I woke up from a vivid nightmare I have to talk about. This is way too realistic so don’t read if it’s triggering.
Aside from how I got here, the earliest I could go back was that I was singled out by an old white guy (genuinely looks like it could be anyone) who’s on discord and I forgot what we were talking about, but we were calling and I had his video on the tv. I was invited to a server he owned, where there were other people as well. I called in my parent’s bedroom, the one I could go into anytime, in my house.
Whenever I ignored the man to do something around the house, (thus I wasn’t on camera) he got angrier. And I remember I was trying to talk to him about something, but my words weren’t coming out right, and he started getting gradually more upset but even then I couldn’t speak, I kept stuttering, and then I saw his elderly wife, and I could tell he’s going to hurt her.
I was sitting on the bed when I jumped off, and I tried to find my dad to tell him about my distress. That’s when he called me from the bathroom right beside the door out of his bedroom. He was asking me, because he was choking my mom out, with a rag over her mouth and nose, I could only see her bloodshot eyes and tears coming out, and her eyes were wide opened so I know she’s seeing what’s happening (specifically, WHO’s doing it to her), he asked me if I could ensure this rag was muffling her so she couldn’t breathe. I tried to take it off her nose, but it was sealed shut because of his grip and I realised he had just asked me to cooperate with his murder when he knew even if I tried to help her, it wouldn’t work. I looked her, then I looked at him, and I saw everything in great detail. He was smiling, he stumbled out of the shower to bring her closer to me when I came in the bathroom. It was undeniably my dad, strangling my mom, and nobody else. His hand was gripping on her neck with so much force that there was nothing I could do for her even if I freed her nose from suffocation. My mom’s neck in real life is frail, her skin sags down and expose all the muscles and tendons holding her head up. I knew the immense pain she must be in. So I looked at my dad, asking why he’s doing this? Even his hand was really his, sculpted like real life. I thought any moment now he would let go of her and treat this like a joke or something. I know this can’t possibly be true, so I left the dream state. I didn’t wake up abruptly. It felt like I faded out from the dream. My heart was aching so much. It genuinely felt like someone had gripped it and forced it to beat frantically.
In the end, what can I say? I wasn’t getting into sleep easily tonight. I already had hallucinations before falling asleep, where I feel like there’s something small crawling on me and irritating my skin, or sounds that were definitely not here that sounded like a lizard’s crying (I hadn’t bring the gecko into my room, so this couldn’t be it). But what I knew for sure was that I had experience something similar in my exomemories, so I ended up grafting the face of my body’s parents on top of this traumatising scenario.
I don’t want to tag this post. It’s probably better if nobody finds this. This has just been very distressing to go through. I guess it happened because I was digging too deep into my traumas today. My headmates asked about it, and I showed them too much.
