so today we had the school open evening and I said "cool beans i'll help my school i awesomesauce my school it's a pretty neat place to be" and signed up for the 4-6 shift
but we had to come in early so like 3:30?
and then i offered to help set up the guided tours and organise the masses in the great hall and be LOUD and CHIPPER and for a glorious 4 hours I was mapgirl! here to save the world with maps! which was actually a nightmare b/c me with a large pile of paper + general clumsiness= not a good thing? i dropped a lot of paper and it was really ridiculously hot in the hall, no lie i am cry
but me and a friend and a teacher spent hours, actual hours, on our feet, organising people into groups and setting up the year 10s and 12s to lead people around the school. answer ridiculous, dumb questions that I am not qualified for because hello, do i look like an adult? this level of confidence is just an act, trust me
i talked non-stop. possibly influenced by exhaustion, hunger and a lot of caffeine, i (no lie) couldn't shut my mouth, which helped when i had to parrot the same experiences over and over again, "MAP? GUIDE?" I cried.
but the problem was that there were not enough guides- by the second shift, which I volunteered for on the spot (are you questioning my sanity yet? i am.) there were barely any people in the hall and they all kept vanishing to hidden, unknown places to take crack or fuck or do whatever year 10s do.
we ran out of guides and i was abandoned, isolated, holding a stack of paper and trying to prove to 50 odd parents and children that i was ridiculously sorry and embarrassed but there weren't enough guides, that there wasn't any time and that maybe they could do the tour themselves I'M SO SORRY
I apologised and stressed and started shaking, and i honest to god think i had a little breakdown, during which i couldn't breathe properly and i kept talking and trying to show people that our school was good whilst completely unable to, b/c seriously, where were the fucking guides? why did no one understand or respect my struggz?
it's infuriating because i spent far longer than i should have helping out and organising things. i would have liked to have gone to the departments and idk, given a tour, but i wasn't able to and instead i just had to talk and talk and stress and panic and do things for LITERALLY no reason because this means nothing and no one cares and i'm not even supposed to do this.
the teacher doesn't know my name
who am i to cry about my feet
