#yarpish

[espurr-bplot]

i imagine it like this pulsing black thing covered in veins and slime, lumpy and disgusting like fat and flesh; you can barely see the detail save for reflections of light on its slickness

it's a horrible vile thing like a million tumors

it made me sick, day in, day out, making me dark inside, eating away at everything that's left

it finally comes out, it finally, finally comes out, writhing in front of me with a heartbeat of its own

i realize i have no insides anymore, this was all that was left

it's finally gone, it's finally gone, who cares if i'm gone with it, who cares if i live

[espurr-bplot]

You offer your hand, wanting to help

You are a sharp and desperate thing, you only know how to take and be taken from

When he takes it, your claws clamp on his wrist, until the bone breaks

You help him up, he stands beside you

If you mustered the strength to let go, his hand would hang limp by his battered sides

In helping him, you remained the same monster

In his loneliness, he let you believe there was nothing wrong with you

[espurr-bplot]

I want to be big, bigger than you, coiling and suffocating

I want my knuckles tight with tension and my claws in your skin, limp under the weight of what I am

Something more powerful than you, impossible to ignore, a monstrous thing that is on you the moment you look up, the moment you see it

With teeth that could pierce your skull, a physicality that renders you insignificant

I want to be bigger than the room, than a building, than the city you inhabit

I want to swallow you in my all-encompassing rage, withered and dead into apathy for the minuscule world below me

I want to grow past everything that matters, I want to surpass it, to be the inevitability of the universe

I want to be the cycle itself

[espurr-bplot]

Can you imagine how nice it would be, to be surrounded in soft earth as you slowly fall asleep. Soft, warm, sunkissed earth.

[espurr-bplot]

Imagine laying down in the grass and closing your eyes.

There's no unnecessary noise, just a calm breeze that's warm on your skin.

A pleasant numbness sets in, you feel your arms and legs tingle.

You stay with the feeling for a while longer, just appreciating it, reveling in it.

As the rest of your body becomes warm and absent, you realize the dirt is cradling you, taking you deeper.

You know the Earth is bringing you home. The grass, so tall now, curls around and around.

You look up, half-sunken. The sun is watching you go. You say goodbye.

When you close your eyes again, you are no longer alive, now one with the dirt.

Your last feeling is nature returning around and over you, as if you had never been there.

You have never been more at peace. What a beautiful day to die.

[espurr-bplot]

because of you i'll never be able to see it the same again

i know how this works

the love is still there buried under the poison

but the poison is all i see now

i know you're scared of people leaving you

you're scared of me leaving

but i'm scared of staying here

[espurr-bplot]

one-sided glass

the version of me who killed herself when she first wanted, and what i am now

she looks into a black screen, unable to see what could have been, just knowing it is there and beyond her reach

she says she wishes she could have lived long enough to see what she could have become

i stand looking down at her. she is dead. she is an angry child with too much on her shoulders. she could have grown into a better person. she can't now

i look down at her and wish i could feel like she does. it's unfair.

i can't say anything

my hands hit the glass and all i can do is scream and cry, "i want to die too!"

in the end, neither of us are alive.