#snk angst

[a-motherfcking-fish]

He couldn't afford to lose another kid knowing he's going to lose one just for the battle to end.

[the-traveling-poet]

𝓓𝓮𝓮𝓹 𝓦𝓲𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓷 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓕𝓸𝓻𝓮𝓼𝓽

𝓟𝓪𝓲𝓻𝓲𝓷𝓰: Levi Ackerman x Lieutenant!Reader (GN)

𝓢𝓾𝓶𝓶𝓪𝓻𝔂: As Captain Levi's trusted Lieutenant, you'd done your best to assist in keeping his new squad's morale up during your stay deep within the forest. Guarding the Beast Titan's user, Zeke Jeager, for a month's time had taken its toll on you all—you didn't see the attack coming until it was too late. The squad's death, Zeke's escape and recapture, the explosion...everything happened too fast for you to react beyond shielding your beloved Captain. The next thing you knew, you'd taken the blow, leaving Levi to come to your rescue.

𝓒𝓸𝓷𝓽𝓮𝓷𝓽: Themes of grief/loss, descriptions of injury/injury to reader, angst-to-fluff, language

𝓐/𝓝: I'm so sorry this request took so long to publish! I was really off my game for most of 2025 lol. But now that I'm in a better headspace (at the moment), I'm wanting to get back to pushing out requests! I'm pretty self-conscious of this one-

Once again, the writing got away from me; enjoy a 2.8k word count :/ Hope it ended up okay for you lovely!

~𝒯𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝑅𝑒𝓆𝓊𝑒𝓈𝓉~

Just as quickly as it had begun, the chaos came to an end.

Steam from decomposing titans rose up through the trees like tendrils of smoke, enough to nearly obscure your vision entirely—it dissipated all too soon, leaving you with a grim sight just a pace or two away from where you stood on tired legs.

Hadn't you, just a moment before, cautioned your Captain against this? It seemed your concern had gone unnoted, for there Levi was; kneeling onto the forest floor, inches away from the mangled and crumpling corpse of the Beast Titan, reduced to unconsciousness. In one hand he held aloof a thunder spear, curling with steam and dissipating blood—though, the majority of sticky crimson remained, and you had to glance away.

Zeke had fallen captive once more. What remained of him, at least. 

Levi had wasted no time in dismembering the blond’s legs and tying back his wrists, but a cruel gleam remained in the Captain’s eyes—malice, rage, bloodlust…you knew he likely wouldn't listen to you now. 

Not after what Zeke had done.

And in all honesty, you couldn't blame him.

It had been so quiet just this morning, another day of guard duty in the forest—where had the time gone? One moment, you'd been laying back in your hammock high above the campsite, on break from your “shift” of sorts. Down below you paced your comrades, speaking low or joking quietly. Others read or wrote, some slept or trained.

It had been almost peaceful, if one could call this duty such. 

Captain Levi and his squad, yourself included, had been assigned to keep watch over the Beast Titan’s user, Zeke, for a month's time: a long, boring month of detaining a grown ass man within the forest far from the walls. While necessary, many complaints had arisen.

Boredom, homesickness, distrust…a whole plethora of reasons kept Levi’s new squad on edge. 

As the Captain’s Lieutenant, you'd done your best to smooth over what you could. If not for them, then perhaps you’d subtract one more stressor from Levi’s long list. 

So you’d hoped, anyways. 

Even when your companions, and admittedly yourself, had grown restless after the second week, you’d all held out this long. The end had been near, with hopes to return to the walls. The whole ordeal had been stressful, but worth it in the end to see your squadmates lighten up.

Yet now…now, they were gone. 

All of them, not a single soldier had been left alive.

They didn't get the chance to return home. To celebrate, to bond outside of duty.

Another squad, gone. Their bodies mutilated in titan form burned into your mind evermore. 

All dead.

All but you and your Captain.

So many had been tricked by the enemy with tainted wine and restlessness—the thought made you ill.

You’d been offered a glass, and had declined. Had you accepted…

Levi’s frustrated grunt brought you back to the present and out of your thoughts. Turning to see what it was he was even doing, you froze.

“Captain, I’m serious; this might be too much…” You murmured, quick steps leading you forward to reach for the spear he aimed down at Zeke. But he was quicker, snatching it away from your outstretched hand. He’d had the end of the explosive pressed against the shifter’s abdomen, despite your earlier protests.

“It’ll keep him deterred from disobeying again, once the fur ball wakes up,” Levi scoffed, leveling you with the glare that hadn't left his face since the moment the battle started. You let your hand fall away from the thunder spear he gripped, and sighed.

This was reckless…

"And if he jolts anyways, pulling the wire…?” 

“...He won't make it that far. I’ll be watching for the moment he wakes; he owes me a little chat.”

A sickening wet thud followed the moment he lunged forward, and once again you had to look away.

Tying the wire around Zeke’s neck, Levi continued to speak over his shoulder.

“Bet he wasn't counting on both our sobriety’s, the bastard. I…”

He paused, seeming to mull over his thoughts before continuing again, softer this time.

“I’m…glad you didn’t drink, brat.”

“So am I…”  you replied meekly, keeping your gaze averted.

“We shouldn't have allowed–”

“Stop that.” Levi cut you off, tying the wire taught before coming to a stand.

“There was no ‘we’, it was me. I gave the okay, I cut them some slack—this is on me.”

He avoided your gaze as he looked around the disarrayed forest, scoffing under his breath. His expression slowly changed from anger to vulnerability, as if the guilt he felt was physically painful and heavy. You knew it was…

“...See if the carts are still intact, and if the horses back at camp are still tethered,’ Levi continued.

“We're taking Zeke to the interior.”

Hours passed by with nothing of interest to note as the horse trotted along the old dirt road.

The forest blurred by as you lost yourself to thought again, watching the horizon color vividly with the dipping sun.

Miraculously, you’d managed to locate a cart still intact, and a horse healthy enough to pull the weight. Levi had taken to placing Zeke upon the floor of the craft and carefully arranging his limp body while you kept a lookout, and then off you'd been. 

Your Captain had been more quiet than usual, his gaze never wavering from the blond man at his feet. You hadn't pushed for conversation while you guided the horse’s direction from the front seat: there was nothing to say that hadn't already been felt.

Even as evening turned to night, and night into morning, the pace at which you traveled never slowed. Despite the rain soaking you to the bone, despite thirst and hunger, you carried on.

Chancing a glance back, you were surprised to catch Levi’s eye; the first he’d taken it off of Zeke in hours. He looked about to say something, but hesitated as a quiet murmur above the crash of rain caught both your attentions, and he held up a hand.

Then, and only then, did Levi signal you to pull the reins.

Slowing the horse’s gait, you swept your gaze to the floor of the cart, and cursed under your breath; he’d woken up.

Already Levi had tortured the man, taking out his frustrations after explaining his situation to him—you hadn't expected Zeke to gain consciousness so soon after having his regenerating legs so crudely amputated.

This time, Levi seemed more content to listen to Zeke’s inane rambling before physically lashing out. Even still, you chose this moment to quietly remind him of the time before he could.

“We’re nearly an hour out; it’s best we just keep moving.”

Levi cast you a look over his shoulder, but didn't comment. So, begrudgingly, you turned your attention back ahead and just listened to Zeke’s speech. In the midst of it, you heard Levi scoff.

“Look at that, your legs are growing back already…”

You turned just as he’d unsheathed his blade, but before he could raise it much higher, Zeke began to scream and thrash.

In the moment, you hardly registered what he was saying; because the instant Zeke jerked his head, you were on your feet.

“Cap-!” You started to scream, but already it was too late.

One moment, you felt the slick of rain water slowing your steps inside the cart, and the next you felt nothing at all. Nothing but a vague awareness to the sensation of weightlessness. 

The grey skies overhead vanished from sight, the cool chill brought by the downpour warmed, and screams seem to just fade away in your ears. Even the explosion had seemed silent, despite seeing it happen for yourself.

You never registered hitting the ground, nor the sharp sting of injury–everything was blank.

Empty.

Quiet…then still.

The moment you regained consciousness, panic overtook your mind. 

Up above you saw a canopy of leaves, swaying in the breeze and bouncing under pelting rain–when had the sky darkened? How long had your eyes been closed?

Where were you? Where was the field, and the burning cart?

Levi…

You hastily swiveled your gaze this way and that, but only saw half of what you expected to; in the way that only one of your eyes seemed to obey your will to open.

A scratchy material itched your face in many places, leaving you feeling a sense of dread. 

Who had bandaged your face? What was your condition?

Though, when you attempted to raise a hand up to your face to inspect the covering, you found your arm felt heavy like lead.

Everything felt like lead.

Heavy, bruised, achy, sharp and painful…The explosion, you recalled.

Had you shielded Levi enough? 

What became of Zeke?

Where had you ended up?

Why was it so…cold?

All these silent questions swirling around your head only worsened the ache behind your eyes. This wouldn't do…

Sheer determination helped you sit up, despite your brain screaming at you to stay laid down. 

The second you did, a firm hand gripped your shoulder, making you gasp.

Levi sat at your side, eyes wide like he hadn't expected you to be awake yet. But upon giving you a once over, he visibly relaxed, though his scowl returned.

“...We never left the forest,” he mumbled, as if he’d heard your silent question. His voice was rough, like he hadn't used it in a while.

Reaching up to adjust the cloak haphazardly thrown over your abdomen, he scoffed.

“...How are you feeling?”

Despite the myriad of thoughts swimming around your head, you finally found your voice–scratchy, quiet, hoarse. Your words came out in a hazy ramble.

“Shitty. Cold, sore, weird–but Zeke, he-”

Levi raised a hand, cutting you off.

“Got away. I got distracted, and…dammit, you paid the price for that.”

His look concerned you enough to sit up a bit straighter, and immediately he tensed like he might reach out to grip your shoulder again.

“Dont,” he warned, short and simple.

With a huff you leaned back a little.

“Captain…what exactly happened?” you pressed.

For a moment, you weren't sure he’d respond. But eventually he let out a weary sigh of resignation.

“...Let my anger overrule my judgment. Shouldn't have put us in that kind of situation—put you in that kind of situation. It cost you a damn eye and some fingers. Shit, Y/N, I–This is my fault.”

Anything you'd wanted to retort back with died on your tongue in an instant as you absorbed his words.

An eye? Some fingers?

You had to look down–with partial vision–to confirm, but looked away from your wrapped hand only after a brief glance as your stomach dropped.

If you'd had the strength to, you might have vomited. Or cried. Or both.

But you had to stay in control over what little you could.

“...How bad…?” You hesitantly asked, shifting on the makeshift cot he had apparently supplied.

You must have been out a long while…

“All of it–me.”

“Not great, not the worst,” Levi supplied lamely, his eyes transfixed on your hand before they swiveled up to your face–what of it was visible. A frown tugged at his lips, and his expression softened–like guilt, or pity.

You didn't like that look so much. Not aimed down at you.

“Captain…” you murmured, fixing him with a stern gaze. He met it with one of his own, then scoffed.

“Do I look like a damn field medic? I don't know; but you're alive, and that's what matters. We’ll figure out the rest.”

“What is the rest, Captain?” You again pressed, sitting up straighter and moving aside the cape covering half your body despite his glare demanding you didn't.

You ignored it in favor of getting adjusted through the discomfort.

This time, he didn't try to stop you.

“...Concussion, bruising, blinded eye, missing fingers, you feel feverish, bruising–that’s all I can determine for now. You’re lucky camp still had some supplies I was able to scavenge.”

You already regretted moving so soon, but refused to show it as you ground out through grit teeth.

“You went all the way back there?”

“Made sure your body was covered first.” He reassured, taking his eyes off you briefly to look around the clearing you both inhabited.

“But yes.”

“Covered? What–”

“...We're being hunted, Y/N.”

The statement froze the blood in your veins and made your stomach queasy. 

Hunted?

Your mind spun with many possibilities before you even asked; by Zeke? By someone else? More Titans? Marlians?

“‘Jeagerists’ turns out,” he continued, seeing your confusion. Your raised brow made him shake his head, and start to backtrack.

“That was his plan all along; taint the wine, turn the soldiers, reunite with Eren, escape and rally with Eren’s ‘followers’. A few showed up with Hange in tow, after the explosion. I'd just gotten to my feet and grabbed you when their guns went off.”

“Hange-” you gasped. They weren't anywhere within sight, and naturally you assumed the worst.

 “They’re fine. We got you out of sight and picked off the strangler as best we could with limited ammo. They’re keeping watch while I watch over you–we’re taking shifts.”

You both fell into silence for a long moment, in which time you took to look around and gather your wits about yourself as relief filled your mind.

They were safe…for now.

Everything still ached, still felt like lead; but you were safe. All three of you.

“...They scolded me, you know. For not thinking to look for your fingers after the explosion while getting shot at. They would have had a field day trying to reattach them to your hand, I imagine.”

His sudden comment made you huff with amusement; leave it to him to comment something so dryly and so unprompted.

“I can imagine,” you mumbled, looking around the clearing as if expecting to suddenly spot the Commander somewhere amidst the underbrush. You didn't, of course, and leaned back a little further. Exhaustion felt like a plague…

“Tired?” Levi murmured, glancing back your way again with a raised brow. When you merely nodded, he sighed and leaned his weight forward, resting his forearms onto his knees.

“Rest then, damned stubborn brat. Only thing you're missing right now is watching the shitty grass grow. We’re gonna need you healed up before winter sets in, you know.”

He paused when you actually attempted to lay back, and immediately shifted to sit on his knees and help lower you down. Much to your muted surprise, he even fixed the way his cape rested over your abdomen and shifted the roll under your head once you were settled.

More silence followed as you attempted to relax, yet never took your half-lidded eye off his.

That damned expression of his was back on his face–guilt.

“...I’m sorry,” he whispered, catching you off guard.

“I’d rather it be me than you.”

“I wouldn't, Cap’n” came your muffled reply. Damn the thick bandaging covering the majority of your face, and damn the way the sutures pulled at the skin of your cheek and mouth for every word you spoke. He frowned at that, and turned his gaze away.

“...Levi.”

You perked up a little, forcing your heavy eyelid to open and concentrate on his face–inches from yours.

“...Huh?”

“Just Levi; enough with this ‘formality’ bullshit. Haven't we known each other long enough? You're not just a damned Lieutenant.”

His words caught you off guard for the nth time, and if you could muster up a visible smile in the moment you would have. For now, you settled for a quiet grunt and reached for his hand.

Warm, calloused, steady and grounding. He didn't hold on, but didn't pull away either; it was enough for now. 

"I suppose so…Levi…”

Maybe it was the concussion you no doubt suffered from, but you could have sworn you caught the faintest shade of pink spread across his cheeks to his ears the moment you addressed him by name. But the sight vanished just as quickly as it had appeared. He turned his gaze away and sat back onto his heels, leaving you to wonder what you'd really seen.

“...Get some rest; no tossing or turning, you’ll just pull sutures. I didn't save you to watch you aggravate the wounds I stitched.”

Even as you let your good eye close and you relaxed your posture, you noted his loyal presence still right at your side.

And maybe, just maybe, you caught the faint sound of his voice as you drifted off into unconsciousness once more: peacefully, this time.

“I'm not going anywhere, so relax. We’ll figure it out in the morning. You're safe…I’ve got you, Y/N. Always…”

~More Levi Ackerman Content Here~

~Feel free to join the taglist for more Lieutenant!Reader content here!~

[slutsenpai]

hai <3 for the event - maybe 39 and reiner? also just wanted to say I love your work, your fics always make my day ^^

✦ ライナー ブラウン ／ mdni reiner braun ; “I can’t lose you”

you met reiner as a warrior candidate trainee, falling in love with him too fast and much too young, before you even knew what it meant. you were excited when both of you were selected to inherit your respective titans, but it only filled reiner with dread. he knew that not only would his own life be cut short, but so would yours. your beautiful, precious life. as if he weren’t stressed enough already.

now you’re in your twenties, both with bloodstained legacies and only each other to rely on, and reiner will do anything and everything that he can to get you to stay out of the final conflict. he wants you to live out your final years safely and comfortably, hopefully at his side, but he knows that’s unlikely. he doesn’t bring it up often because he doesn’t want to upset you, but it’s been making him feel panicked as of late.

“I can’t lose you. we have to find a way to get you out.”

“what?”

“I understand that our titans are military property, but there is absolutely no fucking chance that I’m letting you get involved in this. you’ve been through enough.”

“we don’t have a say, reiner. we signed up for this.”

“I-I know. and I fucking hate myself for ever letting you do this.”

you just look at him, because there isn’t much to say about the matter. you’re not even sure what he would suggest to “get you out.”

“it was my decision, rei. I appreciate it, and I feel the same way, about wanting to protect you. we just didn’t have much of a choice, love.”

he’s already tearing up, his gorgeous golden irises glittering in the low light. he is just so pretty when he gets like this, even if you hate yourself for thinking that.

“what if I get you pregnant?”

“reiner, listen to yourself.”

“what? then they can’t make you—”

“are you kidding? that would fucking kill me ; they’d immediately give my titan to the next candidate.”

“no. the others and I wouldn’t let that—”

“it’s the marleyan military, reiner. it’s not happening.”

and he whimpers, sitting back in his chair before leaning forward to take your hands in his. you’re so much smaller than him, and it breaks his heart to think of everything that you’ve been forced to do, when you should be safe and sound with a good man, and maybe you wouldn’t have had a perfect life, but it would have been a better one. you would be such a phenomenal mother. not that he’s without fault.

reiner is silent for a moment. he has fucked up so many times in his life. he’s an adult now, and he doesn’t want to run from his responsibilities. he owes that much to his mother, to bertholdt, to gabi. to marcel. marco. but for you, he would do anything.

“we could leave, you know.”

you had definitely considered that yourself many, many times. fantasized about it, even.

“I would love to .. but can we risk that?”

“I-I don’t know. we’ll have to think about it some more.”

“and just so you know, reiner, I would absolutely love to have children with you.”

he looks at you and the tears fall, but he’s smiling now, and he’s so unbelievably handsome. he kisses you — and unlike with other men, it’s not empty. it’s soft and you feel loved, like touching him actually has meaning.

he pulls away just enough to meet your eyes before saying, “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

and he can’t keep his mouth or his hands off of you. you kiss the tears from his face and he picks you up with ease, just like you’re his pretty, perfect little bride, and carries you to the bed. sex with reiner has always been a good distraction, especially because he fucks you so, so good.

you both would make it through this.

[ @slutsenpai × @sidesenpai × my masterlist × event masterlist ]

prompt 07 / 15 for my 2k follower event !! ଘ(੭ˊᵕˋ)੭

notes. I’m sorry that this was so sad omg (◞‸◟,) also idk really when this takes place in the timeline, oops. hopefully u still liked it and tysm for the request !! if you want to feel better, my other reiner fics are still angsty, but they also have a lot of comfort 🫶🏻

[sugar-petals]

{ “ACTS of SERVICE”: Levi fic}

PLOT // you’ve tailored his commissioned clothing to perfection: that’s how you turned his head. eventually, levi shows up at your shop to say thank you.

| 💋 READ IT ON AO3 |

[ # ⚠️ 𝚝𝚊𝚐𝚜. ] 18+, smut and plot, levi x you, seamstress!reader, angst, zero slow burn, edging, oral (both ways), doggy, dumbification (levi receiving), non-canon season 3 to 4 au 

🍜 wc. 50k (i lost track how many sex scenes there are 🥵) 

⟨  🌹 AUTHOR’S NOTE. ❌ full body oil massage? steamy bath tub action? levi serving meals + body tea? erwin giving love advice? lean back, this one has it all 🔥 i get carried away writing about levi every time ☕ 

💘 related writings: sub!levi hc / life after war au / physical affection hc

 NO AI USED ❌

gen ai is like the beast titan to me. it takes & throws stuff around to leave it all destroyed, so. we don’t do that here!! if you think about it. since ai pollutes everything it is 0% levi-friendly

„I guess this is going to sound like a damn dog salivating,“ he’d entered the scene with a pristine broom and perfectly combed hair that day, satin grey cravat in place, outfit all black: And very tight.

Of course you recognized him.

No one could miss that kind of silhouette.

Sleekly toned and slender, fortified by an impeccable petite posture and the closest shave ever known to man. On a scarce island like this, anyway.

Whatever the streets were saying, Levi was a hundred times the ardent catch they or even he thought he was (which was nothing, the image in today’s well-scrubbed mirror was still terribly insecure: But that didn’t stop the Captain from showing up).

Everything neat, combed, and basically lint-rolled twice.

No weapons, though.

And Levi never went without a knife. So that was the first unusual thing.

 „Hello, Sir?“

 „—and I mean it.“

Instead, the apron-clad figure standing firmly in front of your shop and house carried wipes and cleaning gloves. And a trash bag. And sanitizer. No sharpened blades.

Everything was truly curated. The whole getup simply left you stuttering. You didn’t even make it past the doorstep.

„G-Good evening, then?“

„Indeed one. This street isn’t as dirty as the rest of the town, I see.“

You’d barely gotten dressed after a long crafty binge of making an overcoat. Again, labeled as ‚an anonymous request from the Survey Corps‘.

Its dark fabric was hard as hell work. Your eyes did actually still burn from the all-nighter. The thread had been stubborn, edges had to be clean, and the entire thing wasn’t allowed to rip at the slightest tension, let’s put it like that. The lighting was still insufficient in your tailoring room, so, your shop was not exactly fit to make a black coat by night. You still went ahead, since there was Titan alert during the day, and you hid inside your basement cowering with a small portion of food.

So, after much toil and labors, you just took in some grisly coal for your oven that the kind old neighboring widow had shared with you, and had stepped outside the little house to harvest herbs:

And straight up ran into this fully equipped guy.

„Captain Levi? Right…?“

„Yes, but you can call me moron.“

 Silence.

 „I beg your pardon?“

At that point, your jaw had already hit the floor. What was a guy like that doing here, in the shabby artisan district where the austere taverns outnumbered the populace itself?

Precisely this was the man protecting you and countless others every day, every damn year, ever since the Titans came. If he’d shown up on his mighty horse, you might as well would’ve fainted on the spot.

Everybody recognizes this guy.

Levi was considered a deity in this part of the town after he prevented a heavy Titan foot from stomping it to dust last year. And fast. You’d seen it. He sliced it in half.

You were just a lowly seamstress. Headed for the miller shop to get some flour. And this guy shows up at your house to what… start raking trash? Because that’s what he proceeded to do.

Granted, his pitch black vestments were as impeccably fitted as a more affluent tailor colleague told you once after trading needles. Levi’s way of dressing himself really did precede him. Rumor had it he slept in full uniform, and didn’t own a morning gown: Despite making bank, sitting so high up the Survey Corps hierarchy.

It didn’t seem to get to his head, given how he crouched (although, rather elegantly) on your pavement to collect some glass shards.

„Now, how do I put this, tch…“

He was kind of preoccupied with his own thoughts, too, it seemed.

„You… can speak freely. I might be able to help.“

The shock and honor of talking to him didn’t stop there, anyway. He was exactly as petite and slim as everyone said. Every button in place. No seam sprinkled with mud. And his boots were polished.

The excitement you felt could barely be contained… but it appeared as if this godly apparition in front of you was a bit more self-hate-driven than that.

„You don’t have to bother with me if I’m full of shit. Or, you see… yet another ugly man to you,“ Levi squinted, yet full of fresh resolve somehow, looking up for the first time as he dusted the street. „I’m going to ask you anyway. Because I might just get eaten by Titans anyway.“

„Uh, what?“

Levi didn’t even flinch saying that. Instead, he was still busy squatting down, picking up chunks of random garbage (not that random to him, it seemed).

„Listen, and I’ll only inquire once,“ he sounded strict, but also... frustrated? With himself? Levi being nervous seemed like a feat of the absolute impossible. „I’m not here to freewheel some shit. I just want a quick answer, alright. You gave me a rain coat for free, what am I supposed to do to balance this equation if you don’t accept my fuckass money for it.“

Yes, you did give him a rain coat. Using scraps, it wasn’t hard to make one. And he needed it the most, right? His size had to be perfect custom anyway: Most standard cuts would restrict his movement. That wasn’t combat-friendly. If you had a spare one, why not hand Levi something that protected him out there? It was your literal job to do this for the Survey Corps.

You tried to look sympathetic, but his tone also made you realise just how straightforward men of the military were, or men from the underground. He didn’t know any better. You guessed it was a really urgent commission he wanted to issue here.

This was war, and getting a jacket fixed had to be done within the blink of an eye. The trousers of a guy like this should not stay defunct for long, and his sleeves had to be perfect for combat. No nuisance was allowed in a uniform like that. Any tailor handling it had massive responsibility. And you’d done this before. If he showed up personally, what on earth had gone wrong?

Mentally, you already postponed other clients.

„Go ahead,“ you shifted from foot to foot ever so tensely. „Do, do you want to request a tailoring for your uniform, Sir? Or was the collar of Miss Zoe insufficient?“

And now he glared. Oh, boy. Those light grey eyes.

If you fucked up, this guy would rip your shop to shreds. But you didn’t do sloppy work. At least by your standard, which you professed had to be high despite scarce resources.

So, you braced yourself. Levi was already tying up the first garbage bag he’d filled.

„I’m not here for business purposes, can’t you tell? I’m here to instigate a damn mess and degrade myself meaninglessly, it seems... It wasn’t my fucking idea, let’s put it like that.“

„Sorry, then… But I still don’t know what you mean.“

Degrade himself? That didn’t sound like something you could sew together. Your confusion merely increased, matching your heartbeat after all.

„Don’t apologize… For fuck’s sake,“ Levi growled in a response as taut as his gloves, but the indignant tone was more directed at himself. He was on edge, and as snappy as they said he was, you could tell. But unlike some other people, his actions didn’t match the intonation, as Levi seemed to be more restricted than his untamed vocabulary so colorfully suggested.

„Promise you won’t frickin‘ gossip with anyone first,“ he continued, making you clutch at your long linen jacket. You really didn’t know what on earth was going on. No tailor job could be this secret. „It’s fucking bleak enough how much I like to humiliate myself with such an uncouth shit request. But you should know you can decline, or inquire about this as it suits you, as your heart says, you hear me?“

So…

Why was Levi Ackerman monologuing in your front yard while obsessively scanning the area for trash?

Talking about obviously classified information?

Whatever political mayhem would hit you, and there was a lot of possible stuff one could think of here, you did not want to be part of it. Or spread whatever crazy information Levi wanted to keep under wraps so very desperately.

You honestly were too frozen in time and space to even invite him in. It just didn’t occur to you. He’d probably gotten a heart attack seeing all the snipped threads and open scissors and broken chalk and big stencils flying around everywhere anyway.

„Okay…? Don’t worry,“ you basically lied. Since he was more than worried without much avail, really. You were confident you’d make it worse already. „What… what do you want to ask?“

Tentative. But to the point. How does one even talk to a high-ranking soldier having a nervous breakdown. You essentially prepared for the end of the world being revealed to you. Fuck, and the new client’s trousers weren’t even finished yet.

But then? Levi quit the dusting, stepped up to you, and closed the distance from meters to an arm’s length. Sternly, he clenched up his jaw.

Focused his glance.

 „Do you honestly think this piece of shit in front of your eyes is fuckable at all, and if yes, do you want to come with me and get it over with?“

 ---

Your brows just shot up immediately.

„L-Levi… what even prompted this… I—“

„I am sorry that I left most of my heart with people that ended up in bags,“ he stood straight, firmly speaking. „So I guess I’ll come here with my own body left and rather disgustingly frank to offer it. I know this is as tactless as a stab in the spine.“

„That’s, that‘s not what I said? I asked what made you show up here?“

„Hell, should have explained that part first. Story time, then.“

„Uh, what?“

Levi started to gesture a bit more concisely, taking off his cleaning gloves. Underneath was, well, another pair of them. His uniform ones.

„I saw you at the barracks after you fixed that brat Hanji’s ripped-up collar yesterday. And you did a good job. I observed that. I don’t see such accurate seams often. Cause the Survey Corps can’t sow for shit.“

So it did start with the collar. But… why was Levi asking you out of the blue because of that? If your work was that seductive and impressive, Levi must have been drunk seeing the result. It was just standard work without room for error at least.

„Let’s say… I usually wind up fixing whatever they already tried to mend.“ And thus made worse, which pissed off Levi to the heavens. He was particular about those things. The pay he’d given you in an envelope had been generous, to say the least. „But what does that have to do with-!“

„Well first, I just want to thank you for that,“ Levi fixed his cravat, which had barely deviated in the first place. „Because I’m usually surrounded by damn psychopathic and fucking incompetent people. You might just be the last orderly person in this shithole of a place.“

He wanted to hook up with you because you were neat with sewing things for his comrades? Just because, out of nowhere, in broad daylight?

 This had to be not just the strongest, but the strangest soldier alive.

How did he even arrive at this conclusion.

Everyone knew he valued cleanliness, but rewarding you this way could only mean the Corps ran out of cash or something. No woman could even dare dream about a night with Levi.

 „Thank you… I’m trying my best. But you must be mistaking me for someone else asking me out, you know…“

„I am not.“

„Alright?“

„Let me continue, woman. I know it sounds idiotic.“

„E-enlighten me. This… um, doesn’t happen every day around here…“

„So. I stupidly figured I should come here since you greeted me at the headquarters without having a sole fucking reason to. I have no idea why someone like you would even spare me a glance. And I guess something overcame me once I came home to my quarters, and I wanted to do a filthy thing, and I thought about you showing up again in a pathetic way.“

„You thought about me? But why?“

„I got a crazy boner after that moment, couldn’t get rid of that shit thing for three hours, and that’s why I’m here.“

„Levi-san…“

Your face burned hotter than coals and the power of a gazillion suns in this moment. All you did was smile in his direction and then he approached you with the pay for Hange Zoe’s clothing alterations. Hange being very sweet and bubbly and nice and Levi being stoic. Well he did seem a little constipated. But people on the streets would say it’s nothing out of the ordinary.

„I can‘t lie about this,“ Levi stared at you rather intently, but he was visibly struggling to say it. „It’s not like I hold back my opinions.“

„You surely don’t…“

„So I asked Hanji about your shop after I froze my shit off in an ice bath. And I was fed up with all the paperwork scattered on my damn desk. And Eren was being insufferable. Then Hanji had the guts to say I should go out and hook up with some girls so I would stop talking and relax and fuss around, apparently. Fucking daring… I guess that method works for my Corps cadets, but I’m not passing myself around in the next tavern with all those disgusting idiots and all those kids present.“

Oh yes. In fact, Levi was tired of Hange hosting orgies at the southern tavern just to show everyone her sex toys and what her pocket pussy could do, Erwin turning his head every time a handsome young 5‘7 man was in sight, Historia bouncing off every dick she could get, Eren being a sex addict, Mike hooking up drunk, Jean being a womanizer, and Mikasa masturbating in bed a little too furiously every time Levi tried to wipe the main floors.

God dammit, he was upset. Everyone had a grand ole time and he did not. And Jean even made fun of him that his boner would go to waste because people would rather run away from Levi.

And so, Levi emptied his seven liquor bottles into the sink in a bout of rage.

That liquid poison was just a substitute. Levi knew damn well that alcohol was a libido killer that he’d used very deliberately.

He thought it could suppress his urges. But your cute little smile just triggered something, as did your presence, breezing through the headquarters in a light long dress in clean white, surrounded by stern black uniforms and the most dangerous of weapons everywhere. That contrasting image had turned the heichō’s head by 190 degrees or possibly 10 more. He was like wait, that’s her again. You’d done a double-breasted coat for Erwin once, something the Commander rarely took off during meetings. Same with cuffs for Hanji. And just like that, Levi had stared at your work for hours and admired it.

And your good mood, in fact, that easy way of chatting to the Corps members (well, about your sewing) made him grind his damn teeth… how could anybody march across the yard and so quickly change the tune without any effort. And no involvement of bloodshed in sight, which almost made him what, confused? Everyone on these grounds was chopping and killing and grinding and pushing all day. You looked like a glimpse into a different world. A reminder what Levi was actually fighting for. Not more bloodshed. Peace was the goal.

You had a peaceful aim, however simple. Making nice clothing. And nice clothing made a nice environment. A nice environment made a proper society. Something the underground and its crippling poverty never offered. His tidy uniform had been the way out. Even if it came with a price.

Fighting to reach normalcy created nothing of that kind. Only terror. Peace was only feasible with calming things down. If only Titans could be as soothing as you pacing through the yard with soldiers practicing the heaviest of combat, but making way when you passed, since people already knew you, and recognized the cape and collar inside your basket, Hange’s commission to you.

You coming to visit with that basket was the only positive thing he’d experienced on that day. His ribcage got knocked in an accident of friendly fire, as in, some youngster crashed into him from behind mid-air, and then the food supply got lost on an expedition and hungry squads have no aim. His day was so shit, he came back even avoiding Erwin. He’d tried to soothe himself by grooming his horse, but his ribs still hurt like hell. Then you come waltzing in and make this day a little better by solving the little problems and improving the atmosphere in stride.

No wonder his body said yes.

 ---

Some guy from the Survey Corps cleaning staff who whistled after you he beat up behind the bushes after you had left. Damn, the fists were flying. Then the guy got fired. Levi just performed the cleaning task himself. And then the alcohol went down the drain.

Well.

Levi wanted to be clean to experience those little moments of sweetness more clearly. He wasn’t sensitive to alcohol like other soldiers. But it switched something off. That included sharper perception since Levi’s head was an ache after late beers to make himself forget the daily mistakes and losses, or the faint image of Kuchel. Even when she encouraged him in his mind, he could not take it. Because the reality in front of him showed his fruitless quest instead. So, Levi drank and cursed and threatened the people around him for the smallest reasons, controlling his immediate surroundings by word and by cleaning cloth. Nothing worked to really protect people. Clean surfaces don’t make people sick, and his mother could have used a clean environment more than anyone. But being tidy is of no use when a Titan shouts out loud. Just like drinking is, Levi realized. He’d get eaten with a buzz or without.

And Levi had surely guzzled a metric ton of beer to kill his impulses. His blood was what made him so carnal, but also so high in need, and in alcohol tolerance. He couldn’t even tell the difference anymore. And thus missed the good stuff happening around him. All he saw was chaos, so your appearance had a rare taste of order.

And life.

Getting one’s dick hard can result in new life, Levi knew that better than anyone. Pregnant prostitutes were all around him when he was a child. New people could mean more casualties or more force against the Titans, depending of how he looked at it. In any case, a libido awakening was unlike chopping monsters taller than trees, was it. He was aching so badly to feel good, for just a second. Then, he disciplined himself. Didn’t really help calm his boner into a practical softness that he could just tuck away. Nope, hard standing.

Levi regretted a lot of things in his life but his dick really did not.

And an Ackerman is defined by others, not themselves, aren’t they. Levi knows that. So he goes after the source of this sudden epiphany. And his dependence. He doesn’t want to stalk you, so he has to find the right moment to meet you, but… It really draws him in. He felt like his body and hope depended on you for a mere second and that was enough for his blood to tell him to move his damn feet to the artisan district. Even if Levi knows you are a vulnerable civilian who could get eaten any minute, and feeling for you puts his heart on a slippery slope. But maybe it’s because of that.

He sees you as far too exposed to danger. He feels guilty because he is the most dangerous man on the island. Levi, having no experience with women, fears he could go bonkers and crush someone with his delirium-induced strength going rogue: Which is exactly why his type in men is tall and strong. The likelihood of injuring someone like that is at least slightly lower.

Levi is as realistic as he is patronizing in that regard… he knows what women can be capable of (he advised Mikasa, and saw how far Hange is always willing to go) but he also sees how the regular woman is at a severe disadvantage in Paradis. He is all the more impressed that there is still a female populace left. So, to him, women are both extremely strong and extremely weak, in a matter of fact Levi way of observing things. Maybe that’s what draws them to the feminine form and presence in such a repressed manner. Very strong and very weak, that sounds like a mirror of him.

And that people on the street insult his height also reminds him how many girls are treated. People lusting for Eren makes him roll his eyes. Levi cannot rest on any laurels. And he has a base line desire that has been unaddressed for three decades.

He’s not been inside someone else, ever. Only the other way around.

It has a bad connotation for him. In battle, he puts his blade into flesh, orifices, parting skin. That’s why his stupid erections make him so uneasy. It’s not confirmation to him that oh, he’s a guy, he’s hard, he’s potent. Levi already knows that. It’s a lot of other things to him instead. Dread, shock, confusion, pity, annoyance and frustration. Endlessly at that.

Ice bath here he comes. He’s ashamed he wants to put himself inside you. He’s not that attractive a sight in the mirror, either, he thinks. What are his senses doing? Act out as soon as a normal woman, not a soldier, shows up? Well, he’s seen you here more than once. And he has his eye on you like anyone else. But you don’t seem threatening, that’s what concerns and fascinates him.

Levi does note that he’s surrounded by kids all the time and you, on the other hand, are a grown woman. Of course his libido has been sleeping. He’s been training and leading a whole lot of child soldiers all day. He’s surrounded by zealous men, teens, and otherwise kids. Sure, the life expectancy behind these walls is low, and a life works differently here. But… Levi definitely likes adult-adults, not a young gun. Erwin is the one who likes men around 20. Levi would not dabble with someone that’s naive.

He barely sees adult women up close. He averts his eyes when a tavern owner is a woman tending the bar, handing him the wine he ordered. No matter how much her shape is ample. It’s not his place to desire somebody just like that, he thinks, strangers or service people. Levi finds it so pathetic he, the supposed great crusader of humanity’s cause, drinks in front of any woman. Even if it doesn’t impact his fighting ability. Even worse, since he’s so far from being human.

The only other adult women he meets outside duty are prostitutes in taverns. And he avoids them all. The voracious side of Levi could have sex with each and every one and promise a good time, and really make them finish… but the business is too dark and past-laden for him.

And he shouldn’t go off duty, off cleaning, off paperwork, off watch, off practice, off meetings, off court, off taking care of his appearance.

 ---

„Yes, I would… advise against going to the taverns. Kids should stay away from that stuff... It’s no good.“

„Exactly. I’m a fucking adult. And my schedule is tight because guess what, Titans don’t wait for me to get a hot date every other night. My comrades keep fucking pestering me to do, whatever, tch… ‚casual encounters‘. I’ve seen what that does to people. Nothing good at all. I can’t afford fucking random people if I want to stay on top of the situation at Wall Rose, let’s be fucking honest. And I’ve been out in the streets. I’m not going back there. And the next person telling me to go get a prostitute to ‚blow off steam‘ will eat the dirt under my very boot.“

Damn. He didn’t lie he was new to this. He really felt the need to overexplain himself. All just to hit on you. If his behavior could be considered that.

„And that means?“

„If I go out to get bent around by someone, I don’t want to run into an unstable brainless maniac. So I guess that’s why I’m asking you selfishly instead, to spend the night, if that explanation is any good. Apparently my body keeps telling me I should and it’s getting annoying. You can beat me across the head with a beer bottle and call me a desperate prick if I should shut up and leave. Throw me down this gutter while you’re at it. I might as well deserve that.“

„Geez… You’re definitely not ugly, Levi. And… if you think this will take your mind off… I’d spend the night with you, sure, but‑ Please, why’d I hit your head with a bottle? I don’t hate you.“

„Fair enough. Meet me at the well before sunset, that‘s after my shift at Wall Rose, and we go to my place,“ he put his gloves on, beginning to scan for trash on the ground eventually. „And don’t even bother cleaning yourself. Because I will do that. I’ll cook something if you can stand my French toast. Don’t expect a knightly buffet or some phony shit.“

„Okay, the well down the other road, right… French toast sounds nice, I like eating that.“

„Yes, to the left. Just bring a stack of clothes and your other convenience supplies. And don’t be drunk. You can screw me however you like if you haven’t changed your mind until then, which I guess you will after seeing how I don’t exactly pack 10 inches. If you’re not satisfied with 5 and a half, just kick me and I won’t complain. Reject me or take me. I’ll die anyway.“

Okay. This was definitely a normal way to hit on someone.

„Complain? You just asked me out, Levi. I’m not trying to get my genitals wrecked with some Titan size dick, either,“ you barely hid your frown, actually shocked by his lack of confidence, given his rank and title. „That’s not how reasonable women think, Captain, with all due respect. Five and a half is more than fine by me, if you want to be that accurate. It’s not like anyone goes around announcing their measurements like that.“

„Sorry, I had to make this as rude as possible… People nowadays are fake as shit. Take it or leave it is what my job teaches me.“

Man. This guy left you stuttering while standing in the street.

„I… appreciate the honesty. I‘d call it frank, it’s... just refreshingly blunt, and… I just wonder how you knew I was um, in-, interested in you?“

„You glared at my butt for what it’s worth,“ Levi quipped without an ounce of hesitation. „I figure that’s a sign of some desire.“

Guilty as charged. What a perceptive glare this man possessed. He never missed a thing. You liked what you saw, though. Absolute prime glutes or compact muscle. Had a really nice curve to it. Much like his shoulder region was just perfect. His body line was easy on the eye to say the least.

„At sunset with my toothbrush and fresh clothes,“ is all you knew at this point: „Not drunk, not washed, hungry and… discreet, of course.“

„You seem to get what I’m saying. But you don’t have to parrot it like this. I’m just an ugly old man doing a highly irrational thing because Hanji told me to. You don’t have to act like you’re below this.“

Sounds like this guy had a hard time ignoring orders. Maybe you had to adapt your tone a little. Not very fitting for a seamstress, but this was a military man: Not a basket weaver.

„Why wouldn’t I pay attention and remember the crucial stuff? You’re very handsome, Levi… Captain, I insist.“

The change in speak really did impact the way he now so suddenly flushed, trying to hide his expression with a frown.

„Tch, what nonsense… I’m just a bag of trash last time I checked. But thanks for accepting my stupid impulse. I must say I was in a shit dilemma over this.“

If that impulse was stupid remained to be seen. You could disappoint one another, mess it up with drama, or even get the other person in danger. Or just have a hot time.

50-50, really.

„A Dilemma? Why?“

„I can’t just invite myself into your home like a nosy pervert and disrupt your shop, or soil your bed with my miserable existence,“ he shook his head with the astute conviction of a very genuine consideration. „The ‚hotels‘ around here all reek, that’s for fucking sure, so, no way we go there, either.“

Legitimate concern. The tavern in the street two blocks from here was infested with rats.

„Oh… that’s what you mean. I wouldn’t go there, either.“

„I know taking you to my living space out of nowhere like a creep sounds worse than something Jean would do. But I already cleaned up my quarters and changed the sheets, and it’s safe from Titans. If you feel like you’re doing something you don’t want, you can scream and the whole Survey Corps will hear you, and Mikasa will rip my cock off. You’re free to put your fist in my useless face then. I’m new to this, I know my offer is shabby and too much for you. Fuck, why did I come here and ask something so preposterous, anyway.“

„It’s not. Too much, I mean… I’d choose going to your place, too.“

„Don’t lie. Fucking hell. Tch, how even.“

„Humanity trusts you every day to keep us alive… 365 times in a year. I think I can confide in you for one. It, it… seems like you really want me to say I’d hit you if you hurt me, so. Yeah, I would leave immediately if I didn’t like it. A creep wouldn’t even ask me to sleep with him. You’ve been more transparent than any guy I know with this.“

„I gotta get less worked up then.“

„I, I did look at your butt. I’m sorry if I lead you on and compromised you.“

„Let’s share our guilt by fucking, then. Although the person who approached you was me. It’s not like I’ll accomplish much jumping around on these walls forever. I might as well be an animal for once like the shit things I have to slice up all day. I guess my own Titan side has started talking to me. You know how my clan has been made. I wouldn’t ask you if I wasn’t sure about never eating humans. Hanji assured me the Ackermans aren’t cannibals, I guess. But there’s still a horny demon built in, it seems. Given how Mikasa is wet for Eren all around the clock I was already waiting for my turn. I don’t usually get a boner if a woman shows up at the Corps.“

„You don’t have to justify yourself, Levi. It’s natural for almost anyone to suddenly feel attracted to a person.“

„I am still a liability you didn’t ask for. To be damn clear, this is not a demand. You can still hit me and call the fuckass police on me.“

„I won’t. I take this opportunity. My profession is a bit lonelier than yours, let’s put it like that. The extra hours…“

… have you all pent up. And desolate. And it’s all heavy on the fingers and eyes to say the least.

„I’m sorry. Your hard work surpasses mine in detail and dedication. You slave away in your chamber all day and get the job done. Just because my dumbest cadets can’t keep their uniforms neat in combat. At least these fuckers keep you employed and fed. So they must be good for something, then. Use this compensation at least… I don’t even need half my salary to live well. It’s not like there’s something to really live for positively, anyway.“

„Half your what-?!“

„Take it or I will force you to. It’s not payment for sex. Did I make myself clear? I just want to see your crafts and orderliness rewarded well. The supply administrators are too stingy with pay.“

Did he seriously hand you a money bundle? A big one?

And he earned it by protecting you and everyone else in this place? You just stuffed it into your pocket, as if on auto pilot. This was too good to be true. You’d never seen a pile of currency like that in your life.

„Is that amount sufficient for your store? If not, I might rip my cape on accident like a beginner some time. They gave me the most expensive one, so. Repairs will cost me horrid sums of money.“

Your entire house entrance was free from gunk by now. You were shaky in the knees at those words, too. This guy was incredible.

„Thanks, I… need it. My yarn and thread was running low.“

„I will pester Hanji for some wool, then. She sheared some sheep for a crazy titan feeding ritual. Disgusting as fuck, I must say. I almost threw up.“

„Wool? I haven’t gotten my hands on wool in four years.“

„I will just dump it in your shed, then. Any other concerns while I’m at it?“

„With out meeting, I… I was wondering if you have protection at the Corps.“

„That goes without saying. I‘m not a blockhead, woman. I wouldn’t dare touch you without it.“

„Then I look forward to being with you. Is there anything I can do for you?“

„Oi, oi. Let’s not overdo it. You just use me like the whore I am for showing up here, tomorrow, that’s all I’m asking,“ he added, cramming some garbage into his makeshift bag, wrapped around the broom conveniently. „I don’t need anything else.“

You really didn’t like the way he talked about his own body.

But gauging him told you that reassurance had a limited effect on him. It was evident Levi truly despised being alive, but made sure others could find reason and shelter from harm. His entire selfhood laid balanced on those two pillars. So you wouldn’t knock them.

„Be safe until then.“

That’s what you mumbled instead.

„Tch. I can’t guarantee surviving. But if I can make it, I’ll invite you for tea. Just don’t forget to bring your stuff. The rest is my responsibility. I know I’m a burden for asking you. My task is the least safe. Maybe that’s why I’m making all of this very machine-like.“

Well. Something all too human needed structure and forward movement.

And making this as robotic as possible removed the two of you from fragile emotion.

Which was the last thing a person in this world could use to prevent suffering even more.

You understood. But without the vulnerable part, there was no way you could do this with Levi.

And he had been more than open himself, even with his dry delivery masking it.

 „There’s a way to fix that,“ you shrugged, as if the idea in your head was just a bypassing triviality.

„Hm?“

„If you have fifteen minutes and want to see my backyard…“

„Woman, please express yourself directly. I can’t stand this vagueness, it’s just--“

„I want to make out. Just kiss.“

„Twenty minutes,“ Levi put down his cleaning supplies, grumbling in an even stricter manner now: Clearly compensating. „Or Erwin gives me lashings.“

 ---

You both headed to the back of the house, which really was the metal shed. How perceptive of Levi already. He’d spotted it all. But the shed was more than what the clattering exterior suggested.

„You really went out of your way a lot,“ you cranked the squeaky door open after unlocking it, which really made him crinkle his nose. „I’m a bit shocked someone like you would come to me.“

„Tch! I’m a professional slaughterman in a perverted little harness. Leading wholly unprepared teenagers into their sure death, seven days a week. I’m the one below you. I haven’t done a single honorable thing in my entire stupid life, damn!“

Talk about self-hatred: There he goes again.

„That’s not true. You just made sure I can actually eat something proper for a year. I think that’s a redeeming thing.“

„You don’t care about the ruthlessness of my job?“

„I don’t know what it’s like. And the Titans kill the members of the Survey Corps. Not you. You’re defending something, after all. And you put your life on the line for thousands of people weaker than you, right… It’s not like you aren’t training the shit out of your squad members so they can face the threat like you do. I would feel well-prepared if you trained me. And the harness looks nice.“

You sat Levi in the shed, which really was a greenhouse with a bench and many utensils.

„If you put it like that.“

You sat on his skinny lap, and his breath already hitched. Shifting, Levi was a bit taken aback, to put it lightly.

„And nobody is ever prepared for Titans. Don’t be too hard on yourself… You are more protective and more purposeful than you think. That’s what makes you beautiful.“

„I only talk a lot of shit. Don’t delude yourself, I’m not very pretty,“ Levi scowled. „Not on the inside, and on the outside? Fuck no. I’m too done for that already.“

„Until now, maybe,“ you cupped his chin. „But at least allow me to make you feel like it. Pretty, I mean.“

„I could accept that.“

„Then… allow me. To kiss you better for a while. You don’t have to speak.“

„Okay. I’ll shut it, then.“

And that’s how you kissed Levi.

 Bending gently to match the angle of his small face, making the bench creak a little with every time you shifted. Placing his hands deliberately on the middle of your back, it felt cozy and sweet to be held, even if he seemed to be a man with many edges.

 The wool was in the shed, and the door had been oiled by a mystery man.

This guy. You spent the day securing the money he gave you, buying some actual market food with it, and ate well. The difference in energy was staggering. You felt much more confident.

And pried through your best dresses to find a suitable and colorful pick. But Levi’s voice in your head said „eh, just pick the dark cloak. Jean’s got no business seeing you. It’s dangerous at night. And it’s cold as shit in our barracks“ and you settled with the comfortable choice. White cotton dress to the ankles underneath, and the big warm cape.

The rest of the day, you spun the yarn. And made Levi a little hat with it, because winter was harsh. Alongside your overnight supplies, you stuffed it into your trusted leather bag, alongside a gun. It wasn’t Levi you were terrified of.

  The well offered a cool drink at dusk, but seemed to usher in some groups of men as well as you waited in the half shadows. Hanging out, talking trash, they quickly zeroed in on you with naughty stares and laughs, noting your heavy cloak. Some muscular guy, bearded, fuzzy-haired, maybe in his 40s, even came to talk to you out of the blue, perhaps just to mock and frighten you.

„Where ya going, sweet maid? Huh? You wanna come with us?“

That laugh of his was just nasty. You were shivering like a chunk of brushwood.

From the shadows, however… a sudden tiny fist hit him in the back of the head soon enough as the older guy dared coming closer.

He collapsed.

The groups of men dispersed with haste as the famous silhouette stood still in front of you. Levi really introduced himself by clubbing down a big broad 6‘3 guy from behind, did he. You’ve been struck by… a smooth corporal.

„Learn to wipe your ass before you approach people at night first,“ boomed the infamous voice, irrespective of how receptive the man was to criticism at this point. He barely got up a minute later.

The man eventually fled into a hay stack where he laid slack.

„Shameless wanking pigs,“ was the bare hiss heard all across the street crossing. „Making a woman carry a loaded pistol with her, tch.“

Damn, he really had some X-Ray street smarts. Levi was five steps behind when it came to interacting with people, but he was always on top with combat, staying true to his public reputation: He’d walked here in his bloodied uniform, after all. And none of that blood was visibly his.

„Levi! How’d you know?“

You’d barely recovered from the molestor stalking closer and you already hit a new state of confusion.

„Eh… Seventh sense for gun violence. You walk and talk and stand different.“

He barely nodded his head as a greeting and shrugged, seemingly accepting the fact that you just walked around with an admittedly crazy large weapon. But you also knew he said this out loud to make the other guys refrain from coming back. Which… worked.

„Thank you for taking him out. I‘d never have the courage to pull it from my bag, though,“ you closed the distance to Levi, who already set out to leave with you.

„I can teach you how to blow some wanker brains out some time,“ he applied something that looked like lip ointment to his face. Was that a damn… self-made lip balm? Christ, he really took care of himself. „Let’s just go to the quarters before some nocturnal titans peel some roofs off around here. Fucking place makes me claustrophobic. Sorry I made you meet me here,“ he pulled a paper bag from his left armpit. „It’s because the baker is here.“

Delicacies, all for you to eat. Levi had picked it up only two minutes ago before busting that guy’s ass.

„Oh-!“

„And the secret gateway to my quarters,“ Levi growled under his breath. You’d already wondered why he was walking towards a barn.

The round milling stone inside inside concealed a night passage that led you straight to the barracks indeed.

  His three rooms were spartan, dim, wooden, and… well-ventilated. From where, you didn’t know. This thing was pretty subterranean. But he was Levi, and Levi found Levi solutions to Levi problems. Meticulously, because being accurate provided safety. That reputation preceded him. It was obvious why he was damn near indestructable.

And this whole bunker was somehow less stuffy than the rest of this whole desperate island at once.

Levi had scrubbed the dark pine floor panels to perfection, dusting each furniture surface, hunting down each moth and fly and spider to throw it out in a high curve far enough to reach Marley.

And one part was a barricaded bunker within the bunker. Cold bricks and stones and everything.

Levi had a literal basement.

That’s the spot you had tugged him to by his sleeve after he’d served food, saying the chef, who was very confident with his pots and pans, shouldn’t be so shy when it suddenly came to his visitor. He caved when you explained to him that choosing a spot where any Survey Corpse member could see the two of you upon barging in was a bad idea. And the room helped cool you off.

Because the squad leader had to be quick on their boots during emergencies and whatever else hit them, the beds were obviously right next to the doors in every quarter around here. So. There was that.

And Levi really didn’t want to put on a show for Hange, or whoever was prone to storm in. This was already risky enough. And private private. Levi knew he’d feel shame if someone other than you perceived him as a sexual being.

Judging by the fact that you were not intimidated by him at all, you were clearly here to bed him. Others were not allowed. Others were connected to „terrible things outside“. That did not apply to the guest who so eagerly ate what he served.

 „I hope the damn food was remotely eatable. Spices are so fucking expensive to get. Might have needed to simmer it for ten more minutes… Do you really want to fuck such a lousy chef?“

„It was really good, Levi. Don’t say that. Of course I want to.“

„Well then.“

 ---

It was a bit chilly in that room, yes.

But you knew that would be the literal ice breaker as Levi angrily draped his coat over your shoulders.

Then, you asked him to actually close the door. Well, he did.

No one should hear. This shouldn’t disrupt the daily proceedings of the Corps in any way. And there were kids around the headquarters. And likely people, or at least ears, who waited for Levi to expose a weakness that wasn’t an Achilles Heel he could substitute with something else (strength or accuracy) like his height. It would be pretty hard to compensate having his love interest abducted.

Levi would torment himself for eternity if he messed this up. He’d start to sweat, realizing what a liability you were to each other. He already had a thousand feelings and now this. Why did he come up with this, even? Confused and overwhelmed with the situation at large, he fixed his hair.

Levi never seemed on edge that way. You asked why.

 „I’m not doing this just to tell my subordinates I’ve been sexually active,“ Levi growled at the wall mirror, administering some finishing touches on his close shave, while you made yourself comfortable. „This is no kiss and tell for both of us, you hear me?“

„Lips are sealed.“

„Good. Well... I don’t even know what I’m supposed to fucking do after this goes down, okay. But I’m clear about something.“

„Yes?“

„This is all for private reasons only. And I make myself open to attack being here with a woman. This is just the result of a damn hunch, fuck…“

„Some Ackerman thing?“

Kind of. Probably. Partially.

„It’s not like I’m enjoying something so senseless pulling my little shit strings right here,“ he fiddled with the razor foam. „And if you don’t like it, you can go.“

You didn’t plan to. Sitting on his bed was already more than everything could have dreamed about in your loneliest nights. Levi sounding defensive and obviously afraid made you feel bad, though. He had to deal with enough negative stuff.

„I already understood that by the way you sought me out by yourself, Captain,“ you teased, trying to cheer up the moment itself.  

„If you wanted brownie points, you would have hit on me when I came to fix Hange’s collar in front of everyone,“ you kicked your feet. „Probably by insulting me how I looked like I didn’t eat and forcing me to go get bread with you or something.“ Or whatever complex scenario and excuse he would’ve had to come up with.

But no, he came to your shop. Of course.

„Hmph…“

Needless to say, Levi blushed a deep red now.

„Would have been quite the spectacle.“

„I have no intent to compromise both of us in such a pathetic way,“ he continued shaving, watching the mirror. „I don’t actually want all that fucking attention just to show I manage to invite someone.“

„Heichō, does that mean I shouldn’t moan out loud?“

Bingo. He clenched his teeth even harder.

„Preferrably… It’s not like my rooms are located next to Jean, Hange, and Sasha, anything like that.“

„Oh really?“

„I don’t intend to impress brats. Let’s not make me talk of the town, woman… I’m not a front page guy. Let’s not talk about fucking gossip, oi.“

„I appreciate you being mature about these things. I promise I won’t tell.“

„Thanks.“

„And you’re right. You’re more of a center fold guy.“

„You pervert…“

„And… If you want. I can pull your strings. Maybe a bit logically, if you prefer. Keep this on,“ you pointed at that harness of his, which promised much leverage, and some juicy friction.

It could be uncomfortable, but… you liked the way it looked, and Levi maintained it with a special treatment and care. Your tailor eye saw that.

His straps looked way different than the gear of all the other Survey Corps members. No wonder he was good at what he did. Levi was a specialist. In everything. Except seduction (ouch). Even romancing somebody without the sex part would be easier for him. Everybody knew he came from prostitution. Of course he was terrified. But it seemed like his „sense“ really did guide him into this. You hoped his Ackerman instinct wasn’t the sole purpose for his approach.

„If you really want to, woman. Tch… It seems like it excites you.“

„M-hm.“

  Before splashing himself with water for a clean face and damp hair, Levi shaved the nape and sides of his head as well, and even swiped the blade through his eyebrows like an expert, cleaning them up in the process.

Hey, that’s why they were so sharp. He made a whole ritual out of his towel dry moment, too. Levi the barber samurai.

Well, that’s when it dawned on you.

He was peacocking the hell out of this. It wasn’t supposed to buy him time or make you impatient. No, that was the mating dance. He even brushed his teeth for three minutes and washed his hands for 30 seconds after. He probably assumed you had the exact same hygiene fetish as him and it turned you on.

Actually, it fascinated you.

And it was a bit… worrying.

 „Levi, please come over. You already look perfect.“

He declined. Too busy applying aftershave. An absolute luxury that Levi sparsely treasured.

„As a seamstress, you probably know… a garment can be tailored to perfection. And it stays that way unless it really is overused. But the shit human body doesn’t work that way. It has to be altered constantly. It degrades, is dirty, is worn. So I don’t want this walking decay near you. The filthy, bloody fucking part is for me, for my job. I don’t believe a man should approach a partner without being well-kept.“

„Sorry… I do know.“

„And it’s not like my looks are on par with Erwin or Eren,“ Levi was visibly disgruntled. „I have to work for it. I’m not some blondie bitchboy or a tall bastard who only has to wait for people to fly his way.“

„I would fly your way if I saw you out for dinner,“ you shrugged, flirting hard. „People just feel like you’ll reject them harshly, I guess. You protect yourself a lot.“

„I have my reasons,“ Levi finally put down his maintenance tools and approached the bed, harness on, ushering you to lay back. „But I’m still not as arrogant to deny that I want to do… Things here.“

For someone coming from the street, and for someone cussing so much, Levi sure was unable to talk about intimate matters.

He let his hands do the talking as always. When you beckoned him, he moved.

Resolute, Levi spread your knees apart with a strict expression, then sat on his heels in between them. Looking oh so immaculate in posture. No slouching here.

He took a wrap from his chest pocket. Unmistably something for protection.

„I know.“

„Thanks… for accepting my invite then.“

The way he said that reminded you once more he hadn’t been with anyone but guys yet. That’s all the woman he ever knew on this pristine bed right here. Was the pressure on? Not really.

You knew you could offer him a good time, and Levi, at the end of the day, had mastered his own body unlike anyone brought forth by mankind. His physical way of handling life was his sexually magnetic pull. Wanting him blonde or tall did not even cross your mind, dammit.

 Though, the image of someone crossed your mind for a second, still.

  Before he was buried under the rubble of his house in Shiganshina, you’d spent two years with the frail assisstant of your former sewing master, Conrad. A young trim man with a sensitive way of being. From crafting a rug together to making a pair of a gloves, and even spending the evening, you both knew all things that could relieve pain and make two people enjoy togetherness. You’d shared everything.

The slow and attentive lovemaking of the 21-year-old tailor assistant had been quite the refuge. And you knew how to kiss a man now, despite your profession being notoriously lonely. The loss of Conrad had caused you to isolate in the shed for two months. Would he be happy knowing Levi took you with him?

Fuck, he would be. You deserved your second chance. And Levi was the person who advocated doing something about grief the most. You had to move on, have fun. Enjoy a pleasant little moment. Numb the loss, appreciate that this happened. Allow yourself to be loved and attended to.

 Hell, you were currently in Levi’s coat (you even wished you had tailored it), with the best smelling man on the island kneeling between your legs. And couldn’t wait. He was treating you to this. Like an adult.

Yes, his musculature was beyond insane. When he took off his shirt and pulled the harness tight, you saw a level of chest and rib definition that you thought was impossible. Damn, this guy really did take down Titans a thousand times his size.

Still, Levi came across as the most controlled person ever. The powers couldn’t harm you, as you didn’t have anything against Levi. Otherwise, his island-famous crazy-mode would’ve long been activated. You weren’t worried.

You trusted his closed-off way, his seriousness.

 The only thing that puzzled your perception was his lack of certainty on why he was even drawn to you. Because of the Acker-thing. Or what on earth it really was. What he said, about his hunch, that didn’t sound like a joke to you. The Captain didn’t take just about anyone to his room.

Yes, alright, Levi’s rant against promiscuity was pretty believable. Maybe you were just in the right time and place, though? He was quite the mystery.

A single collar could impress him, for fuck’s sake. You’ve done far more complex repairs. But he gets a real boner over what you do for a living. Folding and stitching woven things.

How?

He said he almost jacked off, right. To the neatness of your seams, or whatever. The way you could iron a cravat to perfection and whatnot. You knew the underground experience had him crave a higher standard of living, but that kind of desire for parallel threads had to be some sort of fetish relief.

So, you asked him about it.

 „Anything that keeps me from filth must be a good thing,“ was the stoic quip while he robotically fumbled around in his dark pants to get the condom on, maintaining an eerie eye contact that was also strangely hot.

 From what you could see, he looked nice. Very much in proportion to his sleek and gorgeous legs.

 To get things going, you would rub up against his stomach a little – and Levi already clenched up his entire jaw. Using your feet, even, made the Ackerman’s mind collapse a little, you could tell. Tracing your toes at his outline. Maybe he was right.

About you being a perv.

„Taking off this coat might help it stay safe from sweat stains,“ you‘d smugly coo at him already, playing with his waist, the loops of the sturdy harness, pulling him closer.

„Shameless tease… I can see you’re… well, this already.“

Of course he helped you take it off, now that the room temperature was tropical.

„You mean wet?“

Oh yes.

Determined, you flipped yourself around now, core against his hips. Levi felt damn good like this. Lying to himself was of no use. His waist being so ridiculously small made your butt feel bigger, even. Levi inside, in this doggy position… no, that was too much for him, still. His muffled growls told you to take it slower.

„Hmnh…“

„Wet means ready to go, heichō,“ you peeled your dress up, feeling your heart race. The view made Levi curse. The scent of his pillow made you so intoxicated.

„Then… let’s not waste any fucking time.“

Finally he shoved those skin tight black combat trousers down. You got so excited, you levelled yourself down almost automatically. Easier access to what you’ve been waiting for. Levi struggled to position himself, though, propped up, skitting, so you used a harness strap to lay him back, flat, and close to you. Now, the positions were switched, Levi laying down face up.

„Like a ragdoll. Ready for action?“

„If you put it like that… and yes. For fuck’s sake. Yes.“

„Let me help you there,“ you reached back, now squatting on him, dick in hand. Levi must have been so confused. Acrobatics? Handjob? Getting groped? He held his breath.

Well, until you positioned the tip, got it in with some work, nice and firm girth in your calloused hand. He was half drenched immediately.

The haste in your movement definitely showed.

„Aagh‑ It squeezes…!“

„Hold on,“ you wiggled your legs in place, lowering.  

„Ugh, holy crap. I never knew it was this tight.“

„Those are two muscles you don’t have, Captain. You should brace yourself,“ the smug flirtation continued. Levi was too busy struggling with the new sensation.

„Fuck! Fuck… that deep. You’ll make me crazy, woman…“

Did his eyes just roll back? You tried to glance across your shoulder. A mirror would be nice. Though, Levi and his sex faces would probably make you come right away. His hands ghosting over your breasts already made you bite your lips. Fuck, that was nice. His curiosity.

 Starting to ride him in a steady tempo made Levi hiss out loud. Damn, you could not wait. Something possessed your legs. You just wanted to gyrate. His hands fisted the crammed up sheets. Someone was absolutely going through it.

„Fuck­—!“

Goodbye to the wrinkle-free duvet being perfectly laid out underneat his back. The fact that he had no regard for his usual orderliness anymore made you grin, in fact. And he felt great inside.

Not painful, just substantial. Levi wasn’t pencil thin. Very handy, smooth, slightly pink, parallel, formed. Perfect to slap against you with those tight and compact balls. A little up and down…

„Are you, are you already draining me?“

So much for pre-cum.

Poor Levi. This was surprisingly raw for him. He was so focused and all squeezed in. The tug was heavy – taking two breaths at once. Never had his abs been tighter. You bounced on top of him, let loose, enjoyed it.

Racking up the tempo.

„Oh Levi…“

Still, you could tell he was a much more sensual man than he led on.

And just as slut-like as he’d feared.

Judging by his death grip on the mattress, which went on to wrap around your ankles (Levi knew a point of possible instability when he saw one), but his hips very much reacting to yours, he relinquished all control: And it was too good, he had to let it happen. The wild warmth and his feeling chaos were unlike his jaded mind and damaged heart. The thrill in the loins screamed a million things to him, and the loudest was, he was really connected with someone. This was the first time that…

Someone took him in.

And really did something for him.

 So, it happened.

He couldn’t possibly restrain it after all. The unknown pleasure was too much.

The clasp of Levi to keep his torso still was only overpowered by his grunting shock release.

„No—!“

And then there was a hot mess inside the condom. Levi kept his eyes squinted shut for a good ten seconds while his inner monologue flashed by.

 Shit.

I didn’t know it could happen this way.

Well now I know the meaning of ‚blew it‘.

Stupid Captain.

Can’t keep it together, you disappointing piece of shit, can you.

Always screwing it up for yourself and everybody else. Just another day, same crap. Even in bed.

Fuck, that was strong as hell.

I must be crazy having done that.

Knew it would wind up this way.

I hope she still likes me at all.

What on earth have I even fucking done here, fuck.

Something this dirty. I should be ashamed of myself.

Useless in the end as always. She has every right to just leave and not come back.

I take all my courage to ask her for a night and I can’t even go past midnight. This has got to be my worst moment with a woman.

That’s what I get for meddling with matters of sex and filth. Well deserved, Levi, well done. Stellar work.

Totally proved your humanity’s strongest title. If she slaps you, just take it and never shop up at her store again. You pig are wearing the clothes she worked on all night and you offer five minutes of pure stupidity. And you shaved for this misery? Even the sloppy fucker Eren can give a girl a better time wearing his potato sack.

Total beginner. It’s only gonna get worse from now. Pathetic as you are with this. I’m just miserable. And I could be bigger, too. I’m awful and disgusting to watch. Stick to killing Titans, Levi. You’re no good in the sack.

Kuchel has done this all her life with people she hated. And who hated her. And I can’t even make this a nice evening for someone I like.

She’ll go home and say ‚that was it?‘ and curse me for life. Did she even come?

You’re ugly and worthless inside out as always. Struggling, hassles, toil, only to get nothing. Nothing, nothing at all. Except compromising someone I care about.

A violent, crusading traitor. That’s what you are, Levi, you midget.

Fuck, I should have given this up before maneuvering us into this mess. The sole man responsible for being at the center of causing bad memories on this island is called me.

She‘ll reject me like I thought. That can’t possibly be good enough. You moaned like a fool. Did you hear yourself? Should I be this greedy?

Good thing we did it here. If my comrades saw me here. I’d never live this down.

Tch, I should fucking die already. Zeke just needs to gnaw my neck off. Then I might stop regretting everything about life, huh. Death sounds much better than this.

Levi Ackerman, always a slave to yourself. Can’t ever get anything done right. You scum.

Clean this up immediately. At least send her off politely. If she doesn’t spit on you already.

I thought I was bitter. Why did I instigate something so unclean.

Why.

Why.

 Maybe the bond was the answer.

But all you knew was, taken by how you’d wound him up, had sped this up, and gave him a risqué perspective of your back, toying with him, Levi simply could not hold back the climax he’d never experienced in that manner before, which made him look profusely apologetic. And you thought you weren’t good or significant enough for him. Something that plagued you from the get-go. You were just some working nobody.

But no, it was Levi who felt inferior.

You saw he hated it, lasting so briefly, and had pulled out when he ejected his No, but realized that Levi had called it out because he came.

Humanity’s most potent solider. Someone not even the worst people on earth could destroy, expose, humiliate, open up, or coax something out of. Undone in just a few minutes in those clean sheets, passionately, and weak to your warmth. Which, to you, was not weak. It was receptive.

Levi was open to you.

In, out, he released, no brakes, no filter. He looked terribly sorry for you, and angry with himself, extremely. Yet meekly grateful, because you did this, making him feel better than ever before. Something Levi had never been at the receiving end of. The fact that you emptied him completely, so fast, so loud. He couldn’t even describe it. All his battle mind could conceive was, you both weren’t hurt, that was a positive. And cumming this fast… must mean he really enjoyed you. Sex was hot and electrifying, and turned him into someone else, someone sure to react and surrender. That much was clear to him. You had an impact, that was for sure. But, from his point of view, he really wanted you to have a better experience, dammit.

That’s when you knew that Levi really liked you, and was turned on by you completely.

A man so stringent and dirt-avoidant turned into a private man sexually on fire just because you walked through the HQ with a basket. That painful ass boner? You looking at him caused it. Secretly, he loved it.

Why not let her puppeteer me?

That’s infinitely better than having to send off cadets to die. I should be used in bed forever with that shit erection, controlled by the shit Ackerman genes, obsessed with this seductive woman and stupid in my brain from it, not fight for lives in the shit forest. Better to bang your brains out than getting it eaten. Be glad you got laid at all.

Thinking like that helped him… mitigate his little mishap. Just putting some things into perspective. Better cum fast than die fast, then.

If he would have been born fertile, this would have meant: Fast, Levi, she could be gone in five minutes, enjoying some better man than you. Shoot it already, she should be the mom, and you should be the baby’s father, not someone else. You can’t wait. You need her. Make yourself a dad as quickly as you can because that chance is rare.

So there was that.

 „Excuse my stupidity,“ Levi griped, wiping his abs down rather discreetly, turned away from you so all you saw was back muscles. „That was shit.“

You did fuck him silly, so. Stupid was close.

„Sorry, Levi…“

„Don’t,“ he glared across his shoulder. „I instigated this fucking madness. I had no idea I’d be this bad.“

Jeez, he was mad. Levi not having the fun you had and blaming himself made you feel guilty somehow, too. And since he felt that, he was pissed at himself even more? Fuck, what just happened.

„I assumed that’s what you might be up for, and… I just felt like starting strong. That was a bit impatient, I guess… that’s my fault, you haven’t done this before,“ you tried to reason now. Was that shame you felt?

Maybe you’d thrown him into cold water a little too much because you were pent-up. But that’s hormones for you. And Levi’s famous ‚strong‘ epithet really did shape everyone’s perception of him, even spanning to other areas of his life, where he might not necessarily be so tough and ready to take everything. Sp perhaps that shame was for misjudging him, or believing the stereotype seamlessly, demanding a lot from him.

To be fair, and this sounded all too opportunistic but true, Levi was too much of a smokeshow not to seize the chance. He said it could be over tomorrow. Life was short in Paradis. Going overboard was better than understatements, right. You kind of approached this like a tailoring job. The fact that he was an A tier super-soldier only compounded that vigor. You hated yourself for not reading the room, and not considering that Levi might want to be handled more gently than that.

Little did you know his powers only applied to battlefield and organizational concerns. The rest… laid bare, quite literally.

 Should have noticed earlier how Levi is actually quite shy in bed. So much for your ‚experience‘. Well done for a first time. You just steamrolled this, and made it all about yourself. Which only shoots you in the foot. Idiot.

Now I have to find a way to turn this around. That’s my usual hastiness hitting Levi Ackerman out of all people. Not even he is safe from it. Sex is not a sewing contest, dammit.

I should have led him better than this. And just calmed. The hell. Down. Fuck, I just ruined this for him. I overestimated the situation start to finish. That’s kind of an insult to someone so high up... Levi deserves better than a botched quickie.

And I was his first woman, right. Great impression you just gave him. A selfish maniac consumed by trying to have fun, bouncing around in a hopeless place. This couldn’t have been dumber.

In my defense, we were both high-strung. It’s not like he couldn’t have some red alert any second here. Who on this island has great sex without alcohol involved.

And the situation at the well just spoiled it. And that was not our fault.

But what to even do now. Just awkwardly cut this off? Beg him to try again? Let him lead? Coach him through this better later, if he is still in the mood?

  „Oi… I’ve done things a hundred times more dangerous than that,“ he shook his head, dismissive, but not disrespectful. Slipping his underwear on… and turning to you now. He was clearly depleted, breathing hard. „Chopping heads right off. Bathing in Titan guts. Getting entire houses thrown at me. And I was built to handle things like that. I don’t think the Eldians made us to be superhuman bedmates rather than servants.“

„Right…“

„So. Besides my pathetic reactions, I’m not regretful,“ Levi handed you clothing. „I rather hope you don’t regret it. I don’t want to compromise a civilian with my incompetence in any way.“

„It wasn’t pathetic to me… you were… pretty sexy, actually.“

No lie there. He was hot. Straight shooter, but that was on brand, if you thought about it. Someone who took three-minute showers condensing what others did in ten minutes? Someone who had to be on demand to save thousands of people, all the time? Just had to come fast.

To think about what the Eldians built into the Ackermans was beyond creepy, though.

And you were supposed to be the awkward one. Levi did no wrong.

So, as far as you understood, in his mind, it was intense, but still not a lot? Levi was so confusing. He was usually as concise as his blades.

You took the clothes, dressing, then. Maybe this all should have been planned.

„You know,“ Levi gritted, still in body language. „I thought you might felt pushed into a corner by me asking you about coming here, but. I guess it was me putting myself in a weak place, too. I will do better next time. If you even want to bother with me. But I am offering you a second dinner…“

„Really?“

„I was being subpar,“ he began to comb his hair back in place. „That’s not what a squad leader is supposed to do. In practice, if it goes wrong, I just try again. You thought I’d give up? Correcting things and disciplining my body is my entire job. I have to recompensate you for being a shit mess. You did perfectly fine. I fell short but I won’t in the future.“

Well… phew. No major animosities. You could just attempt this again. Now you knew why Levi was promoted so very quickly, and remained the number 1 around here. You were just surprised.

„You… you’re taking your professionalism into private life a lot, are you… I admire this a lot.“

„Yes. Because even here,“ he gestured at the room itself, „the perfectly cotton-candy-harmless world out there can quickly fucking break in. I cannot allow myself a pause, woman. Much less be lavish.“

„Yeah, I. I get why.“

„Or risk the humilation of an unsatisfied woman,“ he bit his lip, comb back in the nightstand. „If you’re some shifter titan and eat me in my sleep for this, all the training in the world is useless.“

And he was funny, too. You’d never expected Levi to be so hilarious by the way he’d glared at the rubbish in your front yard, furiously shovelling each speck of dust into his bag.

„I’m not… dissatisfied the way you think, but. I do want to come back,“ you smiled, and not very subtly. „I’ve got another coat to repair for a client tomorrow. But I’m free the day after.“

„Come to the mill and conceal yourself, then. Same hour.“

„Okay.“

„Promise you won’t shift on me?“

„No. I would have killed you the second you showed up or inside the tunnels, right.“

„Good to know… Guess I’m not dead yet. I will be there earlier to watch out for these crap-filled goons that stalk you.“

„Thanks for… removing that unsavory individual… I don’t usually go to that place. Probably just another day for you.“

Levi only huffed, as if you could take it for granted.

„That’s my job, woman. I train every day so the population can feel a semblance of safety. I’m not saying threats can be eliminated completely sometimes. That’s why we live in a shithole. For fuck’s sake, if we get titan alarm you better stay in here while I’m out. At least Hange taught me to try and enjoy a private moment as long as I can. This… was one of them.“

„I just hope I don’t distract from your duty, Levi…“

„No titan sightings as of lately. So I figured I need to grow the hell up and quit the bottle for a weekend instead of loading myself up with booze and spending my time kicking Eren. If you were an inconvenience, I wouldn’t have invited you. I am the inconvenience to you. Your work is not a failure. Unlike what I sometimes do. Or fail to. It’s not like I can figure it out like sewing a pocket onto a pair of trousers and do it as accurately as it needs to be done.“

Levi’s head sunk.

Somehow, you didn’t dare comfort him. Those were problems you could never adequately grasp. Saying „it’s okay“ would not be a fitting bandaid for Levi’s obvious grief. You messing up a garment could never compare to Levi’s loss. Besides, you were too shocked. What to even answer? So you let him talk.

„Thanks for the company. It wasn’t too bad. Doesn’t seem like you‘re a spy from beyond the walls or something, as far as I can tell either, tch. You can take some bread from the cupboard for your own purposes. Hange brought too much as always. They think I should eat like a noble. Well fuck that. I’m not draining resources. Food isn’t what fuels my body.“

„That’s very gregarious, Levi. I’m not spying or anything.“

Damn, he made you shy.

„Take a tea pack while you’re at it. That shit black blend I got a week ago is so acerbic. You’re the one staying up at night to work. I gotta fucking sleep. Titans just soak up the sun and to haywire.“

„I can use some tea. Any maybe company as well. You’re free to visit. We can sit in the garden house again…“

„Tch, I can see why the barracks here are not that suitable for lovemaking purposes. I’ll stop by when I can and when you’re not preoccupied. Just make sure we aren’t seen. I can only come to your house when the sun is already down. Any bad neighbors?“

„The blinds will be closed by sunset… the neighbors are more terrified than dangerous. Especially after the attack that almost trampled us. The bad apples are where Mister Heinzmann‘s tavern is.“

„Oh, fuck that place. Worst beer, and worst people overall.“

„You can safely use the western route and path through the tanner’s houses to conceal yourself. The tanning business doesn’t operate during usual hours. They know they’d attract Titans later in the day with the leather smell, nor can they check for proper color of their goods at night.“

„Then I’ll see you coming through the west path, long as the street kids don’t throw stones at me to check if ‚I’m really that strong‘ again there.“

„Stupid… I’ll scold them the next time someone brings me a shoe to fix in exchange for a potato sack rag.“

„Most people assume stones wouldn’t hurt me, so, thanks. And it seems like you treat those kids better than I do fixing their stuff for free. I’d be too busy yelling at them to go home and use the stones for stacking up the fucking walls higher so I can discharge myself from this shit job and work as a street cleaner already.“

„That’s your dream job?!“

„Yeah. I sometimes fantasize about it.“

„That’s very admirable… but why would someone like you, I mean…?“

Levi was too familiar with the street life, that was your guess. And hell, he would be good at this job.

„Come to think of it, I already keep the streets clean by fighting Titans as far away as possible from here. Meeting up like this did what I expected it would. I want to work even harder to make sure nothing breaches through. I would hate myself if Shiganshina happened again. Too many mistakes, over and over. Even Erwin’s best judgment doesn’t help on some missions. This world we inhabit is just too fucked up.“

„I hope I could make this night a bit more enjoyable at least…“

„Don’t worry about your performance, woman. Worry about what I do.“

„Captain Levi – Don’t see this as something to train for… I asked if you enjoyed it.“

„Yes. And next time, we will do it face to face.“

„I… I also crave more. I just hope nothing happens.“

„I’ve seen anything go down in this hellhole. I try my best to look out for you and everyone else here. You working people are much better than us douchebags at the Survey Corps. And compared to the Military Police, you’re beyond saints. It’s refreshing not having to spend time with idiots. That’s the real reason I invited you. I’m tired of all the incompetent, dirty, wimpy fuckers I have to be around. I really can’t do this anymore. I feel like we just make it worse out there. But I have to find my resolve. Too much is at stake.“

And that was by caring about someone Levi could respect.

And at that moment, loud yells went off. The night had begun.

 „TITAN!“

 Levi, in a lightning burst of putting on his tall boots, pulled you in to what must have been the most fervent and close kiss that you could think off, grabbing the back of your head.

It was fast, and he was gone in five seconds.

But only after imploring you to take a piece of parchment that he had written on.

„Read it!“

„Levi…!“

„I’ll put my heart into it!“

And then the room was empty, and the noise was blaring outside.

 You’d expected Levi to just lock you in, but no. He wouldn’t restrict your freedom in a golden cage type of way. Instead, of course, the first instruction on the paper was to close the door fully if there was any commotion nearby. And that’s the first thing you did after feverishly reading the lines.

 1.       Lock twists clockwise two times in case of emergency. Stay inside until you hear of Erwin returning.

2.       The kettle is slow and hard to keep clean but you can use it.

3.       Food supplies are hidden below a trap door under the kitchen table. If you run out, ring the emergency bell.

4.       There‘s a large gun under the bed. I’d rather know you use it than not.

5.       Avoid Eren.

6.       Dust the ceiling and scrub the plates you use. And the bathroom mirror in case I don’t return soon. Soap under the sink.

7.       Titans are for the Survey Corps. Don’t go out just because you’re curious how much they stink and steam. I will take you to your house later on and do my best to keep it standing.

8.       If you are in a tight spot regardless, call out for Mikasa. To be honest, that’s the only person I trust you to really help in a bad situation.

9.       Don’t touch my gear. You can take my blanket if you’re cold. The fireplace is fine for you to use. Shower after so you don’t pick up the smell of the smoke.

10.   I will clean the toilet when I come back. Just don’t shit too noisily to attract titans.

 In case I don’t return soon. Or at all. That made you gulp. At least you were a little safer here than in your house. Unless Titans were smart and had the Survey Corps figured out, and attacked here.

You shuddered. And took the blanket. It smelled really good.

As the noise disappeared a bit, you put on the kettle. You wouldn’t dare go home right now. The commotion just moved elsewhere.

  People did shout of Erwin’s return. Still you didn’t move. You stay put, you just wait, you told yourself.

The kettle was clean, you’d tried your best. You didn’t eat past what you needed, not to deprive Levi of valuable resources, especially the bread. Only the apples had seduced you quite a bit with their sweetness, so you hoped you didn’t take too many. But, hey. Your worries were bigger than that.

Levi’s voice was loud and disappointed, shouting at trainees. Damn, he was so angry. You could hear that someone put the others in danger by a costly mistake. Erwin audibly calmed him. Sent him off, handling the rest. Hange made light of the situation, saying nothing except a few scratches were the result, so it all worked out. Levi still grumbled how the attack could have been approved and conducted in a less risky manner.

You respected his reprimands… Levi was concerned with safety, not aggrandizing himself.

After the scolding you expected him to barge in with those heavy boots, to grit at the table, ranting, toiling, not knowing where to go with his anger.

But nothing of that happened. Levi only knocked.

„Still in one piece,“ he seemed to refer to himself. „Still there, tailor, are you?“

„Levi!“

„I will briefly shower… Not compromise you with my current state.“

„What?“

„I’m reasonably fine, alright. I just don’t smell like fucking roses. I’ll be there in ten minutes. Put the kettle on, we can have tea. I will prepare the rest.“

Reasonably fine. Okay… That didn’t sound too much like clarity. Could be bad or good according to Levi’s standards.

„You’re not hurt? Seriously, I’m worried!“

„No… no injuries. My shoulders just hurt from carrying this shit operation,“ Levi started to huff, clearly disgruntled in tone, not even bothering to speak silently so others wouldn’t hear that slight of the tongue. „The Titan fucked off eventually. Missing two arms and three toes, so. Let me just wash this goo off.“

Phew.

Kettle goes on the stove, then.

„Okay.“

„And prepare to get a foot massage. Because I need to relax my fucking hands.“

 ---

Furiously cleaning, his mind wandered off. Levi really hates finding out he breaks so fast. Especially after he positively lost his mind when you took his virginity in an absolute breeze. He’d have to ask Erwin how to make you come. Because he didn’t really now how, and that irked him. In prostitution, they faked it, he’d seen that. But nobody really told him what to do in order to have sex that did… well, what? What was the physical purpose for him in that? Others had their reasons. Power, partying. But that wasn’t Levi’s kind of aim.

In a walled prison island where everyone has sex drunk to forget it all, Levi had just dared the opposite.

He did it because he was drawn to you. It was a fixation. An image.

 He had to be honest with himself. Someone got emptied like a tea cup in one scorching go. Even you could see his tunnel vision afterwards. The way he brushed the hair out of his face, totally drained. And you thought you were having a real high. This guy was pretty stoked by how an orgasm with someone else felt like, and that scared him a bit, too.

Turns out the soldier with a closed heart wasn’t so averse to feeling pleasure and connection at last.

„Guess it takes two,“ Levi grumbled to himself, scrubbing through the bathroom with a mop that already looked cleaner than the floor tiles themselves.

You did suspect he had plenty of heated potential as an adrenaline sex junkie, though. As did he. Levi knew of the battlefield frenzy he was capable of. No way that didn’t carry into private matters.

Long as that didn’t hurt anyone, he was fine with it. He was confident in keeping you safe more than he was secure in keeping you. Levi already prepared for you just going back to sewing and cursing him an amateur, not returning for the second try, if he managed to live up to that.

He kept on replaying all of this in his troubled little head. There went Humanity’s Strongest, squeezed dry and knocked out on his bed.

After a mere four minutes of getting a still generously slow ride, by his standards. You could have milked him even faster, Levi was sure. It was actually quite merciful. He’d seen violent sexual acts that both people hated, and that was not one of them.

But although you liked his moans, and were more than happy to enjoy yourself on top, Levi on the other hand simply couldn‘t really stomach his early tap-out that left you high and dry. That’s just not what Levi Ackerman does. His whole body was designed to last through the most intense of circumstances, right, and look out for someone else. Not his own needs.

That’s why he was so shaken. You’d thought about his pleasure, and pulled that sensation out of him. Levi was so indebted. He wanted to be the one at service. And he was always good at that.

 So… why couldn’t he handle this situation. Why.

 He really thought being with someone intimately was not as challenging as facing a forest of Titans grasping at his cape. Guess he was mistaken. This needed preparation and resilience, too. He wasn’t a tavern gangbanger doing it limp on five bottles. As with all things: He wanted to do it right.

Fish found way outside his usual waters here.

Levi despaired over his poor performance. A greedy, inadequate mess, that’s how he saw himself.

Was he actually a „poor pretty little thing“ the way his imagination pictured you pitying him leashed, on his sorry worn-bruised knees? Even his usually constricted fantasy suddenly rebelled. Against his shortcoming and lack of clean execution he’d displayed there.

Levi wanted to last at least twenty minutes or more.

Seemed like his skin was a bathroom tile that could be scrubbed successfully, but what the body did on the inside was a parameter that was much harder to control. Maybe he didn’t eat right.

He said things he didn’t mean and, developmentally, felt like he was no superior to his Survey Corps trainees at last, the very tavern gangbangers he hissed at for missing practice hours because they were hungover. Even the youngest of that folk talked about sexual stuff openly, although not in his presence (…because he’d threaten them with dusting duties).

And he was totally behind.

Forgotten. Hated, revered. On a pedestal and on the ground. One encounter couldn’t possibly be enough to get a human experience with someone. He was as lucky as he was needy. And that was so not Levi. He feared you’d reject him. Or be so dumb, he’d let the sex got in the way when he was far too busy guarding the damn island. That didn’t sit right with his morals. In fact, he felt like an asshole.

 You brought this situation about.

Just wait to see what she wants, because clearly, you don’t.

I’m figuring this situation out like a mission doesn’t work. Just because my shit body had an impulse and my mind is going crazy. First time I’m not equipped for something.

Feed yourself to a Titan already, Levi. That’s less difficult. Not exactly less painful, but, who cares.

At least work on providing a better next night for her, you horny piece of walking gunk. You’re just trying to drain your balls and wind up draining two people, just you wait.

You should be busy training and looking after cadets, right. And whoever else is up to no good so they can be whipped into the shape humanity needs.

Silly thing they don’t listen to you anyway and just avoid your bad moods. Might as well be here with her and work on, well. What exactly. Doing things others do? It’s got to be more than that. Otherwise I wouldn’t have visited her, right.

And still I fear that a luxury like that i not for me. I’m a soldier. I have no time. No nerves. My life is already wasted, for the most part, let’s be fucking honest. Because I’m wasting other people’s lives, that’s what I do. Fuck up my missions. That’s why. We barely progressed fighting the threats over the past year. I’m surprised I don’t lose my mind on the daily. Guess my arms move on their own whenever I fight. At least I can rely on that.

Unlike another part of this supposed iron body.

You’re not even decent-looking enough to walk around with her, Ackerman. You total gremlin.

And pin a target on her back like that, too.

Keeping her inside the barracks here is a real dick move as well. As is letting people know you’re with her as soon as they realize someone walked into my rooms.

I’d be ridiculed for being so desperate and unprofessional, damn. Fuck! Why’d you do that? Animal. „Just show up at her house and ask her to come with you!“ How strange. I must be a lunatic person.

At least I made use of the hours I don’t sleep. I can say I had a woman over now. Great. Is that the achievement? I did it because I am fascinated with her, so?

I didn’t know I could look up to someone this way without it being my superior.

Maybe that’s idealizing my bad situation right here. Hundreds of soldiers down and I do responsible things such as this.

Does she even want that? Being here? Just because you’re way up the hierarchy at the Survey Corps, she stays and takes her clothes off, because you’re the Captain, and she followed the invitation like I would follow an order. She likes you because you can sustain yourself and clean up and have a name on the streets. And you’re decently muscular, even if you’re not that broad. Nothing more. Right?

I hope she’s not terrified.

She didn’t even get what she hoped for in that bed, did she. Probably not. At least I managed to shave and provide some food.

Maybe that’s all I should do for her. Just be a male maid.

That stupid Titan fuckface just had to ruin it for us completely. And I’d be naive if that won’t continue. But I have to finish what I start, shithead me. In all things. That includes taking someone to your damn combat quarters and having them sleep right fucking next to your ODM gear.

If anything goes wrong with all this… I’m so done for. I knew why I didn’t do this before.

I have to make sure that… Well. This is all far to complicated, is it.

Did the shower even get everything off? Am I smelling right, or just well enough to be here with her? I don’t think she even deserved any of this. It just went that terribly. It felt like I used her for a quick release in exchange for a full stomach. I hope I looked at least somewhat decent to her. How’d she even give an old guy built like a child a chance. It’s not like guys with knives are that attractive.

If you are so obsessed with her, and your bond thing does its thing, why do you not seem that compatible to her, huh? Wishful thinking again? Since when are we dreaming instead of acting?

If I were coaching myself as a trainee and this was a camp, I’d fire myself instantly.

It’s not like thinking about these things makes me a more worthwhile fellow to hang around with.

The fact that this Titan was extremely strong doesn’t help.

I can’t even tell her that my ankle hurts like hell. Did she see me limp? I have to hide it.

One more problem. On my endless fucking list.

Maybe I should shoot myself like one of the military police officers who saw that Titan coming. Or deliver myself to Zeke and call it a day. Just suidice mission-myself into the next best base of the enemy. Giving up’s pretty easy, is it. Caving in.

Or, I’ll ask Erwin to intervene. And shoot myself later if that fails.

Am I supposed to do all of this or not?

I probably like to humiliate myself. It’s not like Kenny raised me to interact well with a woman.

Maybe I should strap Erwin to a torture device so he keeps my secret under wraps. God knows if Hange finds out. Even if she instigated this idea. Damn four-eyed science clown… always dragging me into the fun stuff that’s not so fun after all, tch. I got laid, so what? Is she gonna celebrate? And why?

I’m not happier than before. Just as burdened as ever. With a new added difficulty in my life. I’m just glad someone bothered with me without looking like they idolize Captain Levi to the heaven and back.

I guess despite everything, I really wasn’t born to do all this. I think a woman might just be too precious to put through all this. Next time I’ll go to the narrow streets in the borroughs and then find myself a guy behind a bar to just bend me over. I don’t care much if it hurts. Maybe I deserve that. To be a chunk of body waste. At least I made someone happy there. It’s no use if I can’t get her off.

  The bathroom was already past the stage of „sanded down until the toilet gleamed in a sun-like quality“ and Levi’s arms, if they’d been human, would have fallen off at that point.

If he was honest, and that was his mode of being anyway, he wanted to offer more than just get K.O’d „like a useless chump. I’ll have more darn breakfast, that’s what I’m saying.“

Seductive as your grinding game apparently was, Levi felt like every vein in his face and neck had popped, you’d never seen him so pink (now that’s an image). The helpless low „ah‑“ and „nnh…“ groans were nice, sure. No one´s ever heard Levi cuss this way in their life. You’ll never forget him gripping the sheets, laid out on his back, legs no longer obeying his command. If a simple reverse cowgirl already struck him down, you figured how doggy would probably kick and kill his virgin ass. Pretty sexy.

You weren’t surprised that Levi felt a lot of sudden pleasure. Not because you were arrogant and considered yourself the best lay of all time. No, you simply knew he was heavily familiar being connected to his bodily awareness in his line of work, if you could even call it work. It was such misery, in fact. And as soon as he felt a strong impulse outside of that, in a heightened state of stimulation, of course he’d be confused and overwhelmed, pacing about the barracks the morning after.

Erwin immediately saw how preoccupied he was. Levi brushed it off rather insistently.

„None of your business, tall fucker.“

Levi had long dreaded that state of overwhelm, but… he really wanted to see you peak, so badly, he just had to: And set aside his darker qualms. Fear or blockage wasn’t something he was supposed to have. Especially dealing with people he really wanted around.

Most of that had been genetically, no, physically drilled out of the heads his ancestors held courageously still for the sake of progress in war technology and all heinous Titan ‚science‘. Engineered to protect the royals, a bodyguard wasn’t supposed to have shaky hands, right.

The experimenters didn’t quite consider love and arousal, though.

Because Levi definitely froze a couple times when you sat on him and did your thing. In a dumbstruck yet smitten way at that. Maybe that reset his system, huh. Into a state of:

Even more turmoil.

But he didn’t put the blame on you.

He just blamed his cock, threatened to chop it off if it misbehaved again in the mirror, and called it a day. Period.

Wow was the reaction of his weary evening brain, seeing how amazingly your body, your inside core, your stretching lips sucked him up, and took him in, and got into motion with all the slip and slide that Levi had long dismissed as dull, stupid, dangerous, lowly, unclean, shameful, and so not right. Turns out he really loved it.

A bit too much, but… he just—

 Levi stared right at you with his mouth open for a minute, didn’t he. Mumbling, „so that’s what it’s fucking like“ to himself. Sly, you’d chosen a position where he could be himself, your back comfortably facing him, but you heard his silent gasping. And you thought this guy had to be the most relentlessly, skillfully aggressive man in bed. Throwing you around.

Nope. Levi retreated into his shell. Funny how his titan powers didn’t extend to sexual matters, in fact.

He assumed he just wasn’t himself because growing up in brothels screwed his head up when it came to sleeping with people.

Given how the blood of the Ackermans was designed to lend a steadfast nature and boundless bang for the buck, that would surely be a ‚bug‘ in combat, wasn’t it.

At least he knew how he could be exploited now. Not by you, at least as far as things transpired. But… that was definitely a problem area a soldier should not have.

Now he realized why his squad simulated sex chaos at the tavern so much. It was also combat preparation. Who couldn’t stand it wasn’t fit. Levi hated that type of thinking, but it had some truth to it: The most vulnerable body parts could be entered through body openings.

It was resistance practice. Survival banging. Or whatever it was.

Something Levi found crass, and dirty. But they all did it. The higher the powers, the more debauchery. Eren was the worst offender. He’d do whatever. He didn’t care.

Levi didn’t want this to be about fighting, still. This was private. Matters of two people being adults. Getting their rocks of, sure. Distracting themselves, fine. Loving another, hopefully. But treating sex like warfare did not sound good to Levi who had seen the most intimidating brothel visitors wreck several girls who stood no chance in one night.

In his head, they should use that against the damn titans, not penniless 14-year-olds without defense. Even Kenny had agreed those guys were monstrous psychos. Not to mention a danger as a whole. Levi refused to loosen up his spine about this. He had no intents to abuse you. If he didn’t want this inflicted on his own nude body, why’d he go apeshit on someone he felt responsible for? Being cruel and sleazy was something the fucker Zeke would do. Levi did not want to know what this guy pulled off in his sex life. If a comrade was dispensible, one‘s exploits were, too. That was the way of the world.

 His first time turning out the way it did… further mixed up the thoughts in his head.

And damn, he’d worked himself up for over three decades. That spiral of negativity at least ended with a loud groan. Only to pile on more emotions.  

Hell, he deliberately requested you turn away from him because you shouldn’t see „how the filthiness of my dirty actions taints this moron face I have right here“, but he later admitted to himself that you would have reduced his lasting time to a mere minute if he’d seen your breasts.

Which he was particularly obsessed with. Levi cursed himself a beginner. That didn’t change what he dreamed about.

He’d be everybody’s punchline if that information hit the streets. He trusted you to not say anything. The harassment by drunks would never stop. They’d probably write a song about it in the taverns.

„Levi Ackerman likes breasts! And we thought he likes dick! Next time he rides by, everybody undress!“

Yes, he’d be fazed by that and spout insults all day. What about it.

 The funny thing was. Levi had no problem being the object of your horniness. That’s just how „other people work“, rather worryingly excluding himself from the idea of lust. Even though he clearly experienced it strongly.

You weren’t surprised he came across more passive in bed than people probably assumed. You knew damn well this guy would hold nice and still to suffer more than Jesus. The stimulation was just too much. And he knew he’d hurt you otherwise.

If Levi was active, the bed would quickly break, your nether regions would fly through the ceiling or fall out like the teeth of Levi’s opponents at the last bar fight, and Levi himself would probably fall apart himself within the blink of his pretty grey eye.

You noticed Levi was neither confident in moving („My hips are stiff and old as shit!“), nor did his brain register the necessity to do so. His focus was simply very much elsewhere.

Levi wasn’t that old, at least on paper. His hips could snap like lightning if he had to. Probably not sensual rolling. But for a couple hundred jabs at close range, robot mode, metal finger grip on the shoulders of his partner, relentless pace and ruffled hair? If he had the stamina for it, and love wasn’t involved, no competition there.

You knew he could give it to anyone he wanted, and viciously. If Kenny hadn’t intervened and Levi had become a prostitute himself instead of a street kid with a rusty blade, the people frequenting him would be the ones paying the price. And then he’d probably get beaten up. And he’d strike back. And the establishment would kick him out. He could break the backs of 6‘5 men and tell them they deserved it for soliciting him. If his clients were female, the entire underworld would queue for `Mister Ackerman, please‘ just to feel something.

But no.

In that moment, Levi was just too jammed up in a wet-warm spot inside a person he had some real grumpy heart eyes for. He had no incentive to go all out. That was reserved for other things. He was already tired out.

That one area of his body was just too impressionable, and it was his first time finding that out. Kind of made him lose his mind. Like he was hilariously angry at himself for feeling good. His face got all scrunched up.

 Since then, Levi realized where the sensitive part of him resides, as he would put it. He hadn’t properly masturbated before. Too raunchy for him. Just an annoyance. Maximum dirty. He didn’t even know he was allowed to do that until he caught Connie doing it for fun one day.

The fact that he allowed you to get inside those black pants was a miracle to begin with.

After seeing the state of things, he wanted to train his endurance as he would with a subordinate and not let you down eventually.

Which… resulted in him running this shit like the navy all of a sudden.

He is a military man, after all. Scheduled sex is sterile to most, but with Levi, sterile sounds like an aphrodisiac: And his madness comes with surprisingly forthcoming, but organized methods.

In his strategic mind, he tried to figure out the time of the day when you could be most turned on, and planned to adjust „the schedule“ accordingly.

He doesn’t care if that’s his favored time to get horny or not. Probably better if you have a head-start, he thought. Being Levi, he’d usually shower-shock-freeze his morning wood within seconds, not wasting valuable time. Begone.

Also: Levi knows he has no idea what gentle really is, so he won’t be hands-on, period. Levi’s clothes are indestructible since he infused them with starch while ironing, and his battle gear resists even the most obscure titan claws, so, according to him, you should just go ahead mercilessly. Rip it off.

What was he going to do if you sat on his face, pass out?

 Levi barely ate anything these days. Little did he know his lack of appetite was called: Butterflies.

And people who fall in love aren’t famously well-known for minding their hunger. The iron rule of hormones over the priorities of man. Even Levi was not immune to that.

Exception: He did devour a huge slab of bread with mild cheese and butter after you’d left his quarters. Guilty pleasure food. He’d never slipped like that before. His brain went through everything that happened erratically, and even shut out the loud CHEESE IS TOO DECADENT TO EAT YOU PIECE OF SHIT that would usually rage in his mind. It was actually quite sexy how he devoured the bread with all his martial zeal, you should have seen it.

  Eventually, Levi even consulted with Erwin, trying not to come across as foolish as he felt. Actually, Levi rather inquired about „hmph, this safe sex thing“ as he stoically addressed the Commander, basically threatening Smith to spill a the secrets within the confines of his office.

Under the guise of wanting to give some sex ed to his soldiers already.

No one could afford to fight while having a baby here, STI outbreak immanent, decay of decorum, et cetera.

 Being a man who’d seen and done a lot, Smith benevolently walked him through the tips and tricks and pitfalls, fully aware that the advice did not apply to anyone but him. Erwin could see the way Levi blushed and got defensive. Pretty suspicious, wasn’t it.

So, Erwin laid it all out. All the principles. In a magnanimous way, knowing Levi really needed this, and definitely shouldn’t fuck it up with you. Erwin’s life wisdom would prove to be so crucial making Levi really go for this instead of shutting down or cancelling the date. Because to Erwin, love was a chance, and a little spark, and something that had to be handled carefully, as long as one even had the chance.

Erwin made it crystal clear that even Levi’s very seared heart was strong enough to handle this already, and he should focus on making you happy, even if it was only temporary, as a better approach than nagging himself to death. No more barking and gritting. That inner critic had to fucking pause already. Fucking hell. The critic protected Levi with its keen perception when he fought Titans, but being with a woman… that was beyond counterproductive, so Erwin strictly warned the Captain.

„Even if you feel the impulse… Don’t criticize anyone,“ he reasoned. „It has no merit other than creating resentment in the heart.“

„Well I know about that. Tch.“

„And don’t be rough. It goes against your ways, Captain. I know that. But you’ll lose her if you treat her like a street dog.“

„That dog might just be me, Erwin. Get real.“

„Just do your best to look after this woman without thinking of her like a cadet. A private matter needs private ways. Especially in our line of risky work.“

„Hm. Understood. And it is private.“

„Indeed. Prepare her for your case of death if she stays around. She should have a plan when you’re gone, too. And money, since you can afford it. It’s not like tailors are paid the way we are.“

„I will consider setting something aside.“

„Good. Anything else, heichō?“

„…I’ll rip out your tongue if this conversation ever happened.“

Knowing silence.

And Levi was out the door.

Briskly shutting it. Erwin arranged a pile of paper with a mixed expression. The advice had been proper. Erwin was content, at least, knowing his directive could help somehow. Levi’s willingness to learn in those matters was already proof enough.

Although he knew that you were probably more at risk than Levi, even if he was exposed to absolute terror on the daily. That worried Erwin. Seemed like Levi really needed someone to comfort him through the sleepless night if he did something so reckless. And judging by his behavior, you’d already been with him, and liked the Captain. Otherwise, he’d just drown himself in chores and curse instead of bothering to waltz up and ask about a topic he always rejected in discussions.

Why the sudden change of mind?

 What Erwin suspected was true. You wanted Levi, you wanted intimacy, you were ready to be skin on skin in a warm bed and clenching on his cock, you wanted to be attached to him, you were fixated just like he was, you wanted his addictive presence, and there was nothing bad about it. That was the real priority.

„Well, she’s counting on you to show up. Diligent the way you‘ve been… you can do it, Levi.“

Since Levi, being subject to a history of extremely volatile body experimentation, already knew he’d wound up infertile by instinct just like his childless uncle, and maybe that was a lucky thing in his position, the only thing he seemed to worry about was hurting you and whatever disgusting disease his graphic mind would conjure.

The reality was, it had been in King Karl Fritz‘ vested interest to have his experimental subjects under tight control, dying out eventually if persecution didn’t wipe them from the earth.

Making reproduction difficult for the Ackermans, especially the strong male kinds, meant keeping them at bay, on a close leash, and leaving new bodyguard supply to the Titan scientists themselves, controlling each variant. Everything else? Was considered going rogue. Or making the lineage impure, cognizant, and worse, less obedient. Or even… independent.

Children helped to band people together, striving for a place of their own. A royal guard should be on duty, not tend to kids. And a soldier should not be tied down following a higher goal.

This warrior class of bodyguards was made to strictly stay on task (which is why Levi was so surprised that he developed interest in you, which felt like breaking out, and thus panic of repercussion). And look scary. And be strong. Powerful eunuchs. An idea that sent chills down Levi‘s spine. The Ackermans shouldn’t be able to find proper partners, either. Kuchel, Kenny, Mikasa, it was a curse, none of them did. And if they attempted to mate with someone of their own choice, that person should be repulsed, or try to avoid them. The scientists tried their worst to program that into their guinea pigs with random methods. Levi could see that their efforts had come to fruition when he looked at Mikasa pining for Eren. Levi was rather shocked that you liked him back at all.

His theory was that you were so different from him in all regards, his programming didn’t even register you. But the human part, that one liked that idea of polar opposites. He was drawn to how caring you were… Levi had not experienced this for over 20 years, especially because of his reputation and actions. Which had all driven any realistic suitor away.

 In a bout of sarcasm, Levi sometimes asked himself out loud if his loose mouth served that purpose.

Maybe, some human remnant also activated inside of him when you told Levi you wanted it. Not cries and cradles. Because that was the point where something in him wanted to fold up your dress and… well.

From behind. The primal way. Levi had nothing against the idea of a front view, no. The opposite was true. It’d really rile him up. But the moment of seeing a woman bend to grab a basket had fully taken Levi’s sex part of the brain. He was just too curious. All his shit job was: Going out there, doing it, repeat. Why not work up the courage to see you? Despite all, he managed to invite you, right.

He booked that as an improvement to just killing his boner almost every miserable 4AM-shower and hating how that felt and worse, looked. Fuck. If his body was telling him something, he was supposed to suppress it and limp-dick-soldier on?

Not if he had a responsibility for you.

Someone who carefully made the equipment that prevented him from getting cut up a million times could not be ignored and cast aside. Your contribution was important to him. He liked the armors you made. He was inside of them all day. Even slept in them.

It was the only barrier between him and the noxious hell world. His own personal wall-like garment. Made for his measurements exactly. With attention to detail.

Utterly priceless.

Now he’d understood why you’d been so impatient in bed. He’d suppressed his own sense of urgency to really connect with you. Levi felt vindicated he had the guts to approach you, and he managed to clean your street, but he still needed to catch up.

If you found him attractive, which he planned to ask you again, then he was willing to let his age-old guard down. Levi wasn’t exactly proud of himself, so. He did what Captains do and that’s called improving the circumstances, as terrible as they are.

 ---

„Levi!“

„H-huh?!“

Your head appearing in the door frame snapped Levi out of his spiral. For better or worse. He almost had a heart attack.

„You’ve been cleaning the same spot for fifteen minutes…“

„Hmph, so what! It’s spotless now!“

„And you keep on limping… you’re standing very strangely!“

„I‘m not! Stop watching me!“

„Don’t be so rude! I already rang for the Survey Corps doctor… He’ll be there in five minutes.“

„You WHAT—!“

Levi dropped his bucket. Thankfully, the dirty water didn’t spill out. Otherwise, he would have hit the floor, too, probably unconscious.

„I used your voice through the speaker thing. He really thought it was you calling him, so…“

You wouldn’t blow the cover.

Someone was already approaching Levi’s room with a heavy walk that could be heard across the quarters, in fact. You bet the medic knew that if Levi called him, it was bad.

Levi couldn’t really react and get up well to prevent it because his foot was indeed swollen like a dozen hornet stings.

„Geez… Well… “

„Just go to the bed already,“ you grabbed this cleanly ball of misery, and you damn well could carry Levi. You hoisted heavy men’s coats and fabrics and wool and coal and wood and food and stones and sacks and water around all day. This tiny guy was nothing to you.

„Oi, oi! What’s this?“

„I’ll just stay inside the wardrobe and you discuss it with him.“

Levi had no other captainly choice but to be deposited onto his chamber’s bed as the footsteps approached.

Well, he secretly enjoyed being carried. He just didn’t expect it.

You slipped into the orderly wardrobe, silently, knowing it would protect the two of you.

Yeah, it was pretty nice in there. No moths, neatness all around. Everything smells like Levi. Top tier tailoring on those uniforms, so fitted. Even if his sizing was far outside the norm, he really wore the best of the best. You aspired to make men’s clothing like that all across the board.

What transpired in the room, however, was not so nice.

As soon as the doc left, and you had heard Levi being quarrelsome and an overall tough patient, a bandage had made its way onto his right ankle.

 „Landing after that maneuver fucked up at least two shit bones right there…“

„You chopped a huge Titan to bits. I guess that’s a fair payoff, Captain.“

„These fuckers can’t do it without me,“ he clenched up his fists. „I’ll go out there with crutches in the air if I must. You shouldn’t have called the damn doctor.“

You only shook your head.

„You can’t help Erwin by walking on Wall Rose in slow motion, Levi. You’re fodder at best. At one point, you’d have to land again, you know. Your sense of balance is all wonky this way. Zeke will eat you for lunch.“

„Oh, Christ, don’t mention that guy.“

„Yeah. And you will wait until it’s healed.“

Silence.

Air being huffed out.

„Guess I’m the one who has to wait in here now,“ he rustled in the sheets. „If you even want to keep my company. You can leave me be if you don’t want to see my misery. Just know that if you tell anyone…“

„Hush – I know.“

„Fine…“

„We can still have sex, you know.“

„Tch, don’t make it about that!“

„You’re the one who’s blushing.“

 ---

Levi rejected visitors. They shouldn’t see his weakness; the enemy would exploit it.

He occupied himself with extra paperwork instead – it was done more meticulously than anyone had ever managed to do so in the history of the island. The second time you spent together much improved his mood.

However, since he knew he had some forced downtime now, he limped into Erwin’s office late at night at one point. Not to discuss his ankle. He knew he’d just stick to coordinating people from afar next time an attack hit. Or shoot some long range weapons from a concealed area close to the headquarters.

He’d do strategy now. The others were told that he was on leave for something classified and the doctor visit was just a vaccination needed.

His concern was a different one. Levi had no insecurities about continuing to fight. He’d done battle with the worst injuries already.

He was only worried about his responsibility with you now. You looked after him. He felt like he had to be less of a burden. And not be your task. He already compensated you for missing work with his own money. But he didn’t want to see you exhaust yourself. Or be behind on your sewing.

 Erwin was gregarious in his second lesson, which Levi didn’t want to end. Because there it was, all the wisdom he was looking for. And given during a busy schedule at that. But Erwin already knew what Levi was going through.

The fact that he didn’t drink anymore, all of a sudden, already told the story. And especially when his foot hurt like hell? Sober Levi? Not numbing his pains? Highly unusual.

There had to be something else that currently eased him. And that miracle cure was called hormones.

Of course he’d taken someone home again. And it was the same person.

 Erwin elaborated quite a lot, Levi pacing in the office with his limp. Until Erwin told him to sit and rest emphatically.

 It was all… insightful. Another perspective on life. That there was more to it than duty. Erwin was very ‚been there, done that, three times‘. Although he didn’t put it as coloquially.

And, being understanding, to the Captain’s surprise, he didn’t scold Levi for going out on such a limb, either. He knew that impulse striking a person without regard to any consequence. It shouldn’t be a matter of discussing professionalism, since Levi was down as a soldier now anyways.

He knew Levi wanted to love… and be close to someone. But without risk. That was the age-old problem Erwin knew almost too much about, even though he was intensely private.

As Levi recalled the story of you carrying him (upon Smith really pressing him about it), Erwin was certain you had a strength to carry that risk.

There was no way judging Levi either.

30 years without a private female partner, really? Erwin saw the eye of the captain looking at men once in a blue moon. But Levi daring to ask a woman out without managing to make her run away? Things were dire. Erwin expressed to Levi that it was risky, but smart to choose someone outside the Survey Corps instead.

„I just fear that I can’t—“

„With all due respect, Captain. The loyalty to your soldiers shouldn’t be confused with something intimate. It was good you didn’t choose a person with a tenfold daily death risk.“

And he really had a more or less hidden thing for women anyway, Erwin knew that. Levi’s stunted way of interacting with them gave it away. He was still fucking traumatized. Not by women, but by what they were going through. The only soldier raised by hookers is what the police taunted him.

But raised to be cleanly. Even when he dealt with men, he appreciated the opposite sex more than whatever many guys were doing in the barracks and taverns and streets and brothels and on the battlefield so recklessly. The standards Levi had for men were fucking astronomical to begin with.

Even if getting with guys all the time could be surprisingly easy for him, as Reiner once said as a supposed joke.

Because of his combat prowess, Levi had all the qualities many inclined men would find attractive. Erwin clearly observed that, usually in passing. Levi was hard candy for anyone who laid his or her eye on the shapely captain. The men went crazy for Levi’s muscles and the haircut, his dark demeanor, his strict ways, and handy stature.

Levi could’ve bent himself over for half the underground, bare his toned behind, his pale soldier legs, and the offer would be taken without hesitation.

Thankfully, he despised bare sex, so Erwin didn’t have to worry about Levi catching terminal diseases. But the effect was there. Riding through town turned many heads when the Captain was out and about. And not just because he was so famous and crucial to everyone’s survival.

Erwin knew that Levi had no concern for relationship stuff unless he was really on board with someone, so… that he went to you was a crazy twist, and he wanted to make Levi get this right at all cost, not half-ass the advice. Erwin was quite invested to not lead the Captain down a wrong path. Especially given his fervor.

Geez, the stories in the bars about Levi were just brutal.

And not just the ones where he beat up countless assholes almost every month. Sexual details were… rare, but if something about intercourse was involved, they were cutting.

For instance, someone said that Levi paid a guy unprompted after getting fucked to avoid looking like the receiving party, a callboy, or the one giving out the favor. The man thought it was hush money, but Levi clarified that it meant he got what he wanted.

Since then, more guys tried approaching Levi whenever he came to a tavern, looking for that Survey Corps Captain dime. He repelled them, denying the story had ever happened.

There were also long-standing rumors that Levi had sought out a dishwasher guy (oh well) that was certainly on his radar when he was 27, somewhere in a desolate back alley in Trost. Wanting the taller man to take it out on him after a comrade fell in battle due to a defunct cart. But as soon as Levi saw how „insufficiently shaped and groomed“ the 21-year-old man was, the cuss-out was one for the ages. And the dishwasher was humiliated for life.

Levi yelled that all this wasn’t even worth the cadet who died and how could he. In a blind fury, Levi slammed a nearby wooden cart into a wall with one ferocious kick and left.

The cart disintegrated into a thousand pieces. He paid for it the day after, but avoided the man, clearly sorry.

No one knew if the story was true. But it was believable, or at least illustrated what the Captain was all about. Levi didn’t stop being Levi when the pants were down, Erwin thought. Damn, he judged guys harshly in general. Smith was surprised that Levi didn’t strangle him to death yet every day.

Another reason why Levi might have taken the big leap to being with a woman, Erwin reasoned.

He had problems with either sex, but no closer experience with girls besides emotional bonds, so this was pretty big anyway.  

He had all the reasons, in fact. Levi worked well if he knew there was „another person“. Petra used to be that, and Hange was a pillar to him currently. Erwin had keenly observed this silent string that the Captain sometimes extended to someone he deemed capable and rather opposite to him in some way.

Only to have that string ripped from his cut-up hands.

That’s why Levi sought out Erwin’s insight. He knew it would happen again. He was beyond antsy, and ready to give up, too, should he have to. Because danger was everywhere in this infernal pit of nothingness.

 Everyone had assumed it was a Titan-free season until recently. If he’d been busy, the Captain would’ve never come to your house. Or would he? Levi answered he would postpone the matter and follow duty first „if it was fucking reasonable“, but „attend to those matters when he could“.

There it was. That was more planned and deliberate than Levi admitted. Not a moronic whim.

Also, Erwin knew Levi was lonely.

Chugging alcohol and heavy tea like mad.

Never sleeping.

People stressed him the hell out.

He was unhappy with his appearance, checking every mirror with a defeated frown.

Not a millimeter of his face was left untouched by his recent regimen. Levi hated how he aged.

Viciously, he kept pushing his exercise routine to the limit.

Worse, twelve Survey Corps members were injured, struck down with wounds that made Levi’s busted ankle look saintly sweet.

And Eren was always causing trouble. Which in turn effected Mikasa. Which in turn made Levi work several fronts at once. He was so fucked.

All that contributed to a tremendous overload for Levi that Smith already saw.

It had to go somewhere.

And that ideation landed in your lap.

Erwin knew that Levi got caught off guard. When you were there, no yelling could be heard in the barracks. Whereas when Levi ‚talked‘ to whoever was the fucking issue at hand, people cowered in fear at the level of volume, because Levi really wanted to make it right and with might. Otherwise, nothing got done. With you, that wasn’t needed. Levi talked normally.

 Of course you’d turned his stubborn head when he saw that dress of yours, and your dutiful way of life. A seamstress was an accurate person. Everything the Survey Corps was currently not. The point of attraction was obvious.

Although, Erwin was sure that if things were running well in the headquarters, Levi still would have looked at you. Because he didn’t nag about a single body detail of yours, something he usually did with all of the people around him („Eren, fix your outfit! Wearing rags won’t make the Titans afraid of you. Guess you tall psychos do have a drawback. All the regular clothing crap won’t fit you.“). Nobody was left unscathed. He did this 24/7.

So, Erwin concluded that Levi was VERY happy with the way you looked. And enjoyed the physical aspect.

Otherwise, he’d flood this conversation with complaints about the damn woman, yap yap yap.

Knowing how exacting Levi was with details of bodies to a graphic detail especially. If he saw one nose hair, he already recoiled.

He seemed to really like adore, then. That’s what came with an Ackerman being attached. The plummeting lack of discrimination. Devoting themselves to someone they treasured.

Erwin saw how Mikasa would try anything for Eren’s love, going out of her way more often than not. Since you seemed to reciprocate Levi and didn’t even want to leave his rooms, and asked for sex instead… that seemed more ideal than whatever Eren was doing with this poor girl bending over backwards for a speck of tainted affection.

Damn, Erwin felt bad for Mikasa wasting away like that without any brakes to pull and no action in her sheets, either, which she constantly lamented when she drank instead of discussing strategy plans. A soldier this strong, and still, Eren brought her down with those games of his.

Erwin knew that private matters shouldn’t be swept under the Survey Corps carpet where too much dust had already collected. They could impact what happened on the field more than people assumed.

Smith didn’t want Levi in a situation like this, which also endangered it all. So he encouraged the Captain, and not dismiss it as trivial. Because if Levi fell prey to a maniac because of an Ackerbond, which could very well happen with a wrong person, and he’d be manipulated? All hell would break loose. Erwin was relieved he fell for a girl making clothes, not someone who was involved in any combat or politics. Someone closer to Levi’s social caste, anyway.

Obviously King Fritz, creating the Ackermans, didn’t want that bonding to work and last. The guard clan would gain independence and freedom if it did. So if a rare match worked out, that situation had to be seized.

Erwin didn’t want anything tampering with his strongest soldier. Things were hopeless if Levi got played and killed in his already lacking sleep. If someone terrible seduced him, he wouldn’t be experienced enough to free himself and probably harm himself instead.

 But you didn’t seem to manipulate him, you weren’t fazed by his ways. Levi could be open with you, he protected you the way he should, and there was an incentive for the two of you to be intimate. If that had more positive than negative effects, and if Levi’s instinct was finally balanced and consummate, so be it.

That was none of Erwin‘s business, anyway. But Levi was too chatty and direct now. When Erwin heard him shamefully admit that he even made out for the first time in his life and he didn’t understand why, the Commander’s eyes got wide.

Levi despised the idea of human bodies, and tried to distance himself from immediate reality with cleaning masks and gloves, so. That he was fine touching you and even being inside of your body, especially while sober, was not exactly Levi‘s comfort zone.

For a regular person, inviting someone was more or less something that didn’t deviate from social mores. But the amount of sexual inhibition and mental blocks a man like Levi would have to bypass to do all this was staggering.

 The Commander surprisingly told Levi to enjoy the fleeting moments without trampling anyone’s boundaries, since he saw the positive impact of this encounter on the Captain (sex could knock him out to finally sleep, for instance). Something the Ackerman didn’t even think about prior to that. He thought everything was suffering and endings and violent despair, did he. So, Erwin showed Levi to take it as a chance, and leave his upbringing behind for a while. Many things could be adressed later.

„Make the best of it… Do it with full intent. Don’t squander care. And for heaven’s sake, don’t ever put a woman in your life in harm‘s way.“

„Don’t tell me–“

„You know why. Titans never care that you do. Don’t make her join the Survey Corps, either. And don’t ask to meet up in shady locations. Do I really have to say this?“

„Tch… I learned that lesson quickly. I’m not gonna make her join, I can tell you that. I’m not that type of sadomasochist, Erwin.“

Smith was just making sure. He could also see that Levi was invested in harm reduction here.

Otherwise, he wouldn’t have shown up. Unlike Erwin, Levi could compromise.

„And if you are sure that this is a woman present in your future, you should not hesitate to get close to her and enjoy the little time available to us. Just don’t expose her to violence at every possibly opportunity to do so. Even in a profession like yours.“

He got that one right. Levi was satisfied he didn’t meet you with his bloody armour and came to you showered instead.

At least he did something correctly.

  Boy, did Erwin read the questions out of Levi’s conflicted face.

Legs crossed, the Commander took his time. Levi being this preoccupied would distract him on missions. Was this a public alert? Who knew. Could an Ackerman bond cause troubles? Absolutely. Should Levi’s foot heal fucking faster? Even more so.

„Something here… has to be mitigated.“

That’s how Smith put it.

He couldn’t just tell Levi to dump you and make him forget about „being a better partner to someone“ just so the Captain could stay the fortress that he usually was. The other Survey Corps members had the same going for them, so. Why not treat this as normal?

Levi should get his chance to grow up and not wallow in the past, or in his room.

Why was this even a fucking discussion?

I mean, Levi thought it was. But, objectively… it was private. Or was it.

„There is a political dimension to this, isn’t it,“ Levi crossed his arms. „What do I fucking do about that, Erwin.“

Even if you were sent away— spies could still find and kidnap you to manipulate Levi into going mindlessly berzerk whenever the enemy thought it was leverage to them.

Levi was the strongest asset here.

You, not being an ODM-trained soldier, were the weakest.

Yes, even if you could lift Levi bridal style like he was a delicate princess.

You had no experience with titans besides almost being trampled.

A weak link in the chain couldn’t be ignored. Both men knew that. Levi wasn’t being inexperienced when he inquired about those glaring gaps in the Survey Corps security system. He thought about this from a battle perspective.

He’d been obsessive enough to smuggle you into his crazy ass bunker. A place no one besides him should ever enter.

If his head messed with him like that again, who knows.

If someone attached themselves to you and your trace throughout the town, leading you here? Erwin’s plans were cooked.

The Commander had even asked Levi questions that would disqualify you as a spy, and asked him to observe your moves outside the barracks. Levi had some real mixed feelings about that one.

 His real, late-night anxiety originated from something else entirely.

Zeke had already taunted – or tested – him about whether he was popular with the ladies. He got the hint. Levi could not be controlled. Or struck down. But the people around him. Zeke was too devious. He knew how to devastate Levi by attacking his loyalty to others, with psychological means. Not even in another life would he respect this literal fucking monkey business. Zeke really thought this world was his jungle, when really it was the ugly zoo, if not the circus, and Levi would train his ass to sit down.

But if he wanted to do that, Zeke should have nothing to grasp at. Period, over, and out.

Did Yeager put some naughty love potion into Levi’s favorite tea to destabilize his bitter enemy with constant boners and heartache?

Levi had to check for that. At this point, any tactic was a tactic for people like that. Zeke even knew how to infuriate him with an unkempt, stinking beard with food stuck in it, all while flexing his stupid height. So why wouldn’t he use a love potion. Totally reasonable paranoia.

And hey, he turned into a giant ape throwing rocks as a whimsical hobby.

Levi was terrified that you fell in that guy’s hands. Or the Beast Titan was within your reach whenever he was busy. Whatever was coming.

That drove him insane, too. The other side had a lot of unpredictable aces up their sleeve. And stupidity. And material. And ruthlessness. Zeke was a psycho of the first order.

That’s why Levi pestered the Commander so much. He knew the bearded shitpile’s way of strategy.

Prevention was better than being endlessly sorry.

Levi learned that.

He had no interest in coming home to seeing your shop flattened by a horde. Or you as a titan.

 God, those images in his mind were awful. Without meaning to, Levi kept on tormenting himself with them.

 He didn’t want to cut your freedoms, he was okay with his being limited to shield you, but you both felt too attached.

Erwin already suspected that Levi had formed an Ackerman bond with that mysterious woman he was hiding before he could even think. He‘d already prevented your fragile home from sure destruction, and wasn’t even aware his future wife was in it.

Plus, Levi really hated the idea of you leaving his room, making you as comfortable as a damn aristocrat in it. Rationally irrational behavior, as Hange would probably call it.

Writing lists begging for your survival? Shaving his whole body? Walking the secret tunnels with you, even if strangers were explicitly prohibited in there? Cooking when he should be doing paperwork, doing it two times as fast afterwards? Taking his sacred uniform off?

Damn.

To make matters worse: As far as Erwin could reconstruct this, he’d approached you with a request to have sex in the most glaring way… an extremely unwise thing to do in his particular position.

Any young man, Erwin saw that in the slums, who was even remotely born into prostitution… would never seek out a woman stranger as if he was on autopilot. A guy like that was usually terrified for life to do approaches this way, and would do the opposite. Live a fantasy life in his head. Let out his sexual impulse with fights, tackling opponents to the ground just to feel a body. Or drink like crazy, hoping someone would come to him.

Levi didn’t do that. At least not anymore.

The captain asking you to come to his room was even crazier. Classified documents, weapons, gear, food, weak areas everywhere. You could choke, stab, rob, poison him in his sleep or from behind.

Erwin had forbidden any Scout Regiment members to bring hookups to their private quarters for all of the above reasons and more.

That’s why everyone was all about the tavern life.

Levi had broken that iron rule. And not just because engaging in tavern orgies would be like a humiliation ritual to him.

Knowing all the hazards of bringing entirely unknown outsiders here and disobeying a Commander was… treason. Even though Erwin trusted him blindly, and he knew you were harmless, Levi’s bad conscience had brought him to the office.

All while not exactly being known for taking people to his rooms, ever. Actually, staying out of his chamber was the rule that Levi imposed on others.

The weird things his hormonal body did, and Levi had been virginal until recently, really made his brain all jumbled. He was compromised.

 So, there was something a stake for him here. And it was pressing. Big decision necessary.

Levi truthfully reported himself to Erwin, he didn’t cry about it, he was serious.  

Erwin didn’t punish him.

The twice-broken ankle was already enough trouble. Meanwhile, Levi was obviously in mad, horny love. And fighting for it.

 Getting fucked really did quench his desperation, hurt, and emptiness for a little while, Erwin could tell. It wasn’t some biological clock that compelled Levi, interestingly. It was an emotional drive instead. That was a different hunger. He could take any person walking into the HQ, or a colleague much fitter to protect a baby. But no, he asked where he could find you.

Erwin was certain Levi didn’t do all this to become a father very quickly. He would ramble about building or finding a house in a safe spot if he’d want that. Mikasa thought about this stuff out loud once. Not Levi.

 In retrospect, Levi‘s lack of baby prospects was probably one of the reasons why he was such a late bloomer. Levi didn’t want to disappoint someone having to say „sorry woman, no kids for us“. It wasn’t a dealbreaker to you because it was obvious Levi would overexert, overclean, and worry himself to death as a dad, which already sounded less than healthy on paper.

Plus, there was no way the child would have subtle powers.

That kid would already peak out slinging a gun.

Not a sewing needle wanting to patch up some trousers. The Titan engineering of the King put any DNA into overdrive. Whatever Levi would pass down would be unpredictable genetic madness: And you saw how Levi suffered under the dilemma-laden powers he didn’t even ask for. He pitied his own existence, in fact. Kenny’s tragic ways, Kuchel’s awful life. He had no incentive to repeat that cycle.

Even if the baby was only half as strong as Levi, it would be utilized for war. Neither of you would wish for this.

One miserable servant to his own power was already enough.

Besides Levi collapsing if he’d ever had a baby puke on him, you had no intentions to feel that boxer punching routine inside your organs for months on end, either.

The baby wouldn’t do it intentionally, but Levi would be mad as hell anyways (he already trembles with nervousness knowing you‘ll hit your painful monthly cramps sooner or later… this man is very faint of heart and already washed some black cotton cloth that you can stuff your underwear with). For you and a baby, he’d be the most anxiously overprotective father in recorded history and probably give up sleep entirely. And invent the modern diaper. Very romantic.

Not a life and situation improvement.

Especially since Levi would want to be in charge of cleaning up after his kid. Cradle, food prep, clothing the baby, washing, ironing, waking up, everything. And your well-being, too.

It was almost a death sentence to walk around pregnant or post-partum in these circumstances. Titans loved a two-in-one meal deal, Reiner had once said. Levi imploded when he heard that. Cause he’d seen it.

 Can’t do raising kids if the Colossal Titan tries to crush a whole camp you just set up way out there while you’re the one guy that can feasibly stop this monster, anyway.

 You wouldn’t want to be tied up, knowing this city needed tailors desperately, or weigh down Levi with the responsibility of kids in a trap-door world like that, which would only serve as a more than tender spot for a high-ranking fighter like him. If he’s out and about, how easy would it be to use his son or daughter as blackmail or a plain target, or a recruit for the other side, with enough brainwashing.

There was a reason why nobody in the Survey Corps ran around with five sons and daughters. The pressure cooker atmosphere was hostile, raw, chaotic, and traumatic rather than sexually charged, unless alcohol and Jean were involved.

Levi had seen surroundings that were both, in the crime-filled red light district where he grew up. You found it brave how he asked you to be with him and in a sexual context right away. Since you enjoyed it and didn’t want to cause any upset, you also hoped it didn’t bring back bad memories for the Captain, though. Or remind him of that one difficult topic… having a family, in this world out of all things.

Family was a laden word for Levi.

He didn’t see it happening for himself. Not behind these walls. You’d look very attractive while pregnant. Levi had fantasized about it. And you’d be a good mom, no doubt. A sane one. And a gentle caregiver. But he didn’t wish for having a personal clan, especially not with his last name. That was a target. And his clan was the Corps. Soldiers had… reduced variety of life. One goal, one mission. He didn’t even think this would have been possible, going to bed with a woman. Landing there while things raged on.

His brain was still lagging behind, or trying to see way ahead. That was too paralyzing to bear for an action-oriented type like him.

 There probably was a reason why his body could not unite one way of virility with another, if you could call it that. All ‚potency‘ available to Levi, or whatever it was, went to his bodily capacity in the air, and the rest was dormant for life. One worry less, and he was a stauch realist – but it was confusing to be infertile, it was one less connection to the future. That frustrated him. Levi was caught here, only with himself, he thought.

He especially lamented to his morning mirror on the daily that if his stupid sperm was already useless, why’d he still have to deal with it? That was like a lesbian woman with heavy periods, a cart drawn by a mule but without a driver, or a hungry titan without teeth walking into a place with no people.

Let’s say leaking boners at 5AM were kind of a hindrance if the Wall was in flames or whatever the fuck else happened. And it disgusted him a lot.

Fuck off, boner. Priorities are elsewhere.

Boner says fuck you too, no they aren’t. Why keep getting your heart ripped out on a mission when you could enjoy yourself in bed? Ever heard of a self-preserving instinct? Fighting and fighting hasn’t made things any better, has it? Sex is better than getting exploded by a thunder spear.

 Seems like his boner personally orchestrated for his foot to be broken into a gazillion pieces. Bed time, heichō.

„Am I doing Princess and the Pea fucking properly yet?“ was the short sarcastic verdict.

 Levi certaintly didn’t see himself as very masculine and lover-like either, but as jaded as they come. That’s all he knew.

At least, but he didn’t say that to Erwin, he was happy he got to experience sex between two people who wanted it at all, even if he was terribly nervous and unwilling for years prior. If that made him a man or not, he did not care.

He was stunned what skin and skin could do, though. Without bruises and cuts. Women’s skin was definitely something else compared to the leathery, wolf-like, stinking muscle beasts that Levi brawled with at the bar to bring some order to this town like a sexy sheriff, something Kenny instilled in him: „Assholes gotta be put in their place! No one’s gunna do it for ya, young thing“.

Sure – the Female Titan existed, she was strong and all steam – some women could be like that as well. But never to such an odiously bearded degree. Being with guys sexually felt dangerous to Levi with his height, even though he was confident in fending off anybody, and pushed through, in fact. Regardless, with you, he just felt like… there was no need to carry five weapons.

And if you were a spy, he deserved to be poisoned. At least he‘d die at your hands and not Zeke’s.

Even if many girls weren’t really raised to be considerate in this society, knowing the high-stake Titan threat and cutthroat social surrounding, and how compliance never truly worked, Levi still appreciated that you had the manners the tavern freaks did not exhibit. Hey, you didn’t thrash a beer bottle across his head. Hey, you didn’t barf and throw punches. And you had a nice warm scent to your whole body, likely stemming from your work with fabric. Levi quite liked that. He wanted more of it, somewhere, and somehow. Screw the stupid ankle. His neck was fine. You could turn his head all you liked.

 The Captain didn’t believe in having to feel like more of a guy after sleeping with you.

He was barely content with anything at all. To be naked felt like being easy to attack to Levi, and in his eyes, failing to please you by coming undone so quickly meant working harder: Not just as a cook keeping you well-fed, or someone who picked you up.

Which already left Levi disgruntled, he didn’t want to treat you like an escort.

You didn’t really complain since your curiosity of what would happen if Levi got seduced… was satisfied.

Turns out even a little ride could make Levi blush profoundly, but alright.

You made no show about your intentions, either. Busy sewing belts, you fantasized about a nice dinner with intense glances, a little waltz, toppling an embarrassed Levi onto a sofa and brushing his hair back for a stolen kiss. And his heart pounded faster than when Zeke showed up last time.

You were jealous Levi gave everyone the time of the day and handled his enemies more fairly than they handled him. They got to have all of him all day. A call and he was there. You had to wait for his presence. And adapt. Since you had no say.

Levi spending more time with those people, forcibly, because this was war, than you was… daunting.

You guessed that’s why Levi sarcastically referred to his outings as „hot titan dates“.

Which was relievingly funny, until you heard he had to leave five body bags behind again.

 You felt guilty for being entitled, even if Levi was willing to give you privileges no one else had. It’s not like you knew him for ages and you went through thick and thin before.

In his biography, a thousand pages were full and you just showed up.

Probably on the last page given how crazy the titans went these days.

You didn’t mentally prepare yourself for Conrad dying, yet he did. Your time together had been a little dose of bliss in an ugly world. Meanwhile, you knew Levi could be a fatality every hour of the day, yet he always survived, came back, with worse news. And you still lived in anguish. Much more than when you lived alone.

 Was Levi worth it?

Were you expected to play your part?

He did say it was up to you. You could leave. But this was starting to become more than just a physical thing, right.

 Maybe you had to make the best of it, since this guy was tough as steel.

Over dinner, Levi had once referred to himself as a cockroach since he just wouldn’t bite the dust and end his wrecked semblance of a life. He thought it might have been necessary, to now have someone he could have that dinner with.

It was nice to have someone not involved in the Corps sitting at the other end of the table. To you, survival was not a given, no expensive tea was in your pantry, just like in his underground days. To Levi, he deliberately put himself in every harm’s way daily, but the HQ surely had the resources to get him his favorite luxury beverage every week. There was a difference.

So, he felt like he could help you. And share what he had. Not because of pity. Levi would feel bad „hogging things“ as he put it. Why not use the food for someone else? He barely ate himself. Things were scarce for him as well, mind you, but a second person could have their share. A Captain had more than enough to do that.

Otherwise, what kind of leader was he.

Levi had decided he’d lacked enough gentlemanliness before. He didn’t want to enter the books of history as a stingy piece of crap. And well, before he’d run into a situation where he could lose you, he wanted to get down to business and not regret it. It didn’t sound trivial to him anymore. He couldn’t be less than chalant. His head was filled with you, and voices telling him to do his best.

 The problem was, a soldier could never fully belong to their partner. And the closeness to their comrades could exceed their private love because terror and shared pains sticking like glue. With the exception that the rate of fallen soldiers was so high in his squad, he needed to detach himself, even if he felt conflicted.

Knowing what you signed up for, although previously not suspecting how much Levi liked you, his job as a soldier reasonably made you heavily unhappy. Even if you fought against the feeling.

You both knew this, yet accepting the necessary evil of it had been part of deciding whether to go ahead with this. That’s how far libido can go. Anything gets compromised all of a sudden. Really, everything.

Levi was total goo in your hands, and your feet comfortable in his strong, thin hands when he massaged you, although he pretended to be stoically fierce throughout.

He did grind his teeth as soon as he got hard, though. You’d noticed that. And suddenly talked a whole lot.

„Levi, stop glaring with your eyes like coals,“ that’s the way you talked back, and it was fun, seeing him react.

Levi still tried to be all uptight. He didn’t want to be lustful or seem lewd, or come across as a desiring man ready to take take take. That was not his kind of character, or purpose. In fact, his composure didn’t crack until you traced a finger tip across his belly, in search for veiny skin bits. The tremble in his hands betrayed him.

You wanted to fuck the shit out of his perfectly soap-smelling ass, and Levi accepted that. He said to himself, if it’s already hard, just let her do her thing. I scrubbed myself down in the shower for 30 minutes myself with a bucket and a sponge and everything in my cleaning arsenal, and I used tons of water, so that can’t go to waste. She can use your dick however she wants, and then that’s done. Maybe that’s what humans want. As long as no one objects or gets sick from it.

Levi soon discovered he wants the feeling a little too much, prompting his „we will try again“ mantra throughout the next day. You were smug from head to toe about it, at least to a degree the situation delusionally allowed.

 Of course he was inexperienced for many reasons, you thought afterwards. Battlefields allow no time for flirts. Being covered in guts and the reality of life is not too sexy for most people, is it. Who really wants to do what soldiers really do? Not the police, that’s for sure. Nothing erotic about it if you’d seen what Levi saw. Hell, he’d killed men who wanted to get him trafficked around the underground when his blood came to life and Levi finally stood up for himself.

Levi had no real positive connotations when it came to sex stuff. Sex that wasn’t some form of exploiting was a rarity on the island, and not just in the poor districts. It must have meant a lot to him to invite you, not a small feat just because.

You liked his rather extreme lack of indifference, but knew it did stem from overexposure to sex when he was still a toddler. You were conflicted how to handle this, and Levi’s character.

He‘d been immune to any approaches from young girls when he got older, 19, 20 years of age. They were like kids to him. Rejection, rejection, rejection. The older women he considered, but still declined, mostly with a tactic of silent, grumbling avoidance. He did muse about it. They looked nice. Levi wasn’t immune to feminine curves.

Deep intimacy sounded like a gateway to get messed up in his position, though, and he didn’t feel too capable of that as well, unlike with winning a physical fight.

One punch, one person down, and he wasn’t even bald.

Perhaps Levi already suspected that the capacity of his heart was too abnormally large to handle. That’s why sex helped ease him in as a paradox. It’s been a lot. The high of orgasm made him realize a couple things and shut his meticulous brain off for a few seconds at last.

Levi was… not against it. He could trust you.

Levi tasting blood after the first encounter was probably a bad way to put it. He didn’t like blood. Terrible associations. Dealing with grime and fluids was supposed to be his specialty out there, and even then, it wasn’t cleaning fluid, which excited him a lot.

That’s why you both had agreed that period sex was way off limits. Although he was confident in many things, Levi would be rather petrified to fuck you while you bled. Too many flashbacks to the brothel, and to his early encounters with Titans, anyway. You respected his opinion. If he wasn’t comfortable, there were ways to work around it. You were too busy resting, and Levi would be even busier taking care of your abdominal pains with warm wraps and tea. The fucking could honestly wait.

Levi even felt tremendous guilt about the topic of menstruating. You asked why.

„You shouldn’t know everything,“ he said.

Later you understood. He took the pain of others and his self-imposed duty to fix it as the „always stronger person“ very personally. Told you a lot of people dumped a lot of responsibilities and a whole competency complex onto Levi before. And it’s not like the bleeding could be stopped for five or more days. Levi was impressed that you made it through. A soldier bleeding for five days was going through a slow death, so.

From a military perspective, he imagined how he was supposed to fight and survive and do things while his dick was bleeding uncontrollably for days. That’s why he was lenient with Sasha stress eating stolen potatoes, or Hange being all over the place, or Mikasa being more miserable than usual sometimes. What a cruel thing of Eldia’s scientist monsters to not engineer the bleeding out of the female Ackerman lineage to begin with. Useless idiots. If they experimented, why include things that were only in the way? Such as his stupid fucking erections? Hello?

Even Hange’s most ludicrous inventions couldn’t tackle this.

Levi had no idea how Mikasa could fight like that with those crazy ass cramps. If the squad lost Eren, she’d no longer be motivated to push past that. Erwin relied on Levi, but Levi relied on Mikasa more than Erwin wanted to admit. Levi knew he had to step up even more than he’d already done.

Things always fell back on him, but that was what he was made for. And he couldn’t put his responsibilities onto shoulders unfit to carry the task. Unless maybe Armin was concerned.

You‘d kept your expectations for Levi low because of it, knowing he chronically went the extra mile with everything. What were you supposed to expect and nag of him, doing the dishes? Do the laundry, mop the floor? Shave himself without patches? Use protection? Smell nice? Levi did that in his sleep. He‘d probably implant himself new hair with his own bare hands if he ever started getting a recessed hairline.

 You only wanted his warmth, and you knew that was difficult for him during a surface level of interaction. But being nestled closely with you in the small bed of the chamber really does bring out his mumbling softer side after a while. After you shut him up about „I didn’t use enough salt for the peas, but I also didn’t want to waste it“.

That Levi makes up for saltless peas with the gravy of the century remains without discussion. He did talk about how he was satisfied with the rust coming off when he scrubbed the oven (a rarity: satisfied heichō! The gates of hell are closed!).

You went on to silence his ramblings about the petite spider web recently formed in the window with a snuggle, face pressed against your chest so the spider talk would cease. You knew that Levi gained his esteem back from controlling the environment, but enough was enough.

It was his turn to suffocate now after you‘d gobbled down that pile of thyme and rosemary potatoes he made. Levi was a bit scared of you because of it, though he comforted himself that he was used to that with Sasha’s antics. But yeah, the topic of all things oral… not fond of that.

Levi, being the germaphobe he was, initially refused to give and receive oral sex, much as you had expected. A mouth was just too unpredictable, and teeth gave him some major Titan ideations.

His dick could get wrapped up in a condom and you would be protected, but a dental dam was not exactly invented on this island yet, was it. If it was, Levi would have been the horny genius behind it. In his next life, he would be an STI doctor.

He was fine penetrating you vaginally since he figured out your panties lost color in some areas, as if you’d used citrus fruits on it. Even if you tried to hide it, Levi couldn’t be fooled. First, he had full control over underwear-washing. And second, he knew something acidic, much like vinegar, could be used to clean because of its low pH.

„No bacteria and funky stuff growing.“ As if nature had installed something very neat there, so Levi was pleasantly surprised that bodies simply worked that way.

Yes, even with topics of sex, Levi very much thought of people’s erotic regions like cleaning supplies. For the love of his broom and mop, he simply could not help it.

You had to adapt to this way of thinking at first, although everyone was already talking about it. Levi’s way of thinking was always very „dirty versus spotless“ because of his precarious upbringing, and that extended to nudity, and whatever was „in people’s stinking pants, hmph.“ Otherwise, he probably couldn’t bear the filthy existence of sex and genitalia. He’d seen prostitution in full swing. Whatever stain could be scrubbed away would get scrubbed. If your body chemistry would help with that, he was content.

Since he deduced that he was clearly alkaline down there on the other hand, and Levi was a big fan of baking soda and bleach, it all made sense to him. He wasn’t even creeped out. You didn’t understand half of what all of his hygiene chemistry sermons were all about. Levi literally reasoned himself into this theory over the course of years. But if sex could neutralize acidic and alkaline, and he really talked about this like a lab coat professor (did he pick this up from Hange?!), he was willing to do it. The fact that Levi out of all people could be impatient to do something as unhygienic as sex. You really thought you were dreaming.

Yes, the approach was a bit… dry and devoid of regular human passion, save for his temper and shyness, a paradoxical combination. Levi was definitely vocal in bed, and cussed himself out all the time. It was probably similar to a street altercation in his mind, one party toppling the other on the ground, and he had to get used to just enjoying sex without wanting to take charge.

You didn’t demand Levi to profess anything directly, you just wanted his proximity outright, sit on his lap, brush his hair in place, play with him.

It wasn’t exactly like a wrestling match, of course. He didn’t tear at your limbs like a maniac or stab you in the shoulder. But he wasn’t a romantic man, either. Not in his way of speaking, especially. Levi made you food, cleaned you, laid down and let you do whatever.

At first, he didn’t hug or kiss afterwards, nor did it in his sleep. It was just release for two. You could tell he was depressed and pushed away connection out of fear that he could lose it. He turned his head under an affectionate stroke of your hand on his cheek, and didn’t make eye contact.

Damn, his skin was soft.

 You’d known Levi was traumatized, but the extent surprised you. So, you focused on what you knew you wanted out of this, not what you assumed Levi needed, which he encouraged. It was much easier to give him a command, and he did it. Levi didn’t want people guessing what he wanted for dinner.

Levi much prefered a selfish partner. You wanted him hard and aching, you wanted to hear his painful moans, and you both were well aware that this was a service relationship. Kissing him was especially difficult, since Levi was so particular. He drank a metric ton of sweet, old wine to make himself needy and helpless, and then, his eyes would truly gleam at you.

You admitted that felt good. It still made you worry.

The fluttering kiss in this state revealed his soft and feathery side, something that barely matched his looks. But drunk, Levi was so shamelessly obsessed with you, groping everywhere. Around the hips, especially. Fidgeting with your dress, twirling it. He worked you up running his strong hands around your calves, and then removed your underwear without breaking eye contact. Fabric hooked by his mere digit. Damn, that was sexy.

It seemed like he had a natural understanding of how to finger you, edging you to oblivion. Drunk Levi was a giver the way he usually was selfless in the kitchen.

Levi thought positively about your body, unlike the guys in the tavern, or men on the street whistling and screaming when you went to buy bread. He didn’t want this to be devoid of meaning.

Levi once confessed he purposely got so drunk after a tall young sellerman expressed his interest in him, he just threw himself over a wine barrel after tossing the man a condom and said „just get it over with“. Levi said he wanted to give up his dignity and cleanliness for once and get used like a ragdoll, and get off on his usual adrenaline high of masochistic endurism.

However, the tall young man was not extremely rough and even kissed Levi‘s back, which was the real shock to the system. In hindsight, Levi was glad about it. „My ass didn’t get destroyed. It still works in getting rid of my own shit. Imagine if it was loose.“ Sure, let’s get you to bed, grandpa. There went his love-hate relationship with the „gunk-spewing crap hole“. He was hilarious, though.

 ---

To ease the chaos, you showed up with new cheese from the farmer the next day.

Four different chunks, palm-sized. Levi was visibly mad, but served a dinner platter, giving you extra cash („That was a better idea than expected, woman. But don’t overdo it.“). Erwin’s voice resounded in his anger brain, still, scolding him to dial down the critique. The temptation of the smooth cheese texture and exciting fragrances made the captain cave, anyway.

He tried hard not to stuff it inside his mouth the way you did, but he kind of lived vicariously through your glutton joy. Levi wanted you to live in abundance the way it was barred from him years ago. So, he didn’t regret this, actually.

And cheese matched his tea blend just fantastically.

He had to admit that this little bit of luxury made his day a million times better. And that he had deprived himself a million times before.

You absolutely fucked the shit out of him that night.

The speed and passionate winding made Levi question whether he had a whole concussion. A cloud-high Titan couldn’t knock him off the wall, but your walls could absolutely make his heart race. Oh yes, they did. And Levi knew to lend himself to your aggressive style. It seemed like you wanted this, and he could feel alive and involved.

At one point, he sounded like he let go. That surrender was immensely gratifying. And he was hot. Levi had a pretty cock that could take a pounding, that much you knew by now.

The physicality and shapely meatiness of it, you just loved it. Obsessive wasn’t an exaggerated word when you looked at him. Not small like a finger, not unreasonably in the way. The size was molded just for you. Eldia was fucked up for their experimentation with the Ackerman clan, but they sure equipped them nicely. Maybe for image purposes. One good thing they did.

 ---

In full ceremonial tuxedo, an overdressed Levi came to your house with a nice wine and a sturdy baguette, which he proceeded to line with butter and cheese – taking over your kitchen, of course.

No Titans, just meetings, Corps members recovering. His foot was meh, but it was your birthday. No efforts were spared.

You’d helped him dismount from the exquisite horse, which he pretty much protested, and he even had some crutches with him. The horse slept patiently in the shed now as its owner had snuck inside the main house, which indeed has lowered blinds.

Erwin trained the cadets, he was excused.

Levi fumed at his lack of capacity and wonky manner of standing and walking, but got to work in your house anyway. He scrubbed and tidied and found things you’d searched for since the beginning of the year.

 Simmering the baguette in a cast iron pan (now neatly cleaned), the melted cheese made your house homely. Just delicious.

He was dressed so elegantly because he’d taken Erwin’s advice pretty much literally. Gotta make the best of it. And Levi wanted to elevate himself above the status of „a silly little sick man“ as he’d put it. A limping Captain looked a lot less pathetic and more official in an uppity cape provided by his superiors.

He did want to impress with the quality of the grey fabric, silver ornament, excellent collar, and formidable tailoring. Very sleek. You complimented him and he accepted it. Grey suited him. He did take off the cape to cook.

The narrow boots stayed on. After he cleansed them twice after coming in, obviously.

To garnish the bread, Levi topped the meal with pickled tomatos you’d disregarded in your pantry for two years. Many fresh tomatos in your shed, why use the jarred ones? You asked why Levi made such a drama preparing them.

„Nothing gets wasted,“ he clattered with pots and pans in the kitchen, all while handling what sounded like fresh coals and knives. „The tomatos did not degrade yet, woman. I’ve tasted them to make sure.“

„Tell me about it.“

„All this effort to preserve them well with high quality ingredients only to forget them? Tch, wasting food is something I don’t do. Not in a rotten hell like this.“

Damn. Levi showed up looking fine as hell and already preached about the beauty and luxury of pickled vegetables.

Five minutes later, he served the warm, crusty bread cut into bite-sized sandwich chunks, a dark berry jam on the side, tea with lemon, and the famous tomatos literally melted right into the cheese.

„Pompous of me. But you can have the bigger side of the baguette. I’m not working. No energy I’d have to use.“

„Levi, this is the most beautiful meal I’ve seen! What the fuck?“

„I’ll have to drink two bottles of this to forget I’ve made something so wasteful,“ Levi unscrewed the heavy cork plug of the wine with a deadpan humor, preparing a napkin to protect his uniform along the way.

„It smells so heavenly with that thyme…!“

„See. I told you. I won’t scold you for devouring it. You don’t seem to eat properly when you work. There wasn’t even a single empty plate in your sewing room.“

Uh-oh. He’d seen that place. The room of bad habits.

„I get really immersed making things sometimes,“ you already chewed, using your hands to eat, unable to resist the berry smell. What a chef this man was. The sandwich crust was buttery and the inside still fresh, oily, herbal, and full of flavor-bursting tomato juice. „When many clients request items all at once, I pull an all-nighter.“

„Tch. You need to punish such ill-timed clients by delaying their daring requests, and not hurt your eyes so much at night,“ Levi wielded his fork and knife with poise, cutting the bread with utmost style. „I will get you a better lamp for the work room, too. Birthday present.“

The declaration couldn’t even be fought. Levi’s authoritative pose, spine perfectly upright, hair in place, gloves shiny and clean, impressed your sight and senses to a point where you just stared while swallowing. And nodding along. You liked his observant nature, and he wasn’t as rude as people said. You just had to be open to him being forthcoming and competent.

„Thank you… I really need better lighting.“

„Goes without saying.“

„I really appreciate you, Levi.“

„If you knew my past, you wouldn’t.“

Now you stopped chewing.

„Come on. The streets have been telling your stories from the underground for two decades. I’ve heard everything… Not just the made-up stuff. I don’t care if you come from filth. Look at me. It’s no different here. I’ve got a shed for a bunker.“

„Hmph.“

„And the tanning smells are pretty rough during the working hours sometimes. I’m not a thug, but… this town is just vomit-inducing sometimes. I just hope it doesn’t bother you.“

With all the zombie-like people slurring around. Poor souls, really.

„Oi oi, not to worry with the smell. We will take a bath after this. There is enough rain water we can heat up. I have used coals rather liberally to accomplish it... The bath will be ready to sit in once I cleaned the table.“

He planned… a bath? Was this a hint he was horny to see you naked, or?

„You prepared the tub already? Geez, how many things have you done at the same time…“

He just got here. How did he do that?

„If I get impaled and die tomorrow, at least you got your neck scrubbed. Oi, I brought my own soap along. I just bought it fresh. And I will be thorough.“

Was that a threat? How thorough exactly?

„Levi… Geez,“ you laughed. „That sounds like a promising evening.“

„I’ll try my best. Pardon me if Armin suddenly fires a flare to get me on duty, though. Even night time can bring about some… emergencies.“

„Not with that ankle,“ you huffed, nearing the last bite of the bread. „Your new cast looks even bigger.“

„Tch. I would fight a Titan scraping the clouds with two arms missing, woman. I don’t want the Wall to crumble in any way. Anyone assaulting humanity will cower when I use my fucking little toe to throw fifty blades at them.“

Sigh. This dude was the toughest man in Paradis with good reason. That guy Zeke would be toast. Erwin hit it big recruiting this sexy maniac. You really wanted to sit on his lap again… so bad.

The way he sat there, so proper and correct.

And he surely would join you in the bath, right.

„Your service is immeasurable— I don’t know how to be grateful for it. I’m just a civilian.“

„Stay alive. And don’t abandon your dreams. That’s all I care for,“ he sipped some wine, clearly flustered. „Seeing people have to wear rags pisses me off. And nobles in rags, twice as much.“

„I‘ll remember this when I tailor next time,“ you smiled. Plate empty. You eating lots fast was about as quick as Levi eating just a little bit slowly. He did enjoy the tomatos you made the most, though. Even closing his eyes a bit while chewing. He liked the thought of how you pickled them yourself.

As the dinner progressed, the wine stained his lips a full-bodied purple. He drank more, took the bottle to the bathroom, then. Where he could be heard checking the water, stacking towels, all while telling you to wait. The boiling water he’d used to fill the tub now was almost at perfect temperature and had disinfected everything.

Levi then proceeded to the kitchen, clearing the table in the process. He ‚allowed‘ you to go sit in the bath now („But don’t burn yourself if it’s still too hot, oi!“).

„Unless you refuse to share it… which I would understand. I will join you as soon as the iron pan is clean.“

And with that, leaving you dumbstruck, he disappeared.

You did, too, undressing in the heated bathroom that now looked like a different place. He’d rearranged furniture, even. What the hell. The whole setup was actually more efficient and pleasing now. And the coals glistening under the tub. Even the soap was in place already. What did they say, get a man that improves your life? Even the towels were in order.

 ---

When Levi eventually entered, wine still in hand, he stopped to stare. You stood naked at the tub, not submerged yet, wet washcloth in hand.

„Hey, I’m not going in without you. Or have you join when the water is already dirty.“

„You washed yourself by hand while you were waiting for me?“

Levi sounded happy someone thought a step a head, too.

„Come on,“ you raised your brows at him. „You smell like you just showered as well. It’s not polite to bathe without preparation when a guest joins.“

„I did shower beforehand. You understand the principle, I see.“

The cloth set aside in a bucket, you pulled Levi with his wine bottle closer. His stiff posture did not waver, but his expression did. Gently, you helped him put aside the crutch he’d carried along. And wrapped the cast of his foot into a bag you thought was water-resistent enough.

Although Levi wasn’t prepared for you to take off his fancy-ass ceremonial gown without further ado, he still let you. A seamstress could be trusted with navigating and removing all those impractical, complicated layers, he did realize that. Even if he was clearly nervous.

Levi’s terrible blush and zig-zag eyes really excited you. As did the raging tent in those impeccable slimmed pants. He looked pretty apologetic about it.

Fuck, was he turned on and put on the spot like that. Wobbling on his one standing healthy foot for a second. The combination looked a bit funny.

So, you helped him into the bath by, well, carrying him again. Levi cursed under his breath, mainly at his foot cast, though. It was awkward, but all else was suddenly unimportant.

Embarrassed, he chugged the wine, submerged to the chin. Purple-rosy cheeks, hair a bit dishevelled now. Once you made your way into the ‚Levi spa‘, you just soaked in there sitting face to face for two minutes. The heat. So nice. Relaxing the muscles. No more cold feet.

The candle light he’d prepared on the sink cast a flattering tone on his beautiful facial skin. Those fine and small features, rectangular and delicate, paired with those foxy eyes, dark circles shadowed right under. Clutching the bottle, this cute drunk staring back at you wordlessly was a bit of a mess, was he. To break the ice, you took the soap he brought and lathered up a supple foam around your neck and chest, humming, acting like it was no big deal. Shooting him suggestive glances, though.

Levi murmuring in the background of the scene was all too funny. The lavender soap was actual high quality, but still affordable to get. You expected nothing else. It smelled like Levi, so, you planned on purchasing it when you got to the shop that sold those once you ran out.

Just in case he wouldn’t get the hint, you made his hand grab the bar, and helped it guide the soap across the arch of your right foot, barely surfacing from the bath foam next to his shoulder, conveniently.

„Foot massage again? Your mouth can participate, Captain.“

„You want me to suck—“

„It feels nice if you tickle me with your tongue, Levi. I already cleaned them.“

„Fine…“

Hesitation wasn’t Levi’s job. He confidently cleaned up your leg and got to work with both his tongue and hands. What he did was… far from subtle. The combination of tongue work and subtle nibbling sent your hormones into overdrive, especially because Levi didn’t use his eye contact sparingly.

Something so hot about the darkness around his irises.

 You wound up climbing on top of him, Levi half reclined with a towel in his nape (you insisted) not to hurt himself at the bathtub edge. This guy was probably the only man with somewhat smaller hands that could assure you wouldn’t slip. This time, you took it slow, however.

You had to admit this was an awkward spot to be with a sex beginner. Water just makes things difficult. Levi was rather strained, you didn’t want that. And he was cranky that your shins and knees were stark against the bottom of the tub. It… wasn’t ideal.

After a shit ton of „oi, oi, oi…“ and general nags about the situation, Levi made you slide off („A pause sounds better than scraping your fucking knee, otherwise you end up like this old man!“), at least vocally happy the water was still warm. Instead, he proceeded to run a sponge all over you critically, high standards toward what he was doing.

Very efficiently, and very soapy, you felt like Levi would probably clean you a third time when he switched to changing his foot cast.

„All soggy,“ he grimly peeled off the material. „What a quack of a doctor. I’ll be fine without it for today. The wrapping was a good idea, but… the root issue was a botch job, eh.“

Guess the doctor really ran out of material. Or the supply chain was fucked (the default chain on this island, really). Because no medic in their right mind would dare give Levi second-best treatment.

But hey. Typical Levi. The whole thing was black and blue, and paired with the skinniness of his legs, you were worried to say the least. He didn’t care. Levi chucked the leftover cast into the bucket, promising to clear it later (which he indeed did).

„I wish I had your pain tolerance, Levi,“ you very much referred to the times when using a thick needle by hand on a stiffer fabric really grew tiresome throughout the night. The Survey Corps really was a different world.

„What pain? That I have to go back yelling at brats who understand nothing about war later?“

Well, ditto.

 Levi, finished with wine, sponge, and soap, later lifted you out of the water (revenge!), one one foot, and quickly went on to towel you down, then carried the huge tub outside with his bare hands to flush out the water. Just a white towel on, wrapped around his slender and defined hips.

Nope, no carrying buckets there. His foot looked a bit… crooked while walking, but Levi returned stern to comb your hair and fix his shave. Using his pocket knife, mind you.

„I’ll be with you in five minutes or less,“ he quipped, and you left the bathroom to gather a robe. Levi knew damn well you were not finished with him. He was starting to get the hang of it.

 ---

One candle illuminated the rather small and humble chamber of yours, the scent of Levi making dinner still lingering, as did the smell of dried apples. And some leather. And the soap.

One rug, one bed stand, one curtain, one cupboard, one seat, one modest table. The dark woods of all the surfaces were depressing, but comforting at the same time.

It looked similar to Levi’s bunker. He did not live luxuriously, either, except his expensive equipment bumping up the value of his much hated belongings.

You liked your own house. Maybe because its exposure to the open street and Wall proximity showed you how expendable it was.

Let me tell you, this bugged Levi all night.

Stepping inside your bedroom, the Ackerman did not remark anything about it, though. Not much more you had to offer besides this, but, yeah. Seamstress life. You still knew you wanted Levi to exercise you through every possible position all across the room until you screamed and moaned and didn’t let go of him at all. But Levi knew he had to work you up first.

His foot was now mysteriously wrapped in place with his cravat (which really bummed him out, but he wasn’t going to steal fabric pieces from you to patch it up). Levi had shown up at your bed looking brand new and as upright as ever, in fact. His gloomy face in contrast with the dangerously low-hanging towel was a bit… shocking.

With that body? He could honestly model clothing.

Well, he already did. Levi wore the clothes you made almost daily. And that feeling… made you fuzzy.

 In this lighting, outside the hazy foam cloud of the bath, many parts of Levi’s skin looked quite seriously scratched and battered. You knew that talking to him about it would be stating the obvious, and it would probably annoy him. He’d just dismiss it or be even more self-conscious. So, you didn’t mention the scarring. It wouldn‘t change a thing. It seemed like he sustained a new bruise every day. Blue wrists, knees black, brown spots on his ribcage. What a terrible way of living in the Survey Corps, all to advance humanity, two steps forward, ten bloodied back, more often than not.

But it was also his physical frame making him look much younger than he was – you would have guessed a day short of 22 – and the immense clean smell surrounding his hair made a much more harmless impression than his blade-wielding stance on the battlefield.

The fact that he’d carried along cold water for you to drink definitely helped with that. Levi passed it to you with his usual ‚here, do this‘ talk. All of it you chugged down. So refreshing after the hot bath.

 He bothered asking if you were fine with him „just waltzing in here“, knowing it was a step towards ultimate privacy. Your treasured sleeping cave. Of course, you said. Levi’s presence felt right in this room.

You really wanted him here.

 Liberally searching through your kitchen, he’d also brought along a ceramic jug of oil.

To thinly rub it across parts of your skin, you found out, which he accessed peeling back the bed duvet.

He set your robe aside, turning you around and round as you wished, thinly coating whatever area he saw fit with the shiny, silky texture. Damn, he got you going. Those hands gliding across your back. Up, down.

Levi, in order not to humiliate you or get the oil into the eyes and ears, left out the face, but surely had no issues with everything else.

„Don’t be a square, the feet as well,“ he huffed at one point, unceremoniously grabbing them for a thorough kneading. It was a special kind of adrenaline surge having Levi put his bony fingers in between your toes to distribute the oil. Damn, he was daring.

He ignored your horny whines and continued with his duty. Lingering for much longer than elsewhere, those pretty fingers had a fixation with your waist, you could tell. He was quite obsessive… and had a field day taking in details of your skin with his eyes. You didn’t feel scrutinized, however. You liked that Levi took his time.

He paid even closer attention when it came to your breasts.

In his pedantry, Levi was really gentle about it all, however. No squeezes. He was careful. And blushing red. You couldn’t help but stay grinning throughout the process. Levi was really staring at them. That’s what made him painfully erect – the towel was struggling, to say the least. It was his first time feeling so heavily aroused and absolutely lecherous for relief of this throbbing, achy, pining mess.

How on earth did he even keep it together.

Face all stern, yes, he seemed to be a bit reserved about handling you outright, but not about completing the task thoroughly. And with that he did not hesitate. Stroking along your limbs. Levi’s small and compact hands gliding across your ass made you bite your lip. He really just was skin and bone and crazy muscle. You’d never seen a guy with a build like this, much less one who indulged you this way.

You could tell he couldn’t wait to be all over you, but didn’t know how to suggest the next step without embarrassment. Levi really didn’t want to be shamed. Although it was far from child-like, he feverishly avoided the center areas of your body and the inside of the thigh, frowning with another huff as he passed them every time. Levi wanted to do it right and not rush it, practicing patience. Touching your ass was already courageous enough for him, to be honest. He thought it was amazing, though.

All day his hands were in contact with textures clearly not pleasant to the touch. So this, frankly, was something he never thought he’d even be doing.

He tried to mask his nervous tension with a serious appeal, but… you just pulled him down by the damp hair to make this catty asshole kiss you with his tea breath already. Foolish him.

Soon as the cat himself accepted his fate, Levi got his tongue involved right away. And not in a shy way but a my way. Heart-stopping. Your heavy clasp around his head did not loosen one bit while you pressed into the horny kiss… Levi’s own hands were iron tight in the mattress as anchored fists. Jesus did he take this seriously. The clash of lips was quite intense compared to sponges and baguettes, was it.

Breaths… were held.

Your hands were just too curious not to become all grabby around his towel-covered glutes. And those were tight, flexible, and definitely more substantial than his lean silhouette suggested. It was obvious how Levi was popular with many men. He had the cutest ass, and it was made of steely definition inside out. The owner of said butt was visibly flustered being grabbed without a qualm.

„Woman, you really like my ass?“

He broke the kiss.

„It’s not too bad, is it.“

(Groping intensified.)

„Fine...“  

He reconnected with your lips, now finally on top of you. Fuck, this man weighed absolutely nothing at all. You continued, half-smiling into the kiss, to play around with your palms on top of his trained behind and his thighs. He tried his best relaxing it instead of hardening the seasoned muscle of the flesh itself.

God, Levi smelled so good. What the fuck was this guy even about. He had all these responsibilites and he still found time to go out and buy scented products?

He really did have nice skin.

You caressed it.

Slowing it, then, a soft note. Warmth of tongues and hell, no teeth colliding in sight, because this man had the best spatial awareness among the entire population. No matter how antsy he was. He was used to it. Pressure was his entire life—so Levi realized he could manage this, and not look like a flailing fool for once, will you, Captain, oi!

(So much for this poor guy’s inner voice kicking his ass, no just everyone else’s.)

 „Apologies for the failed attempt a few minutes ago,“ he eventually stored the oil away entirely on the bedrest table, visibly mad about recalling the scene in the tub. „I can make up for it.“

„My kind of sexy idea,“ you finally managed to let go of him, eyes on the towel now. „We’ll slip around again if you put too much of this oil on, though.“

„Don’t worry. You’re not going anywhere. If that doesn’t sound too fucking creepy.“

You started laughing.

„Come on, I know what you meant. Just take off that thing already. Please…“

Tugging at the piece of cloth made Levi glower at you with an anxious but anticipating halt, his face a bit shaded… he was beyond hard. And ready to give you what you needed.

Did he think he’d embarrass himself of go crazy if that barrier was gone? Levi was so tense, it was part of the tease. A guy like him couldn’t possibly be terrified of anything, right. It still seemed like a huge deal to him even if he’d been with you two times already.

Levi barely talked. It was different for him in your home.

But, after you unwrapped him, willing to put it between your knees for a bit of friction, adding the fabric of the towel for a freaky mix. Under the guidance of your hands, Levi was putty entirely. And yes, his face looked extremely bashful, but concentrated.

You were worried he didn’t want to do it for a moment before, but his hands around your thighs said something else. Man didn’t lie you weren’t going or slipping anywhere.

And yes, Levi looked nice… you liked what you saw.

He readily leaned in. You saw what was happening. Really did Levi justice. Good thing your knees were slick with oil.

From what you could see, his grooming was just impeccable, it just wasn’t typical for this island at all.

Who the hell took care of themselves that way?

Not too short, not too long, a sparse shadow that was trimmed to perfection. A hairless look would have been predictable for him, but the friction of the armour in combat had to be… let’s say buffered a little bit. And constant fresh millimeter-stubble would drive him insane. So, his intimate hair was about his finger nail’s length. Just short enough to never look ruffled.

He was a bit weirded out by the choice of body part first, but soon found a way to grind himself erratically between your knees. Someone was starting to see the point.

Fun.

Sure, Levi had his own rhythm. The oil helped slicking up the situation. Although you thought knees where just bone, the skin was extremely sensitive. He enjoyed the view, seeing the center of your thighs exposed from a high angle. It wasn’t too bad looking at his abs at work, eiter. His taut and veiny hips, and those shoulders nothing short of masterpieces on him.

Levi didn’t even ask if he could put his scarred-up fingers between your legs. He knew you’d been staring at them. At least six times.

„Yes, go ahead!“

He’d kept the skin of the palms surprisingly soft in most spots where he could apply whatever miracle cream he carried with him (which he also used to smooth out his dry lips sometimes, which is why Levi was nice to kiss), although there were callouses where his blades were usually in contact with his hands. He avoided to scrape you and twisted his wrist into the most impossible tilts… seemed like he couldn’t just reverse grip his swords.

You sucked in air as Levi continued to stimulate you without reserve. No hesitant circling or fumbling around. No bumbling or touching his cock. He got straight to it, alternating hand positions. Flat, pointed, thumb, three fingers, two, four, he did it all. Impressive.

Hange was always joking about how some ‚manually gifted‘ guy from the street hit the spot in one of her last crazy tavern orgies, so Levi took note what women were looking for. Whatever that guy did, he aimed to satisfy you with his hands as well. Rearranging your legs to suit his effort as he went along.

Over his shoulder, bent towards your chest, sideways. It was very much a this way, that way kind of sexual manner, a bit of trial and error, but Levi being Levi, he figured himself out rather quickly.

The way he pressed down on the hood of your clit… this guy was insane. No qualms whatsoever.

„Let’s see how you react to this, huh.“

The way Levi massaged you and kept his finger tips at a mindboggling undulating pace right where it fired you up the most – well safe to say you could feel he was working with his hands all day. The level of dexterity was simply unheard of.

And you thought a tailor could claim being good with their fingers.

Looks like a colleague from the special operations branch had a say in this, too.

You could tell he’d seen people have sex in every way, being raised in a brothel. But since Levi had observed that clients only bothered to use their hands for a minute at best if the prostitute was lucky, Levi would intuit that he was supposed to do the opposite, and draw it out, and not be shy and awkward. Because the sex he’d seen 24/7 was terrible sex. Levi wasn’t experienced, but he knew what he was not going to do. Learning from other people’s mistakes was also a way of starting this out.

He kept going rather mercilessly, although not uncomfortably, for at least 15 minutes until he saw how soaked you were. And then he added another 5 minutes on top.

Let’s say… you enjoyed his way of being rather enduring about this. Cold precision. The patience on that guy was simply crazy. And when it was time, Levi asked to turn you around without much else.

„If you’d like that…“

„Come on. You know I do.

„Well…“

„Except I won‘t see your face.“

Which… was always regrettable, anyways, in all situations. Levi’s most severe features ironically made you cheer up. He was a figure of dark resilience. Levi likely didn’t know just how charismatic that was.

„That can be fixed later.“

„Do it, then…“

Propping yourself up, the suspense made your heart beat faster once more. Levi was machine-like instead of just clownishly fiddling with the packet of protection he’d brought along, no. He was just meticulous. And brief. You really couldn’t wait.

„Please, put it in. Just wrap your hands around my waist…“

„Oi, oi. I want to make sure this is all right.“

Arranging. Posture, angles, mattress work. Sharp held breaths… Then, Levi finally grabbed you from behind. He made sure you felt… a lot of him. Whatever technique that was, you haven’t heard of it. But you knew he had to be inventive in that area of life, he was used to working with other peoples‘ bodies and his own all day, but also had to make his petiteness suit the position.

Geez, he made you squeal.

Shockingly, he used his fingers again as aid, and it was absolutely shameless. Wet, especially.

„Captain Levi…“

You were so hypersensitive basically everywhere. Clit throbbing, body hot and needy. You really had to restrain yourself.

A strategic look in the shaded old mirror behind the door already said a lot: Levi looked great kneeling so poisedly behind you, chin almost dropped down to the neck. You both knew where he was looking.

„Hmph… maybe like this.“

Finally he was happy with how the two of you were positioned.

He dipped in so nicely… you happy-sighed out loud. Oh, Levi, Levi. It was about damn time this happened again.

Levi tried his best to interpret your sighing as something positive. On the battlefield, he’d heard people gasp out their last breath. This was clearly different… sweeter, nicer, relief. And much pleasant. If not pleased.

He asked what he should do, how to „get moving“, if you should want that. In fact, you asked him to just stay inside and still for a little minute, which he agreed to was a good idea.

Getting accustomed. Waiting and breathing and enjoying.

Learning from the first time where rushing it backfired. A little cockwarming didn‘t hurt.

 „Okay,“ you whispered, Levi already getting the hint: It was up to him how fast, to be more comfortable to him as a beginner. He started out.

As a pointer, you told Levi not to push in and out too far and use shorter, closer glides as movement instead. He knew he had to be patient to make you more relaxed yourself, even if you already were to a certain degree (the massage was just heavenly).

And you liked the size, it fit so nicely.  

Unlike his intense masturbation technique, Levi making love was surgical and deliberate. Again, the search for the perfect angle.

Once you were a bit more opened up, Levi did lose patience doing doggy and flipped you around after four more minutes. Not roughly, but with skill. Minimal Levi energy expense. He just knew how to do those things.

„Can’t stand looking at nothing but ass and spine,“ he huffed, blunt as ever, and you knew why. Levi spent his whole day cutting up necks. And a person’s behind was not exactly in charge of a cleanly task. Levi, despite his encounters with men, didn’t seem to be much of an ass guy even if you liked the doggy position with him. But him staring at your breasts without letting his emotions breach was… admittedly much hotter. And the face.

„You like my breasts?“

„Tch… Don’t ask me like that.“

„Yes you do, Captain.“ Because look at you.

Giving in, Levi touched your nipples with his flat index, and started licking them like a cat, likely as a kind of captainly provocation. To rile you up more, to tease him with your words again, because he knew damn well you were correct.

It was tentative, tongue small and sharp and somewhere between shy and daring. Well… someone couldn’t resist. He was too wrapped up in this to even say something.

Regardless, and that just spoke for his athletic nature, Levi bothered cinching your legs around his slimmed hip so he could bend forward. There wasn’t much thrusting, maybe some wavy missionary grinds at random, by instinct.

„Enough face for you? Fucking breathing distance, even.“

„You… Just kiss me, at least.“

„If you request it so directly. I guess I musty comply.“

„You sure do.“

Smiling, you pulled Levi in. His lips had fascinated you ever since your first contact. They were small and full at the same time, but also chiseled, and as strict as the rest of his face. Levi holding his breath out of politeness soon broke after you went past sparkling surface contacts.

That asked for more, obviously.

After some tilting and close-up tongue in depth, Levi however looked at you, zoned-in somehow, and went on to kiss you on the lips as he did before. Perhaps to constrain himself in his usual manner. Those soft and sweet lips. So loving. You felt seen, you felt like he gave you time. He paid close attention. He really loved you. Levi was so benign, and giving. The kisses, very kind. Levi was incredible. All you dreamed of. A relief.

 After wiping his mouth on the back of his hand, that is, trying to dry his lips, he seemed a bit reserved. You didn’t think he’d gone too far. But he probably found it too intense, or not something a hygienic person would do… or the moment had opened his heart up quite a lot. You suspected it really was the latter.

A need and a dare had just overcome him for a second. But seconds later, he was back to lip on lip very innocently still. Levi didn’t want to kiss you like he was a hairy drunk man with a beer belly, paying you with two bucks and the crack of the belt. There had to be a distance to that world. He was not a dirty man. He saw how much his heart had raced when you both parted your lips. That was dangerous, but not in a war way. He’d sunken into your body deep enough already. And that tied him to you a lot. Levi shivered a little, even though he wasn’t cold at all. It was amazing to him, too. He enjoyed it. He set himself aside for a minute.

He was comforting with his lip’s tender focusing on you, which went on. Almost too gentle. He didn’t want to make mistakes. You liked his deliberation. Featherless kiss.

That also came with Levi being an adult man. Your former lover had been part of the young guns in town, passionate, agile, and still below 30 years of age. Although Levi did not spend his time very gentlemanly in women’s beds before, and this really was another first, he had a certain mysterious dignity.

He was mature about this. You admired that discipline.

And his thing for your breasts was pretty sexy, too. He kept sneaking a lil‘ glance.

After a thousand town cat calls by randoms that all seemed to be aimed at your behind, this was a bit unusual for a guy from here, though. You didn’t see your ass all day, with your own eyes, as obvious as that was. You only saw your chest, and that made you feel like you had more control and sovereignty over it. Maybe he could sense this. Knowing where your area of confidence was. So he leaned into that.

Levi touching you like that was extremely erotic. It’s like he knew you wanted to feel his dark hair brush between both breasts. So that’s where he placed his head while his hips lifted, then came down accurately, pressing and moving, but not past any resistance of your muscles. His nose clearly poking into the skin of your sternum, a point where you could feel his trained breath. Was that sweat on his forehead? You didn’t tell him. Only watched the droplet disappear in his perfect brows.

Fuck, this guy. Did he know he was attractive like that?

You liked what he was going for, no matter how improvised it seemed. Levi understood that just pounding away at any angle wasn’t an enjoyable or feasible thing to do. He spent his entire day beating and cutting up flesh mass in all shapes and sizes, in repetitive manners, and that was dull, bleak, haunting, not to mention the most humanly awful thing one could possibly do – royals and military police should try it instead of him for once, and see how far they’d come, and how quickly they’d regulate it more. It really pissed him off. He’d much rather be here and see nothing but chest, alright. But the damn Titans.

He cast out an inner prayer that they didn’t attack right now.

If they did, he’d be back in seconds, so.

 All Levi wanted is that you felt something, even if it was only for the short time you both had, and that you had a reason to even entertain a guy like him. Something should warrant that. He wanted to be good in bed. Not to brag, but to do what he came here to do.

So, he intertwined himself with you in a half-sideway position, rotating, and really looked you in the eyes. Firmly. Pinning his own hands in the pillow again. It was intimate and made you gasp a bit, to say the least.

„What do you think about sideways?“

„M-hm, go on.“

Damn, this guy really had a crazy presence to him. You hadn’t seen anyone like it. Maybe you were too excited to think clearly, but Levi came across differently than the people on the street. Maybe exactly because of his upbringing.

As delicate as he was hard.

And not in a pugnacious way, the way people probably expected him to be like in private with a woman.

The strong shoulder line, the rose-like paleness of the cheeks, ultra dark hair, and the famous greyish eyes. He was extremely beautiful, even if no man had ever aspired to be built like him – men always wanted to be like Erwin, showing up at your shop requesting coats that resembled Smith’s wardrobe if they had the last bit of money for it. Those clients even asked for a haircut like his, even if you didn’t offer barber services. But Levi, he was too different and elusive. No one asked to look like him. And that’s what you found so fascinating.

In trance, although not lacking control, you simply stared back.

There seemed to be quite a few mills grinding in his head right now.

Then, he let it out.

„I… You see, always have to do the dirty work. Always. The fucking dirty work. I guess this might be one of the days where I get to do something nice. I just hope I’m not enormously useless at this, tch... Or useless to you entirely.“

„You’re not. No, Levi.“

„Then… I want to make an offer.“

Levi seemed to brace himself, looking down, lips taut. He felt the need to slip out, even, composing himself, propped up on his underarms, as if doing pushups. He sort of seemed to loom over you there, but pondering.

„Yes?“

„I’ve been thinking about all that. It’s just. This shitpile of a place is far too dangerous in the day-time. It’s right in the line of combat, especially as of lately. I would have to lie saying you shouldn’t be in the headquarters for shelter. At least for the nights. The creatures out there don’t seem to get any smaller or less vicious. My door’s open if you’re the one knocking, alright. I’m just fucking saying. I don’t want to insult your strength. But humanity is not a match for what’s out there. I’m a soldier. I must think like this, and in advance. Otherwise, a mistake happens. You should be in the bunkers.“ Can’t you see I’m too worried. And I want you close.

„Levi…“

You were totally speechless.

 Why was he so invested? Sure, Levi had no intentions putting you in harm’s way. Why’d he even let you into this staunch bastillion of high-end soliders, though? Wasn’t that illegal as fuck?

You realized he had an attachment to you that was much unlike what you felt for him, as a commoner with a Survey Corps VIP guest in her bath tub. You only knew him as a famed soldier that came to clean your house, a tailoring client, and he had a great body. You liked him. Levi mesmerized you. All of his character and physicality stood out. But if you thought about it.

You didn’t think about how titans could stop eating him. Even if that was his prime risk at work.

Yes, your brain had shut down during the attack, you weren’t supposed to handle or stop all this, that was Levi’s line of work.

And the worst that could happen to you while sewing would be a pinched or pricked hand, not a lost leg and 10 dead comrades.

Yet, Levi went above and beyond while all you did was enjoy the good bits.

You felt shameful not thinking about a way to protect him, too. Then again, nobody could best this man. A feeble concern for Levi would be misplaced, and disrespect his profession, and his reputation as well. It was not your place. Your task was to make sure he had clothing that did not fail.

Perhaps you’d already protected him that way— You had done your part long before Levi even got here. That was a small solace, then.

And he was dreadfully right.

„You work a lot after sunset, don’t you,“ he continued by asking. „Most of your customers only dare go out after the daytime titans are gone. I can escort you back here in the evening myself after coming back from work. I will have some safer doors installed in your shed and shop entrance, too. Their current state is fucking inacceptable.“

„I’m just. Do you really want me to live with you in the bunkers? Just like that? Isn’t that a lot of extra work and time?“

„Don’t doubt my word, woman. This isn’t coming out of nowhere,“ he said. „Food and drink are provided. I see you are easy to clean up after, compared to some freaks I know. So, granted you don’t fucking thrash my rooms, it’s better you are safe in my quarters. You can sleep here or there once the threat is gone, I don’t care. As long as you’re not getting trampled, you see my point? Answer me.“

That last part he said in a rather military style of talking.

It shockingly appeared like you were part of Levi’s strategy now. There was room for you in it. In all urgency. Something you’d never anticipated. You were used to people not giving a singular fuck about you, to put it mildly. Unless you could be oh so handy to them. Life as a tailor was endlessly alienating. And not much exciting purpose seemed to be woven into those pockets. Especially considering the reality behind the wall. So, you knew a way out when you saw one.

„Yes, Captain…!“

“I would never neglect my responsibilities as a soldier. But that extends to the general population. I’m not throwing someone to the wolves after they’ve let me in… I’m not that fucked up. And not my damn uncle. Someone’s gotta do better than him. I’m not the type of person who visits someone outside of the HQ, either. Or a pig who becomes a slave to feelings and other people’s bodies. I’ve only been with some damn men because I know they can fend for themselves better and don’t make my fucking worry my ass off as much. Except that wanker Erwin of course, but in his line of work... You know what I mean.“

„Sorry…“

„Anyways. Listen, that’s not me calling you an incapable person. A woman is just much more of an easy target. Or not… because she might be less reckless… but I have to follow my calls towards humanity, and that applies to a woman in my life, I’m not fucking spineless. Learning from mistakes is all I can do. And just so you know. I’m not a damn crazed type of person like some of those public orgy-fucker colleagues of mine.“

„Hey, I didn’t say that!“

„If you want it when I’m free and out the shower, that’s fine. That’s when you wait for me. But I offer a place to stay because this is the right thing to do in our situation. I’m not looking for us to be some sex on demand slot machine five times a day like the little shit Jean is moving. Or Eren.“

„Five times a day? Who does that?! Well, we’re not doing that, obviously. I don’t need it 24/7, Levi. And orgies sound pretty intimidating… I have no interest in that. Especially not in public. I prefer being with you. This Jean guy, or that Eren, um. I don’t even know what to think of them. If someone invites me to a tavern, I just decline. It’s not my world.“

„Good. We share something,“ he nodded. „Because I’ll regret letting you stay here in this polluted fucking tanner slum. Unless you cause chaos in the barracks that impedes our task, obviously. You have to promise me not to disrupt our process. We have enough bullshit going on. Every minute of the day.“

Uh-oh. That did not sound good at all.

„Levi! I would never,“ you blurted out. „There’s so much at stake with the things the Survey Corps does. It’s just… why would I even deserve this?“

„Because you need it,“ Levi’s tone became devastating—he felt so strongly about all this, looking at you with icy intent. „The bunkers are the best hiding spot around. I’m surprised you’ve even made it this far… Shit. People rely on you for a necessity, I guess. But Titans don’t give a fuck about buying a nice cape. Those walking dumpster fires will step on your atelier and just walk on steaming.“

„It already happened. One of them stomped the east wing of the tannery.“

„See! I want to prevent this from happening. I wish I could grant all people a better spot in hiding. Although just neutralizing the threat when it approaches is the smarter solution. That’s safer for many, or at least a lot more, and dangerous for few.“

„Dangerous being an understatement,“ you muttered under your breath. Levi pretended not to hear it, probably for his own peace of mind, if there was any left.

„Also… the resources are scarce to carve out more shelter spots. You are part of that resource.“

„Me? “

„Because you make protective clothes for builders, not just uniforms. It might be a tactical improvement when you’re on site. For armour fixes, too. That doesn’t sound very romantic, I know.“

Levi was crazy informed about what you did for a living. With all his daily trauma, he still bothered to know about the commissions going on in your studio. That was honestly baffling. He’d paid maximum attention when he came here, did he.

„I… didn’t think about romance, either. I… didn’t allow myself to do that. Because you’re out there and you’re, you’re fighting, and. Thought you wouldn’t have the time, or, the capacity to be with someone for longer than ten minutes.“

„I don’t. I’m still fucking here. It’d be difficult to explain. There are some things that control me from the inside out. And—tch… it’s not like it’s awful here. Having a bath is a good thing, oi.“

Which really was just Levi slang for sex. You both enjoyed this, the physical sparks flying bore immediate witness to that.

„You don’t have to. Explain, I mean.“

It was unfair. Levi risked his life, lost soldiers, cleaned, organized, fought, kept it all together, showed up to protect you without expecting payment, and all you thought about was touching his ass. You hadn’t dared think this through any further, right. „Whatever comes, comes“ – you settled with that motto. Arguably because you had no levers. Unlike him. Levi had pragmatic foresight. And action. And skill.

This was war.

Your tiny little shop could be eradicated in minutes. Rubble and dust. A hole in the ground. Levi couldn’t blend that out so very delusionally to survive, and didn’t want to, ever.

He was much more generous than his exterior and hardcore reputation had suggested. Maybe he romanticized you more than what you felt for him. Felt hope for you.

The population had a glorious hero image of Levi Ackerman. And that was also how you perceived what he did somewhat. But what had drawn you to him was the scent.

The tanners clogged the whole block and there came humanity’s cleanest.

Maybe, you thought, your attraction to his body was a way of surviving.

It was not supposed to be a competition, but… you barely kept up. While he thought that you fixing barely damaged coats in five minutes was grounds for marriage.

Though, maybe that was all you could give. Next to Levi’s efforts for his fellow people, you could offer five accurate stitches and a glove. All without seeing entire squads of yours between a set of titan teeth.

Everything was unequal here.

Of course he had to move fast and move safe. Like a Captain. You weren’t used to that.

To be fair: Any single woman in this town had to rat out a man five times before she could allow herself to feel. Three times if he drank. Maybe that was the reason why. But Levi knew you had to be careful.

Perhaps, for that reason, he’d shown up with his heaviest wine.

When you saw him in his most hammered state and he still wasn’t a threat, lost control, became awful, then you could lower your guard. Because in vino veritas.

He was very attractive in his drunk daze, you’d seen that once when you delivered belts to the barracks. Any harsh scent of alcohol turned sweet on him. The buzz only slightly destabilized his pose. But according to what your mum once said, even a sweet but frowning drunkard was on the list of to be watched out for. Girls were taught to even go for much older men in this part of the towns: The man’s age indicated their skill for long-term survival and resources. 65 years? That was a status symbol.

To you, a sign someone could step on others to get on.

Given how the men of the island were assumed to be still fertile by then, it was acceptable for geezers to grasp at young maidens in bars anywhere, a mere laughing matter. Over time, it became a spot for men only, and busy working artisans like you had twice the incentive to stay home. You were as paranoid as Levi in that regard, except you fled into your sewing room to drown yourself in never-ending commissions instead of drawing swords, and you didn’t have the confidence nor martial training to win a tavern fight. You’d started to accept sitting there alone.

Also, the positive experience with your former lover set the bar.

Levi was much more vulnerable with those things to begin with. The combination of your body and way of walking through the training grounds seduced him without even trying. Your hospitality on top (Levi had never been inside a woman’s house that was not an extremely rotten brothel) had caused havoc in his brain. And he was the one cooking the dinner, not you.

So, the mere invite had the Captain drafting his wedding vows? Levi looked a bit crazy in his obsession, even though it was obviously concealed by a pokerface. Then again, he had no time to orchestrate a year-long courting process, right.

Titans changed the rules how romance took place. Pressure made dust or diamonds.

That he was even allowed in your bathroom had altered his way of thinking and speaking. Levi was used to girls either idolizing him at a distance but not being able to utter a single word towards him, and older women cheering him on with bread baskets. That he was welcome in your shop and scrubbing was a novelty with old (cleaning) methods, but still something unchartered, so to speak.

Levi liked being domestic. He admitted that.

Many of his encounters with guys, even up to aged 37 or so, were filled with violence and quick disposals, secrecy, spite, jealousy, weirdness, unreasonable taboo, resenting and hostile behavior; or dire cravings at night. It was seldom that he found and picked someone romantic to begin with. He didn’t want to take advantage of someone too naive or starstruck, anyway, and Levi, often regrettably, valued strength in others.

That he was publically seen with you at the well in broad daylight was a full 180, and that both of you took this time-out was so unusual to the man whose entire life depended on how fast he could do something.

And if he was honest:

This was also a knee-jerk response, a valve to patch his broken mind together. He lost countless trusted people out there. Over the years, Levi’s heavy heart had already been ripped into a million shards, starting way before his Survey Corps days. He was a total mess. Seemingly impossible to mend. If he had this one chance to pull you close rather than leave you in wall proximity, he would do it. Immediately.

You were far, far too precious to him.

In all regards, the busy headquarters were much more central. Guarded. Vast and a whole system of maintenance, much less likely to be attacked knowing the amount of skill inside, and sustaining a community. With people who required the best available clothes. Levi knew you’d be needed there.

If he was pompous enough to ask you out, he would have to follow through and not abandon you after rolling through the sheets a few times. He wasn’t a shell of a human. He’d seen people like that everywhere. Casting you out of his life now that you’d been so close and naked, and he’d literally been inside of your body? Unacceptable for Levi to just go ahead and leave you behind.

Since he eyed you for a long time, of course he’d thought about this. Levi hated buyers and what they did. He would despise his moral character if he treated you like a prostitute. The whole world probably thought that his childhood exposure molded him to see the entire populace as hookers, and hookers only, and treat girls the way he’d seen it in those filthy beds. Or just do what other soldiers did in the tavern backrooms. But he didn’t want to.

He was disgusted. His father was cowardly to leave.

That ugly trash piece of a man probably didn’t even know Levi existed. Pure abandonment. Levi wanted to vomit every time he remembered he was a baby worth the lowest amount of currency. An inhumane fee, to use the already sick body of his mother until death. His father, although he hated that term, just left as if nothing had happened, did he, probably not even thinking he had impregnated Kuchel. He’d probably come running if he knew Levi was gifted superhuman power and will, and a big Survey Corps budget. Levi would beat him down if that happened one day. Back to the dirt where he belonged.

If some apologetic figure came along and said he fathered Levi – and was sure about it, and matched the face – he would not engage with that weirdo for long, that he was sure of. Levi much rather spent his time with someone who didn’t reject him, you.

When you came to the headquarters a second time to deliver some new suits personally, he almost had a heart attack. Someone actually did their job? Someone showed up? Someone was nice?! The bar was low, but Levi was still admiring what you did.

He thought of you as the least barbarian person he’d ever seen. Did Levi have a thing for the inexplicable yet adult ‚innocence‘ you had, even though he was the virgin one? He somewhat did. It wasn’t as straightforward as that. There were other factors. But in essence, yes. Despite this slum being another messy stain on the destruction-laden map of Paradis, you weren’t completely soiled by reality to him, unlike what he had seen and done.

You were an outsider. Who was benevolent. And not a crazed person who wanted to stalk him, like a lot of people believing him to be some kind of 5‘2 messiah. Levi idealized the image of you working at your desk in peace and changing the island world with one stitch at a time, doing no harm. So, he wanted to sustain that parallel world that you inhabited. Nobody should destroy it.

Exposing you to the workings of the HQ was a hazard, but not as much of a gamble as waiting for your shop being crushed by a big fucking foot.

  „Look,“ he said. „I have asked Commander Erwin for permission. I didn’t even have to smack him across his giant head with a broom to grant it to me. He seemed supportive to the cause. You don’t have to look after me… I eat nothing and I sleep nothing. It’s none of your concern. I am just offering a rest and safety spot. In fact, there’s an empty room you can stay in at the headquarters. Your own place.“

„You asked Erwin Smith about this?!“

„He advised me to look after you instead of being fucking careless. Do you think I’m a player?“

„No?“

„Then it’s merely up to you to decide. If you can stand being with the pain in the ass that I am. And having more people around.“

It… surprised you. The way he saw himself. Levi wasn’t exactly a pain. If a person had a backbone, didn’t spew bullshit, liked clean surroundings and shit getting done, why would they have something against Levi, or Levi against them?

„I get why my shop isn’t exactly a safe place,“ you said. „The tannery is what diverts a lot of negative things happening. But it also drives away customers. If I could set up part of my shop at yours and—“

„It will be arranged by tomorrow night.“

„If it’s not too much to ask. It could help sorting out some things. And make the Survey Corps armour repairs much faster. I just need all my uniform-related materials and tools in that room, and a bed.“

„That shouldn’t be too difficult.“

„Thank you, Levi,“ you wrapped your arms around him. The naked hug was not anticipated by him, but he melted into it, holding on strongly.

„It’s my duty,“ he said, as if he wasn’t in love.

„And you’re not a pain in the ass… you’re really sweet.“

„Sweet? Tch…“

You let go of the embrace after a whopping minute, smiling.

„I mean it, I. I just don’t know what I can offer you. You’ve protected me so often. And you cleaned your butt off all the time…“

„No. I need to say thanks,“ Levi grew mellow, although still convinced in tone. „You demonstrated to me that some things can be fixed, woman. I thought that wasn’t possible so far.“

„W-what do you mean?“

„Time will tell. You’ve given me the time of the day, even though I didn’t expect you fucking would. You could have chosen to just discard me like a rag with piss on it.“

„But why would I leave? Spending time together is too meaningful in a world like this. I’m happy I found anyone I could trust. I really appreciate you.“

„That’s what I meant exactly.“

„Levi…“

„Now… I guess it’s not much use continuing for now, then,“ Levi referred to… his and your lack of clothing, and the way you’d cooled down a lot. „We will continue after moving things around. Alert is too likely.“

„Yes. It’s better that way.“

No more baths for tonight, and that was okay. That conversation had to take place. Levi wanted you around and in a sound spot for sleeping.

After cleaning up some sweat and wet patches, he sent you off to the bathroom while putting the towel and other laundry through the whole process on your washboard.

„At least that thing doesn’t bother me anymore,“ he grumbled, happy he was limp again. It was hilarious to you how Levi felt no sense of pride being erect. And that he offered you a whole room for free, by the way.

Despite his crutch, Levi already gathered your stuff, ready to move some things around.

 ---

Your lips easily kept up the suction while Levi tried his hardest to keep it together. The view (his ironclad stomach, barely concealed by his tight black armor, comprised of beautiful stitching and fabric layers) was too nice to ignore from here, and Levi had insisted you’d sit on a big pillow.

So, you were much at ease.

The ashy scent of candle mixed with Levi’s rather aggressive shower soap, which you could smell twice as obviously when your nose tip hit the spot. Levi wasn’t impossible or painful to deepthroat, his size was handy, if not perfect for your eager mouth, and certainly not unimpressive. Enough length to play with, no hassles, room to move. Smooth skin, hips to grab on.

And much like his manicured face, his cock simply looked perfect. The same close shave of his elegantly pointed chin was also right before your lashes. Yeah, he’d chopped the hair off. All you could muster was a happy „mmh…“ while making good use of your saliva.

The oily lubricant that Levi had bought from the tiny local pharmacy proved to be an even better suit for a steady slide. The headquarters also had an apothecary, but… he didn’t dare visit them. Levi didn’t want to be known as the blowjob guy. There was honor involved here.

Humanity’s strongest… yes, too cowardly to buy lube where his comrades purchased whatever sex drugs on the regular, au masse.

Well, he didn’t want anyone to talk about this, and that was fine and his right.

He’d shown up at the pharmacy in full cloak and face wraps to request it with a threatening anonymous note: Plus a heavy tip.

„Leave the product on the window sill, in a closed dark container with an ambiguous shape… Do not watch me pick it up when the sun goes down, you shitty doctor… if you value your life. Now take these 50 bucks and never speak about this again.“

Well.

You hoped that the „if you inquire who requested this lubricant, I will fucking kill you“ wasn’t a dead-giveaway that the abrasive ‚mystery customer‘ was obviously Levi Ackerman.

But hey, this town was tough. Anyone could send this note. So. It probably wouldn’t ruffle any feathers and Levi could repeat the process without being shot at.

The item itself was of the highest possible quality (the Levi Midas touch):

The taste was slightly sweet and made your lips all tingly.

 Yes, Levi wasn’t happy to remove his gear entirely to do this in his quarters, knowing he might still be on duty. It was 6AM. He’d come back from a surveillance trip by horse, dragging his foot along. You were terribly horny in the meantime, and masturbation didn’t fully cut it. You’d slept, he did not. Both of you were dizzy in your own way.

The slicking, sucking noise made Levi crazy, if not angry. How’d you do this? And so well, at that? Whatever this was, it was a lot.

And a sweet, sweet depravity.

You were spurred by how he grabbed at his clothes, pulling up the hem of his top to see what you were up to. Until, well, he surrendered and just put his hand in your hair. A thousand emotions in his eyes, because all of this confused Levi quite a bit.

The average person would have thought a guy like him would consider this an act of domination. Or some relief of hate and violence, on someone much lower in class than Levi. But… It wasn’t.

It was just for enjoyment, and being together.

Levi felt… undeserving of something so nice. But he let it happen, because you liked it. He wanted to be grateful and let you do what you craved to do, long as it didn’t hurt. Do what you want with me, he’d promised, so he wouldn’t flake now.

In any situation, he’d never accept this from anyone he didn’t know. They’d have to take it from him by force. Tie him up, lock him down, and do it. Blowjobs and Levi? This was sacred territory.

Not a single man had been allowed to do this on him, as a favor, or whatever it was supposed to be, ever. During his encounters with guys, Levi rejected any offer to receive oral pleasure in the most vehement of ways.

„Quit it, just bend me over already! I don’t have much fucking time, shithead… don’t talk back now!“

Three times, vice versa, however, yes. He’d done that. He’d given them. Using protection, Levi had challenged some of his male hookups – those with particularly large endowments that didn’t look bad to him – to push it into his face as a way of logging his battle brain off.

It was uncomfortable, Levi held his breath half of the time, and he also closed his eyes most often. Or just stared up menacingly.

He’d once yelled at his counterpart to just shake and thrash his head however they saw fit. If he was supposed to slay all Titans, a few inches of flesh weren’t supposed to get to him. He just held on to the legs of the guy, that was the only nice part, and choked his way through the misery and his reflex. It wasn’t arousing at all. He hated it. He’d much rather take it in his ass. Still, powering through with wrath, Levi pushed himself, hardened and unbreakable. Those angry watering eyes, and he resented that even more, he tried to conceal with his sleeve or barking at the men how they shouldn’t look.

Was it a pain of his own stupid making, or­ – The guys sometimes did nothing to bring this about. But they didn’t push him off, either, even if they saw he struggled, or abused himself.

Levi truly had no clue if oral was something to be excited about. Those sensations and the gagging itself. He actually despised how this was just ‚done to be done‘ in couples and hookups. At one point, he finally realized he was punishing himself to get a sense of misplaced justice for Kuchel.

She endured this, and so would he. Even if he had his reservations, and vastly mixed sentiments. As if he didn’t respect her more than anyone already. He really loathed how his mom had to suffer. At the hands of people who, unlike Levi’s suitors, did the demanding and paying and the beating and the infecting, and whatever else he wished he wouldn’t have seen then and there. He just tried to replicate it in his own fumbling way and it was not good.

Levi making the men he met mess up his already drained-looking face seemed like a gaining of control until it wasn’t, because that level of unpleasantness and the smell was actually Levi’s worst nightmare. The hate in his heart about this never left him. Especially because it was expected of him to tolerate and survive anything, at work and in his chosen role as a bottom – plus, he was more than capable of ramming himself against some barn stable guy’s loins repeatedly. There was at least a bit of adrenaline in that for him. And a psychosexual satisfaction. By reenacting what he saw all day.

If the Titans got to devour and devour and devour, that was his revenge. He got to stuff himself now. Except it wasn’t always tasty.

Because the act was so unrelenting, there wasn’t much payoff for Levi, though, nor did the time spent afterwards really nourish him. The guys were irritating by just existing to him. Unlike with Erwin, he didn’t think much of them. He would not give anyone the time of the day by throwing up or submitting completely, either. But the contradiction of Levi wanting to control the get-off by being as harsh as possible on both people involved kind had the opposite effect.

Drunkenly, he’d even shoved some handsome young blond guy’s balls in his mouth, too, which was particularly awful and intense alike. He couldn’t even decide what it was. Levi justified it by saying he was strong and just held the position. Staring down ‚his opponent‘.

The guy was equally overwhelmed. That was the great and feared Levi Ackerman down there, after all, doing all those things. Drunk Levi himself didn’t know what it all meant. He was buzzed out of his fucking mind, and sleep-deprived, anyway.

He got the job done for a couple of loveless drizzles inside the condom. It was as numb as anything else on Paradis, so it made no difference. Being used to it, living it day by day, Levi attempted to brush it off as another bad night, even if the guy tried to treat him well. The regret was a gripping angst later. Levi was ready to drink bleach and cleaned his mouth a thousand times in secret, full of boundless indignation. He stopped seeking out random men after he finally decided a huge hard thing and a weak load inside his skull without an improvement to his life was nothing he wanted to do.

And no, since his experience was so bad, he didn’t want to subject some other guy from a bar to this, either. Levi was convinced he wasn’t big enough to give a man something to hold on to, tall as these fuckers were. Would some guy be ready to suck him off? Maybe. If there was enough pity or booze involved. Or the guy was deferent enough. But still, it wouldn’t match the symbolic character of Levi being on the giving end (or was it receiving?).

The other person was the Titan and he was there to withstand and obliterate it with his own insides: Not bleeding this time when he was impaled.

Every orifice had to be tough. Levi often smacked the men’s bodies to tame them, too, all while encouraging them to continue hurting him back. Grabbing his hair, gripping him, insulting him. Levi did not look back on his derangement with fondness the way he looked back at being invited to your house. He knew he debased himself going out with dodgy strangers who were often more passive than whatever he was doing. Even if they were captivatingly hunky.

Tragically somehow, he’d switched off his sympathy for them, not treating or choosing or protecting those guys like his male comrades in the fiercest of ways. He actually didn’t find them disgusting for wanting to sleep with him, or agreeing to use his face. Everyone of those guys said Levi appealed to them. Levi didn’t even hate their physicality, either. What set off his temper was the whole situation of… everything. And how much fucking energy he had to expend on anything his life. Anything.

Slicing up titan calves three hours earlier and seeing five people get decapitated before going after the next best tall guy that he would both alternatingly dominate and submit to wasn’t the best way to set up a sexual encounter. Levi had… learned a lot from rushing this. He’d even set these men up to receive no mercy from him because he expected their force and will rather than love and personality. That way, he could distance his conscience, pretend this was just a stepping stone, and say to himself that they were rascals. He’d trapped himself in a hormonal rage, in a space where he couldn’t make amends, because those situations had been so poisonous all around. It was better to just wise up and stay away. And try something else, now that his heart was taken.

Levi wanted to be more deliberate with a woman now that he’d fallen for you out of nowhere. And be fair, even if he’d been biased before. And more personal.

Going to a random girl he found hot, in a dark, rat-infested tavern corner would probably scare and hook her even more than the guys he hit on so resolutely. That wouldn’t be very useful to bond with someone. Levi was glad he got to know you through your profession. Otherwise… this wouldn’t have worked out, right. He was too respected, too selective with looks, and also: Too small to be confident. Besides, women were on the look-out anywhere, scanning for danger. Willing ones were only to be found were Levi would never ever go back to, and those women were drugged up to overcome their fear and reservations.

But Levi really wanted a woman.

To escape the ashamed silhouettes of the back alleys, which really were his only choice to quickly get some without being found out? To be more accountable, because you were weaker than the guys he’d been with? To give someone virtuous and lesser in class his better side, because a guy had to work a thousand times as hard to deserve Levi’s soul and body fully? Because he was more needed for his ways, outside the Survey Corps, rather than just wanted like and by a man on the street? Because he realized there was no sorrow in being with a woman, and it wasn’t like being in a red light district, doing terrible things to someone? At the end of the day, Levi didn’t know the full answer to what was happening.

It was probably more than that, and less straightforward.

To his rational mind, it was a matter of circumstance, that’s what it was.

Surroundings always made the difference. He became increasingly sure of that, at least, and it gave him closure to his thug days. Because in this new setting, the circumstances could be adapted for him to be with you, luckily. Without him being terrified of you walking away. That was his main concern. Levi grew in confidence that you would stay.

Plus… his Ackerman thing really had a mind of its own sometimes. Correct?

Until he realized he had deliberated quite a lot to ask you for sex, right. It wasn’t just a blind attachment, out of control. He could influence how he went about it, too.

It was a relief to discover he wasn’t just a silly, nihilistic robot after all.

He’d not leave this to fate. A night had turned into something more. You’d bothered to bring good things to Levi’s life. It didn’t matter if you were a guy or not. If someone didn’t see him as disposable, no matter who, and that didn’t happen often since he had the image of the soldier (the epitome of being considered collateral damage), Levi would predictably be struck by Eros.

And not just helplessly.

Levi very much allowed himself to be ravished there. You weren’t the one enticing him directly. That was only Levi’s thoughts. He was curiously mesmerized. After giving you food and drink, and looking out for you, Levi couldn’t feel guilty for doing this, either, or feel like he was mindlessly spellbound in his entirety.

Even if he didn’t generalize, he had no bad blood with this half of the Paradis population, unless they somehow wound up to be Titans (in which case…). Because whenever something happened that pissed him off, out there, or at the HQ, the root of the issue was almost always a guy, save for clumsy Hange letting another Titan loose by accident.

But other than that? His meeting with Zeke didn’t make him regret not taking his sexual partners so far very seriously. Because what were the majority of men even about, to Levi, and their position in this world. Suddenly, all the guys were Zeke Yeager to him, soon as he saw a trace of beard.

How could a man become this way? Why were men built like that, and acted like that, and be such large-scale traitors? What did he really want from other guys, who were everywhere he turned, and treated him so strangely? Why was Erwin someone he could look up to, but the next moment, the illusion was shattered? Why was Armin a bit of hope, but Eren wasn’t? Levi‘s existential crisis had really preoccupied him through the nights. Everything was complicated and bizarre to him. He didn’t even know if he was gay or not anymore.

Probably yes and no.

His envy for other guys, who walked around the world without that damn blood of his, who weren’t persecuted because they were strong and immune, who he had shit experiences with, who were ambivalent about him, who envied him back, who were overidentified with Levi, who made his life hell, who gave him guidance, who screwed it all up, who towered so far above him, who supported and trusted him, who relied on Levi all the way, who went about their day not having to defend those damn walls expecting his protection anyway, that all made everything a double-edged sword.

And he’d shoved that blade right up Zeke’s throat. Because that’s what you do with an enemy.

It’s the reason why he’d been so hesitant towards you asking for oral.

Even if he was half the size of those guys he hooked up with. Even if knew he’d be able to control the situation much better, being used to physical detail, and being 10 years older than those men he’d given his dignity to, anyway. Levi wanted to live up to his age already, and stop picking up people after dark to destroy himself.

He’d probably stabbed himself in the stomach if he’d demanded cash from them for all the stuff he’d done there in a frenzy. Instead, Levi decided to give you the money he wanted to give through the coat you made (he paid 2000 bucks, several times more than necessary), and through the food he cooked.

And that also was too valuable for you to just puke it out again, so he was especially vigilant about this.

Jesus, why did you want to swallow him up like that?

Did you want him to come right away again?

 Levi… really was really worried you didn’t like it, since he projected his own sexual past onto what was happening. Too many twisted memories flashing in his head. It couldn’t possibly be nice for you, right.

He tried hard to let you do what you aimed to do in the moment, but also kept adjusting at any sign of „no, that’s not it“. It was still his first time this happened, after all.

The Captain had been terribly afraid this wasn’t going to be hygienic to begin with, fuming internally about his dilemma. Because it felt so damn good.

You had an appetite for him, he saw it, and you looked at him like that, and promised not to make this a rough thing (as you learned from the first encounter, Levi surprisingly wasn’t the type to go that raw, especially not right away: Even though he was very well capable of going quicker).

But that’s how Levi caved.

He didn’t want you to get your fill elsewhere. Or to carry your love and care to anyone.

He’d be confident enough to say no if he really hated it. But if he could swallow his fear and provide what you wanted, well, he’d let you try it. So, maybe, he could go for it, too.

 His eyes had fixated on your lips so obsessively when you talked to him about what you wanted for dinner, since he asked. Inside his heart, Levi could never deny you, even if he had to go get the ingredients in the most difficult of ways, zipping throught the streets to find the right shop or market.

The stare was only exacerbated by how you’d applied a red lip earlier that day, after Annie gifted some makeup and a comb to you after finding it in a wealthy home destroyed by titans, not knowing what it was, except that it looked like really valuable somethings, and you might decipher its meaning.

Well. The meaning was to show Levi where to put his... full attention.

No matter how dirty mouths were, deep down, Levi liked the gentleness of lips. He liked himself a few pecks on the head. Made him go nuts. But who else knew that.

Annie really wanted to make you feel welcome and say thanks for all the clothes you’d repaired for the Corps, as did Mikasa, who gave you a spare winter jacket, which you warmly embraced.

The beauty items themselves were a rare glimpse of luxury and excess in this world. A seamstress knew what kind of coveted products those were. Just like silk could elevate any clothing, so could a face with charcoal-lined eyes.

So, you just tried that on to see how Levi would melt or grumble how much he preferred you without it. It could go either way.

The mascara made your gaze sultry and cat-like, the lipstick brought out your lip shape so flatteringly. What a nice color pop in the barracks. After finishing the fix of a ripped cape, you waited for him in a night dress, fretting to sleep with him. Lips pursed in his direction.

His weakness. He was more than definitely seduced those sweet cherry-like lips. He was so provoked.

Levi was averse to even approach any woman because he knew his profession. His chance of making it was low, or high, but with everyone else sacrificed while his strength sustained him in a cruel way beyond his dead comrades. But looking at your comfortingly mellow, a bit tired smiling lips had triggered something in his brain, which he thought had been dulled and desensitized.

„All sexy, are you.“

He look the leap for another incoming tragedy, because that‘s how it always went, and that was demoralizing him in a paranoid manner, was it. But if that mouth could whisper perverted things to him while you were nestled under a blanket, and that distracted his dark brain for only just a minute, maybe he had to follow the lead of those gorgeous red lips.

Levi wanted to be peppered by them.

He feigned being annoyed, but. He was surely a susceptible man once he trusted someone.

He didn’t hate himself for being attracted to someone who could be so feminine and luring. And that attraction was… strong. He just hated the state of the world and his place in it.

Levi definitely wanted to be at the receiving end of those lips, terribly. Instantly, so badly.

To be talked to, (and you didn’t talk constant shit unlike the rest of people in the barracks, including him, he valued that), and to be sucked off, he gave in.

His restraint only went so far. His sexual backbone, moreso. But the way you lined up those seams on his coat gave him an instant erection every time he scrutinized the neatly pressed stitches which outlasted the worst conditions out there. Even the cape for his horse.

You were beautiful to Levi.

He didn’t desire someone with a high position in society, keeping their head up safely and not helping anyone live well. Someone who made clothing for others was much more important in his logic. He lived in rags for years.

Or, one rag. Not much variety there.

He even dragged his oversized mother’s clothes through the mud because nothing was there for him.

Only the latter was a humiliation for him. The dirt, not the dress.

People targeted him for it relentlessly. Levi was convinced he would have died in that place if he’d been born a girl. Every woman on the street he saw, he respected. It was much easier to live on as a guy. Even Kuchel, an Ackerman, who’d survived a thousand abusive clients, wasn’t resilient enough to go through a health crisis. Levi wanted every stupid germ gone since. No muddied sheets.

He’d hesitated decades to have sex. He spent years waddling around in a bruised white dress that symbolized everything that happened in the underground, and elsewhere, to him, everywhere.

Levi had always been cold and skinny. The streets were still as devastating as before. But he had a heated room now. Levi wanted to punish himself for living this well. He felt so culpable. Others didn’t have Captain privileges or gear to protect them. That’s why he took the brunt in combat to make up for it. And still scolded others for not giving their everything, even though he knew they weren’t Ackermans capable of going bonkers every time the enemy showed up, which made Levi hate himself even more. He couldn’t suppress how the suffering in his life was terrible. Except for tea, nothing went well. He really wanted to embrace you to turn something around. And do something well.

But he didn’t see himself as a winner, either.

Especially as his weekly toll for being where he was in the hierarchy was severe.

Levi considered himself a real, palpable loser, with evidence of his incompetence everywhere to be seen, his propensity for force rendered close to useless in sustaining life at the end every time: There he was, staying in an occupation akin to scrubbing a toilet. Chances of success being so slim.

Did he even make it out of the underground? In his mind, no. Levi cursed himself a lowly dog who could never measure up, ever, in any capacity, at any point in time, every passing day. His height was only a reminder that it was a hard truth. A walking short-coming, as Zeke had cruelly teased him once.

At least preparing food for you gave Levi a reason to force himself to eat anything at all („Maybe I’ll start growing now.“). He knew he was far below the person opposite the table, you, in many regards.

He really felt pitiful, and thought he barely made a difference at the end of the calculation. In the mirror, he was an ugly, childlike anger gremlin with nothing big going for him, just a lot of drama, Levi was convinced. Why would someone like that accept pleasure?

In his head, you were much better than him, and full of good qualities he wished he had. And better looks. Yes, he’d trade his gloomy, gorey life to be someone making clothes all day. He’d probably be good at it.

He’d look outside the window every morning and hope someone would look after the wall. And then go about his honest work. Instead of being a dumbass titan hybrid soldier slicing other titans mid-air, and then get whacked from all directions if he wasn’t careful. And then some giant monkey (what an elegant way to present yourself on the battlefield!) comes along and ruins his day even more. What a waste. He was waste.

Barely human in his DNA or in his consciousness after another bloodbath. It wasn’t even a bath. That had been absolutely joyful with you, clearly. You didn’t have to own a lot of money for Levi to think of you as some kind of princess, in a little castle, who was by all means talented and much more sexually attractive than his grumpy, obsessive-compulsive self.

In fact, in the slums, if you grew up in the same area, you would have been higher up than him as a low-life criminal child.

Levi looked up to a person who made sure someone was warm. You reprimanded him for his masochistically cold showers already… he had no idea how anyone could care about his body temperature. He was not supposed to feel good like this was a fucking luxury spa. He was supposed to fight. And then die. Didn’t matter when and how, as long as the opponent lost their literal head over him appearing at the horizon.

Right?

However Hange managed to be so upbeat in dire conditions, he was thoroughly used to everything about his body being wreck-like. On some days, it was so visible, that even his greatest admirers didn’t want to switch places with him. Captain, you look so tired.

„Yeah I know I’m busted. Now fuck off.“

He wasn’t exactly genetically programmed to chase after pretty, rich royals and other big dogs, being engineered to be a royal guard after all, either. Nor did he want those people. Levi despised them for a million reasons. He tried to use his powers every day to make life for normal people safe while they often… did the opposite. Otherwise, they probably wouldn’t be in the position they were in.

That’s why Levi much preferred his princess of threads and wool.

He… had a real fascination with your craft. And what you could accomplish with your hands.

If he could have a closet of clothes only you made, he’d trade even his best pieces to do so. Cause he knew what you made was even better.

 That’s where you met in the middle. You also did everything you could for a small, near-hopeless reward like him. It made you similar where other factors seemed quite far apart. Levi thought that maybe you could understand his life, even if it was just that.

You liked Levi for his tenacity, which was the tailor’s first virtue. Making mistakes was part of the job. You could patch linen together, and close up holes in a shoe. Levi couldn’t do that with his Survey Corps. He was jealous, but not in a way that wished harm on you. He just hoped he’d have a better existence where the reason for his envy would not exist anymore. Because humanity could not afford any more losses, nor were any prior deaths deserved or needed. That made him want to pull out his hair. He wanted the best for everyone. And realized that also had to apply to himself.

 So, he’d went to the doctor – who was pissed Levi went out with that ankle and grounded him entirely – to check if he wasn’t sick, too, and sent you to the dentist and paid for it. He’d been… thorough about this. You agreed it was a good move and thanked him.

Afterwards, Levi was much more willing to try new stuff, knowing he had no idea about things like that anyway, and you could teach him whatever came to mind. („Long as it doesn’t feel like crap!“)

Oh boy, did you have something that felt so good up your sleeve.

 The tongue work was the part that got to him. Made Levi scrunch up his whole face.

„Is that even allowed, woman…!“

Yes it was. You just kept going. Stronger suction, harder lip pressure. Levi felt like passing out from so much pleasure, he was close to seeing stars. He had to admit that this was the most excited he’d felt in his entire life. Feeling content, or satisfied something was spotlessly clean, that had been the upper limit so far.

You felt a bit of pressure from your own standards not to make this lackluster, and Levi only deserved the best – but he was already spiking on adrenaline with the mere touch of your flat hands on his naked loins. So… maybe you didn’t have to blaze ahead.

With your eyes closed, he thought you looked amazing. You really made it all disappear, huh. So on edge. Levi being half-reclined on his office armchair just made him look like a statue, draped onto the seat with a sweet surprise between his knees, which he tried to stabilize.

Levi started to fully realize why Jean always talked about this. „Getting head“ or whatever he always rambled about, that was the new Survey Corps word for it apparently. But Levi wanted this to be special, and not a teehee-oral-sex thing.

He made sure not to shake your head about and instead embraced the sides of your temple, which felt protected under the palms of his beautiful hands.

„Oh, this is just… Hh—“

You were having major heart eyes with your guy right there.

Levi’s little noises were just major marriage material, you couldn’t lie. Levi’s wife… had a nice ring and feel to it. Belonging together that way. Only him. Levi, yours. Spending time. Tied as one.

He was definitely the husband type. Rare, but his actions always spoke louder than empty words.

You felt gently safe with him, yes. You trusted Levi’s judgment and vice versa. You really wanted him close, cheek to cheek. Especially when you slept.

No one else should touch you, or experience the bed of roses seeing you this way.

You liked to suck him off, but this was private private.

Levi was fully mesmerized, finally drifting from his initial anxious hoping you were happy with the taste, and the scent, and the size. He clearly saw your approval now that he loosened up a bit.

The heat of your tongue and cheeks felt amazing, he couldn’t believe it.

The motion, how much you cared about him, paid attention to his reactions. The way your technique edged him closer. His balls were about to fucking implode and crush up like pepper in a mortar if he wasn’t careful and slow. Levi actually hated this. The arousal overcame him faster than he assumed. He’d missed out on a lot, and never ran into someone nice enough to do this properly for him, did he.

80% of his sexual encounters so far had been less than loving and… did not really involve his own genitalia. One younger but somewhat experienced guy had kissed the back of his head while taking him slowly and made Levi’s mind shortcircuit. The hand reaching around to give Levi a handjob was already too much, though. The Ackerman basically stormed off after, acting insulted, but scared he’d get attached and lose what he had in this moment.

Sometimes, getting scared receiving what you dream about just makes you freeze and not accept it. Levi had to force himself to let it in.

You were that kissing on the hair moment, except it went on and on. Levi knew, in the back of his mind, it was all he longed for in a person to confide in. And as long as he was stuck inside you, he was not allowed to leave, right. That’s why he held on so long and fought his orgasm. By trying to relax or tense himself alternatingly.

But you twirling your tongue being such a tease, Levi almost melted too much. He still wanted your lips closed around him. Then again, a pause could really help. He didn’t know how to ask for that.

So, Levi just reasonably pulled off your head with both hands. He explained he didn’t want to come and spoil this, but he definitely liked it. While you knew that Levi was the last person to do cum play, you also knew that he might still come if he just pulled out all of a sudden. He had to be eased out.

„Easy…“

„No problem,“ you licked your swollen lips, inspecting him. „Are you okay with it?“ Just checking, after all. But he seemed less than apprehensive about his new opinion.

„You changed my mind there, woman. Are you aware of this?“

„I can tell, Captain. You’re basically all pink in the face.“

„Hmph… Pink…“

„Bright and clear. It’s a pretty face, by the way.“

„We’ve already had that discussion. But thanks. I have no problem of you looking at it, tch.“

„Heh. Well, let’s continue, then. I want to see it all blissed-out.“

You put it back in, because Levi damn felt in that moment that you were correct. He was blushing, and he was blissed out. So, you slowed it down, drawing out the little milk and honey moment you’d carved out for yourselves here. Levi’s cock was so nice, and his body… shocking. Just shocking.

It was crazy that he didn’t have a harem knocking on his door daily and rejected anyone, even people who just begged for a bare two-minute romp.

He really needed love involved, and feel a bond. Levi was just wired that way. A bit of romantic flavor in the air, to tint the ashen reality in coral-candied color for some fleeting moments. You started to realize why Levi didn’t say out loud he wanted that, but needed it. So why not make this a bit more amorous. This was not a hot Titan date, remember.

 It felt tantalizing at first, but the repetitive slowness dialling it all down calmed Levi. Delicious sucking, like a melted summer popsicle. More lubricant, just to be sure.

The now loosened slide of the lips was nice to feel, but you managed to turn down the lust and not further aggravate Levi. He started to soften slightly and you released him, just when he also wanted to stop and wind down. In order not to embarrass him or still cause a spill, a towel for dignity in place with your helping hand was fine by Levi, who was still very highstrung regardless.

„Comfortable like this, Levi?“

„I don’t… regret accepting the suggestion,“ Levi offered his hand to help you stand up, already half headed towards the bathroom.

„How so?“

In a teasing tone.

„You know what you’re doing. It wasn’t as bad as I thought, oi. I’ll help you clean up your mouth, come.“

In fact, Levi looked deeply changed in the way he acted. More constrained, rather than repressed.

 A few minutes later, Levi put you through the sheets again.

Prone, Levi right behind, you were turned on like crazy, and wanted Levi to just steadily, exactly hump away until both of you reached a wet delirium. Wholly controlled, Levi’s brain on lust and love in a complete blank mush. Like a melting piece of marshmallow. Ice cream.

Vacant, no thoughts of combat, nothing. In a beguiling somewhat faster rhythm, not too abrasively, not too slow-motion at all, mattress be damned (he fixed a recent creaking, but the springs could still be heard a bit).

You just wanted to hear him get absolutely „hahh, hah!“-level-stupid. And drenched. And fixed closely in place. Pulling out was not allowed here until you said so. Pretty obvious what time of the month it was. If Levi wasn’t incapable of having kids, and used protection to a fault, you’d be pregnant times ten by now.

Levi was not a greedy man, but he could be made all pussy-drunk.

Gladly he was stuck on you, and gladly he was guided by your desires.

If he wasn’t expected to pull out, and pump you for two hours, and not be pathetically performing, then he wouldn’t. No cumming prematurely again. Easy as that. Command received. He was Levi.

All he could think about: Your body. It was nice to forget about himself for a minute. Because Levi really hated his own appearance to Trost and back. Despised, maimed, useless, unorthodox, ugly, and full of actual shit all the time. He could scratch that from his inner dialogue for a short amount of time… His battle intelligence wiped from any thought.

Levi just got way into it. The light of his eyes completely dull and dizzy, cheeks a cool and rosy red, the same went for the neck and pretty hands.

Just bump, no grind, in-out, sucked in, pulling back, no pause, feathering the whole thing from his knees for the right bounce (and damn did he know how to do this), just hypnotically focused on your pussy, Levi’s hands on your shoulders until he blanked from his obtuse motions to get you off, more brainless than any Titan walking the earth. And hell, this man already was titan-like from the inside, wasn’t he? It only had to be brought out, the human part all shut off.

White. Grey. Glimmers of the eye.

The slavelike animal way of just putting his hands on your skin and giving it a go for minutes on end, nothing smart and strategic about it. Just letting the passion out.

No cold rain on his cape. Just warmth. And an empty inside. Levi was now reduced to a hollow shell, repetitve and drooling, eyes closed, eyes rolling, eyes squinted. His dick was hard and warm and slickly engulfed, feeling the tensing, tightness-release, silky smooth, making you all tingly and excited, mouth wide open with your forehead against his pillow. Inhaling the aftershave and trace of sweat on it. Which really hit harder than a drug could.

Levi’s head was hanging limp and drained in the heated process, but in a state of flow. Just like he said when he first showed up at your house: Salivating. Looked pretty cute to you when you turned your head to watch what was going on.

No way you could wait this time. Peaks, now, for both. No bad mood or injured parts could get in the way. You wanted his fucking so bad. From behind, it really was best. No way around that. Levi’s forte was to treat you. He could easily pull it off with you laid down like a damn queen in her expensive duvets. But you also wanted his steamy side. The moans, again.

Levi complied.

Tonight, he was just a stupid muscled stuffed doll, arms and legs only designed to do the endless thrusting. Savoring the grip, loins against you ass, never wanting it to end, and feeling more confident in moving both of you about. But lightly, without hurting you.

„More—!“

Levi had really taken a liking to this. Pussy was amazing, and stimulating you all over with his naughty tongue really was something else. He really didn’t want to do paperwork anymore, and he wasn’t the only one thinking that.

If he could do this all day instead of wading through a mud pile of tears, bleeding and lifeless bodies. He’d probably be happy. Just fucking and getting the groceries. Nothing else. No stupid orders from above. Just pleasing his wife, knowing her wishes.

And no, he wouldn’t mess that one up. He’d get it together. Levi already gained in esteem. To find the right tempos and angles. This wasn’t about getting slammed or theatrics. Or mechanical flex. This was about depth and proximity, and unlocking some brakes that had been in place.

What sounded bad in other’s ears, sex as his chore, was a heavenly idea to Levi, who loved the word itself for a million reasons. He‘d keep on showering you by himself, you didn’t even have to do a thing. Sex was not as scheduled, he adapted himself to whenever you liked it. But during the usual hours. There really was a relief both of you felt.

Besides quickly learning how to use his compact body in this, Levi had a knack for all the hand stuff. He absolutely hated handjobs, though, even if a slight caress was fine, but with safety gloves on. Levi ranted over dinner how something dirty felt so good. You actually agreed.

Not to get bogged down, you gave Levi a little lap action at one point when he came back from ODM gear practice, to start out. Not a straight up dance, but – something of that kind, because you wanted to try something. He, however thought the grinding was actually useless and just took off your clothes, hands between your legs, put it in, and gave you a ride behind his desk, all until his fingers made you burst with stimulation.

„Stop trying to please me,“ was the dry, hard commentary. „I’m not paying a stripper here.“

Thinking his legs were just too skinny for this, Levi was adamant. It was clear he preferred the giving part. He was already hard, though.

There was just something in those Ackerman genes that switched him on as soon as you said you wanted to have sex.

It didn’t really work the other way around. Levi was only mildly aroused when he’d asked you out for the first time, more antsy than horny. That damn lipstick got his attention later, but he was always frigid when you weren’t in the mood to actually go through with it. If you wanted cuddles, he provided it. What else could be the definition of a provider?

But then, when your hand rested on his chest, and you looked at him, and said your little „Levi…“ it was over.

It wasn’t exactly like a machine, but things were… happening. So, frottage was pretty senseless. Levi was a diehard proponent of getting down to business by using his fingers in all kinds of unflinching ways. He never did something you hated, but as far as creativity was concerned… Levi did not hesitate. Gaze firmly fixated on those lips that just fascinated him.

A focused way of approaching things was a better guideline than a loud and bestial „the goal is the neck“ voice that always spoke to him in battle mode. This was not war, this was what ‚normal‘ life was supposed to be like. Something he wished was the only thing he needed to think about: How to use his fingers next, to do more than just coax a moaning string out of you. It had to be proper and prim. Levi was humble, he didn’t pride himself on anything. But he insisted on accuracy. You could attest to it. His hands were extremely to the point.

 He got faster when you gave him the sign, muffled some very interesting things into your ear when he came, and finished you off until exhaustion with his signature clit rubs. You screamed out, it was so exciting to feel. Levi was really giving his all, even if his orgasm had threatened to knock him out. He just kept going until you shook.

Levi’s two-finger combo on your clit really had a way with your muscles twitching. This guy really had no qualms whatsoever. The resulting climax was the strongest you’d felt yet, and Levi knew he’d chased it the way he’d planned. It was simply satisfying to hear you experience it. Music to his ears, oh man.

Levi was limp for three days after. Dead. His dick did nothing at all. You were giddy and smiling, sewing shirts and capes with a knowing grin. That had been quite a rollercoaster, huh. But it was good.

 ---

Levi, more comfortable with tongue stuff lately, and that was all due to your groans telling him he could definitely do this again, had a thought brewing. Like the stew on his stove. It concerned something that did not involve moving his devastated foot, which was practical, right (convenient excuse, if he ever did those). So, he sent a letter again. Leaving it on your new work desk, where you had settled with the majority of your equipment.

In some very upright handwriting. Levi had spent his youth illiterate, but Erwin taught him how to spell some years ago, gladly.

The letter, then, said:

Clean up before I come back (not the kitchen, that I already did – I mean something else). Light the fireplace and keep the glimmer of coal. Eat what I‘ve prepared and wait after until I shower. Excuse my demands, next time I will handle those things, but the Fuckass Military Police assembled a damn meeting so I can’t leave until 6.

Those would be strange instructions if you didn’t observe the licking of Levi’s lips in the mirror when you bent to open the oven a few days ago, both of you getting a glimpse of the delicacy inside.

The note really sounded dry, but something else wasn’t.

6PM came. Showered, you relaxed in front of the fire, feeling at ease for the first time. Stew bowl in hand, of course.

Levi was a fast and outstanding chef. Complex flavors, correct recipes, cheap ingredients made flavorful, and no overnight leftovers. Always fresh cooking: Hygienic. Levi added more butter when he cooked for you only. He warmed up milk, whisked eggs to perfection. He never took longer than 30 minutes to cook what he wanted to serve with his little apron on.

The Fuckass Police really put him through the grinder, though. So Levi showered, shaved, and brushed his teeth rather aggressively: To get rid of people’s filthy words and his scolding words with the heavy scrub of a sponge.

Being naked to unveil his reddened skin as the inflammated result was not necessary later. He stayed dressed in a grey frock, hair forcefully towelled dry like a maniac. The deep circles under his eyes did not prevent Levi from eating you out, however.

That would get rid of his frustration and guilt.

As the only step in between, Levi saw you’d emptied the stew bowl, and so he scrubbed it beforehand. He couldn’t stand used dishes waiting. Or even an unmade bed. Dirty sheets, done dirt cheap! Levi didn’t even realize how much of an unintentional foreplay that was.

As for him, Levi was used to eat alone to protect himself and his food in the underground, so he’d stuffed his face with some crusted rye bread in the broom chamber down the hallway beforehand. Tensely coming down from his god-awful day.

Reset.

That tiny room with zero light calmed his nerves at least a little, and he could ponder. The bread that Armin had bought to pass around for everyone was still softly fresh… Levi’s guilty pleasure finally made his stomach quit the annoying grumbles. Although, he’d never had a big appetite anyways. Small body, small organs. And he didn’t grow up with anything. He wasn’t used to it.

Yet, even without a dark wine, which would have gone well with the bread, he needed to have some energy and a better mood. You didn’t want Levi to sternly make love to you hungry and matte.

You were right that it was better to just eat. Levi didn’t double down there. He had to prepare himself somehow to be able to meet you.

 So, hands clean after putting the bowl back to the storage, he returned to you with your long skirt off, sat on the carpet before the enclosed fireplace. Levi knew what you wanted from him. And he was doing things he didn’t do before.

 Knelt down beside you, he dipped under your blouse, ‚inspecting‘ what he found, his type of Captain humor. Breast afficionado confirmed, was he. Going from „Let’s see, then“ to:

„Hm. Fair enough,“ which was code for ‚nice‘ in his vocabulary, which soon turned into luscious sucking. Not wildly pulling nor biting, just proper, frequent suction. With some tongue action in the mix, wet and sweet and very warm, much like the coals under the chimney.

Blouse opened, Levi was careful and not exactly lewd about taking your breasts in his mouth. The tact was surprising, and then it was not. Slow twirls. That he’d learned. Levi felt a bit corny with his fireplace idea, or should this be a naughty little adult thing? Hell, anyway. He enjoyed it as much as you did. Levi really had the type of face to do this.

Moving on, he saw you recline once you were worked up, legs in the air, waiting. Smarter now, he’d already brought a pillow.

As if trying to snipe off a wall, Levi rested below your knees (he had sexy memories with those, so that made him feel kind of saucy about this already), elbows propping. The sniper in this case was you, catching your target with a hard-on. Not a curving bulge. 100% all-out, spiked out, putting a horizontal dent in his robe. Guilty as charged!

You’d seen his excitement when he walked in. But Levi? Ignored it. Busy-bee. He dipped his tongue already. The Ackerman was the one not wasting any time now, was he.

Small sideway flicks, tentative and surprisingly sweet for a guy who’d just verbally strangled at least a hundred naysayers.

His likely fruitless speech to the crowd angered him, he knew the police would feign a yes and turn around and do the opposite. Those absolute entitled, arrogant, politically blind fucking dumbasses. He’d slurp and suck his stress away here. And put them in their place later this week, for meeting number two.

Hoping they would just quit, Levi would whoop their lazy entitled butts with reality. Until then, he had promised to help you settle in here, provide you with a great evening. And that really was a much more worthwhile day than going up against idiots who didn’t even care, were in the way, and should have long been impeached.

That frustration really came out now, because Levi’s mouth was eager.

Like this, your hand in his hair, he felt intimate and accepted, too. In his vulnerable and silent, but passionate state. Hitched breaths heard. He perched his lips a bit insecurely on your clit, not wanting to rush the stimulating process. You encouraged him again. Then, he felt more secure.

Levi, in typical fashion, even praised how cleaned you were. Knowing his value system, you didn’t take it as an insult. It was his way of loving. And hey, the Survey Corps had pretty good shower facilities compared to the slum. That short but comfy warm water rainfall had been absolute heaven 45 minutes ago, so.

The juicy feeling and the tongue of God continued. But: In your favorite position.

Turning around, Levi obliged to pleasure you from behind. Thankfully, his small build made it easy to crouch down. Levi was always apt at finding a way to line up his body, no, bodies, the two of you. Assuming you didn’t need any breaks (damn you, virgin heichō), he just kept sucking. Which really only resulted in edging you early, and you getting a bit louder than you’d planned. His nose regularly skimmed against your lips, with its perfect shape, going on without a care in the world.

Now you understood why Levi quickly bottomed out during the first ride.

Damn, that hot sensation.

Levi’s perfect facial profile had long caught your eye. No seam could ever be tailored this harmoniously. Such a pretty nose bridge and tip. Levi being a far-away figure to the general population, you’d never thought his gorgeous face would be this perched into you, to be honest.

Then again, Levi felt quite fired up by the way your lashes had brushed against his abs back then. He had to try something sexy like that as well with you, too. He didn’t feel less than elegant doing it, even without his ascot on.

This oral thing was quite a nice way to let go of some things, was it.

Sure, Levi felt a bit salty that something so wide-spread was also something he now did, all of your beautiful curves right in front of him. He couldn’t fault others for doing this all the time, he conceded that. How was this so… well, akin to drinking tea, which was his favorite treat?

Levi felt like a cat with a bowl of milk if he was honest.

Those small yet flushing lips equally were as skilled as you expected them to be, because Levi learned fast and went the extra mile in everything. Lazy? Never. He was really pushing himself. Lapping away. No restraints. He got the hang of going all out. Hands around your thighs. Really melting in.

Provoking your moans.

You’d sucked him off so bewilderingly, and with loving charm. He didn’t want to look like a fool fumbling around here.

Levi had no fears around ‚performance anxiety´ or however the fuck the tavern people mockingly called it.

He was Levi Fucking Ackerman. There was no time for not delivering and not mastering something in his life. He fully gave himself, end of story.

Tongue adventurous and hands involved, the idea of your curved-forward behind in his needy face was still a bit new to Levi, but the sounds of happy moans were signal enough you liked his lips as well. On that softened-up clit especially, nipping as if he tried to get the pits off some cherries.

Pervert.

Whenever you told him to go a bit faster, he did that, too. He evidently didn’t underestimate his partner. Levi knew he could be intense in his approach without stepping into his usual Captain shoes. Private and public could be different stories. He’d always known someone like him would have to develop a second face in the secrecy of his bunker. A face drenched in sweat.

Someone sensual, who could make you scream.

Lascivious him licked and dipped and drained you until you were satisfied from your high, or was there a second one? You didn’t even know anymore. It was all so arousing.

The fireplace heat made your face burst with warmth. All he got, Levi sucked it all dry and – traditions – cleaned you up with his white cravat like a connoisseur. Which went straight to the laundry while Levi went back to the stove after brushing his teeth diligently. He asked you to rest at the fire.

„Desserts like this have to be made fresh,“ was the last thing you heard before the pots and pans drowned out his tone.

Again, he cooked. Visibly content.

It was relief.

Mixing up some semolina and an orange, with milk, as far as you could tell. To soothe his mind from everything, and give you something dulcet for the palate. As a little thank you.

 Now to the sofa. Watching the flames. You’d devoured the semolina in one glutton go. And got a second serving. And really praised his skill. Fuck, this guy could be a restaurant owner.

His own dessert you fed him, which started out as a joke at first. But Levi soon slowly blinked, eating off the metal spoon. He should have some, too. Something sweet and warm especially. Your body should not be a substitute for his caloric intake besides a bit of bread.

Levi’s fuzzy gaze actually became tired and soft for the first time. He ate, because you really stuffed him. He became less rigid in posture. Almost curling a little. You could see the daily desperation leaving his body.

Needless to say, Levi did open a bottle of extremely heavy liquor that evening.

You were forbidden from drinking it for a certain reason. You liked to stay sober to begin with. Levi couldn’t be experienced like that on alcohol.

Head in your lap, he said nothing. Just getting drunk with glossy eyes. You talked to him at length. How you enjoyed everything and that he should shit on the incompetence of the Fuckassers, they just had to be stopped. Levi dissociated, drunk and dazed. He’d deal with those assholes later. You came first. Yeah, talk to me, woman.

The faded hums were further brought closer to sleep by your kisses onto those strongly alcohol-tinted lips. And his forehead.

Levi was so inebriated, his vision saw your outline softer and softer.

Pressed against your chest, the ball of muffles and curses slept with you on the sofa in a matter of 20 minutes. Levi sure would be able to drag himself onto a battle field somehow like this when the morning sun’s cruelty returned, because he was Levi, but the sleep before those hours was like he was sealed tight. Really resting. Switched off. And those were more than just two hours of napping. He slept six hours. For the record, that had never happened in his life. And the bottle wasn’t even empty.

 ---

With a still droning hangover mind, Levi gave you the lay of your life the next morning, hornier and more invigorating than ever. That was an insane ride. Levi didn’t care anymore. He was loud as hell. If this was Levi on six hours of sleep, what would he be like after eight? Nine? Invincible?

It dawned on you that he probably controlled his power by depriving himself nightly. Even though, yes, his insomnia was also about being on stand-by, always.

Thankfully, there was no alert that night. It worried Levi how „someone had to be plotting something, tch“.

 Um. Maybe half of Marley heard you getting your girlfriend off, but sure, continue.

 These people had to be terrified as fuck right now. Paradis‘ supersoldier number one, the crazy guy who was ready to do anything, was finally lacking in the sexual frustration department and had been initiated to the I-eat-kitty-club instead of sipping tea in his angsty room corner.

They hate to see a pussy eater coming… Levi knew damn well Zeke just didn’t have that energy.

Yeah, he clocked the beard. That’s why he hated it. That shit wasn’t ladies-friendly. Zeke just didn’t know how to be a gentleman. That was a lost art Levi was intent on reviving as of today.

 Despite the hardship ahead, the Ackerman was gratified that day. People (except Erwin, maybe) likely thought he‘d gone completely nuts or fully catathonic after shouting at the police like a rioter yesterday.

But hey, the sex was good.

„Ma’am,“ was the breakfast service’s shy question, „Did I make it anywhere near enjoyable?“

„Oi. Of course, Captain.“

And yes, Levi actually reacted to you imitating him. That was fun.

As for the morning spree? You could still feel him throughout the day. The climax had relieved you a lot. Levi seemed full of energy, rivalling Hange. A bit less tension in the personality than usual. Still strict, but he let some things slide now if it didn’t bother the Corps schedule.

Levi looked pretty cute in that morning glow of his, too.

You sent him off with a new cravat from your little archive box.

None of you had an idea that the Rumbling would take place sooner rather than later, though, and Levi was about to be blown up.

 ---

The days in the public kitchen were long, but he kept working harder. Streamlining the whole process. Harshly. Shortening the working hours by becoming more efficient, taking on what others couldn‘t. It was not a good solution, but he was still Levi after all.

He was as fast and accurate behind the stove as ever. And people really flocked to the kitchen. Levi felt good helping people. They were finally fed. He’d added some baby fat around his cheeks, too, but it wasn’t extremely noticeable to those who only saw him now, in Marley, for the first time.

To your dismay, he sometimes came home with heat bruises on the wrists and scrubbed his apron twice. Because he also cooked for his wife, no questions. The bruises he took care of when he was done serving dinner.

Levi had proposed as soon as you’d found a house in Marley. Bossy heichō, still stubborn, would not let you go. This start was for the two of you.

A life without this would be painful and empty, he knew that. Shame he could only see you with one eye these days. Science was advanced here, but could not fix this yet. He was still confident he could shoulder this relationship. And stand up for things that were right and just as always. Even if standing up physically was… what it so happened to be.

Difficult.

That wheelchair made him feel like he was permanently tied to his paperwork and desk, in a way. At least Erwin made it, finding a position in administration, two cities north from where you married.

Levi, who was at ease being bonded – even without his former powers - to someone even outside high-stress war times in a daily drudge, was hardened in his beliefs. He actually loved you more now.

Actively.

No more outside stress to lead a double life.

(„The sanitation is better here, too. Taking a shit was never easier.“)

Without the slave instinct telling him to bow, Levi knew he wanted you anyway. He was really glad to have a wife, honestly. Moth to a flame. And even if his eyes could see you less, the increased proximity meant he could feel you more.

The time you had together now. It worked out, living together.

Levi enjoyed the kitchen appliances and markets having a lot more options, and you found fabrics you didn’t even know the names of. The local stores were the garden of Eden. You kept your savings in check, no worries. Clients came in, too.

Over the weeks, Levi had become more touchy. Extremely so. He wasn’t as ‚clingy‘ as he was in the barracks. Danger everywhere. Now, though, words weren’t often needed. He curled himself up in bed, even, atypical to his stiff posture, and did not leave your side at night.

His physical pains fluctuated. The emotional hurt was a baseline. Levi was bitter. That didn’t change. At least he managed to get married and find a job. He was offered to train Marley soldiers, even with his disability, but strongly declined. Nothing good could come of this. Never again. He wanted to cook and clean.

The loss of his titan-infused genetic code also meant he was no longer an Ackerman in the former sense. Without it, Levi realized he needed you, and looked up to you because his heart and daily situations said so. He wasn’t that muscular anymore. Or the head of the spear, as he called it. Levi required people to rely on.

Buying bread in the mornings, together of course, he looked to where you stood in the queue, sunlight all around. Much unlike the musty bunker. Levi was still fascinated by the new images of this town. A cozy, taciturn, awe-like feeling. He escaped hell and was now rewarded with that.

Your integrity continued to be Levi’s priority:

No one was allowed to intrude. He would seethe imagining how anyone would touch you while he was busy churning soups. He realized the fear of loss was still tremendous with its grip around his tender, very damaged heart wound. Even the wedding ceremony was intensely private. It was also a grief process, in a way.

You’d lost many ties, too. Many tailors and merchants did not survive the Rumbling. You had to adapt to the standard of living, the culture, the fashions. Levi was also cast into this modern, buzzing world without most if not all the comrades he’d so cared about for years.

There really was no one from the old days except a handful of people. That was hard. He looked like it.

That’s how the man in the public kitchen always looked at his wedding ring when he was in a bunch of distressed thoughts. And those were sadly plenty. He didn’t even know why he survived the end of the world. Levi felt like he… well. He had to start from scratch, then. Very much in love, gladly.

You didn’t fight. After Paradis, that would just feel trivial.

While you studied and practiced the clothing of this society, he distracted himself with furiously performed husband duties. He still held and washed cups the same way. Polished his shoes the same, and they were never sloppy. His outfit was as clean, but seemed more bland in color, not dark as his prior blue-black camoflage. More beige, more greenish-brown.

One cream-colored shirt he even allowed to crease. Long as his new apron, the other was lost in a Rumbling fire, was left intact, no stains. You made it for him, and Levi got emotional over it.

 Trees were planted. He bought a fridge and washing machine. New bathroom tiles to fight the mould.

Levi was actually pleased.

He even got you a nice shoe collection and a raincoat that would be too laborious to make yourself. Shopping with him was a cute experience. Levi was never stingy, ever. Only with his own wardrobe and groceries.

 Levi still knew how to make your eyes roll back expertly. There was experimentation, but your favorite position still remained a staple, especially when Levi caught you in a white dress. He figured out the code there, huh.

His intact hand was still magic, and frequent on your clit, that did not change, either. Levi was still handsome, and even more ‚sleek‘ and distinguished in your eyes, like the tasty, perfectly shaped candied apples he often bought for you at the fair. Full disclosure, he got turned on accidentally seeing you eat it. Levi still wanted to embrace your hips and seduce you. That body of yours. Wheelchair be damned. He was drawn in. Your neighbors always talked about it across the fence, even they said Levi was so into you. Every angle, nook and curve, every bit of your self-made outfits.

Levi knew his meals played a role in how you lived and carried yourself, how much energy you had. He put a lot of effort into finding recipes that didn’t seem too elaborately wasteful. He just wanted things to be normal and healthy. From starving nights to glazed chicken meat. Levi liked to see you gain the missing weight, and your eyes being clearer due to working with daylight.

That was the biggest change. The circadian rhythm. Overcoming the inbuilt daytime fears.

Levi tried his best to plan the week to buffer those old mechanisms.

You went to watch a sports open-air event. Rode a ferris wheel. Had Armin over. Had calls with Historia how things went (Levi fucking loved Marley-style telephones). Helped rebuild places with your own bare palms. Had a lot of sex, if not a staggering amount. Went to the opera. Saw your first movie. You really, really fell in love with cinema after this. It stuck with you permanently.

After months, you could really say you had a good quality of life. Levi sacrificed a lot to achieve this.

You helped him with matters the wheelchair prevented, but Levi being Levi, he took many matters in his own battered hands. Even when cutting finer ingredients, even if the crucial fingers were gone. He used tape on knives, or his fist as a stump to hold things in place. Adamant, always.

Levi could still make you scream out loud when you needed it bad. He was shockingly good in bed at this point. You trusted him. It was the result of his efforts. Wanting to be a good husband was number one on the priority list.

Since… his desires certainly didn’t disappear as the clocks kept turning.

Playing the long game, no bullshit there. Levi didn’t believe in a midlife crisis. He’d seen people getting their legs eaten in a split second. His brain was beyond fucked up. Now that there was an opportunity to make a safe living, he wouldn’t be freaking wailing about himself like a selfish prick, or suddenly crave to be fresh and relevant. He had his 15 minutes and it’s been fucking awful. Stability was what he wanted instead. And love. And a proper woman who moved with the times, not fantasies or someone else’s insecurities.

Because, as you’d noticed, in contrast to many a divorced husband down the street fancying someone brand new all of a sudden, Levi liked his lady very… adult.

Getting those laughing lines and embodying a grown figure that had nothing to do with being eternally youthful like a wax statue.

Unlike with some creeps on the street, girls had never turned his head on the island. Young women, 19, 20, neither, not here, not back there. Levi was, let’s say, an enjoyer of seeing you mature over time, and loyal to a highly aggressive fault.

The blind eye pretty much protected him from most approaches, but if someone would flirt with him, he’d wave his wedding ring in their nosy face and spew his usual ‚get out of my face, you’re obstructing anyone else‘-tirades to them until they left. He was pissed off at all the cheaters out there, no matter their sex. Why marry if you couldn’t keep a promise and a person? According to him, one should prepare to like their counterpart when older. Although he put it a little more bluntly.

„I’m not saying you can’t do what you want… But why frills and those— cutesy ribbons for that new dress… oi, you’re not a kid in a curtain,“ he’d once commented when you asked what kind of design would look better for a piece you’d worked on privately. Well– Levi had taste, and he was right. The puffy sleeves were a bit much, and the fabric didn’t have to look like a whimsy baby cradle. The deeper berry shades were much nicer.

Fitting for Levi’s beautiful queen.

You’d grown into your age, too. No need to be infantile. Even your husband didn’t get the „are you 12 years old“ comments anymore, and that said something.

Playful designs weren’t bad, but you also had to account for the fact that the child you should be left in Paradis, much like Levi wasn’t joining an underground gang these days to knee-stab any aggressive goon squad that crossed his path and tried to rob his broken tea cup.

Instead, Levi got you flowers often, wordlessly. Set a cupcake onto your sewing desk. Hung out with Falco and Gabi. Went to a barber for once. Clipped his nails, not bullets.

You went to see him plant trees or iron clothes in kitchen breaks, or for lunch, because you also wanted sex. He closed the backroom chamber and turned you around. His thighs were weaker but his resolve fortified. Levi wouldn’t let any guy snatch you away just because they had more mobility, nor did you want anything else. The soup was top tier, anyways. You left the kitchen house fully served.

To your surprise, he‘d even started neck kissing, something he didn’t fancy that much before. The devouring of skin. If the hands were not intact, the tongue would do. „Working overtime“ as he called it, with cynical reference to that job of his, which wasn’t as delightful as being with his wife in bed.

He’d continue cooking until the government gave him a hefty compensation, remembering who that guy really was.

Financially, that was quite a boost to his meh bank account, and well, his plans for married life. Levi retired by then (…somewhat. He stubbornly helped out in the kitchen anyway from time to time, seeing many people queue. Couldn’t help it.). Not in the household, but that went without saying.

Lots of things to do there.

He made a beautiful and clean, wholesome, spotless, shining home, with many windows and a high-end feel. To equip the home ever so nicely around the holidays, which was also a new concept for the two of you, he had a good excuse to splurge more than he would do for himself. He wanted you comfortable, and not be disappointingly messy. Worth coming home from your sewing shop. Just on the other side of the street. Lots of clients came. Levi massaged your hands to unwind them often.

Although you were the one who often signalled the unconditional pride you had in your husband, he was the type to become critical of some men visiting to get a suit tailored. He had a keen eye there, because Levi’s jealousy had to be reasonable at least, not ‚just because‘.

Women didn’t hit on him anymore, seeing his heavy scars and disability, nor was the male population really into him for the most part. But you got men‘s attention all the way. That’s why Levi often showed up on patrol to bring you brunch or just paid you a shop visit, disciplining clients verbally if he saw they would be rude to you. Boy, did they learn.

Cat-callers? As good as dead.

Men who gave you their address, even as you declined? Pretzeled up in a ditch five minutes later.

A rival clothing designer, trying to sabotage your business, calling you promiscuous as a slandering lie? Socked in the groin.

Dudes who vandalized your store front? Dumped into the sewer.

‚Male friend groups‘ that tried to harass you walking home? Coincidentally confronted by a gangster throwing high-speed-rotating soup spoons with painful accuracy.

Clients treating you as a therapist, servant, or beginner? K.O.‘d with a barrage of hate speech.

Levi’s criminal impulses especially flared when he saw any tall man wink at you across the flea market. The string of insults hurled at that specimen was simply generational.

After a while, people in town did realize you should not be approached with the wrong intent. After a tiny man in a hat had drilled it into their biased brains.

Oh yes, Levi was an absolute fucking dragon hoarding his favorite shiny treasure there. Men really started to control themselves around you, knowing they’d be waterboarded with soap lye in their own kitchen sinks otherwise.

„Wash your grimy ass and shave it before you speak to my wife“ was his go-to sentence. Worked every time.

Once the clientele collectively knew he was an ex-soldier, and learned you were Paradisian, working your way up from the tanner slum, the respect increased as well. Predictably. You just rolled your eyes and went on working, honestly.

You had your generous husband. That’s how women described him, seeing you together. You agreed. Levi was meant to be married. It was security. At least in private.

Politics made Levi know the violent stupidities of humankind would repeat. There was a reason why he talked about suffering being a teacher a lot. The news never made him happy. He often wrote to Erwin about this, hoping it would make a difference.

He got exploded and had a whole titan thrown at him. The permanent damage gave Levi reminders. Other people should remember that hell, too. That’s why Levi became a „back then“ type of guy. You were on board with it, although you tried to remind him not to get bogged down. A collective effort could steer things in a better direction. That also applied to you as a couple.

Levi could live in a future-forward way with you now. The underground was no more.

The rumbling did shake Levi’s bunker, but he’d been correct to locate you there. The walls did not budge. His emergency instruction letter had been… more than useful, as always.

Levi dug you out of it. And tried his best to comfort you, getting you out of there on a cart, cape draped over your body to fend off the cold. Those had been hellish hours, days, but you could rely on him. And the food supplies did not run out like he promised.

But unlike how he perceived himself, Levi said you deserved to go on (cue Titanic). And were free to do whatever. Especially since he felt old, rattled, and physically destroyed.

You said you wanted to be with Levi. There had to be someone to appreciate your crisp lapels and well-fitting trouser cuts. And you didn’t think he was turned ugly by his bandages. In fact, you wished for the day they’d come off, and you’d go through this post-Rumbling valley with him. Levi taught you about being loyal and not giving up in any way, that you never forgot. So Levi went with you on a boat.

Things gathered. Money, tailoring equipment. Whatever furniture fit onto the cart (everything. Levi stacked it to perfection).

Hey, there were still corners to dust and scrub across the pond.

„Filth is fucking everywhere.“

So, Marley it was.

That’s how your husband rationalized that he was still alive, and should continue. Someone had to mop the fuckass floor correctly, tch.

If no one else removed the cobwebs, humanity’s cleanest was the chosen one for that. Zeke should lose his head a second time watching Levi thrive with that new vacuum cleaner like a boss. Best invention ever. Electricity!

 But all the jokes aside – you maintained that Levi survived because the people surrounding him paid back what he’d done for them, so he had been not only protected by his former powers, but the good faith surrounding him as well. And his own battle karma, if that existed.

Levi did go into deep contemplation when he heard that. He didn’t want to talk about it. But he knew it was true.

That’s also why you were still there, knitting in his bed, not in the arms of a bigger, younger, older, richer, smarter, sillier, more lighthearted or less detail-oriented guy. Levi’s decisions had come to fruition.

Did he realize it?

Sometimes. He wasn’t used to looking for the positives. The Marley sun at its zenith almost triggered a mixed feeling type of psychic breakdown in him for months. Sunrise meant riding on. Sunrise here meant: Time to hand out affordable or free food to people who appreciated it a lot. And going home to his wife. He didn’t ask you out in vain. He did not.

Gregarious man.

Losing his Ackerman powers also helped with his trauma, he did notice that. Without them, it felt like a reset. His usual instinct and berserk strength was dead and gone, and thus was unable to remind him of many things he really shouldn’t rehash daily. His speech towards others was less insulting. He didn’t feel so burdened anymore.

Levi being an increasingly passionate lay made his heart race and forget, and still shut off his mind, even when you were just grinding on him so cheekily in the autumn nights. He was like yes, do that.

He was a little proud of himself for pulling and keeping you, he couldn’t lie. Not everyone could boast such a loving marriage, and all the sexy times you had.

 Without his armour on 24/7, he had to get used to a new type of body feeling, but he was fine with it. Playing some music on your new grammophone set the mood, and Levi leaned back, hands on your hips. He was still open for free use, unless his leg was in the way, but he didn’t let that get in the way of working with your wishes. You both considered each other there. That also went without saying.

Only the silence of the new home was confusing. Levi woke up when vehicles passed. Voices outside, a pool of everything. Fortifying the windows or opening them to let life in?

Clean, ventilating air aside.

Levi sometimes switched off the radio or music, fearing he’d miss alarms. Sometimes, he wheeled to where he thought the cellar door was. Kitchen knives were still a thing for him, buying the best ones on the market, or even making them from scratch. He still polished his boots. But when he cleaned yours, that calmed him, and put things back to reality. Levi settled for nice dress shoes in blue, that was a much better transition to this life, he knew.

When you worried that you’d only met within the collapse of it all and a day without wartime would be hard to accustom to without breaking down constantly, you realized if you’d lived with him in the early Survey Corps years, he’d have an even harder time adjusting here, too.

Phew.

Levi already felt weak enough. He could not afford to fully start from zero there. And he wanted to offer you stability. Until the next armed conflict broke out, probably. Even if he was gladly disqualified from getting fucked up in the front lines again, that also left him so grim. He was below a regular soldier now, helpless to the bigger forces, like you. Except with no fingers, no powers, no eye, no maneuvering anywhere. Two kids attended to him. His friends were dead or scattered. He felt like someone could heckle him as humanity’s meekest now at any time he turned a corner.

That’s why he toughened up a lot in public even if he technically was much safer now. Levi’s brutal speech and gaze, however, did not mix well with Marley’s civilization whenever he felt provoked. He realized that and became more silent. Especially because of silence in his home being prevalent. You busily fixed suits. The household was regulated. Domestic things to talk about. Levi didn’t want to read and discuss books yet. Music became a staple, then, and he enjoyed it.

You knew the awkwardness of the second life had to be bridged and transformed. An old grey coat patched up and roughed could use… a new coat to substitute it:

So, when there was nothing to do, you went out to the countryside with him.

Levi fussed about sun protection, insects, and bringing food; you didn’t stop him. He wanted things planned, he wanted that blanket and that basket ready when needed for a picknick, he wanted an umbrella to fend off the intense summer rays and whatever tool prevented a hornet from attacking his beautiful wife. Give this man a gun! Okay, just kidding. He just used a stick. You liked how he was on top of those minute things.

Nothing was missing. Not even the affection no one thought Levi could ever give besides a head pat or a solid 3D battle defense. He felt – believed - like he mostly lost in that regard anyway. He shouldn’t carry around accolades or whatever. So Levi opened up and learned from the behavior of others, especially in the kitchen job.

On the way to the picknick spot, he drove the car he’d gotten with his hand on your thigh when traffic prohibited movement. He unloaded the trunk but kissed you first. He said your dress was nice (immaculate seams again, and a nice light fabric). Levi leaned back when everything was set up on the blanket and embraced making out with you.

He’d become a great kisser. Not too soft. Not too forward.

Pressing in when he got emotional, but not encroaching. Eye closed. Looking great against the sky backdrop when he was above you. And looking sweet when he laid on the blanket, underneath you who was definitely climbing his naked lap sooner or later to close the skin gap quickly.

Levi fucked so good, it was effortless. Despite his torn-up body, at that. He couldn’t be stopped pleasing you and moaning in his signature deep hoarse tone. If some stranger found this meadow spot and bothered you, Levi would take them down with a mere water bottle throw. Nobody disturbs the expert at work!

He was insecure that the scarring looked „unsightly“ and not as tidy in its healing process as he wished. But you had the hots for Levi and didn’t share that sentiment. The scars healed however cleanly it had been possible for them to do so. He was still extremely sensual. His face still got your pussy wet and twitchy. Even the way he read the newspaper had class that could not be bought.

Fucking in public was less classy, but you wanted him. The spot was remote enough.

And going to see wide fields with Levi felt like an out-of-body experience, really. No walls. No Titans anywhere. Watching the sea from a distant hill. Cliffs, sand, back there. Clouds being pretty. No tanning factories dialling up the smog in the air. No longer being on guard. Amazing.

 The only thing raining on his parade? He didn’t have any pollen allergy to speak of, but it still took a while to get Levi used to the blossoming, buzzing, bee-laden flora. Grass? Tons of it? Wheat, rocks? A hot fucking mess. But mowing them killed wildlife, and there was no other way to organize it… until Levi discovered the subject of gardening in a magazine.

Controlled, getting a hold on dirt, and it produced a small amount of hard-earned food? That was very Levi. With the gloves. And tools like ODM gear. Almost. He could swoop out of the wheel chair and sit on a plastic plane, leaning over the earth planting carrots.

And growing the most wonderful pumpkins for his wife that loved them very much.

Recovery time.

He’d rather exercise his will over that little carrot to grow into a delicious goulash ingredient than give up and rot alone, or go back. The Eldian Kings would hate to see Levi happy and living without his powers. Free from the slave mind at that. He could serve himself. Having someone he admired in his life was just a bonus, and he went all the way there, too.

Levi valued food even more because of this. He became such a great chef to you. It made him feel active. And a worthy, proper husband, too.

Unlike you who found comfort in life slowing, Levi somehow hated aging. He worked out a bit some time. Did small talk (or was it smack talk) with people at the bakery, to know the latest stuff. Bought a cream for his face. Moisturized it.

„To save what’s left, eh…“

Never had a hair sticking out from the shaved part of his undercut. Kept his belt neat, and his new cravat, too.

He even brawled with teenage scoundrels who mocked his wheelchair at a street corner, using an old man’s cane as an improvised weapon to boomerang the three lousy bullies into a pile. He bowling balled them by zooming right through the middle of the pack and then left, huffing with pride.

Black and blue, the three imbeciles did not return to town. The old man got his cane back. Not the last time Levi kicked some major ass downtown.

„Maybe I should join a gang…“

Okay, he was kidding with that one.

Even speeding motorcyclists feared him. He once threw a flat rock at a car’s trunk trying to accelerate after an accident with a middle-aged mother. Levi basically clobbered the fine out of the dumbass driver before the police even arrived.

The mom was shocked how someone could be so intitiative-taking. Until some people around obviously recognized Levi: „It’s that guy! The scarface!“

He disappeared sternly, pouting. You, however, were proud of your popular and sexy desperado husband giving the local police a run for their incompetence. That was your man! Hunting bullies was a life philosophy.

 Levi wrote some stuff down nowadays.

Now, paperwork was almost nostalgic. And a positive thing. He loved it. Unless he tried to write down historical records of Paradis, which was a different game. That… was left incomplete.

Until some time passed, he really didn’t want to think back again. This broken feeling of utter despair, and the memories of the ghettos. It was horrible. You sometimes found Levi face in his palms, bent over the desk. Brought him to bed, even though he did most of it himself anyway. The nightmare fuel on those papers shouldn’t rob his sleep again, no. You prevented that spiral. He really needed that tight hug before switching off the lights. Never in your whole life had you seen Levi so hurt.

The past came crashing down a lot. The headlines in Marley didn’t sound as peaceful as he’d painted it in his head with the last ounce of idealism, that was the problem. Shit people, shit life. He blamed himself, anyway. You knew Levi had wanted to stop the Rumbling earlier. He still felt like he wasted time, foresight, life.

The tears that night were hot and full of grievances, remorse. First time you were the one petting his hair gently for minutes on end. He didn’t speak a word. Grumbling, he drank his tea on the night stand, knowing the infusion of harsh black leaves would make him stay up. Knowingly, you had substituted the black tea concentrate with some camomille earlier. You didn’t usually interfere with Levi making food, he all did it, but this was an exception.

The emotional exhaust knocked him out later. He slept on the side that night, facing you only. He never slept towards the wall anyway, and rarely on the back, only when you leaned against his torso. But Levi needed your protection and you stayed close. Kissing Levi’s eye lids and not reprimanding him for struggling through his sobs because he did and could not let them out properly.  

How many things he‘d messed up. Death all around. Heads off. Trusted figures, gone and destroyed. A new world of Titans had to be prevented at all cost, he really emphasized that.

Levi even had a visceral response to hot springs in another town because the heated steam reminded him, and the hammering of construction sites were like heavy foot steps sometimes.

Daily life was a minefield sometimes. Levi was jaded. You understood it. He didn’t want to be a burden with his baggage, though. So he swallowed his misery and wiped the tears with his sleeve. He cussed himself out for being pathetic and not working hard enough for a good future. You felt for Levi and insisted to just rest for now. Erwin being into politics might be able to influence something. If not, Levi would become mayor. Until then, he should snuggle against you.

 Going through the roof, his jealousy was bordering lunacy the days after. How dare someone look at you, waste your time talking to you, be rude to his wife, stand in the way, be loud, have opinions on you, be demanding, et cetera. Levi was already feared on the block, at least by people deserving of his feral scorn. People nervously laughed it off at this point, and over the months, really knew their place.

A single person could change a lot, your husband was a great example. Should you ever divorce him (which would not happen, because Levi was your sweetheart), he’d still stalk any man who tried to lift your dress on the street until they fled the country. And you’d still make his trousers when he was an actual old man, for Christmas, probably.

Best-dressed in Marley!

Levi really did stand out wherever he went. It was hilarious to you. Maybe the mayor thing was not a bad idea.

If you thought about it, he had many things he wanted to implement. Lower bread prices… Cleaner streets… Petty tyrants would get their nuts kicked… No chewing gums on the pavement… Everyone had to honor his beautiful wife and leave her in peace… More recycling… Clean and cheap busses… Definitely no titan science… many nice fabrics and buttons and threads for you to tailor… accessible hairdressers… you know, things like that.

And tea for everyone.

And lots of time for Levi to kiss you, and take you for more candied apples. That really sounded about right.

...guess who wound up like this! (hint: his name starts with L and ends with EVI)

final note. he’s so insufferably sexy and clean 😭 i write a lot because we need more of that energy in guys 😅 reblog and comment if you feel the heat i mean bath tub steam. if you want to read more stuff i put my levi heart into:

| read/bookmark it on ao3 |

sub!levi hc / life after war au / physical affection hc

masterlist

© 2017 sugar-petals. all rights reserved. no reposts allowed. all depictions are fictional and for entertainment purposes only. do not copy, translate, or distribute my writing. no ai used.

[moviecritc]

what?? sasha braus also has feelings for you?? ╱ angst, internalized homophobia, this is more platonic!armin and reader than sasha. ˚.✦

Coming out wasn’t easy. But you needed that tight knot in your chest to loose, even if it was just a little. You were scared the night you told Armin how you really feel, how you pretended to have a crush on a guy to fit in, how you thought something was wrong with you because girls are much prettier and more interesting than guys.

You told Armin because he was your most trusted friend. For years, you and him were an anchor for each other. You knew he wouldn’t judge you. But you were terrified, you even cried to him, almost begging him to keep being friends.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I tried to change, I swear! I did all I could do, nothing worked…” He wrapped his arms around you after hearing your words, letting you cry on his shoulder.

“I don’t want you to change,” he murmured, rubbing your back. “Thank you for trusting me with this part of yourself, truly. I’ll cherish it like our friendship.”

After that, you spent all night talking, he listened to you the whole time, letting you express yourself and putting into words all the feelings you have repressed all these years.

Armin was the best friend you could ever find. You didn’t tell him to keep the secret, you didn’t think you should have.

You could finally breathe without the constant weight crushing your ribs. You laughed easier with the group and let yourself glance a little longer at the girls in class without that sick twist of shame in your gut. Sasha’s laugh still made your chest ache, but you buried it deeper than before. At least now one person knew. At least Armin didn’t look at you like you were broken.

You didn’t expect the prank.

It was lunch break, you were picking at your food when Sasha slid into the seat across from you, cheeks flushed, eyes darting nervously to the side where Jean, Connie and Armin sat a few tables away. Armin looked pale, like he’d seen a ghost while Jean and Connie were grinning like idiots, elbows nudging each other.

“Hey… um,” Sasha started, twisting her fingers together. She wasn’t meeting your eyes at first. “I’ve been thinking about this for a while. Like, a long time. And I… I really like you. More than friends. I mean, I think I’m in love with you or something. God, that sounds stupid saying it out loud.”

Your fork froze halfway to your mouth, your heart slammed against your ribs so hard it hurt. For one stupid second, hope flared bright and painful in your chest. Sasha. The girl who stole food from your tray and made you snort-laugh until your sides hurt. The girl of your dreams.

You opened your mouth, words tumbling out before you could stop them.

“Oh my god, Sasha, I like you too. I thought… I thought there was something wrong with me because I couldn’t stop thinking about you.” Tears pricked at your eyes, but they weren’t from fear this time, they were relief.

Sasha’s face went slack. The shy blush drained away, replaced by wide-eyed horror. Behind her, Jean’s grin faltered, Connie’s laugh died in his throat, Armin looked like he wanted the floor to swallow him whole.

“Oh shit,” Sasha whispered, she leaned back, hands flying up to her head. “Wait no, no, no. It was a prank. Jean and Connie, they made me do it. They said it would be funny. Armin accidentally told Eren, and Eren told them, and… fuck. I didn’t know. I didn’t know you actually—”

The words hit like a punch to the gut.

Your stomach twisted violently. The relief curdled into something cold and slimy, crawling up your throat. You felt your face burn, then go numb. Betrayal sank its teeth in deep, ripping open every scar you’d tried to hide.

“A prank?” you repeated. Heads were turning, someone snickered. “You… you faked confessing because they thought it would be funny?”

Sasha’s eyes filled with panic. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t think you’d actually… I mean, I like you as a friend, you’re awesome, but I’m not—I like guys, okay? It was just a joke.”

Jean muttered something under his breath, looking guilty now. Connie shifted uncomfortably. Armin stood up halfway, reaching out like he could fix it, but you couldn’t even look at him.

You felt disgusting.

Not just embarrassed, disgusting. The knot in your chest that had loosened with Armin snapped back tighter than ever, choking you.

You tried to change. You prayed, you dated guys, you forced yourself to watch straight couples and feel nothing but envy for how easy it was for them. And here you were, spilling your guts to a girl who was only pretending because your so-called friends thought your feelings were hilarious.

You escaped the cafeteria as fast as you could, choking yourself in embarrassment and tears. It took you a long minute to find a place far enough to let a strangled cry out of your throat. You tried to take a deep breath to calm yourself, but more tears infected your eyes.

You replayed the moment in your head as you sat yourself on the ground, hugging your legs. Her face. Sasha. She is... was the girl of your dreams, always making you laugh and blush, sharing clothes and doing sleepovers. That girl thought of you as nothing but a joke. An entertainment. You’re sure she even finds you disgusting.

You imagine the faces of Eren, Jean and Connie after finding out what you were. They probably laughed, already thinking about ways of ruining you.

Tears kept flooding your eyes, even after the bell rang, you didn’t get up to go to class. You wouldn’t be able to manage all the looks and whispers. You stayed there long enough that Armin had the courage to find you.

You looked up, breathing hard and messy. You waited for him to say something, he just stared at you. His face was red, he looked like he’d been running or screaming. His blue eyes were wide and glassy, darting over your face as if he could read every shattered piece of you written there.

You waited. The knot in your chest pulled tighter with every second he didn’t speak, every heartbeat that echoed too loud in the empty hallway corner you’d claimed as your hiding spot. Tears kept slipping down your cheeks no matter how many times you wiped them away. The taste of salt and shame coated your tongue.

Why did you trust him? The thought clawed its way forward before you could stop it. He was the only one who knew. The only one you’d let in. And now… Eren knew. Jean and Connie knew. Sasha knew. How many others? How long until the whole school looked at you the way Sasha had in that moment: horror mixed with pity, like you were something contagious?

Armin took one hesitant step closer. His lips parted again, but no sound came out. Just a shaky breath. He looked smaller than usual, shoulders hunched because the weight of what he’d accidentally unleashed was crushing him too.

You wanted to scream at him. Say something. Anything. Tell me it’s not as bad as it feels. Tell me you didn’t mean for this to happen. Tell me I’m not disgusting. But the words stuck in your throat. All you could do was stare back, spiraling deeper into the dark.

He probably regrets knowing me now. Everyone does. I should’ve kept it buried.

Armin’s gaze dropped to the floor. His voice finally broke through.

“I… I didn’t…” He swallowed hard, fingers twisting the hem of his jacket. “I never wanted this. God, I’m so sorry. It was just… I was talking to Eren and it slipped… I made him promise he wouldn't say anything, I really thought he’d understand. He’s my best friend too, but I should’ve known better. I should’ve kept it between us. I messed up. I messed up so badly.”

“You’re not… you’re not a joke. You’re not broken. I meant every word I said that night. Every single one. I still do. You’re my best friend and nothing changes that.” He finally looked at you.

The words hung there. But the spiral in your mind didn’t stop. He says that now. But what about tomorrow? What about when Jean makes another joke? What about when Sasha can’t even look at me without remembering how I confessed like an idiot?

You hugged your knees tighter “They all know now. They laughed, Armin. Or they will. Sasha’s face… she looked at me like I was…” You couldn’t finish. The memory choked you again.

Armin took another step, then lowered himself to the floor across from you, not too close, giving you space but close enough that you could see the way his hands trembled. He looked like he wanted to reach out, to hug you like he had that night, but he held back. The silence returned for a few painful beats, both of you trapped in your own heads once more.

He’s going to leave eventually. They all do when it gets real.

Armin drew in a shaky breath, forcing the words out again, voice steadier this time even if it wavered at the edges. “I can’t take it back. I wish I could. But I won’t let them turn this into something ugly. You’re brave for telling me. Braver than I’ve ever been about anything. And if… if you want me to talk to them, or if you just want to stay here until the day ends, or… or anything. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”

He paused, searching your face, the weight of his own guilt and fear clear in every line of his expression. The air felt thick, heavy with everything unsaid: your shame, his regret, the fragile thread of friendship straining under the pressure.

Still, he didn’t look away. Not this time.

"Stay... could you stay with me for a moment?" you asked, voice raw from the tears you weren’t able to stop.

He nodded instantly, finally sitting beside you comfortable, crossing his legs and pulling out a bottle of your favorite grape soda. He handed it to you without any words, you took it at the moment.

“I talked to Jean and Connie. They want to apologize to you,” Armin said. “Sasha too. But they understand that you don’t want to see them.”

You sipped the soda, the sweet grape taste hit your tongue, but it did nothing to loosen the feeling in your chest

“They want to apologize?” you finally whispered. You kept your eyes on the bottle, tracing the label with your thumbnail. “After turning me into their entertainment? After making Sasha pretend… after I poured my heart out like an idiot?”

Armin winced, shoulders curling inward. “I know. It doesn’t make it okay. Jean looked sick when I found them. Connie kept saying it was supposed to be harmless, that they didn’t think you’d… react like that. Sasha was crying in the bathroom. She feels awful. Really awful.”

You let out a bitter laugh that hurt your throat. “She looked at me like I was diseased, Armin. Like the idea of me liking her was the most disgusting thing she’d ever heard.” Fresh tears spilled over. You swiped at them angrily. “Fuck, not again. I trusted you with the one thing I’ve been terrified of my whole life, and within days it was cafeteria theater.”

Armin’s breath hitched, he wanted to disappear into the floor. “I know. I hate myself for it. I really do. Eren swore he wouldn’t say anything, he looked me in the eye and promised. But he thought it was funny, or… I don’t know, maybe he thought it would ‘help’ in some stupid way. I yelled at him. I yelled so loud my throat hurts. I told him if he ever does something like this again, we’re done. I meant it.”

He turned his head to look at you fully. “But that doesn’t fix what happened to you. Nothing I say can undo the way they made you feel. You were so brave that night, trusting me with something so personal. And I let you down. I’m so, so sorry.”

The spiral in your head slowed just a fraction, his words wrapping around the edges of the pain like a bandage that was too small but still better than nothing. Still, doubt gnawed at you. He says this now. But what if the group starts treating me differently? What if Sasha avoids me forever? What if they all start seeing me as the weird lesbian friend who can’t take a joke?

You hugged your knees tighter with one arm, the other still clutching the soda. “I feel so stupid. I really thought… for one second, when Sasha said those words, I let myself believe it could be real. That someone like her could actually see me that way.” Your tone dropped to a broken whisper. “Instead I just exposed myself. Everyone knows now. I can’t go back to class. I can’t face any of them.”

Armin hesitated, then very gently rested his hand on the floor between you, palm up. “You don’t have to face them today. Or tomorrow, if you’re not ready. I’ll stay right here with you. We can skip the rest of the day if you want. Whatever you need.”

He swallowed, voice softening even more. “And when you’re ready… I’ll walk with you. I won’t let them corner you or make it worse. If you want me to tell them to back off completely, I will. Your feelings aren’t a joke. They never were. You liking girls doesn’t make you disgusting or broken or anything less than the amazing person I’ve known for years.”

A shaky smile tried to form on his lips. “You’re still my anchor. That hasn’t changed.”

The tears kept coming, but they felt less like drowning and more like release now. Armin’s hand stayed there, waiting for you to decide if you wanted to take it.

You looked at him through blurred vision, the weight of betrayal still heavy, but his quiet steadiness fighting against it. 

“…Thank you,” you murmured finally. Your fingers brushed his palm, hesitant at first, then curling lightly around his hand. “I don’t know what to do about the others yet. I don’t know if I can forgive them. But… don’t leave.”

“I won’t,” Armin promised, squeezing your hand gently. “I’m right here. We’ll figure it out together. One breath at a time.”

The two of you sat there in the quiet hallway, hands linked loosely, the grape soda slowly warming between you.

bonus: when annie finds out she beats the shit out of jean, connie and eren and then asks you out on a date

[vennywrites]

Milk Teeth

Pairing: ExHusband!Erwin Smith x Reader

Word Count: 5k

Summary: You thought having to divorce your husband was the worst thing to ever happen. But seeing your child suffer the consequences is far worse.

Warnings: angst | hurt/comfort | topics of divorce | negative self-talk

a/n: idk what this is. had to work through some things I experienced at work so there's that. just have it. it's my birthday today so I'm sharing another piece of angst that's been sitting in my drafts for months.

The most humiliating part of your relationship with Erwin Smith was seeing it utterly fail.

The worst day of your life when you had to serve him the divorce papers over steaming cacio e pepe and salty tears.

But this almost takes the cake.

An appointment made months ago, ensuring he had it not only in his every calendar but his phone and on sticky notes glued to the very back of it - going as far as to message him just this morning, despite your reservations. He’d reassured you he would be there, he would make it in time, not to worry about it.

But now here you sit, ten minutes into your parent teacher talk at your daughter's kindergarten, and her father is a no-show.

Mila’s teachers are more than forgiving. The two ladies are a bit younger than you are, all soft voices and gentle smiles as they offer you a coffee and lead you into the group room of your child, now abandoned and empty. Drawings line the walls, lego buildings of varying size and integrity lined up on shelves and tables. You spot her picture in a line of small drawers, all bright-eyed and beaming. She’s younger there, only turned three - you recognize the ear of her donkey in the bottom corner, know it’s from her first day at kindergarten. It feels like an eternity ago.

They seat you on one of the tables close to the window, away from the glass door through which your child might spot you. Outside, the playground sprawls one story below. Among swings and sand boxes, slides and tricycles, children laugh and squeal. It’s the middle of the summer and you’ve slotted your talk right in the hour before pickup. All the latitude you gave him, time till twelve to sort out his affairs and make his way from the base to your meeting.

The cup in your hands is warm and comforting as you watch the children from where you’re seated, the kids chair uncomfortably digging into your lower back, legs angled to one side so not have to cramp them under the low table. Everything is child-sized - you feel like a foreign object in this tiny universe specifically created for them.

As you let your eyes wander, watching the various teachers spread out over the expanse of the garden, you spot your child beneath a tree, splayed out on a large, colorful blanket, shoes off and mismatched socks on full display - a book in her lap.

“Over there-,” one of her teachers points out, gesturing towards your child. You nod appreciative, not mentioning you already spotted her with her blonde hair and the rainbow tull skirt she begged you to wear today. Anything to be extra pretty for daddy.

“The two kids with her are her friends,” she explains. The woman next to you is Mila’s favorite teacher. Red-haired and soft-spoken, Petra Rall has introduced your child a year ago to the group and has been her chosen guardian ever since. It’s comforting to hear Petra’s voice as she points out your child’s companions. You know them by name, hear stories about them each day over lunch and during your evening routine. The boy beside her is Connie, if you go by the letters stitched to his shirt. A funny kid, all jokes and silly endeavors while Sasha, a girl currently splayed over Mila’s back, is known for always talking, two missing front teeth and still a wide grin on her face. They make a great trio, you think, and your daughter looks happy - it’s all you could ever ask for.

You watch them a few moments, grateful your child still seems happy and content, before you turn back around, chair creaking beneath you as you face both of her teachers. While Petra sits beside you, Christa stands at one of the shelves, organizing paperwork. She catches your glance, throwing you a quick, shy smile.

Stuttering, you struggle to apologize.

“I’m so sorry for the inconvenience. I swear I told him to be here in time, he’s… he’s had a meeting this morning, I’m sure he’ll be around soon…” It’s all phrases, studied words you’ve been saying for years. He’s never on time, the job is always more important than you or your child or any promises he makes.

Christa reassures you with gentle eyes. “No worries, Mrs. Smith.”

But after five more minutes, there’s still no sight of him and as your fingers fidget endlessly, cuticles red and irritated, you heave another sight. The small talk has ebbed off, you’re struggling to keep the conversation going, asking random questions about your child but the strain keeps getting worse as their eyes keep drifting to the clock and the door.

“We can start. I’ll- I’ll rely the information to him,” you eventually give in. There’s obvious relief in their faces and you hate the fact you made them wait fifteen minutes for nothing at all. Christa settles beside her colleague, pen and paper before her, glasses pushed up her nose and a butterfly clip in her hair. You’re sure a child left it there, but she doesn’t seem to mind - wears it proudly and beautifully. She clears her throat and almost looks pitifully at you before Petra starts to speak.

“So… we’ve come here today to talk about your co-parenting plan and how to best support Mila in the transition of your new family dynamic.” You sit alone on your side of the table, Erwin’s absence heavy and cold. The irony of the situation does not escape you.

Still, you smile at them and nod.

“We’ve tried very hard to keep harmony in the household. She’s in the loop about what’s happening and we’ve talked with her about the most evident changes,” you explain, voice oddly congested as you talk around the lump in your throat.

Petra nods understandingly. There’s a silver band on her ring finger, a square diamond at the center of it. It’s a slap to the face and yet you know you should feel happy for her. You still know the feeling of parading your engagement ring around. You hope she never has to be in your shoes.

Christa scribbles something on the paper, lips tight and concentrated as she scrawls down your words.

“How -,” you ask, because it’s why you came here to begin with. With or without Erwin. “How is she holding up? Is it obvious?”

They share a glance you wish you would have missed before Petra shakes her head.

“She’s doing great, really. She’s her usual bright self. We’ve caught her a few times trying to explain to her friends that her father moved somewhere else, but she’s been eager to point out that her dad stays her dad no matter where he is.”

Relief is short lived as you exhale the pressure on your chest. It’s a start. You’ve drilled the sentiment into her since she was an infant.

Then a knock sounds on the door.

All three of you turn to find Erwin Smith in the doorway.

Seeing him is enough to force the tears to burn behind your eyes, making you blink.

He wears his service dress uniform, the olive green suit decorated with a plethora of medals, orders and insignia along his chest. You know he had an important meeting but he had given his okay to begin with, the appointment made with both your agreement and time. So it’s utter bitterness and a will to force the tears away, that makes you glare at him.

“You’re late.”

He has the audacity to give you an apologetic look.

The girls across from you stare and you can’t even blame them. He looks good, he always does. Put together and powerful and utterly handsome. You once felt invincible at his side.

As Petra welcomes him in with a sheepish “Mr. Smith, glad you could make it,” he settles at your side, one empty chair between you, his whole frame too large for the setting you two find yourself in. He dwarfs you and you feel utterly miserable next to him.

You’ve convinced yourself anger is better than helplessness a long time ago. Anything to fill the hollow weakness in your chest, your mind as brittle as your toothpick-bones.

So it’s easy to glare daggers at him and hiss at him in angry puffs.

“We said twelve. You said you would make it in time.”

“I had a meeting,” he states. “Something came up. I told you to give me some leeway.”

You cross your arms. Outside, a kid cries.

“Five minutes maybe, not almost twenty.”

“I’m here now, please continue,” he offers, gesturing towards the women across from you. His utter calm infuriates you. You hate how well he’s taken it all, how you hurt in all the wrong places and struggle to keep yourself together at the seams while he grinds himself to the bone in the military machine and still manages to look at you with soft eyes.

You set your coffee mug down and glance out to ensure it’s not Mila who’s crying. She’s curled up on the blanket, book resting against Sasha’s head as her lips move.

“You know, if you’re like this, you can leave right away. I don’t need you here. This isn’t some military briefing, Commander-“ you speak his title like an insult, spit it in the empty space between you two. “This is about your daughter - so start acting like her father for once.”

He turns to look at you, regal face and angular features soft as he holds your stare with something utterly devastating. You know him well enough to see that he’s not angry. For months now, he’s taken every word you threw his way and cradled it close to his heart, as if you weren’t throwing daggers but flowers at him.

“I’m here. So please.”

You know his voice is soft only for you. Despite it all. It leaves you voiceless and so you just hook your fingers around your coffee mug and stare into the cream swirls of your drink.

Petra clears her throat, Christa pushes her glasses up and tries not to stare too obviously.

“We were just talking about Mila’s behavior in kindergarten. She’s her usual self here, she’s happy and open, she still willingly shares stories. A few times now she’s mentioned her father has moved but she’s determined to remind everyone you’re still her father no matter where you live.” She summarizes the previous conversation efficiently, smiling all the while. Erwin nods and gives an appreciative hum.

“We have books about divorce and different kind of families. Although we will not bring the topic to her, if she ever talks to us about it, we are more than ready to support her by answering her questions regarding the changes.”

“That’s good,” Erwin comments and you wish your eyes wouldn’t itch that much. You’re nothing but a spiteful creature - you want him to feel shame, to suffer like you suffer because there’s nothing else you can do. You’ve always been powerless against him.

Petra’s ring glistens in the sun that shines through the windows. Mila has left the blanket and the books, you find her running around a slide, Connie and a bucket of wooden chips hot on her heels. Her happy squeals are loud enough to drift through the cracked windows. It shatters something only a parent could feel. The hope of a whole, healthy family broken while your daughter is still blissfully unaware of the life you’ve forced upon her.

Contrary to yourself, Erwin holds the conversation effortlessly. It makes your ears ring, how he manages to ask all the questions that you have written down and folded up somewhere in the depths of your purse, without even consulting you. Despite his tight schedule and his high position that demands nothing but all of his attention, he’s clearly prepared himself. You hate how it softens you.

Silently you listen and watch your child play. She’s grown so much, a young lady in her own right, personality emerging with her primary teeth, now something that defines her. Her kindness, her quick humor, her stubbornness when it least suits you.

Only once Petra asks about your life at home, do you turn back towards the table and ready yourself to engage again. This is your territory. Ever since he left, Mila has stayed with you. If anyone can talk about her outside of kindergarten, it’s you. Erwin knows it too, because his whole body gently turns your way, eyes drifting from the kid-sized glass of water Christa offered, to your face. His eyes are kind as he asks you to speak with a small tip of his head.

“Well… she’s not doing great at home,” you start and feel the disappointment in yourself seep from every word you speak. Your tears mock you as they threaten to spill. Beside you, Erwin stays quiet. Christa stares at her paper, slowly filling with her delicate handwriting. Petra looks at you with utter sympathy. So you force yourself to speak despite the tears and the anger and the failure that makes up the whole shape of you.

“She cries about everyone and everything. The wrong socks, brushing her hair, what food I make her, if her toy falls over, when I’m in the same room, when I’m in another room. The smallest things tip her into a crying fit I don’t know how to handle them anymore. I try to console her but it takes her ages to calm.” Even now, just speaking of it makes her cries echo in your mind. High-pitched and never ending. It reminds you of a time you want to forget more than anything.

“Mila’s- she’s a clever kid. She’s soft. We try but she notices. She’s always been aware of how I feel. She offers me bandaids-“ you hiccup and when the first tear falls, your hands shake too much to wipe it away, so you clasp your fingers and try to will them to still. “- and demands to put them over my heart. She-“

Erwin has gone still beside you. He watches you, you can feel his gaze and have no strength left to meet his eyes. These are the things you tried not to tell him. The things he doesn’t witness because he’s never there. Never was there to begin with, even when your daughter and your foolish heart were still whole.

You force yourself to go on. It’s all you can do to look out for your little one.

“She has nightmares. She struggles to fall asleep. I have to read her the same story each night. She’s been wetting the bed a few times now. Mila hasn’t had a problem with sleeping in her own room for almost a year. The door stays cracked open, she has a night light, she has this muslin blanket that’s been with her since birth, her donkey, there’s a shirt of each of us in bed. But it’s not even midnight and she cracks the door open to my room and crawls into bed, c-crying.“

Your voice gives out and a sob tears from your throat. You’ve only ever been pathetic and weak compared to her composed and calm father. Christa’s pen scrapes over the paper while Petra tries to offer you tissues. Miserable as you are, you take it and cover your face with your shuddering palms.

Then a warm, steady hand settles at the base of your nape. Erwin doesn’t speak as he rubs gentle circles over your spine. It’s a gesture that’s been with you for all of your relationship, ingrained in your nervous system, your body has no other response than to settle itself in the comfort of his presence.

It takes minutes for you to be calm enough to lower your hands. Your face is hot with shame and tears. You’re grateful his hand stays where it is as Petra offers gentle encouragement.

There’s no immediate fix. If any fix at all.

Mila’s teachers talk about patience and habit, about reassurances and routine as if you haven’t tried all of it already. You once took pride in your patience - now you’re nothing but a dried-up well, cracked wall and rotting from the inside out. A shell of your former self - someone you do not recognize when you stare in the mirror, when your voice fills the space of your empty home.

In the end, you’re boneless and sapped.

Christa has written all your misdeeds, all your shortcomings on paper. Petra fiddles with the ring on her finger and you wonder what she must think of you. Of this ruin of a family, of two parents unable to look at each other.

Erwin’s hand has found a home at your back - he’s not let go ever since your first cry and the weak, lovesick part of yourself is grateful for his steady hand. He’s always been your save haven, your rock in a storm. Even if you yourself are the storm. He remains steadfast and unyielding.

By now, your coffee is cold. The garden is quieter now too, approximately half the kids already picked up, your child somewhere you can’t see.

“Could we have a few minutes?” Erwin requests, voice still calm and even and of course they give you some grace, leave the room where you sit on the too small chairs, his arm awkwardly extended to reach over the space he left on purpose.

Only once the door closes does Erwin stand, chair skidding back and almost falling over as he pulls you gently up and into his arms. You’re too drained to fight him, too miserable to do anything but wilt into his embrace as his arms curl around you, your head finding the space on his chest where his heart beats for the three of you.

He’s never known anything else but to keep going. There’s no fiber of his being that knows how to give up. You knew this when you married him, knew this when he first approached you, all confident and young enough to blind you with his cerulean eyes.

The dream lies scattered by your feet. Forgotten in your daughter’s room and the cold side of your bed.

Erwin doesn’t say anything. You’re grateful for it, glad he doesn’t whisper sweet nothings into your ears. Glad he doesn’t speak of things you know can’t be true.

You let yourself cry until there’s no tears left and your face is flushed. He peels you from his chest just enough to cradle your face, push the tears away and rub the salt into his thumbs. You stare at the badges and medals on his chest and hate each of them like they personally insulted you. In some way, they have.

Pliable and tired as you are, you let him care for you. You know he likes it that way and you’re too exhausted to put up a fight. All the anger dissipated - all the steam has escaped through the cracked windows, leaving you hollow and empty. So Erwin dries your tears, strokes the soft pads of his thumbs against your lashes, fixes your hair. You let him until his hands slowly sink to his side and the absence of his touch burns more than the touch itself.

You give a pathetic sniffle.

“Sorry,” is all you can say in place of gratitude. He sighs through his nose, you watch the medals shift as his chest rises and falls. “Go- go get your daughter, will you?”

It’s been the only reason for her rainbow skirt, the multi-colored socks of stripes and flowers, for the giant grin on her face all day because she knew her daddy would be there to pick her up. A rare occurrence - maybe even a one in a lifetime chance. The times he’s been here can be counted on one hand.

Erwin hesitates. His hands twitch but he does not reach for you again and instead raises his hand to your face again, sets one more strand of hair in place before collecting your forgotten coffee and downing his glass of water, pushing the chairs back against the table and wandering towards the exit. He leaves the door open and you can hear him in the hallway, among exited voices and stern parents. He thanks Petra and Christa, offers to put the dirty dishes in the kitchen, asks to pick up your child.

Like any other time, Erwin pushes on, keeps moving, always moving and you can hear his shoes on the metal stairs as he makes his journey towards the garden.

But you are frozen in place. You are weak and pathetic and miserable, a failure in all of it. Unable to care for your child, yourself, your partner. Part of you wants to stay here, among the paradise for little souls, bright colors and stuffed animals, carpets with prints and toys galore. You want to hide behind it all, watch from the window, don’t let Mila see how weak you are.

But she’d asked you to be there this morning. Was excited to have both of you pick her up. You know she will ask for you once the first excitement vanishes. So you blow your nose into the soggy tissue and force yourself to move.

Through the cracked door, you can hear the teachers. You recognize Christa’s voice, Petra’s too. They speak hushed but as you come closer, you can make out their words. They pity you. It drips dark and gooey from their words as they reiterate your conversation to another colleague. You clear your throat and attempt to cough before stepping out into the hallway.

They are gathered around the kitchen island, wide-eyed as you appear. You must look horrible. Eyes red-rimmed and puffy, glistening with the tears you try so hard to hold back. Your hands still shake. But still, you smile at them, and they smile back, something pitiful and compassionate. You know that none of them know what it’s like, but their soft hearts, their all-encompassing empathy, demands it.

The stairs to the garden seem never-ending. Your purse is slung around your shoulder but it slides down to the crook of your elbow every other step and when you finally make it through the door to the playground, the sun beats mercilessly down on you all.

Erwin stands only a few steps ahead, hands in his pockets. Even here, the adults stare. Parents and teachers alike all side-eye him and his uniform. With the base so close and military personnel all about, you’re still not used to the stares. You were unyielding when it came to finding a kindergarten. You’d wanted nothing more than for her life to be normal. You’d refused the kindergarten on base, didn’t want her to be raised among rigid military rules and constant combat training. So you’d agreed to pursue a place several towns over. Here, everybody seems blissfully unaware of your husbands work. Here, he is an outlier. Here, he is a hero.

Quietly, you step up beside him and you can see his hand twitch again, although he refrains from lifting it. Instead, he points towards one of the sandboxes where Mila sits, yellow shovel in one hand while a bucket sits ontop of her head like a weird little helmet.

Somehow, he has not called for her yet and none of her friends know he’s her father. For a moment, the both of you get to watch her play, hear her words as she shovels sand into a small container before handing it to Sasha.

“… it’s stawbewwy. Or choco with spwinkles.”

Sasha beams and unceremoniously dumps the whole container into a bigger bucket. “It’s spinach, eeewww!”

Connie, from behind them, also a makeshift helmet on his head echoes her. “Ewwww!”

Mila joins in too before filling the container again and declaring it’s spinach with sprinkles now. They all laugh when Sasha yeets the whole sand mould across the garden. It clatters and spills and one of the remaining teachers is quick to call her to action, cleaning it all up.

All three of the kids pout but Mila is the first to scramble to her feet, brushing the sand off her clothes before climbing out of the pit and marching towards the spilled sand. As Connie follows her, he spots you.

Obnoxiously loud and with an almost evil cackle, he starts shouting: “Mila, time’s up, pick up!” He sings it like a rhyme, dancing towards your daughter as he points his chubby fingers towards you.

It’s a daily procedure. Almost all parents get announced the same way, the time of pick up becoming the time they have to stop playing. Any other day, Mila might start to cry but today, she only swirls around, skirt billowing as her sky-blue eyes find you and her father. She screeches like a demon before she comes darting towards the two of you, arms outstretched and legs so fast she barely manages to keep upright.

She jumps too soon, blindly trusting her father will catch her. Of course he does, already bend towards the ground to stop her flight and twirl her around as she’s flung happily through the air.

It’s been a horrible long while since you’ve last seen her so happy. The fact you could never pull a reaction like this from her stings somewhere so deep, you don’t dare examine it closer.

Her screeching rings in your ears even after it stopped, as her face is buried in his neck, military pins uncomfortably digging into her soft skin. But the grin is so wide, you can even see it while she’s hidden, cheeks round and flushed, whole body tense with excitement.

Then, a grabby hand reaches for you. She does not demand your attention with words, but she reaches and leans, leaning from her father’s arms into yours. He’s gentle as he hands her over, holding her steady while you balance her weight, her legs wrapping around your hip.

It’s become harder to hold her. She’s heavier now, so large that she does not longer comfortably fit against your hip, legs dangling, head knocking against yours.

But she grins at you with bright blue eyes and so much happiness, you swallow the tears down and give her a kiss. Mila melts into your arms.

It takes a few moments before you catch Erwin’s gaze, something tender and unguarded and loving in his eyes that you do not want to see. So you turn, head to leave as you wave the remaining teachers goodbye. Behind you, you hear him follow and in your arms, Mila wriggles as she reaches for her father again.

You don’t even make it to the stairs before she demands to be returned to her dad again and instead of risking more contact, you just set her down, where she happily grabs his hand and drags him upstairs. Erwin follows with a chuckle, something unmasked and real as she shows him everything he’s already seen. You follow with a sinking pit in your stomach.

From the kitchen, Petra and Christa watch closely as you walk by, trailing after your family with lingering hesitation. You’ve never done this before. How does this go now, how are you supposed to separate her again from her father?

And it does not even take the span of time until she has her backpack on her shoulders that she looks at you with her father’s eyes again.

“Can we get ice cream?”

You want to say no already, want to tell her there’s lunch at home, that dad has to go back to work, that anything is better than spending longer in his presence - but Erwin smiles in that certain way you know means trouble.

“It is rather hot outside, isn’t it, sweetpea?”

Mila nods very eagerly.

“There’s lunch at home…” you try, despite it all.

“Just an ice cream, pweaaaase!”, Mila begs and your eyes flicker back to Erwin. He smiles at you in that unbothered way as if your hearts aren’t shattered. As if you’re still his wife.

“Just an ice cream - I’ll pay, and I’ll get you both home afterwards,” he takes a step closer, a hand back on your nape where it’s warm and heavy. “Promise, just an hour.”

Something twitches beneath your right eye but you ignore it. “An hour,” you agree and Mila screams her success loud enough the whole kindergarten hears.

In the kitchen, Petra smiles and in his car, there’s still her safety seat, pink and littered in tiny flowers.

When you strap her in and slide into the passenger seat, clutching your bag against your stomach like it contains all the shards of your heart, Erwin brushes his fingers against your thigh before pressing the engine button.

You know he thanks you, without saying it. Instead of acknowledging it, you stare out of your window and watch Mila happily wriggle in the side view mirror.

Oh, how you’ve ruined this family.

a/n: thank you so much for reading. Comments, likes, shares and thoughts are appreciated ♥

[levionlyyours]

𝐎𝐧𝐞 𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐬 // 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

⤷ ゛here are my one-shots! they are a minimum of 1,700 words and go as long as I can write them! you can check out my main masterlist for my other works! ˎˊ˗

𐙚₊˚⊹ genre index ꒱ ₊˚⊹ ᰔ. fluff = ♡ angst = ☆ smut = ✘ dark content warning* = ⚠︎ recommendations/favorites = ♛ requested fics = ☼

* Dark content = dub-con or non-con works

Looking for something specific? Check out the Search By Trope navigation!

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divider by: pxrce-lain

[xoshiitaa]

eren's canonically pathetic. just saying. don't come for me lol.

a princess and her knight; eren jaeger

things to know: one-shot, knight!eren, princess!reader, medieval era, forbidden love, angst, lowercase intended, use of y/n but with purpose?, not proofread, yes this is based on that tiktok trend sue me

"thank you for everything, lady yvette," you abruptly said in a soft tone, an octave higher than a whisper. "i can take care of the rest. i'll see you outside, okay?"

your handmaiden brushed your hair one last time before looking into the mirror and noticing why you had stopped her. your father, the king's most trusted knight, was standing outside your door—eren jaeger.

you had known eren ever since you turned seventeen, which was over three years ago. he was young, just a year older than you when he sought asylum from his home country, germany. he was appointed to be a knight for your kingdom, but your father had other plans for him.

eren had shown the most dedication, resilience, loyalty, and strength amongst the other soldiers of the batch. because of that, your father decided he could take on the responsibility of being your personal guard—your knight in shining armour. your life or death would be in his hands. if anything were to happen to you, eren would be executed, and he agreed to those terms.

being a knight meant having status. whatever conditions that status came with, he would take on—being shunned, imprisoned, stoned, lynched, beheaded; anything that resulted in his inevitable death, he was more than willing to endure. he was confident in his skills and knew it would never have to come down to that. as long as he had decent food, clean water, warm shelter, and an income, he was content with his way of life. it would be better than the life he left behind in germany.

what he wasn't prepared for was falling in love with you.

his great helm was off, revealing his messily tied hair that you barely got to see. you had a full view of his green eyes, dark eye bags, lively skin, and soft nude lips. his helmet was cradled in his left arm as he patiently waited for lady yvette to say her goodbyes.

"no, thank you." she had a tainted smile resting on her face. she wrapped her arms around your shoulders and chest, giving you a tight hug. "i'll miss you, princess. don't you dare forget me."

you held back tears. tears that your handmaiden failed to keep in. lady yvette had taken care of you ever since you were born, probably even more than your mother. she knew everything about you, the good and the bad, but still loved you unconditionally.

she also knew about your feelings for eren.

your affair with eren.

"don't be ridiculous, lady yvette." you held onto her arms, voice slightly wavering. "i could never forget you. may the lord strike me down if i ever do."

she held onto you for as long as she could before leaving the room and shutting the door, giving you and eren privacy. you stayed seated in your chair, watching him from the corner of your eye as he gently placed his helmet beside your white wedding gown laid out on your bed.

he stood behind you, where lady yvette stood. "are you ready?"

you couldn't make eye contact with him. you weren't sure if it was guilt, disdain, or the impending misery. "i need to put my gown on. i'll need some help tightening it."

"of course."

he turned around while you put your wedding gown on over your petticoat and slips. it made your heart sink deeper. he was acting as though he hadn't seen your body before.

the gown was made for royalty, stitched with a future that was already decided for you. the upper half was a corset, made with the finest silk and lace. the bottom half puffed out a bit, and a long train followed it. your veil was made with the same lace as the sleeves and corset of your dress.

it was a beautiful outfit. what a shame it was worn for the wrong person.

it should have been eren.

"i'm ready," you muttered.

he turned around. as soon as he got a good look at you in your wedding gown, he wasn't sure he could do this anymore. something in him broke. he was no longer the king's strongest knight—he had fallen, succumbed to you.

he stared at you like a man staring at the life he could have had.

if only he'd been someone else in this life.

he inched closer to you, beginning to tighten your corset. his fingers carefully grazed your spine, as though he feared the silk might bruise beneath his touch. you felt his breath on your skin, his lips placing soft kisses from your neck to your shoulder blade—one kiss after another, slower than the last, like a farewell disguised as affection. "you look beautiful, y/n."

you turned to face him. neither of you moved for a while. his eyes dropped to your lips, and he let out a shaken exhale that sounded like he had been holding his breath for years.

he kissed you like a man who had already chosen to lose you. the kiss was tender. it hurt even more because it wasn't rushed or desperate. it was slow and familiar. it was second nature. a habit. a memory. home. your home. his lips moved with devastating patience, like he was engraving the memory of your touch into his soul.

when he finally pulled away, he rested his forehead against yours. for a moment, it felt like the world outside of your bedroom did not exist. it was just the two of you—not a princess and her knight.

"eren," your breath hitched. you placed your hand on his jaw. "let's run away."

he suddenly tore himself away. it's not because he wanted to, but because he knew he wouldn't stop if he didn't. he knew he would give in to your absurd plans if he didn't. the warmth from his touch bled away as he stepped back. "i'm sorry, princess."

"stop calling me that," you shouted before stepping closer to him. you held his hands, lowering your voice again. "eren, please. i'm begging you. please-"

"i'm sorry," he repeated, pained. "i should not have done that. you're spoken for."

"to hell with that!" your lips quivered, still trying your hardest not to cry. "you're supposed to protect me. that is your duty. so please, eren, protect me. save me from this marriage."

"y/n-" he stopped himself. "bounties would be put on us. they would look for us until every corner of this earth has been searched. we would always be on the run. no money, no security, no freedom. that is no way to live. you do not deserve to live like that. trust me, i would know."

"i am fine with that," you replied. "believe me, i am fine with that. as long as i'm with you, i don't care. i will be fine. don't decide that for me. don't take that away from me."

his expression softened. it wasn't cold or dismissive. it was unbearably mournful.

"i love you, y/n. i'd die for you," he murmured, bringing your hand to his lips and pressing a kiss onto your ring finger—the one soon to be bound to another man. his touch lingered, and his eyes were closed. "but i can't ruin your life."

when he finally let go, he set your hand down gently. he put his great helm on, straightened up with his shoulders squared, and stomped his right foot once, reporting for duty once again. "let's go, princess. your groom awaits your arrival."

the ceremony was held in the grand cathedral at the heart of the capital. sunlight filtered through stained glass windows, casting deep reds and golds across the marble floors. the air smelled faintly of jasmine and burning incense, and a choir sang from the upper balcony, their voices echoing against the high ceilings.

white o'hara garden roses lined both sides of the aisle, tied with silk ribbons in the pink and gold of your kingdom. nobles filled the pews, dressed in their finest. everything felt still, reverent, as if everyone in the room understood the weight of the occasion.

it felt like a moment carved into history at the cost of your misery.

you stood at the altar beneath a towering arch of flowers and fabric, hands joined with your groom’s. the priest spoke ancient vows written for royalty. your now-husband slid a victorian pearl and ruby ring onto your finger. you adjusted it, trying to settle the weight of it. the wedding band felt strangely cold against your skin. it was nothing compared to the warmth it held when eren’s lips were there instead.

once the ceremony ended, the church doors opened and a breeze carried in the faint sound of bells from the kingdom outside. guests tossed petals as you and your husband walked down the aisle together, arms linked. the choir continued singing, softer now, harmonizing with the muffled cheers from beyond the cathedral steps.

your gown trailed behind you in a long sweep of lace and white fabric. your veil caught the breeze softly every few steps. your husband kept a gentle pace beside you, offering his arm, occasionally glancing down with a quiet smile.

the knights on both sides of the aisle dropped to one knee as you approached, armour clinking in unison. heads bowed, swords grounded in front of them in a formal salute, their right hands over their hearts with their fists closed as a gesture of unwavering loyalty to the crown.

you kept your eyes forward at first. it was easier that way. easier to pretend this was just another procession and not the start of a life you never asked for. but you should have known by now that nothing in your life would ever go according to plan.

your eyes shifted ever so slightly, barely noticeable enough to betray that you were looking for him.

eren was the final knight on your left. his armour was polished, reflecting stained glass light across the steel. he knelt like the others, sword pressed to the floor, but his posture was straighter. his helm tilted just enough to face forward, not fully bowed.

you weren't supposed to look at him. you didn't turn your head. you just let your eyes slide toward him for half a millisecond, like second nature.

through the narrow slit of his helm, his lashes shimmered, but it was distinct from steel—they were tears. tears held painfully still. one clung to the edge of his eye, refusing to fall. he didn't blink. he didn't let it move. he held himself together for as long as you stayed near him.

that's when you broke.

all of a sudden, tears were involuntarily flooding down your face. they hit fast and hard, your face crumpling before you could stop it. your breath came out uneven, like a choke, and you tried to swallow it down, but it only made the next sob louder. you didn't cry gracefully. you couldn't. you were falling apart.

he didn't falter. he didn't reach for you. he only bowed deeper at the exact moment you passed, as though honouring the crown while mourning the end of you two.

your husband's grip on your arm tightened for a moment, forcing you to relax. your skin under the ring felt even colder. you tried to control yourself to the best of your abilities before you looked forward again.

the sunset hit you, bright and loud and undeserved. as the kingdom roared and followed you out, eren stayed inside alone. he remained knelt behind you like a prayer no one heard. you didn’t need to look back to know he had fallen apart too because your heart felt it.

he gave the kingdom his loyalty and gave you up with it. he would regret it for the rest of his life.

for eternity, even.

you kept walking because your body was moving on its own. your heart hadn't caught up yet.

in fact, you don't think it ever will.

@xoshiitaa