Hi! Sorry to bother you, but i was curious if there was anyway i could by something online from you 😊. I saw your drawing and they are really amazing! Do you perhaps have a shop online, so they i could look at what you have and the prices?
I will be aiming to open a shop this year!! I actually mainly draw other fanart and have been asked for a shop already last year, but I still feel a bit fearful to start it haha. I am currently back on my convention-grind and hope to do more conventions, so if you catch me there I have most of my lads drawings there!
Else, I offer commissions; as I really want to do LADS couple comms too; more to that later though!
I am so happy that the myth cards made it in time ! Im not sure if there are any european conventioners out here but just letting you know that I will be there <3
Zayne has sworn an oath to protect you for all of his life.
a/n: shout-out to my sister, the artist of this drawing who asked (urged) me to write a little something based on her latest Zayne fanart.
Please go check it out and give her lots of love!
─ .✦ doomed soulmates au, domestic fluff turns to angst?
─ .✦ word count: 4.6k
00:02
A sharp pain rushes through every muscle of yours as the hard coat around you falls and crumbles to the ground. Your eyes flutter open, and although this surely isn’t your first time, you still feel the same rush of adrenaline as if it was. The moon has decided to descend on you a light as bright as snow tonight and you smile in silent satisfaction.
Everything feels a bit heavy still, as you walk over to wash your face by the basin. The water is cold, feels even colder on your skin, but it’s refreshing and feels so, damn alive.
You spot him by the bed, kneeling at the side you would usually awake from. His eyes are shut tight; he hasn’t slept much these days - you can tell by the shadows on his skin which paint his pale face.
Brushing dark strands of hair out of his face and caressing the frown deepening on his forehead, you watch him, and his body rise and fall slowly. It’s a comforting sight, seeing him like this in front of you, when for the most time, he is but a part of your dream - the words he is saying in it, all a part of your mind.
03:38
You never sleep; decide to simply watch over him as he hums and breathes, stirs slightly in his sleep as he tries to rest more comfortably. It’s what you think he always does when you aren’t around. Watching, hoping, waiting.
It feels lonely, you realize - a familiar pain rushing through your body straight into your chest where it lingers and grows.
You reach out your hand, softly caress over his cheek and feel his skin and how warm it feels underneath your touch.
He’s here. He’s not going anywhere. Just as he promised all those years ago.
Leaning down until your lips almost touch his ear, your voice comes out slightly hoarse and shaky at first, but you muster up your courage once more to whisper: “good morning, my love. Can you wake up for me?”
Zayne stirs once again, but this time, you see the flutter of his eyelashes as he slowly opens one, then the other eye. He blinks at you, pupils dilated, his whole body tensing up - but then, as if something inside his brain finally clicked, he settles, relaxes and immediately reaches his hand forward to touch your face.
“...Good morning” his voice is still raspy, breathy, and you can feel the tips of his fingers start to cool and send a shiver down your spine. He’s trembling a little bit, but not because of the cold.
“I’m sorry to wake you up when you looked so peaceful, resting, but I know you would be more upset if I didn’t wake you up sooner…”
He rubs the exhaustion out his eyes, nodding his head, “indeed, thank you, my love”, he stands up from the ground, leans down to press a quick kiss on your temple, “I’ll freshen up really quickly and we can have some breakfast outside in a bit. How does that sound?”
Your stomach rumbling is the answer he needed. You giggle. “Sounds lovely.”
04:29
His voice is like music to your ears. It doesn’t matter what he is saying, just listening to him as he explains and describes, moves his hands as he is talking - it’s everything you have wanted in all the time you have been asleep and away from him.
He talks you through his routines, how his days prior to today have been like, how his work has been, how the people in his life have been - he tells you about everything you have missed and might feel like wanting to know. Zayne doesn’t talk much usually, but he gladly takes the lead for the first hours of your awakening to make you feel like nothing has been different since the last time you have met.
You have something light to eat since he always gets worried you might not be able to digest food too well and were now relaxing against his shoulder as you two waited for the sun to rise across the horizon. It’s a tradition you two had opted for around five years ago. Mornings spent together are relaxing, calming - feel like it’s just you two in this world with nobody and nothing able to come between you. It’s a silent wish you have.
When the hues of red and yellow start appearing in front of you, you watch while holding your breath, as the sun slowly rises and creates a picture of perfection right there for you to watch. Zayne wraps one arm around your shoulder, pushes you closer to him and you listen to his heartbeat as you two enjoy the moment meant only for you.
06:13
“Your favorite author released a book not too long ago actually. I made sure to have a copy by your nightstand since I got a hold of it. It has been waiting to be read by you.”
Zayne is gently stroking your hair, his fingers running through individual strands before letting you go and take a look. There is a giddiness in your step that he loves to watch. It makes him feel like there hasn’t been a second, he has been away from you.
Your nightstand.
The one place that gets refilled each year to the brim as if you were celebrating your birthday, anniversary and Christmas all at the same time. He makes sure you never feel like you missed out on anything.
When you open your nightstand, you find the said book, some pressed flowers made into bookmarks, a handmade necklace and like always, a stack of letters.
A couple of them by your loved ones who you never get to see anymore but who will always let you know how they are doing and that they are always thinking of you. And a big majority of Zayne’s. Written every night he feels like he wants to talk to you but can’t. Every thought of him is noted down carefully, purposefully, as if they were talking with you.
He only lets you read a couple of them; says they are a waste of time because he would rather have you here with him. But you do take some along and take a look at them occasionally. In fact, you did manage to read around five of them before you woke him up.
It’s nothing out of the ordinary what’s written within, but there is a strange feeling in your chest with each one you open, knowing he was thinking of you and wanted to have you there with him but couldn’t; instead opted to pour out his feelings into written letters for you to read weeks, no months, later.
It may feel like time wasted doing nothing, but Zayne tells you to get started on the book. He gets some jasmine tea to steep while you sit down on the chairs he put outside in preparation so you can enjoy the fresh breeze while you read with him by your side.
He reads with you; in fact, he is the one holding the book and turning the pages. You enjoy the moment together - it feels natural, like how it always used to be.
10:04
“This one was nice, wasn’t it?”
You nod, “I really enjoyed how they revealed the culprit in the last chapters. It was exciting. I’m looking forward to their next work. Hopefully it will be done by the time I am awake.”
Zayne laughs, gently caresses your head, “I hope so, too."
The last time a book was released, it was just shortly after you had been asleep again, so Zayne had it sitting in the nightstand for almost a year until you got to read it. To be fair, you couldn’t really be mad about it, considering you never know when they are released, but it feels like it has been taunting you, waiting for you to be awake again.
Zayne had gotten a throw for you two to relax in, once the wind started picking up and you started shivering in his hold. Along with the cups of tea you shared, it felt like a wonderful late morning to spend together.
He suggests setting up plans for today; if there is anything in particular you have been looking forward to seeing now that you are awake. You propose baking something later; a simple tart or crumble to have after lunch. You have also been looking forward to seeing him in his latest uniform - it’s something you look forward to every time.
“I also prepared some paper for you to write letters later”, Zayne adds after agreeing to each of your voiced out ideas, “You can work on them while I prepare our meals.”
You give him a smile, “Thank you so much.”
He nods, leans forward and presses a soft kiss on your forehead. He doesn’t move away, his lips still so close to your skin. “For you, always.”
10:42
“I’m pretty sure that’s enough sugar, honey.”
Zayne’s eyes dart from left to right; the bowl in front of you two and the box of sugar; then he looks away so you cannot see his expression - as if caught red-handed.
“I don’t think so. One more spoon should be fine, surely.”
He is already reaching forward, but you stop him.
“You are adorable when you are persistent, but I’m begging you for the one time I am able to stop you, to put that spoon down.”
Zayne’s hand immediately halts. As if frozen, you watch as his body tenses up. He immediately puts the spoon away, the box of sugar put into the cupboard in case he changes his mind otherwise.
“I’m sorry.”, he mumbles, head held down, guilt-struck.
You chuckle, walk over to him and immediately find your hands on his face, caressing his cheeks and feeling the way his skin starts to heat up with your touch.
He immediately relaxes but still looks up into your eyes with an apologetic look.
“I’m sorry.”, he repeats again.
“Don’t be.”, you mutter back, tiptoeing up to him to give him a kiss on the lips. “It’s okay, I’m not that mad about it. I just worry about you when I’m not there.”
He nods understandingly, presses another short kiss on your lips, “I don’t want to make you worry.”, he responds simply.
12:40
There is a light knock at the door, before it opens. Zayne is standing at the door frame, his sleeves rolled up, which under any other circumstances would make you think something is off, but the smell that accompanied him from downstairs was all you needed to know that he just came out of the kitchen to let you know lunch was ready.
“Do you want to eat upstairs, in the garden or downstairs in the dining area?”, he asks, his eyes setting down on the pile of letters you had already finished and were still working on diligently.
You pause for a moment, the end of the pen pressed to your lips as you were thinking, “...Where did we eat last time? I cannot remember anymore”
“In the garden. We were blessed with great weather last year even though it’s already late summer, so we decided to eat outside”
“Then how about we eat in the dining room today?”
Zayne makes sure to prepare your favorite meals, has written every recipe you enjoyed down to recreate and learn over the time he is waiting - you wouldn’t be surprised if, one day, he would tell you he had decided to become a chef instead.
There is a spread of lovely aromas and generous portions plated on newly bought dishware. You notice because the cupboard where the dishes usually are sitting has been replaced by an even bigger cabinet to fit every single one. Zayne tells you, as you start eating, that he enjoys finding and buying new ones that he gets to show off to you over the day that you are awake.
The gentle patterns of jasmine leaves are very him, you reply.
14:34
Lunch was filling enough that you decided to delay your dessert for a little while longer and go upstairs to finish up some more letters, before finally joining Zayne downstairs on the chaise lounge as he was reading a book.
You are curled up next to him, listening to his heartbeat and enjoying the way his body rises and falls as he is simply existing next to you. It’s unfamiliar but familiar at the same time.
“You can close your eyes and take a small nap if you want. I’ll wake you up when I’m done and we can have some tea and pastry then”
“..Really?”, you whisper, rubbing your eyes as you try your hardest to stay awake, “I can try to freshen up and I’m sure I can stay awake then. I don’t want today to be wasted.”
Another yawn escapes your lips, that you try really hard to suppress. Zayne laughs. “No, it’s fine. You can take a nap, I promise. Seeing you asleep next to me, breathing and all, makes me a lot happier than you think.”
“You’re a dear.” you tell him, slightly tired, but with a gaze full of love. Zayne nuzzles his face onto the top of your head, presses an uncountable number of kisses on it, which makes you giggle.
“Your dear.”
15:44
You wake up to Zayne softly shaking you, “Wake up, sleepyhead”, he mutters, cold fingers dancing around your skin and making you shudder. You stir; a small groan leaves your lips as you turn and toss before stretching. “It’s time for some tea and cake”, he goes on, moving the strands of hair out of your face just as you did, hours before.
It’s a very different feeling to wake up from actual sleep like this in comparison to when you awake usually; there is a slight fog nestled in your brain that makes it hard to discern dreams from reality and most noticeable, you feel warm, almost as if you have been sweating.
You get up to wash your face, as Zayne goes to get the tart that has been resting in the kitchen. Your hair is slightly messy when you look in the mirror, so you go ahead and brush it first before you decide you look decent enough to go back to him.
Zayne gestures for you to sit down at the glass table he brought inside from the garden, hands you a plate as well as a fork and knife. He then sets down a cup of freshly brewed tea which is still steaming when you try to reach out for it.
You talk and eat, help yourself to a second serving each, as he explains to you what he is currently reading up on - a complicated mix of academic papers and studies. He knows you don’t care for the little details, as you told him time and time again that it’s not those you are paying attention to, but the way the words flow out of his mouth and stick to the back of your mind so you can think about him and his voice when you are asleep again.
“I’ll share some of the leftovers with Tara and Simone”, he explains later, when you two are back in the kitchen and washing up the dishes, “They will be delighted to try some of your baking again.”
You let out a giggle, “I wish I could see their expressions when they do. Tell me about it in one of the letters.” He hums.
What you don’t see is how he looks at you with a slightly pained expression. Zayne doesn’t like to remind you of the fact that you haven’t seen any of your loved ones in years, no, actually decades at this point. It’s an aspect of your current circumstances that he hates to put you through the most in the world. The constant reminder that you were shackled to this place for all your life.
It’s not fair, really.
17:08
“Just let me surprise you.”, you tell him, closing the door in front of him slowly, “I’m sure you have all the ingredients I need in there, just let me do my magic.”
“You haven’t cooked for me in the past six years. And that one time all you did was boil some water with vegetables. It was nice, don’t get me wrong, but I wouldn’t really say you are that experienced with it. Therefore, I don’t think I should let you be on your own in there”, he mumbles, trying to open the door from his side. You pout and make a sound in protest. He lets go immediately.
“Don’t you trust me?”, you murmur.
A sigh. “I do, but-”
“...I’ll call you if I need your help.” You give him that look, “Please.”
Another sigh. “I’ll be just around the corner.”
18:56
Although he did say he would be waiting outside, Zayne makes sure to take a peek every once in a while, dark strands appearing in the corner of your vision as he observes you from the gap in the door. He doesn’t say anything, simply checks on you and leaves when he thinks nothing seems out of the ordinary and you decide not to call him out on it. It’s just Zayne being worried. Like always.
And to be fair, it’s been a while since you last cooked.
Clumsy at first, your hands were somehow remembering what you used to do, each cut made with precision that you didn’t know you were capable of. You used to be the one to cook meals for Zayne and you in the past. But sometimes it seems like an idea so far away, you aren’t sure if it isn’t just something you made up in your mind or the actual truth.
You manage somehow. Make a full meal that tastes quite nice and isn’t just a soup or stew. You are sure Zayne would like it. And it’s enough to have leftovers for tomorrow. You feel like he tends to lose himself the days after usually. That’s at least what his letters read like.
The dining table is already set, when you go looking for him. Zayne is already standing around aimlessly, as if he had waited for your footsteps to draw closer. You chuckle, telling him to join you for dinner to which he happily obliges.
“Do you like it?”
There is a quiet air of expectation when you wait for him to finish chewing, watch him put down his fork and knife and closely analyze how his expression changes. It barely does; the calm demeanor that carries him holding him back from ever showing. But you know him better than that. Can read every single moment his eyebrows crinkle, eyes widen a bit more or nose flares.
He seems to like it, you think, but want to hear it from his own mouth instead.
“It’s delicious.”, he notes, “You haven’t cooked in a while, but it still tastes like it did back then.”
“You still remember that?”, you chuckle, “Even I don’t, and I haven’t eaten as many meals as you have over the years.”
Zayne shakes his head, takes another bite, “I’ll never forget how your cooking tastes, no matter how much time passes.”
20:22
You finish dinner, pleased with yourself, and afterwards offer to wash the dishes. Zayne immediately wants to disagree, but you somehow manage to get him to let it go.
“I still want to do the normal things”, you had told him and watched how his eyes soften before he tells you to take your time while he goes and prepares the bath.
You tell him to go in first while the water is still hot.
21:17
One warm bath and an opened bottle of red wine later, you two shared a moment together outside in the courtyard, sitting side by side in the pavilion. Zayne makes sure to tend to your favorite flowers and hedges when you are gone and maintains each part of the building you are able to take a step in, to have it look just like the day you first started falling asleep. He truly does it all for you.
The wine helps with the cold, but Zayne still tells you to drape over one of his coats. Even though you tell him you haven’t gotten sick in like, forever.
The night breeze makes the flowers around you rustle. You manage to catch the last glimpse of the sun as it’s setting, every color you love appearing and disappearing in the sky as if saying their goodbyes to you.
Zayne’s grip on you feels tighter the darker it gets, as if he is afraid, you might leave just like the sunlight did. You respond by giving his hand reassuring squeezes, his temple a kiss each time he stops answering and instead opts to stare at you a little while longer - he knows, it’s not long that he gets to have you in his hold like this, wants to burn the picture of you next to him in his mind once more before it’s too late.
He lets your words take over this time, enjoys the way you talk about your dreams that are filled with him and you only. He likes to think that your dreams are describing an unknown future you two have yet to experience. It makes him feel hopeful. As if there was something to look forward to.
“Can you do me one more favor?” you ask him, when his eyes finally have the color back to them again that you adore and cherish with all your heart. His gaze drops down to you and you can see your own reflection in the slight dampness of his pupils.
“Sure, go ahead.”, he replies.
22:24
The tint of red around his ears is enough to make you giggle.
Zayne is standing in front of you, dressed in his uniform that you never got to see again since you have been stuck reliving the same day every single year over and over again. It feels like it’s been a while since you last saw him dressed like this - and technically it is - but you do make him show you how he looks every other year, just so you don’t forget and can revel in the memories of him every so often when you dream.
“You look good”, you say and watch as his ears turn a color even deeper. “No need to be so embarrassed about it!”, you tease.
“Are you sure that’s what you want me to wear when you are about to head to sleep again?” he asks, clearing his throat when he catches you stare.
“Why not?”, you ask, gesturing for him to step closer to you.
You are seated at the end of the bed, Zayne’s legs brushing against your knees as he lets you run your hands through his cape, the smooth satin cold to your touch. You play with the golden insignia placed on his chest - the one that marks his position at work, where you miss seeing him at. Always so magnificent and exemplary, his cold demeanor you always heard about a mystery to you until you visited him once and realized that’s why he got where he did at such a young age.
His gloved fingers run through your hair, eyes gazing down as he watches you with a fond smile on his face.
“I love you.”, he whispers, hand moving upwards to his lips to press a kiss on your hair in his palm. “Always.”
There is a blush on your face now, that you cannot hide with how sudden his confession struck you. You pull him down to you by his collar and kiss him, lips pressing together forcefully at first, but the moment it registers in his mind, the tension disappears, and he kisses you back.
His hands rest on your shoulders, one finger circling the back of your neck slowly.
When you finally pull away, lips parted, flushed cheeks, you give him a smile.
“I love you, too.” His eyes glisten. “Always.”
23:28
“Uncomfortable?”, you ask, blanket pulled up to your nose, as you observe.
“Not at all.”, Zayne whispers back, as he lies down next to you, a blanket pulled over his uniform. He took his boots and gloves off, the cape neatly thrown to the end of the bed, where your feet were.
He turns to you, one of his arms already wrapped around your body in a comforting gesture, hand running up and down your back. You yawn.
“Sleepy?”
“Uh-huh.”
He smiles. There is an awkwardness to the corner of his lips you can immediately spot, a slight dampness to his eyes as he holds you in his arms.
“Then go to sleep, my love. I’ll be waiting for you in your dreams.”
You can feel the way his fingers are trembling a bit, as he gently runs his hand down your hair, touches every strand bit by bit before letting it fall. Zayne then moves to caress your face, your rosy cheeks, and sees that you too have gotten a bit teary-eyed.
He immediately makes sure to swipe them away, humming gentle melodies and giving you reassuring words until you slowly calm down and start losing your fight to your exhaustion. Your hands are still clutching onto the fabric of his jacket when you are finally asleep, a small tear rolling down your cheek. Zayne leans down and kisses it away.
“Good night, my dear. I’m already looking forward to seeing you next year.”
00:00
Everything feels a bit colder now.
Unsure if the sight of you would’ve been too much to handle, Zayne is sitting at the end of the bed, having pried your fingers away from his clothes little by little so as to not wake you up by accident. He’s lucky you are a deep sleeper. He would hate for you to be awake for this part.
He hasn’t taken a look yet, but it’s the sound that indicated to him that it just turned midnight. The little crackling sound that creates this immediate image in his mind of how your skin is slowly getting covered in this greyish and lifeless shade he feels like he has seen way too often already for it to be just part of his imagination. It’s an exact picture of reality.
It takes almost too long, as he feels himself almost losing his sanity, listening to the same sound for minutes. As if taunting him.
Only when it finally stops does he turn to you again; instead of your body, that rises and falls as you breathe in and out, he sees the statue-like form of you instead, which he sees most of the time, if not for today. Or well, yesterday.
He moves to grab the blanket, puts it over your body gently, takes a shaky breath and falls to his knees in front of the bed. Tears are falling from his eyes and rain down on his hands, which are sitting lifelessly on his lap. He doesn’t dare to look up to you again yet. Hopes that maybe one day, you will simply open your eyes again and call out for him. Tell him it's over. He has done enough.
But it’s quiet. Only his small sobs as he tries to hold back the sounds at the back of his throat, angrily clutches onto his pants until his knuckles turn white.
He wants to scream but doesn’t.
It’s just silent. The silence he has been cursed with.
Thank you all (again) for loving this drawing so much! I really love reading everyones reactions to it; and some of you guys have noted pretty much the feelings I wanted to convey!
Some time ago, I "urged" my sister to write a story based on this drawing and headcanon that I had - She ended up creating a story with her own idea and its own twist, and I hope you guys give this a read! It portrays perfectly the tragedy of this illustration that I made :3 My illustartion was originally called "Eternal yearning", while she made hers "eternal longing" haha
If you guys do read it, I hope to see your reactions to it!
Holy moly LMAO Thank you for all the love in the last days oh my god! Especially my Zayne drawing; it is very dear to my heart as Zayne is my favourite LI
I want to draw more lads related things and maybe even open up requests / commissions for couple comms! More to that later
Would love to know more about the community, so if you read this, why dont you write a bit about who your fav Love interest is and why? :3
These are actual photocards btw! I don't know if any of you guys go to conventions but I made these for my upcoming cons at the end of the month - the special part about them is that all of them have their own mascot hidden as UV <3
Thank you all so much for giving so much love to this drawing oh my god!
This is my only big scale illustration so far, which I made for the Love and deepspace Gala event last year where a printed version was auctioned off <3 I posted this drawing on Zaynes birthday, even though its really angsty haha.
The story I had in mind was that MC is a statue, and Zayne hugging her because she will never return to him in living form.
I requested my sister, a writer, to write a story with Zayne / MC based on this drawing actually! Maybe some of you guys have seen it already, it is called Eternal Longing ; you can find it here (and I will reblog it!) It is way more fleshed out in my opinion than my original headcanon so I hope you guys give it a read <3
