An Examination Of Amy's Thoughts On Marriage
Jonahās eyes light up at the though of marriage. Just the word seems to put a spark in his eyes, a spring in his step.
But the word summons dread for Amy.
A legal document joining two people together. Sharing finances, a mortgage, a lifeā¦
For Amy, marriage is Struggle. Marriage is Regret. Marriage is a trap, something that forces people together and steals away the joy, the hope, the love.
Itās long hours at work and long hours cooking.
Itās coming home to some new half-baked idea that cost thousands to chase after, and worrying about if bills can be paid now.
Itās petty arguments over small things that actually mean the world.
Itās talking, talking, talking, but nothing being said that needs to be said.
Itās insisting everything is fine when every day starts with an empty feeling and a tight panic of what new fight will erupt over breakfast.
Itās ruined pans and not daring to hope for better and broken promises and crying in the bathroom and-
Itās a relationshipās death, pulled up on strings and puppeted about the world. Itās lying and faking and pretending everything is still fine.
Itās pretending to love someone who only conjures feelings of resent and regret and emptyness.
And the thought of that happening to her and Jonahā¦
The thought of losing love for him, of him losing love for her, the thought of everything they have withering and dying, the thought of losing it all forever and of having him look at her the same way Adam used to, of her feeling the same way about Jonah that she did about Adamā¦
She canāt marry him, because it would end them.
But when she tries to figure out how to say itā¦
Jonah looks at her, and she wishes so desperately for him to understand, but he doesnāt. He canāt.
And Amy feels the emptiness she tried so hard to avoid.
