G.I.Joe (selling America to sell toys)
[All images are owned by Hasbro. I’m too poor to sue]
If you watched cartoons when you got home from school in the 80s, there were four cartoons you absolutely. Could. Not. Get. Away. From.
He-Man (and its sister series She-Ra)
and the subject of this review.
(Thanks to Day in Tech History)
G.I. Joe was originally the world’s first action figure back in the 60s, a 12-inch poseable toy with changeable costumes and weaponry. The brand would remain as such until 1983...
...when Hasbro no doubt realized that kids were more interested in 6-inch action figures (thanks in no small part to Star Wars toys) The problem is, it’s harder for smaller-scale figures to have interchangeable outfits, so they molded the outfits on the toys and sold them as separate individuals.
Now they just needed a way to market the toys. You know what happened next.
G.I. Joe follows the adventures of a team of various military specialists from every branch of the US military (you know, just like the real military does, because everyone knows there’s absolutely no rivalry between the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines that would come to blows during their first three-day pass together) known as G.I. Joe. No actual names are ever given, but they all have code-names.
I’m not going to list every one of them (according to Google, there are 163 members (each sold separately) of G.I. Joe (or “Joes”)!), and certainly none of them appear in every episode, but some of the more prominent ones are...
General Hawk, the leader of the Joes.
Duke (his second in command and field commander)
Lady Jaye (Intelligence specialist)
Snake-Eyes (Covert Ops specialist and trained ninja. He is also mute due to an injury early in his career)
Shipwreck (comic relief Navy SEAL)
(yes, that Sgt. Slaughter!)
But, even though the series started airing during the end of Cold War, Hasbro didn’t want the Joes squaring off against the Soviets (after all, there are international sales to consider!) Therefore, they created...
...Cobra, a terrorist organization that threatens the entire world (and yet only the Americans are dealing with them) Not to nitpick (actually, I do mean to, as that’s kinda my thing), but how is this “global terrorist organization” getting funding? I mean, there was an episode where Cobra had started a burger franchise and mounted missiles on the roofs of every restaurant. That ain’t cheap, even if you only supply sub-standard food and pay every worker (including the management) minimum wage! Plus there’s all the laser rifles, fighter planes, tanks, and a massive flying fortress to pay for!
Aside from the hundreds of expendable faceless mooks that they’ve somehow managed to recruit, there are a number of upper-tier operatives that for whatever reason are always leading the troops on whatever suicide mission they’re doing that week...
The leader of Cobra is simply known as Cobra Commander. He talks with a hissing voice. If he sounds familiar, you’ve obviously also watched Transformers in the 80s as it’s the same voice actor who voiced Starscream.
Destro is the primary arms supplier to Cobra. I’m not sure who else would work with him (either buying from or selling to him) since he associated with a global terrorist organization.
Zartan is a master of disguise, able to mold his appearance to suit the mission. He leads a cycle gang known as the Dreadknoks.
Storm Shadow is a ninja from the same clan that trained Snake Eyes. The two have a love/hate relationship, often adversaries but have been known to assist the other as long as it doesn’t betray their allegiances.
Finally, we came to Cobra Commander’s successor. It turns out that Destro and most of Cobra’s inner circle was getting tired of getting defeated constantly by G.I. Joe, blaming Cobra Commander for their failures. Therefore, they stole DNA from history’s greatest military minds (and, for some reason, Sgt. Slaughter) to create...
...Serpentor, the Emperor of Cobra!
Somehow, Cobra Commander managed to survive the transfer of power, eventually regaining control of Cobra.
The original series ran for 4 years through Sunbow Productions in the mid-80s. In the 90s, DIC Animation revived the series...
...though 80s kids missed the old theme.
Like most weekday cartoons, each episode had a message, but unlike the Filmation cartoons it wasn’t embedded heavy-handed into the plot of the episode. Instead, after the Joes have sent Cobra packing one of their members would have a special message for kids like this one...
If you would like to see an episode reviewed, let me know!
