i don't want no scrubs

i once got drunk and played with a paper towel dispenser for 5 minutes.

[takeitfromhere]

You've been gone for a year... WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN THO

Hahha just enjoying life. I forgot about this thing tbh

[victorious]

[jakeyllenhaal]

I hate Nev

[takeitfromhere]

#happynationaldogday from my favorite underbite. #sophie #dogsofinstagram #instadog

[henrycavills]

in movies when kids sneak out through their windows and im just like why dont you have screens in your windows who doesnt have screens in their windows what do you just let bees and bugs and birds and shit fly into your room what the fuck

[doctorkpepper]

#literally just had to google that#apparently screens are widely used in Australia USA and Canada#in Europe we deal with stuff that comes through the window like a man

(x)

[skjdghskghoueragkjlm]

this is why you guys had the black plague.

[takeitfromhere]

Me: *withdrawing money from the atm*

Girl Scouts posted up across the ATM: Wassup playa!!!

Me: OH SHIT!!!

[stability]

Hello from my bed head at 1:30pm

[roadheadforehead]

Hello from my pussy at 3:10pm

[stability]

[spacegirl24]

[champagnepuppies]

this is true i wasn’t funny until i started wanting to die

[i-times-two]

The reasons why women take so long in the shower

1. We have a lot of body parts that need shaving. 2. Conditioner needs time to soak in. 3. We use the warm water to heat up our ice-cold hearts. 4. Karaoke.

[kushandwizdom]

Number 4 mostly

[beingasanxcean]

This is all true.

[cantcolonizethispussy]

who isn’t problematic tbh I don’t know a single person who doesn’t have something they need to work on I used to be a piece of shit but I’m making progress!!!

[ves5el-blog]

“how was your weekend?”

[takeitfromhere]

the signs as Ross Geller fuck-ups

Aries: getting fired for screaming at his boss for eating his sandwich

Taurus: getting stuck in a pair of his own leather pants

Gemini: saying the wrong name at the altar

Cancer: faking a British accent for his first day as a professor, then trying to phase it out, thinking that nobody would notice

Leo: being the only person to raise his hand when Phoebe asked an entire party if anyone liked Ross

Virgo: getting his couch stuck halfway up the stairs of his apartment building, cutting it in half to extract it, then expecting a refund

Libra: flirting with the pizza delivery girl by telling her that he happens to like 8-year-old boys

Scorpio: leaving teeth whitening strips on his teeth for a whole day and scaring his date by glowing in the dark

Sagittarius: his fake tan

Capricorn: trying to kiss his cousin, then defending himself by saying that he hadn't had sex in a really long time

Aquarius: holding a fake memorial service for himself and listening through the door as people were mourning

Pisces: coming fourth in a Vanilla Ice look-alike contest and crying

[bmwgifs]

[takeitfromhere]

me: what's your astrological sign? :)

them: gemini :)

me, reaching into my purse for a crucifix and holy water: stay back! go back into your tree, you serpent. you fooled adam and eve, but you WILL NOT fool me!!!

[thegracegatsby]

I’m not me when Partition is on

[theworldaccordingtojordan]

[hellyeahbeyonce]

[niggasandcomputers]

Blue gon be mad as Hell when she see this in about 11 years