Prompt: you’re trying to toilet train your 20 pound cat and you sent me this photo and now I can’t stop crying out of laughter in public.
A/N: Happy birthday to my favourite human @fetchalgernon - I love you. Thank you for making it impossible for me to write modern!jily and not include algernon. So here you go, 100% of fluff and shenanigans, with next to 0 plot. I hope you enjoy <3
Thank you @yourbcky for the stellar beta job x
Read on FFN or AO3.
It’s three in the afternoon on a Saturday when Lily drops a bag of frozen peas all over the floor of her local supermarket.
It really isn’t her fault, to be perfectly honest. Yes, she’s making a fool of herself, crying with laughter as she struggles to gather the peas that have spilled all over the floor. and the others down the aisle - from the old woman looking at the yorkshire puddings, all the way to the middle aged man studying a ratty shopping list - probably think she’s mental now, but it really isn’t her fault.
Picture this: you’re running errands, casually making your way through every different sodding aisle of the nearest Tesco Express because Sirius and co. are coming over for dinner, and the only things you have in your fridge are mustard and cheese crackers – and even though you know full well they wouldn’t mind, you actually feel like trying for a change.
Your phone buzzes with a message notification, and when you slide your finger over the screen, you’re met with a picture of Algernon, your boyfriend’s insane and alarmingly orange cat, sitting next to an empty litter box. Yes, empty, because all of the litter is strewn across the midnight blue carpet, and you can practically feel James’ despair simply by looking at his face.
If this was the case, you’d probably be cracking up like an idiot as well.
[15:02] james: toilet training algernon is not… going as expected
[15:03] lily: I dropped my peas.
[15:03] james: ???
[15:04] james: tht was a typo right
[15:05] lily: I was getting food for tonight and the picture you sent me made me drop my bag of peas.
[15:06] lily: They rolled everywhere, James. I hope you’re peased with yourself.
[15:06] james: :(
[15:06] james: btw i cant believe YOU made a pun
[15:06] lily: I know, you’re a terrible influence
[15:06] lily: Also, you’re cleaning that up.
[15:07]: james: just like u cleaned up the peas right
After that, he adds an emoji, the one with the cool pair of sunglasses, and if it wasn’t so damn endearing, it would probably make Lily want to set her hair on fire. Or maybe she’d set his on fire, he likes it so much, the prat.
Then, Lily does the worst thing she could probably do in this moment – she takes another glance at that damn photograph, and cracks a smile, one that quickly turns into loud and uncontrollable laughter. Especially when she notices Algernon’s satisfied face, almost smirking at her, except not really because he’s a cat.
“Ma’am, are you alright?” one of the store clerks asks her, tentatively placing one hand on her bicep and the other one on the nape of his neck.
“Y-yes!” she answers, struggling – and failing miserably – to contain her amusement. She can already picture tomorrow’s gossip magazine headlines: “SUPERMODEL LILY EVANS LOSES IT AT LOCAL TESCO.”
The thought of it only makes her laugh even more, even harder, and she can feel it tugging at her core. At this point, Lily is pretty sure there are tears streaming down her cheeks.
“Are you quite certain?” the employee asks, looking a tad frightened. He looks about seventeen, a whole six years younger than Lily. She guesses no one warned him about redheaded madwomen when he signed up for the job. Still, Lily mentally praises him for the courage it must have taken to even approach her in the first place. She doesn’t really look threatening, at least she doesn’t think so, but Lily can only imagine what passers-by must be thinking.
[15:18] james: I can’t believe u left me on read
[15:18] james: what kind of betrayal is that
Lily glances at the screen, grinning at her boyfriend’s absolute lunacy. but nonetheless places her phone back in her pocket, choosing instead to pick up some peppers. It’s a tedious task, analysing vegetables, and Lily soon grows bored of it. She hears the tell-tale ping of her phone, and rolls her eyes.
[15:19] james: answer me woman
[15:20] lily: Jesus Christ, James. What is it?
[15:20] james: can u pick up some toiler paper
Quirking up one of her eyebrows, she replies.
[15:21] lily: We have 20 rolls already?
[15:21] james: see the thing is luv
[15:21] james: algernon really likes 2 play
[15:22] james: [Photo Attachment]
“Oh my god,” she whispers, staring at her screen in disbelief. “I leave them alone for ten minutes,” she says, running one hand through her hair, effectively ruining the pretty ponytail situation she had going on.
Quickly, she one-handedly scrolls through the contacts on her phone and presses ‘call’, all while still holding the damn peppers.
“Remus?” she sighs. “Are you busy right now?”
“Not really, why?”
“Would you mind popping over to our place for a bit? Just to keep an eye on James?”
“Is he still trying to toilet train the cat?” but it comes out more like a statement instead of a question.
“Yep.”
She hears him swallow through the call.
“I’ll be there in ten.”
“Thank you, you’re a star.”
It takes Lily around thirty minutes to finish up her shopping and for her to reach her house. It takes her around twenty-nine minutes and twenty-seven seconds for her to get over whatever internal fit she was having.
Sure, James may act like an idiot seventy percent of the time, but he’s her James and she loves him. More than she can count on all her fingers, more than she can stretch her arms around her back.
Carefully hoisting up her way-too-many shopping bags, she rings the doorbell with her elbow, the usual smile on her face, because really, how could she not smile when this is what she’s coming home to? Her boyfriend, his ridiculous cat – and, in this case, Remus.
It’s James who answers the door, immediately asking, “are you mad at me?”. Lily is pleased to notice that there’s not a piece of kitty litter in sight.
“Nah, I think I’ll keep you around for a little longer,” she replies, successfully pressing her lips into a line as thin as the horizon. She’s not mad, she just likes watching him sweat a little. Then, because the poor sod looks like he’s about to choke, she adds “so as long as you keep providing me with entertainment, that is.”
“Sounds like a plan,” he says, and a smile stretches across both their lips, as James leans in to quickly peck Lily on the cheek. “Let me help,” James adds, taking some of the plastic bags from her hands.
“Where’s Remus?” Lily asks, removing her pair of aviator sunglasses from her incredibly tangled hair.
“On the couch,” replies James, and she can practically hear the smirk on his voice when he adds, “apparently BBC One is playing Bake-Off reruns.”
That makes Lily stop dead in her tracks. She turns around, back to him, and asks “are you shitting me?”
“Nope,” James answers, popping the ‘p’ and swinging back and forth. “Season five, too.”
Lily gives her boyfriend a toothy grin, and her eyes light up like a kid’s at a toy shop. After shouting a quick hello to Remus, she bolts straight to the kitchen. In the heat of the moment, she pulls out a chair, and mentally curses James for always storing things in the highest possible cupboard.
Unfortunately, her excitement for the bake-off is suddenly cut off when she slips on the recently-wiped countertop and falls on the floor. After letting out a string of colourful ‘fuck’s, she sees James enter through the door and the picture of her covered in cornflakes and sprinkles sends him over the edge, laughing like a complete madman.
“Couldn’t you just have asked for help?” he asks, grinning as he reaches for a Winnie-the-Pooh ceramic bowl. He hears Lily huff from the ground, and it makes him throw his head back as he laughs even more.
To be perfectly honest, she actually likes that he’s a giant compared to her. Even if it means he teases her every time she can’t reach the higher cupboards, because when they hug she can hear his heartbeat closer than she knew was possible. Still, it’s not like Lily could ever admit that.
Instead, she shoots him down with a playful, “do tell, how is the weather up there?”
Surprisingly enough, James decides to stop being a cocky arsehole and stretches out one hand to help her up. As soon as they’re done preparing all the snacks, she heads to the living room, obviously leaving James to carry the tea and cereal by himself.
Lily plops down on the sofa and snuggles closer to Remus. However, instead of her semi-healthy snack options, what she gets is the sound of the doorbell.
“I’ll get it!” James says, the sound of one sharp knock echoing all throughout the house – Sirius.
“I brought wine,” is the first thing he says, and upon hearing Peter’s clumsy footsteps, Algernon comes running from the kitchen and jumps into his lap.
There’s a shriek, followed by Sirius Black’s murderous voice, “get. that thing. away from me.”
Lily gets up to grab some glasses, and the five of them – plus Algernon, of course – curl up on the sofa, with cheese crackers and whatever alcohol Sirius decided to bring this time.
“This tastes like bleach, Padfoot,” complains James, and at the same time Sirius counters with a “it’s an ’83 Chateau Margaux, mate”, Lily says “oh shut up, you love it.”
James pulls her closer to him and murmurs “I love you” into her hair, while Remus makes a point to tell them how disgustingly nauseating’ the pair of them are, but they don’t care.
As long as they have this, they’re happy.
It doesn’t matter that the newspapers make up new rumours every five days, or that Peter is about thirty-seven percent in love with Mary Berry – or Sirius with Paul, for that matter.
Later that night, when their friends have left and it’s about two in the morning, the two of them lay in bed, James’ fingers threading through Lily’s damp hair, their noses touching, whispers of love floating back and forward.
James guesses it must hurt, to have your heart so full that it feels like it could burst at any moment. It’s been so long, and they’re so young, and so, so in love. It’s not like it makes any sense, but then again, things hardly ever do whenever he’s involved.
It’s intoxicating, how in love he is. Every single thing about her feels overwhelming, in the best way possible. From her blood red hair, to the vivid green of her eyes, or the freckles trailing down her shoulders, he’s in love, love, love.
His mind races back to the velvety box hidden somewhere between his socks, all black and from the same brand he’s been using since he was fifteen.
James is determined to stay away from short, freckled redheads. Lily, having had enough drama for a lifetime, is equally resolved to avoid dark-haired troublemakers. But he rarely does what he ought, and she is too stubborn for her own good. It should be an interesting year.
The ‘read more’ links will send you to the full story.
Chapter Ten or Merry-Go-Round // One of Those Nights
Christmas holidays passed as they usually did with turkey for Christmas dinner, Petunia’s entertaining commentary and a drunk Uncle Walter shouting at the telly. They’d already been back at Hogwarts for a full week, and yet Lily’s mind remained in Cokeworth. Or, at least, that’s what she told herself.
In reality, the things she could not, for the love of anything, stop thinking about were things that had indeed happened over break, but not in her hometown. As usual, James Potter was the one stuck in her brain because he really was a confusing creature, wandering around with his lopsided grin and crooked glasses, strutting like he owned the bloody place.
She had met up with her friends on the twenty-third, and it had been inside a slightly chilly Leaky Cauldron that Mary had told them that she’d broken things off with Bertram.
“Oh, thank Merlin,” Marlene had sighed, causing Lily to whack her on the arm. “I’m sorry, Mary. It’s just that… well, he’s a dick. And you deserve better.”
“I know,” replied Mary. She twizzled the yellow straw between her thumb and her forefinger and, looking down, she added “Took me long enough to realise, eh?”
“Getting out of a rubbish relationship is always hard, Mary. Please don’t beat yourself up about it,” assured Lily, placing a comforting hand on her friend’s shoulder.
“Thank you, girls.”
That had been sound advice. Solid, non-offensive, and supportive.
James is determined to stay away from short, freckled redheads. Lily, having had enough drama for a lifetime, is equally resolved to avoid dark-haired troublemakers. But he rarely does what he ought, and she is too stubborn for her own good. It should be an interesting year.
The ‘read more’ links will send you to the full story.
(p.s.: shoutout to @alrightevans. u’ll know it when u see it)
Chapter Nine or Shake, Bend and Break
(December sixth)
"This is, without a doubt, the most ridiculous plan you've ever come up with." Then, breaking into a grin, James added, "Of course I'm in."
"It'll be brilliant," agreed Peter.
"Well, let's go, then."
"Are we actually doing this? Are we really going to pull this off?"
At last, the holidays were less than a week away. And it was just as well; both the students and the professors were exhausted, as it had been a very tiring term. The grounds were coated in thick layers of snow, and it was too cold to even consider going outside.
That particular Thursday morning, during Transfiguration class, Professor McGonagall decided it would probably be best to double-check if the students who had signed up to go home during the holidays still wished to do so.
She'd just taken a scroll out of her desk drawer when someone screamed. With her wand at the ready, she quickly hurried over to the door, but when she opened it, she was greeted with, not one, not two, but dozens upon dozens of-
"Are those goats?" someone asked.
Two or three managed to make their way inside the classroom and, after Elizabeth's shrill cry, the students – on Thursdays, Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs always had their Transfiguration classes separately – promptly flooded out of the room.
It was a good thing, Lily realised, that none of the Marauders had come to class that day.
