can we please have a Drabble about Zeke being studded out by Marley to make a new generation of Warrior candidates ?
You and I both know it would eat.
🫶😭 ofc, i love this idea
they looked so happy, hanging posters of his face on every corner. where children, big and small came to hope and stare. "warriors! the pillars of marley, the great shifter soldiers!" they often said. but it was all fake, marley didn't give two shits about their warriors, the soldiers they seemed to glorify so much. zeke's stomach stirred after every mission, bags of sleep grew darker from underneath his eyes as they worked him tirelessly, order after order barked at him like a dog.
"look at that…" pieck pointed, her attention focused on the children below the balcony, playing at being shifters. bittersweet, it was. "they have no idea," she added. zeke shook his head, smoke from his cigarette curling as it released from his mouth. "and it's me they're mimicking." he said solemnly, staring at one child in particular with the glasses so similar to his own.
"new generation of warriors they say." pieck sighed.
“i don’t want to understand, i want you to stay” w mr zeke yeager haha :|
why do some ppl use jaeger and others use yaeger i do not understand <3
pairing: zeke jaeger x reader
warnings: hurt/no comfort just for u gary. but rly angst w/o happy ending
wc: 740
“I don’t want to understand, I want you to stay.”
Zeke had been spending more and more time away from you. You understood that he wasn't allowed to tell you what he was doing or where he was going for security reasons. But he had been leaving before you'd wake up and coming home after you'd fallen asleep. If it weren't for the brief half-asleep moments you'd wake up and feel him next to you, you'd probably believe he never came home to begin with.
You knew as a Warrior he had obligations to Marley, but sometimes it felt unfair. He already sacrificed everything to become the Beast Titan. He already risked his life going over to the island. What more did they want from him? What now was so important that he needed to spend nearly every hour of every day off hidden away in some building?
And you knew it wasn't like this for all of the Warriors. You often saw Porco, Pieck, and Reiner out and about with the young candidates. They'd invite you out sometimes. Occasionally you'd say yes but usually it was "No, I want to make sure I'm here when Zeke comes home." They'd all give you a sad look, like they knew about his recent neglect towards you. It felt like they all knew something that you didn’t, and no one would tell you.
This morning was no different, Zeke woke up at 4am and wanted to prepare for his long day hidden away in a room doing God knows what. But you weren’t there next to him in bed, this time. Close to three weeks of the same routine and he hadn’t woken up without you beside him a single time, where were you?
The living room, waiting for him to come out so you could talk to him. It would be the first time you’d spoken to him in weeks aside from the half-asleep “I love you”s you share before he leaves in the morning. You had been rehearsing what you’d say to him for hours before he finally came out of the room, fully dressed and ready to go.
“y/n, why are you awake? You should get to sleep,” Zeke walked over to you and reached out his hand, attempting to take you into the bedroom so you could rest.
“We need to talk, Zeke.” You took his hand but pulled him down so he would sit on the couch next to you, “I’ll be quick.”
“About what? y/n I really need to go,” Zeke sat anyway, he could never say no to you even if he tried. He put most things before you. Keyword is most.
“You’ve been so absent lately,” You start, looking down at your hands, “Feels like I don’t even have a partner anymore. Wake up alone, eat dinner alone, go to sleep alone. You were gone for so long and now you’re back but you’re not here.”
“You know I have an obligation to Marley, y/n. They need me there.” Zeke could feel himself already growing annoyed. “I thought you understood, how important this is. We have Eren now, things are going our way. Everything will be okay soon, you know. You have to understand.”
“I don’t want to understand, I want you to stay.” You finally looked into his eyes, “They’re going to send you away again soon I can feel it. And then what? I just wait until you come home so you can do it all over again? Or wait around until I get told you’re dead? Do I get any time with you before they send you to death?”
Zeke scoffed, “You’re being dramatic, y/n. I’m not going anywhere. I have to leave now, I’ll see you tonight.” He started to get up, walking towards the door without waiting for your response.
“If you leave right now, Zeke, I’ll be gone when you get back.” Though your voice shook, he could hear you were serious. And it killed him.
He wanted to stay there with you, he didn’t want to leave every morning and be without you all day before returning to you when you’re already asleep. He absolutely did not want to walk out the door right now and lose everything he had left. But he had to.
a/n: scouts version here! writing reiner’s and porco’s made me sad.
warnings: death
reiner: the moment the words left zeke’s mouth, reiner’s emotions would immediately come crashing down. he stared tearily wide-eyed, not knowing what to think or do. all he could do was cradle his head with shaking palms, knees falling roughly to the ground as he profusely pleads for it all to be a lie. he begs and begs, his sobs piercing the air around him as he mourns for the loss of his light. his throat felt tight and his lungs felt empty. as he sits there, the reality of you being gone sinks in further and he finds himself having to place a hand on his heart because the pain was too unbearable for him.
bertholdt: shock is the first thing bertholdt feels. did reiner say, you died? he falls into a stage of denial. but the ringing rhythm of his pounding heart and the quivering of his lips tell him that you truly are gone. he lets out quiet sobs into the sleeve of his sweater and the guilt begins to wash over him. why wasn’t he there to save you? why was it you? why not him? his sobs get louder and he so tragically remembers the comfort of your words when he would feel this way. who would give that to him now?
annie: her eyes go wide and her jaw clenches. tears brim her eyes as they slowly turn dull and lifeless. annie would isolate herself within the confines of her room- once shared with you. she’d often sit on her bed, sheets and pillows sprawled about as she tucks her knees into her chest, hiding herself in the small space that was once filled with your melodious laughter and cheer. she curses herself, and she curses this war-wretched war that took away the love of her life.
zeke: being the war chief, zeke had a mask that he had to put on in front of his colleagues and superiors. but the second he was alone in his room, he lets out a sorrowing exhale, back sliding down to the floor. tears blur his vision and he holds his head tightly. he rocks back and forth, feeling the cold atmosphere of his empty room nip at his sweaty skin. he murmurs soft “im sorry”’s and continuously finds the need to swipe away at the endless tears streaming down his face. zeke doesn’t move from that position all night, eventually falling asleep alone for the first time in years.
porco: pure anger. porco would act the most hostile and rash out of them all. he just can’t control his emotions or actions anymore. he constantly spaces out and appears more intimidating than usual. but the bags under his eyes are a tell tale sign that he is more than just angry. he’s tired, tired of the war, tired of himself and tired of you not being there by his side like you always were. he breaks down in the privacy of his room, finding his anger bubble up again. he trashes the place- flings the chairs, flips the table, breaks the mirror, all while cursing and screaming out grievingly. by the end of it, he hands are cut and bloodied but he tunes out the pain because the ache in his heart is far insufferable.
pieck: pieck goes quiet. she sits down in the nearest chair because she feels her lungs fill up with burning agony. with her face buried in her hands, she sobs. she couldn’t believe it, her heart wouldn’t allow her too. she’s locked herself in her room more often as the days go by, and she takes lonely naps without you to pass the time. she hasn’t felt this way before. she’s never experienced so much pain all at once that she feels she might explode.
colt: always asks himself ‘why wasn’t i there for them?’ he curses himself, ‘i’m a warrior’, so why couldn’t he save you? zeke’s noticed him being less enthusiatic about warrior duties; dazing off, often appearing late, or sometimes not appearing at all. colt’s hands tremble in misery as he clunches the portrait of him and you by his bedside table. he was too cooped up in the horrors of his mind, laying lifelessly on his now too-big bed.
☞ zeke jaeger x fem reader [ chapter word count: 6.5k]
☞ sfw, alluding to non sfw if you squint, angst, modern au. not proofread (soz), u r eren's friend and homies with the 104th, jumps from present to past
☞ cross-posted on ao3
☞ plot: 'i'm a loser, baby, so why don't you kill me?' zeke jaeger - former aspiring baseball star. you - formerly caught in the mix of loving him. together - meeting outside a bar a year and a half after your break up.
☞ loser [part ii]
i. beginning
NOW
it’s only when smoke starts blowing out of his puckered lips that you realise it’s him, standing in all of his bitter glory. you can practically taste it, and you can already feel the tug of the rational side of you trying to pull you back into the bar through the side exit you just came out of.
the flickering light in the tiny alley reflects off of blond waves and you’ve known zeke (you had known zeke. it’s been more than enough time to stop making that assumption) for long enough to know that he’s already noticed you. it may be dark, it may be god knows what hour of the night, but the unmistakeable smirk playing on his lips is one that you know means he’s well aware of your presence. you’re already scowling, he’s probably relishing in the fact that you haven’t turned away yet.
why haven’t you turned away?
you can still hear your friends’ laughter over drinks inside (sasha the loudest, as always), and it’s definitely not too late to turn back now and pretend you had never even seen him. to leave him here under the flickering lamppost with that stupid smug smirk on his stupid smug face. your feet are already stepping back and he just has to look up at you when you finally feel your thoughts starting to recollect. he just has to zap the common sense right back out of you.
“been a while, huh?” zeke says, voice as gruff as ever while he stamps out his cig.
your jaw clenches, “yeah, it has…what are you doing here?” last you heard, zeke had quit baseball and was in some other city doing whatever it is he spends his time doing now. whenever eren mentions his elder brother, you force yourself to zone out. you know he’s his brother first before your ex, but sometimes you just don’t want to hear it. sometimes you just don’t want to risk being stuck in the spiral of thinking about him again.
the smile that breaks out across zeke’s face when you ask is one that makes you feel sick, “visiting eren and his mom. he didn’t tell you?”
no, you think, obviously fucking not.
“he probably didn’t think i’d see you,” you say, biting the inside of your cheek when zeke pushes his glasses up away from his face to rest up in his hair.
zeke slightly cocks his head at you, “and yet here we are.”
*~*
THEN
“zeke,” you whisper frantically, your eyes darting up to the clock resting above zeke’s bed and your back digging into the door handle. it’s no use. zeke still has his face buried in the crook of your neck, beard harshly scratching at your skin and hand pressing your back into the door. “zeke.”
“mmph,” zeke grumbles in response, and you grab either side of his head and pull him away from you until he’s looking down at you with flushed cheeks and a smile you know is meant to make you stay. it would be so much easier to just succumb to it.
“i need to go back.”
“you’ve still got time,” zeke insists, trying to force his way out of your hands but your grip is unrelenting.
“they’re not gonna believe that i was in the bathroom for twenty minutes.”
“big shit.”
“you’re disgusting.”
zeke eventually exhales in defeat, stretching up to his full height and reaching behind you to open the door for you. but, before you can fully step out, he grabs a hold of your wrist and the way he looks at you when you turn your head back to him makes you want to stay for another twenty minutes. makes you feel like it’s just inevitable.
“yeah?” you ask, trying to remember how to breathe again.
“i’m leaving again in a couple of days.”
“i know.”
“so you’ll see me again before i go?”
maybe it’s this part of zeke that made you stay for the long run. this part that makes you stick with the way he constantly makes you feel like you’re simultaneously breathing your first and last breath, like every time you close your eyes the only eyes you see are his. that makes your head feel heavy with thoughts of him.
but you know, frighteningly enough, that that’s not true. that it’s all of him. even the parts that make you sick.
you press a small kiss to his lips in reassurance, and he lets go of your wrist before offering you a smile (a rare one that isn’t filled with hints of some scheme, some joke that only he knows about). when you return to your friends, all sprawled out in eren’s room figuring out rides to and from whatever frat party you were being dragged to tonight, you stare at your feet the entire way in until you join sasha on the floor.
“hey,” eren’s voice bellows, and you can already hear the smirk in it before you instinctively lift your head up and meet his eyes.
“what?”
“next time, can you tell zeke to give me back my fucking hoodie?”
the whole room erupts in laughter when your mouth drops open, even more so when you stare at the ground sheepishly.
but eren isn’t laughing when he pulls you aside before you all shuffle out of the door, grabbing onto your arm and looking at you dead serious, “listen. i’m not telling you what to do but just…don’t get too excited with zeke.”
“what? what’re you talking about?”
“he’s my brother, you know. i love him. so i know what i’m saying here.”
“okay?” you question, and eren just sighs in response, seemingly still trying to look for whatever words he wants to say, “what are you trying to tell me?”
“zeke…he…”
“…he?”
“he’s the kinda person that hurts more than gets hurt.”
before eren says anymore, you hear familiar footsteps shuffle into the entryway, and your eyes are darting to the side only to meet zeke’s. eren leaves and you offer zeke a smile, still trying to figure out what eren was getting at as you leave the house as well.
you know now, while you stand in front of zeke, a year and a half later, that eren was right. he was unequivocally, undeniably right. and you know now, while you stand in front of zeke, that it is something he does on purpose. he hurts and hurts so it is impossible (unimaginable) that he’d get hurt too.
and one way or the other, it was always going to happen to you.
*~*
NOW
“you look good,” zeke says to you when you lean on the wall opposite the lamppost he’s leaning on. you wish his words didn’t bring about the same exact butterflies they used to a year and a half ago, and you wish he didn’t know exactly what they were doing.
“thanks,” you offer back quietly.
“not going to return the compliment?” he teases, and you feel like you’re back in his room at eren’s house, pretending you need to go to the bathroom and making a bee-line for zeke’s room. and he was always there waiting for you. he always looks like he’s waiting for you, and you hate how it still makes you feel like you’re walking on air.
“i’m sure you can find some elsewhere,” you retort after an empty pause. zeke grunts amusedly and you can’t help but smile back. you shift in your place awkwardly.
“how’ve you been?” zeke asks
“good. working,” you say almost automatically. like you need him to know you’re older now, you’re better now. that you aren’t the dumb girl from back then anymore. so why do you still feel like her? why do you want him to care? “what about you?”
“good,” zeke says. “i mean, other than the fucked up arm and the career down the toilet.”
“i’m sorry.”
zeke shakes his head dismissively, “don’t be. ‘s all good.”
there’s a part of you that’s more selfish than you’d like to admit. and it’s mouthing off in your head so clearly that you can’t scarf it back down into the depths of your stomach. it wishes that zeke had never gotten that injury, that he could’ve continued on with his blooming career and his game after game, because then you would’ve ended for something. then you wouldn’t have to wonder if you could work now. then you wouldn’t have to look at this gaping space between the two of you just begging to be crossed.
then you wouldn’t have to try to figure out if it had just been zeke, no baseball or career or future, and he had been just as he was (as complicated and sneaky and sometimes just cruel) would you have even left?
the familiar laughter of your friends bellowing from inside cuts you out of your thoughts, and your phone vibrates loudly in your purse. zeke’s eyes immediately shoot up towards it. they’re probably wondering where you are.
“need to go back in?” zeke asks.
you hold your breath.
“i’m fine here.”
*~*
THEN
zeke’s car always faintly smells of smoke. you always pretend that you can’t stand it, always berate him and tell him he can’t be fucking up his lungs like that if he’s trying to be a sports star, and he just laughs in your face. you think you do it for that laugh.
“here you go,” zeke says as he pulls up outside your place. you unbuckle your seatbelt and turn towards him.
“do you think eren minds about us?” you blurt out, and he can tell it’s what you’ve been thinking about for the entire ride here because he’s beaming from ear to ear.
“is that what was eating you up?”
“just answer it, zeke,” you say sharply, but he just smiles wider.
“we’ve been doing this for...what? two months now? i’d say it’s a bit late for him to start minding now.”
you let out a breath you hadn’t even realised you were holding, “right.”
but then zeke unbuckles his own seatbelt and leans in closer to you, resting his arm across the top of your seat, and now you can’t breathe again. you wonder if he knows that this is how you get when he so much as moves around you. you can feel his breath on your neck.
“is that it?” he asks, his eyes so obviously flickering down to your lips. you force yourself to keep looking at him.
“um...uh-”
“come on, just say what you want,” zeke teases, bringing his other hand to rest on your thigh.
“what...what is ‘this’?” you quietly ask, and you can feel the regret start to choke you when zeke visibly freezes under your gaze. he leans back into his seat, and you’re suddenly missing his warmth. you only get more restless when he pushes his glasses up through his hair and looks at you like you’re a puzzle he’s trying to figure out. (like it isn’t the other way around. like you don’t spend half the time you’re with him trying to figure him out.)
“well...what do you want?” he responds after a while, and you have to hold yourself back from calling him a fucking idiot because what the hell does he think you want? what the hell has he been playing at for the past two months?
you sigh, “just...forget it.” and you turn around and try to open the door, only to be met with a hand wrapped around your wrist pulling you back into your seat. pulling you practically over the console. you look back at zeke and you make a mental note to try and remember this moment where it looks like he finally has his guard down. where the skies in his eyes aren’t clouded over, and where it doesn’t feel like he’s a part of some scheme just waiting to play you for a fool.
“hold on,” he whispers, “just...wait.” he snakes a hand up to cup your cheek, fingers grazing against the hair that starts around your temple. you can’t help but melt under his touch.
“i’m waiting.”
“i- fuck…” his hand glides around to the back of your neck, cupping the back of your head, “i’m not here all the time.”
“i know.”
“and you still…?”
“yeah.” you can’t stop smiling. this is probably the first and only time zeke will ever let you see him like this. he pulls away from you completely.
“okay,” he says, and extends his hand out to you over the console, “girlfriend?”
“are you serious?”
zeke simply brings his hand closer to you in response.
“fine,” you pretend to sigh in annoyance, grabbing his hand and shaking it, “girlfriend.”
suddenly you’re being jerked towards him and his beard his scratching against your face and his lips are on yours, tongue immediately swiping over your bottom lip. and suddenly you’re forgetting how annoyed you were before; how nervous you were before. you’re forgetting everything. and it’s scary. it’s scary how he always makes you feel like you’re free falling, and like he’s the only one who could possibly catch you. it’s scary how he always makes you forget.
but it’s the kind of fear that just makes you want him more.
*~*
NOW
your phone vibrates loudly in your purse again and you just hope that one of the girls isn’t going to come out and look for you.
“who are you here with?” zeke asks, still leaning on the lamp post opposite you with his gaze trained on your purse.
“sasha, mikasa, historia...you know. the girls,” you say. zeke nods his head.
“sasha…” zeke brings his hand up to his beard in faux-thought, and you can already tell he’s about to make some dumb joke or some stupid comment, “brown hair...kinda loud?”
you roll your eyes but the way your lips are still curled up into a small smile is unmistakable, “you know who sasha is, zeke.”
“i’ll take your word for it.”
another pause. one thing you’ve always hated about zeke is how he always just looks. he doesn’t ever seem to have a nervous bone in his body, and if he does, it’s protected in layers and layers of arrogance and slyness. and he’s doing it now...just looking at you, without a care in the world. you can practically feel his gaze burning holes into your dress and straight through your skin.
and he has to know he’s doing it because every time you glance up in hopes that he’s stopped, his eyes lock onto yours and he gives you that dumb smile again. you try to swallow down the realisation of how much you’ve missed that smile. and missed how much he always made you feel like something worth looking at shamelessly. he’s the first one to break the silence (of course he is.)
“you cold?” he asks, and before you can even properly answer he’s shrugging off his jacket and walking across the alley to you. you feel your body lock up when the fabric of his dress shirt brushes against your skin as he sidles up next to you. way too close. even across the fucking alley was too close, because now you’re not sure if you can move again.
you realise that it’s not even cold when he drapes his jacket over your shoulders, his fingertips sending shocks up your skin. always the charmer.
what an ass.
“thanks,” you murmur, finally gaining the courage to look at him. he offers you a grin in return.
“of course,” he says. of course, you mock, shut the fuck up,“you should probably text your friends back.”
“i’m not staying out for long,” you snap, pretending that it hasn’t been long already. you just want him to know that this isn’t a plan. you’re not actively thinking about spending the next while out here in this shitty alley with him (you might be).
“you sure they won’t worry either way?” zeke says, and your heart flutters against your better judgement when you hear the sincerity in his voice. zeke seems even more all-consuming than he was before, and you know that part of that is because of how much effort you’ve put into not having to hear of him for the time that’s passed.
you also know that it’s because a part of you has missed being consumed by his presence.
so you pull out your phone and click onto your messages, quickly typing a response to the questioning texts sent into the groupchat. your fingers freeze over your screen when you feel zeke slightly lean over you and look down at the glowing screen with you, his beard slightly scratching against your neck.
you feel him smile when he hears your breath hitch in your throat.
you glance back up at him questioningly and he offers you a close lipped smile and leans his head back up against a wall while you shove your phone back into your purse.
“so, who are you with?” you ask, pulling zeke’s jacket tighter over yourself.
“hm? oh,” zeke starts, “i’m with pieck.”
your heart drops.
*~*
THEN
sometimes you wish you had never met zeke. that somehow you could be friends with eren and still not have a single clue who zeke is. it’s in this moment especially that you feel like this, because while you should be enjoying dinner with your friends at this restaurant, all of you huddled around a table, all you can focus on is zeke from across the room with his own friends.
and they’re nice, you’re sure they’re nice people, and you know zeke isn’t ignoring you because every few minutes he looks up at you and offers you a smile that makes this all okay for a second. but it doesn’t mean that as soon as he looks down you don’t feel the urge to storm up to him and wipe his mouth straight off of his face.
it doesn’t matter how nice they might be, because that doesn’t stop the way zeke has his arm slung around the raven-haired girl’s shoulder (pieck, you think) from making your heart hammer against your chest.
you can hear her laugh all the way from here. it’s pretty, and zeke is always laughing with her. everyone at the table is always laughing with her. and zeke looks right at her when he does, too. him and his fucking looks. fuck you fuck you fuck you. why does he make you feel like this?
“you okay?” sasha nudges you from her seat next to you, and you look back at her to find her and mikasa staring at you with their brows furrowed, concern painted across their faces.
you nod your head, “yeah, i’m fine.”
“you know you can go say hi to loverboy if you want?” jean interjects, his sudden comment causing connie, armin and eren to suddenly be just as interested in the small exchange between you and the girls.
“he’s not loverboy,” you say, picking up the glass of coke in front of you and taking a sip.
“you sure, cause–” connie starts, but immediately cuts himself off when he’s met with a silencing glare by mikasa.
“you good?” eren prods, and his involvement just makes you feel worse. how do you say ‘oh, hey, i’m unnecessarily jealous of the girl your brother is currently all over.’ so you swallow down your insecurity and offer a reassuring smile.
“i’m good, can we get dessert now?” you say. and that seems to be enough, because everyone slowly begins to lean back into their seats, and maybe everything is good and you’re just being unreasonable. you know you’re being unreasonable, it’s just so annoying that it’s because of zeke. that he makes you get like this. that he makes you feel like an over the top school girl and–
“that’s it, pieck!” zeke’s voice bellows from across the busy restaurant, and your head immediately lurches to his table where he’s slightly raised from his seat, hand around pieck’s back and grasping her shoulder as she downs a pint of beer.
you hear the clink of her glass when she basically slams it back up on the table, her upper lip covered in the foam of her now empty drink. the whole table is laughing, heads thrown back and shoulders shaking, but you can still make out zeke beaming at her, laughing the loudest.
“damn,” jean says, and only then do you realise that everyone on your table is now looking over at that table too. but that doesn’t stop you from watching the scene unfold in front of you, gut wrenching as you hope to whatever omnipotent being that it ends here. here is okay. here sucks, but it’s okay, and you know you can just turn back to your friends and continue on with your night.
but then…but then zeke is wiping off the layer of foam over pieck’s upper lip with his thumb and you think your teeth are about to crush each other with how hard you clench your jaw.
it’s when zeke gets rid of the foam now collected on his thumb by licking it off that you get up and leave.
you don’t look back until you’re met with the darkness of the street outside the restaurant and the slight chill of the air. you have to think about breathing, about moving, and it’s so exhausting. zeke is so exhausting. you wish you could just forget him.
but how do you forget him when a familiar hand from behind you is placed on your shoulder and you’re turning around to be met by the light of the streetlights from afar reflecting off of zeke’s glasses and his calloused fingers gliding up your neck to cup your jaw?
how do you forget him when he snakes his other hand to the small of your back and gently pushes you closer to him until you can feel his warm breath fanning your cheeks, looking at you like you’re made of glass and the only thing he knows how to do is to wait ‘til you break so he can be the one to put you back together?
“zeke,” you choke out, voice strained and eyes so desperately not wanting to look into his. but his gaze is so captivating, and it takes everything in you to leave your arms at your sides and not reach out to take off his glasses.
“hey,” he whispers back to you, brows furrowed in concern. why does he have to look at you like that, like he cares so much, when it hurts so bad? because now, now there’s a part of you thinking that maybe this ache is worth it, “listen–”
“why would you–” you cut him off and try to catch your breath, “why would you…do that?”
“do what, baby?” zeke asks carefully. quietly. you want to rip yourself out of his grasp, but you know you’ll miss it too much.
“don’t– don’t call me that right now,” you say, still trying to even out your breathing, “you know what. you know.”
“what? with pieck?” his thumb caresses your cheek and you’re so painfully aware that it’s the same one he used to swipe across her upper lip just a while ago. you want to scream. yes, with pieck. yes with pieck, who’s older and wiser and prettier and more experienced and has a life sorted out for herself and isn’t zeke’s little brother’s inexperienced friend. you always feel like a kid around him. around his friends. your third year of college, but still a dumb little girl.
“what do you think?” you practically hiss, and zeke’s eyebrows shoot up in shock. you don’t want to be this. you don’t want to be petty and jealous and whatever it is that’s making him think about recoiling away from you right now but it’s the only way that’s preventing this fucking irritating hurt from permanently settling into your body.
“that was nothing. baby, i–”
“that wasn’t nothing to me.”
zeke stops. you don’t want him to notice the tears brimming at your lower lash line, but you know he has, and it just makes you feel even more pathetic.
“what?” zeke whispers, trying to urge you to say more. you can’t stop gulping.
“…that really hurt, okay? like really fucking hurt.”
“okay.”
“and i know…i know you have more ‘experiences’ or whatever, but to me…to me that really stung.”
“i’m sorry,” zeke cups your face with both hands now, and you grasp his forearms.
“you’re my first in everything, zeke.”
“what does that mean?”
“it means,” you take a breath, “it means that it doesn’t feel great knowing that i care about everything more than you–”
“hey, hey. i care about you,” zeke cuts you off, immediately pressing a kiss to your lips. he’s a charmer. you know he is. but maybe you’ll forget it for now.
maybe you’ll just focus on the way he has an arm wrapped around your waist so tightly, like he’ll die if you’re not stuck by his side, while he calls a cab to bring you both back to your place. you’ll focus on how he left his friends without another word, how he practically tugged you away when you were trying to wave bye to eren’s silhouette standing at the entrance of the restaurant, who was chosen by the rest of your friends inside to be the best person to beat zeke’s ass if needed.
and you’ll just focus on the way that he grasps your hand so tightly as you sit next to him in the stuffy taxi, bringing your hand up to his lips every few minutes when you’re not looking, knowing that it makes you melt under him. you’ll just focus on how he takes up all the space in your bed and holds you flush against him, insisting on not letting you go for the entire time you both sleep.
and you’ll focus how when his phone flashes with a text in the hours of the early morning, you see a text from hours earlier on his lockscreen.
Pieck | 01:27
Your little girlfriend okay?
and you’ll focus on how it makes your stomach drop.
you’ll focus on how the next time you see zeke with his friends, with pieck, it still hurts. and he still has an arm slung over her shoulder, he still sits closer to her than you’d like.
when his friends post videos of him and pieck, arm linked around hers and brought up to his mouth, chugging pints of beer, you’ll focus on how eren looks at you apologetically, looks at you because he told you so. and you bite your tongue and hold your breath and wish zeke away. wish zeke closer.
wish for zeke.
wish that you didn’t let him whisk you away with a few kisses each time, and you didn’t always accept it no matter how certain it was that you’d just wake up next to him feeling worse.
*~*
NOW
“pieck,” you repeat after zeke. it takes him a while to connect the dots that litter the silence that follows after her name, but when he does he’s quick to lean away from you.
“it’s not what you think.”
“what do i think?” you immediately retort.
zeke smiles at you and it makes you uneasy. you know he’s picked up on the harshness in your voice, you know he’s picked up on how now you’re the one feigning cluelessness and questioning him. he’s made you worse. he’s made a small part of you like him, and you hate him for it.
“you grew up a little, huh?”
“you grew up a lot, old man.” you smile when zeke visibly cringes at the nickname.
“okay, compromise. we both grew up the same amount,” he jokes, cocking his head at you.
“i’ll think about it.”
he laughs again, “can i buy you a drink?”
there’s that fear again, the one lightly tapping your shoulder and reminding you of everything you managed to escape, of how far you’ve come. and making you just want to take it all back and let zeke buy you wherever and take you wherever. you bit your lip and try to reel yourself in, especially when zeke’s eyes flicker down to your mouth.
“i don’t…really feel like going back in,” you say eventually. zeke nods his head and doesn’t make any effort to back away from you. if anything, it feels like he’s getting closer.
“right, well. can i stay out here with you longer?” zeke asks and it’s too much of struggle to bite back the smile that already spills its way across your face at his insistence to stay with you. he’s always had you hooked on this feeling of being wanted. you had thought you were better than that after all this time.
“wow, you’re asking?”
“hey,” zeke feigns offense, “i’ve changed.”
zeke smiles when he hears you laugh, eyebrows shooting up, “what? is that so hard to believe?” he nudges his elbow lightly against your arm. the contact makes you shiver, and you’re suddenly thankful for the cover his jacket offers you.
“hmm, i don’t know,” you start, “will we ask pieck?” the way zeke looks like he’s not even quite sure if you’ve just said that makes you all the more grateful for your sudden burst of courage. makes you all the more grateful for the way the thought of pieck (with her lazy smile and captivating eyes and kind voice) makes you see red for a split second. zeke takes a moment to recollect himself.
he reaches his hand up to his chest and squints his eyes, “ouch, low blow.”
he laughs when you laugh, and then it’s silence. you wonder if he’s going to walk away now. you wonder if he can tell how bad you don’t want him to. you wonder if he can tell how you hate yourself for that.
“is she not waiting for you in there?” you ask when he still hasn’t moved away from you and you can still feel his arm against yours.
“the others are probably here by now,” zeke says. the relief that washes over you when you realise it isn’t just the two of them makes you feel pathetic, but it’s still relief all the same and suddenly your muscles aren’t as tense.
“right,” you mutter, training your gaze straight ahead at the wall opposite the two of you.
“things seem to be going good for you now,” zeke comments and you know he’s watching you stare at the wall ahead of you. you know he’s watching you try your hardest to not stare at him when he’s standing this close, and when you’re not trying to stop him from getting any closer.
“yeah, you could say that i guess,” you quietly respond. when he doesn’t say anything back (no curt retort or prying question or sly joke) you make the mistake of turning your head slightly towards him and looking at him, and you don’t know why you’re surprised when piercing blue eyes are already staring back at you. you don’t know why you’re surprised when your body starts to turn towards him too.
“i…” zeke starts, slowly leaning closer to you until you both face each other directly. it feels like your knees are about to give out when you feel his breath brush over your cheeks, “i really am sorry about. about hurting you.”
your heart wrenches. why does his remorse only hurt more?
“yeah,” you practically whisper, “i know.”
zeke’s eyes flicker down to your lips and this time you know he hopes you see it.
“i was never really a relationship person but i just…really wanted you,” zeke says, and maybe this is the most honest he’s been to you without you having to coax it out of him, “for myself.” he adds.
“and you had me,” you softly remind him, and your breath catches in your throat when he rests a hand on your waist over his jacket.
zeke’s calloused hand makes its way to your jaw, fingers threading through the hair at your temple. the familiarity is making your chest soar, “i did. fucked it up though, didn’t i?”
you laugh, “yeah, you did.”
he laughs back. and then he pulls you closer to him by your jaw until your lips meet.
and you let yourself drown without a second thought.
*~*
THEN
zeke paces back into the room, hand raised and pinching at the bridge of his nose. you stay planted on the bed, back facing him, unable to look at him seem so tired of you.
“why aren’t you happy? i’m happy!” zeke exclaims, and the closer he comes to you the more you feel like you’re going to burst on the spot. you wish you hadn’t of allowed yourself to be selfish and just smiled and clapped when he told you his chance to change teams. like a good girlfriend.
like a good little girlfriend.
you twist around to find him standing still facing you, staring at you and waiting for some explanation that’ll make this all okay. you exhale, “i am happy for you. i’m happy. i just. fuck – like, see you even less?”
zeke’s eyes soften for a minute and you think that maybe everything is okay. but things are never surface level with zeke, and every emotion comes with a plethora following in tandem.
“this is my future. this is what i’ve gotta do to get it,” he says like he’s in some lifetime movie. for someone that makes you feel like you’re overreacting most of the time, he sure is good at playing up the dramatics.
“i know that, zeke. i just…” you start. what can you even say? you can’t ask him to stay. you won’t ask him to stay, “i was just being honest about how i feel. that’s it.”
zeke sighs, “how you feel,” he mocks quietly.
you freeze.
“what’s that supposed to mean?”
zeke looks like a deer caught in headlights.
“nothing–”
“no, go on then. you can tell me how you feel now.” you egg him on, and you don’t know why you’re so eager to set yourself up to get hurt.
“you know what? fine,” zeke starts, “you and all this shit you fucking feel. i’m just trying to play fucking baseball and you still somehow find a way to nag and be insecure about that too…”
zeke trails off when you don’t break eye contact with him. you don’t think you’ve ever felt so hurt and so angry at him. you don’t think you’ve ever wanted to hurt him back so bad. he doesn’t move until the silence passes between you, and it takes its sweet time.
“if you speak to me like that ever again i’m gone,” you say curtly once zeke starts to stare at his own two feet. and the pride you had started to feel for yourself for finally saying something, for finally asserting something in this relationship or whatever the fuck you can call it is cruelly dissipated by zeke’s icy and empty laughter.
he shakes his head in pity when you furrow your brows at him, “no, you’re not.”
“what?” you practically whisper. zeke chuffs.
“you’re not gonna leave and we both know it.”
you don’t realise you’ve gotten up from the bed until you’re scrambling out of the room, picking up whatever belongings that find their way in front of you on zeke’s bedroom floor and shoving past him before shuffling down the stairs discordantly. you don’t know if you can hear zeke following after you, but you know that if you stop to find out the potential disappointment is going to crush you.
you mutter out a hasty “see ya, eren” when you trudge past the kitchen and you’re out the door before eren can even fully realise that its you.
when you get home, you launch yourself at your bed and only grow more and more annoyed with yourself as the night goes on when each time your phone buzzes your heart sinks when it isn’t zeke.
eren | 21:37
so you and zeke worked it out then?
you | 21:39
what do you mean?
eren | 21:40
u’ve been up there with him for like 2 fucking hours dude
your chest constricts.
eren | 21:41
i live here too ya know
you should’ve known. someone like zeke, no matter how much he had claimed to have loved you or cared about you, would never be satisfied with just you. you’re just something to collect, something to fall back on.
eren | 21:43
chill i’m not listening. tv’s on
you | 21:45
i’m at home.
you shove your phone underneath your pillow and try to bask in the moment before it’s really real. before your hopes of eren just being sorely mistaken are proven completely futile. before you have to learn how to swim back up to the surface again.
new message – eren jaeger 21:50
fuck.
*~*
NOW
zeke tastes like mint and smoke. and he feels like something you shouldn’t be tangling yourself up with again. but he won’t stop biting at your lower lip or pulling away to just look at you and its dizzying. it’s hypnotising.
you missed it.
but you don’t want to miss it anymore, so when he pulls away again you don’t let him drag you back to his lips. he doesn’t think anything of it, just stays with one hand resting at your waist and the other on your face. he smiles at you – a boyish grin that still brings about butterflies.
“it’s really nice to see you again,” he says, and he laughs when you smile sheepishly, “seriously.”
“likewise,” you say in all honesty.
“do you…do you wanna…?”
“i don’t think i can leave with you,” you say almost immediately.
zeke smiles and nods his head, “of course.”
“and i don’t think i can try with you again,” you continue, and this time zeke’s looking up at you like he hadn’t expected that. you don’t really know if you had expected it either. but having your head above the surface, even with the struggle against the current, seems better than aimlessly sinking into zeke right now. no matter how enticing it is.
“you can’t?”
“no. i can’t,” you say, and something flashes in zeke’s eyes.
“alright,” zeke says, and you don’t know why you panic when his grip on your waist softens, because you immediately reach out and grab his wrist.
you want to let him go. you do, really. you have to.
“but…” you drawl out, trying to ignore the way the hope dancing around in zeke’s eyes is making you feel so jittery. you have to let go of his wrist and give him back his jacket, “i can try just for tonight.”
zeke grins and kisses you again.
you have to let him go and swim back up for air. and you will. you will.
Hi love! I hope I’m not bothering you in any way but I was hoping to request something if that’s okay with you?
Im currently going through a lot and I’m a crying sad mess. But do you think I can request a Zeke x reader where Zeke finds the reader crying and he just holds them. Making the reader feel better. Not going to fucking lie I would kill for this man to hug me right about now. (Throw in angst and fluff <3 as much as you want )
I hope you have a great night!!! <3
BABE i’m so sorry you feel bad, if you want to talk to anyone you can message me, i’m a good listener! I hope you feel better now <33 also soft zeke supremacy
it was happening again. that endless, dreading feeling of sorrow that never seemed to go away. sometimes it would last an hour, other times it would go on for days. days that you spend curled up in bed, ignoring all your calls and wetting your pillow with warm tears. you would think all this crying would make you feel better, relaxed. but it made everything so much worse.
and it didn’t help that your fiancé was away on a business trip. oh, how you wish he could make all your sadness go away, to help you get back on your feet. it felt pathetic sometimes, to depend on him so much, but you couldn’t help it.
“honey, i’m home.” you heard a set of keys drop on the console table as he made his way upstairs. you were too far gone to care about how you looked; a mess, in all honesty. swollen eyes, red nose, tear-stained cheeks.
but zeke didn’t care what you looked like. he found you beautiful in any way, shape or form. so when he opened the door to your shared bedroom, suitcase in hand, he gave you a sad smile. he took his jacket off, kicked his shoes off and curled up in bed next to you.
“what is it, my love?” a strong arm wrapped around your waist and flipped you over so you were facing zeke.
“everything hurts.” you mumbled, voice broken and tired. your fiancé nodded and leaned down to leave a kiss on your forehead.
“i know. i know.” he nodded and brought you closer, resting his chin on the top of your head. his arms wrapped around your waist, legs slipped between yours under the blanket. you rested your cheek on his chest and breathed in his scent; cologne and cigarette smoke. as much as cigarette smoke smelt bad, you still loved it. it always reminded you of him.
you still felt tears run down, wetting his shirt, but you know he didn’t care. his fingers running through your hair and his other hand caressing your back brought you at ease. when did you get so sleepy? your eyes couldn’t stay open after a while.
“i love you so much, zeke.” you mumbled, shifting to wrap your arms around his neck and get comfier.
“i love you too, my baby. get some sleep, okay?”
“mhmm.” you nodded, dozing off as zeke showered you with small kisses all over your face.
Synopsis: The forest was the last place you thought you'd find yourself infatuated with someone you barely knew - especially not your cocky prisoner.
Themes: angst, flirting, guilty love, big plot twist
Warnings: kissing and suggestive language, bullying / teasing, mentions of death, some anxious thinking, light alcohol and tobacco use, profanity. reader uses she/her pronouns. s4 spoilers.
Word Count: 5.7k
Anon (🐸)'s Request: Hi ! Can I request a Zeke x fem reader imagine/one-shot? Reader is a captain for the survey corp and long time veteran. She is really intelligent and is a strategist for the corp. They kind of hate each other but have a lot of chemistry but start bonding before the forest incident. Sorry if that isn't specific enough and too vague.
On occasion, you tended to be so logical that it ruined your life. There was no room in your mind for daydreams, love, or speculation. Fate was false - most things in life were completely arbitrary. That was the way you’d trained yourself to think. Not because you enjoyed it, only because it made it easier to survive.
This way of thinking is a result of your lifetime with the Corps. The award of a Captain’s position was the fruit of your labor, along with being revered for your ability to strategize. Many of the most important and most successful missions in recent years had been planned by you. But, the bubbling tension and division within the walls have thrown you for a loop. You’ve attempted to collaborate with Levi in recent weeks to try to pin down any conflict - anything you could do to calm the storm and keep your comrades safe would be worth it.
Instead of being able to act on whatever plans you’d developed, you’d been assigned to the most bizarre mission you’d ever taken part in: babysitting some man in his late twenties, all the way out in a forest filled with towering redwood trees. This mystery man was apparently not to be trusted, he was Eren’s half-brother from Marley and the holder of the beast titan. He’d done tremendous damage to the Corps in the past. His intentions and motives now remained mysterious, but one thing was for sure: his loyalties lied with Eren, not with the Scouts.
You were disappointed and terrified all together. Being so far away from the action left both you and your comrades vulnerable. But, Levi insisted you needed to confine this man far away from society. And although you were a captain, whatever Levi says usually goes.
The forest wasn’t so bad upon your arrival. Damp pine needles that covered the ground coated the air in a sweet aroma. The blanket of shade given off by the trees was temperate in the summer heat. The tents you’d been provided with were sturdy, insulated, and a dark shade of green that complimented the woodland setting. Above all, you were accompanied by 30 trained soldiers and a shipment of high-quality Marleyan wine.
The entirety of your first day in the forest was spent unpacking and setting up your living quarters. Stars now peak through the canopy of branches above, and a cold breeze ruffles the millions of leaves surrounding the camp. The air was chilly despite the heat that blazed earlier in the day.
The cot you’d assembled in your tent is comfortable enough, but the grey sheets you’d just stretched over the mattress still smell stale. You conjure up the idea of going for a walk while your blankets air out. The musty scent sure wasn’t going to lull you to sleep.
Your timid feet crunch on the ground through the forest for a while, away from the camp. The mist of your breath is tangible in front of your face - the light jacket you’d brought wasn’t going to be enough to keep your goosebumps at bay. It’s much more intimidating out here at night than you’d expected. Darkness brought mystery to the gaps between each tree. And the sheer amount of trees beyond the campsite is dizzying, their height is even more difficult to process. They add a sense of company to your walk, although you can’t tell if they are peaceful observers or prying sets of eyes.
It’s surprisingly quiet out here, no animal or human alike made noise at this hour. The silence leads you to pick up on the echo of a fire crackling somewhere. You’re suddenly a bit excited - you’d figured everyone would have gone to sleep by now.
You spot a comforting orange glow coming from the other side of the distant campsite, offset from the main groups of tents. Maybe someone else’s sheets needed time to breathe too.
The light grows brighter as you trek towards it. It leads you to a humble tent and a fire pit with two rusted metal chairs placed on either side of it. In one of the chairs sits a blonde man in a white shirt, with his back turned to you. He has his nose in a poorly bound book - its stitching is frayed and the pages look wilted, as if they’d been dropped in water before. A cigarette smolders in his free hand.
Your feet crunch into the ground a little harder as you approach in an attempt to avoid startling him. The man looks up to you once you’re finally facing each other. His face is foreign to you. Round glasses on his nose reflect a golden luster from the fire in front of him, blurring your view of his grey eyes slightly. Blonde waves are parted down the middle of his head, tousled a bit too perfectly. He has a well groomed beard that compliments his structured face and strong biceps that peak through his shirt sleeves.
He’s handsome, classy, alluring. Nothing like the usual around here.
“Hi, I’m Captain Reader,” you say with a small smile.
“Reader, huh?” he says, folding his book closed, “I think I’ve heard that name somehow…”
“Oh, possibly. I’m a long time captain. I do a lot of strategic work as well, and it's not exclusive to the Scouts. So my name tends to get around.”
“My name is Zeke,” he replies, returning the smile. “It’s nice to meet you.”
Zeke… did that sound familiar? You couldn’t decide.
You take a seat in the other chair across from the fire, warming your hands once you get comfortable. The embers lit in front of you are only a sad little bundle of sticks, clearly in need of more fuel. Zeke rolls his shoulders back as his eyes focus in on your frame. His attention is definitely not on the book anymore. His body language almost tells you he likes what he sees - he’s open, relaxed, observant. The cigarette has gone a bit limp in between his fingers.
You’re guilty of curiosity too, as your eyes prod his figure. There must be something in the air.
“What’s that book about?” you question, “it looks… well loved.”
He chuckles. “It's a little fantasy piece, actually. Not something I’d usually find myself reading, but I’ve read it a hundred times now. It’s about a maiden who buys her way to heaven, and a prince who rescues her from the consequences.”
“Interesting…” you say, “how does someone buy their way to heaven?”
“With something far more valuable than money,” he explains. You wonder if the sultry undertone he added was all part of your imagination. It was a little grumbly, suggestive.
“And what would that be?”
“Not sure, still trying to figure that one out,” he remarks, bringing the cigarette up to his lips. Light from the fire gets trapped in the smoke and travels up through the dark air as he exhales.
“You’re gonna ruin your lungs if you keep doing that, Zeke,” you joke.
He chuckles again, “So she’s pretty and caring. Guess I’ve lucked out.”
You feel a little heat rush to your cheeks. This innocent, flattered, puppy-love feeling: you hadn’t felt this way in years. You really wish you could just brush it off, it wasn’t something you were used to. Instead, you let your mind wander for only a second - it would be a nice pastime to have a summer fling with someone in this forest. You were more than tempted. It would get your mind off of the impending doom you tended to feel in chaotic times like this. You could live a bit for once.
And the beautiful man in front of you could be the perfect candidate.
“Hmm, it’s convenient that you think so,” you reply, crossing your legs.
“Convenient? For you, or for me?” he questions. “Looking to get something out of your time in this forest, Captain?”
You pause. He’s bold. “Depends… what about you?”
Zeke lifts the book up slightly in his hand and flips it over to examine its withered back cover, “Not sure, maybe I’ll finally experience whatever this book is talking about. Something so desirable I could cheat my way into heaven with it.”
No. His tone wasn’t your imagination.
“I have a feeling you’ll end up being the prince that has to deal with someone else’s fuck-ups instead,” you laugh.
His lips curl back into a smile as he starts to laugh with you. “Doesn’t sound out of character,” he replies.
His pretty blonde hair ruffles a bit as the wind picks up. And shit - is that wind bitter. The miniscule fire wasn’t doing it’s best to warm you. You notice your limbs are shaking, too much for your jacket and hands to conceal. Zeke surely notices too, he’s been eyeing you this whole time after all.
“Here,” Zeke offers, pulling a thick corduroy coat off of the back of his chair.
“No, no. You should wear that. I’m alright,” you protest, rubbing your hands over your arms vigorously to try to stop your shuddering.
Zeke gets up from his seat anyway and crosses the gap between the two of you. You look up to him once he’s standing over you, embarrassed. Two big hands drape the hefty fabric over your shivering shoulders. You immediately feel warmer as your body heat gets trapped underneath it.
“Thanks,” you mutter, pulling on the jacket to adjust it on your arms.
The wind still howls as Zeke goes back to his metal chair. He sits down casually, taking another drag of his cigarette as his eyes move back to you, lingering on you gently -- like he feels satisfied or nostalgic. Your features looked so beautiful in the faint orange light of the fire, as the only focal point in his vision while darkness clouded everything behind you. He couldn’t help but stare.
“I do mean it,” he says as he exhales, “that you’re pretty.”
His words hang there for a moment. They wait for you on a hook, persuading you to take his bait. So he could reel you in.
“Trying to flatter your superiors huh? Well that’s one way to get what you want,” you retort.
“Who says you’re my superior, Captain Reader?” he jokes.
You laugh at him.
“Don’t take this the wrong way,” you begin, “but I’ve never seen you around before. Are you from another branch of the military?”
Zeke pauses, letting out a huff of air.
“You know, with a reputation like yours, one would think you’d know your enemies a little better.”
Your face drops from a smile that rested high on your cheeks to a shocked, open-mouthed glare. You’re frozen. Why didn’t you assume…
“You’re the other Jaeger…” you trail off.
Zeke brings the cigarette back to his mouth and flips his book back open in response.
You stare down into the fire, unsure of what to do or say next. You were mortified. Maybe saying nothing was the answer - you’d already dug yourself into a hole by flirting with your prisoner. And damn, did Zeke deliberately let you. He knew who you were. He wanted you to feel this way. He led you on.
Who was supposed to deal with your fuck-up now?
You stand up, keeping your eyes on the ground.
“Goodnight, Zeke,” you say quietly, dropping his coat onto the chair.
You move quickly through the dark air that nips at your ears, back to the safety of your tent.
***
“Don’t go off and be an idiot,” Levi warns.
You assure him you wouldn’t, pouring a big glass of wine for yourself with a smile spread across your face.
Levi had been more than reluctant to let your soldiers bring this wine, but you’d done some convincing. This forest had been boring for the past few days. Laughing over a few drinks would be a sure way to liven up the crowd. You were just excited to finally get a taste of this Marleyan wine that everyone had been raving about.
You hadn’t seen Zeke since that night three days ago. Unfortunately, you couldn’t get him off of your mind. Partially because you were horribly embarrassed. And angry. You couldn’t believe you’d walked into his trap like that, practically offering yourself to him as a subject to humiliate. You were sure he’d enjoyed every bit of it.
And the other reason you couldn’t get him off of your mind…
He was a bit gorgeous. And you loved the way he talked to you, how it made you feel. Even though your time with him was so short, you secretly wanted more. You cursed yourself for thinking about him like that after all the harm he’d done to the Scouts. All of it made you sick - it was wrong, it made you feel like you had dirt on your hands.
But what if you tried to talk with him again? Just to sort your feelings out. Then you could be free to forget about him. This time, you would control yourself. You knew who he was now, and what it meant to be speaking with him. You were allowed to speak with him, you just had to be careful if you were going to proceed. None of you could trust him.
But the curiosity was still killing you.
You swirl the wine around in your glass as you dig the toe of your leather boot into the soft ground - trying to decide.
Anxious feet move below you before your mind is ready for them to, back toward Zeke’s tent.
It was nearly sundown, and beautiful purple rays beam through the forest, shattered from full display by hundreds of tree branches. The air was warm tonight, so there would be no need for Zeke's jacket again.
Once you see his camp, you notice he’s back in the same chair again. He’s still reading that torn-up book, this time with a pencil in his hand. He scratches little notes onto the pages here and there.
He looks up once he hears the familiar sound of your boots. The eyes behind his circular lenses scan you, lingering on the glass in your hand. You wonder if you should have brought him one.
“Hi, Zeke,” you say softly, making your way to the chair across the empty fire pit.
“Captain, thought I’d never see you again,” he says, a false excitement stuck in his voice.
You keep swirling your wine around in its glass, waiting for it to air out so you could take your first sip. It smelled divine, so fruity and fresh, in contrast with the earthy smells that the forest gave off.
Zeke looks up to you over the top rims of his glasses, unimpressed. You raise your glass to your lips, almost ready to tilt it back and let the chilled, burgundy wine rush into your mouth.
“That’s sluggish if you,” he remarks.
You pause, letting the cool glass linger on your bottom lip.
“What?” you bark, pulling the glass from your mouth.
He looks back down at his book, “No Marleyan strategist - or any good strategist for that matter - would drink in front of their adversaries. It makes you look sluggish.”
You just gape at him. He’s probably having fun while trying to irritate you. Two could play.
You put your arm out in front of you and flip the glass over, pouring the wine onto the wet dirt below. It splashes up onto your boots as it streams from your cup and runs down to spill into the fire pit.
“Happy?” you grumble, tossing the glass into the dirt. “Probably shitty wine anyway, considering you two come from the same place.”
He snickers, “Not quite. I was hoping you’d just hand the glass over.”
You regretted trying to talk to him now.
“Fine,” you sigh, getting up from your spot and turning back toward your tent. “Keep scribbling in your stupid book.”
“Actually, I was writing the two of us into the story.”
You’re sure he’s just pushing your buttons further - trying to lay another trap for you and capture you in another awkward moment of infatuation. But his words cause you to pause in your steps for a second.
“And what are we doing?” you question.
“We just cheated our way into heaven.”
“Creep,” you grumble before continuing to walk.
***
You hadn’t gone near that wine since. You had a grudge against it now, it completely ruined the mood last time you saw Zeke. But it had sure lightened the mood for everyone else, probably a little too much. Everyone except for Levi, of course. It was nearly impossible to change his mood.
In the meantime, you were still victim to unwarranted thoughts of Zeke in your head. This almost felt like a schoolgirl crush, how he bullied you a bit. This was more like torment, actually, considering you were trying to get him out of your head. But it didn’t change the fact that you liked what you saw.
Lately he was always reading that book and jotting down notes in it. And he rarely left his little corner of the campsite except for when he went on walks sometimes. You’d admire him from afar, careful never to let your eyes meet with his.
You’d take the images of him now burned into your brain back to bed with you, and stare up to the dark tent ceiling above. You’d fantasize about what it would have been like to meet Zeke in another life. One where the two of you weren’t enemies trapped on two different sides of a war. Where you didn’t feel guilt for your interest in someone who had jeopardized you and your comrades. Where the two of you were free to know one another.
You couldn’t pinpoint what kept driving this involuntary curiosity you felt towards him. It was tiring, honestly. But you wanted his company. Maybe you just wanted company in general -- it's not like you got along with him or anything.
Should you fix that? Did you even want to fix that? Would a peace offering be doing too much?
He did mention he wanted your glass of wine…
So one night, you cave. And you march over to the wooden cart that held dozens of cases of wine, an empty glass for Zeke in hand. You’re shocked to see only four measly bottles remain, laying on their sides in the only wooden case left. You could have sworn the shipment was full only a few days ago, but this camp had been set up for weeks now. Everyone here must be just as bored as you were, and several times more thirsty.
You pry open a cork and pour a few inches of wine into the glass, stopping to waft the crisp aroma into your nose. The air tonight was crisp too, it was cooler than it had been in recent days. You were adamant about remembering a jacket this time. The journey to Zeke’s tent feels long under the moonless sky. Hesitancy, followed by regret, pools into your brain as the dim light from his campfire comes into view.
Grow some balls, you’re convincing yourself that all of this means more than it really does. You’re bringing him a glass of wine for God’s sake.
There’s still time to turn around though… you could just finish the glass on your own. Out of range for him to bully you for it.
But he’s sitting there so prettily. He has his boots up on the rocks surrounding the fire pit, careful not to burn their soles in the flames. His blonde locks are pushed back slightly, giving you more room to look at his smooth face. And he’s certainly not busy, just reading his old book. Maybe he still had some compliments left for you despite all the bickering you two had done. Maybe he-
“Haven’t tried any of that ‘shitty’ wine yet, have you?” he questions. You hadn’t even noticed how close you are to him now. You’d gotten lost in him on the way.
“No…” you grumble, “it's for you. A peace offering.”
You stick your hand out. He receives the glass, lifting it up to examine it before taking a big drink.
“Ah,” he breathes, clearly satisfied. “It’s disgusting, Captain. Really.”
You stifle a laugh. “Everyone else seems to think so too. It’s all nearly gone.”
“Hmm,” he says, taking another sip, “None for you, I guess. Might as well just let it run out.”
“I think I will,” you mock, turning away from him to go sit in your chair,
The sizable fire Zeke had put together tonight was quick to thaw the chills on your arms. You really didn’t need your jacket after all, and opted to lay it over the back of your chair. The two of you sit there in silence for a while, taking in each other’s presence, observing the dying light in the forest.
Zeke looks at you eventually. Your eyes instinctually dart away.
“What made you want to come see me again?” Zeke asks.
You frantically search for an answer. You need to be careful.
“Boredom,” you reply flatly.
“You think so?” His attitude is back to how it was the first night you’d met. He’s engaged, focused, yet comes off so casual laying back up against his seat like that. He enjoys toying with you, like a cat to its prey.
Be careful.
“Don’t like my answer or something?”
That wasn’t exactly careful.
“No. You’re just not being honest.” He breathes that last word out like he needs to get a rise out of you, then he nonchalantly takes another drink while he waits for you to respond. Your mouth is open the slightest bit; you’re nervous, angry. He’s in your head now. He was reading you like that overused book of his.
“Then what do you want to hear from me?” you question. There’s thankfully still a false calmness in your voice.
“Just the truth. It’s not that complicated.”
You were sweating in front of this fire now. What was the truth? That you were interested in him? That you wanted nothing to do with him?
Be honest.
“I guess I just like your company,” you admit. Your eyes fall to the rocks lining the fire pit.
***
The discussion became pleasant after that, surprisingly. You guess you just needed to own up to how you felt. Your admittance caused some of the anger and tension tugging between the two of you to subside. The conversation was calm, collected, bouncing around from subject to subject: from the book, to life in Marley, to life in Paradis, to your occupation, and back to the book. Most of it was uneventful, but you liked that. It made it easy to pretend you were talking to him on the first night again, before you found out who he really was.
You left his camp with a giddy smile on your face. You’re on your way back to your tent now, after saying your goodbyes to Zeke. It was late, and you needed to be up early to have an important conversation with Levi. And god forbid he found out about any of this business between you and Zeke. Even though nothing was serious, it would come off unprofessional. And rightfully so.
You’re so lost in thought by the time you’re opening your tent door that you didn’t realize your arms were cold. The jacket you brought was probably still hanging off the chair at Zekes fire pit. It would look suspicious if you left it there and one of the other soldiers happened to see it.
You go back quietly, careful not to let anyone hear your footsteps. A couple of scattered thoughts weave their way into your head on your journey - what if this was another ploy of his? An attempt to get you back where he wants you, this time late at night. But how could it be? You were the one who left your jacket there. If anything, this was your own attempt to lead yourself back to him. Did you want him that badly… deep down?
When you reach your chair, you find it to be empty. You check around its sides, back, and underside - no jacket in sight. Out of the corner of your eye, a sliver of light shows from under the tarp serving as Zeke’s tent door. He’d probably noticed it and taken it inside with him after you’d gone home.
Halfheartedly, you meander to the tent door. You tap on it once the limited glimmer of light from inside touches the toes of your boots.
“Zeke? Do you have my jacket?” you whisper, still flicking the tarp to get his attention.
No answer.
Cold air stings your exposed skin as a draft swoops down through the camp. You also were wary of any observers that happened to be out this late at night. There was no telling what it looked like you might be doing outside his tent at the moment. The more uncomfortable you became out here, the more impatient you got.
“Zeke!” you hiss, whipping your head around your shoulder to double check your surroundings.
Still nothing but silence on the other side. Had he fallen asleep already?
The urge to pull back the tent door hits you. It would only take a moment to retrieve the jacket, then you’d be on your way.
Once again, making this a bigger deal than it really is.
But that didn’t matter. It felt like a big deal. That’s what every situation that involved him felt like. A big, complicated, multidimensional deal.
Be careful.
That wasn’t the answer either. Being careful was a good tactic when it came to strategizing your next moves in war. It was sometimes rendered useless when dealing with love. This was out of your control. And that was ok. That was what compelled you toward him - the mystery, the rush.
Let go.
You grip the tarp, it crinkles under your stiff fingers as you pull it back. A rush of warm air hits you, along with the light of a few oil lamps. And Zeke… shirtless. Sitting on his unmade bed with your jacket in hand.
The sight of his sculpted body in front of you sets a nervous, unprepared spark off in you, causing you to shut the door fast and stumble inside. And all at once, there you were - back in Zeke’s grasp. You accepted that wanted to be there.
“My jacket... ” you say, staring hard at the fabric in his hands, trying to avoid eye contact with his bare chest.
He stands up in silence and comes to your side, raising the jacket up once he gets real close to you. Oh no, he’s draping it over your shoulders again, slowly this time around, taking his time to stare into your puppy dog eyes. Dammit - the hot cheeks, the butterflies, the embarrassment. All of it was back now, in an instant he had you feeling like puddy in his hands. The two of you stare at each other as his hands adjust the jacket around you, stopping to play with one of the buttons on the front.
“You’re forgetful,” he mumbles, still focused on the button on your chest. His tone is sweet and quiet, a small smile appears out of one corner of his mouth.
You weren’t breathing, or thinking. Just looking down innocently at the hand that was so close to you.
“I’m not… normally,” you say quietly.
Zeke’s hands move to grip each side of the front of your jacket gently. His eyes move up from the hands placed on your jacket, and back to you. To your lips. You part them at the realization, swallowing the lump that suddenly appeared in your throat.
He shifts further in towards you, tugging on your jacket the slightest bit.
One cohesive thought rises up in the blankness of your brain. You want to kiss him.
The urge was mutual. Your lashes flutter against your cheeks a few times before you shut them, turning your head slightly to the right. Zeke follows your lead. You feel warm fingertips touch your chin and guide you to his soft pair of lips. His other hand abandons your jacket and comes down to meet your waist, slowly sliding to the small of your back. You melt into his touch, pulling yourself in closer. Chills go down your neck at the sensation of being in his arms, at his mercy. It feels so right, so warm and gentle. You want to keep going - so bad. You want him to hold you, touch you, kiss you harder.
But only for a moment.
You pull away once the guilt hits your core, gently touching your fingers to your lips.
Zeke stares at you, his eyes a bit wider than normal. His arms have gone limp at his sides without having you to occupy them any longer. You can tell there’s something on the tip of his tongue, something that might save the situation and bring your lips back to his. You didn’t want to hear it.
“It’s wrong. This is all wrong,” you say, backing up into the tent door behind you.
You think of the war. You think of your duties. You think of who Zeke really is. Any fluttering in your stomach was gone now, instead it was filled by tinges of regret.
“You’re right. It is,” he responds. He walks back over to his bed and sits on the quilt ruffled at its end. He runs a hand through his hair as he turns his head away from you. “I figured you’d be smart enough not to kiss back.”
You were almost too shocked to notice how much his words burned. Your mouth hangs open as your eyes squint at him a bit. Emotion courses through you as your mind crashes down from the high you were just on. You needed out of this tent.
You grip the tarp resting against your back and fling it open. You felt lost, speed walking away from Zeke’s tent and toward the center of camp. The night concealed the confusion on your face, but only for a minute. A fire glows near your tent, lighting up your surroundings - its Levi. You try your best to avoid him, changing your course to avoid his eyes.
“What are you doing awake, Reader,” Levi questions dully.
You don’t let out any response other than stopping in your tracks.
“Is everything... alright?”
“I just,” you search for anything appropriate, any excuse for your apparent distress, “don’t like being in this forest.”
You both go quiet for a moment, listening to the snapping of thin branches in the fire.
Levi breaks the silence, “That’s actually what I was going to mention to you tomorrow. The MP’s need you for something. I was going to give you the choice to go back, or stay here.”
Going back. Maybe that was the right answer you’d tried so hard to find.
***
You shove all of your belongings into your suitcase early the next morning. It didn’t take you long to decide you needed to abandon this mission. Nothing between you and Zeke would ever work out, and your feelings for him were only a burden to everyone here, and yourself.
You lug your bags to a horse and cart that had been set up for you, tossing them over the cart’s walls and into the back.
Climbing up into the front seat, you notice a gift waiting for you - that overused book. Zeke must have finally figured out how to fake his way into heaven.
You decided to read some of it on the way back.
Zeke sure had written his own story inside of it. All of the notes he’d scribbled in the margins were in another language, presumably from Marley - a secret story you’d never get to understand. Only for him to know.
***
You heard news of what happened in the forest a few days after you arrived home. You couldn’t process it at first, instead you just sat in disbelief and denial. Then the ‘what ifs’ set in. What if you had stayed? Maybe you could have stopped Zeke from doing all the damage he decided to cause. The tear-filled anger set in after that.
There was only one chapter of his book left now. You felt disgusted looking at it, a reminder of everything you’d felt for him. You needed to sit yourself down and get through it so you could finally throw it away - and finally forget about him forever.
You come to the final page. It was intended to be blank, a sort of protectant between the ink on the last page and the back cover. But instead, there’s a penciled in note. From Zeke.
His writing in your language was messy and shaky. You assumed he could read in your language, but may not be practiced in writing in it. This was probably the first message he’d ever written in it. All for you.
—
Dear Captain Reader,
I tend to avoid feeling guilty for much. I probably won’t feel guilty for everything I’m about to do to your soldiers in this forest.
I did feel guilty, however, when I saw your beautiful face that night you found me alone in the forest. And then I realized you were caring, brilliant, and a strategist that was far smarter than I was.
Well, this was my attempt at strategizing.
Pulling you in and then pushing you away. I hoped the guilt and confusion would make you leave. Make you think you were unfit for the assignment, too distracted by me. Heartbroken, even. Anything to get you out of here.
Now, I’m not too sure there will be anyone to rescue you. I won’t be able to again. Take care of yourself. Stay sharp.
I hope you enjoyed the book. I was really never a fan of the ending.
Zeke
—
Author's Note:
Dear anon: You gave me a lottt of free rein with this one, so I hope it was ok ●﹏● (and not too angsty and complicated lol. You said they kinda hate each other but theres chemistry and I just ran with it. Oopsies.) This was one of my favorite fics to write, ever, I think! I had a lot of fun with the dialogue especially. Thanks so much for the request, and thanks to everyone else for reading! Lots of love - Shep :)
The shatters of the glass scattered all over the marble floor; they gleamed underneath the dim lights reflected by the fireplace. Soft and delicate but unforgiving as they pierce against your skin; you were staring at how they glimmered, as if they were the most interesting things in the world.
Maybe that was how you coped – by fabricating fascination towards the stupidest things around you – be it the puddles on the pavement, the crack on the walls, or whatever that could take your mind off of the consequences of altercation. Slowly, you could feel the overwhelming rage subsided, your breath came to heal from its previously erratic rhythm.
You fetched the broom and stood over the shatters. Looking at yet another token from yet another fight with Zeke. At times, it had gotten so common that you no longer flinched nor surprised whenever his big, strong hand strikes against his own belonging - just to make a point in every argument. As long as not my body he hurts, you thought. A pathetic justification that had gotten stale.
What was this all about, again? You wondered, could not even place the reason for such mess to begin with. Maybe it was the way Reiner talked to you at the party, too intent, too handsy to Zeke’s taste. Or maybe it was actually the endless congratulatory praises you received for your achievements tonight that had made Zeke felt overshadowed by his own lover. Ever so fragile, that ego.
You started to sweep the shatters, but each pull felt so heavy and you realized that the trembling in your hands remained. You closed your eyes, desperately seeking refuge from the abyss of fear and the feeling of helplessness that Zeke had caused. As nausea loomed inside your gut, you ran out to the apartment patio and you inhaled the fresh air as much as you could.
But when the tremble persisted, you couldn’t take it any longer. You scrambled back inside to ransack the credenza to find the old tin box you had kept hidden for so long. You immediately brought it back outside and took out the slender roll as you leaned your back to the wooden chair.
With your trembling hands you lit your cigarette and inhaled as deeply as you can. The fire burned the tobacco to ashes quickly. As the toxin invaded the airway, you let out a deep, troubled puff. In the hazy vicinity of the white smoke, you sobbed soundlessly letting the streaks of black mascara ran down your face, without realizing that the cause for your tears was now standing underneath the doorframe, staring at you.
Zeke looked awful. His trousers were stained with wine drops, he had discarded his shirt and was only wrapped by the black bathrobe untied, displaying his defined abs and bare chest. All the colors were rid from his face and his beard was damp. In desperate attempt to atone for his rage and come back to his sense, he had washed his face. It looked genuine at first but after years of doing the same thing, you had come to realize that the habit was not an honest attempt to straighten himself out, it was all performative.
“Is that your vice now?” his deep, raspy voice was no longer startling for you. You just dragged your gaze towards him, displaying to Zeke the mess that he had created on your face. Your eyes were swollen, your make-up was smudged all over your face. It was no longer your shame; you wore it with pride like a battle scar. And also, because you knew how much he hated to see what his rage had caused, you knew it pained him inside and it pleased you.
You nodded, puffing out another wisp of smoke, but this time, at his direction.
There was no longer trace of anger on the tall, muscular man. What remained was only the shell of the menace that he was some moments ago. Both of you were tired of fighting already.
He sat next to you and took the cigarette from your fingers for his own. His chest heaved as he inhaled the toxin deep, “Urgh,” he groaned condescendingly, “Menthol.”
Yet despite his pretentious disapproval he took another taste, “Starting again?” Like a payback, he blew the smoke at your face, compelling you to close your eyes and look away.
“Why? Feeling sad?” He asked again, this time the mocking jeer was too palpable. You rolled your eyes, and tried to grabbed your cigarette back from his finger, but he was quick to move his hand away, “You don’t smoke in my house.”
“You smoke yourself,” you said, with the following word muttered under your breath, “fucker.”
“I make the rules, baby,” he grinned, a very sickening one as he stroked another inhale until it burned the cigarette to the butt-end, “tastes like shit.” Then stubbing out the cigarette on the wooden chair.
“You’re too pretty for this darn thing, anyway,” Zeke said, as he carried on his theatrical assholery by grabbing the tin can, and made a disapproving gesture upon seeing the menthol rolls, before he threw the contents over to the patio railing and down to the public roads below.
“You’re littering. What an asshole.” There was a vivid look of disgust on your face. Maybe you hated Zeke with all of your heart, maybe you longed to the day where this man finally paid the price of being the biggest cunt you have ever met, but maybe the reason why you haven’t left all along was because being with Zeke was an intoxication you would always cave in for. He was the replacement to your cigarettes and you couldn’t quit him.
“Where’s your cigarette? I need them.” You got up from your seat and headed inside for his clove cigarettes, the ones he had bought at trade auction. Imported straight from Southeast Asia, he rolled them himself. Pretentious twat, you cursed him.
But Zeke was quick to dismiss your attitude, even before you passed the doorframe, he pulled your arms and cornered you against the glass railing, the only thing that separate you from the absolute death below. He pinned your body against his bare chest as he smiled, a repugnant one that you had grown to loathe and long for at the same time, “No smoking for you, okay?” He wiped the leftover tears and the streak of smudgy mascara on your face when the skin suddenly stung underneath his thumbs. You whimpered.
Like an animal, he licked his thumb and wiped clean the black goo on the spot where it hurt on your face. He finally saw a cut wound. Not too deep to leave a scar, but visible enough to remind him of his own rage. The glass that Zeke broken had pierced through your cheek, “Does it hurt?” There was a genuine worry in his question.
You nodded, and Zeke sighed. He caressed your messy cheek with the knuckles of his finger, soft and delicate, a stark contrast to what he was just moments ago. “Don’t smoke, okay?” He kissed the wound he caused. It stung with the warmth of his lips but it did not hurt, “Anyway, the plan was for you to watch me die, not the opposite. So, don’t start again, alright? They’re bad.”
You hummed. The insanity of being with Zeke finally caught up with you.
“As bad as being with you,” you said, softened underneath his touch, “two things I wish I could quit.
A/N: Dear anon, I have a feeling that this was not what you had in mind when requesting, but I couldn’t help it~ This is the gist that I got from listening to Cigarette Duet hahaha 😭 I hope you’ll enjoy it nonetheless!
𝘞𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴: Major Character Death, Manga Spoilers, Graphic Depictions of Violence, starts off with fluff, angst ending, Marlyean!Reader
𝘞𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘊𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵: 3.1k
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This for the Reiner and Zeke birthday collab with @saccharine-darling
So this is my first collab!!! Very exciting! It is for my lovely husband's birthday so of course I am going to be dishing out the feels!
I thought it would be interesting to explore a Marlyean!Reader. I see a lot of Paradis focused content and I thought it would be cool to see it from the other side.
This does contain Season 4 spoilers! Manga Spoilers at the end that will be tagged so if you aren't caught up you can read until that part
---
You woke up in the War Chief's bed like usual. The soft covers shielding your naked body from the cold air in the room. Zeke however was missing. You figured he had gotten up early to work on the plans for the next advancement for Marley.
You were crawling out of bed gripping the covers to your body when you heard a knock at the door. You didn’t say anything hoping the person would just leave. However, Porco opened the door.
“Oh, y/n.” He said unfazed. Your half lidded eyes met his; thankfully the covers were shielding your tired body from Porco’s harsh gaze. The two of you didn’t move a muscle, both filled with an awkwardness neither of you knew how to handle
“What do you need?” You asked quietly, the embarrassment starting to catch up to you.
“Well just tell Zeke I need to talk to him.” Porco replied; with that he left, closing the door behind him. You let out a sigh as you dropped the sheets from your body allowing yourself to get dressed in last night’s clothing.
The walk home from Zeke’s room in the command building was familiar. You have known him practically your whole life, and it was pretty much fate that you ended up together. You have come to know all of the Warriors in the time you have known Zeke. They spend most days together, and when they are not doing great things for Marley you get to spend time with the great heroes as well.
You were grateful to be able to be an Honorary Marlyean due to your relationship with Zeke. He had proposed last year, but with the war going on up until recently there was no time to get married.
Tonight was going to be the Festival! You had been looking forward to this for weeks. You hoped that there would be time other than nights for you and Zeke to be together. You had gotten to your own small apartment that you shared with Zeke, or well when he is not at the command building.
In reality it was just your apartment, nothing fancy. You walked over to your small table, by the window. There was a wilting flower that Zeke had brought to you when he got back from the War effort. You smiled, not only was he a great Warrior, he thought about you while he was gone.
You tidied up the stack of letters, and took the flower from the vase. You took a book from the shelf and placed the flower inside. The book was practically overflowing with press flowers. You were unable to let yourself throw them away. Anything that Zeke sent you was precious.
You got dressed for the day, you fixed your red armband to your left arm and brushed your clothing down. You adorned some of your finer clothing for the festival. You looked at yourself in the mirror as you fixed your hair.
You heard the lock on the front door turnover as you walked out of the room. Your heart swelled as you saw Zeke come inside, he walked over to you enveloping you in a strong hug. He was wearing his normal military uniform, which you expected; he looked great. You smiled up at him, breaking away from the hug. He held out his arm for you to grab.
“Well let’s get going, y/n.” He walked with you, leading you down towards the street. “We have lots to do before tonight.”
Zeke brought you to the festival. The streets are packed with Marleyans and Eldians alike. There were different stalls sporting trinkets and food. It looked magical. You have never seen anything like this before. The excitement bubbled over in you like a little kid. You saw the Warrior candidates run past you, Reiner trailing behind them.
“On babysitting duty, Reiner?” You asked playfully. He gave you a weak smile, his eyes looked tired.
“You could say that.” He mumbled. You could hear the kids calling his name in the distance. “I think I’m needed up there.” He walked away, the candidates flocking around him like little birds.
“That could be you one day.” Zeke whispered into your ear. You chuckled, blushing slightly.
“Let’s worry about getting married first, huh?” You retorted. Zeke gave your hand a squeeze; he led you to a stall selling small glass animals. You were quick to pick up one that looked like a monkey to show your fiance.
“Is that all you think of me, y/n?” Zeke asked dramatically. You chuckled.
“Well you are the greatest beast titan in our history, so… yes!” Zeke sighed, shaking his head. He too looked over the little figurines.
“And you, my dear y/n” He picked up a small figure of a cat. “Are a scared little kitten.”
“Hey I’m not scared!” You interjected. “I have you to protect me.” You looked up at Zeke, he was right. You were a scared kitten, but you had Zeke and that was enough to make you feel better in any situation.
“You know I’ll always be on your side.” Zeke said lovingly pushing a stray hair behind your ear.
“Of course, Zeke. I love you.” You looked up at him. He gave you a gentle kiss, his warm lips on yours. He held you gently as if you were one of the glass figurines, and even the slightest touch could shatter you.
“You know, y/n.” Zeke looked at you, squeezing your hand. “Since the war is over, we can actually get married.” Your heart swelled, he was right. The two of you had practically planned the whole thing in the letters you two sent to each other. Zeke pulled you into a hug, his strong arms enveloping you in his warmth. He smelled slightly of cigarettes and coffee, something you have come to love.
“There are just a few more things I need to attend to. Then I am all yours for the rest of my time.” Zeke said, faltering a bit on his last words. Zeke didn’t have much time left, but that didn’t matter to you. You were always Zeke’s from the beginning. You knew that there was a time limit between you and him, but no matter what you love for him would not expire.
“I’ll always be here. I can wait a little longer.” You laugh looking up into his eyes. He smiles down at you, his hand brushing your cheek.
“You know, I wish I could ask you to marry me all over again.” He placed his forehead on yours. “Your reaction will be burned into my memory forever.
He was right, it was quite the reaction. You couldn’t stop sobbing and Zeke thought he had upset you. When all you could do was nod your head yes and run into his arms, he knew that he made the right decision.
You looked down at your matching rings, very simple silver bands. You could see the tan line on Zeke’s finger from where his ring normally sat. You don’t believe that he has taken it off since he had put it on, same with you. There was always a piece of one with the other.
Zeke walked off from this booth and went on to the second, and the third and the fourth. The two of you walked through the whole festival eating snacks along the way. You were stuffed by the time the sun was setting.
“Today was amazing!” You exclaimed. “I wish we could do this everyday.” You let out a deep sigh.
“Maybe we can.” Zeke said quietly, now in thought. You looked up at him in wonder.
“You really think they would let us?” You asked excitedly. Zeke smiled down at you.
“I think so.” He whispered into your ear, giving you a gentle kiss on your temple. “Come now, let's go get good seats.
The sun was set by the time you walked over towards the stage. There were so many chairs layed out for the show, and you were becoming more and more excited.
“Oh I see the other warriors, let's go sit with them!” You said, starting to walk over.
“No.” Zeke interjected, grabbing your hand. “Let’s sit near the back, just the two of us.” He smiled at you, and that you did. You found two open seats near the back of the section. Zeke placing his hand in your lap.
You both waited patiently for the show to start. You saw Willy Tyber take his place up on the stage. You also saw Reiner and Falco leave.
“I wonder, where are they going?” You whispered to Zeke.
“Hmm, I don’t know.” He replied. “I have to go to the bathroom, wait here.” Zeke said. Before you could stop him, Zeke had gotten up and left. You watched the show happening in front of you hearing about the “true history” of Eldia.
You thought it was just a bunch of hogwash, that was until you were knocked from your seat, large pieces of the adjacent building narrowly missing you. All you could do was run for your life. You had no idea what was happening, or what had happened. Your legs carried you without thinking into an ally.
You could hear a titan’s ear piercing roar; it felt as if your eardrums had burst. You covered your ears and peaked around the corner to see who you assumed was Eren Jaeger.
This was all his fault.
All you could hope for was that the Warriors would take care of him. You wondered where they were; you wonder where Reiner and Falco went off too.
You continued up the ally, hoping to get further away from the destruction behind you. You heard an unfamiliar whirring above you. You looked up to see people flying above the buildings. Ropes attaching them and pulling them through the air. You had heard stories from Reiner about this gear, it was from the island of devils.
You could see someone land on the roof above you, a tall man with a goatee and medium length hair. You looked up at him, fear apparent on your face. You figured he would kill you, but instead he did a “shooing” motion urging you to continue running in the direction you were heading. Which you did, your legs working on their own dragging you to somewhere hopefully safe.
Your heart pounded, you heard screams and crashing behind you. Your ears still ringing from the screeching of the titan battle. All you could think of was, Zeke. How you hoped that he was okay, he would save you. Zeke was the strongest man you knew, you held out hope that he would find you.
You rounded a corner, there you saw Zeke’s crumpled titan form. You ran towards it, calling out for him desperately. You could see a man with short black hair, and that fancy gear the other enemies were wearing. The man cut Zeke out of his titan.
“Wake up, Zeke.” You screamed, stumbling as you tried to rush to his aide. The loud clashing of the titans behind you made it impossible for them to hear you. It looked as if they were talking, the man was giving a disapproving glare at Zeke. If you didn’t know any better you would even think that they knew each other.
You finally made it to where you could hear their conversation. The raven haired man hadn’t noticed you, nor had Zeke.
“I hope you like what your plan caused.” The man said to Zeke.
Your plan?
“Well I didn’t account for everything of course.” Zeke replied, the steam of his healing obscuring his face.
“Zeke?” You whimpered out. Both Zeke and the raven haired man whipped their heads around to you. You were standing there gripping at your jacket, which was covered in dirt and blood. You were barely able to stand, your injuries as well as the exhaustion was catching up to you.
“What did he mean by your plan?” You questioned, stumbling in his direction. “He’s lying right? Just like a devil would.”
You stifle a laugh. This had to be a joke; this man, whoever he was, must have manipulated Zeke.
“See, I didn’t account for everything.” Zeke said to the man.
“Who is that?” The man asked disinterestedly. He looked at you like you were a speck of dirt.
“That, Levi, was my fiance.” Zeke sneered, looking at you down his nose.
“Was?” You looked up with pleading eyes. “No matter what, Zeke. I’m on your side.” You tried to climb up to where they were standing. “Please, he’s lying to you.” You slipped, falling back onto the rubble below you.
“Y/n.” Zeke cooed. “It’s alright, everything will be alright.” He came down to meet you, taking your face in his hands. Levi came down with him and let out a ‘tch’ sound.
“Let’s go Furrball.” He commanded. Zeke helped you up, and practically dragged you inside the building.
“Where are you taking me?” You questioned, you were practically shaking in your boots. Everything was happening so fast and there was so much you didn’t understand.
“Hush, y/n.” Zeke whispered, squeezing your shoulder to calm you. “I’ll explain on the airship.” Air ship? Were you being kidnapped?
“No!” You shouted, wiggling out of Zeke’s grasp. If looks could kill, Levi’s death glare would have been the end of you. “What is happening? What about Marley and the other Warriors? They need you Zeke, you need to defeat Eren Jaeger.”
“Move.” Levi commended, Zeke hoisted you up, not acknowledging your questions. He carried you to the roof of the building, you were too exhausted to fight back.
“Please, Zeke.” You whined. “What is happening?”
Zeke placed you down, you could see an airship in the distance following lights placed on the buildings. There were fires everywhere, buildings were destroyed.
“I can’t say everything right here, but if you just come with us I can explain the whole thing.” Zeke said, rubbing your shoulders.
“I can’t!” You scream. “I’ve been a good Marleyan, I can’t just go with them.”
“Y/n, it’s not what you think.” Zeke said lightly, trying to get you to calm down.
“Whatever you are doing, I bet it’s him controlling you.” You pointed at Levi, he looked unamused with your accusation.
“We can’t take her with us.” Levi said sternly. Zeke sighed.
“No, y/n. It’s not like that.” Zeke shook his head. You wiggled out of his grasp, he frowned. You could see the cogs turning in his head, trying to find the right words. “You just don’t know the whole truth. I know you don’t want to hear it, but please know that I love you, y/n”
Zeke pulled you in for a kiss, you could feel all of his emotions through it. His love, his sadness, his anger. He held you, as if he never wanted to let you go. Zeke broke away, leaving you breathless.
“Wait for me, y/n.” He whispered. “I know you’re a good Honorary Marlyean, but you mustn't tell anyone what happened here or about me.” He had crouched down slightly to look into his eyes, you could see he was very serious.
“I won’t, Zeke.” You muttered, it was the only thing you really could say. In reality you have no idea what is going on, but it may be worse if you did. “I’ll wait.” You looked into his eyes, determination shining in yours.
“Good.” Zeke smiled standing up. You could feel Levi’s eyes burning a hole in the back of your head. “I love you.” Zeke said, a small smile tugging at his lips.
“I love you, too.”
Zeke grabbed your hand and kissed the ring on your finger.
“Don’t you dare forget me.” Zeke chuckled.
“Never.” You replied. “You’ll be back, I know it.” With that Levi started to drag Zeke away, the large airship closer now, almost to the building. You saw Levi latch onto the railing with his special gear, and dragged Zeke with him.
You ran back down to the street. Everything seemed to have died down. You looked for anyone you may know to get you out of here.
“Y/n!” You heard behind you. Reiner came up to you, he looked awful. “Come on. Let’s get you out of here.”
He took you, his arm around your shoulders gently coaxing you to walk with him. You looked up, seeing the airship fly away. All you could do was watch as yet again Zeke left once more.
---
You had waited for a month now. You were starting to think that Zeke was never coming back. The warriors had left for the Island a bit ago, and you hoped that they would send word about him.
You sat in your normal spot by the window, placing your coffee down on the table. You were often here, hoping to see Zeke come home. It was really all you could do.
You were about to take another sip as ripples formed in the smooth dark liquid. You could see dust flying through the air, and there was a slight shake to the ground. You looked around wildly, the only thing that you knew could do this would be a Titan.
You dropped your coffee, the mug shattering on the ground as you ran down to the street. There you could see it, tons of 50 meter titans walking steadily in your direction. You were frozen with fear, there was nothing you could do.
You just hoped that Zeke would be here soon, but he wasn’t. You knew that running away would be fruitless. You were not able to move from the spot on the street out of fear. Others scrambled to get away, pushing you around.
Something inside of you told you to stay, that this was how you would see Zeke again. You couldn’t help but stare up at the titans coming your way. This was the first time you were truly able to see them. The titan shifters looked nothing like these terrifying beasts.
You almost felt bad for the Devils that had been tortured by these monsters for all these years. The stories of them from Reiner fill your mind.
Reiner, I wonder if he’s okay
You closed your eyes, accepting your fate. The ground shaking beneath you. You weren’t scared anymore, you could barely feel your own body. You felt weightless. The last thing you remembered was Zeke, kissing you goodbye for the last time. All you hoped for was to see him, just one more time.
