I don’t entirely know what I am doing. Unlike before, I don’t panic; I embrace it. I worried for the longest time what would happen to me, as if I had no control over that. I can still say with all honesty that I still love her, My care for her is enough to take care of the both of us, and that is exactly what it has to do. She doesn’t love me anymore. How can this be when in every woman I meet, I try to find you? Do you not do the same? I told myself today that I would start being more true to my soul, start doing things that make me healthy, and make time for things that help me, rather than consider them extra. Yet, changing your life is hard. But, it makes it easier thinking that I can change every aspect of my life, but I can’t change how I see you. Although things may have been crazy in the past, and at times we hurt each other in ways that two lovers never should, we both grew from the experience. I found with my time that the idea of you has grown to a level where I can’t sleep at night. I don’t consider it a bad thing cause I still smile when I think of you. Yet, through all this self reflection I have to realize that you don’t care for me, not like you used to, I should say; and even though that it hurts, it is your feelings I have to respect. So, taking all of these things into consideration, what must I do now? Where do these feelings go? I have done things in my career life that is changing my future as we speak, I have become more health conscious, but my life of love is stuck; not stuck as in ,not there, but sleeping with women that don’t mean to me as much as you do, is wasted energy. So, for now I will focus on passion, and let my passion take the place of you. It’s not my first choice, but in life you also have to expect the unexpected.
Compulsions of Complexity
