Let Me In
3/?
Cassian x FeyreSister!reader
Warnings: None
Word Count: 2.1k NOT proofread!
Taglist: @spookypersondinosaur @livvyluv44 @artemis2832 @lucia-valentinaa @sparkles360 @breathingstarlight @louise3426
————————————————————————
Cassian's words didn’t register at first, just hanging in the air. My eyes glance over at Feyre and Rysand. Nesta had told me a little bit in the letters we would send back and forth, Feyre and her mate Rysand. A bond between them she tried to explain in writing; back then I didn’t understand it, not sure if I do now .
“A what?” I ask, more so for clarity. Cassian, to my surprise, didn’t look away. If anything, his gaze softened. Just barely. “A mating bond,” he repeated, slower. Like saying it more gently and slowly would somehow make it easier to understand.
No surprise it didn’t.
I let out a short disbelieving laugh, shaking my head as I took a step back. “No. No, that’s.. that’s not possible.” But I also thought turning Fae after being human my whole life was impossible. My hands came up, running through my hair, tugging slightly like I could pull myself back into reality. “You’re telling me I got turned into Fae against my will and now..what? I’m assigned to someone?”
“No one is assigned,” Rhysand cut in smoothly, though his tone held a warning edge. “It’s not ownership. It is an instinct, a bond between equals.”
“That sounds like the same thing as assigned. Instinct, an instinct I didn’t choose to have?” I responded sharply back to him.
Rysand’s eyes narrow.
“Yeah, that’s kinda what an instinct is defined as” he replies
Asshole.
I roll my eyes, looking back at the floor, gently biting on my lip, before looking back up at Cassian. My eyes met his and that feeling hit again, that pull that came from deep within my body. I try to pinpoint exactly where, maybe low in my chest? Warm, unfamiliar but not unwelcome.
Cassian noticed, of course he did. He is mated to me after all, his wings shifted slightly behind him, a subtle movement. “You can feel it,” he stated quietly. I hated that he was right, hated how he knows before I can tell him
“I don’t know what I’m feeling,” I snapped back, but there was no real heat behind it. Just panic. “Everything feels different right now.”
“That’s fair,” Feyre said softly, stepping in again, not too close this time. Giving me space. “The bond, it doesn’t force anything. It just exists, what you do with it is your choice. There have been cases where people did not follow the bond and chose someone else.”
“My choice,” I echoed, my voice hollow. My gaze flickering between them—Feyre, Rhysand, Cassian. Even the others in the room who were pretending not to listen but very clearly were.
My life had been simple before this. Clay. Wheels. Paint-stained hands. Long nights at the studio. Quiet. And now?
Fae. Magic. Cauldrons. Bonds. I let out a shaky breath, wrapping my arms around my middle like that might hold me together. “And what does that even mean?” I asked, looking back at Cassian despite myself. “This bond. What is it supposed to do?”
Cassian hesitated. “It means,” he said carefully, “we’re connected. Emotionally. Instinctively. Sometimes physically, you might feel emotions stronger than usual, emotions that might not be yours. It can grow over time.” Grow. The word made my stomach twist.
“And if I don’t want it to?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper. That was my real question; not what the bond was, but whether I had any control over it at all.
Cassian’s expression shifted, something more serious settling in. “Then you don’t accept it,” he said simply. “The bond can be rejected.”
Relief hit me so fast it almost made me dizzy, but it didn’t fully settle. Because even as he said it the pull in my chest didn’t go away. I wonder if the people that rejected it and went on their own path felt that pull. If they still feel the pull even if they decided on their own course.
I clenched my jaw, frustrated, my eyes dropping to the floor before lifting back up to him again. “And you?” I asked. “What do you want?”
The room went still, Feyre didn’t move from beside me as all eyes turned to Cassian. Cassian didn’t answer right away. His gaze didn’t leave mine, though. Not for a second. And when he finally spoke, I think I made my choice deep down.
His voice was quieter than I’d heard it before, at least the short time I’ve heard him. “I want you to have a choice,” he said. That wasn’t what I asked, not technically, but it felt like the most honest answer he could give.
My chest tightened again, in a way I definitely wasn’t ready to confront. I exhaled slowly, shaking my head. “This is insane.” I huff out, rubbing my face tiredly.
A small huff of laughter came from the blonde female in the corner. “You’ll get used to it,” she said casually, leaning against the wall. I narrowed my eyes, my eyes snapping to hers “I don’t want to get used to it,” I shot back
“That part,” she shrugged, “you don’t get a say in.”
Rhysand smirked faintly, but Feyre shot him a look that wiped it away instantly. I rubbed my temples, closing my eyes for a second. “I need time,” I muttered. “I can’t just process all of this right now.”
“All we have is time.” Cassian speaks up, getting the attention off the blonde woman. I lowered my hands, glancing at Cassian, at the way he was still watching me like I might disappear if he blinked.
That pull flickered within again, I shoved it down. “I’m going back to my room,” I say, already stepping backward toward the door. “Don’t follow me. Anyone”
Cassian didn’t move, nor did Feyre, but I still felt it. Felt his emotions like I was feeling mine. The slight disappointment, but acknowledgment to my words.
“Alright” he said softly. That was worse than if he’d argued. I sigh as I slip out of the room, the door closing behind me with a quiet click.
—
The hallway felt too long, or maybe I just felt too aware. I pressed my palm flat against the wall as I walked, grounding myself in the cool stone, focusing on something real. Something that didn’t feel like it was inside my head.
My room wasn’t far. I knew that. I’d memorized the path earlier just to feel some kind of control in this place. I laugh under my breath, control. Gods, that felt like a joke now.
I pushed the door open harder than I meant to, letting it shut behind me with a dull thud. The silence hit immediately, thick and suffocating. No eyes watching. No careful voices. No him. I exhale sharply, dragging my hands down my face. Except he was still there.
Not physically. But that pull, it hadn’t stayed in that room. It came with me, following and clinging. Begging me to go back down to him; I moved to the window, needing air, needing space, even if it didn’t actually help. The sky outside had deepened into that soft blue-purple right after sunset, the first stars barely visible. Where the time went I don’t even know, the sun was just rising when I woke, I had not thought I spent that much time downstairs talking.
The sunset should’ve been calming, it wasn’t. It was stunning, breathtaking even. But not calming.
My arms wrapped around myself again, tighter this time, like I could squeeze the feeling out of my chest. But it only made me more aware of it, low and warm, steady, like a second heartbeat that didn’t belong to me.
“I have a choice,” I murmured, clinging to the words like they were something solid. Cassian had said it so simply, I let out a slow breath, leaning forward. Resting my arms on the metal railing of the balcony.
A quiet knock sounded at the door. I froze, turning my slightly to the door. “I said not to follow me,” I called out, sharper than I meant to. Silence answered me at first.
“It’s just me.”
Feyre.
I hesitated, jaw tightening. Of course it was, never taking no for an answer. Always intruding on personal space. Maybe that's what sisters are meant to do.
I glanced at the door, debating, before finally shaking my head in disbelief. “It’s unlocked.” I called out. The door opened slowly, carefully, like she didn’t want to startle me. She stepped inside but stayed near the entrance, just like before. Giving me space, by not giving me space “I won’t stay long,” she said gently.
I didn’t respond, just looked back down at my hands, for a moment, neither of us spoke.
“It’s overwhelming at first,” Feyre said quietly over the silence. “Even when you choose it, it still is.”
My fingers curled slightly, before turning. Walking back into the room “Did you feel it right away?”
“Yes..well kinda, but yes.” Her expression wasn’t pushy, or knowing in an annoying way. Simply honest.
“And you didn’t freak out?” I asked, raising a brow.
A small smile tugged at her lips. “Oh, I absolutely did.”
That caught me off guard. My brows furrow. Her and Rysand seemed so..put together and perfect. Maybe every relationship, even if fated by the cauldron or whatever it's fated by, has its problems. A short breath of something, almost like a laugh, escaped me before I could stop it. I sit down on the edge of my bed, staring at my hands.
Feyre’s gaze softened slightly, like she’d been waiting for that. “I’m not going to tell you what to do,” she continued. “And neither will he. Cassian meant what he said, he wouldn’t ever force you to accept the bond”
I looked away again, my chest tightening at his name.
“I can feel him,” I admitted quietly, the words slipping out before I could stop them.
Feyre didn’t look surprised.
“It’s faint,” I added quickly, defensive. “But it’s there.”
She nodded. “It will be, whether you accept it or not.”
I swallowed.
“Does it ever go away?” I asked.
Feyre didn’t answer, that told me everything. I leaned back slightly, staring at the ceiling now. “Great,” I muttered.Silence stretched again, but at least this time it wasn’t as suffocating.
“Get some rest,” Feyre said after a moment. “You don’t have to figure this out tonight.”
I huffed softly. “Good. Because I’m definitely not going to.”
That earned a smile from Feyre, as she clasps her hands together and gently sits down beside me instead of leaving, she gently pats my knee and I slowly sit up.
“When Rysand first told me about the bond” she begins “He didn’t exactly tell me, I learned it on my own, from whom does not matter.” She sighs, gently looking at me. “I need time as well, I left and went off to a cabin, stayed there and just painted the whole thing. Rysand eventually came and I forced him to explain everything to me. Turns out, he knew from the first moment he saw me- or suspected at least. He was having dreams of me”
I frown, thinking about the bits and pieces I’ve gotten told over letters and basic context clues of conversations. “So..” I start “He lied to you?”
Feyre shrugs “Technically not lied, but he didn’t tell me. But that's besides the point, there is so much that plays into mine and Rysand's story. The point I’m trying to make is that everyone needs time. Time to process and just think, but hiding away in this bedroom isn’t going to help you. Eventually Cassian will come up here to talk to you, and you're going to have to face the truth”
“He said I have time-”
Feyre huffs shaking her head “Cassian can’t even wait for everyone to be seated at dinner before he starts eating, he isn’t going to stay away from his possible mate for long. He’ll be respectful, but he won’t stay away for long”
I stare at her before laying my head on her shoulder, “I just don’t want to be owned.” She gently kisses the side of my head.
“You won’t be, especially not by Cassian. All you have to do is let him in, just let him see you and talk to you. Figure out who you are, and maybe you can also figure out who he is.” she responds lightly.
I take in her words, nodding gently. Just talk to him, let down my walls, maybe have some tea and talk about hobbies. Illyrians do have hobbies, no? I finally sigh “Okay. Does he like tea?”
————————————————————————
A/N: okay. It’s finally out. So much has happened, maybe the writing curse is real. I got pulled over, fell at work and dumped a whole tray of pop all over me, then today is payday. I wake up and check my bank account…tell me why my checking account isn’t even on there anymore. I think it may have gotten closed due to me having no money, but that’s because I had no money until today!
