Lunch! Zanderfilet (Sander lucioperca, the Alpine pike-perch) on a pumpkin risotto. The green splashes around the edges are pumpkinseed oil, the vernacular "oil of choice" in this neck of the woods.
Devin grumbled to themself as they walked back towards their apartment, clutching the strap of their bag in their hand. It had been a long day at work, they'd been snapped at by too many people, sometimes they couldn't believe they really thought working in a bookshop would be nice. Well, most days really weren't this bad, but the bad ones always hit them hard.
They sighed as they finally reached their building, taking the stairs down to their door. It wasn't anything fancy, they could only afford a studio apartment, and that was still with a little help from their family, but they immediately felt relieved and relaxed when they stepped inside, just happy to be in their own space again. They dropped their bag on the couch as they passed through, to the area that made up their bedroom, separated from the living area with a bookshelf. They wasted no time in getting out of their work clothes, opting for a comfy sweater and shorts before flopping down on their bed. They allowed themself a moment to relax, before they rolled onto their stomach, dragging their laptop off from their bedside table and opening it up. After a day like this, they always liked to cheer themself up the same way.
They were nearly holding their breath as they started their laptop up, immediately opening up their favorite sites. It had taken them forever to hunt these down, they learned quickly to find ways to save the things they enjoyed. They looked through the images and videos available to them, searching for the one subject who could always brighten their day. They found one of their favorite videos of him, making sure the volume was up before they hit play.
The recording started with somewhat shaky footage of a man on the floor, wearing only boxer briefs, it was being filmed with someone's phone, only held steady with one hand while the other held a frightening looking device, a rod that had prongs on the end of it. Th man was desperately trying to push himself backwards, away from the approaching danger, but he only succeeded in his back hitting a wall, while the person filming laughed at his attempts.
"Come on mutt, you know you can't escape." He laughed, while the man on the floor growled at him. Devin didn't know how he did that so well, but it thrilled them every time. Mutt, the man filming called him, that's what he was often called in these videos, but Devin had watched enough of them to piece together his real name, Zander.
"Fuck off." Zander snapped at him, though the rage on his face quickly shifted to fear when the man triggered the device, the prongs at the end sparked to life. Devin liked it when his eyes got all big and frightened, he was such a scary looking guy, it excited them to see him so terrified.
"Language." The man told him, and with that the device was jabbed into his side, the electric shock drew an agonized scream from Zander, his body going tense as the man held the trigger down. Devin couldn't help but smile as they watched him writhe on the cement floor. They could see all the scars that covered his body, the C burned into his arm. They often wondered what it stood for, though they knew they'd never find out.
When the man filming finally pulled the device away, Zander was left panting, struggling to catch his breath. His body was trembling, they could see the sweat on his skin, Devin wondered just how long this actually went on, the video itself ended shortly after, before he could be shocked again. Devin liked to think he endured more than just the one.
They pulled up another old video of him, one they'd seen many times before. They hadn't actually found anything new of him in a couple years now, they had to assume the worst at this point. After what they'd seen him endure, surely he wouldn't survive for all that long. They found it kind of sad, they missed the feeling they got whenever they came across new videos and pictures of him. Of course, he wasn't their only subject of interest, just, one of their favorites.
This time, he was shirtless and surrounded by people, on his knees with his wrists chained above him in the middle of the room. Someone had painstakingly taken on the task of censoring the faces of everyone involved- except Zander, of course. They'd seen a few before where his face was also hidden, but there were always clues that gave it away, the brand on his arm, the other specific scars, the collar he wore, even his voice. They'd watched so many by now it was always easy to recognize him, but they preferred to see his face. He had the prettiest brown eyes, and while he was typically angry and defiant, their favorite part was always when that facade finally broke, and for just a few moments, he'd look like a terrified little puppy dog.
They idly kicked their feet behind them as they watched the video, delighting in the way people repeatedly kicked him in the stomach, the way his eyes were squeezed shut in pain while he grit his teeth, unable to try and defend himself. When someone noticed his eyes were shut, he was slapped across the face.
"Eyes on the camera, sweetheart." A man reminded him, the same man who had been filming as he shocked him. Zander visibly shuddered, they had seen it a few times when this particular man was involved, identifiable by his voice and the black leather gloves he always wore. He only ever called him mutt or sweetheart. Zander seemed to hate the second one the most.
He did look back at the camera, for a moment Devin could see fear in his eyes, but then he was slapped again, his expression returned to one of anger, while the people around him laughed at his reaction. He appeared to be the main entertainment for some kind of party, Devin always wondered just how they could get invited to one of those, they wondered what they had to do, who they had to know to get to be a part of this. Somebody passed by and snubbed their cigarette out on his shoulders, he yelped in pain, like a kicked puppy, it gave Devin that excited, fluttery feeling of butterflies in their stomach.
"He makes the cutest ashtray, doesn't he?" A woman said, Devin sometimes wished that they smoked, just so they could've had a shot at making him sound like that.
The video progressed, and they watched as he was kicked and punched in the face, his nose broken which caused blood to run down his face. They liked to draw him in their spare time, they often drew him with the bloody nose he sported in so many of his videos. They found it to be one of his most attractive features. Their favorite part came later on, when he'd gone slack in the chains holding him up and could no longer try and look tough, when they heard the crack of a whip that struck so quickly it was easy to miss it. The whip left a bright red mark across his chest, blood welling up where the skin split, and he let out an absolutely pitiful cry. He attempted to bring his arms down to protect himself but it was no use, he was trapped in that vulnerable position.
Sometimes they liked to pause the video here, right after he opened his eyes to glare at the camera again, though today they simply let it play. They swore they could see tears in his eyes, they wished the camera were just a little closer, they wanted to take in every detail of him, the way his body trembled from the pain, the labored rise and fall of his chest as he struggled to breathe through it, the way his hands clenched into fists above him. He was so pretty, they couldn't believe he was even real.
They probably would've spent the entire night like that, scrolling through their favorite sites, but after an hour or two of that, their phone went off, they snatched it up quickly to see one of their friends asking if they wanted to go out that night. Their mood already lifted from earlier, their favorite distraction was all but forgotten already as they quickly shut their laptop down and got up off their bed, eager to start getting ready for a fun night out.
***
Zander looked over the list in his hand again, earlier he'd stood in Eli's room in front of his bookshelf, hurriedly scribbling down which manga series he still needed volumes for onto a slip of shark patterned note paper he'd snatched from his desk. He thought getting a few for him would make for a good Christmas gift, he knew Eli would appreciate the help in adding to his ever growing collection. He stood in a bookstore now, though he'd never been to this one, he'd been wandering around for a bit trying to find the things he was looking for.
"Hi, do you need help finding anything today?" He looked up, almost startled by the voice, to see one of the employees standing there. They had black and pink hair, he thought that was cool, and when he glanced at their name tag he saw the name Devin written in pink marker, framed by cutesy stickers. They were looking up at him with their big brown eyes, a smile on their face, and while they seemed perfectly friendly, Zander just felt like something was off in the way they looked at him, the hair on the back of his neck standing on end.
"Um, yeah actually, I'm just looking for a few of these for my friend." He said showing them the paper he'd written the list on, they quickly looked it over.
"Oh, these are right over here actually! Follow me!" They said brightly, leading him through the store. "Are these for you? Or maybe a gift?" They asked, making conversation as they led him to the right shelves.
"Yeah, a gift for a friend," He told them, "I thought he might appreciate some help filling up his collection." He said, thinking about all the different books on Eli's shelves, all arranged alphabetically by series.
"I'm sure he will!" They said, that smile still on their face. They were very upbeat and bubbly, being perfectly helpful as they simply did their job, so he didn't understand why he felt so odd about them. Something about their smile, the way they looked at him, it made him want to get out of there as fast as possible.
When he'd first gotten away from Cain, he had a lot of anxiety going new places, or out in public at all, but it had been a couple years now, and at least one year on anxiety medication, he was shaken by this fear suddenly returning. He resisted that urge to drop everything and run though, and they helped him find each of the specific books he was looking for, he ended up with about five of them that he carried towards the front of the door, they offered to check them out for him as well. He kept telling himself he was being ridiculous, there was no reason to be so unnerved, but still, he couldn't shake the feeling something was wrong.
"Thanks for the help." He told them as he finished up paying. He was sure he was the one being weird here, they'd done nothing but be helpful after all.
"Of course! I hope your friend likes them! Have a good day, Zander." They said happily, tucking the receipt into the last book before placing it in a bag. They handed the bag to him, Zander thanked them and left, though the feeling he'd had before was worse than ever.
As he stepped outside, his hand instantly went to his collar, to find it was still turned around, the tag still hidden beneath his hair. His stomach turned, and his heart raced. He didn't remember ever giving them his name.
