#yellow rambles

[yellllowstar]

something something "hello world" being a common test phrase/example for programming languages/first thing people learn when learning programming, something something "hello gordon" being the first thing dr coomer says and the thing he says probably the most often. is this anything.

[yellowhollyhock]

Fanfiction is a different type of skill than original writing. Like with all art, I don't believe fanfic *should* be skilled necessarily, it's for everyone (like all art!!) and sometimes the best pieces aren't the most technically skilled. But what I mean is that, like with all art, people who love doing it will become skilled at it and it's a different, though highly transferrable, skillset than writing an original piece

long post

Fanfiction is a type of analysis

You're communicating with an existing canon. An original story about the journey of healing isn't saying the same thing as a fanfiction about healing in a canon where it seemed impossible. An original story about two unlikely people falling in love is commenting on a culture and society that tried to keep them apart; a fanfiction about the same is questioning the original author's reasons for not bringing them into focus or allowing them to grow in certain ways.

It may not be conscious, or it may be. But by it's nature fanfiction is in conversation with the original text, and is thus different from an original story. This difference is a bit more nebulous as a good original story is also in conversation with known genres, tropes, social situations, etc, but it is still a different thing to converse with Fairytales as a whole than to zoom way in in a specific retelling of Cinderella. Instead of making up characters, you're staying in character. Both difficult, and quite different

Fanfiction is often therapeutic

Like simply to a different degree than other writing is. Kinning, self-shipping, regular shipping, whump--it doesn't have to be processing your own real life, but it is a good space for it. Writing an original story is a lot about thinking of larger implications and nitpicking to get the exact tone, the exact effect on the audience that you want. Receiving and engaging with stories is very much more about You. And people can hone the craft in different ways. There's a space there that original stories can't reach, or if they do it feels awkward, like when someone tries to change a song to a genre that doesn't fit the emotion

Fanfiction as absurdism

Absurdism can be in any type of writing, but fanfiction is a space where I see people exploring it in a way that original stories often won't, or can't because the thing would fall apart. Putting the characters in literal random situations, making them unsure as to why they're there. You can go the Saturday Morning Cartoon route and play it as a joke. You can put those guys in a coffee shop and never acknowledge that there's any other way. Existential horror is also an option.

I mean of course any story can be anything. But there was something special that used to happen a lot with fanfiction, at least certain fandoms back when i used to read em in like ehh 2011ish? Where writer and characters interacted, or characters complained about being in another truth or dare story. In original story that would have fundamentally changed the genre. In fanfiction it was charming and witty.

And I think we should hold onto that. I think we should take advantage of the weird spaces we can reach because what we're writing is fanfiction

[yellllowstar]

the storytelling and lore in subnautica is very interesting, in that you are pretty much never given a full complete picture of anything, you are pretty much just handed a bunch of fragments and you have to try to piece together, which in a way is realistic, after a crash like that of course youre not going to just find the full life story of someone, of course its just going to be little bits, a scene or 2 here and there, and/or whatever logs they happened to record after the crash. even with the degasi survivors keeping general logs of the most important events, or personal logs with their own thoughts and opinions on things, it makes sense that not everything everything was recorded because their focus is probably more on survival than anything else. and then with the alien stuff obviously its an alien language that has never been encountered before, and while the pda is a very advanced machine and can manage to translate some of it, theres still lots of stuff that its probably missing. (not to mention its unlikely that these research bases are going to have like a full history of the species or anything like that around here.) the sort of "cracks" in the storyline are i think part of what makes it so fun though, its a sort of puzzle that you have to piece together, and there are so many different ways to interpret things. ive probably seen the exact same scene interpreted at least a half a dozen different ways by different people, and the thing is that none of those interpretations are inherently wrong, because theres just so much that is unsaid in these, or implied in some way that could be taken in any number of ways. i think theres something really cool and kind of beautiful about all of these interpretations all existing and all coexisting because of none of them really being inherently wrong, because theres just so much that you arent told. anyways, all of that to say: CTO yu and berkeley are bi4bi and you literally cant prove that thats not canon.

[yellllowstar]

subnautica is a good game for all the normal reasons but also because you get to learn about the relationship drama between two characters that in no way will affect you ever and i think thats awesome.

[yellowhollyhock]

you know a lot of times i work with kids who are really worried about growing up. who are very aware that their time to figure out who they are and enjoy childish hobbies is limited. who can't picture themselves as successful adults, who can only see adulthood as hard work

and i wish i could tell them. i mean i wish i know how to help them really believe. having a full time job is hard, no doubt. Childhood is its own kind of magic, no doubt.

But they've never been able to find themselves awake in the middle of the night and just simply go on a walk. there's nothing else like your hometown in the middle of the night. there's nothing else like living outside of your plans. also? what about the magic of making plans. when you're 13 it's a lot harder to just plan a tea party, or a game night. when you're a kid it's a lot harder to find a place on the map you want to see and simply go. when you're a kid it's a lot harder to see what's happening in your community and become part of it. there's so much ahead for you. farmer's markets, unplanned hikes, strangers at airports. getting to decide independently how much time you spend on your hobbies, regrets and all. being an adult is a lot of work but so is being a kid. you will never have your childhood again and you can feel the tragedy of that but you know what? the tragedies are part of the magic too. you can't understand yet. you can't even comprehend how much more is ahead than behind. sometimes you will lose yourself in the tedium of survival and then you get to be found all over again.

you have your whole life to keep on finding yourself, and i won't say being an adult is so much better because actually, it's up and down, just like childhood. but it's not so wildly different. you'll keep on learning how to be a human for decades after you turn 18 and it's a fabulous adventure

[yellllowstar]

miscellaneous hl2vrai act 2 thoughts that are several days late because ive been lazy about typing all of this and posting it:

wish i could have watched the full thing live, but my fucking internet decided to fuck around for a bit so i had to vod watch a little. i fucking hate living in the middle of nowhere.

no alex :( but darnolds lab is next act shes GOTTA be there trust. please please please please i want to see more of her i want to know what her fucking deal is.

i cant be bothered to double check this, but i think stains voice if different from act 1? like i think in act 1 scorpy was trying to do more of a Voice, whereas in act 2 i feel like he either forgot or couldnt be bothered to do it idk.

christopher was out for blood in this one damn. randomly attacking gordon, randomly attacking addi, etc.

speaking of addi, i guess the nickname is official now. i figured this was probably coming at some point given how unanimous its become in the fandom and especially with mike bringing it up at one point, but im still a little sad about it i fucking loved the idea of having a guy just called additional voices or even just additional. maybe its the former mcyt fan in me, because i spent years reading fully serious fics written completely unironically about bitches named shit like "mumbo jumbo" or "technoblade" or whatever the fuck, but i think it would have been so fun to have a guy named additional in all of our fics.... like cmonnnn guyssss. you get used to it i promise! but no i guess we're doing the boring thing.... le sigh.... (/lh im fine with him being called addi and as fun as additional would be, i do get wanting something shorter.)

CANON FUCKING YURI!!!! LETS FUCKING GO!!!! CANON YURI IN A SERIES WITH BARELY ANY WOMEN NO LESS!!!!

speaking of women, PENNY SNAPCUBE YAAAAYYYY!!!! soooo awesome having her here, i feel like her sense of humor is gonna fit in perfectly :) already love her talking about alvin and the chipmunks for a bedtime story, cant wait to see what else shes got.

DYING at gordons "FUCK OFF BRO!" at stain kneeling in front of him when he tries to feed him the bird. it reminds me of hlvrai with the "ooh im liking the view from back here" "what is wrong with you?!" because i think i remember in the cast commentary wayne said that that was just genuine, like "why is scorpy making a sexual comment here?" sort of thing; that "fuck off bro" sounded very much like a genuine "why is scorpy doing this" in much the same vein.

tbh im glad we have our professional yaoi baiter scorpy on the case. im so glad that things like "ooh im liking the view from back here" and trying to kiss gordon at several different points isnt something left back in hlvrai, but now we have weird shit with stain and gordon. moaning while kneeling in front of him and eating a banana. awesome stuff.

gordons fucking SCREECH of laughter at stains face still moving after he died fucking killed me

i feel like gordon said "none of this matters" about a lot of things near the beginning especially.... like stain holding the chainsaw near his dick or visiting a dead end room.... theres probably some analysis to be made here but idk what. something about the player not caring as much about acting like these things are actually happening to him or something idk.

same thing with stain talking about being a burden or whatever tbh.... like theres probably interesting Character Things going on here but im stupid so idk what. maybe a parellel between him and benry about like. one is more confident and the other gets worried thats hes fucking things up more.... maybe also something with gordon treating him all niceys vs gordon hating benry or something.... i dont knowwww....

love hearing him say "computer" and issue a command like hes in star trek or some shit in order to fix bugs and go to a loading screen. very funny to me.

ough.... additional voices my beautiful princess.... <3333

LOVED the fuckass saw bit. i love rtvs bits that kinda suck and/or are stupid as hell <3

"are you in the muff?" "uh.... i guess i am?" awesome.

theres something so special to me about a series thats so stupid and silly a lot of the time, but it also occasionally has such touching moments like a guy whos lived in the sewers his whole life seeing a sunset for the first time and going "yeah i dont want to go home anymore" ....and then back to a little bit silly with the pose and "YES!!!!" <3

im a little bit sad because i wanted to make a word search for people to do during loading, but because of the internet shit i wasnt able to do it until like the last loading, which i feel like didnt give enough time for people to do it i wish i couldve posted it earlier. :c i wanna try and make one for next stream though since at least a few people saw it and seemed to like it; probably one themed to act 2 since the last one was themed to act 1, i just gotta come up with words for it.

i just remembered that stains subtitles in the first video were all fucked up and weird. i hope that isnt too hard to edit because with act 2 being a lot more stain focused, it may take one billion years for wayne to edit the episode(s).

[yellllowstar]

various miscellaneous hl2vrai act 1 thoughts:

fucking LOVE the joke of having a character named "additional voices" genuinely so fucking funny to me. its gonna be awesome for the credits

also love that hes like "the exposition guy" constantly talking about events and shit and trying to kinda move the plot along a bit hes fun

SO interested to see what they do with alex. like theres clearly something Fucked Up with her and i CANNOT WAIT to find out whats going on there, especially because im like 99% sure its got something to do with the gnome series shit (I <3 GNOME)

the way that no one seems to know about her despite the fact that from my understanding of hl2 (idk shit about the hl games) shes like kind of a major character and the fact that shes so fucked up kinda reminds me of vanellope von schweetz from wreck it ralph a little, something about having your code fucked up in a way that makes it so no one remembers you exist and also glitching and shit yk?

tbh the way they talked about her name being "alex" and not "alyx" sorta made it sound like they were joking about that? but like also there was that one post a few days ago pointing out that the captions of the gnome series do say "alex" every time the name is brought up, so im kinda inclined to believe that theyre serious about that? in which case im FASCINATED to know why that is like if its lore based or just they thought it would be funny or something. either way its probably good as it does keep hl2vrai alex shit out of the main tag for alyx from half life

not like *suuuuper* thrilled that pretty much the only female major character in the series (aside from like. skyler from bbvrai and peppa from hlage i guess) just doesnt talk, but if its for Cool Lore Reasons then thats chill i guess

idk shit about gmod so idk whats with her face articulation, but tbh i. kinda hate it. like i dont like it on any of the characters it looks creepy and uncanny valley to me, its just kinda the most noticeable on her bc thats like. one of the few ways of showing personality and characterization that she has. i hope i can just sorta train myself to like it/get used to it or something because i REALLY want to like her so so so so bad she just currently kinda creeps me out and i dont like it....

anyways on the topic of the gnome series, HE LOOKED AT THE FUCKING SLIDE!!!! HE STOPPED AND STARED AT THE TOP OF THE FUCKING SLIDE WHERE THE WAYNE GNOME WAS!!!! he only was able to stare at it for like a second and didnt like comment on it or anything because he got interrupted and moved along too quickly, which im kind of sad about, but he stared at it for a second! gnome fans stay winning!!!! (scraps)

fucking love father grigori. just an excitable man who loves god and also shooting things. hes so fucking fun. tbh i really like hollys particular sense of humor a lot, so i think pretty much any character she plays is gonna be kind of a hit with me

i was literally thinking last night about how there are just some people who are really into water as like an element/theme (including me lol), really into like the ocean and lakes and rivers and rain and shit, and with christopher at one point using a metaphor about like water falling onto a stone, i kinda hope that thats kinda where he goes? im not gonna hold my breath though because i kinda get the vibe that no one on rtvs is like that so idk if baaulp has like. a frame of reference for that sort of thing/knows that people like that exist. hes probably just gonna be someone who really likes drinking water, but my personal wish is that he ends up being a Water Guy.

its nice seeing the characters from hlvrai again, even if theyre not like. the Main Party Members or whatever

feels kinda odd to me hearing everyone in higher quality though? i mean dr coomer gets his low quality audio obviously, but everyone else feels so weirdly crisp.... i guess it kinda makes sense though, they get an audio update to match the graphic update

i hope the fandom comes up with more fanon shit to help tell these bitches apart, because as it stands looking at the fanart and trying to tell whos who can be a little. ummmm.

the technical errors were kinda fucking funny tbh. obviously that sort of thing is frustrating for the crew trying to put on a show here, and the load screens were kinda annoying, but a lot of rtvs' humor (and by extension a lot of their audience), tends to be very based in like "shitty/scuffed is funny" with shit like waynes stupid ass bald cap, or their love for the weird fucked up ai voices of the gnome and joshua and whatnot, or bbvrai just having a random ass breaking bad poster running around, or a lot of the stuff in the gameclam videos tbh, so i hope the technical issues dont get them down too much, i think most of their fans will probably just find it kinda funny lol

and finally its just kind of surreal for me to like. be here? like i only got into hlvrai/rtvs a few months ago, so its not like ive been waiting the full 6 years or anything, but im kinda used to having these series just being finished and done by the time i get to them, so its kind of wild to me to think that this is just gonna be ongoing, and that im going to get to tune in to each of these streams as they happen. its going to be a lot of fun <3

[yellllowstar]

god Additional Voices is going to be so fucking funny for fanfics