‘Even on the darkest night
I will be your sword and shield,
Your camouflage and you will be mine’
>> Because my ships are the best ships ever, and my friends are the best girls in the world… <<
Ok, so, enjoy your own CG, Crystal < @kanarenee >… (even if it isnt a surprise). I hope someday I can pay for all the drabbles you give me, all the smiles and for your unconditional friendship. I luv u so so SO much…
>>>>>>>>>>And Pora loves Kanako, forever <3 <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
I TOTALLY FORGET TO ADD YUKINAKO’S SONG!
Yukinako | Kojutsu | Masapora
Now, clarifications bc Im done with the drama and I dont want troubles:
This is a edited CG from SLBP, so the base belongs to Voltage inc. I just re-draw and re-paint.
‘Kanako’ is @kanarenee OC for our RP (which is no longer a RP but a story created by 3 people: she, @noomsu and me) but I draw her.
Dont use this image even if your OC is similar to Kanako. This girl is Kanako, not your OC.
Jealousy was definitely not a feeling he was used to, but he couldn’t care less. That was his wife. The beautiful woman next to him who was crazy enough to follow him to battle, and strong enough to survive there… That was his Kanako.
A/N: This is RP canon, again ~ RP written by @kanarenee, @a-night-on-polaris and myself. Enjoy this little moment with this dork Yukimura.
Jealousy
He couldn’t take it.
Arms crossed across his chest, Yukimura took a glance at his surroundings. Oh, such a bad decision. He felt his blood boiling in his veins, the frown on his face being the clear gesture of how annoyed he was. No, that was not the right word. He was mad. He was jealous. Yes, that was it: jealousy.
Why were all those men looking at HIS wife? In all honesty, he didn’t care. There was no valid excuse for staring at Kanako the way they were doing it. The worst part of it was that Kanako didn’t seem to notice it, and if she did, she was really good at ignoring them. Yukimura huffed, glaring at one of the nearby men.
“Yukimura, it’s all right”
“No, it’s not” he grumbled.
She knew laughing was not something she was supposed to do, but sometimes her husband made it impossible to avoid. It was not the first time it happened, yet Yukimura seemed to get mad even though he knew the reason behind those stares. It was her hair. Not her beauty, not meaningful glances meant to seduce her. No, it was just looks full of curiosity, wondering why she had such a yellow and bright hair.
“They are not doing anything” Kanako let out a giggle, touched by his impulse of protecting her even from those looks. She was so used to them that now she almost never noticed them.
“They are looking at you!” he fussed, frowning even more.
Another laughed escaped, which only served to make his frown even deeper. Why couldn’t she understand him? It was not about the looks. It was not even about her. It was all about the men. They had no excuse to be looking at his wife, and no one could ask him to just sit and watch the way they all seemed to stare at her.
“Yukimura, it is fine. Really” Kanako reached for his hand, squeezing it softly. It was a loving gesture, one that tried to comfort him. It only made him blush, but definitely did not calm down his temper. “I am your wife, it does not matter”
“Precisely because you are my wife is that it matters!”
His cheeks burning, he looked away. Yukimura could see the ill intentions of those men in their eyes, and it only made him feel worse. Every time he looked at Kanako, every time he got lost in the green of her eyes Yukimura remembered her words, her past, and all the pain she went through. Those men reminded him of the ones that had tried to hurt her in the past, and dammit all to hell, he was not letting them hurt her again.
No way in hell Sanada Yukimura was going to let anyone make his wife suffer ever again.
“Well, I guess…” she shrugged. “But they have always looked at me. I told you, didn’t I? It’s my hair. I have always attracted people even before you found me”
Jealousy was definitely not a feeling he was used to, but he couldn’t care less. That was his wife. The beautiful woman next to him who was crazy enough to follow him to battle, and strong enough to survive there… That was his Kanako. Just like she protected him in battlefield, he was going to protect her there, in town, from all those unpleasant stares.
He was the only one who could ever look at her that much, but just because he did it with love. Her hand in his, he squeezed back. Oh, he loved her so much. His love was just as big as his jealousy, but it was just because of how great she was; strong enough to stand next to him, soft enough to kiss.
Kanako stayed in silence a few more seconds, giving him time to reply. Until she got the hint that he would not do it.
“It’s nothing, really” she insisted, a smile pressed on her lips. How could someone look so pretty with just a smile? Yukimura felt his cheeks reddening. “Don’t worry about it”
He had been so distracted with her that he lost track of what was happening around him. Were they still staring? They were. He hissed, under his breath, the frown once again on his face. Kanako giggled softly, the sight of his determined eyes glaring at the men who dared lay eyes upon her even for just a second. That was her husband, perhaps the most endearing sight she had ever seen.
“That is not helping me at all…” he mumbled, his lips forming a pout. Another giggle escaped her; he was adorable. “Can’t you see? They’re all staring at you…”
“It doesn’t matter if they look at me” she locked arms with him, her shoulder grazing against his kimono. She felt him stiffening immediately. “I’m looking only at you. Does that help?”
For the sound that left his lips, Kanako needed not to see him to know he was competing with an apple by then. If there was something she had come to love very much was how easily he blushed. Just the right touch, the right words could make him lose his voice in embarrassment.
And she was only saying the truth, after all.
“W-Why are you saying that now?!” his voice left him in a distressed whisper, the tip of his ear turning read. It didn’t matter how affectionate he was at home, the moment she tried to be affectionate towards him… He lost it.
Was she trying to kill him? Maybe. She tugged her closer, hoping that having her so close would help to make those men understand; he was the lucky one, the only one who could ever have the chance to admire her in all her beauty. He was the only one allowed to work his fingers through those golden threads of hers, to kiss those soft pink petals, to look at those green seas that were her eyes.
“I am merely saying the truth” he glanced at her briefly, just in time to see the smile adorning her lips. “You are the only man I could ever see. Everything I have is yours, so let them stare all they want. They can’t have what is yours and only yours”
Embarrassment still getting the best of him, all he managed to do was pull her closer. Were they not in public, he would have carried her just to have the joy to feel her in his arms again. She was right, he knew it. Everything that she was, it was all his. Just like everything Yukimura was belonged to her, in all ways.
“I still don’t like them…” he mumbled. “But you are right. You are my wife, that won’t ever change”
He might have already known what all those feelings were, but he was not prepared to say it out loud just yet. If it was affection, Yukimura didn’t know. Was it longing? Perhaps. There were too many options, too many unknown emotions overwhelming his heart.
A/N: Another RP canon story. RP created by @a-night-on-polaris, @kanarenee and myself. Part of Yukimura and Kanako’s backstory, based on what we have talked. A little bit of Yukinako because they deserve all the cuteness. Hope you enjoy this, Crystal <3
Unknown Emotions
There was something about that night that felt different. He didn’t know if it was the snow finally melting and giving space to spring. Perhaps it was the sake that tasted different from usual, the sweet liquor burning his throat with each sip, with each cup. Had it always been like this? Had it always felt so comfortable, so peaceful? At the absence of answers, Yukimura reached for the sake again.
His fingers touched hers.
Had this been any other night, any other woman, any other circumstance he would have jumped back, taken by the embarrassment. With her it was different, it always felt different. He drew back his hand, letting her pour the sake for him. His eyes wandered on her figure, on her face, on those lovely green eyes that were focused now on the empty cup. Yes, had this been any other woman he would have felt the urge to step away, to distance himself, but something about Kanako pulled him to her.
It was not the first time. They had shared countless nights like that one, chatting over sake, on the porch. But tonight was different; words had not been shared, they seemed pointless and too banal to break that silence that had settled between them. It felt comfortable, warmth even with the cold breeze blowing.
Maybe it was the sake warming him up.
Kanako offered him the cup, soft smile on her lips. He wondered if all women could smile like that, if they could light up a whole town just like she did. But he already knew the answer: no. No one could do the things she did. In all the time he had knowing her, Kanako had proved him that she was one of a kind.
The thought stole a smile from his lips.
Yukimura had never been close to women before. He had been raised to fight, to die, to go to war and bring honor to the Sanada. He never spent time with women before, no more than those few moments he ever shared word with the maids at the castle. His duty was not be an heir, and so, dealing with women had been left to Nobuyuki and not him. That caused him all kind of trouble; he was kind to a fault, but he blushed whenever a woman smiled at him. He felt embarrassed if his fingers touched those of a woman, the words caught on his throat, his mind blank.
But there was some kind of comfort whenever he was with Kanako.
He could not deny that sometimes those memories from their meeting came back to him and made him stutter, but now she had somehow become someone dear to him. She was a fighter; he could see it just by how hard she worked every day. All the trust he had put in her was still there, untouched, like that first day when he saw her in the onsen. He still trusted her just as much, the only thing that had changed was her place: Kanako worked for Nobuyuki, while he trained every day.
They were in the same place yet apart, and that was how it had to be, right?
Right?
Yukimura shook his head, slightly. It seemed like the sake was already making its effect on him. Sigh leaving his lips, his eyes glanced at his side. Kanako had not said a word either, too focused on the scene before her, and Yukimura thought it was odd. She was so taken by the scenery, by the night sky and those fireflies shining in the garden, while all that didn’t matter to him: he was taken by her.
Words had not been exchanged between them, the silence too precious to break it with banal words. There was so much he wanted to say yet no words seemed enough, they didn’t seem worthy enough to be pronounced, to take his attention off her to focus on the conversation. Yet, he averted his eyes. The sake was making him think things that he would not usually let wander on his mind, but there he was, wishing he could watch her all night.
It was not right.
It was not right for him to wish such things. He was not the man that should be watching her, that should be admiring her. He had no right to do so. Yukimura set his gaze in the fireflies floating in the garden, trying to ease the urge he felt to turn around. The green of their light reminded him of Kanako, it just made it harder for him to stop thinking about her. Her closeness, the warmth he could feel, all of it made it hard to resist.
His cup empty again, he reached for the bottle of sake. But so did Kanako. His fingers touched the skin of her hand, and he felt goosebumps all over his arm. Almost in slow motion, he turned to look at her, his eyes falling from her hair to her eyes, and then… to her lips.
“Lord Yukimura…?” she whispered. Her eyes had so many questions yet none left her lips.
They were closer, much closer than they thought. Kanako could see his blue eyes clearly in the moonlight; deep as the sea, dangerous as the ocean, strong like a storm. For all those years she had been wandering, she felt found whenever she looked at him. Yukimura had all the kindness she never felt, the kindness people never showed to her. And his eyes… They were always kind, no matter the circumstance. She wouldn’t mind being lost again if it was in his eyes.
“Beautiful”
What other word could he use to describe her? None fit her, and yet that term was still lacking. The word left his lips, and he never noticed. Yukimura was far too lost, drowning in the green ocean of her eyes, in that forest that always seemed to call him. The usual and reserved man he was, was gone; he sake had already settled in his bloodstream, making him lost track of his own thoughts, of his actions, of the time.
Kanako didn’t know what to do. Had he just called her ‘beautiful’? No, he could not have been talking about her. Yukimura had meant it for the sky, the stars, anything but her. Yet, at the absence of his voice, she fell silent. She felt the heat creeping over her cheeks, grateful that it was so late, so dark, so he wouldn’t be able to notice it. She was not beautiful. Beautiful were the fireflies still floating between them, the moon high on the sky, but not her. Yet she could not find the words within her to disagree… or the will to distrust him.
Was he supposed to feel like this? He didn’t know. The warmth he felt in his chest, the way his heart clenched, and the silence between them… Yukimura didn’t know what the meaning of all of it was. It was far too new, far too unknown for him to guess. Guided by the liquor on his system, he reached for her. His hand cupped her cheek, and almost like the breeze had pushed him, he got closer.
They were so close he could feel her breath on his lips. His mind was a mess, but the only thing he had clear was that he wanted to kiss her. It felt right, all of it. It felt like she was supposed to be there, in his arms, where he could protect her from the world and give her the shelter she had been looking for. Like she was made for him, to fit in his arms… Maybe she was.
Yukimura leaned in. She closed her eyes, the sweet warmth of his breath against her lips, and she wondered if he was really going to kiss her. He had always been bashful, in a way she found adorable, but she had never doubted his strength. Not now, when he had her in his arms, when he had managed to make her knees weak with just a word and the moonlight.
He brushed his lips against hers. Quick, fast, but it didn’t last long.
The sound of a branch breaking somewhere in the garden took him back to his senses, and Yukimura cursed himself. What was he doing? It was not right. No matter how good it felt to have her in his arms, he had no right to steal a kiss from her. The hand touching her cheek fell to his side, and he averted his eyes. He couldn’t see her face, not now.
Not after what he had done.
He needed to be away from her, from the feeling she had awaken within him... Away from all those unknown emotions that had been bubbling up inside of him, clenching his heart and filling his mind with nothing but her smile.
“Let’s call it a night” he said, taking the bottles and walking away.
He did not glance at her once.
Ashamed was a word he didn’t use often, but in that moment it was the only one that could describe what he felt. He was upset, frustrated. Confused, even. What had happened to him last night? What had he been thinking? It was Kanako, god dammit. He had been careless, but so had been she; letting her guard down just because it was him. He didn’t want to think about what could have happened if he hadn’t stopped on time. He had drank too much, he had been too close to her… It was his mistake.
Yukimura reached for his practice sword and headed out. He needed to waste his energy, distract himself with some training since his mind couldn’t seem to settle down. Silence, that was what he wanted. Some silence in his mind, in his heart, that could let him focus on what he had to do instead of what he wanted to do.
His eyes looked for her in the hallways, both afraid to see her but somewhat expecting to. The emotions on his heart were confusing. Yukimura wanted to see her again, soon. He could not wait to drown in the green ocean of her eyes. Yet, he knew better than that. After last night it was better for him to stay away, but the urge to look for her was stronger than his will.
It was too early; no retainers in sight, he took his practice sword and made the same routine as every morning. Harder. Faster. More. The sweat running down his back, Yukimura cursed his own weakness: no matter how hard he tried, Kanako was still on his mind. Her green eyes looking at him, just like last night, so close yet so far.
He let go of the sword, and looked up. A pair of green eyes was looking back at him, and Yukimura felt the blush creeping over his face. Was it the training? No, it was not. He had not done enough to be flushed, yet with just a glance Kanako had made him feel like he had been training the whole day with no rest.
His eyes fell on her lips.
She smiled, and he looked away.
He still wanted to kiss her.
“Maybe I have a hangover?” Yukimura mumbled to himself.
That was Kanako. He was not supposed to feel that way about her, about anyone. His heart beating with frenzy on his chest, Yukimura let his gaze fall to the ground. The memories were still fresh, but so was the sensation of her skin against his, her breath on his lips, the way her eyes glimmered as he had tried to kiss her…
No.
“Stop thinking about her…” he chided.
“Something bothering you, little lord? Or maybe you saw something you like?”
Yukimura looked up, finding Saizo standing in front of him with a grin. His eyes fell on the spot Kanako had been just a few seconds ago, and then back at Saizo. How long had he been there? The smile on his face only widened at the sight of Yukimura’s silence, like he was expecting that reaction all along.
“No”
“No? Or you don’t want to admit it?” all grin was removed from his face. Saizo crossed his arms. “You’re looking pretty red to me”
He felt his cheeks reddening. “Are you joining the training today?”
Change the subject, yes. That was the best option that Yukimura could find to stop Saizo from the words he was about to say; he didn’t want to hear it. Perhaps he already knew what he was talking about, but he was not ready to acknowledge it. Kanako was a subject that felt fragile in that moment, and Yukimura was not sure about how he should proceed from now on.
He had tried to kiss her. Her lips against his were almost tangible in his memories, and it only made it more difficult to concentrate. It had been barely a touch, a brush, yet it felt so alive. Definitely not enough, but he knew he had no right to claim her lips, to steal a kiss. Of all the things he could have done that night, he tried to kiss her.
And now it was a vision that would not leave his mind.
“You called for me, Father?”
Masayuki stood across him, a serious expression on his face. Being the man he was, being raised the way he was… Yukimura only needed to glance at him to know what it meant. War. His father’s eyes met his and nodded, his arms still crossed. Had this been any other day, any other circumstance, Yukimura would have returned the gesture. He would have felt the adrenaline rushing through his veins, like it always did whenever he was summoned for battle.
But not now.
“The Takeda are leaving for the front in a week. You are to go with them”
There was no reaction from Yukimura. What was he supposed to say? He had no choice, he would go whether he wanted to or not. His blue eyes wandered around the room, not wanting to meet his father’s gaze. He would go to Lord Shingen, like he always did, but the heaviness of his heart was something he could not ignore.
“Yukimura?” the stern voice of Masayuki echoed.
“Yes?”
“Focus. You know your place as a warrior” it was almost like he saw through him, but Yukimura could not be sure. “This is not the moment to lose your mind”
Lose his mind. Was he actually losing it? It was that why he felt so unsettled since he woke up? It had been two days since that night and he could still not meet Kanako’s eyes. Yukimura felt weak whenever he looked into her green orbs, and weakness was not allowed on the battlefield. Now more than ever he needed the peace she had stolen with that kiss, the strength she had taken with her, but he was not sure if he wanted it back. If she had something from him, what had he gotten from her?
“I will, Father”
There was no other answer, was it?
Yukimura needed answers.
He needed to find out what was that feeling he had every time he saw her in the hallway. He needed them, fast. It was the first time he ever felt something like that, something stronger than him, something definitely bigger than all his courage. It felt like an unknown battlefield, with no weapons, with no experience whatsoever. Who was he fighting, anyway? He didn’t know.
His days were counted, the war was close, and he had no idea what to do.
The urge to kiss her was still there, in the back of his mind, picking on him whenever he dared think of her smile. Of all the things he could not understand, Yukimura wanted to know why he wanted to taste her lips so bad. That night had been fateful for him, sentencing him to an eternal doubt. A doubt that had been consuming him the last days, making him overthink every little thing she did.
War was definitely close, too close, and instead of focusing on getting ready to depart he could not stop thinking about Kanako. She was too precious, too kind, and he had to keep that spark on her eyes safe. All he could think of was her safety. They could invade the castle, they could harm her; there were so many possibilities that Yukimura felt dizzy.
Yukimura had to make she was safe, away from any danger. And that included him. That dishonorable desire that had arised within him after that night was far too strong, stronger than him, and he was not sure how long he would be able to protect her. He always thought his strength would be able to protect anything and anyone, but Kanako had proven him wrong so many times…
He could not protect her from himself.
It was a strange feeling. He had never felt such chaos within himself, like something was missing, like he was incomplete. It was a feeling that had been clenching his heart since he let go of her that night after almost kissing her. She had taken all of him with just that touch, and Yukimura had gladly given it all to her. But it felt right to do so. Harmonious, perfect, she felt like she belonged in his arms.
Yukimura reached for his headband and sighed. He had no answers, only more questions, but he had no time to waste. If he had to give her smile up to protect her, then he would do it without doubt. It didn’t matter how much he would miss her warmth or the light of her eyes, her safety was first. She was always first, above any other thoughts he could ever have. He promised he would protect her, and he was not planning to break his promise.
He might have already known what all those feelings were, but he was not prepared to say it out loud just yet. If it was affection, Yukimura didn’t know. Was it longing? Perhaps. There were too many options, too many unknown emotions overwhelming his heart. It was dangerous for him, and for her.
He would send her away if that meant Yukimura was able protect her even from himself.
“Perhaps I will know what this is all about after this battle” he whispered, letting the headband slid off his fingers.
We decide to start posting some of the background to the RP we’ve written. This is an extension of the RP written by @a-night-on-polaris, @kanarenee and myself.
There were few things that made him feel that way.
On edge yet comfortable, like it was meant to be like this. Yukimura knew everything one could ever ask about battle, though the bare minimum when it came to women or feelings. He knew the warmth on his chest was because of her. His lips drew a smile while his fingers worked through her hair; Kanako had fallen asleep long ago, and he had spent the rest of the time watching her since sleep seemed to evade him.
Having her so close, with her eyelashes resting against her cheeks, Yukimura thought she looked fragile. Perhaps it was what the moonlight did on her skin, what her warmth did to his heart, what the love he felt for her had made to his entire life. She looked fragile, delicate, in a beautiful way. In a way he was not used to see. Kanako was the strongest woman he had ever known: giving up was never an option for her, and he admired her more than she could ever know.
That was why the sight in front of him was so refreshing, enchanting. Yukimura loved to see her fighting, letting out all the courage she carried within her, but there was something endearing about seeing her like that. He knew that sleeping with someone meant vulnerability; when he was on the battlefield, night was always the most dangerous moment. Anyone could attack them on their sleep. And seeing Kanako sleeping was like seeing her baring herself in front of him, again, like she had done so many times before.
He loved to see her like that. Exposed, vulnerable—but only to be the strength she lacked in those occasions, to take care of her, to love her as much as she did with him. If he loved her vulnerability it was all because he wanted to be the one to protect her, the one she could rely on.
“Yukimura?” her voice brought him back. His eyes fell on her face again, as she moved closer. He felt the blush creeping over his cheeks. “Is something wrong?”
“No, why?”
“You’re not sleeping…”
Kanako trailed off, Morpheus’s spell being stronger than her. A tiny smile appeared on Yukimura’s lips, as he fit her against him, almost like he wanted to cradle her. Even in moments like that she was worried about him, even when she was so tired she could barely talk.
“I’m all right.” He stroked her hair, his voice soft. “Just sleep.”
She did not reply, instead nuzzling her cheek against his chest. He smiled; how could he not love her flaws, her vulnerability? It was endearing, to have her in his arms, to be the one who she clung to on cold nights. Yukimura closed his eyes, the soft breathing of Kanako lulling him to sleep.
