Ever since I was young I’ve heard a beautiful voice in my mind that would sing the most breath taking notes I have ever heard. Apparently almost everyone has this, and some claim that the voice is the voice of your soulmate. Sometimes I wonder if my soulmate hears my voice when I sing, too. I'm in high school, studying music creation and learning how to perfect my guitar playing skills, along with piano and violin. I want to be great one day. I want to be a world famous singer and instrumentalist.
My dad works as a police officer in town. He and I are very close compared to me and my mom. Our personalities have always clicked, meanwhile my mom and I's have always clashed. I often visit my dad in the office to bring him dinner. He works a lot, mainly during the night shift to watch over the cells. Normally there's one or two drunks waiting around in the cells for tomorrow, but on occasion I see a very handsome boy with silver hair and a rat tail trailing down his back in the cell. How someone so good looking wound up in a cell over night beats me. We've never had the chance to talk, but something about him intrigues me.
The office is dark as usual when I arrive, my dad waiting up front to lead me to the back towards his desk. I eye the three cells. In one a drunk I see in here occasionally sleeps on the bench attached to the wall. In the third cell, I spy the silver haired boy. The two of us make eye contact and for a second my heart stops. I quickly advert my gaze back to my father, sitting at the desk adjacent to his, putting my feet up. "What'd your mother make for dinner tonight?" He looks excitedly at the brown bag.
I laugh. "See for yourself." He won't be happy. My mom didn't want to cook tonight, so we ended up with fast food. My father loathes fast food. Sure enough, he peers into the bag and lets out a loud groan.
"Not greasy burgers again," he pushes the bag aside. "I want to eat dinner with my family for once." He sighs. I open my mouth to reply, but I'm cut off with my dads walkie going off. "Requesting back up, all units to 43rd street asap. That means you, Officer Lee." My father looks to me, and to the inmates behind his desk in the cells. He turns back to me. "I have to go on this call. I can trust that you'll watch over these guys until I get back, yes?"
I nod. "Of course. Go ahead." My dad smiles and plants a kiss on my forehead before gathering his gun and heading for the door. I whirl around in the office chair to see the boy already looking at me.
He flashes me a smile, putting his arms through the openings in the cell and leaning against it. "Miss Lee, can I ask your name?"
I cross my legs and raise a brow. "My parents taught me not to talk to strangers. You could be a serial killer for all I know." I shrug.
He laughs. "Do I look like a murderer to you, miss?"
"Anyone can be a murderer. So yes, you do." I smile at the defeated look on his face, though I quickly give in. "My name is Haneul."
"It's nice to finally meet you. You can call me Zen." He grins. "And now that the introductions are out of the way, I have to ask..." He looks at my face and sighs. "Do you do your own makeup?"
I'm taken back for a second. "Of course I do, why?"
"Well," he starts. "I've been in a couple of plays. The makeup artists kind of sucked." Zen shrugs.
I laugh. "They put makeup on someone like you?" He raises a brow, not sure what I mean by that. I elaborate. "I just mean that uh, to put it lightly, you're beautiful."
Zen doesn't seem to be shocked at my statement, he just wears a sly smirk. "I said the same thing. They told me everyone that goes on stage wears makeup, so no exceptions, I guess."
I look him up and down. He wears black ripped jeans, although they seem to be ripped by personal use versus jeans that you can buy that way. He wears a black and white striped t-shirt, exposing his well toned arms. I swallow hard, looking back to his piercing red eyes. "So what does an actor have to do to get thrown behind bars, huh?"
Zen looks down at the floor, heaving a deep sigh. I guess my question was kind of personal, but to my surprise, he answers. "I'm a starting actor, my job doesn't exactly pay the bills... I got caught stealing from a gas station down the road."
"You do these things often then?" I ask.
"Yeah." He frowns, twiddling his fingers, avoiding eye contact. "I'm not proud of these things though, Haneul. I'm not a bad person."
"I don't think you are." I shrug. He looks up to me slowly, a half smile spread on his face. "It just means you'll do whatever it takes to make it in this world, and to achieve your dreams. I respect that."
Zen smiles now. "You're right. I want to see my name and face on billboards. I want people to be talking about me everywhere..." He looks off into the distance with a wide smile on his face. "And most of all, I want to move people with my acting."
I nod. "I think we have similar dreams, Zen. I want to be a world famous musician."
"We'll accomplish our dreams, Haneul. One day..." He trails off, looking at his feet.
"Hey, since you're an actor, that means you sing too, right?" I change the subject to something lighter. I want to hear if his voice is any good. Zen nods. "Sing to me." I give him an innocent smile and bat my eyes a couple times.
He huffs. "Okay. But only a few lines." I nod excitedly. He clears his throat a few times and when he begins to sing, my entire body is engulfed in chills. I feel them tingle up my spine and rise on my arms and legs. I couldn't deny that voice even if I tried. It's the voice in my head. When he stops I look at him completely different. Does he hear my voice when I sing, too? What if he's my soulmate but I'm not his? "Was my voice really that breathtaking? You're speechless." Zen laughs, pulling me from my thoughts.
"Oh, I'm sorry." I scratch the back of my neck nervously. I turn around in my chair and rummage through the desk I sit at. I grab a pen and paper from the drawer and scribble my phone number, along with my name. I fold the paper and put everything back how I found it. "I-I just forgot my mom wanted me home because I have to practice piano. Call me, though." I hand him the paper and flash him a smile.
"I'll call you when I get out. Take care, Haneul."
I nod. "You too, Zen."
After voice lessons that evening, I make my way home, silently hoping that my mom will have dinner ready when I get there. My stomach is growling just thinking about it... The warm April breeze blows my hair into my face. I grumble and shake it from my eyes. I hear my phone start to ring, although it's neither my mom or dad's ringtone. I rummage through my bag and answer it, the number unknown. "Haneul?" A familiar voice asks.
"Oh, hey Zen! You got out finally?"
"Yeah. Since I didn't actually take anything from the gas station and they didn't catch me on video, I got off with a lifetime ban from that place." He sounds happy when he tells me this. "I have something I wanted to ask you though, and you have to promise me something."
"Hm," I think for a second. 'It depends on what you're asking me to promise. I take them very seriously."
"Promise you won't think I'm crazy?" Zen asks.
I scoff. "I can't completely promise you that... But if I think you sound crazy, I won't tell you."
Zen huffs. "Good enough. I was wondering though... Sometimes I-uh... I hear a voice in my head... But her voice only sings, and she sounds beautiful..." He trails off again, not sure if he should have confided in me or not.
I decide to quiz him. "What was the last song she sang?" If he sings the song I sang in voice lessons today back to me, we're soulmates. He hums the tune to the song I've memorized the lyrics to, and I sing them back to him. The line goes silent almost immediately after I start to sing. "Zen? Are you there?"
"Huh? Oh- yeah... How do you know that song?"
"Have you ever heard of soulmates?" I return the question.
"Of course I have."
"Do you believe in them?" I ask again.
"I'm not sure. I had a couple friends in school who claimed they met their soulmate... At first I really wanted to find her, but I sort of gave up after a few girls." He laughs a little at the last bit.
"What if I told you that I hear your voice in my head when you sing, Zen?"
The line stays silent for a few seconds too long. "I hear your voice too, Haneul... I recognized it the second you sang."
I laugh now, realizing I ditched him last night because of this. "Last night I didn't actually have to practice piano. I left because I recognized your voice too."
"Hm.. Well, my inner romantic is telling me that I take you on a date now that we know we're soulmates and all." Zen says rather suave.
I smile, feeling my face heat up. "I'd love that." As I near my house, I'm reminded of my parents. Specifically my dad. He wouldn't be too pleased to know what I had just agreed to, especially considering Zen and him have met multiple times before, under different circumstances. "For now, I think we should keep it quiet with the date. My dad would kill you if he found out about this."
"Of course. Text me your address, and I'll pick you up tomorrow evening."
When I arrive at home, sure enough, the smell of food embraces me. I toss my bag onto the couch and kick off my shoes, shedding my jacket off as well. The house is eerily silent as I walk into the kitchen, where my parents sit at the dinner table. A sheet of paper sits on the table in front of my mom, who is now looking at me. "What's going on?" I ask cautiously. I sit down in the middle of the two, reaching for the food that sits on the table.
My mom slides the paper over to me, and I notice it's my report card. "You have a forty percent in math class. How did that happen?" My mom's usual voice is stern and unforgiving.
"I don't understand it, mom. I'm trying my best." I say simply, shoveling food onto my plate. My dad follows suit, staying silent as usual.
"You need to spend more time studying then." My mom says simply. "You're grounded until your grades come up."
My jaw drops in awe. "No matter how much I study I won't understand it. It's too hard."
She frowns. "Nothing is too hard, Haneul. You are only allowed to go to your music lessons and school. Other than that, you will be here, working on improving your grades."
I cross my arms across my chest, not hungry anymore. "Can I be excused?"
My mom opens her mouth to reply, and my dad stops her. "Sure, honey. I'll put your food in the microwave for later." I nod a thank you and head to my room with my bag. I won't be able to go on the date tomorrow now. Unless I sneak out, of course. Although my dad being a police officer won't make sneaking out easy, I can't pass up on a date with Zen. If he truly is my soulmate, I was blessed by whatever higher power is above us. He's the most beautiful man I've ever seen, and we seem to get along well.
I flop onto my bed, staring at the ceiling for a moment before pulling out my phone to text Zen.
[Haneul]: I got grounded. I'm going to sneak out though, so no worries. ;)
[Zen]: How? Are you okay?
[Haneul]: I'm fine. I just suck at math and my mom is really strict.
[Zen]: If you sneak out you could get in trouble. I'm not worth getting punished for.
[Haneul]: Don't worry. It's not like I haven't snuck out before, Zen.
[Zen]: If you say so. I'll pick you up tomorrow around 7PM then.
The entire day seems to move in slow motion. Even my music lessons went by so agonizingly slow that I thought maybe my teacher changed the clock when I wasn't looking. That evening I wolf down dinner so fast that my parents can't help but look at me in shock. I explain to them I hadn't eaten all day, and I must go back to my room to study.
I get dressed and make sure my door is locked. I turn on my radio so it seems like I'm in my room. I slide on my jacket, not caring enough to zip it up. When I peer out my window, I don't see Zen anywhere. I climb down anyways, wandering into my mom's garden. I spot her roses and pick five for Zen. My mom might be upset that her flowers were ruined, but it's worth it to be a little romantic. I hear footsteps behind me. I whirl around to see Zen dressed in a black button up shirt and regular blue jeans. He holds five white roses, smiling at me as he looks me up and down. "You look great."
"Don't I always?" I tease him. He laughs, scratching the back of his neck nervously. "I- um, these are for you." I hand him the flowers.
Zen gives me a cheeky grin. "I picked these for you too!" We exchange the flowers and start walking down my street.
"So, what do you have planned?" I ask.
"I was supposed to plan something?" My smile fades quickly to a frown. I furrow my brows, causing Zen to laugh. "I'm kidding. Don't worry, babe."
We walk for about five minutes before coming to a run down neighborhood. I'm not exactly sure why Zen would bring me on a date to a place like this, but I don't question him. Somewhere between my house and here we ended up intertwining fingers, but neither of us lets go as we weave through the buildings. Zen brings me to an old apartment building and leads me inside the front door. "Why are we here?"
He pulls me up the stairs. "You'll see."
When we get to the roof, I see a blanket spread on the ground, a small lantern sitting beside it, and five candles all spread around the blanket. Zen crouches down and lights every candle, then takes a seat on the blanket. I follow him, sitting down as well. I can't help but stare at the night sky, letting out a large exhale. "This is really nice, Zen."
I can hear the smile in his voice. "I'm glad you think so. Starry skies always seem to relax me."
"I agree. Life is hard, it's nice to just take a deep breath and get away from it all..." I shake my head. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get all sentimental."
"No, it's fine. I think the night sky can do that to anyone," he reaches for my hand, locking his with mine. "I used to come here a lot when I was younger in order to get away from my family."
I hesitate for a moment, unsure if I should ask. "Was your home life difficult?"
He sighs, not taking his gaze from the sky. "Yeah. I ran away when I was in middle school."
"That's awful... You got by by stealing things, didn't you?" He nods. "If this is too tough for you to talk about, we can change the subject."
Zen shakes his head no. "It's nice to talk about it..." He turns to me with a small smile. "I feel like I can tell you anything, Haneul... Even though we just met, I-" He stops himself, biting his lip. "I really enjoy your company."
I smile. "I like talking to you too, Zen."
He huffs. "Speaking of that... I think you should know that Zen isn't my real name." I raise a brow. "My name is Hyun Ryu. I ditched my name because I didn't want to be attached to my past."
I nod. "Your past made you who you are though, don't you think?"
He pauses for a moment. My statement made him think. "You're right... Though, I want to remember my past so that I can be a better actor. I'm going to be great one day, and I'll show them."
I grin, letting go of his hand to wrap an arm around his shoulder. "I believe you'll be talked about all over the world, Zen." He mutters a thank you. His head rests on my shoulder, his arm roping around my waist, hugging me close.
"I want you to be with me for every moment of my success, Haneul."
"Only if you'll be there for mine." I mumble.
"No doubt about it, babe."
After spending a couple hours talking on the roof, we gather our things and roam the houses and apartments in the neighborhood. We stumble upon an abandoned furnished house, and in the living room sits a piano. I'm the first to rush towards it, pressing the keys. To our surprise, it actually works. I take a seat on the bench that creaks under the sudden pressure. "I'll play, and you can sing." I smile to Zen, who has found his place next to me. He warms his voice up a little as I get accustomed to the keys.
I start to play a song I had heard in a musical I watched recently. It appears Zen knows the song, because he quickly joins in to the music. "City of stars, are you shining just for me?" He sings the first lyrics, his voice echoing in my head that sends chills throughout me. His voice is beautiful... "City of stars, there's so much that I can't see. Who knows? I felt it from the first embrace I shared with you..."
I join in to the girls part of the duet as I continue to play piano. "That now our dreams, they finally come true. City of stars, just one thing everybody wants. There in the bars, and through the smokescreen of the crowded restaurants, it's love... Yes, all we're looking for is love from someone else."
Zen joins in. "A rush,"
"A glance,"
"A touch,"
"A dance." The two if us sing in unison now. I can't help but look at him while we sing. Though my heart is racing, I feel like I'm on cloud nine. The two of us exchange smiles filled with bliss as we both sing in harmony. I don't even notice his voice echoing in my head anymore, I'm focused on living in this moment, right now. When I saw Zen in the cell at the station in the past, I never thought he was the one that had the voice of an angel that played in my head endlessly. I'm so glad we talked though, because the more time we spend together tonight, the more I can feel myself falling head over heels for him. At this point, it doesn't matter to me if my dad disagrees or not.
Zen kisses me goodnight and leaves me breathless under my window, holding the five white roses he gave me. When I climb up to my window, I find that everything is how it should be, and my door is still locked. I get dressed into my pajamas. I decided on our way home that I was going to tell my parents about Zen if we continue to get along like we did tonight. He's promised me he wouldn't be caught in a cell again, no matter the circumstances. If he takes promises as serious as me, he'll keep it.
The rest of the month Zen and I seem to be inseparable. I told my parents I'm seeing someone, and they want to meet him tonight. Zen is beyond nervous my dad might actually shoot him, so I assured him I would tell my dad before he got here. Mainly because I share Zen's worry. My dad is what some would call protective over me. My mom cooks dinner in the kitchen while my dad and I sit in the living room. "Dad, have I told you you've already met the guy I've been seeing?" I ask.
His gaze shoots over to me. "Better not be someone I've arrested." He sips his tea.
"Um... Actually, dad..." I sigh. "It's Hyun Ryu."
My dad narrows his brows at me until he realizes I'm not joking. He opens his mouth to speak, but shuts it again. He sighs deeply. "He's not a bad kid, but he's no good for my daughter."
I frown. "He's my soulmate, dad."
He raises a brow. "Like, your mom and I?" My parents met in choir when my mom sang a solo for the chorus. I simply nod, causing my dad to become more conflicted.
"He promised to stop breaking the law, and he's kept that promise."
My dad frowns. "I'll allow it-" I start to smile, but he raises his index finger at me. "Under one condition. He can't replace me as your favorite."
I laugh. "Don't stress it, dad."
Dinner with my parents went well. My dad grilled Zen with questions, but he handled them very well. I think Zen even charmed my parents a bit. The rest of the night is spent cuddled on my bed, watching a musical Zen had picked out. We hadn't been paying much attention to it. I eventually convinced Zen to let me braid his hair, his head on my lap. He started to doze off until the music kicked up on the movie, making him jolt awake. "The next movie we watch will be my pick. You won't fall asleep to it." I grin.
"Is it a horror movie?" He asks sleepily.
I can't lie to him. "I guess you'll have to find out." I finish braiding his hair and take a picture with my phone. "You look even more beautiful than before, Zen. I've done the impossible." I show him the picture, and he sits up, making his way to my mirror.
"I have to admit," he poses in the mirror, even flexing his arms a little. "I look amazing." He flashes a wink in the mirror, then whirls around to smile at me. "I don't think anyone could be as beautiful as you, my princess."
I feel my cheeks grow hot as he hovers over me, his face inches from mine. "I think you're right." I tease with a sheepish smile.
"I love you, Haneul..." His voice is a whisper, but I hear it loud and clear. When I don't respond, he speaks again. "You don't have to say it back. Just know that I meant what I said."
I shake my head, touching his cheek. "I love you too." I mutter. Before I can say anything else, his lips crash onto mine quite roughly. Though I don't mind. We both forget about watching another movie that night.
The next two months go by with a blur. Zen and I remain as close as ever, and tonight he's taking me out for our anniversary. I had completely forgotten, but Zen insisted that we do something. We arrive at a very fancy restaurant, and I'm taken back. "Zen, are you sure you want to do this? This place is expensive-"
He cuts me off. "Don't worry about it, my love." He intertwines our fingers together. "I want to treat you." He smiles. I sigh and follow him inside, where we're seated immediately due to reservation.
Zen seems kind of nervous during our date. He fiddles with his tie a lot, uncomfortable with how tight it is. "I actually have a present for you, Haneul."
"You didn't have to, Zen..."
He shakes his head, handing me a small box. "I wanted to." I take the box, and in it is a simple silver ring with a pink diamond in the middle that shines under the lighting.
"Oh... This is beautiful- You shouldn't have." I take it out and put it on my ring finger immediately, looking at it closely. "I love it, thank you so much."
He smiles. "I'm glad you like it, Haneul."
That night when I get home, my parents sit in the living room, watching their usual game show. "How'd the date go?" My mom asks. I jump over the back of the couch, flopping down between the two of them.
"It went amazing! He gave me this beautiful ring." I stick up my hand, showing the both of them.
"A promise ring... That's very impressive." My mom smiles, looking at the ring closely. "This is beautiful."
"Wait. A promise what?" I repeat. I thought it was just a simple gift...
"A promise ring. You give it to someone to promise you'll be together forever." My dad says. "Did you not know that?"
I shake my head no and take the ring off. "I don't want to get married... I have so much I want to accomplish in life."
My mom furrows her brows at me. "You're going to break that boys heart if you don't wear his ring. It doesn't mean you'll get married tomorrow, dear. It means you promise you'll be together forever."
I stand up from the couch, putting the ring in my pocket. "I can't promise that!" I cry out. "I don't know if I can keep it..."
"Haneul..." My mom gasps. "That sweet boy spent money for that ring. Don't break his heart."
I shake my head no. "I won't make a promise I can't keep, mom! You know that. I'm giving the ring back." I turn on my heel and run up the stairs before my mom can say anything further. My dad doesn't object, probably because he supports my decision not to promise myself to someone at such a young age. I love Zen with all I have, but why do we need a ring to prove that?
The following evening when Zen comes over, he notices I'm not wearing the ring almost instantly, frowning. "Where'd it go? You didn't lose it, did you?" I chew on my lip nervously, grabbing it from my dresser and showing it to him. "Why aren't you wearing it?"
"My parents told me that this is a promise ring, Zen. Why didn't you tell me?" I ask.
He furrows his brows together. "I thought you knew. Is that an issue?"
"It is, actually... Zen, I don't make promises I can't keep." I sigh. "I love you so much. Why can't we just say we'll be always be together instead of wearing a ring to prove it? I mean, how much money did you spend on this?"
Zen frowns. "I gave you that ring to prove to you how much I want to be with you forever, Haneul. Do you not feel the same way?"
"That's not the case, Zen. I want to be with you too, but I won't make a promise that I know I can't keep. We both have such broad dreams that we want to achieve... We can't work our ass off and still have time to love each other unconditionally. That's not how fame works."
"We'll always make time for one another... I don't see what the problem is. I want you to wear that ring... It's a symbol of how much we love each other. If you don't wear it, it's basically saying you don't love me!" He cries out, his tone of voice rising.
I huff. "Why do we need a silly piece of jewelry to determine that? I love you, but I can't promise you that we'll be together forever, Zen! We can't predict the future!" I shout. I grow more frustrated by the second.
I can see his eyes welling with tears. I feel awful that I'm upsetting him... "If you won't wear my ring, Haneul, I don't think this will work."
My heart drops to my feet. "Are you breaking up with me?"
He blinks tears from his eyes and swallows hard. "Are you going to wear the ring?" He challenges.
I shake my head no. "I'm sorry, Zen..."
He takes the ring from my hand, but he doesn't step away. He leans down and kisses my forehead. "I love you, but we're through, Haneul." Before I can say anything else, he's gone as fast as he came. I'm left in my room with a huge void in my chest that aches when I try to breathe. I lost my soulmate.
*Six years later*
Even years after Zen and I broke up, I still hear his angelic singing in my head. I've gotten used to it, but in the beginning, my heart felt like it shattered with every note he sang. Since I graduated high school, I've released two albums where I did all of the music, including vocals. I became famous very quickly, though I still perform for parties and groups. Tonight I'm playing piano for a party hosted by the RFA. I'm not exactly sure who the members are, but I was contacted by a woman named Jaehee Kang, and she appears to be the one that greeted me when I arrived. There's only a guest or two at the party so far, but I take my seat at the piano anyways, warming myself up. I start to play the first song that pops into my head, which happens to be City of Stars. I sing along quietly, quiet enough that no one appears to hear me over the sound of the piano.
By the end of my song, I can hear applaud around the room. I look around with a smile as I play my next song. While I'm playing I lock eyes with someone I'd only heard, not seen in the past six years. The red eyes pierce into me and they make my heart stop. I falter in my song, but I quickly recover and continue to play. He walks over, causing me to grow even more nervous. I expect him to yell at me, tell me how much he resents me. But he gives me that same smile that I fell in love with years ago, and leans against the piano. "Hello, Haneul."
