May 12
Also, as a consequence of me maturing as a person, I realized that my selfships don't feel so cool anymore. Actually, they all feel very much toxic (as a reflection of how toxic I was before — especially due to my risk of falling for codependency). My selfships were also doomed because I was way too immature to know the difference between love and passion — so all of my selfships were pretty much guided by passion, and when the passion faded, I was left feeling bad and guilty bc "they're my F/O but I'm not interested in them anymore" 🧍
Anyway, I'm reformulating all of my selfships 👍 I change as a person, and therefore my relationships change as well
#idk the past me just wanted to love and be loved - but in a toxic way - it wasn’t real love#i wanted to fill the emptiness - that was already what couldn’t make these relationships healthy#i never share too much of my selfships bc ig im a private person overall? so maybe it wasn’t so clear the unhealthyness#but for example - i fell for them when i could see their low and i wanted to be needed by them. i wanted to be their caretaker/rescuer#this is very very clear in my selfship with kashimo#and no wonder why i felt like things couldn’t evolve further with him#gotta stop this and open space for new wonderful things to come#selfshipping is really damn interesting. other people might see it as silly but its so helpful. we get in touch with our soul#i at least like to take a deeper look at things#yuki rambles
