Jul 15
the Tsunekawa urge to rewatch The Queen's Gambit
seen from Australia
seen from Malaysia
seen from France
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from Japan
seen from United States
seen from Türkiye
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Kyrgyzstan
seen from United States
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
the Tsunekawa urge to rewatch The Queen's Gambit
I’m sitting at a restaurant waiting for my dinner and all I can think about is chess and blood
Tsunekawa stop feeling like an AI as soon as you’re around people for longer than 15 seconds challenge
I’m genuinely losing it tonight because nothing I do feels right. nothing feels like it is enough or the proper choice, it wears me down to question every move but somehow I can’t afford the anxiety of not questioning that, I cannot afford to mess anything up just because I didn’t think. it just gets so complicated when I want to isolate myself from literally everyone because I feel like I’m just lying to everyone around me and myself because there is no way I will ever truly be in a functional relationship of any sort just because I don’t know how to let anyone actually love me or see me vulnerable, I just can’t do that, I’m not wired to do it and handle it properly, it makes me crazy to think about it because the world around me just loses its meaning fully when I am some strange distorted simulacrum of a god and not a person. everyone makes me uncomfortable and no one understands me, what is there left for me but burning out in isolation, there is so much I could do, so much beauty and potential inside me ahahahah but it’s all just such a waste, what kind of pain is worse than that??! it suffocates me every hour I spend alive and trying to mimic human behavior just to get by and live to the next disappointment in my own existence
How much time a day do you spend playing chess? :0
it genuinely depends on the day, sometimes I won’t even be in front and not everyone in my system enjoys chess so they won’t touch it, or I may so sick health wise that I struggle to keep up with it — but when I’m here and feeling well enough it’s usually up to 2 hours, ideally more than that. I’m capable of studying chess and solving puzzles/playing bot coach games for 6 hours in a row with barely any breaks ahahah so it really depends on what I can manage at a time.
★
so full of emotion but so washed out numb at the same time, I just want to let my mind float away far from this place, far from those poisoned walls that make me sick
chess will be the death of me i have tbe worst headache and Im watching blitz live nothing else is keeping me going right now
focus, focus, focus, focus, focus, focus, focus, focus, focus, focus, focus, focus, focus,, focus, focus focus focus focus focus