for once seungjun is actually speechless. the question in itself doesn’t seem to hold that much weight, but it hits seungjun like a ton of bricks because in all honesty he’s realizing that he’s never really acted on an inkling of crave or yearning.
it’s always been about getting work done and getting work done well. no questions on who he’s supposed to be in front of people and even less about how to get it done.
seungjun is used to feeling uncomfortable but for things that require it like maintaining his reputation and pristine image. this though, is a completely different uncomfortable feeling where seungjun’s delving into his personal mind space and he absolutely hates it.
pulling himself out before he can begin to revel about how all he’s ever known is working to meet his mother’s expectations, seungjun sighs and remembers the small things that he’s found a sense of freedom in since graduating.
“it probably doesn’t amount to the same extent as craving or yearning, but if choosing and finally doing the things i want to do for myself could qualify as either of those, then yes.”
he’s hesitating to continue because there’s probably an expectation that he’d crave or yearn for something big... but there really isn’t. or so he tries to convince himself.
“you know stuff like learning how to mix drinks or going on a month long vacation on my private island. just things that don’t associate me to the family name i guess...”
