December 16, 2025
Ever felt a sharp pain upon seeing an old photograph of yourself with people you are no longer in touch with?
I am not in touch by a difficult choice I made. I broke a person's heart and live in fear everyday expecting a kind of retribution that'll ruin me. But I deserve it. It's the cost of salvaging pieces of me off of a burning bridge. I saved myself and ran alone. That I don't regret. But I think everyday, and worry, If I could've done it a bit gentler? More humanely? And that sharp pain has turned into fear now. I feel nausea. I wish the photo would dissappear out of my sight again. I wish the person would disappear out of my head again. Guilt and regret I can tolerate, fear I cannot. I am afraid. So afraid. Have you ever felt it? Have you?
