#you;

[yeunginfp]

[standardlovers]

my friends cat chirped at me and her mum said “oh she never does that anymore!” and I think that was when I fell in love with the cat

mr cat, oh my GOD,,,

[marigraphic]

:3c

:3c

[hyoushiko]

Truth be told, I don’t know what to feel since you sort of came back. I do not mean this in a negative way, it’s just that…somehow, in the midst of our awkward exchange of text messages, I didn’t feel like arguing—rather, I’m just glad. I can’t deny that the past months were difficult to swallow. A lot of times, they were lonely. The first two, quite bitter to the taste. I went away from all the confusion, because I had to save myself from falling towards rock bottom.

We drifted away with a lot of things left unsaid and unexplained. I was certain that it was for your career, which is totally rational because you are on the top of the industry, and your reach is only getting wider worldwide. At the same time, I was left wondering—in the course of chasing after your passion, did you also engage on seeing other people? No matter how much I tried to brush it off, each “scandal” seemed to deliver a bigger blow to me.

I lived the past months with a lot of contradictions. I made it a point to remind myself that if things do happen, I am theoretically free to see other people, befriend and maybe go out with them. Simultaneously, I found myself reading your letters from the past occasions right before going to sleep. I believed in your words, and I had faith in you. Despite all of the turmoil, the only thing that is certain is that what we had was real.

Tonight, I wonder : were my subconscious thoughts and dreams too loud that they have reached you? I was almost certain that I will never be able to get to talk to you again, but here you are, in correspondence with me again. The mere thought of it makes me speechless, and in awe. This was beyond my expectations in the latter half of the year.

In the past months of being alone, I have learned so much, and these lessons have influenced what I feel right now. I want to tell you that first of all, I will not be selfish and give you no options. I think I have transcended from the phase that wants to keep you for myself. Earlier this year, I didn’t think of any concrete wedding plans just yet because I thought you had a long way in your career to go. I just want you to do what makes you the happiest, and if I do hold you down, I won’t force you to stay.

And if you do decide to stay, I’ll make sure I won’t be a burden. More opportunities are opening up for me for sure, and I would like to experience all of them too. It’s funny that you thought I’ll go see other people though, because no matter how much I try, I see you in the eyes of other people. And it’ll probably stay like that for a long, long time.

But these thoughts, these decisions…I’m setting them aside for this one overwhelming feeling. Above all, I’m just glad to hear from you. That you have been well. And I’m relieved because I heard it from you after so much wondering. I’m glad you have been well, Jongin. And I hope you’re glad that I managed to survive most crucial semester, too. Whatever happens, December will be better.

[hyoushiko]

I'm sorry for being so lacking, something I always dreaded being. I didn't try hard enough and had to choose the other path over you. And the truth is up till now I can't decide if I should let you wait or leave.

That other path has been your passion and your dream, and truth be told it’s okay, it has always been okay, because you are chasing after something that makes you happy. Choose what you think is best for you and what you perceive to be doing in your future, and work things out from there.

[hyoushiko]

Jongin ( @kim88kai ) ,

 I came to write this message with no concrete thought on how to start, but hey, I’m writing you a letter. I am not sure if you will even receive this, but there are a few things I want you to know…things I’ve been saving for the first of August.

 I’ve been staying in Japan for two months, deciding to pursue a dream long delayed. A lot of times, you still cross my mind. 

 I miss you when I see your lovely face in advertisements by the bus stop. I miss you when I sit by eating onigiri, while your voice and your songs subtly play in the convenience store. I miss you whenever I chance upon any memento that reminds me of you – a Natsu figurine, the murmurs of some stranger disliking coffee, the boisterous chicken restaurant nearby. Sometimes, when I have to sleep a little later to finish my work, I wonder how you are doing, and if you get your time to visit your family and kids. 

 I miss you a lot, maybe a little too much from time to time, but for some reason, I’m just happy to see you achieve all these things. You’re all over the news portals and even the entertainment news, how your albums have surpassed sales, how your concert sold out in online ticketing sites…with all of these, I hope that you’re always happy.

 I want you to know that my heart still thumps a little louder than it should, whenever I hear you get hurt. I heard you sprained your foot again with the same injury as before. Please, always take care of yourself, okay? Please always be well. 

I don’t know if I still cross your mind in a fleeting moment, but do know that there will always be a person wishing you the best, even when she’s from seas away. 

This won’t be a little bitter letter that ought to ask you a lot of whys, but a letter of me wanting to thank you for all our days. The sad, the happy, the challenging, and the most blissful – all of them are equally important to me, and all of them are memories I will gladly keep. I’ve almost given up in believing I can be genuinely happy and in love, but I felt it all when you, and we, happened. You’ve made me feel special in each passing day. Your hands and arms were always warm, eager to hold and embrace me whenever. You went out of your way and out of your restrictions as an idol just to come home to me whenever I missed you a little too much.

 Even when we knew how the future was uncertain, you dreamt with me, and you hoped with me. To wake up one day without worrying that we’ll get caught, without any schedule to worry about. 

 We’ve dreamt so much even when reality isn’t a fairy tale, and even then, I’m still thankful. Because out of all of this, I experienced how to love until there’s no more. With you, I felt that I could love endlessly, fervently, and faithfully, despite the most difficult situations.

 But I’m also thankful to learn that when you love, you shouldn’t forget about yourself. I think that this has been one of my mistakes, and now, I’m in the process of relearning myself somewhere here in Fukuoka. I’ve went for my dreams, just as you are reaching for yours now. Maybe if I aspired further, I’ll end up doing as amazing as you.

 Be happy and be well, Jongin. And whenever you feel a little lonely, always know that you are loved and thought of. Even if you won’t remember everything, I hope that you will always keep this thought.

 You will always be loved from miles away.

 Hyosung

P.S. I still have these pictures of you that you took in my phone. They’ll always be my favorite. 

[funquotations-blog]

People want to typecast you; it's human nature. - Stacy Keach http://www.quotationsensation.com/quote.aspx/quote?quoteid=91117