accountability: day 31
Video 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oBu-pQG6sTY Video 1.5 (aka: I did like nine minutes of this one and then stopped): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TB2ISQZ5Mb0
I finished the 30 day challenge yesterday (and my first 30 consecutive days on the mat) and wasn’t totally sure where to go next, but I was just too excited to re-try the series and see my progress. Which is a totally self-sabotaging impulse, because, like, instead of being where I am, I’m trying to be where I am but also WHERE IS THAT IN COMPARISON TO LAST TIME I WAS HERE?! And I felt that right away: at the end of the first video, I didn’t ask, like, “Do I feel satisfied?” My brain took over and was like, “You should be twice as good as you were last time, so prove it by doing a second video.” Which, like, rude, brain. Also totally backfired: about a third of the way through my second video, I checked in with my body and was like, “Is this cool? Is this serving you?” and my body was really not into it. I finished the segment (for symmetry) and then actually tried to see how my body was feeling, and wanted to stretch my legs a little more, so I did a seated forward fold (super hard for me) and got one of those really good hamstring stretches, and that left me very satisfied. So, like, ownership challenge. I give myself a B-. Pulled it out in the end, but only after needless gnashing and ego. The first video was almost exactly as hard as it was the first time I did it. I mean, I did better with the postures and stretched further (especially in forward fold), and the lunges felt challenging not painful (ugh my weak legs), but all of the poses were just as hard or maybe even a little harder, because I was more aware of my form. Especially my core. I don’t think I started thinking about engaging my core until pretty far in the 30 day challenge, and unsurprisingly, checking in on it in every pose makes everything more difficult (and more rewarding??????).
Also, I didn’t curse at Adriene this time (I didn’t stop cursing during yoga until day like 11 last time), but I do think “Ease Into It” is a bummer video title. The practice probably is easy for someone whose body isn’t so wrecked, but ease is my greatest struggle. (Maybe what’s wrong with your yoga is what’s wrong with your life?) Maybe the word “ease” means something different to her. Maybe it’s more, like, aspirational. Like, we look for it but the search is an ongoing process. Or maybe next time I do this practice, I’ll know what she means.
[Also, my 30-day email pact with my friend is over–I won the day! And last night I made the honestly pretty weird decision to create this blog, mostly so I could track my yoga progress without searching through my inbox, but also so I could take a little post-yoga time to reflect for my own records. I’d like to imagine I’ll keep a regular practice for a long time, and if I do, I think it would be really nice to look back and remember what it felt like, being such a beginner. Or, heck, if I do stop practicing, then equally nice to be able to look back and remember how it felt to practice and how it improved my life. So I guess this is an actual blog? That no one will ever read? So why am I explaining the format transition? I guess because: 1) I’m a writer, and we obsessively narrativize our lives; and 2) if 30,000 years from now some deep-future archeologist tries to make sense of the floating detritus of the internet and wanders upon this document, she’ll have context for the genre. Hope the future is sublime, future-archeologist, and your people are all deeply & joyfully kind to one another. Sending blessings from the past.]