fine, you don't have to be concerned about my wellbeing."
"I know, Y/N," he says, eyes flickering up to meet yours for a split second. "But you should understand why I worry so much."
You sigh. "I know... I do get it, Jimin. It's just that—"
"Would you like some dessert today?" the waitress interrupts in a chipper voice, making a show of the aureate menu in her hands.
"Oh, n—"
"Yes, please," Jimin answers before you can reject. "Crème brûlée okay?"
Although you're not exactly a fan, you nod.
"Two crème brûlées, please," your boyfriend tells the waitress, his perennial smile stretched across his face. As soon as she leaves, he turns back to you, grabbing your outstretched hand once more. "Really, Y/N. Don't keep any secrets from me; you can trust that I'll always support you."
You nod, looking down at the linen napkin on your lap. "Alright."
Jimin nods, giving you a small smile before letting your hand go. "Aw, Y/N, look at that table," he whispers urgently. "They're adorable."
You look up to see three children running around their table, two boys and a younger-looking girl in a floofy dress. They're chasing each other, shrieking quietly as their parents stare at them adoringly. Cute, you think. But the thought dissolves quickly when you realize what Jimin was trying to hint.
"Children?" you ask, bewildered.
Jimin chuckles, nodding. "I mean, we're going to get married sooner or later, right? It's time we discuss our future a bit more." He watches you nervously gulp down your glass of ice water. "We can't keep dating forever."
"B-But..." You sweat nervously, palms clammy and your throat becoming dry. "I'm not ready."
Your boyfriend sighs, running a hand through his hair. "Y/N... How much longer are you going to make me wait? I want this relationship to progress, you know?"
"I don't... I mean, it is progressing!" you protest. Upon Jimin's look, you sigh. "Okay, maybe not noticeably progressing..."
"No, don't you see?" Jimin sighs. "Our relationship's been stagnant, and if I do say so for the worst, it's been going downhill."
It's like something impaled you, especially when you thought your relationship's been going fine these days. "What do you mean, going downhill?" you accuse, voice rising.
"I dunno... We don't have that, that spark, you know? I don't know much that's going on in your life. I want to be involved!" Jimin quickly explains, hands fidgeting nervously.
"And you think marriage is going to solve that problem?"
"Yeah, well, no," Jimin replies, running a frustrated hand through his hair. "It's not going to solve the problem... but it could help."
You shake your head. "It's a binding contract, Jimin. We're putting so much at risk."
"What? What are we putting at risk, huh? It's been seven years, Y/N. If we go any longer, I'm afraid we'll lose everything we have!"
"But what do we have?!" you yell, brows furrowing and head spinning with unorganized thoughts.
"Everything I thought I could never have!" Jimin yells back, standing up from his seat and essentially towering over you. "We have so much, alright?! And it's gonna go away if we don't act upon it!"
You stand up as well, voice rising even more. "How are you so sure, huh?"
Jimin's about to fire back a reply but the waitress comes, placing two crème brûlées before both of you. Awkwardly, you slide back into your seat, looking around to see if anyone had been witnessing the small fight. If they had, they weren't focusing on you now.
It's like the argument had sucked up all your energy. Without another word, you gulp down your glass of water, digging into your unpreferred dessert, not once looking at your boyfriend. The sugar stings your tongue.
Just like that, it's silent for a while.
But you can't ignore the guilt creeping up on you. Tonight was supposed to be a long-awaited date night. A time to spend with Jimin, to laugh, smile and be happy; instead, you're stuck feeling frustrated, angry and stressed from a dumb argument.
"I'm sorry..." you whisper, still looking down at your empty dessert dish. "Jimin, I—"
"It's fine." Your boyfriend sighs deeply, massaging his forehead. "I don't want to rush you when you're not ready. I'm sorry too."
You nod, biting at your lip. "We'll figure things out."
"Yeah..."
But the guilt eats you away for the rest of the night. The argument was officially resolved, yet you felt so stuck. You feel selfish for not wanting the same things as Jimin, and you feel like you're holding him down when he should be progressing.
You want your relationship with him to grow stronger. But it's almost as if you can't let it.
Arguments are inevitable; you know that for sure, from first-hand experience and all. But you also know you wouldn't have arguments if you didn't have feelings for each other. One has the affinity to argue with someone they care about, at least, that's what you like to tell yourself.
Yet it's not the arguments that matter. You also remind yourself that it's even more important to dissolve the arguments with no grudges left behind. It's something you're practicing with Jimin especially.
"Y/N, I'm not letting you take that to work," Jimin calls from the bedroom as you try to brush the knots out of your morning hair.
"Why not?" you call back, rolling your eyes. The right side of your head throbs painfully as if two giant hands were mercilessly wringing hypothetical fluid out of it. You momentarily shut your eyes to steady your balance, breathing in deeply before yelling, "I need it, Jimin!"
You hear a deep sigh and a grunt, assuming your boyfriend was getting out of bed. He saunters into the bathroom, rubbing his eyes and yawning. Normally, his tousled, bedroom hair and deep morning voice would send you to the heavens, but today, you were annoyed.
"You need to learn to cope with pain without painkillers," he says gruffly, stifling another yawn.
"Well, you don't understand how bad my migraines get," you argue, massaging your forehead. "I only want to bring the bottle for today. Just one day, Jimin."
"No." Your boyfriend runs his hand through his hair. "You can't. You can take a pill now if it hurts that much, but you can't bring the bottle with you to work."
You want to scream in frustration. "Okay, listen, Jimin, I know you're only like this because I've... Just trust me, I'm fine now." You'd say anything at this point to get a painkiller in your hands. Your migraines are notoriously frequent and quite deadly.
"I... I want to trust you, Y/N... but you need to understand that given the circumstances right now, I can't," Jimin says calmly, placing a hand on your arm. "Please, listen to me."
"Given what circumstances?" you mutter, rubbing your aching head. "What you're thinking about was three years ago, Jimin. I told you, I'm fine." With that, you make a grab for the bottle of painkillers, only to have your boyfriend grasp your arm tightly, preventing you from ever reaching the pills.
"Y/N..." Jimin stares deeply into your eyes, brows crinkled in worry. Without another word, he tugs you in for a hug, rubbing warm circles on the small of your back. Normally, physical contact and migraines don't go well together, but with Jimin and his embrace, you'd make an exception. He holds you close to his heart, literally and figuratively, rocking your bodies back and forth as he holds you tight but not too tight. Your head still throbs in one corner but at least you're in the warmth of your boyfriend's arms.
Seconds merge into minutes as your migraine starts to fade into a light pounding, no longer something that felt like it was life-threatening. Huh. Maybe you won't need that whole bottle, after all. Just one pill might do the trick.
As if sensing your distress flutter away, Jimin leaves a final kiss on the top of your head and pulls away. He holds both of your hands in his, still keeping you an arm's length away as he smiles warmly. "I'm sorry."
And for some reason, you sense that it's not just an apology for today's argument, but it's an apology for all the arguments you two had had in just the past few days. With those two words, you feel happier than you've been in several weeks.
You're not one who likes to apologize. But when you do, you mean it. Tugging Jimin in for another hug, you whisper a soft, "I'm sorry too."
Seven years of dating has taught you a lot; arguments are inevitable, if one happens, don't agonize over it, resolve it. It's funny though. You'd think the more you argue, the easier it becomes to resolve it—it's not. Or maybe you're too sensitive.
Jimin hugs you back, resting his chin on your head as he rocks you back and forth. "Let's go on a date today," he whispers, breath slightly tickling your ear. "We deserve it. I won't ask any questions about work. It'll just be us, our heart-shaped lattes, mini cake and math problems."
You smile, nearly melting against Jimin's warm chest. "Math, food and you?" you giggle, "sounds like a brilliant plan."
You'd always grown up thinking life would unfold itself once you reached a certain point, that you wouldn't feel pain, stress or even sense mundaneness anymore. False. People weren't fucking lying when they said life's a goddamn roller coaster start to finish. Some days are so boring you could honestly pull out all the hair from your head one strand by another. Some days are so busy, so stressful and painful that you don't even have the time to gather your thoughts, much less your breath.
Apparently, that's the beauty of life. Unpredictability is indeed attractive. Especially when you return to a dimly lit home, candles littered everywhere and your boyfriend waiting for you with open arms next to an aromatic meal.
"Surprise," he whispers, eyes twinkling and a warm smile playing on his smooth lips. "Still hate surprises?"
"J-Jiminie... I-" You're unable to speak, eyes taking in the food, the candles... him. "You spent so much time..."
"Nah," Jimin laughs, shaking his head. "I was only grading papers most of the night. I whipped this up in a few minutes." He shrugs, nonchalantly. "In fact, I should apologize in advance for my clumsy haste."
You roll your eyes, giggling as you rush over, hugging Jimin with full force. He takes you tightly in his arms, a charming laugh leaving his beautiful lips as he spins you around in circles. It's like a scene from your typical Wattywood romance film.
"I don't deserve you," you whisper as Jimin settles you down, his warm hands secured around your waist. "I can't believe you did this for me... I thought you wouldn't be home tonight."
Your boyfriend chuckles, kissing your forehead slightly. "But you deserve a lot, Y/N," he breathes, resting his chin at the top of your head. "Besides, I'm never leaving you home alone again, not since—"
"I know, I know..." you interrupt quickly. "Anyways, what's for dinner?"
"Would you kill me if I told you fried chicken? Only with drumsticks 'cause that's all you eat, anyway."
You snort, snuggling your face against Jimin's broad chest. "I wouldn't care so much if you tell me I get to have you after."
Though you can't see it, you can tell Jimin's grinning wildly. It's been a while since the two of you had been able to indulge in any sexual activities, much less confess your love for each other.
"You know, Wattflix & Chill doesn't sound so bad at the moment. I wouldn't mind if we skipped dinner," you mumble, smirking, "and go straight to dessert."
Jimin hums, pulling apart from you to grin. "Dessert? Don't mind if I do," he snorts, tugging you back onto his arms to meet his waiting lips. It's been a while since he's done that.
You soon find yourselves on the couch, lips suckling each other's as heavy pants echo in the room. Jimin kisses the corner of your mouth, chuckling as you release a small moan, wordlessly whining for more of his touch. He watches the way you arch your back from underneath him and the way you grip the hem of his shirt as if you want it off immediately.
Your eyes are closed as you lean towards Jimin's touch. You're gasping for breath as he starts to leave lingering kisses trailing down your body. Clothing had become optional at this point.
It's such a sight to see your boyfriend like this, naked, a bit red in the face and softly grunting above you. It's also been a while since you've seen that euphoric face he makes when he orgasms. His face contorts, eyes screwed shut, red, plush lips pulling apart as he breathes out your name. You've missed the way he continues his endeavors until you've had your own release because sex is a 'goddamn two-way street' as he puts it.
Jimin sighs, his warm breath tickling your ear as he nearly collapses on top of you, his face hidden in the crook of your rather sweaty neck. "Dammit," he curses, chuckling as he lifts himself from you.
You cock your head, smiling lazily and a bit tiredly. "What?"
"We can't have Wattflix & Chill if we never turned on Wattflix!" He sounds actually distressed as if he had been looking forward to having sex with you while The Office blared in the background.
You laugh at that. A genuine, loud laugh that you know Jimin enjoys hearing. "Next time, you know?" You tug Jimin back onto you as he makes a move to tug you into his warm arms. Your legs slowly intertwine and he moves to hold your hands. "Let's stay like this for a while?"
He nods, leaving a chaste kiss on your cheek. "As much as I would like a shower, this is probably much better."
"Mhm..." you hum, burying your face into his bare chest. "I love you, Jimin."
"You and me both, Y/N."
It's been a while since you've both said that.
Wattbucks is the place. You're pretty sure you and Jimin are three-quarters of their profit at this point. Usually, the two of you go together to get those heart-shaped lattes and free couple's mini cake. But today, you're here to pick up some drinks because Jimin told you he had a surprise waiting for you back home when you were at work. And you didn't want to go home empty-handed without a surprise for your boyfriend yourself.
You reach the counter of the place, ready to pick up your order when you see him. Him.
Your heart drops and you feel sick to the stomach. If you had felt elated about surprising Jimin and in turn, his surprise for you, it was all gone now. Replaced with a jumble of fear, regret, sadness. But those emotions are replaced with another thought: I can't let him see me.
You've never grabbed your to-go drinks as fast as this. At the moment, the chance of spilling the drinks from maltreatment is the last thing on your mind. Looking down at the floor to hide your face, you make a beeline towards the exit.
You're so close. Your hand reaches out to push the door open, when:
"Y/N?"
Panic erupts in your chest. He'd seen you.
"Y/N!"
The panic releases all havoc in you. God, you don't even want to admit it, but somewhere inside of you... missed that voice.
"Y/N! Hey!"
Before your knees buckle and you fall to the ground, you gather your senses and continue your exit, never once looking back.
You're still slightly breathless when you practically tumble into the safety of your home. Jimin's waiting for you, the biggest grin on his face as he's quickly by your side, taking the drinks from you.
"Y/N, you didn't have to!" He laughs, kissing you lightly as he leads you to the dinner table. "I thought I would be the only one doing the surprising here!"
You can't help but giggle, already feeling better from the encounter before. "Surprises are a two-way street."
Jimin snorts, shaking his head. "I swear I've heard that before... somewhere." He mocks confusion as he thinks long and hard. "But anyways, wanna know the surprise?"
You perk up, nodding. Just a few years ago, you were totally against the idea of surprises. If you could make it illegal, you would. But now, it's different. You love the feeling of being surprised, especially when it's Jimin. Well, only when it's Jimin. You can't say you enjoyed the surprise encounter you had at Wattbucks.
Your boyfriend grins, pulling out two tickets from his pocket. "Don't worry, they're not tickets to one of Jin's plays again."
You snort, scooting closer to get a better look. "So, what are they?"
"Vacation tickets! We're going on a fucking cruise, Y/N!" Jimin squeals excitedly, flailing the tickets around. "We deserve a break!"
"Oh. My. God." You'd been whining about going on a nice, long, boat trip for a year now. You knew Jimin was there 99.9% of the time listening to your dramatic wishing, but you never knew he'd taken it seriously. Warmth blossoms in your chest as you look towards your boyfriend. "I literally don't deserve you."
He grins, looking proud of himself. "I know." Jimin takes a sip of the lattes you brought home, winking at you. "I don't deserve you either."
You feel better. Much better. You needed this surprise as a distraction from today's events, anyway. You'd never thought you'd see him again, not after you went out of your way to lose contact with him for a very long time. You didn't think three years was particularly that long, but apparently, the fucking universe thought so.
You're not ready.
You're definitely not ready to see Jeon Jungkook again.
→ previous | next (third book of ly trilogy masterpost)
→ summary: Damn right, you peaked in high school. It’s true, seven years later, things just aren’t the same between you and Jimin. And you know exactly why. One teensy weensy problem though: ᴶⁱᵐⁱⁿ ᵈᵒᵉˢⁿ'ᵗ ᵏⁿᵒʷ.
"Hey, you sure about this?" Jin asks as he cradles the Christmas nutcracker you'd bought with Jimin on a cruise seemingly ages ago. "I thought everything had been going fine..." He watches as you neatly fold your clothes into cardboard boxes. "Don't you think you should talk it over with him first?"
You sigh, standing up and wincing from your sore knees and back. "You know what? This is the surest thing I'm ever going to do. Besides, I think he's going to agree with me."
"Really? He hasn't been saying anything to me..." Jin sighs. "I just don't think it's right that you're doing this without his consent."
"No, Jin, you don't understand," you say.
"What's there not to understand? You're literally moving out... without fucking telling him! That's wrong, Y/N," Jin says. "Don't you want to end things on good terms? I can help you fix things up with him again, you know. I don't want either of you to suffer as much as you did."
"I just..." you hesitate, "I just don't think I can end things then have to spend another day with him to pack and move out... I'd rather do it all at once, Jin." You sigh. "I know it makes me sounds selfish, but trust me, I think Jimin'll be fine. We're just so... tired, anyway." You heave out a heavier sigh, shaking your head. "Don't you ever get tired of trying to fix my relationship?"
"What do you mean?"
"I'm just... I'm just sick of you trying to glue back my relationship together," you blurt out. It's almost embarrassing to admit and you hesitate before you say: "If I can't obviously help my own relationship, I don't think I should have it..."
Jin opens his mouth in what looks like to protest, but it looks like he thinks better of it. Your cousin nods solemnly. "I guess so." He pauses, looking at you, unsure. "Do you at least know what you're going to tell him?" He raises his eyebrow.
"God... I... I dunno, but I still have a few hours until he gets back home from work, right? I have time."
"You know, you can stay at my place for a while... Until you find a place for yourself," Jin says. He has worry lines stretched across his features, making him look more worried than you.
"It's fine, Jin. You don't have to worry so much. I'll be fine." You shrug, sighing as you tape another box shut. "Besides, I want to be alone for a while. Just... just to gather my thoughts."
"So, it's over then?"
You sigh, looking up at the boxes piled up in the bedroom. "In a few hours, it'll be."
It's the most nerve-wracking feeling you've ever felt in your whole life. Your heart beats wildly in your chest. Your stomach twists several times over. It's hard to breathe.
You've prepared everything. There are two nice cups of steaming coffee on the dinner table, and the boxes are piled up near the front door. The only thing you haven't prepared is your speech. You don't want to sound artificial at all. You want the truth to come unscripted, raw and genuine.
It hurts inside... I'm giving him up. I'm giving everything I've known up.
But you also know it's for a better cause. Seven years you've been with him... That's seven years of you that had chipped away. Seven years of becoming increasingly dependent on someone else that's frankly not you. Seven years that you might be able to get back if you leave now.
You shouldn't have been in a relationship without knowing yourself. But it's too late now, and it hurts that you'll be the one to break the truth.
When you hear footsteps approaching the front door, you take one last, shaky breath. Your hands tremble, so you put them by your side. When the door opens, you jump.
Jimin walks in. You hold your breath.
He sees you, smiles. But then he sees the pile of boxes next to him. The smile disappears.
"What are those for?" His tone is sharp, accusing.
You take a deep breath. "I... Well, I just..."
Jimin raises an eyebrow.
"I just think we need to talk, Jimin."
"Really?" He sounds sarcastic. "Now?"
"Yes, please."
"Alright... Fine," Jimin scoffs, shaking his head. It seems like he knows where this is going but is afraid to admit it—almost like you.
It's dead silent. Your sweaty hands clutch onto the warm cup of coffee and Jimin repeatedly and nervously drums his fingers on the dinner table. Maybe you should've prepared a script. You never considered how hard it would be to break the truth.
"So..." you start. Your voice comes out shaky, weak. "I just think we should talk about our relationship." You close your eyes for a moment, frowning at the words. Maybe that was too sudden, maybe Jimin would pissed, maybe—
"Yeah, alright," he answers to your utmost surprise. "We have a lot to talk about, don't we?"
"Y-Yeah," you stutter, nodding slowly. Cautiously.
Jimin brings the warm mug to his lips, and he takes a calm sip of his coffee. "So? Are you going to start? Or do you want me to say something?"
"Oh, I... No, I'll start," you quickly say. "Firstly, I want to apologize, Jimin..."
But the man halts you, raising up his hand and shaking his head. "Hey, we're past apologies, Y/N. I'm sick of us apologizing to each other, aren't you?"
"But I hurt y—"
"Yeah? I hurt you too, Y/N. There's no point bantering back and forth with the 'I'm sorry's.' Don't you think so?"
"So you've forgiven me?" you ask. Almost hopefully, too.
But to your dismay, Jimin hesitates, avoiding your eye contact. Your heart sinks back down. "It's fine," you say, "if you haven't, I mean."
He raises his eyebrows, shaking his head. "You of all people would know... right?" Jimin stares at you and you shrink back in your seat. "It's okay. No hard feelings. I'm just as tired as you are."
"Wait, no," you quickly say. "No. I don't... No, it's going too fast. I want to talk, Jimin. I just want to see what went wrong."
It sounds stupid when the words leave your lips. So much had gone wrong.
Jimin chuckles. "We could be here for a while, in that case."
You hang your head low, nodding. "Yeah..." You will yourself to look up at Jimin, forcing yourself to give him a small smile. "But I enjoyed so much of the time I spent with you. Truly."
"Hey, I did too, Y/N." Jimin offers you a smile as he reaches out to grab your hand. "But it was wrong for us to be together in the first place."
He didn't mean the words to be hurtful, but they stung deep inside. His warm hand encompasses yours, and you find yourself savoring the feeling. Maybe this will be the last time. You don't know.
"I mean... I was your teacher, then," Jimin elaborates as his hand leaves yours. "It was inappropriate of us... to be in a relationship."
"I was too young..." you sigh. "But seventeen seems so far away now." You laugh, "Although I'll always be young in your eyes."
"Age doesn't measure maturity," Jimin says. "I've been naive and immature these past few years. Maybe now you can go out there in the world and experience some new things, you know?"
"You were my first genuine relationship... and love," you whisper. The tears are starting to well up in your eyes. "But yeah, I think I need a chance to experience something else. And you need to as well. I'm sor—" you stop yourself. "I mean, I... just... thank you, for understanding."
Jimin nods solemnly. "Do... do you have a place to stay?"
You nod. "Yeah, I'll be at a hotel for a couple of weeks before I can find a house."
"You sure you don't wanna stay here until you find a place?" Jimin asks. He looks genuinely concerned as he watches you carefully.
"N-No, it's fine, Jimin." You're crying silently, sniffling while catching your breath to speak. "I just think we need a break, you know?"
You look up at Jimin to see him tearing up as well. He's shaking his head, almost as if he's in denial. And he looks broken, but you've seen him in a worse state.
"Yeah... a break," he repeats. "Y-You... need help moving the boxes?"
Before you can answer the doorbell rings throughout the house.
"Well... I hired help... It'll be fine, Jimin. Thanks for asking. I'll... go get the door." You stand up slowly, doing your best to wipe the tears off your face. But a warm hand grabs your wrist, halting you.
When you turn around, you see Jimin. He's crying. The teardrops run down his fair complexion, and his hair is a complete mess—as if he'd run his hand through his head a million times over the past few minutes. Before you open your mouth to say anything, you're in his arms. Jimin embraces you tightly, face buried in your neck. You can hear his quiet whimpering. And you're sure he can hear you crying as well. You wrap your arms around his neck and lose yourself in the feeling of being against his warm chest. Maybe this will be the last time.
You're going to miss this feeling. Maybe you're going to miss Jimin too. But you'd rather miss him than be unhappy. There are so many possibilities for you out there. You can explore them now, right?
The doorbell rings again, and it rings sharper than last time. As if the ringer is impatient.
Slowly, you and Jimin pull apart from each other. There are tears left in his eyes, but he looks reassured, ready.
"So..." you start, wiping the last of your sadness away with a single swipe of your hand. You take a calming breath, closing your eyes and opening them again. "I know we should break up." Your voice comes out stable, and there is not a hint of regret intertwined in the tone. You're ready.
Jimin stays silent.
So you nod at him, giving him a lasting look before making your way to the front door. Right before you open it, Jimin speaks.
"You and me both, Y/N."
He's calm and clear in the way he says it. Like he regrets nothing as well. You pause, your hand hovering over the gold gilded doorknob.
You and me both... It had been a beautiful thing just between the two of you. The equivalent of saying 'I love you too.' If you had closed your eyes at that moment, you probably could've seen the hundreds of thousands of times you and Jimin had repeated those words to each other. The time you'd first said it when you'd gone on a beach date with him. The time you'd said it the first time having sex. All the times you'd exchanged that phrase of love and endearment with Jimin would've crashed down onto you—if you'd closed your eyes and imagined. But you hadn't closed your eyes, and you will yourself to move on.
So you nod. You don't look back. You're going to move forward, onwards.
When you open the door to face the movers, you open the door to your new life. A life without Park Jimin.
Eighty-six thousand three hundred and ninety-seven. Eighty-six thousand three hundred and ninety-eight. Eighty-six thousand three hundred and ninety-nine. Eighty-six thousand and four hundred. Seconds, that is.
It's been a full 24 hours now; albeit, he counted it in seconds. A full day since you've left.
He feels empty inside, a solemn void swallowing him, luring him into the darkness.
He knew it had been coming, though. The breakup, that is.
It'd been toxic, he'd admit with a heavy heart. A relationship that he could see no future with... And that's what he had wanted... a future. So good fucking riddance.
No. He takes that back. Not a riddance. He can't call the seven years he spent with you a waste. He'd learned so much from you, learned what love actually felt like, learned what not to do in future relationships. He's just sad the journey with you is over.
He's just disappointed that he couldn't do anything to stop it.
God. Seven fucking years. He'd waken up with you next to him, ate with you, talked to you, spent most of his spare time with you... It feels weird to be in this house alone... But the memories of you linger.
He stares at the empty couch. You'd loved that spot... especially when watching your food television shows. You'd be curled up between the cushions, an over-sized sweater hugging your body, making you look adorable and so lovable. And don't even get him started on how many times he made you scream out his name on that couch. Oh, god. Jimin shakes his head. No. I shouldn't be having his thoughts; I should be moving on. Y/N probably has.
But it's strange. He feels empty, sad, alone. But he feels no regret.
He'll just focus on his career... Fix things up. Maybe get a new house that since this one reminds him so much of you. Make his parents proud again. Possibly find another woman?
He shakes his head. Fat chance.
I'm still in love with Y/N.
You find yourself constantly watching the clock tick at your workplace. Jimin's probably counting the seconds since our breakup... It's scary how well you've become to know him. I guess seven years of being in a relationship with someone does something to you.
There's an empty feeling in your stomach that nags at you—it might be that presentation you have to give later in the day... or maybe it's the fact that you initiated a breakup with the man you still love.
It's better for both of us, anyways. That way, you can learn to become independent, to look out for yourself. Maybe after that, you can seek a relationship.
You don't know if Jimin would love you then... But there are so many other options... right?
Right on cue, your phone rings. Absentmindedly, you pick it up—it's your lunch break, anyway.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Y/N!" Jungkook says excitedly.
"JK! Hey!" Your mood lifts immediately, and you find yourself smiling.
"Wanna meet up?"
Just temporarily, you can feel the emptiness in your stomach fade away. Maybe he can distract you from the man you really love.
"Sure! Where are we headed?"
—previous | next (third book of ly trilogy masterpost)
→ summary: Damn right, you peaked in high school. It’s true, seven years later, things just aren’t the same between you and Jimin. And you know exactly why. One teensy weensy problem though: ᴶⁱᵐⁱⁿ ᵈᵒᵉˢⁿ'ᵗ ᵏⁿᵒʷ.
It's the first time Jimin doesn't know what the fuck to do with his life. He was always a man with passionate dreams, a man of future, of goals. Hell, he was voted 'most likely to become rich' in his high school years. But now, he's stuck. Stuck because of you.
What Jimin had wanted all along in his life was not an economic success or political success. It was love. A good marriage. To have kids that reflected his and his wife's best traits. And he was so, so fucking close to it.
He feels angry at you for not being ready. Angry that you don't understand he's in his fucking thirties now, and by then, you're supposed to be married, according to social norms these days. He feels angry that there's an age gap, something he usually never thinks about. He's just so fucking furious.
He doesn't know what went wrong in the span of seven years—well, he can speculate, but he's never sure. And it's not like you're going to tell him exactly what went wrong. Especially if you don't know either.
Jimin's stuck. Stuck in a relationship that could possibly be going nowhere. He's angry at the moment, but he knows deep inside that he's also terrified that you'll call or text him and tell him it's over. He doesn't want it to be over at all. Jimin loves you too much to let the seven years that had gone by go into waste.
He just needed time away from you. To think... To think why the fuck you weren't ready.
The next thing he knows, he's walked twenty minutes to the front door of his best friend's house. Jin opens the door amicably, takes him inside amicably, and gives him a warm cup of milk. Amicably.
"Another fight, huh?" Jin asks, warming up his own hands with a hot cup of coffee. "Was it a big one?"
Jimin nods, suddenly feeling ashamed to ask for so much help from his best friend. "I... I called her a fucking coward, Jin." He waits for his best friend to give some sort of reaction, but Jin only nods his head solemnly. "And even worse, I doubted her love for me. I pressured her to want to get married to me. I called her selfish...." Jimin catches his breath. "Do you hate me?"
Jin shakes his head. "You say bad things when you get mad. Been there, heard that."
"I made her cry..." Jimin shakes his head, looking down at his mug of milk. "And at the moment I didn't regret it. I just don't understand. Why doesn't she want to get married? She just... sometimes she just makes me so. Fucking. Angry." He grits his teeth. "I mean, she keeps saying she isn't ready, but when? When will she be ready? She says she wants to talk about it, but then she just mutters all these incoherent sentences and I don't know what to make of it! She lures me in and tells me she loves me, but we're going nowhere! Absolutely nowhere! She acts like a fucking child and I have to take care of her every fucking second because I'm afraid. I'm goddamn terrified! And I keep blaming myself, but I'm starting to blame her. What is her fucking problem? She should be better now. It's been three years! And I'm doing everything I can so she's safe. I've confiscated her painkillers, limited her drinking and kept a close eye on her at all times, what more is there to fucking ask? I'm doing everything in my power to help—she doesn't fucking want it!"
Jimin slams his fist on the table, the warm milk splashing out from the sides of the mug. "She's being a fucking bitch!"
"Hey." It's then when Jin interrupts, brows furrowing. "Don't say that about her."
"Sorry—I just... She... I didn't mean that," Jimin sighs, running a vexed hand through his hair. "I feel like I'm in another bad relationship and I have to get out. But I want to keep trying because all these seven years, I never doubted us, you know?"
Jin nods solemnly. "No, I understand. I understand what you're saying, Jimin. I get why you're angry—"
"Basically furious. But more scared."
"Yeah... I get it. I get the whole thing, actually." Jin stops to stare at his coffee. He sighs loudly before looking at his best friend again. "But don't you understand? She's young, Jimin. She's never been in another relationship. You're the only man she knows. You're her first time for everything, understand?"
Jimin grimly nods. "I know, but that doesn't explain why I've had to wait for her to be ready for seven years."
"Maybe you need to stop and think, Jimin," Jin says. "Why do you need marriage? Because you're ready to start a life with Y/N by contract and by love, or because you're scared of the society's judgment of a thirty-one-year-old unmarried man? Because..." He pauses, unsure whether to continue, "your parents have been pestering you about it?"
"I..." Jimin hesitates, mulling over his friend's words, feeling ashamed that they were actually true.
"Y/N is young, I've said that before. Maybe... maybe she's afraid of commitment, you know? This is her first relationship after all. She doesn't understand how perfect you two are together because she has nothing else to compare it with. I think it scares her that with marriage, she'll be by your side for the rest of her life. She'll never be able to see anyone, to love anyone else again. Ever since she was 17 to the day she dies. Did you ever think about that?"
"Well no—"
"Listen, buddy, you need to tone it down." Jin stares into Jimin's eyes. Jimin's never seen his friend be as serious as this before. He gulps. "You know Y/N's not good at explaining her feelings," Jin continues, "so you should also know it's hard for her to talk about this out loud. You should've known this before you decided to date her for seven years. We have no idea what she's feeling, the things she's going through internally. You know she's had trust issues in the past, and maybe they're coming back."
"Because of me?"
"I'm not saying it's because of you—"
"It sounds a lot like tha—"
"Can you just stop?" Jin sighs, obviously exasperated. "Just shut up for a second and listen. This is my baby cousin we're talking about here. Seven years ago I told you to love Y/N to death for me. To take care of her for me in return for my blessing—"
"But this isn't about seven years ago! Y/N's not a high schooler anymore; she's an adult. Why can't you take my side, huh? Why is it always about Y/N? What good has she ever done to you?"
As soon as the words leave his mouth, he regrets it.
Jin's eyes turn cold, hard. They glare at Jimin, making him feel guilty, ashamed.
"I can't take your side and I'm not taking Y/N's. I'm trying to be neutral. Who do you think calmed Y/N down and suggested her to apologize to you the night you guys fought during my play? Who do you think gives both of you guys relationship advice every so often? Who do you think comes over every now and then to check up on you two? Me. I'm the neutral and I like it that way. I know it sounds like I'm defending Y/N, but I'm trying to make you see her point of view so the two of you can be on the same boat. I'm trying to make you understand.
"It's not always about Y/N, I know that, and she knows that. You know what your problem is? You're the one that thinks everything is about Y/N. Haven't you thought about how repressed she must be feeling because of you? She told me last week, verbatim, she feels like she's 'living in prison sometimes.' She loves you too much to say anything because she knows you're sensitive and she doesn't want to start a fight you two can't finish. Y/N's over the incident, alright? It was three years ago like you keep saying. She's over it. You need to be over with it too before it's too late and the same things happen all over again. The things that you aren't letting her do now are only reminders of before, do you understand? You're making her feel guilty, after all these years. Understand?"
Jimin grips his mug, staring down at the shadow it casts on the wooden table. It's silent for a long time.
Then: "I... I guess I do," Jimin whispers softly. He feels hurt that you couldn't express your true thoughts about his behavior, that you had to confide to your cousin instead. But he also realizes he hasn't really been a good boyfriend these days. "You're saying I'm being obsessive?"
"Well," Jin pauses, "actually yeah. You're not giving her space to breathe, Jimin. And that's what she can use right now, a bit of a breather. If you keep restricting her from drinking or even just taking painkillers, she'll feel like you're her prison. I know you're a better guy than that."
Jimin nods, taking a thoughtful sip of the warm milk.
"I'm not saying Y/N's without fault either," Jin adds, "just so you think I'm not taking sides. She needs to learn to open up her feelings and not to suppress them. She trusts you Jimin, she trusts me. But she doesn't trust herself. So help her with that."
Jimin hums, nodding. He almost feels foolish for barging in and yelling at Jin like this, wasting his time with his nonsense. He can feel himself become less and less angry at Y/N and more disappointed in himself.
"Thanks, Jin. I can always count on you." He gives his best friend a grateful look. "Don't know what we'd do without you."
"I know," Jin says. "Not trying to sound much like a hypocrite though, but did you really leave Y/N alone at home, crying? Shouldn't you have learned your lesson?"
"Shit," Jimin breathes, standing up immediately. "Fuck. Hold up, I need to get back. Ohmygod, if something happened I'll never forgive myself."
"Me neither." Jin sighs, standing up as well and leading his best friend to the door. "One last thing, Jimin."
"Yeah?" Jimin asks breathlessly.
"You shouldn't just marry someone out of love. There's much more to marriage than love for the other, alright?"
"Yeah. Thanks, Jin. Really. I'm going to make it up to you, really. I swear. I just... thank you." He gives his best friend a quick hug before dashing out.
Jimin's hasn't run this fast in three years. He nearly trips on the stairs up to the front door and swings the door open with such force, the walls shake.
"Y/N?!" he yells, perspiration dripping down his red face as his legs shake.
No answer.
"God, Y/N?!" He tries again.
And again, there is no answer.
Fear courses through Jimin's veins as he sprints into the house, more panicked than he's ever been in his life. "Y/N?! Where are you?!"
He hears lively talking in the living room so he runs, never hesitating, not even thinking. There, he sees you on the couch. You're cuddling a pillow, his pillow, he realizes, holding a tub of mint chocolate chip ice cream while your eyes are glued on the television screen. It's playing a bunch of food commercials.
Immediately he relaxes. You're okay.
"Y/N?" he whispers. He sees the dried tear streaks on your cheeks, feeling guilty for being the one who caused it. You still don't answer.
"I'm back, Y/N."
"I know." Your voice sounds cold and raspy at the same time.
"I'm sorry I left."
"I told you to leave."
"I went to Jin's."
You nod, eating another spoonful of ice cream and staring straight ahead at the TV.
"I understand now," Jimin tries. "And I'm sorry. I'm sorry for pushing it. Let's not fight anymore, please. I'll wait until you're ready, I really will. If you're scared, I understand and I'll help you get over it. Just please... don't break up with me."
At that, you turn the TV off with the remote, turning to Jimin. "Who says anything about breaking up?"
"God, Y/N," Jimin mutters, moving in to hug your small, curled up body on the couch. "I've been an ass, I know."
"No, it's fine, I know where you're coming from," you say, digging your hand into your boyfriend's chest as he hugs you tighter. "I'm sorry too... for being a coward, for being selfish, for acting so immature... I want to be able to trust myself before we commit. Just... it won't take long, I promise. I want to get married, Jimin. But not now, not when I feel like this, okay?"
"Yeah... okay," Jimin mutters, running his fingers through your tangled hair. "I'm going to wait." He sounds, confident, determined; the man you fell in love with. "I love you." He doesn't whisper this, says it loud and clear as if announcing it to the world.
You smile, nodding. "You and me both."
"That was literally the fourth spider I fucking killed in the past hour," Jimin sighs, "and this one was one of those smaller tarantula reincarnates." He shudders just thinking about it and you snort.
"Jin always nags at us for being 'dirty' but who lives in the real pigsty? I mean really, I thought we'd be decorating the place with flowers and be out in a second, but now we have to clean the whole place first!"
Jimin chuckles, shaking his head as he pauses his mopping, wiping his sweat on the back of his hand. "Maybe he was so busy taking care of us, he didn't have time to clean. Essentially we're doing him a favor."
Originally, the plan had been to sneak into your cousin's house, decorate it with a shit ton of flowers and leave. To say thank you for all his help. But that didn't work out too well when you realized the place wasn't as spot-clean as you expected. This was Plan B, to clean the house and then decorate with flowers. Because Jin's an absolute hoe for pretty flowers.
"It's funny how I always catch the spiders in a bathroom though," Jimin says, scrunching up his eyebrows in confusion. "It's like they all decide to collectively live in there."
"Maybe they want to relieve themselves on our giant toilets," you snort, continuing to wipe the kitchen table down.
"Can spiders even pee?"
At that, you pause everything. "Wait, do they??"
Spending five minutes on the web (aHaHA) enlightened the both of you.
"It says here spiders don't piss like us," you say, squinting your eyes as you read off your phone screen. "They produce uric acid, unlike the urine we make when we gotta go. Wait, holy shit, their piss is near-solid! I didn't know that!!"
Jimin laughs so hard he almost falls over on the spot, holding his stomach dearly. "Hold the fuck up. They piss, shit!"
You're on the floor laughing now, gasping for breath that your boyfriend had so conveniently taken away with his words. Okay, maybe the joke wasn't even that funny, but you were elated at the moment that you were able to spend quality time with Jimin—laughing, having fun. Even if the time was spent cleaning.
Actually ever since the bigger fight a week ago, Jimin's been extra nice to you. And you were trying to be extra nice too. Maybe it was to avoid any more conflict, or maybe it was because both of you were sorry for continuously fighting. You don't really care about the reason, but you're glad your relationship has taken a smooth turn. At this point, you believe you deserve it.
You've been through quite a lot of shit and so you logically deserve some lax time. Besides, it's Jimin's birthday today, and instead of celebrating it, he had suggested decorating his best friend's house to thank him for his troubles. He even told you he didn't want any presents. But fuck that shit, you wrote him a five-page love letter and bought the fancy dress shoes he'd been eyeing for the past month.
Your boyfriend had made it pretty clear he wanted to use his birthday to celebrate Jin's existence, but it didn't stop you from sneaking his new shoes on his side of the bed earlier that morning. Didn't stop you from bringing the letter with you to your cousin's house.
He deserves the gifts. He also deserves the letter—words that I'm scared to say out loud.
You can't wait for the night to unravel.
If this isn't fucking déjà vu, you don't know what is. You really don't.
After Jin had nearly sobbed because of your and Jimin's heartful surprise, he'd declared tonight was the night to celebrate with an equally hearty meal. 'To commemorate Jimin's birth and my existence!' he'd said dramatically. But damn. It really was a parallel from seven years ago.
First off, you, Jimin and Jin had a nice meal of steak with beer. (Sound familiar?) Secondly, Jin passed out on the floor again (though this time, he didn't throw up). And thirdly, you and Jimin canoodled like there was no room for Jesus. Thankfully, you weren't his student or underage in this parallel.
But then the innocent canoodling kinda led to a more tainted version than that of last time. Especially when this had taken place:
"Jimin," you pant heavily, "we can't do this now, Jin's like, right there."
Your boyfriend ignores you or pretends not to hear you as his lips make their way down your neck, ceaselessly caressing the soft skin. He suckles a sweet spot, making you hum in approval. Then, he bites.
You groan. "Fuck."
At that, Jimin perks up, leaving your neck (that was bound to have a few bruises tomorrow) and resting his forehead against yours. "Fuck already?" He grins.
And that's what you ended up doing that night. With your cousin right there the whole time.
Okay, fine, it wasn't really a good fuck, as the kids on the street call it these days. It was what Jimin called 'showing love.' Passionate, pleasurable, slow, mesmerizing.
It was the best sex you had, like, ever.
And the aftermath was just as memorable. You're intertwined in Jimin's arms, his bare chest pressing up against your clothed back. You had the decency to at least put on a shirt and some underwear, just in case your cousin decided to wake up from his death-like slumber. In turn, your boyfriend had slid on his jeans, the denim material of it chafing against your bare legs.
"I was pretty good today, wasn't I?" Jimin chuckles deeply, kissing the shell of your ear.
You roll your eyes, though you would never admit that you love it when he gets cocky with you. Literally.
"Lasted ten seconds longer than usual," you tease, turning over to face your scowling boyfriend. "Happy birthday, by the way." You kiss him.
Jimin groans into the kiss, only pulling away to speak. "Don't remind me I'm getting old."
You hum, kissing the tip of his nose. "Not in my eyes, you aren't. Want half of your present?"
"God, Y/N, I told you, no presents..." Jimin whines, but you can tell he's excited because he has that shimmering glint in his eye. He smirks, eyeing you coyly. "Was the other half the sex? I didn't even know you were capable of—"
"Oh shut up, I'm capable of a lot of things in the bedroom," you quickly say, heat rising to your cheeks. "And no, the other half is at home. Here." You slightly sit up, rummaging around the discarded clothes on the floor to fish out a fat envelope from your pants pocket. "A letter."
"Did you write a whole dissertation? What the fuck, Y/N..." Jimin looks genuinely surprised as he takes the fat envelope, tearing it open delicately and taking out the five-page letter. He holds it gently like one would hold a newborn kitten. "I... Wow. I don't deserve you."
"Read it, please."
But half an hour later, you kinda regret saying that because you didn't know Jimin was such a slow reader. You've been in his arms for thirty minutes now, not daring to fall asleep so you can see his reaction when he finishes reading. Yet at this point, you suspect he's read the letter already but is rereading his favorite parts over and over again to ingrain in his memory. Because that's just who he is, and you love it.
Thirty-five minutes in, you feel something wet drop on your cheek. You knew it was one of the two things: a drop of spit or a teardrop. If Jimin had actually fallen asleep reading your letter and was stooping so low as to drooling on you, you were ready to feed him to the spiders. But if he was crying...
As if answering your internal thoughts, Jimin sniffles, shifting his warm body to hug you tightly. "Sorry," he apologizes as teardrops stain his face. He does too much of that these days. "I... just, wow," he breathes, voice shaky from the after-effects of tears.
"Did you like it?" you ask hopefully, a small smile stretching across your face. "I wrote like, eight drafts because I wanted it to be perfect."
"God, it's... I don't know how to explain it," Jimin chuckles lightly, shaking his head. "I... wow."
"Woah, I've made Park Jimin speechless?" you tease, nuzzling your cheek on his chest. "That's the first. Was it really that good?"
"Everything I didn't know I needed." Jimin cups your cheek with his hand, gently guiding you to meet his eyes. They're not filled with lust from earlier, not filled with the sorrow from years ago, not filled with anger, either. They're filled with gratitude. That feeling elder relatives like to force onto the young by the time of year when they bring out the turkeys and cornucopias and pumpkin pies. But except in Jimin's eyes, they weren't forced—purely voluntary.
"Maybe it'll sink in better if I say it out loud," you murmur, "but I honestly do see a future with you. You know? I'll love you forever." Your hand delicately traces patterns into your boyfriend's chest, but you keep eye contact with him, mirroring the look of gratitude in his eyes.
Jimin nods, sniffling again. "Forever's a very long time." He smiles.
"Exactly."
No matter how many times you tell yourself that there will be no more wars (the last war will leave everyone in shock and thus keep the peace for eternity), there will be more fucking wars. There will be disagreements, unresolved conflicts and clashing opinions. And if not managed with the utmost care, they will erupt into a full-fledged fight.
You know that principle very well, inside and out. But you're testing yourself—how far you can go without a war, without yelling, without arguing. Even if it means you have to make more sacrifices than you wish for.
"Sorry, Y/N... I just," Jimin groans, pushing his hair back with his fingers. "I told you not to buy alcohol anymore."
You sigh, taking a deep breath. It's vague in your memories that you and Jimin had promised not to fight anymore. For once you want to play it out. "I was just craving a nice beer," you say as nonaggressively as you can put it. "No harm done. I swear I won't even drink the whole can!"
Your boyfriend shakes his head, making your heart drop. You struggle to keep a pleasant smile on your face. "But you promised, Y/N. You promised. Remember the incident?"
We also promised not to fight.
You sigh defeatedly. "Alright, alright..." It feels weird not to defend yourself for once, not to yell, not to argue. Jimin looks almost taken aback as if he had expected you to fight back. Giving your boyfriend a small smile, you set down the unopened beer can on the kitchen table.
"I'll take care of it," Jimin tells you as you slowly walk up the stairs, wandering aimlessly into the shared bedroom.
It's completely dark in there and you relish in the tenebrosity. The blackness envelops you as you slide underneath the covers of the bed. Strangely, you feel safe under there. Like you can release any sort of emotion without being wary of a watchful, judging eye. It's then when you start crying.
You don't have an exact reason; don't know it. The tears just fall down your face. What you are sure of is that it's unfair. Unfair that you're not allowed to do simple things because of what had happened three years prior—the biggest mistake you'd made in your life. You feel restrained. In a prison.
Maybe you'd been keeping in your tears for too long. Maybe you'd reached your breaking point because you were sobbing as quietly as you can, muffling the sounds by stuffing your face into your pillow. Weirdly, you feel a sense of calmness while the hot tears continuously fall down your face. As if you were finally letting the pent up emotions go.
Half an hour later, you've calmed down. Your bawling had waned away to small whimpers, though your pillow was soaked from your tears. You don't know how you'll explain that to Jimin, so you chuck it into the open closet, where it'll dry by morning.
When your boyfriend comes in the room, he doesn't turn on the lights. Thankfully. He quietly gets ready for bed and slides in beside you on the mattress. The moment he notices your wet eyelashes and sniffling nose, he asks, "Hey, is something wrong?"
"No." You clear your throat, forcing a smile that he can't see. "Just allergies."
Today was supposed to be a date night. Well, really it was more of a promise of Wattflix & Chill (Jimin swore to remember to turn the television on this time), but nevertheless, it was time both of you had supposedly set aside for each other. But Jimin had supposedly not gotten the memo.
You were just about to get out the ingredients and the small kitchen appliances to cook the homemade meal when your boyfriend had called. Told you he had to cancel date night because of work. Said he was sorry, said he would make it up somehow. You had tried to disguise the hurt and disappointment in your voice when you asked what he would be doing. He told you he had to last-minutely tutor a student.
Jimin had always been a bit too kind for his own good. But you're not one to stop his generosity. Besides, logically, it is more practical to help a college student pass or excel in a class than have some cheesy date night.
You were pretty solid about the change of plans up to the point Jimin called your cousin over to help you make the meal. He told you he didn't want you burning the house down, but you suspect he just doesn't like it when you're home alone. For god's sake. You're 24, almost 25.
And when Jin came over, you might've released the pent up feelings of frustration on him, instead of the person who'd made you feel restrained in the first place.
"I dunno why the fuck he called you to come when I'm perfectly fine in the kitchen."
"Y/N... You know he's scared you'll get hurt."
"Oh my god. Not that bullshit again."
"He's... he's just sensitive."
"Does he not understand?"
"Sorry?"
"Does he not fucking understand that I'm fine now?!"
"I'm sure he does... I'm sure he—"
"GOD. I just—"
You'd never finished that sentence. Instead, without another word, you'd gathered your purse and stormed out of the house. Luckily Jin had been smart enough not to follow you.
You spent several minutes wandering aimlessly down the street before finding your way to Wattbucks. Your little haven since seven years ago. A nice heart-shaped latte would calm you; it always did.
So you take a seat near the windows, order your drink and wait. But five minutes into waiting you call over the waiter again to tell him you'd like another heart-shaped latte (for Jimin) and an iced, half-caff, ristretto, four-pump, sugar-free, cinnamon, dolce soy skinny latte (for Jin). It was your way of apologizing to your cousin for just storming off. He'd be pleased because not anyone can remember his overly pretentious drink order.
Then you wait even more patiently for the drinks to come out. Until you see the back of the head of someone quite familiar. He's sitting with another girl just several feet away from you. They're so close to each other, their shoulders are touching.
You watch as she leans into him, brushing her fingers coyly against his. He laughs. Takes a sip of his heart-shaped latte. She laughs. Takes a sip of her heart-shaped latte. In between them are a few textbooks and pieces of scratch paper. But you barely pay attention to the study materials; your eyes are really glued on the mini cake settled between them. The complimentary mini cake for couples, that is.
It is at that moment when your heart drops and tears well in your eyes. No way. You must be hallucinating. Either that or you've been a fucking idiot all along. I shouldn't make assumptions, though, right? Right.
You pause all the bad thoughts flying through your head to take a deep breath. You're going over. It doesn't take you long to walk in front of their table. You act surprised when you see him.
"Oh, hey, Jimin!"
He looks surprised as well, having the decency to scoot a bit away from the girl. He grins like nothing's wrong. "Hey."
"Is she a friend?" the girl asks, giggling. She's young, and obviously spent more time than she needed to on hair, makeup and clothes for a tutoring session. "What a coincidence, don't you think?" She delicately touches your boyfriend's arm, then makes a show of licking the cake frosting off of her fork.
"Er, yeah," Jimin says. He avoids eye contact. "Y/N was a math major too. Minored in statistics, just like you."
You don't have the heart to tell him it's the other way around. Math minor, statistics major.
The girl giggles too cutely to be humanly possible. "That's so cool, were you college buddies?"
"Yeah," Jimin chirps, nodding.
You want to call your boyfriend out on the bullshit, but how can you? At this point, the whole fucking cafe thinks they're dating—especially with that free couple's mini cake between them. You're not that evil to humiliate anyone in public. You bite your tongue hard, willing yourself not to get angry.
"Wow, then, in that case, Jimin would've tutored you a whole lot, huh?"
You nod, though hesitantly. "One could even say he was my teacher." You notice Jimin chuckling in the background and you kid yourself not, your blood boils.
"He makes a great professor too," the girl chirps brightly. "He's probably great at everything he does. Right, Jimin?"
To your utmost surprise, your boyfriend's blushing. He's basking in the comments of some college girl right in front of you, his girlfriend.
"I wouldn't say great at ev—"
"Oh, but you are!" the girl turns from Jimin to you, eyes sparkling and cheeks tinged pink from all the unnecessary flirting. "He's so funny and sweet! You're lucky to have known him for a long time. I mean, I've never even been to this cafe before, but Jimin introduced me. Told me this latte was especially good—it is! He said it's the best place to solve some math problems!" She leans in towards you as if wanting to tell you a secret. Though you want to lean the other way (as far as your inflexible back lets you), you politely lend her your ear. "Look, we even pretended to be a couple to get this free mini cake!" she whispers excitedly. "Oh, oh! And we even took a couple of photos so the waitress wouldn't suspect anything!"
The blood drains from your face, but you manage to smile. "Cute," you choke out. At this point, you're not furious, you're tired, sad.
You had thought you were special. Thought Jimin only treated you like that. Wattbucks with the heart-shaped lattes, mini cakes and couple pictures were supposed to be your thing. It fucking hurts to see your personal tradition unfolding with your very own eyes, only to see someone else replacing you. Someone younger, perkier. Maybe even smarter.
You're quick to excuse yourself from your boyfriend and his apparent new girlfriend when your drinks come. In your wildest fantasies, you would've poured the extra latte on Jimin's head and sassily walked out of the cafe with a hand on your hip. But you know in reality you don't have the guts. So you just leave it untouched and take the rest for to-go.
When you get home, you call for Jin but he doesn't answer. It occurs to you he probably left after you did. There's a short note on the fridge:
Y/N,
There's lasagna in the refrigerator. I trust you.
→ summary: Damn right, you peaked in high school. It’s true, seven years later, things just aren’t the same between you and Jimin. And you know exactly why. One teensy weensy problem though: ᴶⁱᵐⁱⁿ ᵈᵒᵉˢⁿ'ᵗ ᵏⁿᵒʷ.
→ warnings: profanity, implied sexual behaviors, a lot of fighting :((
→ wordcount: 6.3k
"You know, Jin's gonna fucking murder us in cold blood for buying this stuff," you chuckle, taking Jimin's hand as he helps you step into the dimly lit hot tub.
Your boyfriend snorts, running a wet hand through damp his hair. "Well, we'll just tell him we'll actually use the stuff we bought and he wouldn't say another thing."
"Really? Where do you think we're gonna use a fucking fidget spinner for?"
"Says the one who begged to buy tropical slime! As if we can't make that ourselves with Wattmart supplies."
"Hey!" you retort, crossing your arms and sinking into the comforting depths of the warm water. "It's literally a unanimous and universal decision that slime is better than those notorious fidget spinners!"
"But who needs to play with slime when I have you?" Jimin suddenly lowers his voice for that sultry effect, looking at you seductively. It does wonders to you.
"Oh god." You hide your blushing face. "You're getting greasier by the years."
"But you've stayed with me, so what does that have to say about you?"
You huff, though when Jimin offers you his hand, you take it without hesitation. He tugs you into his arms, his wet lips cherishing your face as you giggle.
"I'm the luckiest man in the world," he murmurs, hugging you as you straddle his lap, bare legs chafing against the limp material of his swim trunks.
You're flushing again at his words. If it was anyone else that had said it, you'd be filing a lawsuit for the cringe damage but this was Jimin. And it's different if it's Jimin.
The silence sets in like the clouds over the dark, sparkling ocean water. You take a moment to yourself, closing your eyes and squeezing your arms around Jimin as if you'd never let go. The delicate sound of the waves lapping on the sides of the cruise ship lulls you, and your head starts to feel heavy. Sleep is close by.
It's been a wondrous week on the cruise. Almost as if this was the beginning stages of the relationship again where every little touch sparked excitement in your guts and every little word he spoke, you clung onto. The week gave you no time to worry. There were just too many fun things to do to make up for all the adult problems that have plagued you for six years now.
This was like the honeymoon vacation, minus the wedding, of course. Where you and Jimin were able to heal your relationship—not that it needed a whole lot of healing, anyways. Now this night was the last night you'll spend on the ship and tomorrow morning you'll be leaving, walking away from the place that allowed you to have so many beautiful memories.
But you won't be leaving the memories, you'll be taking them with you. Hopefully, they'll help you.
"Y/N, hey," Jimin whispers. So softly if you had taken a deeper breath, you wouldn't have been able to hear him. He speaks in a way that would be similar to that of someone asking a rhetorical question. As if he didn't even expect you to hear him. He thinks you're asleep. "I'm sorry." He runs his fingers through your hair, softly brushing out the tangles from the ocean breeze. "I'm sorry for everything."
He sounds so small, so broken. You want to intervene but... your eyes continue to stay closed as you mimic a peaceful slumber. You want to listen to him speak. The things he refused to tell you when you were awake.
"But I'm more scared than sorry." You can hear the shakiness of his voice as he confesses. He shifts in his seat, adjusting your position in a way that doesn't cramp your leg. The warm water ripples around the both of you as he holds you tight against his chest. "Fucking stupid of me."
He lets out a distressed sigh. "I was scared to leave you alone in the house for a while. Still am." You can feel his hot tears falling down his face and rolling down your back. "I was scared you'd leave me. Maybe I still am.
"I... I just can't get over it. Three fucking years ago and I still can't get over it. Maybe you want me to get over it. Maybe that's why our relationship was so shaky for a while. I just... I don't know what I'd do without you. I love you so much. I try so hard to make you happy. I... I want a fucking future with you. And sometimes... just sometimes I think that maybe... maybe you don't want what I want.
"It's my fault. I should've... Fuck. There are so many things I should've done. So many things I should've told you. So many things I should've fucking shown you. Maybe it would've done something. Maybe things wouldn't have turned out this way."
Jimin sniffles, burying his face in the crook of your neck. He hums a lullaby to comfort himself as if it's a normal thing for a 31-year-old man to do. But the soft tune comforts you too.
The tears that had been on the verge of falling down your own face are starting to dry. It's a lot to take in. Emotions are always hard to take in. But you find yourself fading in and out between the consciouses. And then, you're asleep.
Jimin pulls away from you, admiring your sleeping form. Your eyelashes are still wet with tears but he thinks they're water droplets from the tub. He admires your flushed cheeks from the heat of the water and how your lips part just like that.
Beautiful, he thinks. He wishes things were as simple as they were when you had been his student. Weird. It was more peaceful when we were engaging in illegal acts.
He chuckles to himself at the mere irony of that. But it morphs into a frown. He shakes his head.
"I'll never forgive myself for doing that." Jimin stops himself. "I mean, I'll never forgive myself for not doing that."
He watches your sleeping form, thanking the whole fucking universe that you were alive and safe in his arms.
"I want to murder you two in cold blood," Jin sighs helplessly, tossing yet another container of slime away from him. As if the substance was any more detestable than his homemade cheesecakes.
You and Jimin throw each other the 'there he goes again' look. It was Inspection Day in your household. It's simply the day Jin comes over and checks up on your home, seeing if Jimin's feeding you right or if the upstairs bathroom doesn't have mold growing on the shower curtain. You and Jimin never asked Jin to complete these 'mandatory checkups' as he calls them, but your cousin very much insisted. To your despair.
"Look, Jin. Some of that stuff, Y/N and I will actually use!" Jimin chirps. "Look on the bright side, dude."
Jin sighs again. "Tell me Yoon Y/N and Park Jimin." He rummages through the heaps of souvenirs from the cruise. "You're telling me that you two would actually use this?!" your cousin raises his voice and his eyebrows simultaneously, dangling a poor Christmas Nutcracker by its foot. "You guys don't even like nuts! What is this for?"
"Decor??" you say in a 'duh' voice.
"It's summer."
"Decor for this winter, then," Jimin butts in, nodding his head convincingly. "We bought everything for a reason!"
Your cousin rolls his eyes so hard that you're afraid they might disappear up his head. "You guys can't go wasting money like this! Really, Y/N? Fidget cubes? Scented trash bags? Magnetic rocks?! Don't even get me started on the assortment of slimes." Jin pauses to massage his apparent aching forehead. "The spending purge was unnecessary! What about the bills for next month, huh? Or for crap that actually matters? What if you want a kid and you can't get him his favorite toy because you spent too much on this trip? Or if your kid wants to surprise his girlfriend with a bouquet of flowers but oops, his parents spent too much on a little cruise trip and now he can't afford it! Or, OR, if that same kid wants to marry his girlfriend and he needs the money for marriage but would you look at that??? His parents are BROKE!" Jin finishes his too-dramatic-to-be-true soliloquy, looking over at you and his best friend for approval.
"Were you practicing for your play again?" you snort, shaking your head. "Who are you playing this time? A cousin reprimanding his younger cousin and best friend about the morbid consequences of spending?"
"Close." Jin snorts, a smile breaking out from his lips. "I'm playing the best friend reprimanding his two cousins about the disastrous consequences of spending."
Jimin scrunches up his face. "The two cousins are together?"
"It's an old play." Jin shrugs. "Anyways, wanna come to watch it? Its debut is in like, thirty minutes."
"Would I want to watch live incest on stage? Would I ever!" you laugh sarcastically. "You know we'll always watch your plays no matter what. Even... if it's about incest."
Jin grins as that stupid, mischievous look resurfaces from his face. "You'll see."
You're only at intermission but you're bawling. Jimin's trying to calm your hysterics down though he has visible tears welling up in his eyes as well.
"T-They love each other but they can't be with each other!" you wail for the hundredth time. "That'll be fucking incest!"
"Shhh... It'll be okay, Y/N," Jimin mutters, hugging you close to his arms. "Deborah and Arnold might not end up together but hey, that's okay. They've experienced love before. They can't act on it, god forbid, like literally. But they know the feeling of love, Y/N. That's a fucking blessing in it of itself, don't you think? They've loved before. And that's something."
You sniffle, nodding. "You know, I think I'm only this heartbroken because I know what love feels like, you know? I know the feeling. And it's just sad... it's sad to have to watch them love each other but be torn apart by fucking Jin of all people! I hate his fucking character! And god, how unlucky they were to be born related as if the stars were never on their side!!"
Jimin chuckles, taking your hand into his. "Don't worry, it has a happy ending."
You give him a doubtful look.
"No, really. I looked up the play synopsis on Wattpedia."
"Oh my god, Jimin. You just spoiled the whole thing!"
"I really couldn't see you distressed like that, though. I haven't seen you cry that hard since..." he trails off. "I mean, in forever."
"Yeah." It comes out softer than you wished for. "You know, I think—"
"Y/N?"
"Y/N!"
"OH MY GOD, THE GODDESS, HERSELF!"
You recognize those two voices too well—even after all those years. Turning around, you see the expected figures waving at you frantically from only several feet away. Quickly, you wipe your tears, jumping up and waving back.
"Tae! Yoongs! Long time no see!"
"It's been like what, a decade?!" Taehyung shrieks, holding your hands as you jump up and down together like giggly children.
"No, it's been a century!" Yoongi corrects, giving you his gummy grin. "I thought you were kidnapped by aliens or something. How are you after all these years?"
"Great, amazing!" you laugh. "How are you two?"
"Well..." Yoongi giggles. You stare at him wide-eyed. "Taehyung and I are together now."
Your eyes light up and your lips stretch out in a huge smile. "OhmyGOD, congratulations!"
"Mhm. I've learned to embrace my gay," Taehyung snorts. "Can you believe when Jungkook found out he fucking flipped? Do you talk to him still?"
"No, uh... No. I have a boyfriend." It comes out angry, though you didn't mean it to sound that way. "Sorry, I mean, no, we lost contact."
"I can give you his number if you want!" Yoongi clasps his hands together. "You two were such a power duo, you know, as friends."
"It's fine." You shake your head vigorously. "It didn't end well, the last time we met," you clarify. "He wouldn't want to see me."
"You expect me to believe that?" Taehyung chuckles, shaking his own head in dismay. "He still talks about you, you know. Maybe we should all meet up again like the old times if you're not too busy that is."
Your fidget uncomfortably, wanting to accept the offer but at the same time just not ready to face Jungkook again.
"Or just the three of us can meet up," Yoongi interjects, noticing your persistent fidgeting. "Wattbucks. This Sunday at noon?"
You nod, smiling. "Yeah, that'd be great." You wish you could catch up with your high school friends right here, in the midst of the theater, but the lights are starting to dim again, signaling that intermission is nearly over.
"So... Guess we'll see you Sunday." Taehyung grins, moving in to give you one of his infamous bear bugs. "We can catch up then."
"Hey, count me in," Yoongi whines, butting through so he can hug you and Taehyung. "Y/N, you'll have to tell us your whole love life so be prepared!"
You chuckle, "Yeah, yeah," as your friends release you from the tight hug. "See you two soon!"
They wave, walking hand in hand back to their seats. You watch them leave, smiling to yourself. It's been a while since you've met up with anyone from high school—er, except Jimin. It was a good thing that you'd be in contact with them again; you can use the bit of change in your life.
When you slip back into your seat, Jimin ignores you. But you figure since the theater is so dark he doesn't see your presence. "Hey, I'm back," you whisper, moving to hold his hand. But he snatches it away and out of your reach, to your utmost surprise.
"Who were they?"
"What?"
Jimin sighs. "Who were they?" he asks again. You can tell he's trying to keep his voice steady but he's already pissed. But pissed that you were talking to your friends??
"My friends, Jiminie. Hey, don't be mad... Sorry I just went off without introducing you," you whisper, gripping his arm. "But you remember Tae and Yoongs, right?"
"Barely."
"Aw, Jiminie..."
"Don't call me that."
You huff now pissed off at your boyfriend's childish behavior. "You never got jealous when I talked to my guy friends, so why now?"
"Jealous?" Jimin scoffs, turning around and facing you. The theater's still dark but you can see the bit of hurt in his eyes. "I'm just looking out for you."
There he goes again. You sigh, crossing your arms over your chest and looking straight forward at the closed curtains. "I'm not a baby anymore."
"I didn't say that you were. I never did."
"You're implying it, Jimin. Don't be the jealous type. They're my friends for the last fucking time. I'll literally even take you with me when we get coffee this week, alright? Don't be so unreasonable. You know I don't need you to be on my back 25/8."
Your boyfriend laughs with scorn. "You think I'm being unreasonable? Don't paint me as the bad guy here, Y/N. Besides, three years ago you kinda did prove yourself wrong didn't you."
"Get out." You don't regret the tone you spit those words out. You'd meant it. "Get the fuck out."
"Can't," Jimin jeers through grit teeth. "It's a fucking public theater."
"Well at least—" You're interrupted when the curtains start to part and the crowd erupts in cheers. Intermission's over.
For the rest of the play, you and Jimin keep silent. You don't cry when one of the comic relief characters is killed off in a violent knife-fight. And you don't even smile when it ends with a happily ever after like Jimin had said.
The second you step into the home you share with the person you actually dislike at the moment, your eyes meet Jin's. He's holding chicken takeout in both hands and has this silly grin on his face. The look that says, 'Hey friends, let's have a jolly good afternoon 'cause I bought fried chicken.' He must've missed his after-party for this too.
You're about to greet him with open arms when Jimin comes in the house, slamming the door shut before storming off into his room without another word.
It's silent as Jin looks from the empty stairs Jimin had just stomped up and you, who's struggling not to let your happy façade fall.
"Fight?" your cousin finally questions.
You let out the breath you hadn't even known you'd been holding in. "Y-Yeah..."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"It's not a big deal, I swear, Jin. We fight a lot these days." It sounded better in your head than said out loud. Admitting to your cousin that what you thought had been a perfect relationship wasn't so perfect after all was embarrassing. But Jin's been with you through thick and thin.
"I dunno," you sigh. "It just spiraled out of control so quickly... We were at the play, I met Taehyung and Yoongi, you know, my high school friends. And, just out of nowhere, Jimin got jealous. He... Well, I said some mean things, but what he said was fucking... It hurt, Jin. I thought he was over it. He clearly isn't."
Jin watches as the tears well up in your eyes, as you struggle to catch your breath, as you look so hurt and confused and tired. He sets the chicken takeout aside, motioning you to come closer. When you do, he hugs you.
The hug you never thought you needed.
"I'm sorry, Jin," you breathe, lashes becoming heavy with tears. "I was planning on stopping by a flower shop to get you a bouquet. I mean, your performance blew me away. The whole play blew me away. But with the whole ordeal, I couldn't bring myself to ask Jimin to stop the car. I'm so sorry," you whisper the last part, tears staining Jin's white t-shirt. "I'm so sorry, even after all these years you have to take care of me and my stupid problems."
"You need to start paying me for being your therapist," Jin whispers. You take the teasing tone of his voice and giggle softly.
"Maybe I should."
"But, relationship problems are actually a thing, believe it or not, Y/N. What you're going through with Jimin right now will pass. You're in your first relationship, remember. Don't be too hard on yourself because you don't know what you're doing." Jin squeezes your arm, rubbing comforting circles on your back. "It's normal to fight, to have disagreements, to have jealousy. Work it out in a way that's unique to both of you. You know what makes him happy, right?"
You nod. "Of course I do. I make him happy. At least, that's what he told me a few weeks ago when we went on that cruise." The thought makes you sad. Is it bad that you can't be happy with him unless it's during a designated vacation?
"Y/N, look." Jin pulls away from you, brows furrowing up in that way when you know he's serious. "You love him. He loves you. Didn't you learn from the play? Sometimes, love is enough."
You scrunch your nose. "That's pretty fucking abstract."
Jin snorts, shaking his head. "Fine, I'll say it in your language. You know, food would cheer him up."
Your eyes light up, whirling around to see the chicken take out waiting for you to acknowledge it. "Right! I'll give him the drumsticks! You know, he always lets me have it, even though it's his favorite part too..."
"Now, that's love," Jin chuckles, giving you an encouraging look. "I'll come back later so you two can have a moment. Hope things work out."
"Thanks, Jin. Really," you say, nodding towards your cousin. "I'll make this whole thing up to you, somehow. Call me anytime, I'm buying a whole ass dinner for us."
Your cousin grins from ear to ear, slapping your back. "Now that's exactly what I wanted to hear!" He gives you a lasting look before picking up his things and quietly leaving through the front door.
You're greeted with silence and a bucket of fried chicken once he's gone. That's when the situation really hits you. Why am I so nervous to talk to Jimin?
You find yourself hesitating, hand lingering around the doorknob of the bedroom. Will he think the apology is cheesy?
Taking a deep breath and holding it, you slowly open the door. It's so dark in there, you have to squint to make out an outline of your boyfriend. He's sitting on the edge of the bed, hands in his face and shoulders slightly shaking. He's crying.
"J-Jimin?" you whisper, hands tightening around the bucket of chicken. No answer. So you try again. "Jimin?"
"Y/N, please," he whispers in a voice that's barely audible. "I need time alone."
You're helpless. If only Jin was here... "I... I just, um, I brought food." You cautiously tiptoe into the room, feeling the mattress dip under you as you take your seat next to Jimin. "D-Don't cry." It sounds pathetic when it leaves your lips. As if you were trying to console an eight-year-old and not a grown man in his early thirties.
You hug the bucket of chicken to your chest. "I'm sorry about earlier... You weren't being unreasonable... you were just looking out for me, I know. I just, I'm sorry I assumed anything." It's silent. Which, in part, could be a good thing because it means Jimin had stopped crying.
"Y/N..." Jimin mutters, sniffling quietly before looking up at you. It's dark, but you can still see the glistening tears as they roll down his face. You can feel them as you wipe them away with your sleeve.
"Want some chicken?" you blurt out, settling one hand on the bucket and the other on Jimin's. He doesn't flinch away this time, instead, he intertwines his hand into yours.
"Sorry, I..." He wipes his nose on the back of his other hand. "I shouldn't be crying. Dunno what came over me." Your boyfriend smiles at you in the dark, squeezing your hand. "Chicken sounds great."
"You can have alllll the drumsticks," you whisper, leaning your body against his. He's warm and his chest envelops you, making you feel safe and sound. "I know how much you love them."
Jimin looks genuinely surprised. "But you only eat drumsticks."
"What's love without a few sacrifices?"
Your boyfriend chuckles, wrapping his arm around your shoulder. "Hey, I'm sorry too, you know. I shouldn't have said what I had... that was unreasonable. I should stop bringing it up for the sake of both of us." He pauses. "Let's go downstairs where there's more light. I can't see your beautiful face here."
You blush at his words, clinging to his chest as he stands up. "I love you, you know that?" you whisper, tightening your grip on Jimin's shirt.
You don't have to be looking at him to know he's smiling. "I do know." He breathes in shakily. "I love you too."
It's funny how you and Jimin had made such a fuss over you reuniting with your high school friends. Because when Sunday finally rolled around, your boyfriend seemed really chill about you going out by yourself.
He did make sure you didn't sneak in extra painkillers in your purse, but that was more of a routine kinda thing nowadays. You're used to it. What really mattered was that when you left your shared home, he gave you a quick peck on the lips and told you to have fun.
It's enough to put you in a good mood for the rest of the day. Even when you saw the unspeakable approaching your friends at the cafe.
"Ahem... Guys, I'm right in front of you," you cough, shifting uncomfortably as you slide into the seat across from your two gay friends. You play with the handle of your teacup. "And I have eyes. And I have a brain so I know what's going on down there."
"Oh!" Taehyung shrieks, quickly jumping apart from Yoongi. They had been suspiciously close to each other when you'd first walked into the cafe. "Sorry, Y/N." He gives you a sheepish grin, attempting to hide his rather red and sweaty face. You roll your eyes.
"I'll take a quick trip to the restroom," Yoongi snorts, hiding his right hand from view as he lazily saunters off.
You roll your eyes again. If these two kept this up, by the end of this gathering, your eyes would disappear to the back of your head from the force of rolling them every second.
"Really, Tae? Publically?" you sigh.
Your friend giggles, shrugging. "I mean, the excitement factor does help. If you know what I mean."
You're actually ashamed that you know what he means. Especially when you're no stranger to such... public endeavors, thanks to Jimin.
"I guess so," you manage to squeak out, cheeks heating up as memories flash through your eyes. You awkwardly take a sip of your tea.
Taehyung laughs, peering at your face as you blush hard. "Your boyfriend's treating you well, I suppose? He better be making you happy, or I might have to have a word with him in a dark alley on sixth street or something."
"No, he's great," you chuckle. "We've been together for seven years."
Your friend's eyes enlarge. "Damn. I wish I had that much patience, but Yoongi and I've been dating for a year and we're getting married in a couple of months."
"Oh my god!" you shriek, hands covering your mouth. "You two are getting married?!"
"Fuck you, Tae, we were supposed to tell her together, you massive dodo!" Yoongi grumbles as he slides into his seat, wiping his wet hands on his jeans of what you can assume is water.
"Sorry, I just got really excited!" Taehyung giggles, leaning into Yoongi's side. "But you're invited, Y/N! You and Jungkook and your boyfriend and a lot of our high school friends!"
"We just hope we don't meet any homophobes, you know?" Yoongi sighs, shaking his head. "Lucky that this country legalized gay marriage."
"Well, I just think I'm lucky I've met you," Taehyung coos.
"Aw, Tae..."
Oh god. It's one thing if Jimin tells you that in the depths of the night, laying together in bed side by side. But it's another to see your old high school friend say it to your other old high school friend in broad daylight and not to mention right in front of you.
Still, it's nice to see such love with your own eyes. They still have the spark that every beginning relationship has—the same spark that had made your life better by tenfolds in your high school years.
"So, Y/N told me she's been with her boyfriend for seven years now," Taehyung exclaims. "Talk about a trusty foundation!"
"Damn, Y/N. Who's the lucky man?" Yoongi asks, resting his chin on his propped-up hand and listening intently for what's to come.
"Oh, er..." Well, this is gonna be awkward for a hot second. "Remember uh, Mr. Park?"
"Yeah, why?" Yoongi crinkles his nose. "What's that got to do with anything?"
"Uh, well, he's the 'lucky man,'" you laugh nervously, making air quotes with your fingers. "Sounds kinda weird, but it's been great."
"Wait. The Park Jimin?!" Taehyung shrieks, standing up. "No fucking way. You're dating him??"
"Uh, yeah."
"God, that must be kinky," Yoongi laughs, crossing his arms over his chest as he relaxes in his seat. Somehow, that action helps you become less tense. "How's that going down in the bedroom?"
"Pretty great, actually," you say. Lacking, you think.
No, it wasn't that your boyfriend was lacking in some departments, it was just... Both of you weren't fans of make-up sex, and these days, with the number of times you fought, there just wasn't any time to indulge and not call it make-up sex. So, yeah, pretty fucking lacking.
"God, I can't believe we just invited our former teacher to our wedding..." Taehyung says, scratching his head. "I hope he doesn't remember that I'm the kid that used to draw on my tests."
"You were that kid?" you snort, shaking your head. "How did you pass that class?"
"Didn't," he replies, giving you a smug look. "But on the bright side, Yoongs flunked with me so we could take summer school together."
"Am I not the best fiancé ever?" Yoongi says, puffing out his chest and winking at Taehyung.
You watch silently with an uneasy feeling growing in your stomach. Something uncomfortable and squirming was swimming around in the depths of your insides as you watched your friends who were so obviously in love. It takes you a while to finally realize it's jealousy.
You're jealous Taehyung and Yoongi still have the spark in their relationship. You're jealous of how they're perfect together. You're even jealous that they're getting married after a mere year of dating. You're jealous because you and Jimin had been perfect, just like that.
You used to have, to feel the sparks with him. Explored every crevice of each other's bodies. Whispered sweet everythings to each other when the moon was high in the sky. Dreamt of walking down the aisle in white with glistening matching rings on both of your fingers.
But that's all gone now, and you don't know when it'll return.
You should've left the cafe feeling elated for your friends, but all you felt was jealousy and a hidden pang of melancholy and guilt.
You still love Park Jimin. You're still in love with him too. You would like to get married, to have kids, to have 'a future' as he puts it. You trust him, and he, you (well, you think, you hope).
But you don't trust yourself.
"Hey, how was it? Did they change much from high school?" Jimin asks, sitting next to you on the couch. "Did you talk about me?" He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.
"Oh, yes, I did," you giggle. "Told them you were good in bed. Now they think you're kinky as heck." You snort, sighing as you snuggle deeper into the couch. "They're getting married, you know."
"Wait, what?"
"Tae and Yoongs. They're getting married and we're invited!"
"Oh good god!" Jimin exclaims, a beautiful smile blossoming on his face. "Wow, I'm so happy for them! Happy for you that they're your friends too." He pauses, eyebrows scrunching up cutely. "But you know, I'm pretty sure they were the ones that flunked my class back when I was a teacher."
"You remember that?" you ask. "Wasn't that like, seven years ago?"
"It's not easy to forget that these students failed math because they were preoccupied with doodling on their tests," Jimin laughs. "At that time, I was so stressed because of that. But I mean, look where they are now. Pretty good in life."
"Yeah..." They had the sparks and all.
"How long have they been dating? As long as us? I mean, they knew each other since high school."
Your heart plummets. "Uh, actually, they've been dating for a year."
"And they're getting married?" Jimin looks surprised but that look morphs into a grin. He nudges your arm, smiling mischievously. "What do you say? Should I propose soon?"
"Jimin..."
"What?" He pouts, leaning in to grab both of your hands. "I'm not joking if that's what you're thinking. I'm over joking about this, Y/N. I'm serious. Let's get married."
"I..." You're taken aback by his upfrontness. Never had Jimin ever pressured you into doing anything. But this... wasn't this pressuring? "Jimin, let's talk about this."
He frowns, immediately snatching his hands away from you. "Talk about it? Talk about it?!" Your boyfriend raises his voice. "We've been talking about it for months. Just a few months in seven years' time. We should be married and with kids by now, don't you think so?"
You flinch at his harsh tone, silently wondering what went wrong to start this fight. It had just begun but you were already wondering when it'd be over. If it'd be over.
"I just don't get it, Y/N. Why don't you want us to be married? We're more than financially stable. We have a home. Jin can take care of the kids if we have any. We love each other. What more can you ask, huh?"
"I..."
You can't bring yourself to say the words. Four fucking simple words. But you know saying them out loud will bring you back to a state you don't want to imagine. The truth is the most hideous, sinister thing you will never face. You're too scared. Too scared of losing everything you have with this man.
"I get it, Y/N. You're young, you're fucking 24. But think about me. I'm in my thirties. I'm getting old. By now I should be married, you know?" Jimin sighs, rubbing his temple. "I'm not... I don't..." He pauses, shutting his eyes and gathering his thoughts. But that scares you even more. "Why are you making me wait?" His eyes snap open, staring into yours without a hint of love or affection. The kind of steely eyes you see on television when the cop's interrogating the robber. "Do you... do you not love me anymore?"
The question itself punctures through your chest and you're left trying to catch your own breath, trying to breathe. He didn't just ask that. He couldn't have.
"Of course I love you!" you exclaim. "It's just... That's the only thing I'm sure of, Jimin." You can feel the tears welling up in your eyes. Tears you know will spill with one more scratch to your heart.
"What? What aren't you sure of?" Jimin looks exasperated. Sounds exasperated. As if this conversation will yet again yield a dead end for their relationship progress.
"I..."
You don't know what to say. You don't know what to say without making this worse than it already is. You open your mouth, parting your dry lips but no sound comes out. Instead, the tears flow.
"God, please don't cry." He sounds sorry. Sorry that he pushed it further than usual. And sorry that again, he wasn't getting the agreement to the marriage he wanted. "I don't know what you want." He throws his hands up in the air in defeat. "Is it my fault? Is that it? You're still mad at me, aren't you? For not doing anything when I could've. I fucked up, Y/N. Three years ago. I'm a better man now. Just, please."
"No, Jimin..." It's hard to get your words out when your tears are threatening to drown you. It's getting harder to breathe, to make coherent sentences. There are so many feelings, emotions trapped in a cage in your heart. But they're not just fluttering around like butterflies, they're lashing against your chest, mutilating it, lacerating it. They're clashing together, arguing which is the right feeling to have at the moment. Sadness? Fear? Regret? Guilt?
"It's not your fault," you manage to choke out. You feel too defeated to wipe your tears away. "It's... I just." You swallow the lump in your throat. "I'm not ready."
The same fucking excuse. The excuse you know that your boyfriend despises with his guts.
"I don't fucking understand you, sometimes," Jimin spits out, standing up from the couch and moving away from you. "Didn't you say there's no point of love without a few sacrifices? Why can't you sacrifice anything for me? Why does everyone have to sacrifice everything for you? You're not a fucking high schooler anymore. You're an adult. Fucking act like one and think of others for a change!"
Every word from that breaks you. The tears are back, blurring your vision, clotting your nose. I do think of others. I've been selfish in the past, but I've learned, I've grown. I'm being selfless now, can't you see? I don't want to hurt you. But you just think I'm the same naïve high schooler I was seven years ago. Is what you want to say, but you don't. It's as if you're stuck in oozing mud, trying to escape the sticky situation but falling deeper and deeper the more you struggle.
"Get the fuck out of the house," is all you can manage. "Get out before I say something I regret." The last sentence is more of a plead than anything else, but you hope Jimin doesn't notice.
He doesn't look sorry for this mess at all as he stomps towards the front door. You've never seen him this angry before. The way he grits his teeth, the feral glint in his squinted eyes scare you. And his voice, his tone. "You're a fucking coward, you know that?"
It's the last thing he says before he shuts the door so hard the walls shake and the floor vibrates. You close your eyes, letting the tears fall. They drip down, following the hills of your cheeks and pursuing their own paths down your face. They drop from your chin, leaving stains on your couch. Well, his couch.
Now you're lost in your emotions. Sadness? Fear? Regret? Guilt? Confusion? Anger.
these stories may be read independently, but it is recommended you go in order!
Illegirl
→ jimin x reader | f/c/a | teacher!au
→ summary: Excelling in every school subject, acing every math test and conquering the academic world is something you do as easily as breathing. As your residential social outcast nerd, you live rather as a recluse, talking to almost no one except for your dear ol’ cousin and that sweet boy in a few of your classes—Jungkook? was that his name? Befriending your ʰᵒᵗ AP stats teacher was the last thing on your high school senior agenda... but when life throws you curveballs, it is what it fucking is.
READ HERE
You & Me Both
→ jimin x reader | a/f | est. relationship!au
→ summary: Damn right, you peaked in high school. It’s true, seven years later, things just aren’t the same between you and Jimin. And you know exactly why. One teensy weensy problem though: ᴶⁱᵐⁱⁿ ᵈᵒᵉˢⁿ'ᵗ ᵏⁿᵒʷ.
READ HERE
143
→ jimin x reader | f/c | text!au
→ summary: Not to get all philosophical, but life is literally just a rollercoaster from start to finish. And you’re happy to say that you’ve been cruisin’ at the top for a while now. Who knows when you’ll hit rock bottom again? You’ve gotta live that nice life while it lasts. It’s just a question of who will join your fun...
→ summary: Damn right, you peaked in high school. It’s true, seven years later, things just aren’t the same between you and Jimin. And you know exactly why. One teensy weensy problem though: ᴶⁱᵐⁱⁿ ᵈᵒᵉˢⁿ'ᵗ ᵏⁿᵒʷ.
→ warnings: profanity, jk being better bf material than jimin
→ wordcount: 2.5k
The only routine you'll never get tired of is eating lunch with Jungkook in your office. It's actually something you look forward to every workday, something to take your mind off of stressful things.
He makes you feel important, cared for. Maybe more than Jimin has these days.
"So how's life going?" Jungkook asks, munching on his nachos as he swings his feet up on your desk.
You scowl at the action, motioning for him to put his feet down. "Want me to be honest?" you snort.
"If you want."
"Well, then it's been pretty fucking bad, sometimes." You shrug, popping a nacho in your mouth and relishing as the warm cheese melts on your tongue. "But it's okay now that you're here."
"Really?" Jungkook grins, showing you his pearly-whites as he puffs out his chest confidently. "Maybe I should always be by your side so you feel better."
You giggle, nodding. "Honestly."
It's silent for a while except for the delicious crunch of the nachos. Then:
"So, are you seeing anyone?" Jungkook asks. He looks shy, immediately ducking his head down when you look up to meet his eyes. "Y-You don't have to answer if you're uncomfortable," he mumbles, "I probably shouldn't have pried..."
"No, no, it's fine," you say, shrugging. "It's just..." You chuckle. "Well, it's gonna sound pretty bad, er awkward."
"Hm?"
"Uh, remember uh, Mr. Park?"
"The stats teacher from senior year?" Jungkook asks, cocking his head. "Yeah, of course, I do, Why?"
"Uh..." You scratch your head. "Um..."
"No way," Jungkook deadpans, mouth dropping open as he stares at you. "You're dating him?!"
"Well... Yeah," you say, laughing nervously. "Told you it's gonna sound awkward."
"Damn, Y/N," Jungkook snorts, shaking his head. "Just.... damn."
"Yeah..." you chuckle, shrugging. "Everyone thought I was gonna end up with a math genius, you know, you. They never thought it would be Jimin, though."
"Wow..." Jungkook breathes again. Then, a silly grin breaks loose from his face as he cocks his head. "For the record, I was gonna ask you out in high school, but I was too much of a chicken. I do remember confessing super indirectly, though."
You laugh, eyes lighting up as you remember exactly what your friend was talking about. "Oh my god, I remember! I didn't take the hint too." Sighing, you shake your head. "God, I'm so sorry."
Jungkook laughs as well, shrugging nonchalantly. "It wasn't your fault!" he announces while standing up dutifully. "Well, lunch's over, but wanna meet after work? I know this place..."
You smile. "Of course!"
It's been quite a while since you've been out of the house for any place other than your office. Walking around at dusk was an activity you didn't get to enjoy often, but when you did get a chance to indulge, it reminded you of how much you loved it.
The fireflies are flashing their lights near the darkening silhouettes of the grass as the sun is lazily drifting away from sight. You can see the outline of the buildings not far away, and you smile. The breeze tugs you closer to the familiar vicinity.
"This is the place you wanted to take me?" you chuckle, looking over at Jungkook who nods.
"Nostalgia, you know?"
He's right. That foreign feeling tugging at your chest had been just that: nostalgia. It caresses your heart, calms your mind and brings a small smile to your face. "Yeah, nostalgia." You nod, looking out at the familiar buildings that you'd once spent hours in, studying in your high school years. "Do you come here often?" you ask your friend.
Jungkook shakes his head. "It's my first time here since graduation, actually." A silly grin erupts from his face, "I never thought I'd actually miss this place, but man, high school was the shit."
You laugh, nodding your head vigorously. "That's what I say all the time! It means we both peaked in high school," you giggle the last part, shrugging as Jungkook whips his head around to stare at you in shock.
"Me? Peak in high school?" Jungkook asks, bewildered. "I mean, well, I haven't reached my peak yet."
"Really?" You raise an incredulous brow. "But look at you right now with your stable income and all! Especially at that young age!"
Your friend shrugs that off, fidgeting with the hem of his jacket as he starts to pick up his walking pace. "I dunno, there's just something... missing." He sounds so forlorn as he says this, hands shoved in the pockets of his jeans as he just shrugs nonchalantly.
It pains you because you know that feeling so well. Pretending like nothing's wrong when something is. "You too?" you ask, turning to your friend.
"Wait, you too?" Jungkook parrots, turning to you as well. "Like you have something missing as well?"
"Well, yeah," you admit, digging the heels of your feet into the dirt of the grass field. "Ummm, anyways," you quickly try to change the topic, "what are we gonna do here?"
"Here?" Jungkook sounds startled. "Uh, I mean, well... Do you not like it here? I mean, if you don't we can go somewhere else... Um, I just brought a small picnic dinner or something, but I should've asked if you wanted that before... Oh, fuck."
"No way! I love it! I've always wanted to have a picnic at dusk!" you squeal excitedly. "What's the menu?" Always asking the important questions.
Your friend grins. "Well, sandwiches and roast beef! But we also have a special guest, today!"
"Oh?" You raise your eyebrows. "Like a person guest, or..."
"Nope!" Junkook chirps, "the sporfs!! I looked them up and turns out, they do exist. You best know I ordered some right away! So yeah, it sounds dumb, but they're our special guest for the night. Is this okay?"
You laugh out loud, the sound seemingly echoing through the empty campus, lighting up its corridors and giving it a cordial look. "Okay?" you say, "this is like, more than okay."
If Jungkook were not a data analyst, he could also pass as your residential relationship counselor.
First off, he's patient as fuck. Second, he's a great listener. Third, he gives solid advice, even though he's been single for the majority of his life. Fourth, he's judgment-free, a trait you'd admired about him since senior year of high school.
"Maybe he's just busy these days, you know? Work, maybe? Didn't you say he just became a professor?" Jungkook asks, looking worried at your stressed figure.
"It's been months since he switched jobs, JK..." you sigh, rubbing your forehead.
"But remember when the student cheated on his test? Do you think he's still trying to fix that up at work these days?" your friend questions, rubbing his hands on his warm coffee mug. "Maybe there's just no time for him?"
"Nah, the cheating happened months ago," you shrug. "He told me it was taken care of. I just don't know anymore, you know? He's great and all, I swear, but I think the sparks are gone."
Jungkook raises an eyebrow. "Sparks?"
"How do I explain that?" you mutter to yourself. "It's that feeling you have when you really like someone. I dunno, like when someone you love talks to you, you just get butterflies in your stomach out of nowhere. You know, that kind of feeling? And when they hug you or kiss you, you feel like you're on fire."
You friend laughs. "So like actual sparks."
"Yeah, basically."
"Are you just not spending enough time with him to feel the sparks?" Jungkook asks. He takes a sip of his coffee. "Maybe go on dates."
"Yeah, I'm definitely not spending enough time with him these days," you admit. "And it's not like I don't want to go on dates... it's just he really doesn't have the time. Or we can never get our schedules to match up. I don't even know. It's probably TMI too, but our bedroom life is literally nonexistent." You slump in your chair, running a frustrated hand through your hair.
"Hey, don't be so stressed out, Y/N," Jungkook says. "There are always ups and downs in relationships. You'll be out of the slumps and to the peak very soon." He gives you a small, hopeful smile. "Talk to Jimin."
"Just talk to him?"
"Yeah. Tell him how you feel. Tell him what you told me, you know?" Jungkook says in his soft voice. "I'm here to reassure you and give you advice, but you're the only one that can actually fix things."
You nod. "Yeah. You're right... as always." A grin breaks from your face. "God, what would I have done without you?"
"Everything," Jungkook answers without missing a beat. "You're strong, Y/N. You can get through anything yourself. Trust me."
There's a fifth reason why JK is your perfect friend and counselor. He trusts you.
Today's the day shit will be solved.
Today's the day you're going to talk to Jimin, tell him your thoughts, express how you feel, actually take Jungkook's advice... You feel good about it, and you've already recited what you're going to say about a thousand times in your head.
Shit will be solved.
It's conveniently Saturday, a day you know Jimin doesn't teach. You're wearing some light-washed jeans and a gray knit sweater Jimin loves on you. You're also wearing your lucky fuzzy socks. Things will be good. Things will be all right. You're going to talk to him, and it's going to solve everything.
"Jimin?" you call, feet padding on the wooden floor as you make your way to the living room. He doesn't answer. "Jimin?" you try again. You catch sight of your boyfriend on the couch as his phone is pressed on his right ear. He's quite obviously on a phone call.
Bad timing.
You sigh, slowly walking towards Jimin as you sit next to him on the couch. "Hey," you whisper, lightly poking his leg. "Can I talk to you after that?"
Jimin shushes you silently, putting his finger to his lips and looking at you crossly before turning away.
It hurts. Such a simple little action hurts.
"Fine," you mutter, huffing as you march up the stairs, slamming the door as you whisk yourself into the bedroom. The tears fall the same time you fall on the bed.
Why had he shushed you? Why couldn't he have just nodded? Was he getting annoyed by you? Did he not care for you anymore? Did you catch him at a bad time?
The bed covers are cold when you lie there alone, so you curl up in a ball and try to halt your tears. It's okay, you tell yourself. He'll come upstairs after the call. Then we'll talk. Then things will get better. Then, we'll—
You hear the front door open and you freeze. There's a loud slam as the door shuts. You unfreeze.
"J-Jimin?" you call, your voice shaky and obviously strained. There's no answer. "Jimin?" Silence. You didn't want to believe it yourself, but he'd left. Left without saying why, left without talking to you, left without another fucking word. The tears come all over again.
Now it's hard for you to breathe. Your sight is blurry as you try to pick up your phone. Your hands are shaking. You call him. The only person that seems to care for you now.
Three rings.
He picks up.
"Y/N? Hey!" he sounds bright and cheerful.
"Jungkook..." you breathe, sniffling.
"Woah. What happened? Are you alright?" He sounds worried, and you can almost picture how he wrinkles his forehead in anxiousness. Can picture his soft, brown eyes. The tip of his cute nose.
"I..." It's hard to speak when you're crying. You hiccup, trying to calm yourself down.
Jungkook patiently waits on the other end. "It's okay, Y/N... Just let it out," he mutters.
"He left me..." you whisper, letting out a sob at the end. "I... I t-told him I w-wanted to talk... He left."
Jungkook keeps silent on the other end; you assume he's waiting to see if you're finished. Finally, he sighs. "Baby, it's okay." His voice alone brings warmth to your cold body. "He still loves you. It's okay." He solaces you. "He's probably busy and stressed, you know? He'll come back; you know he will."
"I dunno..." you whimper. "What if he wants to break up with me? What if it's his way of telling me it's over?"
"Don't say that."
"I..."
"Hey, how about this?" Jungkook hums. "I have the perfect temporarily satisfying solution!" That makes a small smile emerge amidst the tears streaking your face. "Let's meet at the ice cream parlor near Wattbucks."
"Ice cream?" you sniffle.
"Don't you know? The cold can numb the pain!"
You can't help but smile.
You don't ever question your love for Jimin. Instead, you tend to question his love for you. Maybe it's faltering after all these years. Maybe he's getting tired of you and wants to move on. You're not sure. But you're not willing to lose him either.
Today had been Jimin's day off. Before going to work, you'd kissed his cheek while he was still in bed. You'd reminded him to catch up on some household chores while you were gone. To take out the trash and get rid of the dingy spiderwebs accumulating in the bathroom. He'd nodded, half-asleep.
Maybe you should've waited until he'd woken up to remind him. When you come home, everything is how you've left it. Though anger threatens to burst out, you let out a deep breath to calm yourself. It wasn't his fault. He deserves a rest and it had been unfair of you to ask of him to do more work.
You don't feel like having dinner and judging by the empty first floor, Jimin must already be in bed. After today, you're set on going to bed early. You think you need the rest as well.
Sure enough, when you quietly step into the bedroom, you see Jimin laying on his side of the bed. You can only assume he's already asleep, so you try to be as quiet as you can as you get ready to sleep. Only when you slip into the covers right next to your boyfriend do you realize he's awake.
"You're back," he mutters.
"Mhm," you say. "Hey, Jiminie?" you ask, hopefully.
"What?" he sighs as he rolls over to face you.
"I love you," you whisper, reaching out to grab his hand. He gives it to you, but he looks confused.
"That's so sudden, Y/N," he chuckles. "Did you do something?"
That hurt. "What? No! We just used to say that to each other whenever. Remember?"
"Oh yeah. I remember," he sighs. "Well, goodnight, then."
→ summary: Damn right, you peaked in high school. It’s true, seven years later, things just aren’t the same between you and Jimin. And you know exactly why. One teensy weensy problem though: ᴶⁱᵐⁱⁿ ᵈᵒᵉˢⁿ'ᵗ ᵏⁿᵒʷ.
→ warnings: profanity, name-calling (jimin literally called yn the s-word), really bad fighting (it gets intense), mentions of depression and suicide
→ wordcount: 5.5k
You can't even pinpoint the very first error that had set off the train of wrongs in your life. But you can say a good guess is the day you kissed Jungkook. And the most recent mistake would be staying at your friends' wedding instead of following after Jimin when he'd stormed out.
The moment you step foot into the house, you see Jimin waiting for you in the living room. His legs are crossed just like his arms. Fuck, he even looks crossed, like he's been waiting for a while for you.
You knew you should've left the wedding early. You also knew to stay there would make things worse. But then again, you needed time to blow off steam, to calm yourself down for the... battle, for the lack of better words. Besides, you couldn't disappoint Taehyung and Yoongi like that. You were invited to join their wedding, not leave early and offend them with your early departure. But by doing so, you'd sacrificed your boyfriend's feelings.
"Back after a date with Jungkook?" Jimin scoffs. He stays seated, and though you're towering over him, his glare makes you feel small.
"Jimin..." you whisper, seating yourself on the couch next to him. "I swear, Jimin, Jungkook and I never dated. I'm... I'm really sorry."
Your boyfriend shakes his head. "Yeah right," he says bitterly, turning to you with a cocked eyebrow. "If you were really sorry, you would've chased after me when I left. I waited for three hours for you to come back. Three. Fucking. Hours. Oh, what do you know? Is it a coincidence that I also waited three fucking years to finally find out you cheated on me?!"
His words are like a knife to your chest.
"I'm sorry..." And you mean it, you really do. "I... I wanted to tell you, Jimin. I wanted to come clean... I... just... It was a sticky situation... But please, I do love you..."
"But obviously not enough to stay loyal to me."
You flinch at his harsh words, swallowing down the lump in your throat. "Please, Jimin... I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm so fucking sorry. I never ever wanted it to turn out like this," you whisper. Though you will the tears welling up in your eyes not to fall, they start to drip down your face. "I... I had to live with this—with myself—for three years after I cheated. It was the worst few years of my life. D-Do you know how horrible it was to live knowing that I'm completely worthless?"
Jimin snorts. "Then why didn't you tell me?" He shakes his heads, scoffing once again. "Why didn't you fucking tell me?!"
"I-I couldn't, Jimin, please... I couldn't without explaining everything... I was in no position to explain... I was young, confused, stupid, lonely... I don't know! I couldn't tell you... I kept pushing it off until it all happened three years ago... I'm sorry..."
"Those are fucking excuses, Y/N! You're such a fucking slut! I waited for seven fucking years like a total dumbass for you to be ready. I should've suspected you were cheating! God, I'm so stupid!" he yells, burying his face in his hands.
You know very well that Jimin has every right to be angry. So you're silent, hands fidgeting in your lap as your tears blind your vision.
The silence sets in like a suffocating blanket.
"You know what? I get it now," Jimin sighs. He looks up at you, and you can see the tears brimming in his eyes. "You were never going to be ready. You were going to fuck Jungkook on the side and keep me waiting for years until one day you elope with him and leave me. Isn't that fucking it? You were going to pretend to love me so I could pay the bills, provide you extra love—real love—and provide you extra sex! You're disgusting!"
Something inside you snaps.
"Shut the fuck up!" you yell, standing up as your fists shake with rage. "You have no right to say that to me! You have no idea how much it hurt me inside!"
"Yeah, and then you'd take that hurt and go rage fuck some other guys!" Jimin stands up as well, glaring down at you, but you don't cower away.
"I fucking didn't! You know, I tried to kill myself over this! You don't know anything!"
Jimin laughs scornfully. "And I wonder why I didn't know." He laughs again. "Or do you want to tell me the reason three years later?"
"I fucking apologized! What more do you want from me?"
"I want the fucking truth, Y/N! I can't trust a word coming out of your mouth right now!"
You grit your teeth. "Oh yeah? Maybe I can't trust a word you're saying!" you yell. "I wonder the fuck why I cheated on you! You never cared for me; you only cared about your stupid fucking job! Maybe if you actually paid attention, I wouldn't have had to love someone else! Besides, I saw you checking out that college chick! You're not so fucking innocent yourself!"
"You're an idiot!" Jimin screams, fisting his hair and scowling at you in utter disbelief. "I wanted to care for you, but all you fucking did was push me away! That's on you, not me—"
"And maybe you're getting so defensive because you cheated on me!"
"You're the only cheater here, Y/N," Jimin scoffs. "How fucking dare you accuse me of doing something so lowly! I didn't fucking think you were so sensitive to actually be offended about that girl! All we did was get some free fucking cake! It didn't fucking mean anything!"
"You're the fucking idiot! That's exactly what we did seven years ago! Do you understand how much that hurt me inside?!"
"And you think I'm not hurting after I found out you actually cheated on me with Jeon Jungkook? I'm gonna kill that motherfucking bastard!"
"You're fucking sick!" you shout, tears brimming your eyes, threatening to spill down your contorted face. "Leave Jungkook out of this!"
"Do you still love him? Is that it?!" Jimin accuses you. He takes a step back, catching his breath and tears staining his red cheeks.
You don't. You don't at all. "Maybe I fucking do! What are you gonna do about it? Date that college bitch? Watch out or everyone's gonna start calling you a fucking pedophile!"
The hurt on Jimin's face almost makes you regret your words. But he opens his mouth and speaks, and you're glad you'd spit out that insult.
"Those are big fucking words to be coming out of the mouth of a cheater!" Jimin yells. "Now," he scoffs, "fucking tell me—because I want to know—is he better than me? Does he worship you like a queen? Is he a better kisser? Is he smarter? Kinder? How does he fucking put up with you?!"
"He puts up with me better than you do!" Angrily, you wipe the tears that are starting to blur your vision. "He puts me first! He's not selfish, he's kinder, smarter, wiser. He treats me as his equal and for the record, he is a better kisser!"
"Why don't you go fuck him then?!"
"You're disgusting!"
"It sounds a lot like you still love him, Y/N!"
No. No, I don't. "I like him a lot more than you, at the moment!"
"This is fucking insane!" Jimin throws his hands up in the air. "I got cheated on, but I'm the one who's at fault!" He shakes his head, glaring at you. "Fine. You know the fuck what? My parents were right. I shouldn't be dating you. To think they were actually right! Who would've known?"
"Yeah, your parents must be sooo fucking proud of you, huh?"
"You're the one to talk! You ditched your parents years ago!"
You flinch, but you don't back down. "So? I turned out more successful than you! I mean, how talented are you if you only landed some job as a teacher?!"
"Do you really think you have the right to argue with me? You're the one who cheated on me! I mean, how fucking desperate were you to do something like that?"
"Maybe because you weren't there for me when I needed it! Maybe I wouldn't have needed a therapist if you were there for me!"
"And maybe I wasn't there for you because newsflash! not everything is about you, Y/N!"
"Fine!" you yell, "but none of this would've happened if you hadn't kissed me when I was still a fucking minor! How desperate were you to seduce a goddamn high school student?!"
"Fuck you! You don't even mean your apology!"
"Maybe I don't!"
"God!" Jimin screams, running a forceful hand through his hair. "Our whole relationship was a mistake!"
"I agree!"
"And to think I wasted seven years with you!"
It stings. Slices a bloody gash through your heart.
You're heaving for breath as he is. Both of you are sobbing, trying to keep your voices steady for the next attack. But you're tired of the madness. You don't even think you have the energy to yell anymore.
So, without another word, you make your way to the front door, your dress sticking to your sweaty body as you take each step. Right before you slam the door shut, you look behind, making eye contact with Jimin.
You open your mouth, the words at the very tip of your tongue. But you can't bring yourself to say anything else. So you turn away and slam the door, leaving as a sobbing mess. You run blindly, fists clenched and lips parting with incoherent sobs.
You run away from the seven years' worth of memories, the seven years' worth of happiness... the seven years' worth of love.
He watches you leave, fists shaking with rage but tears dripping down his face.
"Go, then you fucking coward!" he yells after the door slams shut. But he knows you didn't hear him. And maybe he shouted that knowing you wouldn't hear.
Jimin sinks to his knees, burying his face in his hands. He shakes in anger, thoughts spiraling out of control and emotions on the loose.
"What the fuck!" he shrieks at the floor, pulling at his hair in frustration. "FUCK!"
He roughly wipes the stupid tears that are blocking his vision, but new ones form, taking their predecessor's place. Jimin gives up.
He's on his hands and knees on the cold floor, feeling unbelievably worked up and furious. When he dares to finally stand up, his eyes fall on that silly Christmas nutcracker you and he had decided to buy during your cruise trip. You had insisted to put it out for decoration way before Christmas just to spite Jin.
Now, looking at the nutcracker, Jimin's reminded of you. He's disgusted. Blinded by tears and rage alike, he flings the Christmas toy hard on the ground. And the crash that follows rings in Jimin's head.
You had no fucking right to make him feel like everything was his fault. You cheated on him. With the same bastard guy that Jimin had once trusted and actually liked. He feels hurt, betrayed... weak.
He had trusted you... He had trusted you so much that he had decided to focus on his career just a bit more. He had thought his relationship with you was stable; he would've never decided to pursue a better career if he hadn't thought your relationship was completely solid. Maybe he had neglected you accidentally. But that gave you no right to go out and have an affair with another man.
Y/N's not the only one that had to go through bad shit.
Jimin had gone through a rough patch in the beginning stages as a college professor. He didn't want you to be stressed for him, of course, so he tried not to talk about work so much. Maybe he accidentally let things slip once or twice...
He will never forgive himself for ruining the amazing date he was supposed to have with you by letting it spill that someone had cheated on his exam. But he thinks he kept the rest of it pretty well-hidden from you.
You had no idea about the lawsuit, either.
It'd stretched on for what seemed like years; he was constantly consumed, haunted by it during his working hours, but the thoughts of it followed him home as well.
It was just rotten luck. He hadn't known the girl who had cheated on his exam would backstab him, accuse him of doing things he hadn't done. He had never known things would become that serious. So he tried his best to solve the problem on his own.
In the end, his priority was you; he didn't want you to worry about him over this stupid problem.
For months on end, he worked his fucking ass off to make things right again, to redeem himself in his new workplace and gain back the popularity amongst students and staff. He tried so fucking hard to rid the untrue but nasty rumors that shadowed him after the incident. And it was going so well...
He'd tutor students after school at nearby cafes and often take his coworkers out for a drink. He did everything he could to win back his reputation. And it was working. He was stressed out all the time, barely getting the sleep he deserved and minimally truly happy, but things were looking up. He plowed right through negative thoughts—he told himself, there's no point in wasting time self-pitying; if I can get enough shit done now, face my problems head-on, I'll be happier in the future. Things were getting better.
But Jimin hated sacrificing so much of his time for work; it was all the time he could've been spending with you. Then again, he had figured it's better to keep you in the dark than burden you with his problems. He was sure you had your own difficulties, especially after graduating from college.
But I tried so hard to make up for my absence.
After the whole stupid incident had blown over, Jimin was ready to shower you with the love and affection you deserved. But it was you who had pushed him away again and again. You were distant, cold and a bit out of your head. So he waited patiently for you to become your cheerful, warm self. But you never did.
And at one point, his patience ran short.
Fine. If you didn't want to spend your spare hours with him, he wouldn't either. He'll give you all the time you needed to get your shit together—maybe you were going through something at work you didn't want him to know. He would understand. So he left you to cope.
What he didn't know was that you'd been so distant, so cold because you'd loved another man. It's enraging. He had tried to pay more attention to you. He loved you, cared for you. Wanted to get married and take the relationship to the next level. But you had pushed him away. You had lied to him for three fucking years. Kept him in the dark for over a thousand days.
I thought she was better than that.
Jimin doesn't understand. He doesn't understand depression, suicide or frankly how someone can even get to the point of wanting to have to take their life with their own hands.
How do you even get to that state of unhappiness in the first place? Why didn't she try to get help? Why did she keep everything to herself? How could she do that to herself, to me? Why did she let her emotions overcome her?
He doesn't know the answers to those questions. But here's one thing he does know: he hates you for doing this to him.
He stares solemnly at the broken nutcracker. Its head had fallen off and rolled depressingly under the couch. The body looks stiff and mangled at the same time. For some reason, the sight angers him even more.
Fuck Y/N, Jimin thinks. Fuck her and her selfish antics.
He's waited seven years for you. You only had to wait several months for him to get out of his slumps. And you repay him by cheating.
Fuck Jeon Jungkook. Fuck everything.
He wants to throw things, turn the whole house upside down, cry and destroy the whole fucking street, but he can't.
Am I really worse than him? Am I really a lesser man than Jungkook? Was I undeserving of Y/N this whole time?
Jimin shakes his head. Fucking pathetic. He shouldn't be blaming himself for something you did to him.
God, he should be fed up with you. You, the lying, self-centered, bitch that you are. The one who's broken him time and again. And the one he's stupidly and blindly loved for seven years straight without letting another woman borrow his heart.
Jimin's undeniably angry, but deep inside, in some crevice of his mind, he doesn't want you out of his life.
You haven't been this angry in years. In fact, angry might not even be enough to cover the raging emotions encased in your chest. You're furious. Possibly seething with pure lividness. The enragement bubbles inside of you, and sometimes you have to contain yourself from smashing the nearest object into smithereens. You want to tug out every hair out of your body, claw and scratch at your skin, bite your nails until all that's left are bloody nail beds, and you still know fully well that it won't be enough to satiate your fury.
This sort of anger seems to be on par with the devil, himself.
But you convince yourself your rage is from years and years of suppressing it. Three years of not letting yourself become too angry because, in the end, you were the most at fault. You were drowned in the guilt. But now the secret's out. Jimin knows you cheated on him; he fully knows and chose to call you a slut. He chose to ignore your pleadings, to refuse to understand your circumstances. He called your seven-year relationship a mistake. He said it had been a waste of time.
And even before that, he'd ignored you for so long you actually had the time and enough space in your heart to love another man. If he'd really been there for you, you wouldn't have needed a therapist. Hell, maybe you wouldn't even have tried to kill yourself.
Why the fuck did I want to hold on so much?
It was a dying relationship, as you see so clearly now. But maybe it was the comfort that lured you in. You came home every day knowing that you shared the place with him. You went on occasional dates with him. You even thought about settling down with him. Why would you need to leave something that was so set out and perfect for you? Is love alone really enough to satiate any relationship?
They're questions you can't answer, especially when you don't know if your relationship with Jimin is over yet. You've completely shut off your phone. Though it's something you don't want to admit out loud, it would kill you inside if Jimin had sent you a breakup text. And you don't have the courage to initiate the breakup either. If you want to break up, that is.
You're angry, confused. You hate him—fucking despise him for not understanding, for putting the whole blame on you. You hate how his words haunt you even today, and the only thing you can do is hope your words are hurting him as well.
But you also don't want to break up. Or, at least, you don't want to do anything rash before calming your fury.
Honestly, you would think taking a few days off would calm you down, but it's still hard to go a minute without wanting to scream your lungs out in frustration.
What the fuck am I doing?
You've been living in a hotel room for the past week, too embarrassed and sorry to turn up to your cousin for help. And too fucking angry to go back to your home. Your life is a mess.
Almost as if on cue (to clean up the mess that is your life), someone knocks on your room door. The suddenness makes you jump. You swear you hadn't ordered room service. But you can't trust yourself with anything these days. The clouds in your mind are so thick, it's quite possible you unconsciously ordered yourself a nice bottle of wine. So you trudge over to the door, wiping the streaked tears off your face. Your hands latch onto the door handle, and with a small grunt, you unlock it and heave it open.
There you are, face to face with your very own cousin: Kim Seokjin. He's holding a takeout bag, but he drops it the moment he sees you, embracing you in a tight hug.
"Y/N..." he mutters, squeezing your arms as he lets go. "Do you have any idea how long I've been looking for you?" He doesn't sound mad at all. Rather, the worry etched on his face is too evident.
"Well..." you trail off, sighing. "I didn't want to be found for a while."
"Well, I assumed that... Took me a while to track you down," Jin sighs. He picks up the takeout bag and invites himself in your hotel room. Your cousin calmly sits down on your unmade bed, gesturing you over to sit across from him on the armchair. You do as he motions. "You know, Jimin came over a few days ago. He thought you ran away to my place."
You raise your eyebrows.
"Obviously, I had no idea where you were," Jin clarifies. "Didn't tell Jimin that."
"Yeah... obviously," you parrot. "He wanted to apologize, huh?"
Your cousin snorts, shaking his head. "Probably the last thing from apologizing, actually. He looked pretty pissed off. Sounded pissed off."
"God..." you mutter under your breath. You look down at your toes, fidgeting your fingers that had suddenly accumulated sweat. "D-Did he... Jimin tell you what the fight was about?"
What would Jin think of me cheating? And cheating on his best friend?
"No, he didn't," Jin says. He sounds so sure. Almost as if he's being honest, but you're his goddamn cousin. Sometimes, it's obvious when he's lying.
You frown incredulously.
Upon your disbelief, Jin sighs. "Fine. He did tell me." You look down to the floor, too embarrassed beyond words to face your cousin. "Y/N, look at me," your cousin says, "I'm not shaming you am I?"
"Well..."
"I'm not shaming you and I'm not going to," Jin says. "I just don't think you're the type of person to 'fuck other guys for attention.' I know there was another reason that... maybe you didn't communicate across to Jimin."
"Jimin said that?" Your bottom lip quivers as the hurt washes over you all over again. "Me? Fuck other guys for attention? Fucking preposterous! The nerve of the bastard!"
Jin looks taken back at your outburst as he sighs again. "I guess both of you are still angry at each other..." He pauses. "I just... well, I want to hear your version of the story, Y/N."
"I... I don't want to make it seem like I had an excuse to cheat..." you mumble. "I know what I did was wrong. I know it... I just-I thought Jimin would've taken it better... I dunno," you sigh. "Somewhere, in the back of my mind, I thought he would hug me and tell me it's okay and that we can be over it... And we can get married... and just—" You abruptly halt your ramble, groaning as you bury your face in your hands. "I... I know I said things I shouldn't have... But he made it seem like I was the evilest person on the planet..." you whisper.
"Hey, hey..." Jin says softly. You can feel his soft hand on your shoulder. "You're obviously not the evilest person on the planet, Y/N... I'm not forcing you to say anything if you don't want to... I know you're angry right now, but I know you also need someone to listen to your story. It'll make you feel better, you know."
"I... I don't know if I want to feel better, Jin. I don't know if I deserve to feel better..."
Jin sighs. He pries your hands away from covering your face. Looks you in the eyes. Smiles. "Hey, everyone makes mistakes. You know why I haven't called you a two-faced bludgeoning pig whore, yet? Because I can see that you're sorry, Y/N. You've... well, you've cheated on Jimin, but you feel sorry. You regret it. You don't want to do it again."
You nod stupidly. "I don't," you whisper. "I don't ever."
"And that's what counts, Y/N. You've seen how big cheating gets blown up in media, right? That's because there are some really, really bad people out there. Some that think love is a chessboard and their lovers are the chessmen to play. They think of cheating as a sport, without ever feeling guilty. Love isn't a game, Y/N, and you know that." Jin gives you a stern look. "I think you've learned your lesson."
"I shouldn't have kept it a secret for three years," you sigh. "I should've told him the night it happened..."
"But you'll tell him too. You'll tell him soon. Just let everything out to me now, okay? We'll figure out how to deal with Jimin after, alright?" Jin says. He leans in to hug you, patting your back. "It'll be all right."
So, for the first time in forever, you were the actress and Jin was the audience. You tell him your story with words, of course, but also with a mixture of raw emotion and vivid hand gestures. Your cousin doesn't interrupt once; in fact, he makes sure not to show any reaction to your storytelling at all. He's waiting for you to finish so he can wrap up his own thoughts.
You have a lot to say. After all, it's been three years.
It's been too long. Precisely 3 weeks, actually. Jimin's counted every day, every hour, every second. Time passes by slowly without you, he knows for sure. It's crazy how all of his rage had evaporated over the course of a month—what is left is this solemn, melancholy feeling that echoes emptily in his chest.
What is left is regret. Things that should've been done, could've been done.
The house is cold without you. It's funny because, in the first several days, Jimin was completely living without your presence. Now he misses you so much it hurts.
He doesn't know why things had escalated that way; he shouldn't have said the things he said. And he wonders if you said things you regret as well.
We should've talked more. We should've fixed it before it blew up in our goddamn faces.
It's too late, but it doesn't hurt to ruminate.
I've been so dense. I should've known it looked bad... to be tutoring that girl in that cafe with all that complementary food. God, I should've cleared up that misunderstanding. I should've said something.
I shouldn't have kept the lawsuit a secret—no matter how embarrassing it was, I should've kept her involved. I should've paid more attention to her. I should've shown her my love. I should've given her the care she deserved. God, I should've done so many things.
I wonder if she's thinking about me. If she still hates me... I wonder if she's okay... Maybe she's staying at a friend's house? Maybe, possibly... at Jungkook's place?
Maybe they're together now. Maybe she's on her way right now to break up with me. Maybe it's over between us. I should've done so many things. If I had done the things I was supposed to, I wouldn't be in this situation.
I thought she was really the one. Maybe she is... and I just ruined it. Goddammit it all. I need a drink.
Jimin pads over through the mess of empty beer cans, reaching into the fridge for another. He absentmindedly cracks it open, taking a long sip, closing his eyes and relishing in the feeling. If he's drunk, he'll feel better.
When he feels his phone buzzing in his back pocket, he nearly drops the can of beer in a rush to reach for it. Y/N? Is she calling me? Does she want me to find her?
Jimin's face falls as he sees the caller ID. It's his mother. A part of him wants to ignore the call, but the larger part of him urges to pick up. Maybe it's urgent.
"Mom?" Jimin croaks into the phone.
"Why do you sound like that?" his mother asks. "Are you sick?"
"I... Um, no," Jimin says, setting down his beer. "I, um, just woke up," he quickly lies.
"It's two in the afternoon, Jimin. You should be working! Isn't your girlfriend at work? Why can't you be more like her? I think you should try for a job in her company, don't you think?"
"I dunno, Mom," Jimin sighs. "I like my job as it is..."
"Stubborn," his mother tsks. "How are things with Y/N? When are you going to get married? I want to see grandchildren before I die!"
"I..."
"Where is she? Are you two free for dinner today?"
"I don't know where she is, Mom."
"What? What do you mean you don't know where your girlfriend is?" Jimin's mother accuses. "You need to pull yourself together and take initiative! Y/N's waiting for you to propose! Have you even picked out a wedding ring yet? You've been dating her for seven years, Jimin. It's time you make it official. Y/N's perfect for you! She's beautiful, smart, independent and extremely, extremely well-grounded. She'll make a perfect wife, you know? And she has a stable job. Girls like her only come once in a lifetime, Jimin. Do you need helping planning the proposal? I know just the right locations! I think I can call up some people—ooh, my friend's cousin's daughter's husband is a professional photographer! Maybe we can—"
"MOM, IT'S OVER, OKAY?" Jimin yells. "Stop it, please." He's shaking from his outburst, feeling the tears well up in his eyes again. Pathetic. "I... Y/N left. We fought... I don't... I don't know if she'll be back."
"WHAT?! For how long?!"
"It's been three weeks..." Jimin whispers, sinking down to the ground. "I messed up, Mom."
"Jimin..." his mother sighs. "You didn't do anything to change things? You didn't follow after her?"
"I was too mad at her to do any of that... I dunno, I regret so many things. I don't know what to do." He sniffles, completely humiliated that he's crying with his mother on the other line.
"Son, don't cry. You know, I didn't push you out for you to give up that easily. That girl will be back. I'm sure of it," his mother declares. "She's crazy for you, I can tell. Just as you're crazy for her. She'll come back soon, okay? Hang in there. When she's back, you can talk to her. Solve things out; I know you're an excellent problem solver. You'll be fine."
"Thanks, Mom..." Jimin nods weakly. "You really think she's going to come back?"
"If she doesn't, you can always find someone else!" his mother proclaims. "You're handsome, intelligent and you've got class. It won't be hard to find another perfect girlfriend. Y/N? Forget her! She walked out on you. If she doesn't come back, it's her loss, alright? But I doubt it. She'll come back. I've seen the way she looks at you, Jimin. You're not gonna find that in someone else so easily."
Jimin hums, smiling nostalgically. Right. He remembers the way you used to look at him. Like he was the only sparkling gem in the whole wide world.
He wonders if he'll ever be able to witness that sight again.
"I didn't raise an unconfident man, Jimin. Stay strong, son."
"I will, Mom. Thank you... I'm sorry I let you down."
"Park Jimin, you are never a letdown, you know that? Never say that to me again! What did I just tell you? Don't be so unconfident! Be self-confident, okay? You're going to be fine. Now, about that dinner night..."
