Jan 3, 2025
I'm tired of being angry. I'm tired of being sad. I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of being sick. I'm tired of spending the 'best years of my life' in bed. I'm just tired. So so so tired.
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I'm tired of being angry. I'm tired of being sad. I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of being sick. I'm tired of spending the 'best years of my life' in bed. I'm just tired. So so so tired.
I've reached new limits of tiredness. I'm not tired anymore, I'm exhausted. No, I'm not even exhausted, I'm beyond that. It's something deeper, like it's ingrained in my bones, in my core. I thought that it was just burnout, but now I'm not sure. Maybe. Or maybe not. Maybe this is really just a burnout, or a symptom of my chronic illnesses, or something else entirely. I don't know. I just know that I'm a teenager and I don't have the energy to get out of bed most days.
I have this unconscious feeling that I can't do anything to help my disability until I get diagnosed, that I just have to suffer through it. And I know that I should start to accommodate myself, and that I should use my mobility aids, but I just feel like an imposter when I don't have a diagnosis. I mean, what would I even say? "Oh, why do you use a cane?" Because my knees hurt? I mean, I could say that I feel so exhausted just by standing up, and that I'm in so much pain when I have to walk even a short distance, or that going up stairs is the worst part of my day. But, in reality? They would just say I'm exaggerating, and I'm also very tired of that.
if someone else says that I have arthritis because I don't exercise enough I will actually lose it 👹
hey! lately I've been having a lot of issues with sleeping at night because I can't find a way to lay without my hypermobility and joints to hurt. and if i do, i can't stay in the same position for more than a couple seconds, so i can't really fall asleep. does anyone have any tricks or advice for this? i would really appreciate it :)
fvck juvenile arthritis because I love to crochet and now I can't crochet for more than ten minutes before my fingers and my wrists start giving me absolute hell
does someone else struggle with understanding why someone would want to be with me (especially romantically, but in every aspect really) with all my illnesses and disability? and if someone does, how do you manage it? because I'm not able to see how someone would want to be with me with the burden that i cause to people and all the accommodations I require.
I should probably (definitely) be using my cane right now because I can barely walk, but the only thing worse than being a queer trans teenager is being a queer trans teenager using a cane, and that is not a limit I'm going to cross right now (in the meantime thanks to my bestfriend for being my literal support).