[talesofolds]

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Sorry for the long and unexplained absence, and sorry that I’m about to extend it, but my husband and I got a surprise phone call on May 4 telling us to go adopt a baby, so we went and did!

She is now 3 weeks old, we’re finally back home, and we’re a family of four! But, going back to work, plus having a toddler and an infant, is eating up all my free time.

I don’t want to make a promise I can’t keep, so I’m not setting a date for my return...but comics will return within a couple months, when I get the chance to really sit down and draw enough backlog that I’m ready to launch again!

Thanks for your patience and support! Love you all!

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#69: Beard

He’s actually been fuzzy for several weeks. And we’ve both gotten haircuts. But I refuse to draw us any differently!

Transcription:

Panel 1: Husband: So I’ve been growing the beard for awhile... Wife: It’s so fuzzy!

Panel 2: Husband: Oh you mean like this? *kiss kiss kiss* Wife: Oh nooo! I always knew this was how it would end. Nommed to death by a bearded Internet man.

Panel 3: Husband: “...Tonight on News at 11.”

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#68: Sleep Ideas

I was picturing something like this, where you would just sort of sideways hammer the keyboard with both thumbs.

As for WHY I was thinking of this as I fell asleep, I cannot tell you.

Transcription:

Panel 1:  Husband and wife are lying in bed. Husband is awake and reading his phone. Wife is asleep with blanket pulled over her head.

Panel 2: Wife pulls the blanket down off her head and suddenly says, “What if people typed on keyboards with only their thumbs? So it would be like...folded in half and typing laterally?”

Panel 3: Husband and wife just stare at one another.

Panel 4: Husband wordlessly pulls the blanket back over wife’s head and she goes back to sleep.

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#67: Crying

Surely I’m not the only one whose toddler does the whole, “walk into the room so I can make sure you see how sad I am when I make these weird, crying-adjacent noises because you put tape over the paper tray on the printer so I would stop trying to rip it off” thing, right?

Transcription:

Panel 1: Wife and husband are sitting silently, reading a book and doing the computer.

Panel 2: Toddler walks into the room.

Panel 3:  Toddler *throwing self on the floor*: EEEEE

Panel 4: Toddler: *peeking to see if he is being watched*

Panel 5: Toddler: UNNNH. ARRRR. EHHHH.

Panel 6: Husband: Our child cries like someone who’s heard of the CONCEPT of crying...

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#66: Shmudge

A bit text-heavy. This one was hard to condense or summarize because it just kept getting goofier.

Transcription:

Panel 1: (Husband and wife are walking down a city street, hand-in-hand.) Wife: Do you have any idea where you want to eat? Husband: I haven’t seen anything I really want yet.

Panel 2: (The camera zooms in on an abandoned store. There used to be a name painted on the store but it is smudged out.) Husband: I wonder what that place used to be.

Panel 3: Wife: Oh, that’s Shmudgy’s Restaurant. Locals called it The Shmudge. Husband: Oh, of course.

Panel 4: Wife: If I ever open a restaurant I’ll name it The Shmudge. Husband: What kind of restaurant will it be?

Panel 5: Wife: Ultra fancy. You get a huge plate with just a shmudge of steak puree... Husband: So your target demographic is? Wife: Old rich grandpas with no teeth.

Panel 6: Husband: You should open up a dental implant shop right next to it since that’s their target demographic too. Wife: “Come for a shmudge, leave with a shmile!” Husband: There it is.

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#65: Scathing

Man, I don’t know what that squirrel’s deal was, but I bet it wasn’t expecting to get drawn into a comic.

Transcription:

Panel 1: Wife: *pointing at an angry squirrel* This squirrel wants to fight me.

Panel 2: Husband: Please don’t fight a squirrel. Wife: You don’t think I’d win?!

Panel 3: Husband: I don’t think you’d emerge unscathed! Wife: Do you think I’m unscathed EMOTIONALLY if I back down?!

Panel 4: Wife: WHAT ABOUT THE SCATHING OF THE HEART Husband: Sounds like a bad harlequin romance novel. 

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Something a little different today: I need a bit of time to catch up on comics, but I spent about a month animating my dad and I’s non-traditional father-daughter dance from when I got married five years ago. It was my dad’s birthday this past month and I’ve been dabbling in animation as well as comics so I thought I’d surprise him with an animated version of our video!

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#64: Eyes

You ever hear something dumb as it’s coming out of your mouth, but it’s too late to stop saying it?

The other day my dentist literally asked me the actual sentence, “So how old is your eighteen-month-old?” (To her credit, we were both laughing the second the sentence was over. We heard it coming. The dumb was just unstoppable.)

Transcription:

Panel 1: Wife: Do you want the rest of my food? Husband: if you don’t.

Panel 2: Wife: Yeah. I got too much. My eyes are bigger than my head. Husband: ...uh

Panel 3:  Wife: Wait. No. I mean my stomach. My eyes are exactly as big as my head.

Panel 4:  Wife: WAIT. NO. Husband: I think I need a diagram.

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#63: Watergate

In my defense, Watergate is well before my time, and we’ve called an awful lot of things -gate since then.

Transcription:

Panel 1: Husband: So today I had to explain Watergate to one of my gymnasts.

Panel 2: Wife: *blink blink*

Panel 3: Wife: oh geez. I am too tired today.

Panel 4: Wife: For a second I couldn’t remember which president had a scandal about water!

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#62: Lever

(I’m not.)

Transcription:

Panel 1: Husband: Soooo thirsty...if only I had some water... Wife: I know a magical lever you can use to get water anytime.

Panel 2: Husband: ...is...is it you? Wife: What? No! It’s the sink!

Panel 3: Husband: ...What did you say, again? Wife: There’s a magical lever...

Panel 4: Husband: Ohhhh. I heard “lover”. Wife: You thought I called myself a magical lover who would get you water anytime?!

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#61: Hermit

If we hung out with you ever, there’s like a 90% chance some variation on this conversation was happening shortly before, and we trade off on who doesn’t want to leave the house.

Transcription:

Panel 1:  Husband: You have to get uuuuup. Wife (hiding under blankets): noooooo

Panel 2: Wife: I am a hermit now

Panel 3: Husband: We have to go see our friends! Wife: I am a HERMIT

Panel 4: Wife (poking out from blankets): my only friends are the cave mushrooooooms Husband: -sigh-

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#60: Sneeze

Josh says that he will bless someone twice, for two sneezes, but if they sneeze any more than that he will only excuse them. He says they’re trying to hoard all the blessings.

Transcription:

Panel 1: Husband: ACHOO Wife: (quietly) Bless you.

Panel 2: Husband: Thank you.

Panel 3: Husband: ACHOO Wife: (quietly) Sneezebag.

Panel 4: Husband: Tha— wait did you just call me a sneezebag? Wife: I wanted to see if I could get you to thank me for it.

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#59: Cake

(The job search is looking promising, in case you actually wondered.)

Transcription:

Panel 1: Wife: Don’t eat the cake on the counter. You’ll die. Husband: Oh. You put nuts in it?

Panel 2: (...)

Panel 3: Wife: Nooo. I put cyanide in it.

Panel 4: Wife: I’m gonna give it to the king and usurp the throne. Husband: Wow so how’s your job search been going

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#58: Packing Tape

I’m usually the impromptu parody-song singer in the family, so I was pretty tickled when he did it!

Transcription:

Panel 1:  Wife: (reading a book)

Panel 2: Husband: *singing as he marches through the room, to the tune of The Muffin Man* Where’d I put the packing tape, the packing tape, the packing tape...

Panel 3: Wife: *also singing* I’ve not seen the packing tape

Panel 4: Husband: (off-screen, still singing) Then what good are you!

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#57: Feedback

My husband (a pastor) writes a free online devotional called Five Minute Devotions every weekday, if that’s the kind of thing that interests you!

Transcription: 

Panel 1: Wife: Whatcha workin’ on? Husband: FMD.

Panel 2: Wife: I know that means Five Minute Devotions, but I always think “Full Metal Devotions.” Husband: Great idea. I’m scrapping the whole thing. Starting over with an electric guitar.

Panel 3: Wife: Do you accept feedback on your ideas Husband: *playing air guitar with a determined look on his face* Like a bad sound system: the more feedback, the better!

Panel 4: Wife: Just, just no.

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#56: Macaroni

The things that husbands think about when wifes are trying to sleep...

I am, once again, very sorry about the missed comics last week! I got the flu, and I *still* had no backlog to give me any cushion space. One of my big priorities now is getting ahead of the game on comics so there won’t be any more missed updates.

Transcription:

Panel 1: Husband: I read online that Costco is selling 27 lb buckets of macaroni now.

Panel 2: Wife: I know. You’ve mentioned it twice now. Husband: It’s so much macaroni! Wife: We don’t need a 27 lb bucket of macaroni.

Panel 3: Husband: Then how do you want to take home 27 lbs of macaroni? Box? Loose? You want 27 lbs of loose mac?

Panel 4: Wife: Squeeze tube. I prefer it in squeeze tube form.

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#55: Sleet

Is it snowing where you are? It’s hovering in temperatures just-crummy-enough-to-be-crummy here these days!

Transcription:

Panel 1: Wife, looking out window: Whoa! It’s really snowing out! I wasn’t sure if it was just going to sleet and crap.

Panel 2: Husband: EVERYONE STAY INSIDE! It’s crapping out there! We got two inches of crap! Wife: *eyeroll*